Using WRAP to Develop a Strong System of Support

Mary Ellen Copeland PhDThe Copeland Center for Wellness and Recovery

Sponsored in partnership with Essential Learning

December 16, 2009

Continuing Education Credits

Continuing Education credit is provided through the Mary Ellen Copeland’s partnership with Essential Learning, an approved CE provider.

Essential Learning, LLC is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. Essential Learning, LLC maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

Available Accredited CEUs:APA, ANCC, ASWB, NBCC, NAADAC

This information in this webinar will be useful to people who:

have developed and use their own WRAP lead WRAP groups work with people who use WRAP as their guide to

recovery want to develop and keep a strong system of

support

It will be helpful if you need to answer questions from:

people you are working with and supporting

WRAP group participants people attending follow up support groups

and recovery groups

Earliest studies (1988-1994) showed the importance of support in working toward Wellness and Recovery.

Later studies provided more data on how to develop and keep a strong support system.

They also addressed the importance of enjoying time alone.

People who had strong support systems and enjoyed being alone had few issues with loneliness and seemed to have greater success as they worked on their recovery.

As you work through the WRAP process for developing and keeping a strong support system, add in tools and strategies that help you enjoy and even crave time alone.

Before we begin working on specifically on developing a WRAP for building and keeping support, I want to share with you some key points I have learned about support through my studies.

Support from family, friends, and care providers promotes wellness and recovery. Being effectively supported helps people feel better and enriches their lives.

People in recovery benefit from having at least five good friends or supporters.

Someone to talk and share with

Companionship/to have a good time

Help in figuring things out and making decisions

Someone to take over and keep you safe when you can’t take care of yourself

These are people who: Care about you

Empathize with you

Affirm and validate you and your experience

Accept you as you are

Listen to you and share with you

Advocate for you

Enjoy sharing fun and interesting activities with you

Make decisions for you when you can’t do this for yourself

Are willing to follow your predetermined plans

Good Supporters

Listen, listen, listen

Empathize, empathize, empathize

They know that unasked for advice, criticism and judgments won’t help and will make the other person feel worse.

You may have to educate your supporters about what you want and need.

And ask them what they want and need from you in return.

Relationship Enhancers

Positive Self Esteem Taking good care of yourself Mutuality Respecting boundaries

Keeping in touch

Treating others with unconditional high

regard

Avoiding people who treat you badly

Using "I" statements Listening well, sometimes to the same

story over and over Being clear about what you can listen to

and what you can't

Accepting the other person's view of reality

Staying with someone when they are having a hard time

Relationship Spoilers

Feeling that others won't like you Not taking good care of yourself Treating others badly

Acting in ways that may be embarrassing to others

Being needy and draining Interrupting Sharing "I can top that stories" Giving advice

Criticism, judgment, sarcasm, Put Downs Dragging Up the Past Labels Negative Comparisons, Badmouthing Others

Threats, Taunting, Ridicule

Judgmental “you” messages

Rudeness

Breaking confidentiality

One Person Doing All the Talking

“Know It All” Behavior

Wanting You to be only Their Friend

Flirting with Your Partner

Controlling Behavior

Not Wanting to be Seen with You in Public Places

Clinging or Very Needy Behavior

Inappropriate Sexual Talk

Supportive Statements

I am here for you. I care. What happened? I am sorry that happened to you. That sounds really hard. I'm here to listen How can we work together so you can feel better.

Begin by taking very small steps, gradually expanding your circle of supporters:

1. Start by sharing more openly with one person you know very well.

2. Invite that person to share an activity with you.

3. When you feel ready, choose another person with whom you are willing to share

4. A next step might be going to a peer center or support group.

5. Gradually share more openly with people in the group.

6. If you become uncomfortable with a person or a group, choose others to be supporters.

WRAP Wellness Toolbox Daily Maintenance Plan Triggers and an action plan Early warning signs and an action plan When things are breaking down and an action

plan Crisis Planning Post Crisis Planning

Using WRAP You Decide

When you develop it

How long you take

What you put in it

When you revise it

How you use it in your life

Wellness Toolbox

Who can be your supporters Connecting with supporters Beginning and maintaining relationships Being with supporters Activities with supporters Things to do alone

Who can be your supporters

Family membersFriendsColleaguesPeersHealth care providers

In choosing supporters:

Avoid limiting your options.

Supporters can be any age, shape, size, sex, sexual orientation, and from any religious, cultural, ethnic, educational or economic background.

Support groups and peer support centers are great places to meet potential supporters.

Connecting with SupportersWhere did you meet people who are now your friends?

Community activities Support groups Volunteering Work

Special interest groups Religious and spiritual activities Educational activities Neighbors

Beginning and Maintaining Relationships

Reaching out

Introducing yourself

Chatting

Arranging to get together

Phone call check-ins

Staying connected

Respecting boundaries

Being with Supporters

Listening Sharing Empathizing Peer counseling/exchange listening Check-ins

Problem solving Supporting through hard times Using "I" Statements Respecting boundaries

Activities with Supporters

Cooking Sports Exercise Movies, plays, concerts Talking Eating

Things to Do Alone

Creative arts Writing Music Exercise Reading

Decorating your living space Gardening Fixing things Meditation

Add new tools that have to do with support whenever you notice or discover them

Loneliness Book Winning Against Relapse Self help books

The internet and social networking sites Friends and supporters Care providers Classes, workshops, seminars, groups

What I am like When I am Well

Think about times in your life when you felt connected with another person or other people and when you didn’t feel lonely.

Make a list, write a story, draw a picture, make a collage that describes what that felt like. If you can’t think of such a time, write how you would like it to be.

Refer to this page whenever you need to be reminded of what you are working toward, of what you want to feel like when you have a strong support system, are using it well or when you are enjoying spending time alone.

Daily Maintenance

Which Wellness Tools do you need to use every day to assure that your support system is strong?

Check-in/reality checkCall at least one friend or family memberAvoid people who treat me badlyHave a meal with a family member

Have a 5 minute exchange listening session with a supporter

Spend at least 1/2 hour doing something fun alone

Things I Might Need to Do

Spend more time with supporters Make an appointment with a care provider Spend extra time alone

Plan a special activity with a supporter Arrange a meeting for my supporters Discuss my Advance Directive with supporters Listen and empathize with a friend

Triggers

A disagreement with a friend Someone treating you badly No friends being available A Friend cancelled time together

Being judged or criticized Ending a relationship A difficult phone call Not enough time alone

Triggers Action Plan

Use "I" statements Respect boundaries Do a reality check Talk to a supporter Exchange listening 1 hour doing something alone I enjoy Go to a support group meeting

Early Warning Signs

You have less than 5 people on your list of supporters

You don't want to answer the phone or door You are feeling needy and desperate You are impatient with others You feel hurt someone can't pay attention to you You feel like others don't like you

Early Warning Signs Action Plan

2 peer counseling sessions Call a friend and tell them how you are feeling--ask for

their ideas Ask a friend to go for a walk with you Go to a movie by yourself Do something you do well Do something nice for someone else

When Things are Breaking Down

You haven't reached out to a supporter in 3 days You feel like no one likes you You can't remember who your supporters are You are rude to a family member You are very irritable and impatient

When Things are Breaking Down Action Plan

Have a 5 minute check-in with each of my supporters

Problem solve with supporters Have a meal with family Use "I" statements Treat others with unconditional high regard Spend at least 2 hours doing something I enjoy

alone

Advance DirectiveSupporters are key to the success of the Advance Directive.

Include them in the development of the directive.

Discuss it with them and give them a copy when it is complete.

Give them revised copies as needed.

Choose supporters who are willing to follow your directive.

Do the best you possibly can to be cooperative.

Describe signs that others need to help you clearly so they can be easily understood

Washing my hands for two hours and won't stopSaying words for 2 hours that others can't

understandNot recognizing family membersPurposefully breaking furnitureThreatening the safety of others

List your supporters, how to be in touch with them and what you want them to do.

List people you do not want to be involved.

Describe clearly:What others can do that helps and what does not

help

Chores they need to take care of

Specific plans for "staying-at-home"

Indicators that others no longer need to follow the plan

Post Crisis Plan

Your support team is also key in your post crisis plan. You may want to review that with them as well.

List clearly the people you want to assist and support you through the Post Crisis phase.

Be clear about people you need to avoid.

Your support team will be crucial as you gradually

work toward "Resuming Responsibilities".

Begin using this WRAP for Developing and Keeping a Strong Support Systems whenever you want to.

At first you may want to review your plan everyday, following your Daily Maintenance Plan, and taking other action as needed.

After a while you will notice that you remember your plan and only need to refer to it from time to time, unless you are having a difficult time.

At some point, you may want to incorporate this WRAP into your basic WRAP.

Revise your plan when you discover new Wellness Tools and find that some things work better for you than others and as the circumstances of your life change .

Keep lists of your supporters in convenient places

Bedside

Hanging on your refrigerator or bulletin board

Near your phone

Update your list of supporters as it changes.

Work on Developing and Keeping a Strong Support System is on-going over time.

It is well worth the effort.

Get more ideas on Developing and Keeping a Strong Support System

Talk to others who have had similar experiences

Join a support group

Websites: mentalhealthrecovery.com, wraparoundtheworld.com

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