v- honi sou · his dallying with lesbia ex-limed— "vivamus, mea lesbia, jue ameraus,"...

4
ib v- "HONI SOU" Volume I. No. I, Unregistered. May 3, 1929. Issued Gratis Why We Publish "Honi Soit" w E dc not seek to wrest from our contemporary "Hermes" the place which it has won for itself in the corporate life of the University. Nor do we wish to cover the same field. We have a sterner purpose. We force ourselves upon your notice, flushed with the fervour of the true reformer. To strip the veneer, to open sociate ourselves. We are not un- principled, but we subscribe to no principles. We will not make state- ments for the joy there is in making them. Our cviticism—and criticism will frequently form the theme of our journal—will be constructive, and for the good of all. The Mirror which we seek to hold up to Nature will per- haps be clouded at times, for even Have You Noticed YHAT the University spirit is dying. 'J'HAT the "Sun" car broke both axles applying the headlights test to the 'Varsity Roads. 'pHAT the employers have declared the timber workers* heads black. THAT it is more admirable to write a book than several letters to the press. ^llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!'!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHIIIIHIIHIIIIIIIIIIIllllHIHHHmillllHltlllllHIIIIIIIIHHHHIIIIIIIHU- FE TIVAL and GALA ' Haste thee nymph and bring with thee Jest and youthful jollity." I DOES YOUR M.L.A. KNOW YOU NEED YOUR L BUTTON The Magic Festival Button, marked down to 2/-, guarantees you personal immunity, free admis- sion, free insurance, and all the fun of the Fair. 1 MONDAY, May 20, to FRIDAY, May 24 I iMmiimimiHiiiiiminHiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiwiiiwiiiKiMiwiiBiiiiaiiaiuumiiBiiiiiiwniiaiuiiiwiMiMiHiiiMiMiMiwiWH^ the cupboard on our skeletons, and those of other people, to tell the truth without fear or favour, and to assist our readers in their search for the Tcuchstone of philosophy—happiness —these are our aims. We are iconoclasts. W e do not be- lieve—O Heresy!—that the under- graduate is the most important mem- ber of the community. We refuse to pander exclusively to him. Indeed, we will not pander to anyone. We make our appeal also to the great General Public. ~ University students are sometimes fal- lible. If however, we are occasionally able to point the way to higher things, we shall be satisfied. You will be asked to believe our advertisers. You will be unable to obtain a free life insurance policy be- cause you carry a copy of "Honi Soit." You will not be arrested for sedition if seen in our company. We should, therefore, commend ourselves to all tastes. ll ^HAT practically all 'Varsity wo- From policies vie entirely disas- men claim that they will never marry, and give reasons? ^HAT Australia's national debt is eleven hundred million and still rising. f HAT Dr. Bradfield designed the Harbour Bridge. THAT despite our best efforts the University does not seem to be paying. T H A T Professor Wilkinson laid out the University as an architectural museum, and is proud of it.

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Page 1: v- HONI SOU · his dallying with Lesbia ex-limed— "Vivamus, mea Lesbia, jue ameraus," which (I translate for ; benefit of med. studes) means "Let hurry up and wrice for the song-ok,

ib v-

"HONI SOU" V o l u m e I. N o . I, Unregistered. May 3, 1929. I s s u e d G r a t i s

Why We Publish "Honi Soit" w E dc not seek to wrest from

our contemporary "Hermes" the place which it has won

for itself in the corporate life of the University. Nor do we wish to cover the same field. W e have a sterner purpose.

W e force ourselves upon your notice, flushed with the fervour of the true reformer. T o strip the veneer, to open

sociate ourselves. W e are not un-principled, but we subscribe to no principles. W e will not make state-ments for the joy there is in making them. Our cviticism—and criticism will frequently form the theme of our journal—will be constructive, and for the good of all. The Mirror which we seek to hold up to Nature will per-haps be clouded at times, for even

Have You Noticed Y H A T the University spirit is dying.

' J ' H A T the "Sun" car broke both axles applying the headlights test to the 'Varsity Roads.

' p H A T the employers have declared the timber workers* heads black.

T H A T it is more admirable to write a book than several letters to the press.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!'!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHIIIIHIIHIIIIIIIIIIIllllHIHHHmillllHltlllllHIIIIIIIIHHHHIIIIIIIHU-

FE TIVAL and GALA 'Haste thee nymph and bring with thee Jest and youthful jollity."

I DOES YOUR M.L.A. KNOW YOU NEED YOUR L

BUTTON The Magic Festival Button, marked down to 2/-, guarantees you personal immunity, free admis-sion, free insurance, and all the fun of the Fair.

1 MONDAY, May 20, to FRIDAY, May 24 I iMmiimimiHiiiiiminHiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiwiiiwiiiKiMiwiiBiiiiaiiaiuumiiBiiiiiiwniiaiuiiiwiMiMiHiiiMiMiMiwiWH

the cupboard on our skeletons, and those of other people, to tell the truth without fear or favour, and to assist our readers in their search for the Tcuchstone of philosophy—happiness —these are our aims.

W e are iconoclasts. W e do not be-lieve—O Heresy!—that the under-graduate is the most important mem-ber of the community. W e refuse to pander exclusively to him. Indeed, we will not pander to anyone. W e make our appeal also to the great General Public. ~ —

University students are sometimes fal-lible. If however, we are occasionally able to point the way to higher things, we shall be satisfied.

You will be asked to believe our advertisers. You will be unable to obtain a free life insurance policy be-cause you carry a copy of "Honi Soit." You will not be arrested for sedition if seen in our company. W e should, therefore, commend ourselves to all tastes.

l l ^ H A T practically all 'Varsity wo-

From policies vie entirely disas-men claim that they will never marry, and give reasons?

^ H A T Australia's national debt is eleven hundred million and still rising.

f H A T Dr. Bradfield designed the Harbour Bridge.

T H A T despite our best efforts the University does not seem to be paying.

T H A T Professor Wilkinson laid out the University as an architectural museum, and is proud of it.

Page 2: v- HONI SOU · his dallying with Lesbia ex-limed— "Vivamus, mea Lesbia, jue ameraus," which (I translate for ; benefit of med. studes) means "Let hurry up and wrice for the song-ok,

7

H O N ! S O I T May 3, 1929.

Come, 0 Ye Songsters. W e offer you an opportunity of

avenging an insult to your nation. George Bernard Shaw asserted that Australit has no literature! Will you allow that to pass! No! you are going to write a Comment, song of such outstanding merit that this rash Englishman will humbly crave your pardon; and in the years to come as the multitudes, rendered well-nigh speechless with hero-worship, listen to the deathless record of your art, they will turn to each other and say, "that is the man who made Shaw recant."

By writing a song you will be fol-lowing in the footsteps of the giants of the past. Horace, who will be re-membered (and cursed) as Ung as *' ?re is a Leaving Certificate, once

!d, "Dulce et decorum est pro patria >ri," which any Latin student will •nslate for you as " 'T i s a sweet and >rious thing to write for one's song-ok." While Catullus in the midst

his dallying with Lesbia ex-limed— "Vivamus, mea Lesbia, jue ameraus," which (I translate for ; benefit of med. studes) means "Let

hurry up and wrice for the song-ok, my Lesbia." Now if Catullus, w was absolutely thrilled to shreds out Lesbia, could find time to attend

his duties as an undergrad, then ely you can allow your rival to take t the girl friend for one night while u itay at home and emulate Catullus. Sydney at present is overflowing th topics that are clamouring in-tently to be written about. Heed •ir entreaties and silence the outcry, r a whole week Dr. Arthur poured Ik down our throats. Well , you ;ers, are you going to swallow this utt without a murmur?—Vacate the

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ALLEGED TALKIES

11a for one day and hiccough forth Bacchanalian chorus of protest

iinst the tyranny of Strawberry! te Sydney press is trying to decide 0 designed the North Shore Bridge; j greasers have your own ideas on .t point. Then put them into song 1 let us bellow them at the world. Your song-book committee believes keeping abreast of modern political

«»e, and therefore its members are open to bribery. Any song accom-panied by a small donation will re-ceive very favourable consideration; while for a fiver we guarantee to insert any one song at least three times to-gether with the genealogical tree of its author ( the tree part will be omitted if the author thinks it necessary). Moreover we will return all rejected M.S.S. provided the author encloses sufficient stamps and free seats for any of the current shows.

"Originality is the mother of in-vention," and humbly upon our knees we implore you to let your songs deal with original subjects, %»nd, for once, to leave unnoticed the beards, paunches, Oxford accents and personal idio-syncrasies of the 'Varsity celebrities.

Songs may be submitted to any member of the Undergraduates' Com-mittee up till Wednesday 8th May.

If this exhortation does not inspire -to write at least one song then you

your Committee will confidently re-commend you for membership in the Morons' Union.

In the d im bu t rose- t in ted pas t t h e Union w a s in t h e habi t of showing films in t h e l u n c h h o u r on ce r t a in days of the w o r k i n g week , a nd t h e Tar i f f was f o u r p e n c e a n hour . A s one re-m e m b e r s it t h e p r o g r a m m e was a min i a tu re of t h e a v e r a g e commerc ia l spec imen, spiced wi th al lusive r e m a r k s f r o m a somewha t r owdy bu t a p p r e -ciat ive cl ientele . Somet imes the p ro -j ec to r b r o k e down , bu t t h e resul ts w e r e a l w a y s so lively t h a t no real an imos i ty was felt . T h e Union m a d e o r did no t m a k e m o n e y on t h e show, a nd genera l sa t isfact ion w a s felt all round .

Now w e have a Film Society w h o cha rges u s s ixpence fo r the same old fa re . T h e ex t r a two-pence is justified to u s by the addi t ion of a g r a m o p h o n e with a long-dis tance a t t a c h m e n t , and by t h e sub t rac t ion of por t ion of the old var ied p r o g r a m m e . U p in the Gal lery

and it is a n es tabl ished fac t t h a t t h e h i rdy-gi rdy has no c o n n e c t i o n — e x c e p t t h e o r e t i c — w i t h t h e very o r d i n a r y cel-luloid in the o p e r a t i n g box. Indeed, the old p i ano was fa r m o r e p leasant to listen to t h a n the wai l ing of a dis-embodied a n d ex tended ta lk ing-ma-chine .

In the second place " H o n i So i t " would like to ask the p r o p r i e t o r s o r benef ic iar ies of the Society w h e t h e r t hey a r e British and w h e t h e r t hey sup-pose themselves to be cu l tu red gentle-m e n of a cu l tu r a l inst i tut ion. Is such an unp lea san t A m e r i c a n c a c o p h o n y as " t a l k i e s " to j a r o u r ea r s a long wi th its equal ly obnox ious sister " m o v i e s " ? Need we, of all people , bow down to t h e p reva len t A m e r i c a n invasion? If the commerc ia l c o m p a n i e s choose fo r some reason to adop t a vulgar ism, do

THEATRE NIGHT

Thursday, May 23rd

Festival enthusiasts and participants are advised to make early bookings for the Theatre Performance which will be held at the Tivoli.

This is going to be a special night featuring Muriel Starr, Alan Priora, the famous English comedian Jack Barty, together with other notable artists.

Booking plans will be thrown open on Wednesday, May 8th at 3 .30 p.m., at the University Union, Manning House and The Law School.

#wiLuflC

T AGER is the logical lunch-eon liquor... the tang of a

true lager giving a fillip to the appetite ... the high protein content definitely aiding di-gestion. Indoors or out, let Tooth's K.B. be your luncheon beverage. It's a true Lager.

TOOTH* KB '

LAGER

A Label to Remember!

Here's your guide to the Bitter Ale with dis-tinctive flavour, mel-lowness and a satis-factory tang. Look at the label, and ask for Tooth's Sydney Bitter by its full name.

TOOTHS SYDNEY BITTER

ALE ii

TOOTH'S SHEAF STOUT For better health at lowest cost, Tooth's Sheaf Stout.

ROT*-..ED BY TOOTH (,

m a n y y o u n g people g r o u p themselves r o u n d the musica l box, who usually a nd m o r e p r o p e r l y would have en te red in the old days by the turnst i le .

T h i s g r a m o p h o n e a nd its vag ran t a t t a c h m e n t s a r e cons idered sufficient to i m t i f v thp whnlf conce rn be ing called the "Ta lk i e s , " which is, of course , a hor r id Uni ted State3 word for sound synchronised films. In the first p lace t h e r e is little or no synchronisa t ion .

you feel obliged to imita te their c ru-dities of express ion? " H o n i So i t " would also be pleased to l ea rn wha t p e r c e n t a g e of Bri t ish-made films you have so far exhibi ted.

Finally, we suggest tha t you r d a r k -r.ing a r r a n g e m e n t s be improved , you r

p r o j e c t o r improved, and you r not ice boa rds made reasonably pleasing to the eye. Would it, we ask, be impossible to p ro j ec t on to some decent subst i tu te

for a silver sheet , instead of the back -wall of a c ave rnous s tage? Fif ty p e r cent , increased tariff should m e a n a p r o p o r t i o n a t e inc rease in service, a n d few of you r p a t r o n s a r e in teres ted in you r doubt less inclusive l ibrary of re-cords.

' p H A T the Song Book is very seldom salacious?

i

Page 3: v- HONI SOU · his dallying with Lesbia ex-limed— "Vivamus, mea Lesbia, jue ameraus," which (I translate for ; benefit of med. studes) means "Let hurry up and wrice for the song-ok,

May 3, 1929. HON1 S O I T

Should Men Pay Women Students' Tram Fares?

( T h e E d i t o r . )

D e a r S i r , — I hope you w o n ' t be a n n o y e d wi th m e f o r wri t ing to you to ask your opinion but I a m real ly very wor r ied . P e r h a p s you w o n d e r h o w I k n e w tha t you were going to publish a p a p e r ? W e l l you see I kick a r o u n d wi th a c h a p w h o is a great f r i end of the m a n tha t M r . G o s s a m e r p icked to represent m y y e a r a n d h e to ld me tha t you w e r e going to a n d so I know all abou t it .

N o w I a m only a Fresher , M r . E d i t o r , a n d consequent ly a m not very wel l u p in ' V a r s i t y w a y s a n d this is w h a t ' s wor ry ing me. E v e r y morning I meet one of the women of m y yea r a t the t r a m — s h e ' s a l w a y s there first a n d so I c a n ' t d o d g e h e r — a n d w e r ide in together a n d I p a y her fa re . N o w t h a t ' s i t — s h o u l d I p a y her f a r e seeing tha t I only met her a f e w weeks a g o ? . Y o u see it makes qui te a big d i f ference in this w a y : W h e n I r ide wi th her I d o n ' t like to use m y t r a m pass a n d as it is a three section journey tha t means 3 d . ex t ra plus 5 d . fo r h e r — m a k i n g 8 d . ext ra a l together . T h i s means 3 / 4 a week in t h e morning and there ' s also one a f t e rnoon which brings it up to 4 / - a week . T h i s is £ 2 a t e rm and means £ 6 a yea r . A s w e a r e both doing M E D . w e will t ravel together for six yea r s a nd tha t means £ 3 6 . F u r t h e r since everyone fai ls in T h i r d Y e a r w e will have to s tay seven yea r s a t the ' V a r s i t y a n d that makes it £ 4 2 .

Festival Week.

"it d o w n t seem a bit fa i r t o me tha t this girl should cost m e so much money , bu t as I a m on ly a Fresher a n d don ' t know much I wou ld like to have your opinion as I a m cer ta in it will be a good one. H o p i n g tha t I haven ' t caused you too much bother ,

I a m . Y o u r s V e r y T r u l y ,

M.T.G. [Th i s is such a con ten t ious m a t t e r

t h a t we have t a k e n the l iberty of p r in t -ing you r let ter in full. We have a sked several W o m e n U n d e r g r a d s a b o u t it and one has promised to give us her views on the subject . W e .-hould also like to hea r some Senior Men's views on the f a m e point . |

EDITOR.

Ethics of Advertisement T h i s paper is publ ished f ree , but

wi th the best wil l in the w o r l d w e cou ld not bring ourselves to the point of admit t ing advert is ing mat te r f ree . W e cou ld however limit our adver -tisers to r epu tab le firms w h o m w e can strongly r ecommend to your custom. W e honestly believe that the qual i ty of their goods is a s s ta ted , a n d w e cer tainly know that the prices a re reasonable , which is al l that one expects a n d more than one commonly

gets.

O n Monday the 2 0 t h May most th ings will be as u sua l : lectures , resur -rec ted Fr iday l uncheons in t h e bevery , bill iards, w o r k a n d bo redom. But in the evening will t a k e p lace t h e Re-un ion Dinner , o r Gourme t s ' M a r a t h o n , a nd the w e e k will be dec la red a n open season fo r hi lar i ty . T h e Dinner will be lively, wi th excel lent cuis ine and easily ass imilated wate rs , a n d it is ex-pec ted tha t a g rea t n u m b e r of d ine r s will a t t end . A f t e r d inner speeches will b e p r u n e d , of course , to the ba res t s tumpe, bu t no e m b a r g o will be p laced on all who can get t ake r s for p romis -cuous toas ts of the t y p e : "Gen t l emen , the P r e s i d e n t " ; " T h e Gnod Old D a y s " ; " T h e Song Book ." F u r t h e r m o r e , suit-able c o m m u n a l s inging m a y b e in-dulged in.

• • • Tuesday will also be m a r r e d by lec-

tures , bu t a s f a r a s we can tell t hey need leave no t r a c e ; a t least if the Evening S tuden t s ' S m o k o is a s success-fu l as usual . " H o n i So i t " has the grea tes t respec t fo r the sister body, and has vivid recol lect ions of a t least the ear l ier por t ion of some dozen o r so evenings spent unde r its auspices , and a t o r u n d e r its hospi ta l board . It is even possible tha t in t ime we shall l ea rn the t u n e of tha t ve ry leng thy song "Sons of Mother Eve A r e W e . " W e should willingly suf fe r a g rea t deal m o r e t h a n bad singing in o r d e r n o t t o miss the ameni t ies of a n evening spent wi th such del ightful hosts.

• • • Wednesday is r a the r u n f o r t u n a t e in

the m a t t e r of lectures , bu t most people have in the past not been very sc ru-pu lous abou t a t t end ing t hem. Of course , we m a k e no suggestion*. It mere ly seems to us tha t no s tudent who respects his hea l th could possibly rise ea r ly e n o u g h to be p resen t at a lec ture w h e n it is cer ta in tha t he will not be in beu till abou t f ou r o ' c lock on T h u r s d a y morn ing . T h e Festival Ball will be in full e rup t ion on Wed-nesday evening a t 8 p.m. in the Union Refec to ry , a nd t h e r e wul doubt less be s to re of fa i r ladies who must be es-co r t ed home. T h e o rches t r a will be the best p rocu rab le .

• • • T h u r s d a y will be a rduous , bu t at

least lec tures will have succumbed at last t o t h e p reva len t an t ipa thy . Var i -ous i tems listed fo r the day a r e the G a r d e n P a r t y a t 3 p .m. , the usual . Address to the Gen t l emen and Players , Facul ty Exhibi t ions, A n n o u n c e m e n t of Blues, a nd unorgan i sed tou r s of the premises . W h a t the-exhibi t ions will be

Honi So i t " has not the least idea, a s the var ious j abbe rwocks . a p p r o a c h e d for details, seem to have dis t rusted our motives. W e r e tu rn good fo r evil by suppos ing tha t t hey will su rpass them-selves. U n f o r t u n a t e l y this yea r we have not been able to a r r a n g e fo r a real ly represen ta t ive c rowd to meet the Senate , a nd we must apologise fo r o u r sin of omission. T h e evening will be devoted to the now t radi t ional T h e a t r e Par ty , and it is real ly essential tha t

the resul t tha t it was fo r some t ime though t unwise to r epea t i t ; will you please t ry to jus t i fy o u r pa the t ic con-fidence in y o u r 'Vars i ty spir i t?

• • • Friday, of course , p re sen t s t h e cul-

mina t ing o rgy of e n j o y m e n t . Proces-s ion ) Well, we canno t disclose all tha t we know or a n y t h i n g t h a t w e su rmise ; we can, however , p romise t h a t it will be by fa r the liveliest and longes t pro-cession t h a t has occu r r ed s ince t h e days w h e n the T o w n Hall o rgan oozed self-raising flour f rom every vent . It will not b e indecent , because t h e fash ion n o w a d a y s is against these th ings , and the Associat ion is ve ry solicitous abou t o u r demeanour . A f t e r the per ipa te t i cs a r e washed and cleaned the carn iva l will t a k e p lace in the Uni-versi ty Grounds . Side-shows (var ious and a s ye t s e c r e t ) , mixed and inex-pensive danc ing , flirtations, conduc ted and u n c h a p e r o n e d tours , will f lourish till very late. T h e d a y is you r own and the evening is anybody ' s .

A n d so, p resumably , to bed.

eve ryone a t tend . T h e Associa t ion lost heavily on this item in pas t years , with I

Come, O Ye Faithful A n intell igent and c o u r a g e o u s peru-

sal of the Univers i ty C a l e n d a r will pro-vide a long list of bene fac to r s , al l of t hem muni f icen t a n d some of t hem posit ively pr ince ly . T o these people we own t h e g rea tes t gra t i tude , for the i r gifts have enabled us to b e m o r e comple te ly and less expensively edu-cated , tha t is, whenever we so desired. But the i r benefac t ions had necessar i ly to be limited in the i r appl ica t ion to the mens s a n a : f ew respectable cit izens would wish the i r n a m e s to a p p e a r in a subscr ip t ion list fo r a new and less ex to r t iona te bi l l iard room, a m o d e r n fiction l ibrary, silver grill or t ap - room. Such th ings a r e s imply not done osten-tat iously or lavishly.

C o n t r a r y to t h e c o m m o n opinion, u n d e r g r a d u a t e s a r e a poo r but ha rd -living race, with a g rea t n u m b e r of calls to be met with highly i n a d e q u a t e means . Benefac t ions have helped us •o c h a m p a g n e tas tes which mock o u r Bevery incomes. If the Universi ty is wor thy of its posi t ion, t hen its mem-bers should b e educa ted in a cul tura l a t m o s p h e r e and pleasant sur roundings . T h e Union does its best, and we a re willing to believe that it is ba re ly self-suppor t ing . O t h e r societies also cater for t h e var ious yea rn ings of Under -graduates , a t least so f a r a s they safely or conscient iously may. Chief of these is the Undergraduates* Associa-tion. Each financial m e m b e r of th is body has had an a n n u a l five shill ings distilled f r o m him for necessary p u r -poses: T h e Associat ion gives him

H e r m e s , " the Univers i ty o rgan of d i le t tant ism; it o rganises an a n n u a l b inge last ing for a week and providing an invaluable excuse fo r b ibulous t ransgress ions ; it runs excellent dances , provides counsel fo r del inquents , pub-lishes a pa the t ic f inancial r epor t show-ing a great a cqua in t ance wi th the loaves and fishes pr inciple , and it sup-por t s unreservedly s tuden t co-opera-t ion with a n y func t ion or activity of the official Univers i ty bodies.

T h e genera l publ ic a r e invited to visit us in Festival week, and Gala Day for the p u r p o s e of seeing how well we can amuse and instruct , and jus t quiet ly, of assist ing our purse. Of course , we do not suggest that a ha t will con f ron t our visitors, we a r e not ask ing a lms; ra ther we offer you a di-ver t ing en te r t a inment and a p leasant day in r e tu rn for your widow's mite. A f t e r all we must in sheer decency some day pay our credi tors , and w e ha te to think ihac the intettecTuat ~re-— finery of the coun t ry should shi rk its

little bills.

Page 4: v- HONI SOU · his dallying with Lesbia ex-limed— "Vivamus, mea Lesbia, jue ameraus," which (I translate for ; benefit of med. studes) means "Let hurry up and wrice for the song-ok,

H O N I S O I T May 3, 1929. 1

The Big Boat Race: Tips for To-morrow (By Spash.)

The Trial Eight will certainly start, and I think, stands a good chance of finishing.

At present they are rating in the vicinity of 48 but this should be brought down to about 22 within the next few days. Their most notice-able feature is their powerful feather and if this is developed further we can expect them to fly through the water.

The 'Varsity Eight when last seen were splashing down the river, lustily rendering the "Vulgar Boatman."

Each man has a new swivel and some a new oat to match. Last Saturday they took part in the Ladies' Regatta .ind only just failed to qualify. Vet in spite of this setback they are confident of at least extending the Trial Eight especially if given a good start.

C O L L E G E S . The College Crews are as funny

Evidently keen on making their boat jump, they put it to the pontoon the other day but although going at full speed it refused to leap out of the water onto its rack and so its nose was bent.

The crew consists of a pack of dark horses and the cox who, by the way, steers with one hand, needs watching.

They will run second to-morrow, dead heating with Pauls.

The Dark Reds are a keen lot of critters and row nearly every afternoon. Ringing in is practised occasionally. They rate at 22 and clear 1 foot 7 inches. Although young they should last the distance to-morrow.

With the Blues and Greens we have a contrast of Brute Strength and ig— I mean science.

Beth appear over confident. Each afternccn they race each other but as yet neither has succeeded in beating

COME, O YE SLOTHFUL

Elsewhere in this issue your parents, sponsors, benefactors and friends will read a mild little article telling them what your Association is, but to you we have no excuse for pleasantries and j we do not intend to indulge in them, j

"Hermes" comes out three days late —at a loss, and you forthwith revile the editorial staff; you fail to get reasonably ill at your Smoke Concerts, and you immediately blame the Com-mittee and not your hardened capa-cities. But your first and greatest grumble is at the extraction of a very necessary five shillings, which is to a philosopher merely five games of bil-liards, one box of chocolates, two as-sorted hymn books or one stadium seat. Most of you deplore the death of the old "Commem." spirit and yet care-fully refrain from any attempt to sup-port the body which alone makes your

or borrow the "Song Book"? It may interest the more tender-hearted among you that the Association is forced to print "Hermes" as a losing concern the "Song Book" makes a profit, per-haps because it appeals to your lower natures.

Some of you are poor, we are pen-niless ourselves; will the modest sub-scription of five shillings be too much for the services rendered? If you cannot spent five shillings at least you can refrain from your jejune criticisms. Being overworked irascible.

we are very

Did you ever contribute to "Hermes," to the "Song Book." oi to any other of our publications? Did you ever give us any help at all, ex-cept easy-chair criticisms? Ninety nine per cent, of you did not and ai

C O M M E M O R A T E T H E O C C A S I O N Get a new suit to-measure and leave your old one to be cleaned and pressed by D A V I D J O N ITS '

TWEED SUITS TU-MKASUKE 7,8,9gns. As Tweed Suits have been decreed the smartest and most serviceable for every-day wear, we suggest you get one ! Have it cut to your exact measurements and tailored by David Jones' experts. Your choice lays in Donegal Tweeds, Ballymenas, Perthshires, Yorkshires and Cromartys, all of which David Jones' stock in the very latest colors and patterns. Select while range is complete 7, 8 & 9gns

D A V I D J O N E S ' Castlereagh, Market and Elizabeth Streets.

Branch Men's Shop, opposite GJ*X).

CLEANING & PRESSING SERVICE

David Jones' will sponge and press your Suit for 3, 6, and if you leave it before 9.30 a.m. it will be ready by 5.30 p.m. It will save time if you leave it in your own suitcase. David Jones' cannot collect or deliver for this service. Suit or Overcoat thoroughly cleaned and pressed for 8 6. Leave Garments at the Tailoring Department Lower Ground Floor, New Store or at Branch Shop

opp. G.P.O.

as ever. Wesley for instance it a crew of practical jokers and only a week or so ago, they pitted the weight of their car against that of a five ton truck—and lost.

They have had a lot of changing and they put their stroke down to the 'Varsity Eight because of his partiality for crabs.

the ether. They hate each other and they row side by side good natured banter is flung from boat to boat.

If you den't believe this, pick the winners yourself and come up the river to-morrow and have a first hand view of your favourite crew being beaten.

Festival possible. By long experience we have realised the futility of appeal-ing to your nobler natures, but some taunts there are which may pierce your shields of indolence. What other University bedy gives you the oppor-tunity for an annual carnivalia? Do you scorn "Hermes" or read it? Buy

least fifty per cent, of you refrain eve: frcm attendance at the Festival, is all very puzzling so we will con tinue the process of spoonfeeding wit another pleasant little paper which wi cost you merely the trouble of reading

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