Verbal & Nonverbal Communication

Chapter 9

Verbal Communication

• Language Must Be– Clear – Responsible– Culturally Sensitive– Congruent

• Using Good language skills reduces defensiveness in a relationship

Language Must Be Clear

• Abstract Language is vague– False consensus (We think

others understand our mental shorthand.)

• Examples– You need to be more organized.– You need to back off.– You are so selfish.– We can talk about that later.

Language Must Be Clear

• Relative Language gains its meaning by comparison.

• Examples– The restaurant was OK.– The movie was great.– We’ll be leaving soon.– Could you help out?

Language Must Be Clear

• Static Language implies that the person or situation is always the same.

• Examples– He’s never happy.– She’s always giggling.– He gets angry about everything.

• Fallacy of overgeneralization

Language Must be Responsible

• Avoid expressing opinion as fact.

• Don’t commit the fallacy of causation.– You made me mad.

• “You language” puts blame on the other person & causes defensiveness.

• Use “I languge” instead. It takes responsibility for your response to the other person’s behavior.

Language Must be Responsible

• Three components of an effective I statement.– 1. Behavioral description. Actual

description of behavior. (non-judgmental)

– 2. Emotional description. How you felt when the other person did this.

– 3. Consequence(s) the other’s behavior will have on your actions.

• You should get a less defensive reaction.

Language Must be Responsible

• Soften serious consequences with a phrase such as “I’m worried that . . . ” or “I’m wondering if. . . “

• Examples:– I might not want to see you

anymore.– I might not want to work with

you.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive

• Monochronic cultures (individualist) value time efficiency.

• Polychronic cultures (collectivist) value interpersonal relationships.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive

• High-context communication relies more on context and less on specific language to convey the message. (location, topic, goals of the conversation, history of the communicators)

• Low-context communication is more direct and relies on clear, concrete, and explicit language.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive

• High context is preferred in most collectivist cultures– Japan values intuitive

understanding.– Isshin densin or “traditional

mental telepathy “ is prized.– Allows subtlety and “saving

face” or embarrassment

• Japan, Arab, and some Mediterranean cultures.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive

• Low-context communication is much more direct– Often, little attention is paid to

context.– “Say what you mean, and mean

what you say.”– “Don’t beat around the bush.”– Scandinavian, German and

Israeli cultures are this way.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive: How many words are appropriate?

• Elaborate language (colorful, expressive, metaphors, similes, numerous adjectives); Arab/Middle Eastern/African-American

• Exacting communication (clear & specific; states the facts & no more)

• Succinct (Says very little & relies on context) Chinese & Native American; silence valued; A man of few words is wise. One who talks much may be dishonest.

Language Must Be Culturally Sensitive

• Goal of the Communication

• Instrumental communication– Focuses on speaker’s goal;

persuading, getting point across

• Affective communication– Person oriented; focuses on

building and maintaining good relations

Gender and Communication

• Problem-solving vs. empathy

• Details vs. Big Picture

• Asking for Help

• Use of Questions