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Happiness

Life is what I would like to call, a very broad journey. From when we are all kids grow-

ing up, we see our parents and those around us with their typical 9-5 jobs, or so we think; until

we get older and start putting the pieces of the puzzle together on life. Throughout high school

we start realizing that we need college, after all high school is prepping us for the four year insti-

tution we all are expected to attend. From that point on, while in college, it starts to hit us. The

big picture that society struggles over; happiness. “Requiem for A Dream” and “The Hours” can

be examined and compared with the topic addressed. The movies revolve around accomplish-

ments, road blocks and choices one must distinguish and choose in life; despite the outcome of

that individuals decision. These movies have an inspiration and contribution to this paper. They

are the movies that really stuck with me after watching them. They left me questioning life and

happiness; How can one accomplish and experience this feeling? How can an individual make

happiness something everlasting instead of just temporary?

Also, I will be speaking about happiness and my different theories on it along with a vari-

ety of approaches, such as a few books that I’ve chosen and one of them is about the theories and

personal research performed by Psychologist and Psychotherapist, Richard O’Connor. His book

elaborates on happiness and what it means to fully grasp the concept of it. He has been in the

field for more then 30 years. He himself suffers from chronic depression. In his book he speaks

about his illness along with some of his patients; and how they perceive happiness.

The theories I will be speaking about are derived from my experience and my approach

on happiness. To me, happiness all depends on the individual themselves. People my age don’t

think about this topic...because either they can’t really grasp it, or better yet they don’t want to

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think about what comes along with happiness. People my age think they are invincible and are

too busy partying their twenties away before they have to enter the “real world.”

There’s a bigger picture here that people not only my age but of all ages are missing, one

has to reach deep down in their soul in order to face their problems and issues; leading them one

step closer to being able to allow themselves to be truly happy. People search for happiness their

whole lives, they cause themselves stress. In O’Connor’s, “Happy At Last,” he states that de-

pression and anxiety are “now” understood as brain malfunctions due to stress, pain and hurt;

you aren’t born with these miseries, they are influenced and become instilled in the human brain.

This is where learning happiness can benefit the “stressed” individual.

Life today in our society is rough; we are constantly competing for success, money,

recognition and power; rat race. But are those worth the stress they bring upon an individual? Do

they enhance happiness? If anything they ware an individual down, emotionally and physically.

This we will touch upon later on when discussing further lessons and insight from Richard

O’Connors, “Happy at Last.”

I will share a story or two from two books by Joy Ufema. One of them was very inspira-

tional. Joy is an R.N and in one of her books, “Brief Companions,” Joy decided that she was go-

ing to conduct a few studies on a few patients whom were hospice residents. Now these individu-

als can reside in a hospice for not even a week, to year, not even a month and she decided to stay

with a few patients and get to know them well. These hospice patients were willing to tell a com-

plete stranger about their lives and about happiness and if they ever found it. One of the most

spoken about things in the patients lives was regret. They all spoke about their regrets in life and

what they should have done. One patient who she became acquainted with was an older man

whom was dying of prostate cancer; he was given a month to live. His dream was to travel the

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world on his boat but society steered him away from that dream and so he chose the business

world; working in an office. When he was told how much time he had left to live, he decided to

take out all his savings, buy that sail boat he’s always dreamed of having, packed his bags and

left on his journey. When he came back a month later, the doctor gave him a screening and was

astonished by what he had seen. The cancer was completely gone. Happiness was to thank. That

journey led to his happiness and enhanced his health. Happiness does cure the sick. When we

live our lives not doing what we love, not doing what makes us happy, it makes us sick. We go

day in and day out dreading waking up in the morning to go to work five days a week, eight

hours a day. It causes stress when an individual is unhappy with their lives. That stress it the

route of sickness.

Society drives individuals into going down one of two paths in life; one being, choosing

the path of success which entails being financially stable or the second which is choosing your

own path, away from societies “ideal” career path. The second path is when a person chooses to

pursue their dreams; even if it means not earning a 60 thousand yearly salary. At least that person

is will be happy. Society tends to manipulate our paths, constantly feeding us the fact that in or-

der to be happy in life, one has to gain a meet a certain amount of yearly salary. This reminds

me of Harry and the other main characters in “Requiem For A Dream.” He chose the fast path in

life and ended up losing everything. I will go into further detail about the movie later on.

I have a friend whom was not born and bred in America. He is from Italy and he chose to

pursue his dream of becoming at first a mediocre photographer; mediocre because they have

never practiced the art of photography. But he kept pursuing that dream and he became well

known in his small home town. Although this person does not receive a huge salary, they are

happy in what they do. Another friend of mine I know, chose the career that brought in money;

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he is miserable. Although he earns a good living, he is stuck in his cubicle 40+ hours a week. He

find themselves not having time to enjoy life and barely spending time with his children because

he is so caught up in making that extra few dollars. Out of these two people lives, I would choose

the photographer making far less then the financial advisor. The photographer has less income

but happier overall in his life.

From when we are children, we see our parents or guardians working hard in order to

provide an ideal and comfortable lifestyle for themselves and their families. I don’t agree that

college preps an individual to become successful in life. As far as knowledge wise, yes college

does instill that into an individual. A degree does not hold the key to happiness, but rather

knowledge. The point is that college is a joke...a degree doesn’t promise happiness. You might

make a lot more money then someone who doesn’t hold a degree but that other individual might

end up being happier without that piece of paper. Also, in most cases now a days, college gradu-

ates are jobless or working minimum wage. According to a US News online article, the percent-

age for college grads who hold a minimum wage paying job is 71% higher then it was a decade

ago. This doesn’t surprise me, and is quite frankly the reason why I am in no rush to graduate.

Why do we invest our time and money into an institution that does not promise the financial se-

curity we all seek? By the time we get out of college, we are in over our heads with student loans

and are rushed into finding a job within that 6 month deferment time period after graduation;

most likely placing ourselves into a minimum wage job that won’t suffice and meet our financial

needs.

One major reason I chose to study in Hawaii was to get away from the east coast, New

York City state of mind. Everyone back home are almost like robots. They get up at the crack of

dawn, take the train into the city, come home around 8:00 p.m, just in time to eat something

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quickly, take a shower and do it all over again the next day. This to me reminded me of the “Cu-

bicle Culture” mentioned in O’Connor’s, “Happy At Last” book. “Cubicle culture deprives us of

the opportunity for transcendent experiences when we can be in touch with something larger than

ourselves--the sea, the sky, the mountains, the grass growing, the wind blowing, the leaves fall-

ing.” (O’Connor, 39) The north east adapts this culture automatically. Theres no time to appreci-

ate what is around us and to find joy in those little things that surround us. That is not living to

me, that is not happiness. When I moved out, I experienced a whole new aspect on life. Learning

that there is so much more to it than what is practiced back home. I didn’t experience life and

thought I knew what happiness was back home, but I was far from happy back home. O’Connor

states that happiness is learned. We are not born with it and some people are just happier then

others. I was able to learn and choose to be happy. The state of mind in Hawaii has shown me a

whole new world. I have truly experienced happiness when I moved here; and there is still so

much more to learn and gain when it comes to understanding happiness.

For me, happiness is when you find yourself being able to fully live without having to

worry about money, without having to worry about the world, just excluding yourself from the

negativity. This is my philosophy on this topic, I wanted to talk about my personal experience,

my personal philosophies and theories and outlook on this. I’m twenty four now, I’m turning

twenty five years old you know, and this topic has been simmering in my mind for the past two

years and it really started simmering when I first moved to Hawaii. I would sit on my stoop ev-

ery day for hours, writing about what I saw and the people I encountered. I took note that the

homelessness in Hawaii is through the roof. There was one encounter I had with a homeless per-

son named Gypsy. He had first made it clear that he was not homeless but rather houseless. He

had chosen the life he lived. He was happy where he was. That encounter stirred a big question

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in me, If people can be content with the lives they live, not having a home but yes a job, what is

the big picture here that we are all missing? What are we are missing as individuals and as soci-

ety as a whole? We are missing a lot of things and we’re not working together to grasp the con-

cept of happiness. Yes happiness does come individually but if one can understand and fully

grasp happiness, we all can learn from that each other. In one of the books I am reading by the

Dalai Lama, the philosophies of happiness in life and the meaning of it is that perhaps we are

happy but we just don’t realize it, perhaps we are faced with things that make us happy but we

are too blind to see because we are too busy stressing over bills or we are too busy stressing over

school. I can personally say that I am happy, I try to minimize the stress that comes from my ev-

eryday challenges I am faced it. We are all faced with challenges, we just have to look past them.

Happiness is when an individual has stress but is able to limit their stress a lot by seeing the good

in the littlest things. For me, that can entail me driving, listening to a certain song and having an

open highway. It’s a great feeling that overcomes you from something so simple yet something

that has an impact on you. If an individual hides or denies this feeling, then they are miserable.

Happiness is out there, it’s up to the individual to accept it. I asked a friend of mine

whom is a Sergeant in the Army, what makes you happy? He said, you know, no one has ever

asked me that question before; it’s a good one. So what he came up with was that dancing and

his accomplishments made him happy. But he didn’t really get what I was trying to ask. I guess

everyone has a different definition of happiness. So I gave him an example of something that

happened randomly in my day that sparked the feeling of happiness in me. It was something so

simple, I put $0.90 into a coke machine and got two cans instead of one. That made my whole

day. So in reply to that, he said I’ll have to get back to you on that. I told him you have an as-

signment to do every night, you have a little booklet? He said yes, so I said, okay every night

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when you come home before you go to bed, I want you to write down what made you happy that

day, anything and everything. Keep this up every single day and at the end of the week, reflect

on those things that made you happy. When you are having a bad day, read your journal.

So the next day I brought it up again and he said I’ve got it, I thought about what you had asked

me to do. So he told me what had made him happy. He said first, I guess I’ve been so caught up

in my life that I never took the time to come home and replay my day, to think about it. He said,

instead of me thinking of something that me happy, I would instead, think about all the things

that went wrong in that day. So from what I had asked him to think about and do, from that point

on, he looks forward to coming home, unwind and write in his journal about all the things that

made him happy throughout his day.

One thing about me and happiness is that it can always be worse, someone, somewhere in

the world can have it ten times worse then you. That keeps me going and not letting the little

things get to me. I count my blessings and carry-on. I see no point in stressing over a lot of

things. A lot of things that we encounter on a daily basis, by allowing them to stress us, we’re

causing harm to our bodies and mind. Stress causes lack of sleep and anxiety. Ask yourself, is it

worth it?

In the book/ movie, “The Hours”, Virginia Wolfe is a writer whom is writing Mrs. Dal-

loway. Laura Browns story is set in the 1950’s, “The Golden Era,” where women were stay at

home wives, men were at work and everything was “Perfect.” Laura Brown reads Mrs. Dal-

loway and when she reads it, she escapes her reality. But it influences her in a bad way. She is

very unsatisfied with her life and in the book at one point, Virginia Wolfe writes about her suici-

dal thoughts. One day, Laura drops off her son and she checks into a hotel where she attempts to

overdose on pills to kill herself. She does not go through with it, just lays there thinking about

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her unsatisfied life. One thing that all three women in, “The Hours” have in common are that

they are all unhappy with the lives they live. They are all set in different eras and are all faced

with everyday life in which to them makes them miserable. They all cope with their misery in

different ways, one is writing, one is reading and the other is occupying themselves in the lives

of those around them, leaving them no room to think about their own issues. In the end...non of

the women choose to be happy; they never find it.

Happiness come from within; if an individual is unhappy with themselves then how can

they view the good in the world? In Richard O’Connor’s “Happy At Last,” he confirms one of

my theories about money and finding happiness within; “It’s not bad enough that wealth doesn’t

bring happiness. Wealth itself is going to be harder and harder to get. It’s time for a revolution.

This is going to be a small revolution. Although, the government could do a much better job than

it does, government can’t provide the solution to happiness. The revolution in happiness has to

come at a personal level-mostly at an individual level--although our relationships with others can

help, too.” (O’Connor, 2) My take on this is that yes, happiness has to come from within first, in-

stead of buying it. Money only gets you so far. The wealthiest person in the world can be the

most miserable, most people fail to see this...or better yet most individuals fail to come to terms

with this theory.

Richard O’Connor himself suffers from Chronicle Depression as mentioned earlier. He

speaks about it briefly along with some of his clients/patients. He claims that those who suffer

from this illness are the ones behind the scenes of happiness and figuring out what it takes to ob-

tain it; they do not see life like individuals do, who do not suffer from Chronicle Depression.

Those who are diagnosed with this are the ones who are analyzing and criticizing happiness, al-

ways. “My patients and I, other fellow depression - sufferers, are your canaries in the coal mine.

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We suffer from whats known as a depressive realism - the tendency to see things without com-

forting illusions. We’ve been facing the realities of life for a long time, and we can help you as

those realities become sharper and tougher, as they are going to do. Besides that, depressed peo-

ple know that the ability to experience happiness again is the very last symptom of depression to

lift, and we’ve had to work hard to get there.” (O’Connor, 2)

When it comes to the feeling one experiences when they are happy...it is only temporary.

According to O’Connor, the individual must learn, that once obtained (feeling of happiness) they

have to prolong that feeling, some how. He mentions the “Hedonic Treadmill,” in which means

that no matter how much you have right now, you’re always lusting and wanting for more; now

when you get more, you will once again lust and want for more. This theory and or term reverts

back to the theory that money can’t buy happiness. The individual will continue to binge on

shopping and obtaining objects that they think will make them happy. But thats not the case be-

cause it’s a never ending cycle, it’s all an illusion. O’Connor claims that its a proven fact that

sudden wealth won’t make an individual happy. Happiness all depends on the individual.

I couldn't agree with O’Connor more then when he said that by learning and choosing decisions

that would benefit our happiness, creates and instills positivity. Henry from the film, “Requiem

For A Dream,” failed to learn this. All four characters, Tyrone, Marion, Sara and Henry com-

pletely were blindsided by the wrong interpretation of how to obtain happiness. Drugs were the

main chase for money and the demise of all the characters in the movie. For Sara, her demise

was in the form of a pill...it was the “Happy Pill.” Her life depended on this pill once she saw it

was helping her lose weight. Turns out she wasn’t eating anything at all. It drove her mad and

delusional to the point where she would talk to her dead husband even more and envision the re-

frigerator moving and talking. Her happiness lasted only when she saw how much weight she

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lost, but her illusions took over and made her insane. As for Henry, his demise was also the

drugs but more intense; marijuana, coke and heroin. Along with him was his best friend Tyron

whose demise was equal. Together they came up with the concept of getting rich through getting

their hands on an exclusive drug. Once obtained, they started using their supply. They made

money but they didn’t save it and would use it foolishly. Later on came Henrys girlfriend Mar-

ion; she was a druggie as well. Aside from drugs, her demise was her family, money and most of

all Henry. She would bail him out and sell herself in order to get money or in order to get her

hands on this exclusive drug. In the end, non of them gained happiness, they chose the wrong

path. Henry died, his mother ended up in the psychiatric ward, Tyrone ended up in jail and Mar-

ion ended up being nothing. She did have money, but it didn’t buy her happiness. It brought her

guilt and disgust in herself. She never perused her dreams of becoming a fashion designer all be-

cause of Henry, whom was her main demise. I chose this movie to add to my paper because to

me it was about the lengths some individuals go through in order to obtain happiness...or what

they think happiness is. From an online article about this movie, it spoke about the meaning, con-

cepts and ideas behind the film. It went into details on what a requiem for a dream is. Requiem is

an act or token of remembrance; a setting for a mass. For Tyrone’s character, his requiem was

his mother. For Harry’s mother, her requiem was her husband and for Harry, his requiem was his

mother. It explains how the movie is about the lengths people go through to escape their reality

and that when you escape that reality, you create a hole in your present because of your absence

from your reality. The director, Aronofsky, explains that the film is about addiction to anything,

not just illegal drugs; it can be a range from diet, exercise, work, or even hope as Aronofsky puts

it.

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Overall, the characters in the movie failed to see happiness. They all were fixed on the

fast and simple life; not working for their money in an honest way. This movie made me really

think and it had an everlasting impression on me. Not that I would fall into this but it’s just a re-

ally sad and unfortunate choice that they all made. They had the choice to be happy but they

didn’t know what that was. Their happiness was far from the real thing and because of their

choices, they paid the ultimate price in the end. This movie is an example of how an individual

can be blinded by the bad and be steered down the wrong path.

In the Dalai Lama’s book, “In My Own Words,” just like O’Connors book, believes that

happiness is the ultimate goal in life. His approach is more spiritual opposed to O’Connors book

which is more on a factual, text book, and experience view. He claims that in order to obtain

happiness, you first have to obtain tranquility; in which comes from love and compassion. When

one is more compassionate, they can develop genuine sympathy for others suffering and the will

to help remove their pain. As a result, our own serenity and inner strength will increase. In

O’Connors book, he talks about something more or less along the same concept when obtaining

happiness through friends and positivity. According to the Dalai Lama, it is a mistake to place all

our hope for happiness on external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins

and nature to discover who we are and what it is we require. (Lama, 4)

O’Connor states that happiness can be learned; that it is an art, a process. It isn’t easy to

acquire it but once it is, O’Connor compares it to riding a bicycle. Practice makes perfect and the

more practice, the more your brain replaces your bad habits with those new ones that bring hap-

piness. When reading that happiness is smaller then you think, O’Conor reminded me of my

coke can experience mentioned earlier. “Often found in the details and moments when we’re not

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looking. A really good grilled cheese sandwich can go a long way toward making your day, if

you have the right outlook. Happiness is smaller than you think.” (O’Connor, 7)

There are three key traditions to obtain more happiness according to O’Connor. Bud-

dhism, which can help us reduce misery. Hedonism (simple pursuit of pleasure), which teaches

us about joy. Eudaimonia (living in accordance with one’s individual strengths and virtues, liv-

ing up to ones true potential), which gives us a way to think about bringing greater satisfaction

into our lives. Seems pretty simple and obtainable, but will we choose this? No, because contem-

porary society interferes with our happiness. “It puts us into a constant state of stress, which

damages our health and makes it difficult for us to make wise decisions, as well as causing bar-

ing damage in the areas with good feelings. It tells us that overwork is a good thing, that we

should be of how many commitments we can juggle, instead of reminding us that we were prob-

ably designed to work only three or four hours a day. It interferes with leisure time, family time,

nature time, God time, other-people time--all things that would lead to more happiness. It tells us

that we can be happy by merely buying the right things. This is simply a lie, but there’s so much

social force behind it that we feel strange if we don’t believe it. It tells us that wealth is the ulti-

mate value in life-- when, in fact wealth is a very relative, conditional thing.” (O’Connor, 53) I

couldn't agree more with him on this conclusion that contemporary society is to blame for con-

tributing to our misery. We must learn to steer away from this, to rid of it and instill new ways

and theories on obtaining happiness. If we want to gain real happiness, we have to learn to block

out consumerism.

In closing, happiness in todays society is diminishing. When observing “The Hours,”

“Requiem For A Dream,” and mainly reading “Happy At Last,” “In My Own Words,” and “Brief

Companions,” along with my two mini interviews with two friends of mine, they all had there

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main points and theories on the topic of happiness. We are not all born with this and some are

naturally happier than others. We can learn how to be happy. Some people choose the wrong

path in life or are influenced by a contemporary society; leaving them to never experience happi-

ness for what it is truly. Western society instills this “rat race” lifestyle in our minds. We are con-

stantly in competition with one another, trying to keep up with the guy who has the nice car.

Some of us miss the point that money can not and can never buy happiness. We are brainwashed

by consumers and advertisements that we can buy our happiness with a nice new car or a nice

pair of $800 shoes. This is far from the truth and this lie is fed to us on a daily basis. We try and

cope with reality in a temporary manner until we go back to our reality. These temporary choices

we make can sometimes be our demise or add to our stress such as the characters in “Requiem

For A Dream.” Happiness comes from within. It is smaller than we think it to be. We fail to miss

the signs of it. It can be something so small like that feeling an individual gets on a hot day when

that breeze swipes across your face or when your favorite song comes on. It’s as simple as that,

but we don’t associate things like that with our happiness. Instead of finding joy in completing

another level in a video game, try and write; writing is better. It is more personal, it’s good for

the soul and mind. One can learn and grow from writing, not from video games. Happiness is a

choice and we are in control.

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Works Cited

Chan, Victor, and Dalai Lama. The Wisdom of Compassion: Stories of Remarkable Encounters and Timeless Insights. New York: Riverhead, 2012. Print.

Cunningham, Michael. The Hours. New York: Picador, 2000. Print.

Lama, Dalai. In My Own Words: An Introduction to My Teachings and Philosophy. Ed. Rajiv Mehrotra. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2008. Print.

O'Connor, Richard. Happy at Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy. New York: St. Martin's, 2008. Print.

Requiem For A Dream. Dir. Darren Aronofsky. Perf. Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Jennifer Con-nelly and Marlon Wayans. Artisan Entertainment, 2000. DVD.

The Hours. Dir. Stephen Daldry. Perf. Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore. Miramax Films, 2002.

Walker, Alice. The World Will Follow Joy: Turning Madness into Flowers (new Poems). New York: New, 2013. Print.