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Nonviolent Communication Lessons 2

Lesson # 1: Purpose of Nonviolent Communication

Marshall Rosenberg describes the purpose of NVC (p. xx; Disc 1, section 2, 2:00-6:30)

1. What is the purpose of Nonviolent Communication?

Purpose is not to get what you want now, but instead to create a relationship in which both people willingly want to ensure that one another’s needs are met at some point.

NVC is based on the values of honesty and empathy. It provides a strategy or tool to live these values in our daily life. It is a method of communication. In order for it to work, it requires confidence and trust in the process—a faith or belief that the process will work. By work I mean that it will produce a result that will eventually allow you to have your needs met. However, I cannot stress enough that the result may not be what you originally thought—the process involves two or more people that interact in ways that are unpredictable. I am reminded of the song, “I ask for what I want, I get what I need.”

Giving from the heart!

Read the stories of giving from the heart and then discuss question #2, then not able to give from the heart and discuss question 3, then allow time for students to journal using PIIM.

2. Think of a time when you were able to give from the heart. How did it feel?

3. Think of a time when you were not able to give from the heart. What prevented you from giving from the heart? Use the 4 column exercise to reveal competing commitments/values/needs that interfered?


Lesson # 2: The Nonviolent Communication Process

Marshall Rosenberg describes the process of NVC (p. xx; Disc 1, section 2, 2:00-6:30)

Handout: How You Can Use the NVC Process

1. What are the two parts of the NVC process?

2. What are the four components of the NVC process?

Practice speaking and listening using this process. Think about a significant event that occurred in the last week. Describe your reaction to that event using the NVC process. Allow each person in the class an opportunity to do this.

3. When I attempt to use the NVC process, how do I feel? (Journal using PIIM)


Lesson # 3: Options after hearing a negative message.

You Tube video of Mean Girls, media presents two options for dealing with a negative message. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoIdfRnQZ4A&list=PLC6E951F8813108CB

Marshall Rosenberg describes the process of NVC (p. xx; Disc 1, section 2, 2:00-6:30)

1. Imagine that you just heard a critical or negative message. What do you normally do? What could you do?

Options for Thinking and Resulting Emotions

Self Others

Right and wrong thinking

(Diagnosis, judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison, denial of responsibility, demands, deserve-oriented language)

Blame self

GuiltShameDepression

Blame others

AngerFrustrationAnnoyanceSelf-pity

Values thinking

ObservationEmotionValues/NeedsRequests

Connect with own feelings and needs

Self-compassionSelf-awarenessLiberated/free

Connect with feelings and needs of others

EmpathyUnderstandingReceptiveHarmonious

Options for actions

Ignore other person

Walk away, stress ball, punching bag, go for a run, exercise, eat, talk with friends, cry, scream, tear things apart, destroy things

Interact with other person

Confront, argue, fight, communicate, dialogue, listen, question, etc.What emotional state are you in when you approach the person?What are you thinking when you approach the person?

Self Others


Blame self

Self-loathing

Blame others

Talk about that person behind their back

Values thinking Connect with own feelings and needs


Self Others


Blame self

Apologize:I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…

Defend self:I was right because…

Blame others

Argue, fight, hit,

You were wrong because…

Coerce, force, punish

Values thinking Connect with own feelings and needs

Explain:When I saw, heard, sensed…I felt…Because I needed…Would you be willing to…


Understand/Empathize:When I saw, heard, sensed…I imagine that you might have felt…Because you might have needed…Is there any way that I could help…

2. When you hear a negative message, what do you usually do? How do you feel about that? (Journal PIIM)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoIdfRnQZ4A&list=PLC6E951F8813108CB


Lesson # 4: Options after hearing a negative message—cycle of socialization or cycle of liberation.

Mezirow (2000) described transformative learning as:

A process by which we transform our taken for granted frames of reference (meaning perspectives, habits of mind, mindsets) to make them more inclusive, discriminating, open, emotionally capable of change, and reflective so that they may generate beliefs and opinions that will prove more true or justified to guide action. (pp. 7-8)

Therefore transformative learning requires the capacity to become aware of our own assumptions and the assumptions that create the culture that nourishes us. This is not easy. Frames of reference hold our values and sense of self and they determine how we judge others and the standards we hold for ourselves. Frames of reference provide us with a sense of stability, coherence, community, and identity; as a result, they are often strongly defended (Mezirow, 2000, p. 18). When experiences, events, or viewpoints do not fit our frames of reference or world-view, they can easily be dismissed as wrong. Changing our frames of reference is generally very emotional charged (Welch, 2013, p. 57).

A person must become aware of his or her perspective before it is possible to engage in critical reflection. This could make critical reflection an ineffective starting point for learning. To encourage personal awareness, Welch (2013) recommended reflective discourse that allows participants to “try on new points of view, explore ambiguity, engage differences, and seek common ground resulting in new frames of reference” (p. 59). Goleman (1995) suggested that emotional intelligence or skills such as active listening, reciprocity, empathy, use of dialogue, and openness can help create the conditions necessary for reflective dialogue.

1. How can we critically examine and change deeply entrenched assumptions and perceptions that we learn in our culture?

2. What are some ways of dealing with conflict that you have learned from our culture?


Lesson # 5: Communication That Blocks Compassion

Rosenberg (2003, p. xx; 2005, Disc 1, section 2, 2:00-6:30)

Watch Mean Girls for example of types of communication that blocks compassion.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAOmTMCtGkI

Hitler’s Schools (Disney Version)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l14WDZCnz-w

Superman’s Methodhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYjQkx7xCDk

Good Guy’s versus Bad Guyshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqVHNzRtnlY

1. List five ways of communicating that prevent us from being compassionate.

Moralistic judgments (belief in a permanent right and wrong)

Making comparisons

Denying responsibility

Deserve (e.g. people deserve to be punished)

Demand (e.g. expectation that you should get what you are asking for)

2. Write down a dialogue (6-8 lines) between two people that isn’t going well. It could be a dialogue between you and another person, something you heard, or something that you are making up. After writing this, determine if the people talking are using forms of life-alienating communication (diagnosis, judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison, denial of responsibility, demands, deserve-oriented language).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqVHNzRtnlY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYjQkx7xCDk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l14WDZCnz-w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAOmTMCtGkI


Lesson # 6: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Moralistic Judgments


1. Is there always a clear and permanent right and wrong behavior? What is the difference between a value judgment and a moralistic judgment?

Marshall Rosenberg does not suggest that we should never judge or analyze, instead he suggested that we evaluate behavior based on the extent to which it is meeting the needs of the people in any given situation.

“Let’s not judge each other right and wrong. Let’s communicate with one another in a way that allows us to continue to enjoy contributing to one another’s well-being.”

Instead of saying, that person is doing things “right” we could say that person is doing things the way that I like or value at this moment.

2. Describe an example of a time when you believe another person unfairly judged you as wrong. How do you feel when other people judge you?


Lesson # 7: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Making Comparisons


Watch Dove Revolution

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O600kDpBNj4&edufilter=ZfvWoTQoe9wnoR5AGPfSjA

1. How might comparing ourselves to others, or comparing ourselves to a certain standard, possibly prevent us from connecting compassionately with ourselves or others?

Marshall Rosenberg does not suggest that we should never make any comparisons; instead he suggested that we evaluate behavior based on the extent to which it is meeting the needs of the people in any given situation.

2. Think of an example of a time when you have compared yourself to other people. Describe the comparison briefly and then answer the question. When I do compare myself to others, how do I feel? How might they feel it they knew you were making this comparison?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O600kDpBNj4&edufilter=ZfvWoTQoe9wnoR5AGPfSjA


Lesson # 8: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Denial of Responsibility


1. What does this quote suggest about being obedient without thinking?

2. What are some ways that we deny responsibility for our actions?

3. Do I frequently deny responsibility for my actions? Think of an example of a time when you have denied responsibility for your actions. Describe the situation and the way that you were able to shift responsibility for your actions onto something or someone else. Now that you are taking responsibility for this action, how do you feel?


Lesson # 9: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Demanding, expecting, and coercing


1. What does Rosenberg suggest is the humbling lesson in power?

2. For each of the methods that we use to change other people (listed below), provide at least one example of something that you have done or said to try and change someone’s behavior that fits the category.

Rewards and punishments

Rules and laws

Guilt and should thinking

Rights and agreements

Information and point of view

Sharing and empowering

3. What are some ways that I reward and punish people in an attempt to force them to do what I want them to do?

4. What are some ways that I attempt to guilt other people into doing what I want them to do?


Lesson # 10: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Punishments and rewards


RSA Animate - Drive: The surprising truth about what motivates us http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&list=PL4611E32F61B257F5

Two things to consider before attempting to change another person’s behavior:

What would we like the other person to do differently? What would we like to be the other person’s motives for change?

Kohn (1999) Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes

Punishment reinforces the idea that violence is the way to get people to do what we want them to do. Rewards are quickly recognized as a method or tool of manipulation or coercion. If there is anything that humans avoid, it is being controlled by another person.

Our basic strategy for raising children, teaching students, and managing workers can be summarized in six words: Do this and you'll get that. We dangle goodies (from candy bars to sales commissions) in front of people in much the same way that we train the family pet.

Kohn (1999) shows that while manipulating people with incentives seems to work in the short run, it is a strategy that ultimately fails and even does lasting harm. Our workplaces and classrooms will continue to decline, he argues, until we begin to question our reliance on a theory of motivation derived from laboratory animals.

Drawing from hundreds of studies, Kohn demonstrates that people actually do inferior work when they are enticed with money, grades, or other incentives. Programs that use rewards to change people's behavior are similarly ineffective over the long run. Promising goodies to children for good behavior can never produce anything more than temporary obedience. In fact, the more we use artificial inducements to motivate people, the more they lose interest in what we're bribing them to do. Rewards turn play into work, and work into drudgery.

Step by step, Kohn marshals research and logic to prove that pay-for-performance plans cannot work; the more an organization relies on incentives, the worse things get. Parents and teachers who care about helping students to learn, meanwhile, should be doing everything possible to help them forget that grades exist. Even praise can become a verbal bribe that gets kids hooked on our approval.

Rewards and punishments are just two sides of the same coin -- and the coin doesn't buy very much. What is needed, Kohn explains, is an alternative to both ways of controlling people.

Song About Punished by Rewardshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1STkvsAiOY8

1. What two questions might we think about before attempting to change another person’s behavior?

2. If motivated by the feelings of shame, guilt, or fear, what might happen after the shame, guilt, or fear is removed?

3. Why might rewards and punishments create a short term change in behavior but long term resistance to change?

4. What feelings, reasons, or motives to change might have a more lasting and sustainable affect?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1STkvsAiOY8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&list=PL4611E32F61B257F5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc


Lesson # 11: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Summary and wrap-up


1. Create a list of sentences that block compassion because they diagnosis, judge, analyze, criticize, compare, deny responsibility, demand, or are written/said in a deserve-oriented language.

2. Rewrite these sentences in a way that communicates honestly that does not diagnosis, judge, analyze, criticize, compare, deny responsibility, demand, or are written/said in a deserve-oriented language


3. Answer and discuss these questions for review.

Review of the purpose and intent of Nonviolent Communication

Often, when people first attempt to use NVC they feel frustrated, perhaps saying, “It didn’t work! I used the language and he didn’t do what I asked.” If this is the case, think about the purpose and intention of NVC. NVC is not another attempt to control people, guilt people, etc. into doing what we want them to do. Neither does NVC suggest that we should deny our own needs either. Instead, it is intended to be used to create the quality of relationship and connection that will allow for open and honest communication so that everyone can have their needs met or values respected. The end result may not be what anyone originally intended.

4. What is the purpose of Nonviolent Communication?


Observations versus Evaluations


Lesson # 12: Observing Without Evaluating


1. What is the first component of Nonviolent Communication?

2. What is the challenge that we face when we use static language to describe events / people that constantly change?

3. How could stating specific time, context, and perspective (point of view) help us to be more clear in our communication?


Lesson # 13: Observing Without Evaluating—Separating the two



1. For 1-7 (above), write down your own example that does not separate observation from evaluation and then rewrite it so that it does.

2. Do the words “always,” “never,” “ever,” “whenever,” etc. express observations or observations mixed with evaluation?

3. Think of an example of a time when you have used the words “always,” “never,” “ever,” “whenever,” as exaggerations. How did the person respond to your statement?


Lesson # 14: Observation or Evaluation—Practice


1. What are some words that other people have labeled you (positive or negative)? Are they always accurate? Rewrite these labels to make them more accurate.

2. How do you feel when you are labeled or judged?

3. Write down three observations about yourself. Write three evaluations about yourself.


Lesson # 15: Communication That Blocks Compassion—Summary and wrap-up


Nonviolent Communication does involve judgment. We judge our behavior to the extent of whether or not it is meeting our own needs and values and the needs and values of others.

Try not to mix observations and judgments together.


Emotional Intelligence


Lesson # 16: Identifying and Expressing Feelings


1. Is it easier for you to think of names to call other people or to identify how you feel? How do you feel about that?

2. How might a comprehensive vocabulary of feelings help us to communicate more easily with others?


Lesson # 17: Feelings Versus Non-Feelings


Since developing my own awareness of NVC, I have noticed that most of the time when I ask someone how they feel, they respond with, “I feel that…” and then go on to tell me what they are thinking, judging, analyzing, determining, concluding, assuming, etc. People very rarely actually say what they are feeling. Why?

“I’ve learned that I enjoy human beings more if I don’t hear what they think.” (Rosenberg, 2003, p. 151)

1. Write a list of words that actually are not feelings but interpretations of how we think others react or behave toward us. Do you find yourself using these words frequently to describe how you feel? For each word on the list, write a different word that is actually a feeling that might be associated with the first word.


Lesson # 18: Understanding emotion


Emotions on YouTube

Emotions are a honing device to help us discover what we need. We have positive feelings when our needs/values are satisfied; we have negative or unpleasant emotions when our needs are not being met or our values are not respected or lived (acted upon).

Mood

Experiencing an emotion for an extended amount of time

Emotion

any agitation or disturbance of mind, feeling, passion; any vehement or excited mental state a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states, and range of propensities to act there are hundreds of emotions, blends, variations, nuances—more than we have words for

Basic emotion Basic oppositeJoy SadnessTrust DisgustFear AngerSurprise AnticipationSadness JoyDisgust TrustAnger FearAnticipation Surprise

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_(emotion)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticipation_(emotion)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_(social_sciences)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgust

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadness

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticipation_(emotion)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_(emotion)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgust

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_(social_sciences)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadness

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness


Lesson # 19: Word lists and Plutchik’s theory of eight primary emotions


Robert Plutchik created a wheel of emotions in 1980 which consisted of 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=List_of_emotions&printable=yes#cite_note-0

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Plutchik


Feelings InventoryThere are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.

Pleasant Feelings:

HAPPYdelighted joyful festive contented complacent satisfied serene comfortable peaceful tranquil ecstatic rapturous elatedtransported enthusiastic inspired glad beatific pleased blissful cheerful genial cheery sunny high-spirited exultantlight-hearted buoyant debonair bright free & easy airy exuberant saucy jaunty lively spiritedvivacious brisk sparkling merry mirthful hilarious exhilarated jovial jolly playful gleeful friskyanimated jubilant

CONFIDENTempoweredopenproudsafesecurefearlessencouraged courageous secure reassured boldbrave daring gallant heroicself-reliantspirited resolute stout hearted enterprising hardydetermined audacious dauntless certain

INTERESTEDconcerned affected fascinatedengrossed intrigued absorbedexcited curious inquisitiveinquiring nosy snoopy

EXHILARATEDblissfulecstaticelatedenthralledexuberantradiantrapturousthrilled

EXCITEDamazedanimatedardentarousedastonisheddazzledeagerenergeticenthusiasticgiddyinvigoratedlivelypassionatesurprisedvibrantkeen earnest intentardent zealous anxiousenthusiastic avid hot-headeddesirous

AFFECTIONATEcompassionatefriendlylovingopen heartedsympathetictenderwarm

ENGAGEDabsorbedalertcuriousengrossedenchantedentrancedfascinatedinterestedintriguedinvolvedspellboundstimulated

PEACEFULcalmclear headedcomfortablecenteredcontentequanimousfulfilledmellowquietrelaxedrelievedsatisfiedserenestilltranquiltrusting

GRATEFULappreciativemovedthankfultouched

JOYFULamuseddelightedgladhappyjubilantpleasedtickled

REFRESHEDenlivenedrejuvenatedrenewedrestedrestoredrevived

INSPIREDamazedawedwonder

HOPEFULexpectantencouragedoptimistic


Feelings when your needs are not satisfied:

SADdepresseddejecteddespairdespondentdisappointeddiscourageddisheartenedforlorngloomyheavy heartedhopelessmelancholyunhappywretchedoppressed downhearted flat dull gloomy cheerless woeful woebegone dreary in the dumpscrestfallen despondent disheartened discouraged low low spirited ill at ease sorrowful downcast dejected unhappydepressed disconsolate melancholy out of sorts heavy-hearted discontented glum moody moping sullensomber sulky joyless spiritless dismal dark clouded frowning mournful dreadful

AFRAIDapprehensivedreadforebodingfrightenedmistrustfulpanickedpetrifiedscaredsuspiciousterrifiedwaryworriedfearful frightened in fear timid chicken nervous diffident fainthearted scared tremulous shaky apprehensive fidgety restful aghast terrified panickedquaking cowardlyhysterical yellow alarmed shocked horrified insecure anxious worried threatened menacedupset misgiving doubtful suspicious hesitant irresolute awed dismayed appalled petrified

DISQUIETagitatedalarmeddiscombobulateddisconcerteddisturbedperturbedrattledrestlessshockedstartledsurprisedtroubledturbulentturmoiluncomfortableuneasyunnervedunsettledupset

YEARNINGenviousjealouslongingnostalgicpiningwistful

DOUBTFULunbelieving skeptical distrustfulsuspicious dubious uncertainquestioning wavering hesitantperplexed indecisive

ANNOYEDaggravateddismayeddisgruntleddispleasedexasperatedfrustratedimpatientirritatedirked

FATIGUEbeatburnt outdepletedexhaustedlethargiclistlesssleepytiredwearyworn out

VULNERABLEfragileguardedhelplessinsecureleeryreservedsensitiveshaky

AVERSIONanimosityappalledcontemptdisgusteddislikehatehorrifiedhostilerepulsed

PAINagonyanguishedbereaveddevastatedgriefheartbrokenhurtlonelymiserableregretfulremorseful

TENSEanxiouscrankydistresseddistraughtedgyfidgetyfrazzledirritablejitterynervousoverwhelmedrestlessstressed out

HURTinjured offended grieved distressed in pain sadsuffering afflicted worried aching crushed patheticvictimized heartbroken hapless in despair agonized tragictortured piteous woeful rueful mournful

DISCONNECTEDalienatedaloofapatheticboredcolddetacheddistantdistractedindifferentnumbremoveduninterestedwithdrawn

ANGRYenragedfuriousincensedindignantiratelividoutragedresentfulresentful annoyed inflamed provoked incensed infuriatedirritated sullen wrought up worked up indignant irateenraged sulky bitter virulent acrimonious boilingfurious in a stew up in arms in a huff turning wrathful

CONFUSEDambivalentbaffledbewildereddazedhesitantlostmystifiedperplexedpuzzledtorn

EMBARRASSEDashamedchagrinedflusteredguiltymortifiedself-conscious

The contents of this page can be downloaded and copied by anyone so long as they credit CNVC as follows:(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: [email protected] Phone: +1.505.244.4041

mailto:[email protected]


Lesson # 20: Building a larger vocabulary of emotions


1. Use Plutchik’s primary emotions to categorize the list of words used to describe emotions into a table. Put the most intense emotions at the top and the least intense emotions at the bottom of the table.

Joy Trust Fear Surprise Sadness Disgust Anger AnticipationMost Intense

Least Intense


Lesson # 21: Describing emotion


Journal or describe feelings using P.I.I.M.

Physical Sensation. o Take time to be aware of the flow of blood and oxygen in the heart, lungs, diaphragm, hands, legs, head,

etc.o Sometimes you can identify a feeling by relating the sensation to a particular part of the body, i.e., gut

feelings felt in the stomach, nausea, butterfly feeling; an ache in the throat with longing; pounding heart with fright.

Intensity.o Rate the intensity of the feeling on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 is strongest intensity.

Imageso Senses (Feeling looks like, smells like, sounds like, tastes like, etc.)o Colors (Feeling kind of blue = sad)o Analogy, simile, metaphor (car, tree, sport, weather, painting, nature, etc.)

Memories of past experienceso Describe the feeling using other experiences when you felt similar - a baseball game, class presentation etc.

"Why" does not describe a feeling. It explains the circumstance that causes the feeling.

"I feel good because..." is not a description, it's an explanation.

"I feel as good as the time I successfully landed a back-flip" is a description.

I THINK vs. I FEEL RULE

If you can substitute "I am" for "I feel", you have expressed a feeling.

If you can substitute "I think" for "I feel", you have expressed a thought or a judgment.

Describing Your Feelings

Category How to rate the feeling Example(s)

Physical reaction Sick, chilled, giggling, etc. "It was like an upset stomach"

Intensity Rate the feeling from 1 to 10 "My feeling is a '10' "

An image Hitting a home run. "I feel gleeful, like a kid who hit his first home run."

Taste Sour, sweet, bitter, etc. "I feel bitter, like a sour lemon"

Touch Scratchy, soft, prickly, etc. "It has a softness like silk"

Color Red, blue, etc. "My anger is red hot"

Sound High pitched, screech, wail of a siren, crack of thunder.

"It was like the singing birds on a spring morning"

Nature scene Beautiful sunset, crashing waves, still forest.

"It has all the colors of a sunset at sea"

Similar past experience

Falling down, riding a bike, etc. "It was like the first time I rode a skateboard."


Lesson # 22: Expressing Feeling—Examples, Wrap-up, and Summary



UNDERSTANDING THE NEEDS/VALUES THAT ARE THE ROOT OF THE

FEELING


Lesson # 23: Taking Responsibility for our Feelings—Identifying Needs and Values



1. Think of an example of a time when you were really upset at someone. What did you need? What did you say to this person in an attempt to have this need met?


Lesson # 24: Expressing Values and Needs: From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation


1.

Are you in the stage of emotional slavery, obnoxiousness, or emotional liberation? Can you recall situations in your own life to illustrate each of the three stages?


Lesson # 25: Taking Responsibility for our Feelings—Four Options


1. In your notebook, write down something negative that someone has said to you and write down four different responses in which you: blame self, blame other, connect with own needs and feelings, and connect with the other person’s needs and feelings.


Lesson # 26: Taking Responsibility for our Feelings—Summary/Wrap-up



Lesson # 27: Taking Responsibility for our Feelings—Acknowledging Needs



Lesson # 28: Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life



1. Create a list of ten vague requests (perhaps don’ts or generalities) and then rewrite them to make them clear action requests.

Examples:

Be more respectful! = Please put away your phone and look at me when I am talking.

Don’t tell me what to do! = Please do not give me advice but listen to what I am saying and let me know that you understand by empathically repeating back the gist of what I am saying.


Lesson # 29: Requesting Honest Feedback


1. Have you ever told somebody something that was really important to you and they did not respond? How would you have liked them to respond?

2. Do you often expect people to know what you want them to do and expect them to do it without you communicating this?


Lesson # 30: Requests versus Demands


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZSzGpjI09o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZSzGpjI09o




1.

Have you ever heard a request as a demand?2. Have you ever made a request that was heard as a

demand?


1. Think of a request that you would really like to make of someone and write out each component of NVC: observe, feel, need, request, in order to make a full request.


Lesson # 33: Requests Versus Demands: Summary and Wrap-up



1. Write out ten examples of requests that are not clear and then rewrite them so that the request includes a clear, action language.


Lesson # 34: Requests Versus Demands: Additional Practice



Lesson # 35: Requests Versus Demands—Additional Practice


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