VOL. 03

ISSUE 18

04.05.2011

NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

THE

THE FOOD ISSUE

WE EXPLORE VANCOUVER’S BEST CUISINE AND GIVE YOU LESSONS ON HOW TO DIY AT HOME.

BEST EATS

EDITORIAL The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page two | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society.

Vol. 3, Issue no. 18April, 05 2011ISSN# 1916-8241

Arbutus 3710/372012666 76 Ave.Surrey, B.C. V3W 2M8www.runnerrag.ca778-565-3801

EDITORIAL DIVISION:

Co-ordinating Editor (interim)Jeff Groateditor@runnerrag.ca778-565-3803

Culture EditorKristi Alexandraculture@runnerrag.ca778-565-3804

News Editors (interim) Matt DiMeraKyle Benningnews@runnerrag.ca778-565-3805

Production Editor Cat Yelizarovproduction@runnerrag.ca778-565-3806

Media Editor Matt Lawmedia@runnerrag.ca778-565-3806

BUREAU CHIEFS:

Campus News / Vacant

Creative Arts / Chris Yee

Environmental / Catherine Thompson

Graphics / Antonio Su

Health & Lifestyle / (Vacant)

Political Affairs / Paul Li

Sports / (Vacant)

CONTRIBUTORS:

Josh Saggau, Lucas Meneses-Skoda, Kimiya Shokoohi, Jared Vaillancourt, Mike Shames, Simon Massey, Roberto Mena, Katrina Pederson, Kari Michaels, Mae Velasco, Matthew Bossons, Brendan Tyndall

Cover Art: Kari Gfrerer

BUSINESS DIVISION:

Operations Manager, Ads, Classifi eds DJ Lamops@runnerrag.ca778-688-3797

Offi ce Co-ordinator Victoria Almondoffi ce@runnerrag.ca778-565-3802

Operations AssistantBrittany Tiplady

ICATHARINE THOMPSONENVIRONMENTAL BUREAU CHIEF

I don’t eat meat. No succulent salmon, steaks, veal, ostrich or baby seal for me. It’s not because animals are so irresist-ibly cute (which they are), it’s because eating meat is one of many ways I can reduce my en-vironmental footprint. How so? Consider this, according to John Robbin’s Food Revolution you save more water by not eating a pound of beef than you do by not showering for an entire year. I’ll take the showers over meat any day. Animal agriculture, like most agriculture, demands a lot of water, an often quoted figure is that a totally vegetar-ian diet requires only 1,100 litres of water per day; a meat-eating diet requires more than 15,000 litres of water per day. How much is 15,000 litres? Well, the average car can hold about 50-60 litres of gas so 15,000 litres of

gas would fill up your car 250 times. Animal agriculture also is a land hog; one study found that meat protein production requires 10 per cent more land than plant-protein produc-tion. Not to mention grain is needed to feed said animals, the soil erosion caused by animal agriculture and the unappe-tizing manure that seeps into water systems. I’m not saying you need to immediately join us vegetarians and say sayonara to your beloved burgers. But as a society we need to get smart about our diets and if not adopt a vegetarian diet, than settle for a vegetarian mindset. If you’re looking to lower your impact, look to your diet. Eat less meat, eat sustainable meat and try to make it local. There are several organic meat suppliers around the Lower Mainland. If all else fails, just join the dark side already and become a veg-head, we have lentils.

IJARED VAILLANCOURTCONTRIBUTOR

I've got nothing against vegetar-ians; they're regular people who just so happen to take exception to what goes into their diet. They aren't the ones I'm arguing against.

What I do have an issue with is the idea of vegetarianism it-self. Humans are omnivorous by nature, and have evolved over the eons to need to be omnivo-rous in order to stay healthy and strong. Meat contains numerous proteins that plant tissue simply can't compete with. Sure, you could buy protein tablets or powder to put into your meat-less dishes, but it's not going to give your body the same nutri-ents and amino acids as a plate of chicken.

What I'm saying is this: if you're a vegetarian or a militant

vegan and happy about it, then fine, but if you're one of those teetering on the edge of vege-tarianism then don't fall off into the green abyss. There's nothing unethical about killing animals for food (and just so we're clear, humans aren't animals) just as there's nothing unethical about killing plants for food (yes, plants are alive, too). Also, meaty foods taste delicious and can give even the most palette-pleasing veggie dish a real run for its money.

But ultimately the choice is up to you. What you choose to put into your body is something you as a university student have complete and total autonomy over. If you do choose to become a vegetarian out of respect for the animals, then I can respect you; but if you do see the ben-efits of a meat-friendly diet, then all the more power to you.

IJEFF GROATCOORDINATING EDITOR

The gloves are off and the rhetoric is in high gear as Canada’s 41st gen-eral election kicked off last week. But compared to the high energy of the campaign trail, the prospect of another six-week-long election cycle has voters looking a little under-the-weather.

Already, Prime Minister Harper has been pounding away on the threat a coalition led by Liberal leader Mi-chael Ignatieff and including Quebec separatists poses to Canada’s future. Harps also challenged Iggy to a one-on-one debate between the PM and “the leader of the coalition.” Iggy said sure thing and Harper had second-thoughts, saying he’s too busy cam-paigning to campaign. Never mind the fact that journalists aren’t allowed to ask Harper about his own previous flirtations with a Bloc-inclusive coali-

tion in 2004.First: Harper. His government has

effectively been found in contempt of parliament over not fully disclosing the true cost of the F-35 fighter jet program as well as the decision to build more jails and imprison more Canadians. He takes credit for economic oversights that he opposed when he was leader of the opposition. He pretends to be the champion of small-government, low-spending while dropping a billion dollars on security at the G8/G20 con-ferences, building more prisons while crime rates drop as fast as his corpo-rate tax rates. He creates American-style attack ads that trivialize Canada’s political system and belittle voters who don’t fully believe in his Harperisms. His micro-managerial style means that any opposition within his own cabinet is silenced and gagged as much as the journalists who have had their ability to report on cabinet taken away.

Ignatieff is no saint either. He left Canada to take a job as an American academic, he supported the inva-sion of Iraq and he only came back to Canada as a blatant opportunist seeking the country’s highest govern-ment seat. Don’t forget that he also referred to America as “my country,” and he wouldn’t hesitate to bastardize democracy in this country and form a coalition with the Bloc separatists.

Wait a second. Harper sings a Bea-tles song which references smoking pot and we all chuckle a little and believe that he would never, ever. Somehow, we have all fallen under the spell of the Harper media-machine which has made a science of hijacking reasonable, logical political discourse for partisan gain. As much as the turnout sags on election day, Harper can pursue his agenda as people no longer care to pay attention. Bust out the clothes-pins, it’s going to be a messy, stinky election.

The mudslinging begins in earnest: #elxn41

COURTESY MICHAEL IGNATIEFF FLICKR COURTESY GREENCOLANDER FLICKR

FEDERAL ELECTION

VEGETARIANISM

Vegetarianism

YAY NAY

NEWS & SPORTS vol. 3 issue 18 | April 05 2011 | page threewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

STUDENT POLITICS

IMATT DIMERANEWS EDITOR

The official results of the student Kwantlen Board of Governor (BOG) elections are still unknown this week, as one unnamed candidate is alleged to have broken the rules while campaigning.

In the March 2011 online election for two student BOG representatives, Robert Mum-ford and Keri Van Gerven received the highest amount of votes, with 102 and 98 respec-tively.

Appeal committee to decide if candidate should be disqualified, or if there should be a new election.

KSA revenues rise by $670,000FINANCES

Allegations delay board of governor election results

Name Total Votes E = elected Christopher Girodat Ken McIntyre Kari Michaels Robert Mumford Nikki Pearce Derek Robertson Sarah Szendrei

Name Total Votes E = elected Christopher Girodat Kassandra Linklater Robert Mena Robert Mumford Nikki Pearce Derek Robertson Jordon Tomblin Keri Van Gerven

Student senate election winners Christopher Girodat, Kari Michaels and Sarah Szendrei bask in their victory. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER

INCREASES IN 2010 SPENDING

Conferences and travel up more than 300 % to $29,119.

Elected officials wages up to $192,066

Staff wages and benefits up 16 % to $714,981.

OTHER 2010 HIGHLIGHTS∏ Legal fees and lawyers $141,598∏ More spent on bursaries∏ KSA owed $15,609 in bad debts by Golds Gym∏ Grassroots cafe lost $15,947

IMATT DIMERANEWS EDITOR

The KSA took in more money in 2010 than ever before, mostly through student fees, according to their recently-released finan-cial audit.

The KSA’s revenues increased by 19 per cent from $2.92 mil-lion to $3.59 million last year. Gary Wozny, the KSA’s auditor, presented the 2010 audit at the KSA’s annual general meeting, on Wednesday, March 30.

The total cost of staff wages and benefits rose to $714,981 from $602,258 in 2009. Wages and stipends for elected officials were up to $192,066. Wozny noted that the KSA’s legal fees were substantial and came in at $141,598.

IKYLE BENNINGNEWS EDITOR

EAGLES NAME NEW WOMEN’S COACH

Kwantlen Polytechnic Univer-sity’s Athletic Department has named Dan Nayebzadeh as the new head coach of the women’s basketball team taking over for rookie coach Matthew McKay.

Nayebzadeh is a certified NCCP Level 3 coach , and has had coaching stints with Sutherland Secondary School, BC Titans, U-16 Provincial team for BC Elite and was the assis-tant coach for the Simon Fraser University Clan.

“I am honoured to have been given this opportunity at such

a remarkable institution that cares so deeply for student suc-cess both on and off the court,” Nayebzadeh said.

The team will hold an identification camp on April 17 at 2 p.m at Kwantlen’s Surrey campus for all female athletes Grade 11 and older.

ASSISTANT COACH POSITION OPEN

The Kwantlen Eagles men’s bas-ketball team is currently looking for an assistant coach.

The previous assistant coach was Mike McKay, but it looks like the Eagles are looking at changing their entire basketball coaching staff The expected start date is April 25.

$29,199

$714,981

$192,066

The rules around campaign-ing in BOG elections are not very detailed, only saying that candidates must engage in “fair play.”

In a message posted on myKwantlen, Registrar Robert Hensley said his preliminary investigation has found enough evidence to merit forming an official appeal committee to review the election results.

Hensley said the committee will be created as soon as pos-sible and will consist of himself, a Dean, a faculty member, and a student.

The committee will decide if the results should stand, or if the student in question should be disqualified, or if the election should be scrapped and started again.

SENATE RESULTS

Three new faces and one old one were elected as the student representatives to Kwantlen’s senate, Tuesday, March 22.

Kari Michaels, Christopher Girodat, Sarah Szendrei and Robert Mumford garnered the most votes. From 2008-2010,

Mumford was previously an elected student member of the BOG.

Incumbents Derek Robert-son and Ken McIntyre did not win re-election, coming in sixth and seventh in a field of seven candidates.

Robertson, a three-term student senator and two-time former KSA director of external affairs had been on Senate and its predecessor, the Education Council since 2007.

Newly-elected senator Kari Michaels is excited to take office in the Fall and attributes the

results to a lack of engagement from the incumbents.

“For one, I didn’t see any campaign material from any of the incumbents,” said Michaels. “I don’t think that [they] talked to students very much when they were on senate.”

While senate terms are normally scheduled to begin as of September 1, Sarah Szendrei and Christopher Girodat will take office immediately to fill two vacancies. Michaels, Giro-dat, Szendrei and Mumford will serve as senators until August 2012.

114 36 125 79 62 5981

648244 102 74 51 2398

E*

E*

E

EE

E

OFFICIAL RESULTS OF STUDENT ELECTION TO SENATE UNOFFICIAL RESULTS OF STUDENT ELECTION TO BOARD OF GOVERNORS

BRIEFS

SPORTS The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page four | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18

BADMINTON

Kwantlen badminton duo makes historyI KIMIYA SHOKOOHI

It's one thing to win a national title. It's another to do it with one leg.

Ashley Jang, 19, and Jensen Ly, 21, did just that in Sackville, N.B. March 5.

The mixed doubles badminton duo fought through a popped knee cap to win Kwantlen Polytechnic Univer-sity's fi rst national banner.

They secured a spot in the univer-sity's history, while simultaneously strengthening their partnership.

"A lot more trust is built because of this," Jang said. "You just have a better connection after going through something like this."

This was the struggle to continue fi ghting through provincials after Jang cracked her knee.

The injury was a re-surfacing prob-lem, which fi rst emerged four years ago. Ever since, she said, it has been taking a hit. From agitations during practices and games, to a blow from a car accident.

"My [medial collateral ligament] is really stretched out and my knee pops out of place every time," Jang said, "I have to pop it back into place."

This round of trouble came during an early provincial game. Jang went for a hit. She felt her knee fall loose mid-air. She landed. Her foot planted. Her knee cracked.

"Before provincials, I was always

hoping 'don't get injured, don't get in-jured,'" she said. "When I went down, I thought 'oh crap, not again.'"

This time, it wasn't as simple as popping her knee back into place. She needed physiotherapy and special care – she needed rest and recovery time.

She, and Ly, decided against the latter. There was no time for rest. They were in the heat of provincials, with fi nal qualifi ers approaching.

"Everyone told me to not play," Jang said.

She and Ly "didn't really say any-thing to each other."

"We both sort of knew what each other was thinking," she said. "We knew what we wanted."

The duo had competed in doubles badminton last season, but with differ-ent partners. Both ended their seasons with their goals unmet.

Both set the same goal for next sea-son: to put everything they had into their next shot at national gold – no matter what.

"All I could really think about was how I could overcome this," Ly said of the challenge of winning games, despite the injury of his partner.

"I was willing to put a lot effort into it. I was willing to do everything."

The next fi ve provincials games were on Ly.

As the rules of doubles badminton goes, as long as the both players are

on the court, it's fair game.Jang would serve, Ly would play."In provincials, we were essentially

playing one-on-two," Jang said. " I was just standing in the corner, I would see him run around everywhere."

"I really wanted to help."Off the court, Jang helped by exer-

cising all avenues of recovery – Chi-nese healer included.

The Chinese healer was crucial to her recovery, Jang said. Especially seeing as the doctor used to work for China's national badminton team.

"She's a really small woman but she has a lot of power," Jang said of her doctor who relaxed her muscles by applying heavy force on a pressure point.

"She makes everybody cry, even the biggest guys."

Back on court, Ly said Jang was helping a lot more than she may have thought. She was helping Ly mentally.

"Having seen her will alone, was pretty motivating." Ly said. "To see her will to play though she could hardly walk."

"It made me think, 'if she could do it with one leg, it shouldn't be a prob-lem for me with two.'"

Ly and Jang fought through provin-cials, fi nishing second. They broke into nationals. Ashley's leg was better and they were more determined than ever.

They beat the national favourites

from Northern Alberta Institute of Technology in the fi nal round robin match. They entered the fi nal against NAIT, again, as their opponents.

"Jensen and I walked on the court really confi dent, knowing that we were going to take them down," Jang said. "We were both really in the zone."

The duo started strong against their opponents weakened by the previous loss. The duo stayed strong.

The birdie was on their side for the win after the opposing team made a hit that had Ly accidental rebound with a physical shot to the opponent. From there, NAIT's execution shots deteriorated.

"It was actually at that point when their mentality really started breaking down," Ly said. "We took advantage."

Jang and Ly won the game. They won in straight sets; the last by a nine-point margin.

"When we won, Jensen and I didn't say anything to each other," Jang said. "We looked at each other and shook hands."

"Some things we just don't need to say," Ly said. "We both knew what was going through each other's mind."

Years worth of practice. A year of preparation. A signifi cant injury to overcome. A goal fi nally met.

"We felt really, I don't know what the right word is, we just felt really," Jang paused,"– happy."

BASKETBALL

ILUCAS MENESES-SKODACONTRIBUTOR

If you were to ask newly-named coach Stefon Wilson what the number one key to success is going to have to be on the basketball court for the men’s team, he would answer with one word: defense.

If you were to ask him what his favourite word is, I bet you’d get the same answer.

The American born coach is bringing a new mentality to the Eagles nest, and it goes something along the lines of stressing defense as much as Allen Iverson was “talkin' about practice.”

“I really do believe in ‘defense wins games’ and it wins championships,” said Wilson. “And that’s how you’re going to get playing time at Kwantlen University while Coach Wilson’s there. That’s playing defense. We want to be known as a defensive team.”

The hiring of Wilson came around six weeks after longtime coach Bernie Love announced his resignation.

Although Wilson has only briefl y met with his players on various separate occasions, the Detroit native is already stepping into the offi ce with a precise idea of how he wants his boys to be competing come the start of November when the regular season begins.

“I know a lot of the guys probably think, you know, ‘Let me show Coach Wilson that I can really score’ and that’s fi ne, but my number one priority is to stop the other team from scor-ing.”

Wilson joins the Eagles organization after holding an assistant coaching position with the SFU Clan last year when they competed in their fi rst season in the NCAA Division II league, and understands what it takes to compete night in and night out at a high level of basketball.

“I really do believe that you have to use that 24-second shot clock to your advantage,” he

said, “and you really have to pressure the ball and make teams make quick, bad decisions.”

The young head coach, who was also once a player at Algoma University in Ontario and was named team captain in the 2005-06 and 2006-07 seasons, is a big believer that establish-ing the defensive game paves the path to a strong, well-rounded performance.

“You can’t predict on how you are going to play on the offensive end, but one thing you can bring every night is the effort to the defen-sive end,” said Wilson. “I mean, if you play defense its going to open up for easy shots on the other end and easy transition baskets.”

Another key point that Wilson has identi-fi ed on his list of priorities is the importance to be able to go out and fi nd new guys that are suitable to the type of squad he is trying to assemble. According to Wilson, it’s the “athletic speed guys that can really create problems for the other team” that he’s looking to stack his roster with.

“To be successful at the collegiate level, you have to be able to recruit,” he added. “First thing I’m going to do is see if the current play-ers here fi t my type of system, and see what I can go out and recruit, and bring in here to Kwantlen.”

It’s been quite a while since the Eagles have been able to scrape together a winning season and really pose a threat in the BCCAA pack, but the new coach has already closed that door.

“I know we were only 1-17 last year,” he said, “but I think that if we can turn this into a year-round program and we can put in the time in the off-season, I really do think we can have a really good improvement and try to compete for the conference title.”

As for all the Eagles fans that will (hope-fully) be in the stands come next season, start getting really good at chanting “DE-FENCE”, because we now know Coach Wilson will be on the sidelines yelling the exact same thing.

American coach calling defence a priority

Coach Stefon Wilson wants to turn the men's basketball team's fortune around by playing tough defence. Wilson was an assistant coach for the SFU Clan last season. JEFF GROAT/THE RUNNER

SPORTS vol. 3 issue 18 | April 05 2011 | page fi vewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

© 2011 H&R Block Canada, Inc. *$29.95 valid for regular student tax preparation only. Cash back service included. To qualify for student pricing, student must present either (i) a T2202a documenting 4 or more months of full-time attendance at a college or university during 2010 or (ii) a valid high school identification card. Expires December 31, 2011. Valid only at participating H&R Block locations in Canada. SPC Card offers valid from 08/01/10 to 07/31/11 at participating locations in Canada only. For Cardholder only. Offers may vary, restrictions may apply. Usage may be restricted when used in conjunction with any other offer or retailer loyalty card discounts. Cannot be used towards the purchase of gift cards or certificates. **If H&R Block makes any error in the preparation of your tax return that costs you any interest or penalties on additional taxes due, although we do not assume the liability for the additional taxes, we will reimburse you for the interest and penalties.

$2995

$tudent pricing

For just $29.95, walk in with your taxes, walk out with your refund. Instantly. You’ll also get a free SPC Card to save big at your favourite retailers.*

hrblock.caFollow us on Twitter and Facebook

we make taxes easy maximum refund**

free SPC Card

IJOSH SAGGAUCONTRIBUTOR

The KSA hosted their second an-nual March Madness basketball tournament on Friday, March 25, and organizers were very happy with the results.

“We were very pleased with the turn out,” said John Stewart, recreation events coordinator. “We actually had some fans, which was amazing too.”

With a $20 per team buy in, and all money going to the Right To Play charity, the event had 11 teams split between two divisions.

“We could have had two other teams that came the day of and wanted to sign up, but we just didn’t have enough gym space and time to accommodate them.”

In the advanced division, it was the Randy Nohr 2Steppers taking home the championship over the Fantastic 4, while in the intermediate division, the Slaughterhouse took down The Sikh Three for the fi rst place fi nish.

Stewart said the competi-tion was stiff, and the success is encouraging to organizers

“Last year was the fi rst year of this tournament, but it was under a different name. We changed it to try to go with the March Madness theme. We had 7 teams last year so we had some growth this year to 11 teams and it’s something we plan on running every year from here on out.”

The tournament raised $220 for the charity.

Banquet didn’t fully recognize national championsATHLETIC AWARDS

BASKETBALL

IJOSH SAGGAUCONTRIBUTOR

The 2010-’11 athletics season had ups and downs for the Kwantlen Eagles.

On March 28, Kwantlen honoured the successes and quietly swept the disgraces under the rug at the Athletics Awards Banquet.

The night began with some slide-shows from the season before dinner got under way, and after dinner there were some kind words from keynote speaker Peter Fewing, former men’s soccer head coach at Seattle University.

Fewing spoke adamantly about representing the school proudly and never giving up, but his words fell on deaf ears.

After all, only the women’s soccer team and the badminton teams had any

kind of success this season.When the awards fi nally were

presented, they were fi lled with cheesy jokes from the hosts and everyone laughed when they were supposed to, but no one thought they were funny.

The winners looked like they didn’t want to be there, except for the wom-en’s soccer team who took home the majority of the awards handed out.

Third-year defender Brittany Mc-Neill from North Delta was the undis-puted queen of the awards ceremonies.

McNeill was selected to the BCCAA fi rst all-star team for her outstanding performance this year, along with mid-fi elder Shanay Sangha and goalkeeper Melina Gomez.

McNeill also received the BCCAA Academic Excellence Award, the Presi-dent’s Award of Distinction and the

SIRC Academic All Canadian Award.“I’m obviously really excited about

it. I wasn’t expecting it but it’s re-ally nice to be nominated for all these awards,” said McNeill.

While McNeill made her repeated trips to the stage, the men’s basketball team sat front and centre.

No one made any mention that the men’s basketball team, men’s soccer team and women’s basketball team combined for just two wins all year.

The ceremony also seemed to take very little interest in the national cham-pionship won by Jensen Ly and Ashley Jang in badminton mixed doubles.

Badminton might not get the same respect as soccer or basketball, but the national championship was the fi rst for Kwantlen in its history and deserved more recognition.

KSA hosts basketball intramural, raises $220 for charity

The Eagles held their athletic banquet, but failed to really recognize the accomplishments of the mixed doubles badminton team.

JOSH SAGGAU/THE RUNNER

CULTURE The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page six | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18

RESTAURANT REVIEW

I KIMIYA SHOKOOHI

4/5 FORKS RATING

It’s not much of a secret–Per-sian people like their kababs.

Also not a secret: North Vancouver is British Colum-bia’s Persian cuisine capital. Sprinkled amongst the big boys – the McDonalds, the Wendys, the Subways – are the self-start-er Persian community restau-rants calling the mountain-cozy suburb home.

A fairly new addition to the North Van restaurant scene is an unobtrusive and almost shy eatery serving up dishes that has North Van buzzing about this new-guy-on-block’s quiet confidence.

Situated right on the curve of Lonsdale Avenue, around the corner from a that’s-so-last-year Nando’s, resides the appropriately titled Lonsdale Kabab Persian Restaurant.

Its name, whether appro-

priate or perhaps predictable, hints the place you’re about to walk into is going to be all about its kababs. If that doesn’t tip you off, the menu will.

From lamb kabab, filet kabab, chicken kabab, to kabab favourite ground beef kabab – which locals call ‘koobideh’. kababs adorn the majority, if not all, of the menu. The restau-rants website even claims “the kabab is king.”

Whatever your selection, the restaurant arouses restauran-teurs appetites with a compli-mentary home-made split-pea soup.

During the approximately 15-minute wait time, the small, square-shaped restaurant warms eaters with its roasted red walls. It entertains them with large mirrors bearing im-ages of ancient Persian lions, figures and temples.

Then comes the good part. Kabab. In this particular instance, the Soltani kabab. The large plate is delivered with two ‘babs with its skew-ers removed – one chicken, one ground beef. These plate show-stealers buddy-up with caspian rice, flavoured with sweet saffron.

One bite into the ground

beef. One bite into the chicken. The eyes roll, and the glutinous groan makes its statement: yum. The grilled kababs melts in your mouth. Its spices mix with a buttery decadence that dances a ballroom waltz with your taste-buds.

This place has got this kabab thing down. The line out the door proves it. The reasonably priced plates improve it.

In part, what makes Lons-dale Kabab king is also what makes it jester. The humble-ef-fect of its small space creates a certain-kind of unnerving ten-sion. The tables are too close, giving a somewhat awkward feng shui to the restaurant.

However, the food speaks for itself. And with a voice this loud, a relocation or expansion may be considered by its own-ers soon enough. Kingsway Kabab would be a much more appropriate title, anyway.

Lonsdale Kabab is the North Vancouver Persian restaurant that has locals falling for the underdog. It’s true to its roots, and it doesn’t cut corners. Its confidence lies in its food. Its secret, in its culture.

Lonsdale Kabab is making clear the reason as to why it is Persians like their kababs.

IMATTHEW BOSSONSCONTRIBUTOR

3.5/5 FORKS

Situated on the corner of Granville and Robson, The Lennox Pub is located in

heart of downtown Vancouver. Clearly modelled after your

stereotypical Irish pub, and serving your stereotypical pub food, there is a distinct Celtic feel to this establishment.

The food is priced reasonably for downtown, and the Lennox offers a wide range of drink op-tions for the thirsty patron.

Service is prompt, and seating is clearly not an issue, despite looking small from the outside the pub has 3 floors and an outdoor patio.

Food options range from classics like french onion soup, beer-batter fish and chips, burg-ers and roast beef dip to numer-ous pasta and seafood dishes.

There is also a breakfast section on the menu offering a variety of breakfast dishes and specials.

Service is prompt and profes-sional, and judging by the num-ber of happily eating custom-ers – they are doing something right.

I had the BBQ Burger, which is served open faced with applewood smoked cheddar, lettuce, red onions, a pickle and a tomato on a toasted bun.

The burger also came with your choice of fries, soup or a garden salad. I chose the creamy tomato vegetable soup, which was almost as delicious as the burger and a nice change from french fries.

The Lennox is a good place to grab a bite to eat – no argument there, and its comprehensive drink menu has something for even the most adventurous booze hound; although the lack of a debit card machine is defi-antly an annoyance.

For two pints of domestic beer, and the BBQ burger and soup my bill came to $30, both my companions had similar to-tals, although they ate different items on the menu.

Fair priced fare at the Lennox Pub?

Chocolate making class like arts & crafts for adults

IMAE VELASCOCONTRIBUTOR

Have you ever wanted to try and make chocolate? Look no further than Co-

coaNymph Chocolates and Con-fections at 3739 W. 10th Avenue (at Alma) Vancouver. Not only will you experience a chocolate class, but a tasting of chocolates from all over the world. Truly delicious, I tell you.

I had so much fun making my chocolate from a regular squared piece to all shapes and sizes. I even dipped my choco-late in hot chocolate sauce and then froze it in the fridge.

There were toppings like hazelnuts and a topping with a different colour that I can’t even remember its name.

The topping designs were pretty cool, too. I didn’t know how creative I could be with chocolate. The guy across from me even made Pac-Man with this chocolate. I felt like I was in kindergarten all over again. I was playing around with shapes and deciding what would look good with my chocolate.

Definitely a creative class I must say. If you want to make the biggest piece ever, by all means go ahead. If you want to make small pieces and save them for weeks, go for it. My hands were dirty with rich, creamy chocolate that I was so tempted to lick my hands. After all the hard work, you receive a box to put in with your choco-late and tissue paper.

Amazing chocolate. I was eating this after and wow! I did a pretty good job. This was an awesome, yummy truffle chocolate.

PUBCHOCOLATE

Kababfi t for

a king

MAE VELASCO/THE RUNNER

KIMIYA SHOKOOHI/THE RUNNER

CULTURE vol. 3 issue 18 | April 05 2011 | page sevenwww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

RECIPES

Artichoke and Roasted Red Pepper Filled Chicken.

• 3 tbsp Extra

Virgin Olive Oil

• 1/2 cup Red Onion

• 3/4 cup Quartered Marinated Artichoke Hearts

• 1/2 cup Roasted Red Peppers

• 1/2 tsp Pepper, Black

• 1/4 cup Parmesan Grated Cheese or Swiss

• 32 oz Fresh Chicken Breast

Will serve approximately 4 people and will take 20 m

inutes to cook.

Preheat oven to 375°F.

Mix artichokes, cheese, red peppers, and seasoning in medium bowl.

Using a knife and working with 1 chicken breast at a time, cut 2-inch-long

slit horizontally into 1 side of chicken breast. Sp

rinkle chicken with salt

and pepper. Heat oil in heavy large ovenproof skillet over high heat. Add

chicken; cook 3-5 minutes.Turn chicken over; transfer skillet to oven.

Bake until cooked through, about 12-15 minutes.

Vampire Friendly “Hummus”

Disclaimer: I happen to have a pretty bad allergy to garlic and that means

I’m left out at all the cool hummus parties. I had given up all hope that

I would ever be able to enjoy a chickpea based dip again until the day I

tried this dip at a party and was blown away. This recipe is simple and you

can add as much or as little spice as you want.

• 1 Can of Chickpeas (with water)

• 1/4 Cup Basil

• 1-2 Tbsp Lemon Juice

• 1-2 Tbsp of Hot Sauce

• 2-3 Tbsp of Soy Sau

ce

• Salt and Pepper to taste

Blend chickpeas with the water from the can (add up to an extra 1/2 can

of

tap water for consistency) into a pastey dip. Pour into a medium sized bowl

and stir in seasonings. Add more of any ingredient to taste

. Refrigerate for

later or serve immediately. Pairs well with tortilla c

hips or pita bread.

wl

The West’s Best Banana Bread.

• 1 and 1/2 Cups Sugar• 3 Eggs• 3/4 Cup Oil • 2 Cups Flour • 2 Tsp Baking Soda• 1/2 Tsp Salt• 1 Tsp. Cinnamon• 1 Tsp. Allspice• 2 Cups Mashed Bananas

Set oven at 350°F. Grease and flour a bundt pan or two 8”x4”x3” loaf pans. Beat sugar and eggs until creamy. Mix in oil. Sift flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and allspice. Add to creamed mixture. Mix in bananas (& chocolate chips optional). Pour into bundt pan and bake for 1 hour or until done. Turn out of pan when cool. So moist, you won’t need butter.

Strawberries with Basil and Black Pepper.

• 1 Carton of Strawberries• Fresh Basil• Ground Black Pepper • Balsamic Vinegar• White Sugar

Start by removing the tops of about 10-20 strawberries, depending on how much you want to eat. Slice them as thin as you can, about the thickness of a toonie – a sharp knife helps. Chiffonade the basil. A chiffonade results in long, thin strips and is useful to cut leafy herbs that might turn to mush if you tried to slice them flat. To do it, stack a bunch of leaves on top of each other and roll them up like a cigar as tight as you can, then slice them on an angle. Toss in a bowl with the berries. Pour a few dashes of balsamic vinegar on the berries – you just need enough to cover them, so not much more than a tablespoon or two. Add about a tablespoon of fresh ground pepper. The peppery heat works very well with the sweetness of the berries and the basil, and the tartness of the vinegar. Finally, sprinkle a touch of sugar on.

FLIK

R CR

EATIV

E CO

MM

ONS

ILUCAS MENESES-SKODACONTRIBUTOR

IJEFF GROATCOORDINATING EDITORIKATRINA PEDERSON

CONTRIBUTOR

IKARI MICHAELS

CONTRIBUTOR

COUR

TESY

OF

MEL

ISSA

FRA

SER

FLIK

R CR

EATI

VE C

OMM

ONS

KARI MICHAELS/THE RUNNER

Indonesian Gado Gado• 1 White Cabbage, diced

• Fresh Green Beans• Bean Sprouts• Carrots, Shredded

• 2 Eggs, hardboiled• Indonesian Peanut Sauce (buy at T&T market or make your own)

• 2-4 Tomatoes, chopped

• Firm, Plain Tofu (but not Extra-Firm)

• Prawn Crackers (optional)Lightly boil or steam vegetables seperate. Drain and arrange in layers in

a semi-deep dish or shallow salad bowl. Decorate with sliced, boiled eggs

and tomatoes on top layer. Leave this to cool while you pan-fry the firm

tofu. Season to taste with paprika and a dash of sambal. Add tofu to the

cooled salad and drizzle with warmed peanut sauce (as much or as little

as you like). You can optionally sprinkle crushed prawn crackers over the

salad for a crunchy texture. The salad is best served cooled, and is great

for leftovers as the full flavours will come out as it sits.

I KRISTI ALEXANDRACULTURE EDITOR

FLIKR CREATIVE COMMONS

CULTURE The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page eight | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18

ILLIAM EASTERBROOKCONTRIBUTOR

1969 saw the Doors thigh-deep in the mire of an obscenity trial. Jim Mor-

rison, the iconic, enigmatic, and Dionysian front man of the legendary quartet, allegedly whipped out his cock at a show in Miami, and then pretended to fellate guitarist Robbie Krieger during a guitar solo. A riot broke out in the stadium, people danced, people got naked, people got high—really, really high—there was a sheep on the stage at one point, and when the concert ended abruptly every-body went home, some with bitter and distraught tastes in their mouths. Some months later Morrison was surprised with a lawsuit against his so-called indecent behavior that night, and a subsequent trial regarding the obscenity of his actions was to begin in the coming months. Already notorious for his avant-garde and taboo live acts, not to mention his clear disdain for au-thority of any kind, Morrison’s alleged antics that night changed the face of the Doors from a rebellious rock/blues band to a full-fledged public enemy and scapegoat for the conservative powers-that-be against the rising counter-culture.

Released the following year (1970), Morrison Hotel is very much a back-to-basics Doors album. It is Morrison’s album. Although the song credits all

go to the Doors, the thematic concerns of the album reveal small glimpses into Morrison’s psyche. In listening to Morrison Hotel, the listener enters the many minds of Jim Morrison. Each song is a room in the hotel, and each room is a glimmer of one of those minds. The lack of stoppages between certain tracks can be seen as a fluid transition from one room to the next.

Gone are the string and brass sections; the grandiose

experimentation of 1969’s The Soft Parade—the Doors answer to the Beatles’ Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band; what’s left on Morrison Hotel is a bluesy, rootsy sound: It’s the Doors stripped down. Here they rock out; get on the road; sing sea shanties, and take a much more corporeal lyrical approach. Although the album spawned no “hits” at the time, many songs have strongly stood the test of time by becom-ing some of the Doors’ finest

and most enduring: “Roadhouse Blues,” “Waiting for the Sun,” “Peace Frog,” and “The Spy” still see regular radio rotation to-day on most classic rock stations as well as a few of the liberal, era-inclusive modern rock sta-tions. The album was quickly lauded by fans and critics alike, which was the first time such a consensus established itself for the Doors since their second al-bum, 1967’s darkly psychedelic Strange Days.

From the gritty hard-rock punch of “Roadhouse Blues” to the willowy tenderness of “Indian Summer” Morrison Hotel delivers (musically) in a myriad of varied, yet straightforward ways. But when Morrison croons “this is the strangest life I’ve ever known” on the track “Waiting for the Sun,” we believe him. We want to follow, know what he knows, enter ethereal realms he has entered, and we want to see the strange. When the Doors are good, it’s because Morrison is ostenta-tiously bad; and if the Doors are bad, it’s because you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

And when you’re done your stay at the Morrison Hotel, you’ll find Jim Morrison downstairs, in the bar, sipping on a cold one: “Well I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer/ The future’s uncertain and the end is always near,” he might say.

Play it loud. Play it proud.

Vinyl Dust-Off: Morrison Hotel (1969)Lliam Easterbrook–sonic archaeologist–brings you his latest finds from excursions into ancient record bins. Every week, only on Vinyl Dust-Off.

MUSIC

E.T. doesn’t phone home, he sends a textIMIKE SHAMES

CONTRIBUTOR

When I went to see “Paul” I knew it was going to be funny, it was just a

question if it was going to make me giggle or roll on the floor, unable to breathe. It is written by my favourite duo and stars them too: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. This is the team that gave us the romantic zombie comedy Shawn of the Dead and the British police spoof Hot Fuzz which had many laughing to tears. It’s been a while since they gave us something new and fortunately they return with the same force as a Jedi Master.

This movie was in the mak-ing for many years. The friend-ship between Pegg and Frost started with their love of Star Wars. As a result they wrote a movie as a homage to all the greatest science fiction movies and add the all American classic road trip films with a dash of conspiracy flicks for flavour. And combined with British wit, it’s a winning recipe.

The movie revolves around two friends, Graeme Willy (Si-mon Pegg) and Clive Gollings (Nick Frost), who are fulfilling a dream to attend Comic-Con and visit places like Area 51. Except

they get sidetracked by an alien, named Paul. Paul is voice by Seth Rogen. Paul is vulgar, rude and on the run. Graeme and Clive help Paul evade govern-ment agents and have numerous encounters of the stranger kinds of people an American road trip offers.

Pegg and Frost are in their element as two nerds out to have the adventure they have always dreamt of. As visitors from the United Kingdoms they are the proverbial fish-out-of-

FILM

water. Americans either don’t understand their behaviour or are fascinated by them. They are clueless as they pass through some of the most conservative parts of the USA. This gets them into all sorts of trouble, espe-cially after meeting Paul. I think these roles come very naturally to Pegg and Frost as they are both huge nerds anyways. They stumble and bungle at the right places, and being some of the usual nerd traits to life. They piss off rednecks, freeze when talking to girls, and can speak Klingon. As individual charac-ters though it’s hard to separate the two as they are so similar. Pegg’s character is aspiring sci-fi artist, and Frost is a would be sci-fi writer waiting for a break.

Paul is their exact opposite. He’s in many ways more human than they are, and more com-fortable with human/Ameri-can customs. He drinks, chain smokes, and at times rude, in the stereotypical American way. But it’s time for him to head elsewhere and after crashing a car, he enlists Pegg and Frost to help him. Seth Rogen is not one of my favourite comedians, it’s mostly due to overexposure that has sapped his appeal. As for Paul, well Rogen is basically the same character he always is, and

recycles the same old jokes. But it’s the context of the alien char-acter looking at us as if we’re the strange ones that saves the role. For all the terror we associ-ate with aliens, he’s far more ac-cepting than most humans. Also Rogen plays off the moronic nature of two uptight, repressed nerds. I will admit, there is more to Paul then I originally thought.

This movie references so many of the sci-si classics, Star Wars, E.T., Close Encounters, Total Recall, and a few other genres too. This movie showed me how much of a nerd I really am. Throughout the movie I was giggling at the small references to these and other movies. At the big jokes I was howling with laughter. But it’s the little references to movies and current nerd culture that really made this movie worthwhile. If you are not a huge sci-fi fan you won’t get the full experience. I went with a friend who is not a sci-fi fan. He enjoyed the movie, but he missed many of the things I was splitting my gut on. So this is a good movie for non-nerds, but sic-fi nerds, you will love this movie. It’s a cel-ebration of everything sci-fi, and some of the icons that built the genre. And you will be rolling around trying to breathe.

IBRENDAN TYNDALLCONTRIBUTOR

Usually while I’m watch-ing television and its time for a commercial break,

I change the channel or go do something else in attempt to tune it out. However, recently I heard something on the televi-sion that I could not ignore: the bridge section of the Black Keys’ recent hit “Tighten Up” spewing from my speakers, its pulsating garage-blues riffs inviting me to listen more closely. Being a fan of the band I looked up. When I did, I was confronted with an image of some unseen entity pouring a pale, bubbly liquid seductively into a glass in ultra-slow motion. The ad was for Molson’s new product M, which is, according the ad, “a micro-carbonated lager.”

The Black Keys have helped sell everything from Budweiser, Subaru, American Express, to what is perhaps the strangest one I’ve seen: Zales diamonds. Nothing says rock’n’roll like diamond earrings (unless you happen to be David Bowie). I’ve lost count of the Keys’ songs I’ve heard in various movies, video games and televi-sion shows.

Using rock music to sell products is certainly not a new phenomenon. Michael Jack-son famously licensed a large portion of Lennon/McCartney songs, which he owned the rights to at the time, to use in commercials a few decades ago (somehow I don’t think the revolution John was talk-ing about had much to do with Nike). I remember being mildly disturbed when I heard a Wilco song in an ad for Volkswagon a few years back. Then there’s that ad for Call of Duty that uses the Stones’ “Gimme Shelter.” The irony of using one of the great anti-Vietnam protest songs in order to sell some freakishly realistic war video is not lost on me.

The artists’ defence on selling their music to advertisers is that in an age when not many people actually buy records anymore, preferring to pirate them from internet, the only way a band can make any money is to license their music out to com-mercials. This way their music will get heard by more people, and perhaps more people will buy the record.

The problem with this is the whole thing is getting out of hand. The line must be drawn somewhere. When considering selling a song to an advertising firm, musicians should remem-ber that Neil Young song from the 80s, “This Note’s For You.” He sings: “Ain’t singin’ for Pepsi/ Ain’t singin’ for Coke/ I don’t sing for nobody/ Makes me look like a joke.”

Indeed it does Neil, indeed it does.

Songs selling products

OPINION

CULTURE & CREATIVE vol. 3 issue 18 | April 05 2011 | page ninewww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

I SIMON MASSEY

Before we had even called to order the September meeting of the Society

of Welshmen Against Knit Cardigans it was evident that we would have to change our name. It had been somewhere around 30 years ago in the 127 year history of our society that we had reconciled our differ-ences with knit cardigans, and our members generally agreed they were actually quite nice. In fact, three of the members cur-rently in attendance were even sporting knit cardigans.

The good fortune of this particular meeting was the ab-sence of our two name change holdouts, Percival and Alfred. Percival was entrenched in the ideas of history and historical preservation and a firm believer that anything more than five years old should never change its name. Alfred was our only member of even remote Welsh descent and therefore would have attempted to halt any motion to remove Welshmen from the name of the society. Alfred’s preferred method of filibustering motions he op-posed was to hold his breath until he quite literally turned purple in the face, forcing us to adjourn the meeting in order to find him medical assistance. He had successfully employed this

strategy on two occasions. The first to block a motion to cease validating members’ parking even though he was the only one who drove to meetings and secondly to cancel a motion removing the requirement for all written propositions brought up at meetings to capitalize the first letter of each word in the title. Having taken note of Percival and Alfred’s absence we immediately began deciding on a new name.

Jeremy suggested our name should be politically charged as all societies worth their salt had a political agenda.

Abernathy suggested that our name should state the cur-rent times we live in, in order to make us seem more relevant.

Wilfred thought we should take a strong position on culture as all good societies these days promoted culture.

Archibald agreed and insisted we state it doubly so that no one could mistake how culturally motivated we were.

In a rare moment of coher-ence Clarence, who had admira-bly managed to remain crip-plingly drunk for the last four years, expressed his distaste that he was frequently chastised for drinking on the sidewalk and suggested we add some-thing to our name to promote such an action. None of us were happy about it but we begrudg-

The Society of Welshmen Against Knit Cardigans

Kwantlen’s Got Talent: Cody LecoyIKRISTI ALEXANDRA

CULTURE EDITOR

When a Kwantlen art instructor recommended that Cody Lecoy apply

to the YVR Art Foundation’s annual scholarship, he took it to heart. The 21-year-old fine arts major, whose main area of expertise is acrylic painting, took the opportunity to engage in the airport’s program—one that inevitably increases expo-sure for young aboriginal artists and facilitates education and mentorships. After creating a proposal for a large painting to be shown in the airport, Lecoy was granted $5,000 to complete the work within a year.

“For this particular proposal, it incorporates Northwest Coast design,” he says of the planned painting.

“I’m looking to create a fusion of the two styles I’m learning at school—which are more traditional methods of landscape, portraiture-kind of painting. I’m trying to find out my own style within Northwest Coast design.”

The ever-humble Lecoy is slow to assert that he knows exactly what he’s doing, but he maintains that this particular opportunity is starting to solidify his career as an artist.

I ROBERTO MENA

Cinesthesia, Kwantlen’s film society held a screening of the seminal film “Do the

Right Thing” last Monday. The film, directed and starring Spike Lee, deals with issues such as race, class, and the tension be-tween the various ethnic groups that was prominent during the 80s and 90s, and that still exists today.

The discussion that followed the film was one of the best and open discussions that Cinesthesia has had, and many seemingly taboo topics were discussed in an honest, welcoming environment and were related to the local Surrey community and the post Obama world.

Cinesthesia would like to invite Kwantlen student’s to its next screening on Apr. 11 at 7:00 p.m., for the documentary Inside Job, about the 2007-2010 financial crisis directed by Charles H. Ferguson. Inside Job is a movie that has sparked much debate among fans this year, and is sure to do the same at the screening as the society will discuss where the blame should go for the financial crisis and what could be done to prevent it from occurring again.

Cinesthesia does The Right Thing

TALENT

MICROFICTION

FILM

“I had a general idea of what I wanted to get across,” he says, alluding to the anticipated eight-by-four painting for the airport. “I’m still working with it, I don’t have a concrete plan yet.”

The young artist is also incredibly receptive to guidance, showing an eagerness to learn from the pros when he says, “I’ll be working under a mentor for a year, who’s a pretty well established artist in Vancouver—Lawrence Paul. He has similar style to what I do. I’m really excited to work with him and bounce ideas off of him, and it’ll help me to find where I’m going with my painting.”

From Penticton, Lecoy was originally drawn to Kwantlen to pursue baseball. Realizing that his true passion was painting, he continued in the Bachelor of Fine Arts program. Now, the artist is in his third year of the program with some impressive successes under his belt—aside from being selected winner for the 2011 YVR Art Foundation’s annual scholarship, he’s also one of the initial members of the Kwantlen Arts Collective, a student group of about 15 who put on their own art shows and provide support for fellow student artists.

ingly obliged as he held the most seniority.

Luckily Theodore suggested we simply take a stance on preserving traditional liber-ties and assured Clarence that it would cover his suggestion. Clarence at this point was busy being violently ill into a nearby garbage can, so we took his lack of objection as a go ahead and proceeded on with the meeting.

The last member to speak, Thomas, was adamant that we be against something. I suggest-ed that as we were an old and established society we should be opposed to the dismantle-ment of old and established things to which the others

wholeheartedly agreed. As everyone had given their

input and Clarence had finished emptying his stomach we then gave the floor to Nelson, who had been taking down our suggestions, to create and an-nounce our new name. Nelson was a man who could rightfully be accused of an overzealous use of what he believed to be socio-political jargon and buzz words as well as a tendency to do slowly anything he believed had great significance, as he thought this created an essential air of anticipation. Therefore, it was only after some consider-able and needless rummaging through the papers on his table

that he finally stood up and stated that;

“After weighing our various convictions I conclude that we should hereafter be named The Antidisestablishmentarian Soci-ety For The Preservation Of Cul-ture And Traditional Freedoms To Combat Countercultural And Pseudo-Libertarian Ideals In A Post-Industrial Post-Modern Pre-Enlightened Society With Neo-Liberal Proclivities.”

Of course none of us had the faintest clue as to what on earth that meant, so we instead de-cided to go out for lemon soda and make a conscious effort to scowl at anyone younger than we were.

CREATIVE The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca page ten | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18

PHOTOGRAPHY

SURREAL

IJARED VAILLANCOURTCONTRIBUTOR

Byron knew immediately what his people were to do with Earth. He stepped carefully off of the ramp leading back into the landing craft, his

armoured boots meeting hard concrete. Before him, a crowd of police-contained creatures with primitive cameras and microphones watched in awe as the first Vril to set foot on their world paused and took a deep breath.

“By the suns,” he whispered, a slow smile crossing his fangs. One of the creatures was walking forwards, his palms up and open. Byron knew this was a display of neutrality; months of surveying this world had shown his team more than he thought even the creatures of this world knew about Earth. He performed their version of a smile, allowing his thin lips to peel back from his neat, dagger-like teeth. The approaching creature hesitated for only a second.

“Welcome to our humble planet, Earth,” the creature said, low and slow. Byron turned the rest of his body to face the creature, easily dwarfing the smartly-dressed primitive. “I am the leader of the great nation of England. My name is-”

“I know your name,” Byron cooed, spittle drip-ping down from between his fangs. The Englishman gulped and lowered his hands to straighten his tie. “I have chosen to call myself Byron on your world,” he continued. “My true name is too complex for your lips.” Byron followed this up with a smile. The Eng-lishman gave him a curt nod.

“You’ve been watching us,” the leader stated. Byron chuckled and lifted his arms out wide.

“I am here on a mission of peace,” Byron pro-claimed, trying to decide if it was a lie or not. “You can assure your populace we Vril mean your citi-zens no harm.” He lowered his arms and offered his hand to the creature. The leader shook it, his tiny grip barely noticeable. When they pulled apart, he examined his gloved claws. “I do say, learning your language was a painstaking endeavour. I’d like to test my... fluency.” He looked back at the Englishman and smiled, noticing the expression on his face as he took in Byron’s opaque goggles and armour. From head to toe, the only scales Byron showed were his lips and throat; the rest was a shiny silver-white shell.

The Englishman smiled and offered his arm. “Of course. Our Queen is awaiting your audience.”

“I find that most curious,” Byron spoke with a slow deliberation, as though each word were selected from a secret roster. He had seen the technique used on the aliens’ broadcasts to show power in certain

individuals, and merely wanted to establish that he wasn’t one to be trifled with. “You call yourself the leader, and yet you serve a Queen,” he smiled down at the now nervous little creature. “Really, friend, I find that quite amusing.”

“Oh thank God,” the leader whispered. Byron decided he hadn’t heard that. “Our Queen is more or less a symbol of our great nation, though if she wanted she could reclaim her old power.” He looked up at Byron and smirked. “It’s quite complicated – perhaps, if you’d like, I could provide you with books on the subject.”

Byron allowed his smile to widen past the point the creature could emulate. “Splendid!” he hissed. “I did so enjoy learning of your world from afar – your own recollections would be most... insightful.” He walked with the leader through the crowd, which easily parted as they approached. “In return, I would be more than happy to translate the classic Vril sys-tems of empire. You would find our perspective on the role of the Overlord most cunning, I think.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” the Englishman mut-tered, his amicable facade slowly failing. Byron al-lowed him to lead them into the square palace before them, the crowd of onlookers beginning to mutter and whisper as their eyes watched the pair ascend the marble steps. Byron looked up and giggled–if only they had scanning goggles and could see the immense ship cloaked right above their city. It was an insurance policy the Vril had become accustomed to paying.

Inside, Byron was greeted by files and ranks of neat palace guards, ceremonially lining the ruby red carpet between him and the elderly Queen atop her throne. Byron’s quick glance showed the infrared images of several real guards hiding invisible behind the elaborately decorated walls. He gestured to the brightly coloured imposters. “I see your people are no fools,” he said loud enough to echo, “guarding your Queen even from those who claim to be friends. I am impressed.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” the Queen said as she stood up. “Prime Minister. Who is this charming fellow?”

“He... calls himself Byron, mum,” the Englishman said quickly. “Might I... well, might I present you to the Queen, mister Byron?” he asked the imposing Vril. Byron cocked his head to one side, his smile never faltering.

“But of course,” Byron hissed with a soft bow. “You have protocols to follow. I dare not insult you through... deviation.” He turned and stood as straight as he cared, his claws cupping above his chest.

“Ah-hem,” the Englishman announced, “Present-ing Byron, the first Vril to set foot on Earth and Great Britain!”

“We are honoured,” the Queen smiled, stepping down to greet Byron halfway down the carpet. “And what, may I ask, brings you to our humble little world?” At this, Byron had to lick the spittle drooling from his open mouth. He looked around the im-mense room and stretched, keeping his arms below the line of his shoulders.

“Why, your species, of course,” Byron said as though speaking about the weather. “We’ve been collecting samples for months now. Your species is quite... how do I put it?” he turned to stare down at the Queen. “Ah. Delectable.”

There was a pause that made him start to drool again. The Queen finally said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Your people – all of them, not just the Britons,” he said softly, as though speaking to a child. “The components are the same; proteins, carbohydrates... certain nerve tissues,” he hissed, adding a few jocose expletives in whispered Vril. “The ingredients are there... and the taste is quite exquisite.” This cap-tured the full attention of everyone in the room; and around the world, Byron thought as he noticed the cameras not-so-cleverly hidden everywhere.

“Are you suggesting you...” the Queen hesitated, her eyes on Byron’s sharp teeth, “... Want to eat us?” At this, Byron threw back his head and laughed.

“By the suns, no,” he chuckled. “Not all of you, anyways. Just whomever you could be bothered to spare; say, political dissidents, criminals, the home-less... terrorists...” he took in another deep breath and paused, letting them know he was enjoying the scent. “I do say, we’re both civilized peoples here – not monsters.” The Prime Minister let out a tripe laugh, his hand coming up to point at Byron’s fangs.

“Not monsters? This from the man who wants to eat half of London!”

“Interrupt again and it will be the whole of London!” Byron hissed quickly, tapping the com-municator at his wrist. He allowed his smile to return in force as the sounds of panic accompanied the ship un-cloacking overhead. “Now,” he continued as slowly and deliberately as before, “we Vril are an enlightened people. We don’t roam the galaxy look-ing to make enemies. Your culture is fascinating – we could be friends!” He knelt down so he was goggle-to-eye with the Queen. “For a small fee, of course.” He knew from the look in her eyes he had won; she merely had to admit it.

Her resignation took only three whole minutes. “Well, you’ll want to see Scotland Yard, then.”

The Red Pioneer

JEFF GROAT/THE RUNNER

PROCRASTINATIONwww.runnerrag.ca | The Runner vol. 3 issue 18 | April 05 2011 | page eleven

The real enemy is indifference, pas-sivity... and yes, those pesky Reds.

The ability to drink milk descends from a mutant gene. Think about that for a second.

Consistency is only a virtue if you’re not a screw-up.

Be careful what you say around other people today. This goes doubly for you, Mr. Horoscope writer.

Take a risk and try listening to some other genre of music. You just might like it.

If your strategy includes wacky gambles, surrender.

Don’t play video games. You’re murdering millions of innocent sprites.

Look up “Aquarius” by Within Temp-tation. That chick’s totally into you!

Don’t look at life as a series of chal-lenges. Look at life as the mountain of victories you’re going to climb.

Don’t trust anyone who claims “I just want to be your friend” when meeting you for the fi rst time.

LIBRASept. 23 - Oct. 22

LEOJuly 23 - Aug. 22

VIRGOAug. 23 -Sept. 22

ARIESMar. 21 - Apr. 19

GEMINIMay 21 - June 20

AQUARIUSJan. 20 - Feb. 19

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

CAPRICORNDec. 22 - Jan. 19

SCORPIOOct. 23 - Nov. 21

CANCERJune 21 - July 22

TAURUSApr. 20 - May 20

Invent a new dance. Call it “The Hu-man.” Tell everyone only robots can do it.

Buying a fake goatee and telling people you’re your evil twin from the other dimension might be fun.

SAGITTARIUSNov. 22 - Dec. 21

VARIATION ON THE RULES — ANDREW MCLACHLAN — THE PEAK (SFU)

HOROSCOPE

RIP-OFF KWANTLEN THE SMART ZONE

CUP Crossword

Across

1- Head and shoulders sculpture; 5- Milan’s La ; 10- Hang-up; 14- Draft classifi cation; 15- Histological stain; 16- Abound; 17- Sleep disorder; 19- Pearl Mosque city; 20- Computer availability; 21- Half-pike; 23- Science of bodies at rest; 25- Muzzle; 26- Absolute; 28- More spine-tingling; 31- Drinks (as a cat); 34- Part of Q.E.D.; 36- Not o’er; 37- Author Umberto; 38- Apprised; 40- kwon do; 41- Palpitate; 43- Biblical birthright seller; 44- Second letter of the Greek alphabet; 45- Foursome; 47- Diamond fl aw?; 49- As-pect; 51- One playing alone; 55- Vision in dim light; 58- Tin alloy; 59- Anklebones; 60- Fertilize an animal; 62- Presidential battleground state; 63- Silk cotton; 64- Netman Nastase; 65- Auth. unknown; 66- Habituate; 67- Seemingly forever;

Down

1- Additional pay; 2- Not appropriate; 3- Simmons rival; 4- Roman historian; 5- Chosen; 6- Cedar Rapids college; 7- Cairo cobras; 8- Does a Daffy Duck impression; 9- Whatever person; 10- Height; 11- Bargain; 12- Dynamic beginning; 13- Fed; 18- Drop; 22- Very much; 24- Open a tennis match; 27- Bluffer’s ploy; 29- Coup d’___; 30- Greek fertility goddess, fl ightless bird; 31- Riga resident; 32- Dull pain; 33- Case; 35- Autocratic Russian rulers; 38- Bahamanian island; 39- Continental inhabitant; 42- Speech; 44- Chocolate chewy cake; 46- Portray; 48- Designer Cassini; 50- Stopwatch-holder; 52- Author Calvino; 53- Take hold; 54- Forest makeup; 55- Portico; 56- “All the Way” lyricist Sammy; 57- Capital city of Western Samoa; 61- Baseball stat;

JEFF GROAT/THE RUNNER

If you’ve stepped into the library on Surrey Campus in the past few weeks, you may have seen this sign. It reads, “step inside for a spot of free think-ing,” while underneath “Coast Capital Savings Library” is emblazoned next to the Kwantlen logo. So you’re telling me that a corporation can sponsor “free thinking?” That’s like a dictator sponsoring an area of “free democracy.” After spending a few hours in the library, you may fi nd yourself “freely” thinking about opening an account at Coast Capital and not knowing why.

Coast Capital Library

ADVERTISEMENT The Runner | www.runnerrag.capage twelve | April 05 2011 | vol. 3 issue 18