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Page 1: Volume 99, Issue 11

TRAVEL | 10

THE WALLA WALLA UNIVERSITY

VOLUME 99 | ISSUE 11 | 15 JANUARY 2015 | collegian

108

713

12

i hope you don’t read this.6

Page 2: Volume 99, Issue 11

It’s a tricky time of year. The cold and the dark rolled in months ago, and spring is still far away.

At the same time, cultural expectations dictate that January 1 is the day to reflect on the year that’s passed

and to make resolutions. There’s something that seems so wrong about that juxtaposition. How are we supposed

to be stoked about the future when the warmth of the holidays are in the rearview mirror and we’re thrown back

into the chaos of reality and responsibility?

It seems to me that the reason the beginning of the year is so unnecessarily dark is because the focus is on the self. Loved ones are

on the back burner and we fixate on our personal goals and dreams. Past failures flood the mind and we’re quickly convinced that this year’s

resolutions will end the same way. This year, if I’m being honest, the doubt and the emptiness are painfully sharp.

Nevertheless, I would argue that this turmoil can be a source of hope. Just as one’s journey to salvation begins with hitting rock bottom, a monumental

year can begin in darkness, and ultimately in surrender. Our own visions can be beautiful in the abstract, but even in success we can find that we are empty. But if we have the guts to let go and let God’s will drive us, He will take us higher.

Humor me for a moment while I share a verse, heavily paraphrased from Romans 12 in The Message:

Take your life and place it before God as an offering. Embracing

what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Fix your

attention on God. and you will be changed from the inside out.

Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its

level, God brings the best out of you… Love from the center of

who you are. Bless your enemies and be good friends who

love deeply. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best

of evil with good.

By all means, eat healthier and get in shape. But for the love of God, don’t live for yourself.

02 context

Editor’s Letter & Table of Contents | 2News | 3,4Week in Forecast | 5

BARBOSARICKY

06 perspective

Opinion | 6Religion | 7

08 life

Humor | 8 #thecollegian | 9 Culture | 10 CW & CW | 11 Food | 12 Fashion | 13 Science | 14Sports/Travel | 15The Other Cheek | 16

Cover Credit: obsoleteworld.com, mywholefoodlife.com, images.christianposts.com

The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to [email protected] or [email protected]. This issue was completed at 11:59 A.M. on Wednesday, January 14, 2015.

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives.

For information about advertising, please contact Shandra Cady at [email protected].

The Collegian | Volume 99, Issue 11 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu

Editor-in-Chief

Eric

k Ju

arez

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Ricky Barbosa

ASSISTANT EDITOR

Karl Wallenkampf

LAYOUT EDITOR

Mindy Robinson

HEAD COPY EDITOR

Andrea Johnson

PERSPECTIVE EDITOR

Alex Lemnah

CONTENT EDITOR

Carolyn Green

BACKPAGE & CREATIVE CURATOR

Abigail Wissink

CULTURE WRITER

River Davis

FASHION WRITER

Alyssa Hartwick

FOOD WRITER

Rachel Peterson

HUMOR WRITER & OFFICE MANAGER Lauren Lewis

NEWS WRITERS

Savannah KislingMorgan Sanker Alexandra Buley

RELIGION WRITERS

Benjamin RameyRandy Folkenberg

ADVERTISING MANAGERShandra Cady

SCIENCE & TECH WRITER

Daniel Hulse

SPORTS WRITER & PROMOTION MANAGER

Alex Wagner

TRAVEL & LOCAL WRITER

Shannon Pierce

COPY EDITORS

Tyler JacobsonKayla AlbrechtRachel Blake

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER

Zachary Johnson

LAYOUT DESIGNERS

Matthew MoranIan SmithEmily Brinley

ASWWU HEAD PHOTO EDITOR

Erick Juarez

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.com

A WINTER MANIFESTO

Page 3: Volume 99, Issue 11

Humor | 8 #thecollegian | 9 Culture | 10 CW & CW | 11 Food | 12 Fashion | 13 Science | 14Sports/Travel | 15The Other Cheek | 16

CONTEXT03NEWS

PEACEMAKING WEEKEND MOVED AS RACIAL TENSIONS BLAZE

A d v e n t i s t u n i v e r s i t i e s moved their Peacemaking Weekend to January 16th, earlier than o r i g i n a l l y scheduled, in light of erupt-

ing racial tension and violence across the nation.

In order to provide context for the upcoming weekend, here is a summa-ry of a few events that brought the is-sues of police brutality and racial pro-filing to national attention.

Eric Garner, an African American man, died in Staten Island, N.Y. after a white police officer, Daniel Pantaleo, 29, put him in a chokehold while ar-resting him on July 17, 2014. Garner, 43, was arrested for selling loose cig-arettes and allegedly repeated, “I can’t breathe,” several times as officers held him down before he eventually lost consciousness. An ambulance arrived on the scene shortly thereafter and

Garner was pronounced dead on ar-rival at the hospital an hour later.

Tension heightened after Michael Brown, an 18-year-old African Amer-ican, was fatally shot by a white police officer, Darren Wilson, in Ferguson, Mo. on Aug. 9. Prior to the shoot-ing, Brown robbed a nearby conve-nience store and assaulted the store clerk. Wilson, 28, who was notified of the robbery by dispatch, recognized Brown walking in the street with Dorian Johnson. Wilson blocked the two men with his patrol car, and an altercation ensued in which Wilson’s gun fired twice within the vehicle. Brown and Johnson fled with Wilson in pursuit. Wilson reportedly fired 12 rounds of shots with at least six shots striking Brown, fatally wounding him. The grand jury ruled not to indict offi-cer Wilson on Nov. 24, just weeks be-fore the jury also ruled to acquit officer Pantaleo on Dec 3.

Two NYPD officers, Wenjian Liu, 32, and Rafael Ramos, 40, were shot in Brooklyn on Dec. 20 in response to the acquittals of officers Pantaleo

and Wilson. The shooter, an African American man named Ismaaiyl Abdul-lah Brinsley, 28, approached the patrol car and shot the two officers several times, killing them instantly, before shooting himself in a nearby subway. Earlier that day Brinsley wrote on In-stagram, “I’m Putting Wings On Pigs Today. They Take 1 of Ours….Let’s Take 2 of Theirs” followed by the hashtags #ShootThePolice, #RIPEric-Gardner, and #RIPMikeBrown.

Protesters rallied together in Wash-ington D.C., New York, Chicago, Oak-land and San Antonio to march against police brutality and racial profiling on Dec. 13. In Washington D.C. alone, nearly 25,000 people turned out to show support. Protests have appeared more peaceful in comparison to the Ferguson riots that broke out after the acquittal of officer Wilson, which resulted in extensive damage to the Ferguson community. Likewise the New York protests in response to the acquittal of officer Pantaleo proved quieter as fewer arrests were made.

A candlelight vigil and peace march will be held to mark Martin Luther King Jr. Day and WWU’s P e a c e m a k i n g Weekend. Both the upcoming

Peacemaking Weekend and Martin Luther King Jr. Day events are high-lighted by recent violence and racially motivated activity.

The candlelight vigil will be held immediately following vespers on Fri-day night, Jan. 16. This event is put on by the WWU chapter of Amnesty International and all are welcome to join. Those that want to participate are asked to gather at the Jesus Among Us statue and the vigil will proceed down 4th Street to College Avenue and then to the SAC. Candles will be provided.

CANDLELIGHT VIGIL AND PEACE MARCH TO BE HELD AT WWU

kislingSAVANNAH

News Writer

This is to be a time of remembrance for those that have lost their lives in the fight for peace in recent events such as anti-police protests, unrest in Ferguson, Missouri, terror attacks in Paris, France, and civilian shootings that have happened across the coun-try.

To continue the Peacemaking Weekend, there will be a panel discus-sion during Sabbath Seminar, which meets in CTC room 105 at 10:30 A.M. Saturday morning.

The peace march will be held Mon-day, January 19 starting at the Land Ti-tle Plaza (1st Avenue and Main Street) and will return to the Reid Campus Center (Whitman College campus) for a reception with refreshments around 5:00 P.M. This event is free and open to the public. Walla Walla Universi-ty has been asked to join Whitman College and Walla Walla Community College for this special event.

If you are considering joining any of these events, you are encouraged to bring along some friends (despite the inevitable cold weather) and reflect on the reasons that you should stand alongside your fellow humans.

“Participating in a peace march is important for a couple of reasons. First, it’s a statement of remembrance and appreciation for all the progress we have made towards racial equality and the people who made that prog-ress happen. [It] is a great way to re-mind yourself how far we’ve come,” said Amnesty International President Brooklynn Larson.

“Secondly, participating in a march is also a statement of solidarity to-wards those who still fight for their basic rights — right here at home and around the world. Marching for peace is a physical way to say ‘I value peace and I value progress.’ ”

buleyALEXANDRA

News Writer

SenateUPDATE

Old Business

G.L. 9Election Board

P.L. 20Taylor Stanic for Small Events Coordinator

P.L. 21Rilei Hill for Big Events Coordinator

P.L. 22Concurrent Position for Licenna Bouit

YOU SHOULD READ THIS:Seven cultural concepts we don't have in the U.S.tinyurl.com/7-cultural-concepts

51 of the most beautiful sentences in literaturetinyurl.com/51-sentences-literature

Yosemite free-climb duo reach El Capitan summittinyurl.com/el-capitan-summit

Man sentient for 10 years of 12 year comatinyurl.com/twelve-year-coma

One U.S. dollar could soon equal one eurotinyurl.com/dollar-euro-equal The Ebola Wars: How genomics research can help contain the outbreaktinyurl.com/ebola-wars

Brain scans may help predict future problems, and solutionstinyurl.com/brain-scan-solutions

Geophysicists are turning peanut butter into diamond gemstonestinyurl.com/peanut-butter-diamond

Charlie Hebdo’s defiant Muhammad cover fuels debate on free speechhttp://tinyurl.com/charlie-hebdo-free-speech

Page 4: Volume 99, Issue 11

CONTEXTNEWS04

Dr. Brooke Vick, social psychol-ogist and Associate Professor of Psy-chology at Whitman College is sched-uled to speak for WWU’s MLK Jr. Day CommUnity on Monday, Jan. 19, 2015 at 11:00 A.M. in the University Church. She earned her Ph.D. in So-cial Psychology from the University of California, Santa Barbara, where she studied the causes and consequences of perceiving prejudice from both the perpetrator’s and target’s perspectives. Trained in the psychology of prejudice and social stigma, Dr. Vick has exam-ined the effects of experiencing preju-dice and having a marginalized social identity on academic performance, motivation, physiological reactivity, and social perception. Her research has also investigated strategies that could help reduce the negative effects

of prejudice, including self-acceptance, confrontation, and ally-ship. Her work has been published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology and Psychological Science. I had a chance to ask her some important questions before her presentation next week.

Morgan Sanker: Why did you choose your specific field and what influenced your decision?

Dr. Brooke Vick: I chose to study psy-chology because I observed so many puzzling, problematic human behav-iors in my environment and I wanted to understand their causes. I specifical-ly chose to study prejudice and social stigma within psychology because I became aware of prejudice at a very young age and always felt at a loss to comprehend how and why prejudice develops and how to reduce it.

MS: During your time at UC Santa Barbara, did any racial problems pres-ent themselves?

BV: While I was at UCSB, I had my head buried in my studies (working toward a Ph.D. tends to give people tunnel vision) so I was rarely outside of my lab. I have no doubt that there were issues with race in that area, I just

was not plugged into them at the time.

MS: Have you experienced racial in-justice first hand?

BV: Yes. My guess is that one would be hard-pressed to find a person of color in this country who has not been touched by, or privy to prejudice and racism in some form, either personal-ly, via association with others, or in-stitutionally.

MS: What racial tensions have you come across in the Walla Walla valley?

BV: The race-related incidents that I am aware of in our communities come primarily in the form of harassment, profiling, and threats of physical vio-lence and intimidation against young-er people (often students) of color in the area. I have also observed negative attitudes directed toward members of immigrant populations in the valley.

MS: How has your research affected your view of racial injustice?

BV: My research has helped me to un-derstand some of the multiple reasons why racial bias develops and is main-tained despite broad explicit rejection of the idea by individuals. I also have a better sense of how prejudice affects

people from harming their mental and physical health to reducing motiva-tion, life chances, and outcomes. The research can be both depressing and encouraging as it indicates negative consequences of prejudice, but also highlights the good that can be done when bias is reduced.

MS: Can racial injustice and marginal-ized social identities be stopped?

BV: Because our brains naturally orga-nize people into categories and strong psychological processes motivate the maintenance of social hierarchies, it is difficult to conclude that we can achieve a society in which social stig-ma in all of its forms is completely eradicated. We can, however, abso-lutely work toward a more just society that upholds the civil rights of all of its citizens, provides equal opportuni-ty and access to members of all social groups, and affords safety and respect to everyone regardless of race, reli-gion, class, gender, sexuality, or dis-ability.

MS: What strategies can students, fac-ulty, and people alike implement to negate racial injustice?

BV: Racial injustice, broadly speak-

ing, is a huge beast to defeat. We can, however, begin by working on ourselves and working to improve justice, respect, and equality in our own social circles. We can work to be more sensitive and aware of our own potential to apply stereotypic ex-pectations to others and consciously combat those judgments in ourselves. We can speak up when we see others engaging in stereotypic judgments, expressing prejudicial attitudes, or be-having in discriminatory ways and let them know that we do not agree, that it is not okay. Racial bias is at its most powerful when we are silent — silence allows these biases to go unchecked, uncorrected, and those who are the perpetrators (whether deliberately or not) can maintain their sense that their ideas represent a broad consensus (so-cial norms are powerful motivators of behavior). If students, faculty, staff, and community members bear witness to prejudice or discrimination, and find themselves in a situation in which they have some privilege (due to their race, age, gender, job title, economic position, etc.), act to call out the be-havior and work to reduce its effects. We can all do something. We can all do better.

DR. BROOKE VICK TO SPEAK FOR MLK COMMUNITY

sankerMORGAN

News Writer

Elections are coming up for the positions of:

PresidentExecutive VP

Social VPSpiritual VP

Apply online or in the ASWWU offices

Open

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO LEAD

?

Project ManagerTred Shed

ASWWU Outdoors

POSITIONS:

Apply online

Page 5: Volume 99, Issue 11

Week inFORECAST

Week of Worship:University Church, 11:40 A.M.

FRIDAY

17

SATURDAY

18

SUNDAY

19

MONDAY

20

TUESDAY

January 16t

January 1750°

January 18

aJanuary 19

48°January 20

Week of Worship:University Church, 11:40 A.M.

Vespers: Josué Hernandez University Church, 8:00 P.M.

a48° t 48°

a 46°

Music Minor Recital: Ellen ClarkMelvin K. West Fine Arts Center Auditorium, 4:00 P.M.

Music Department Student Recital:Melvin K. West Fine Arts Auditorium, 7:30 P.M.

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UPCOMINGEVENTS

BATTLE OF THE BANDS:Saturday, February 7

RAIL JAM:Saturday, February 21

21

WEDNESDAY January 21a 45°

THURSDAY January 15t 41°

Campus Ministries Downtown Outreach:Walla Walla University Bookshop, 2:45 P.M.

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MLK CommUnity:University Church, 11:00 A.M.

CONTEXT05WEEK IN FORECAST

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Open POSITIONS:

Page 6: Volume 99, Issue 11

PERSPECTIVEOPINION06

lemnahPerspective Editor

ALEX

“I often get the sneaking suspicion that many WWU students are ashamed to learn, ashamed to raise their hands and ask questions, ashamed to smile in class or between classes, ashamed to be taught new things, and ashamed in general.”

This article is for anyone who is not pumped to be at Walla Walla University.

By the end of this article, I’ll have made the argument that if you don’t want to be here you should leave. Please, keep in mind that this article is for those who do not want to be here, so if you feel like you want to be here and this article does not apply to you, you are probably correct and I recom-mend that you read something else.

Now that I have established my in-tended audience, I’ll begin.

Do you remember in high school (academy) when it was cool to not care about anything? Do you remem-ber when everyone made it obvious that they were not interested in un-cool stuff like studying and learning and being intelligent? I remember that period. The best thing about it is that it’s over. Constant disinterest was a game to play in high school. It’s a game that should end in college. It took me a while to learn this, but if you want, you can learn too.

Let’s consider why it’s important to care about learning in college. Es-sentially, college is an institution of learning that is not mandatory, which means that if you don’t want to learn in a classroom and do homework and study and get tested, you probably shouldn’t be in college. This seems painfully obvious, right? Well, it’s obviously not. Unfortunately, this generation assumes that it must bear the weight of many upper and up-per-middle class expectations. Why do

I narrow expectations to a certain so-cioeconomic class? Because I guaran-tee that kids in the slums of the world don’t expect to go to college, and if they were given the opportunity, they wouldn’t be able to act casually disin-terested.

But back to us. Is getting a degree actually an expectation? In most of the homes that WWU students come from, it probably is — and that’s okay. Parents typically want their children to find success and it is typically thought that the chances of finding success (i.e. happiness) are higher with a col-lege degree. What I am saying is that it is perfectly natural to feel pressured into getting a degree. However, some of the pressure may be relieved if we consider what success means and how it might be found.

Many people define success as hav-ing enough means to support a healthy lifestyle and having the ability to pur-sue pleasures and passions outside of work. That’s a great definition. For these people, going to college is a great idea because usually jobs go to the most qualified and in our day a paper degree symbolizes qualification (beware, this is constantly changing). The people who are using college as a means to an end usually realize that the only way to make a degree count towards success is to do well, and usually the best way to do well is to care about studying and learning and college — just to care in general. In other words, if you want to do well enough to complete your degree and get a good job, you should

probably not be reading this article because you should probably want to be here.

What about the other people, the ones who define success as happiness in the moment and who don’t over think adulthood, the imaginary fu-ture existence in which one eventually grows up and gets a job?

Firstly, let’s avoid rating which defi-nition of success is better. I hope you understand what I mean when I say that the old idea of an unalterable path to success died a long time ago. Peo-ple create and define success in many different ways. For the type of person who seeks the success of the moment, life is happening now and not four years from now. For this type of per-son, life is a long process of learning that can happen either in or out of the classroom. However — this is a big however — if you are this type of person and have followed your heart into college, you certainly shouldn’t be reading this article because, as you must know, you are in an ever-unfold-ing moment of success that includes being in college. It’s tough to love the success of the moment and roll your eyes at the same time.

So who, exactly, should be reading this article? Honestly, I hope nobody is. If you believe as I do that success is available to those who want it now and those who want it later, then col-lege should be a place that pleases all types of people who are in the least bit interested in learning a thing or two. For some reason, however, I often get the sneaking suspicion that many WWU students are ashamed to learn, ashamed to raise their hands and ask questions, ashamed to smile in class or between classes, ashamed to be taught new things, and ashamed in general. With so much shame lurking every-

where, it’s almost nice that some peo-ple are daring enough to make it clear that they don’t care about anything. Almost.

I get that some people are shy. I’m not writing this for the people who are too shy to show they care, I’m writing to the students who act like learning is torturous and who behave as if they’d rather be doing anything other than being a student. I’d be surprised if your disinterest has brought you this deep into the article, but if my description fits you, here’s what I have to say: I believe you. You are right. Learning isn’t your thing and you might want to consider finding happiness some-where other than at an educational institution.

I didn’t always love to learn and it took me a while to see college as I now see it: a place to learn. I don’t expect everyone to come to the same conclu-sion that I have, but I will point out that upper division courses are often lots of fun because, for the most part, upper division students aren’t afraid to admit that learning is cool. Imagine with me how much richer the learning environment would be at WWU if ev-eryone who was too cool dropped out and spent $700/hr on something other than making funny, snide remarks and taking discreet naps (are you really be-ing funny or discreet?).

So, what am I proposing? I’m not really proposing anything. If you have read this entire article you obvious-ly care about something and should probably not drop out. Enjoy your-self and tell everyone else to leave for me.

YOUDON’T

THIS

I HOPE

READ

Page 7: Volume 99, Issue 11

07RELIGIONOPINION

rameyReligion Writer

BENJAMIN

“I often get the sneaking suspicion that many WWU students are ashamed to learn, ashamed to raise their hands and ask questions, ashamed to smile in class or between classes, ashamed to be taught new things, and ashamed in general.”

OFFERING AN OFFERING

folkenbergRANDY

Religion Writer

At the beginning of last year, Ryan Bell, an ex-adventist pastor, began what he called a “Year Without God.” Nine months prior to the beginning of this “Year Without God,” Ryan Bell resigned from pastoring the Holly-wood Seventh-day Adventist church because of theological and practical disagreements he had with the Adven-tist denomination. That was in March, and by December of 2013, Bell had decided to not only separate himself from Adventism, but to separate him-self from all those who believe in God. Over time Bell had begun to doubt the very existence of God and wanted to live a year as an atheist to test it out.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Bell completed his year without God, con-cluding that God probably doesn’t ex-ist.

To atheists looking on, Bell’s fi-nal conclusion is of no surprise and is being proclaimed as a victory for their side. But what about Christians? Where is God in this godless year?

Should it cause us to doubt our belief in God? While I am definitely sad-dened by Bell’s conclusion, it has in no way weakened my belief in God. In fact, through this article I hope to share one of the many ways that I see God in a Bell’s “Year Without God.”

At the very core of Christianity and at the center of the Gospel is the prin-ciple of love. Love is arguably the most powerful thing in the world. It can bring families back together, reunite whole countries, prevent unkindness, and forgive the worst of wrongs. I’m reminded of a Rascal Flatts’ song, “To Make Her Love Me,” which is pretty much a prayer of a heartbroken guy to God. The main point of the song comes part way through the chorus when the guy says to God, “You made the heavens and the stars, everything, come on how hard could it be to make her love me?”

At first it seems to me that the man’s request to God is perfectly le-gitimate. After all, God can do any-thing, right? Soon, however, I realize that this man’s request just isn’t going to be answered. Let me explain: The

power behind love is free choice. Love cannot be forced; it must be chosen, which means our guy in the country song is out of luck. It is this concept of love being a choice I see God in “A Year Without God.” Because God is love and love is a free choice, a belief in and relationship with God must also be a choice. The fact that Ryan Bell was doubting the existence of God is actually evidence of God’s love; it testifies to free choice. Put it this way: if God had created and structured the world in such a way that his existence was undeniable and unquestionable, all people would have no choice but to acknowledge his existence, meaning that belief in God would cease to be a choice. God, because He is love, wants our believing in Him to be a choice, not a mandate. In other words, Ryan Bell’s choice to not believe in God was literally made possible by the love of God.

Each day we are faced with choices. Some choices are small and seemingly insignificant while others are big. The biggest choice that I believe we each have to make is, like Bell, a choice re-garding God.

At some point or another we will all ask, “Is there really a God out there? If there is, does He really love and care for me?” As we search for the answers to these questions in a host of different places, let’s not forget that the ques-tion itself might actually be giving its own answer.

I was asked to help collect offering at the special Christmas vespers held at the University Church before break. We were given the offering plates and told to man the doors, one of us posted at each exit so that everyone would have the opportunity to give. I stood at the side doors that led to the church offices and the fellowship hall. I didn’t have to report back emp-ty handed. Typically this would have

been an uneventful job, but I got three responses that I just couldn’t help but write down:

1. A man in a brown blazer, dark pants and an even darker hat looked me in the eye as he breezed past and said, “Sorry, not this time.”

2. “There you go,” remarked a mid-dle-aged lady with long blonde hair who threw the money in my holder.

3. Here’s my personal favorite: I harmlessly glanced over at an elderly lady who looked incredibly guilty be-cause she had already given her money to a different usher. She apologized to me as she hurried past, “Sorry, I al-ready gave it!”

As soon as everyone left I pulled out my iPhone and typed all three of these sayings into the notepad.

Each response had something in common: the individuals all felt that they had a duty to give willingly, and if they didn’t, guilt would settle in. Unfortunately, many Christian duties, like tithe and offering are, at times, nailed down because we are afraid of the consequences incurred by not giving. Since the church teaches that those who give will be blessed by God, then those who are not giving live with fear until they meet the demands of Christian law.

Funny enough, the idea of break-ing off a ten percent chunk of every paycheck you receive in order to give it to the church is found nowhere in the New Testament. The word “tithe” is only used three times in the gospels and two of those are present because Luke and Matthew are telling the same

story! The idea of giving is built into a much grander scheme.

God does not bless people who give tithe as a sort of cause and effect scenario; me + tithe = blessing is en-tirely speculative. We have to move from the realm of speculation to the

realm of fact and practicality. People who learn how to give and make it a practice are fulfilled because the act of giving works on their heart. Giv-ing helps every one of us understand that what we have can be used to bless others. It allows us to see that we all have the same basic wants and needs, that we all fight the same struggles. This is tangible progress, effects that can be seen and measured over time. By entering into a Spirit of giving, we are implementing practices that give us fulfillment and allow us to fulfill the moral obligation we have to others.

“The individuals all felt that they had a duty to give willingly, and if they didn’t, guilt would settle in.”

“Year Without God”GOD IN

images.christianpost.com

Page 8: Volume 99, Issue 11

CONTEXT#thecollegian08

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Page 9: Volume 99, Issue 11

09HUMORLIFE

“A FOOLISH CONSISTENCY IS THE HOBGOBLIN OF LITTLE MINDS…”

lewisLAUREN

Humor Writer

thec

olleg

ian

SNAP

CHAT

Particularly precious perusers,

I hope everyone enjoyed his or her holiday season and break! My family Christmas was located in Seattle this year; we stayed downtown and ate tons of food and played very competitive games of Scrabble, Quiddler and poker. I learned a new word this year as I nearly beat my Aunt in Scrabble on Christmas Eve. On the verge of championship she played the word ‘witzelsucht’. As any normal person with an average sized vocabulary, I challenged and learned after losing, that witzelsucht means: “A manifestation of organic brain disease or tumors of the frontal cortex—in which a patient compulsively tells puns.” I wasn’t even mad, though I think many people at WWU may have the witzelsucht.

This Christmas, without surprise, I continued to be a terrible present-giver; in past years I have given such glorious gifts as: calendars of sexy

chickens, personal hot dog crispers, and a pregnant frog. Despite my terrible gift giving, Santa was very kind and surprised me with the NFL St. Louis Rams staying in the same hotel as us.

After the glorious Seahawks vs. Rams game, we returned to Portland for the closing of 2014. I don’t like New Year’s or its resolutions, mostly because New Year’s Eve NEVER holds up to the hype and each year I fail to keep my resolutions. However, as I wandered the streets of Portland on New Year’s Eve in search for fun, food and friends, I listened for whispers and conversations regarding New Year’s resolutions. Just for this article I asked Portland natives what they hoped to resolve after the clock struck 12. Feel special readers, these are just for you from Portland:

-I won’t cut my beard and I hope to double my beard comb collection.

-I won’t date strippers anymore, even if they’re vegan.

-I will percolate my coffee every morning. Screw you Starbucks!

-I will punch anyone with a ‘selfie stick.’

-I won’t hit a cyclist with my car… again.

-I will slap all foreigners who pronounce my state like OREEEEGONE.

If you have a resolution, I encourage you to stick with it. Unless your resolution is going to the gym, just stop now! The gym is way too busy and I want my stair steppers back! It’s ok, I whisper to myself, these suckers will soon fail … they will wave their NYR of exercising everyday goodbye with the first bite of free ASWWU maple bar/ doughnut (evil laugh). I beg you, if you don’t clear out of the gym, I will fail my classes, my grants will run out and I will have to resort to other dance-like activities to pay for school and probably end up dating that one guy I met in Portland. Until next week.

Sincerely,

That Girl Watching Netflix in the Library

P.S. If you didn’t notice, Friends is on Netflix. I’m on season three. No judgment, please.

10%off 1 entree

with valid student id

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dine-in, take-out, or delivery

The Title Game is back! The first to email me at [email protected], with the author of the title quote will win a homemade baked good. Yum! Goodluck!

Page 10: Volume 99, Issue 11

TELESCOPE

SCOPE

the kaleidoscopeNew discoveries, far and near. Songs, books, and art, it’s shared right here. MICROSCOPE

Nightmare Ending:Matthew Cooper, husband to

Jeannie Paske, is part of an ambient instrumental band,

Eluvium. Eluvium’s newest album, “Nightmare Ending,”

features album artwork created by the Paske and

offers ambient instrumental music that seems to

accompany the stories of Paske’s “Obsolete World.”

Combine the musical and visual works of this talented

couple for the ultimate experience.

Coldplay Live: Last spring Coldplay released

their newest album “Ghost Stories.” This last November the

band held an exclusive concert in a custom studio in Los

Angeles in order to produce a concert DVD and live recording.

The concert was performed in an intimate setting and

features eerie and “ghost-story appropriate” effects, portraying

the theme of the album quite well. Watch Coldplay

passionately perform the entire album in all of its mysterious

glory in this brand-new DVD/CD

Sky Gienger: At the young age of 15, this young musician

has an early start on a bright future in music. Gienger recently released a new single called

“Eternity,” which features slumbering acoustic guitar, soothing harmonies, and a heart-felt message. Explore

the works of this blooming artist on his YouTube channel “skygienger.”

OBSOLETE WORLDLIFECULTURE 10

When I was a child, I invented my own little fictional world. Like most children that age, my mind was still young enough to expand my imagination further than the present world I lived in. As a six-year-old, I had created an imaginary planet called Never-Heard Land. I used to sit in church with my little pad of paper and draw scenes from this amazingly named world, with doodles ranging from spaceship factories to mountain ranges with railroad tracks running through them. I had my own flag designed and a whole line of spaceships for the fine people of Never-Heard Land to fly. I would immerse myself in these little drawings while I sat in

the back seat during long car rides, pretending I was in one of those spaceships protecting the skies from evil UFOs that would occasionally attack the imaginary citizens.

But like everyone, I eventually outgrew my imagination and had to make room for more “important” stuff, such as school, math, and piano lessons. Every now and then I would revisit Never-Heard Land, but it just wasn’t the same; it was just scribbles on a piece of paper. I was accepting but disappointed in the fact that losing one’s imagination was just a part of growing up. That’s why I was so intrigued when I discovered “Obsolete World” an art series created by Jeannie Lynn Paske.

Residing in Portland, Ore., Paske dropped out of art school and worked at a record store in hopes of paying off her one year of college. After work, she would run home and hide away behind her drawing table, immersing herself in her world of watercolors and imagination. Her pieces reflect

the secret world of make-believe creatures formed in children’s minds that are sentenced to the crime of being “obsolete” when one grows old. She took it upon herself to preserve this world and the outcome is breathtaking.

Her artwork is more than just colors on a canvas; they tell stories — stories of a mournful yet hopeful society of once-believed creatures that perhaps search for what used to be. Each piece is accompanied by a title that recharges the imagination, almost as if to invite you in to this mysterious world and rediscover your childhood. However, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and perhaps these paintings don’t speak to you. But give them a look and try to enter the world of Jeannie Lynn Paske where emotions of sorrow, nostalgia, hope, and remembrance mix and paint themselves in this Obsolete World.

davisRIVER

Culture Writer

Check the entire collection at obsoleteworld.com/artwork

“Gathered To Dust”

“Epiphany”

“Last Night I Dreamed That I Was A Child Out Where The Pines Grow Wild And Tall”

Page 11: Volume 99, Issue 11

On the beach this last SeptemberLying underneath the waves

my velvet stone

6 weeks, Monday, since you left meRocking my head in the sand

just hide the moans

Lorretta you’re an islandon these icy pirate seas

I ran into your open palmsto find a little peace

Though I’m washed in bitter oceansstill have drunken sailor’s pride

Decrepit and abandoned by your washI’ll sail on high tide

On the beach I’m battered timberYet these trusty logs

can sail me home

I’ll go glide among the seagullsMaybe prowl along on the floor

see all the bones

Lorretta you’re an islandon these icy pirate seas

I ran into your open palmsto find a little peace

I’m washed in bitter oceansBut have drunken sailor’s pride

Decrepit and abandoned by your washI’ll sail on higher tides

Eric Weber

If you’d like to submit your poetry, prose,

songs, or any kind of creative writing, email me at abigail.wissink@

wallawalla.edu

WRITINGCreative

wissinkABIGAIL

Creative Curator

Sky Gienger: At the young age of 15, this young musician

has an early start on a bright future in music. Gienger recently released a new single called

“Eternity,” which features slumbering acoustic guitar, soothing harmonies, and a heart-felt message. Explore

the works of this blooming artist on his YouTube channel “skygienger.”

11CW/CWLIFE

Sabbath EyesI lightly brush concealer on my blemished

neck and hopeit hides the crimson marks from last

night's sins.

Two of us under the bare brown willownear the dark brick walls.

Doing the cha cha cha dancing the tango — dipping —

Then fallingfree as if a trap door to the Pacifichad opened and inhaled us, raw.

Water salt and gravityelectrolytic current pulling you and me

piece by piece to Hawaii

and back again.A little mascara,

Mahogany eyeliner tocomplement the flashing blues.

If anybody asks,Last night I was in church.

I was baptizedBible burning in my Sabbath eyes.

videovimeo.com/aswwu

Coming February 5.

We need rappers! Email [email protected]

if you’ve got skillz.

WISDOMCollegian

94-year-old man speeds through car wash at

40mph

Didn’t have time to towel-dry.

“In Dog We Trust” accidentally printed

on rugs in Florida Sheriff’s Office HQ

Has excellent

K9 unit.

IRS warns of refund delays and bad

customer service in 2015.

The IRS has customer service?

NZ navy in standoff with alleged poaching

vessels

You get ‘em, New Zealand!

3-year-old in stolen car finds mother’s

phone and calls for help

Kids these days.

Disney cruise ship saves man who fell off

another boat

Now he can be “Part of that World.”

BATTERED TIMBER A SONG

SABBATH EYES A POEM

To hear some of Nate’s catchy tunes, be sure to

check him out online!

facebook.com/NateStratteMusic

soundcloud.com/nate-stratte

BY NATE STRATTE

Page 12: Volume 99, Issue 11

LIFEFOOD 12

I’d love to get feedback from you! If you have

any comments or suggestions for recipes

you’d like to see featured, send me

an email at rachel.peterson@ wallawalla.edu

BAKEDZUCCHINI CHIPS

INGREDIENTS

:

1. 1 zucchini, thinly sliced

2. 1 tbsp. olive oil

3. 1 tsp. sea salt

PETERSONRACHEL

Food Writer Preheat the oven to 215° F. Remove the ends of the zucchini and cut the rest of the zucchini into thin slices (approximately ¼ in. thick). Lay the slices on a greased baking sheet. Bake in the oven for 2 hours. Flip slices over after 1 hour. Slices will shrink dramatically.

Leftovers (if there are any) can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days. I recommend dipping the chips in a roasted garlic aioli sauce or ranch dressing.

For even crispier chips, follow same process but slice zucchini with a peeler in even strips. Reduce cooking time to 30 minutes, flipping slices over halfway through, but monitor closely to prevent burning.

INSTRUCTIONS

FeatureRECIPE BAKED ZUCCHINI CHIPS

Photos and adapted recipe from mywholefoodlife.com.

It’s a new year and many of you have resolved to be healthier. A great way to achieve your perfect health goal is by breaking it down into smaller goals to make your end goal more attainable. One such smaller goal could be to swap highly processed snack foods for veggies. Over the Christmas break I tried zucchini chips for the first time and just let me say, they are highly addictive and much better for you than potato chips! This recipe does take more time than most of the recipes I’ve shared, but these chips are well worth the wait.

VEGAN

GLUTEN-FREE

PALEO

LOW CARB

Page 13: Volume 99, Issue 11

13FASHIONLIFE

FASHION FUNNIES

hartwickALYSSA

Fashion Writer

GASP!

The funniest of fashion memes brought to you by the one who takes it all way too seriously.

THE PICKY SHOPPER TURNEDENTREPRENEUR UHH. SELF-EXPLANATORY.

THE PERFECT PLAY ON WORDS

THE FASHIONISTA(O) ENTRY KEY WE ALL KNOW THAT FACE.

Page 14: Volume 99, Issue 11

LIFESCIENCE 14

Entertainment is bad at science. It’s a fairly well-known fact. Much of this is permissible by the genre — fantasies certainly compel the viewer to take their lame premises at face value. Of course, this dynamic gets thrown out the window when the writers decide to make science-ish explanations for the happenings. While movies typically have no standards, some Hollywood mechanics are just so bad that they deserve to be publicly shamed. Let’s look at a few:

Parts 1 & 2: Problems of Scale

Godzilla would crumble under its own weight. Why? Because, as it turns out, increasing the size of something increases the length of it in three dimensions, increasing its volume (and in turn weight) exponentially more. So if an object is doubled in size, its volume is multiplied by eight. The formula for this is V’ = sf^3*V, where V’ is the scaled volume, sf is the scale factor, and V is the original volume.1 The cross-sectional area, however, merely quadruples when the scale is doubled, since area follows the formula A’ = sf^2*A. Since axial stress

looks something like stress = force/area, the fact that the force caused by an increase in weight increases more than the increased area means that, at some high-enough scale factor, the object would not be able to support itself. Consequentially, the bones and musculature of a giant lizard, big green man, or rock-em-sock-em-looking mech (here’s looking at you, Pacific Rim), would not be strong enough to support their hosts, even if they do look totally believable at normal size.

Not convinced? Here are some calculations to illustrate the point. Let’s say Achilles has a heel-bone with area of about 1 in^2, and a weight (and corresponding volume) of 160 pounds and 2.8 ft^3, respectively. Bone has a strength of 170 MPa (24.7 ksi)2 under compression. So if Achilles decides to stand on one foot, the axial stress on the bone would be S = P/A = 160 lbf / 1 in^2 = 0.16 ksi. If Achilles was 200x as tall (about 1200 ft), however, the story would be different, since his weight would then be 160 pounds 200)^3 = 1,280,000,000 pounds, and the cross-sectional area of his bone would be 1 in^2 *(200)^2 = 40,000 in^2. As a result, the stress in his heel from just standing would be S = 1,280,000,000 pounds /40,000 in^2 = 32,000 psi or 32 kpsi, which would break the bone, since it is over the 24.7 ksi compressive strength. While this illustration of the principle seems to be fairly permissive with scale factors (he’d pretty much be OK up until he gets skyscraper-sized 600 feet by this metric), a more detailed stress analysis

would likely have his heel breaking something much sooner.

Of course, sometimes scaling gets so messed up that it isn’t even consistent with itself. This is the case with Spider-Man, who is supposed to have the proportionate strength of a spider. Spiders, as it is supposed, are able to lift things that weigh much more than they do. So a person with the proportional strength of a spider should be able to lift much more than their own weight, right? Wrong. That’s not how proportionalities work. An actual proportionality would be: S’/d’ = S/d. Rearranging would yield S’ = S*sf, where S’ is the new “proportional” strength, S is the original stress, and sf is the scaling factor. If you compare this with the work done in the previous paragraph, you’ll find with some algebra it actually turns out to be the same as just changing the size of the spider, meaning a person with the “proportional strength” of a spider would have all the same problems as a spider scaled up to human sized — they’d probably just crumble under their own weight. While Spider-Man’s “proportional strength” issue isn’t all that bad by itself, it makes even less sense when you realize that it takes place in the same comic-book universe as Ant Man, a superhero who retains the full power of a man when he shrinks down to ant-size (Ant Man himself doesn’t make much sense either — “in reality” he would actually appear to be much stronger at a small size — but he wouldn’t retain all of his full-size strength). How is

that supposed to work? What happens if Ant Man gets bitten by a spider, or Spider-Man gets in the Ant Man suit? In a self-consistent universe, the powers undo each other, but, as the powers have been written, Spider-Man in the Ant Man suit would just be an ant that can lift buses, which is ridiculous.

Part 3: The “Powered by Sunlight” superheroes

There are a couple of superheroes who are supposed to get their power from the sun. The two I can think of are Bird Man (an awesome cartoon superhero with wings and a booming voice), and Superman in Man of Steel. At first, it seems to make a bit of sense: there’s power in sunlight — about 120 watts per square meter.3

The average surface area of a man is 1.9 square meters. Assuming one-half of that surface area captures usable power (only one side can face the sun at a time), that leaves 114 watts. For comparison, an average human male’s metabolic rate is 1679 calories per day, or 81.3 watts. Activity can range between 2309 kcal/day to 3190 kcal/day, or from 112 watts to 151 watts.4 What does this mean? It means the power from the sun could keep someone fairly active throughout the day without needing to eat (if the sun was also up throughout the night, anyway), which is a pretty cool feat — but it’s not going to be enough to power flight or heat vision continuously. The smallest ultralight engine I can find quickly produces 50 hp, or 36,700 watts.5 While it would

definitely take less power to make just a person fly, chances are it would be in the thousands-of-watts range and not the hundreds-of-watts range, and perhaps even more to fly at the speeds they show in the movies. It’s really a moot point, though, since no energy-storage mechanism is really shown for these superpowers and no real mechanic of converting that power into heat vision or flight or whatever other power they ought to have at the moment.

Of course, the list of problematic supposedly science-based mechanics could go on for a very long time. At some point you may have found this article to be a bit nit-picky — after all, who cares? It’s just entertainment, right? It is, but these lapses in describing how the world works are just one of many ways entertainment has failed to provide us with believable stories. Instead of showing us how the world works and what we can learn from it, popular entertainment gives us a bite-sized feel-good message following a series of fortunate but highly improbable events in a world that emphasizes style over substance and hand-waving over explanation. Here’s hoping we don’t fall for it. 1 The guy who figured this out was Galileo himself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square-cube_law2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki Bone#Mechanical3 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunlight4 http://www.wolframalpha.com5 http://www.hirth-motoren.de/en/ul-aircraft-engines.html

SURPRISINGLY NOT SUPPORTED BY SCIENCE!SUPERHEROES:

hulseDANIEL

Science Writer

thebiblestoryteller.com

Page 15: Volume 99, Issue 11

LIFE15SPORTS/TRAVEL

pierceSHANNON

Travel Writer

Those are the words from Fall Out Boy’s ruthlessly played song “Centuries” that has followed College Football all season. And while the specifics from Monday’s championship game may soon be forgotten, this year’s inaugural College Football Playoff was a huge breakthrough, and will leave a memorable mark on the sport.

The Ohio State defeated the Oregon Ducks 42-20 to win the championship and truly went on an improbable run to make it happen.

I’m not going to call the Buckeyes third-string quarterback, Cardale Jones’ performance improbable – because that kid is just talented. Rather, I want to take a look at the playoff system, and how Ohio State was able to arrive and walk away champions.

On September 6, earlier this season, Ohio State found themselves on the losing side of a 35-21 defeat against Virginia Tech. This was a huge blow to Ohio State’s playoff chances at the time. For three reasons: Virginia Tech was viewed as an underwhelming team, the Buckeyes were already without their starting quarterback, Braxton Miller, who was injured for the season, and there were several other undefeated teams whom Ohio State would have to climb over to get back into the playoff conversation.

However, the defeat against Virginia Teach would serve as a springboard as the Buckeyes bounced back the following week for a 66-0 victory over Kent State, and the team would go onto to beat several other opponents handily.

The first College Football playoff ranking (a preview listing which four teams would be in the playoffs should

the season end that week) was released on October 28, and the Buckeyes found themselves ranked 16, among the very bottom of teams that had lost one game.

A win against a higher ranked Michigan State team, as well as a convincing victory over rival University of Michigan, would slot Ohio State into the fifth spot, and on the outside looking in with one week to go in the season. Behind Alabama, Oregon, TCU, and Florida State, the Buckeyes would need one of those teams to lose in the final regular season week, or would need to put together a very impressive performance in their BigTen Conference championship game against Wisconsin to be considered for the national playoff. Also, they would have to do this without their backup quarterback J.T. Barrett who was now out indefinitely with a broken ankle.

None of those higher ranked teams would lose that week, but Ohio State destroyed Wisconsin 59-0, and that was enough to leapfrog them in front of TCU and into the playoff.

A date with number one ranked Alabama awaited the Buckeyes in the semi-final. A very daunting task facing a program coached by Nick Saban that is viewed in some circles as a dynasty, but Ohio State and their third string quarterback Cardale Jones were not fazed. 42-35 was the final score of that game, and the Buckeyes made Alabama’s SEC defense look lackluster, as running back Ezekiel Elliot ran for 230 yards and 2 touchdowns pushing Ohio State into the championship game.

Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota was the best player in College Football and the Heisman Trophy winner in 2014. Mariota, along with the high octane Oregon offense rolled over defending champs Florida State in their semi-final matchup. This would be the third consecutive extremely difficult game Ohio State would be up against, and Oregon is a team that can completely take control of a game if their opponent is not careful.

What we realized is, Ohio State

is just an extremely talented team. They were able to slow down Mariota and the Ducks with a very physical defense, led by a strong linebacker core. Elliot and Jones were dynamic on offense, collecting first downs, and scoring seemingly at will. I can’t forget to mention Ohio State’s head coach, Urban Meyer. One of the best coaches in the game, he has been instrumental in getting this program back onto the map, and leading them to victory.

Under the old BCS Championship system, the top two ranked teams advanced directly to the championship and there was always a little skepticism if maybe the number three of four ranked teams were really the better product. Not the case this year, Ohio State closed Monday evening as National Champions and finally, there should be no doubt as to who the best team in College Football is.

REMEMBER ME

wagnerSports Writer

ALEX

To travel is to

Grow through experience and

Find new beginnings

With the holidays,

We find adventure calling

To us, “simply go.”

We jump in the plane,

And leave our fears behind us

Hoping to find truth.

The truth that there’s life

After the quarter. That we

Survived the classes.

It’s easy to see

The sights and sounds through tourist

Eyes; but is that all?

So simply, we find

The road less traveled for the

Experiences.

Exotic food, views

Of the city, and people

Are waiting for you.

As Dr. Seuss wrote,

“You have brains in your head. You

Have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

Any direction you choose.

You are on your own.”

With the sun kissing

Your face and the breeze teasing

Your hair, just sit back.

Sit back and relax,

Because this trip of yours is

Your perfect escape.

TRAVEL HAIKU

FOR CENTURIES

bleacherreport.com

desh

ow.n

et

hngn.com

definitely take less power to make just a person fly, chances are it would be in the thousands-of-watts range and not the hundreds-of-watts range, and perhaps even more to fly at the speeds they show in the movies. It’s really a moot point, though, since no energy-storage mechanism is really shown for these superpowers and no real mechanic of converting that power into heat vision or flight or whatever other power they ought to have at the moment.

Of course, the list of problematic supposedly science-based mechanics could go on for a very long time. At some point you may have found this article to be a bit nit-picky — after all, who cares? It’s just entertainment, right? It is, but these lapses in describing how the world works are just one of many ways entertainment has failed to provide us with believable stories. Instead of showing us how the world works and what we can learn from it, popular entertainment gives us a bite-sized feel-good message following a series of fortunate but highly improbable events in a world that emphasizes style over substance and hand-waving over explanation. Here’s hoping we don’t fall for it. 1 The guy who figured this out was Galileo himself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square-cube_law2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki Bone#Mechanical3 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunlight4 http://www.wolframalpha.com5 http://www.hirth-motoren.de/en/ul-aircraft-engines.html

thebiblestoryteller.com

Page 16: Volume 99, Issue 11

GIVING 110%

the Other Cheek

HaikuVERBATIM

INTERVIEW

“I’ll drive you crazy in this class; it’s my job. I love my job.”

- Professor Linda Emmerson

““

REVIEW

“Pretty soon, Satan starts up a genetic engineering farm.”

- Professor Joe Galusha, on dinosaurs

With a new quarter more haikus have arrived! Send in your guesses to [email protected]

What is your favorite thing to do on the weekend in

Walla Walla?

“You remind me of my mother, because she’s got a little dementia and a little OCD.”

- Professor Brandon Beck, to Johnel Lagabon

wissinkABIGAIL

Backpage Writer

I have been deprivedof these little pictures tillnow. Who knew having

a smartphone could changehow you text so much? I hope

it’s not obnoxious.

If you hear something funny, cringe-worthy, or that could be hilarious out of context, send the quote to me! [email protected]

“Pet kitties at the Humane Society”- Carlee Walker

“Sitting at the top of Whitman Mission and looking at the stars on a clear night.”

- Tyler Masden

“Watch movies. Last weekend I watched The Hobbit and it was the best.”

- Kassi Turk

“Visible light: Useful for looking at Beyoncé.” - Professor Anthony Smith

Word of warning, friends: this one’s gonna be about myself, which is really all I can think about right now. Read on and you’ll see why.

This last weekend, I was attacked. I awoke on Friday with a headache and a feeling of general dread. After I gave myself a pep talk that essentially sounded like “Come on, Abby, you’re stronger than this. It’s only week one. You’re going to get out of this bed and you’re going to get dressed and you’re going to BE FINE,” I finally forced myself to stand up. This is when I realized that I was under siege. My next memory of this fateful Friday morning was me, shivering next to my space heater, thinking, “Maybe I have a fever.” Yes indeedy, friends. And not just your average fever, either: this bad boy lasted for three days. It completely incapacitated me. Not that I had any other plans besides sitting in my bed and watching Parks and

Recreation this weekend anyway, but I wanted to do it on my terms, doggone it!

I’ve discovered in recent years that I am like the Andy Dwyer of sickness: I will milk it for all it’s worth and make you feel sorry for me every step of the way. A few summers ago I was in the city of Mazatlán in Sinaloa, Mexico, for a few days with a friend. I didn’t feel the best on our drive into town, and when I woke the next morning I had the same feeling of dread I experienced a few days ago. I was convinced, however, that I was fine and could tough out an adventure through the city (note: this convincing took food, what felt like twenty minutes of obnoxious ukulele freestyling, and approximately five minutes of pouting on my friend’s part. Like I said, I’m a wimp). We were on our way, though, and even though I stopped about every ten minutes for fear of passing out and for a good bout of whining, we bussed and walked our way through this beautiful city for two days. Our entire road trip lasted about two months, and those two days still stand near the top of the list of favorite memories. I worked

through how awful I felt to fully live the experience of being in this fantastic city and all it had to offer, including white sandy beaches, dancing the night away in the town square with cute old couples, and eating one of the best quesadillas I’ve ever had.

I didn’t have near as much fun in my sickness this last weekend as I did that summer, and I may look back on that experience with more fondness than it deserves, but the fact that I didn’t let an opportunity pass that I know I would have regretted makes all the whining worth it, in my opinion. In the words of our friend Andy Dwyer, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that once on a can of lemonade. I think it applies to life.” “You remind me of my mother, because

she’s got a little dementia and a little OCD.”

- Professor Brandon Beck, to Johnel Lagabon