ii

for my Charlotte and Mr. Frayud

iii

W A R R I O R S

Neila Mezynski

iv

Copyright © 2014 by Neila Mezynski All Rights Reserved

ISBN: 978-1-937739-41-6

Published by Deadly Chaps

New York, NY 2014

DCs4NM|2|

Cover & Book Design by Joseph A. W. Quintela

http://www.deadlychaps.com

v

C O N T E N T S

Warriors VI

Burning Bridges Behind In Front X

House She Built` XVI

Warriors II XIX

Warriors III XXIII

Warriors IV XXVIII

Diary of Mad Girls XXXI

vi

W A R R I O R S

vii

Lipstick

I.

Her hand, her throat. They might not think see under the

light bulb in the middle of the room harsh harsh sweet

Charlotte, Blanche, her. Hide. No kindness there or

stranger, her. She said there is no peace up there out

front. Forget. She can put her forehead on the

note/sound sweet. True. Forget lipstick throat them him,

you can make the sound with notes and words. She’ll do

it right and have some peace in the forgetting in the no

peaceful place of becoming.

II.

Better kinder, not the one when you had just reapplied

the red stuff, blindingly good fresh and forgetful, unkind

window, no red, only, remember. Fluttering eyes pass by.

Up and down. Remember. Put the lid on you she demon.

As long as juice is there. Red.

III.

Skirt pressed stocking too straight thinking just right.

Someone will notice she has everything the way they

want nothing out of place. Give me. She has. Only. Earring

on before breakfast. She looks good if you drop in

unexpected. Always. They say nice things pay compliments

on time every right time she needs it always, front room

down the street the kitchen, lettuce bean carrot store.

Aisle. In the. Notice. Her. Dream. Hold tight. They smell

the need smell won’t give it, specially then, hold nice tight

viii

to their chest. Don’t. Won’t. Rigid. Tight. Lip. Crease. Cozy

evening, ship. Left. Better go to choir practice where she

opens mouth burst heart forth with cleansing healing song

down near socks. Peace and joy. Remember. Try. Lipstick

on, no need for reapply, if you are real good, pretend.

IV.

Radiance. Look. See. No sweat or shine or unappetizing

smell coming through those pearly pits, unfulfilled flesh on

a evil hot summer night the house fill with childish men

running through the length chasing her in short shorts

while other her busy keeping it going, cheery banter,

kitchen chili crowd, enthralled with others who don’t

spend their lives chasing numbers them unwilling into

square holes. When their bodies woke up to the smell of

powder lipstick and combed hair in front of their eye

nose they were an unrestrainable lot. Playing piano

pushing each other off of seat to get next to short

shorts. He said no thank you, the unreachable one she

want, he like small one better. If only she had.

Charlotte of the Ruins

Open chest burst forth. Sing fresh whole sweet. Fill ‘er up.

Snake sidewind into her house hid back there behind box

of don’t forget 'til she remember. Scream when she do.

Get out. Stay sit, sit stay, me he. Quiet. Swallow. Him.

Lipstick earrings straight seams, only outside, No one

home. Inside. Quiet now. Seep. Ooze. Cram.

ix

Even If

Says he’s already married without so much as a phone

call to buy flowers and pretend smiles she didn’t even

then go retouch Cherry Red even then when her eyes

drip down her face on fresh apply powder she didn’t

when he was at the front door that autumn evening stars

out gentle pretty, she had already gone to play in the

black velvet magic even then when he said he’ll live, no

kids a blessing, she didn’t reapply. Progress.

Even When

He came to sit hold hands stare deep into eyes manifest

wide wondering what she look like, Sarah B. did a pretty

good mad scene, she could try, Cherry Red beckons.

Hard to talk without. On and on about different stage of

grief, she nods. In the sacred moment of grief struck

neighbors in living room all dress up no one looking

really except him who left for good, up above she hopes.

He would understand, her time traveler, but probably not

this new one. Sitting staring disbelief. Not care. Enough.

Sorry. Pretend. She held his head and said don’t be

afraid but he was and he did, leave. Even. Look good on

the outside. Matters. No one home, inside.

x

B U R N I N G B R I D G E S B E H I N D I N

F R O N T

xi

Magic

His Valentino good looks, able to find each other fast in

the little brick house where the babies come. Green suit

sparkle buttons red hair bun. Tight. Sit at her feet beside

new pinkly one. Don’t touch. One by one. Follow him

down the path don’t get lost in the air when he throw

you over head, might not get down. Miss all the fun of

finding it.

Bejeweled

Some spectacular stroke of luck, not knowing, don’t have

to where what for how the washer machine or matching

dryer work, she will do it, other she, will. Her carefully

applied lipstick and other unworldly things she puts on

her face hair all day in time for the magic of yes he

called, to hide the not caring of who cares, knowing she

will, do it. All.

Bad Driving

Two long talls, one trouble. Don’t have time for open

chest burst forth. Put those singing demons to work

dusting cleaning chopping mopping, don’t have time to

make trouble for too much heart sing miss. All day keep

them out of the clutches of success. Talls. Too easy to

xii

go the straight and narrow much better to do it the long

wrong way. Plenty of woebegone then. Big defeat.

Towering Inferno

Stay out of there or get eaten alive, have your head

remove at least, like when she said mother hen don’t pay

her bills on time when she was only 10, suggestible, easy,

tears, she come running back with eyes dripping nose

wailing, bared. Owner of the head removal group: you

stay here- she stalk into that studio where her precious

twinkle toes march right up to that front desk took hold

that frilly blouse on peroxide head snap back said come

with me. She certainly did smoothing that frousy hair as

she run behind mother hen. Apologize. Now. She did.

More ways to forget chest bursting sweet.

Cornered in Pink

One time too many. Snap. Off like a shot from hell in the

dark chase the foul mouth baby humiliater terminator her

a thing or two through the prickly pear Sahara breathing

fiery dragon pit from hell running all over the nowhere to

go desert of frustration and end back in the room of

pink upheaval and pubescent devil worship. Age 13,

prickly wonder dreams and bring the tweezers. Hurry.

xiii

Child-Like

To stand hold hands maybe a quick peck on the cheek

no one knew what else next but there in the small

cramped spot of heaven, listen to what next in midst of

coats hats musky umbrella, smell, wet, no one knew what

else, next. Closet dream.

Heartbreak Cake

He didn’t call when she wanted it, not behave how when

she wanted it. Froze out there on the way to him, care

not a fig, only a birthday cake from them who did. Run

out fast as she can don’t look at their face stay moving

when and until he would. Call. If. A long wait when she

could have eaten cake with them who did. Care. Had it

too. Cake. Buttercream.

Mama Bear Without

Being out in the cold cruel world at least a week, the

new unavoidable marriage. Should have stayed toughed it

out, took a break instead like all children do when the

going gets going, they go, look forward to resting her

head on the Mama breast of all’s well when take care.

Of. Cornered in the kitchen they struck, the visitor vipers

who knew best, specially his kind, had it out with the new

married baby, nasty charges, tears, mama in a second

xiv

(New York probably, Alabama too slow), thrown out on

their visiting best intention trouble making butt, don’t

come back. Upset baby. Shoo.

Even Then

She come home on the bus in her mini belly bottom big

knowing who’s in there, tears choking her mouth. Nice

trip. Her confidence in being a person with an idea who

did the wash dry cycle, dishes in the lettuce carrot onion

aisle, who cared, who waited in her own chest missing

the burst forth of sweetness from her throat. Find it. Get

her some. Practice.

Mountains to Mount

No easy task hidden in that tiny hole wedged. Airless. No

return only one way out. Sorry. Words that cut off your

air supply make your throat swell lips tingle with un-

apprehended indignity awash of get ready here it comes.

Ease up top where the fresh is, new think air, out of tired

brain stodge locked in place for years. Her on the sofa

with blazing eyes ready for I’m leaving now while she's

approaching the stairway of no return. Come back. Sit

back down beside the disbelieving one and resume them

that triggered the dive into smell de-feet.

xv

Independence Day

The big city in search of real with a little magic mixed in.

State in mind that magic thing. She still don’t know where

washer/dryer how why when where, but she’s ready.

Lipstick only once. Try.

Well-Wisher

Sat by her bed all day no one else twisting eyes hands

nails. Can’t wait to get out, she stayed. No polite no

pretend no lipstick just stayed, once is all you need.

Near, next, right. No one else. Her. Indisputable.

Unwavering. Wait for the phone call that didn’t ever come.

Forget. Please. Stay in seat unmoving from chair as close

as she could get without climbing up there beside her

which she did when no one looked except the other way.

Hold on. Her relieved belly being there when they said

she didn’t, care, other one knew not true. Gibraltar.

xvi

H O U S E S H E B U I L T

xvii

Stick

They break, she didn’t in the face of, they burn she did

plenty of see the red hair bad luck back, stay up off the

ground if you can on both feet, they’ll huff and puff, blow

away or wish they did, wound as tight as her braids she

did by hand by her. Hands. Brittle. Careful.

Stone

Knock some sense into it, her head, buried in sand.

Aboveboard, out in the fresh sun dry powder, never mind

lipstick. Know no normal never again, she said. Not that

blind apparently. They’ll learn at the house of hard rocks.

Bend like reeds in the wind, cousin Larry said.

Glass

Transparent. 3D. On stage. Like. Looking and listening

they were, glass to the window. She can handle it with

her hair in place earring on belly hid. Stand in the

window open mouth wide shriek like banshee after she’s

gone. Crazy. Care. Pretend.

xviii

Charlotte of the House

Hands in her lap just the way her mind took her lived

her. She moved thought, did. As. Maintain her machine.

Pretend do, pretend become. Charlotte.

dreams

real

lipstick

not,

oh.

xix

W A R R I O R S I I

xx

Don’t Look

I.

He told her said dear girl, lay hand heavy on the white

eyed sheet, thin so thin, not afraid as one might think.

He had past slipped his arm round her waist to her

annoyance always, up here not there, sweet eyes

exploring, her, his girl, she wish he might try again, see it

for how it really what is. Now. He on past sofa in grim

squashed room, the ramshackle hotel across from there,

came to rescue her from the clutches of defeat, take her

home to new friendly safe where things are predictable

kind, take my car, keep it you’ll need it, money. Low moo

sound gentle disappointed always in her his it. Dear sweet

girl, you look like a whore. Quiet. Afraid of what might

say in his unpredictable mind place, didn’t, now. Held his

quiet hand large on wide eyed sheet, disbelieving on his

lips, half smile gone mind. His. Understand. How. She.

II. You don’t have to

Life and death certainly it is certain death if you don’t,

why bother. You. Don’t. Stay. Yours to paint in forever

yours, here, your own. Place nice. Sit. Stay please.

Looking, not while she was there, pretend he wasn’t

anyhow she knew. He was. Watching. Her. It. Took it to

far corner of the room. Hide. Eyes. From, line down the

middle. Need. Small room not space like Wyoming, far

away. Under my nose. You. Get it right. Throw the bum

out. He wouldn’t, didn’t, couldn’t. If it’s real it gets you in

the gut. No brain. No worry. You don’t have to he said.

xxi

Stay. No. Won’t, don’t. Always there they weren’t he was.

Life and death. Certainly. Sweet bitter. Pea green. Walls.

Bare bottom that’s all. Not a whimper.

III. Give it away don’t

Always consistent. Too much energy. He said. Hoard.

Precious. Juice. Use it. Those cut feelings who cares.

Good for something hard not everyone can do, plow

canvas word piano, violin, trombone soufflé. Be juice,

whore. Get it any way, you can. Solid like marble rock no

fat though. Lean firm that place where knives don’t cut

except to trim fat. Plenty. Fat. Pretty smile gentle round.

Don’t disappoint. Give you his anything, give it all at once

you, then some. Sit on a rock catch your breath, high

altitude battering ram, dust those short shorts shake out

moppet head get back up to even thinner air. Bone.

Distilled rarified pure sweet smell, see if you want to shed

a tear, dance a jig, stroke his/her head. Make something.

IV. Them John Waynes

No matter, her him. Rein the gloved hand silk pink

wrinkle. Those sunbonnets beg to be pushed back reveal

a face of non contrite set ripe for fearless face of. Both.

Contrary.

V. Apparently they did

John, Clint who care dare show the world and anyone

who. Sit on a rock he’ll catch your breath. Take you up

high apparently they did, him, them, etc.

xxii

VI. You don’t have to

he said she heard

give it away.

soft.

xxiii

W A R R I O R S I I I

xxiv

Traveling Charlotte

I. The Abyss

Say hello, be near impossible put on nice contemplating,

things they don’t can’t know without practice of course,

Freddie said, prepare to be disappointed, they she can

play and wear it like a new dress which tends to wear

itself until you get the hang of the lay of the land, her,

so it won’t choke cut off any new ideas she might be

attempting to try out on, record broke, they don’t won’t

understand. Til they do.

II. Broke Glass

Car loaded for bar, how much longer than one minute

past the last you ask, wind in auburn hair do you love

me, truck too close, only when he is there does it make

sense, anything, glass in back, everyone okay, you ask.

Do you still love me, how much, it’s all over you ask you

have glass in your hair does it hurt, when will you be

home you ask all over, wash it wash it now wash it out.

Him. Just like the slivers of it on the back seat, shards.

Her. Charlie can you get up can you, sharps in auburn,

Don’t cry. She will.

III. Concho Charlotte

Pack him up pots included baby makes four to the hills

ye land lubber, no water there only golf course fat

polyester wallet, always wash 'em so they’ll last longer,

nothing to do but dodge those balls water grass keep

away doctors drink plenty fluids. Try not to fight when

xxv

she climbs through cupboards she’ll put them back not

necessarily in order. Walk down the path for arrowheads

and other memorabilia to have for after. Turn back to

see the yellow man with eyes wide with disbelief, fear.

Smile.

IV. Charlotte Giacometti

Large as she leaves near as she fars, all the same, must

be the water or just being short.

Hold still while he shapes, puts where he needs her. Stay.

Can’t pin the size down. He says. Just needs. What. Don’t

cry She will be there at the end it doesn’t matter how

near far or in between. You’ll probably be quite large then

going south.

V. Charlotte RV

Her in her wee bed surrounded by toy ball games, her

silver head plumped on pillows playing nearby not far to

be close unlike her and her escape hatch at the ready.

Three shades of green in the hills, not as dark as the

bile, up the flower hill that spewed forth relief inside the

eight wheel monster soon to be her new best friend.

Stretch out, nice cup of tea inside the eight wheeler her

new best friend. Feel better.

VI. Charlotte Tree

She being a tree needing water, water scarce, come

over, see her, color and touch, her, not enough

mountains are him, don’t get out much anymore, lights

xxvi

too bright might fall in a hole, dark, lost too easy, crowd

more lonely. Get out. Once at least, day time is good not

too many chipmunks with broken legs can’t see, but

plenty of moose. Don’t have to. Once is enough.

Chipmunk. Day not as long as lights out. Carry suitcase in

the middle of the night puny arms don’t ask. Help.

Escaping from too much green. Okay if enough water.

Please go home. Take me. Angry mountain with needles

sticking in. Press down on those arms. Yellow things. She

may have to go search for Mohammed if he won’t come,

here. Mountain. Fend off sheets not clean. Take them to

the mall. Plenty of water there for a tree. Green.

Charlotte Saghuaro

Prickly pear she done got herself so angry she spew

rattlesnake poison all over the desert or at least the car

with her scrunched over there like a naughty child taking

the beating guilty as charged Charlotte in progress, that

glass almost half full with poison or prickly cholla cactus

because he left her and not coming back. Don’t get near

the cholla, it tends to jump and stick and cling and go in

deeper and the blood starts seeping out you can’t grab

hold it gets sticky and stickier. Have to get the tweezers.

Angry. Same. Not coming back.

xxvii

Charlotte Rose

Sat beside her with her for her there her. For. Ever.

xxviii

W A R R I O R S I V

xxix

Becoming Charlotte

I. Charlotte Grocery Store

Look like yes they did, become no one home, must be in

the deep set grocery aisle eye soup to nut aisle. She

want to be like her except not in the look department

drop dead gorgeous department no hope there

department. Where. No chignon sparkle button red on

head. Large of eye. Bulldog. Never mind the tight squeeze

they’re working on that he said, just don’t leave the sofa,

safe, or get in large places like the painted desert might

get grouchy and everyone will go home.

II. Charlotte Mirror, Mirror

Almost now, come. Everything does you know come when

you are laughing, maybe best not. Laugh. Stop that

Charlie in your way. Just keep trying to get up out of

your chair with your knobble knee or better yet take it

with you to your small community with a population of

twelve. He’ll keep making fun of him and making people

laugh over there better intentions. Does he know he is

funny. Do not laugh. She’ll miss him when they are there

and he’s not, a buffer against they’re mean she said then

glass flew all over. She still looks like him. Could hardly

wait til he came home to talk even when she didn’t look

like her anymore. Hear. No need to yell, stop that Charlie,

she does it too with a cough not a laugh. Night light

bright light night, no flat tire, no hair muss no suspect

mirror laying in wait, car window booby trap. Stay with

deep set. No craziness there. Almost.

xxx

III. Charlotte Became

The same. How did it. Two plus two make one. That’s

how. Shopping finished hair dye bought no need to

change. Can’t. Can you. Try. All the same sweetness.

Bulldog. Same.

Almost

become

now.

Okay.

xxxi

D I A R Y O F M A D G I R L S

xxxii

I.

Even as if ants go up her arm and nerves whilst packing

her/his stuff for the long haul up there to where he

loved best, more than her, even if, and those pots pans

forks plates spoons cups necessary to make life natural

while they wait, he sits there sick and yellow, resemble

you kitten, wait, she load up the car and get him and

theirs in there just so he can for maybe a few more

times water his grass he loves in front of that adobe

saguaro prickly pear house golf course in back balls

flying every which, duck, she will because she loves him,

those nerves short of fuse already lit, her restraint. His.

II.

Hers. Now. Voice strong when she was young and strong

now still as if she was when he told her only one week

and other she believed it. Impatient. She took her home

and put her flat in bed no movement except for arms

that hug that flat empty body of wait one week. More.

She’ll choose a song that no one sang when time was

right all lined up in a row of woebegone crocodile skirt

and blouse and purse to look good for when she left for

good. Are you waiting for the book to be read finished

she asked, the new flat waiter said no in the flat voice

body. The sun streamed into the flower room whilst she

grit her teeth and bared her _, raised up to meet it in

the flat body don’t touch she flinch so as not to have to

stay any longer, her love for the other so powerful if she

xxxiii

touched her she might have to stay somewhat longer

than she could properly bear. She, in a hurry, both.

III.

She stayed having both of them and herself to know even

if, she was somewhat lacking good grace tolerance and

shame, guilt is a wonderful thing making up for knowing

those thoughts and words so bad. Finished? Chekhov said

we want them to move it along hurry it up, maybe it’s for

what we’ll do or be or see when the dream is not, real

the permanence of hurry up sits on her chest like Dumbo

and all his baggage. Heavy.

xxxiv

A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S Mud Luscious Press A Minor Artifice Upstairs At Duroc

xxxv

xxxvi