washington college student magazine - the collegian - nov 2005

8/9/2019 Washington College Student Magazine - The Collegian - Nov 2005

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Volume 17 Number 2 November 2005

The

The Garden State That Tried Too Hard Lots Of Scots Shakespeare Vs. EinstieDrink Outside 20 Ways To Make Your Parents Pay NY Fashion Freak-O

CollegianI feel as though

Im running on ahamster wheel in

an Arizona attic.


2/20

Manife

stFeatures

Peter Knox

Editor-in-Chief

Kate Amann

Layout Editor

Lindsay Bergman

Assistant Layout Editor

Alicia Henry

Photography Editor

Will Grofic

Features Editor

Johanna Schaeffer

Copy Editor

Megan Walburn

Assistant Copy Editor

Molly E. Weeks

Business Manager

Reilly Joret

Distribution Manager

Additional Contributors

Rene Farrah

Wes SchantzKarri Bragg

Liam Daley

Cindy Brown

Kim Last

Lauren Campbell

Becky Streaker

Jackson Ferrell

Chas LiBretto

Celeste Stanley

Collegian

The

Department

...on the cove

Issue Photo Credits:

Peter Knox, Liam Daley, Cindy Brown

Lindsay Bergman, Kaitlin Wedge, www bluecastle.com, www.halloweenstre

com, www.buycostumes.com, www.shel-

toweehikes.com, static.flickr.com, www

gatewaynmra.org, www.varley.net, www

bigfoto.com, www.bo.iasf.cnr.it, www

synlube.com, static.flickr.com, www

cduniverse.com, www.stereoboard.com

www.xxlmusic.sp.ru, www.womenss-

portslink.com, www.ultimategiftsonline

com, lennthompson.typepad.com, www

ocregister.com, www.mtholyoke.edu

4Sweating to the MusicPeter Knox

7An English Major Tours theToll Science CenterKarri Bragg

8This Halloween,Try Wearinga CostumeRene Farrah

10To Scotland, Land of Giants!Liam Daley

11Looking for Henry Miller,

America, or MyselfCindy Brown

14City vs. Country:Fashion Time ZonesKim Last

16Stop and Smell the RosesWes Schantz

17

20 Things You Dont KnowAbout Washington CollegePeter Knox

18Orange Fence ObjectionsLauren Campbell

Rant: Is BiggerReally Better? Becky Streaker

Comics: Theology 101 Jackson Ferrell

Round Robin: Round 2 Johanna Schaeffer

Music Review: My Music, Your Ears Lindsay Bergman

Poetry 1Chas LiBretto, Celeste Stanley

Movie Review: Elizabethtown 1Megan Walburn

Endgame 2Will Grofic

The Collegian is published monthly by and for

the students at Washington College, 300 Washing-

ton Avenue, Chestertown, Maryland 21620

Local correspondence can be sent through cam-

pus mail. E-mail [email protected]

or visit http://collegian.washcoll.edu.

The Collegian is designed on Macintosh com-

puters using Adobe InDesign and is printed at Ches-

apeake Publishing House in Elkton, Maryland.

The Collegian does not discriminate on anybasis. We reserve the right to edit submitted mate-

rial as we deem necessary. What is this? A maga-

zine for ants? This font needs to be at least three

times that size!

Photo by Kaitlin Wedge

November 2005Volume 17, Number 2


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Vol. 17, Issue 2 The Collegian

It is no secret that America is fat. Our country is

dominated by fast food monarchies and jumbo-

sized junk food empires. Corporations like

Nabisco, Mars, and Frito-Lay make a killing off of

our unhealthy habits, and the American people allow

their waistlines to expand along with the profits of

these marketing giants. There comes a point when we

as a people must ask ourselves when weve gotten fat

enough. How far can we possibly expand?

Corporate Killers Hit WAC

Not all expansion and upsizing in America

is negative. For instance, bigger hospitals need to

be built to care for the growing population of our

country, and bigger, more up-to-date schools are

required to educate our children so that they have the

resources to battle issues like obesity and government

corruption.

On the Washington campus, bigger means

several things. Bigger equals a new, state-of-the-

art science center (the Toll Science Building), a

scheduled-to-be-expanded Gibson Performing Arts

Center, and a dining service with more options.

However, is bringing Starbucks into the Caf

necessarily a positive change? The issue has raised

eyebrows and tempers on campus recently, so one

must wonder whether or not the upgrade was for the

better. And besides the renovations to the buildings

and grounds, not many aspects of the college are

both bigger and better. Take into consideration a

more topic more relevant to this paper, the Cove.

While the Cove offers delicious items such as this

semesters undisputed favorite, the Tipson, there

are few selections in the Cove that are void of fried,

buttery goodness. While the Cove does offer salads,

wraps, and Slim Fast bars, the number of nutritiousfoods in comparison to the quantity that is cooked in

oil and butter is unbalanced.

So is the Cove actually pushing students

toward the Freshman 15? One can only speculate,

but must observe that the candy rack is large and

always full. Some of the snacks offered in the Cove

are Mega M&Ms, king-sized candy bars, 32 ounce

fountain sodas, French fries, individual ice cream

cones, a plethora of sodas, and worst of all, pints of

Ben and Jerrys.

When a student enters the Cove to purchase

a snack or dinner, they are bombarded with options.

Assume that our student does not consider any

of the items on the shelves and is focused only on

the menu. The choices for this student range from

deli sandwiches, which are not terribly unhealthy

but are also slathered with whipped mayonnaise, to

appetizer-esque samplings such as French fries and

mozzarella sticks. There are undoubtedly hundreds

of fans of the fried offerings of the Cove, myself

included, but should the snack bar designed to serve

young people be so full of unhealthy selections? The

only item on the menu not cooked in grease or full of

mayonnaise and oils is the Garden Salad, which can

be purchased for $2.75. However, the question then

becomes, what if a WAC student is low on cash, which

is highly likely, and didnt make it to the dining hall

before closing time? There are food options cheaper

than the $2.75 salad. For $2.50, one could purchase

a cheeseburger, grilled in its own greases; $1.75 will

get someone a grilled cheese s a n d w i c h

that begins with two-slices of white bread

PAINTED with melted butter and three slices

of cheese; a heaping serving of French fries

can be purchased for $1.50 with an option of

cheese for dipping that will

cost one

only $.50 more; and a hot dog, arguably the healthiest

and cheapest grill item available, will cost a dollar.

Despite the options cheaper than the salad, if a student

is really desperate enough to use his/her ID to charge

a meal to Mom and Dad, that Shoman is not likely

to buy only a garden salad, especially considering

RantIs BiggerReallyBetter?Why size matters on the WC campus...

Becky Streaker

the Coves recent addition of specials which o

calorie riddled sandwich, fries, and soda for th

bargain price of fill-in-the-blank.

Well, what can you do...?

The intention of the Cove and

Dining Services to offer foods that are appeal

college students is commendable and, most l

appreciated. It is certainly an expensive undert

to re-vamp the Caf and offer more items

Cove. It is probably cheaper to offer foods th

be frozen and then deep-fried as opposed to fbreaded and baked chicken or lean ground be

every Tipson and burger made. Fresh food, l

preservatives and chemicals, spoils faster and i

likely to turn any real profit for the snack bar

enough are sold. (And cmon, chemicals taste

good. Theyre designed to!)

But does cheaper necessarily mean b

And shouldnt the interests of dining services

the health and well-being of the students it s

rather than turning a profit? Well...yes. G

fattening foods do not have to be a perpetuated

at Washington College. The purpose of this

is not to start a revolution of any kind again

Cove and what it serves, but the fact of the mis that we as a student body could be provided

healthier options. It may cost more to buy fresh

and perhaps sales will suffer if all king-sized ca

are taken off the shelves, but the student popu

will not go hungry and will be less likely to gai

weight at all. Options available now that are st

the right direction include Baked Lays potato

half-pints of skim milk, Slim-Fast bars, and the

fruit cups and salads. The solution to the pr

is to be determined by the powers that be,

response from the student body could only acce

the process.

A National Epidemic Evident in Chestertow

The obesity of Americans and

monopolization of many Americans diets b

fast food royal family is a second problem co

students are faced with. In the small commun

Chestertown, many aspects of life have manag

stay relatively simple and easy-going. The town

of bookstores, antique shops, cafes, privately-o

restaurants, and knick-knack boutiques. How

the farther one travels from the river bank, the

one comes to corporate Americas encroach

Within two miles of the college, heading North

are two shopping centers, both containing at

one fast food restaurant. The Kent Plaza strip

contains not only a Kentucky Fried Chicken

Bell restaurant, but also an Arbys. And not

up the road from Kent Plaza is Washington S

proudly accommodating the golden arches.

these restaurants can in no way be removed fro

Chestertown landscape, they are still obstacles f

college student on a budget to overcome. Wh

Cove, Caf, and dining hall are closed for the

late-night munchies come calling. It is the 24

McDonalds drive-thru that answers the rumbli

tummies in the wee hours of college life.

Why eat well when you could eat this?


4/20

4 The Collegian November

see. If the band roadies arent wearing the shirt

band theyre working for, neither should you.

red flag singling out a concert rookie and warra

unwanted attention simply never do it. The ke

wear a shirt of a band that isnt playing that yo

like as it shows off your musical taste and exper

Vans skateboarding shoes and Converse All

are as common at shows as piercings, tattoos

mohawks. Basically, everyone is trying to lo

unique as everyone else.

Forget the money you paid and the tim

spent trying to look natural, the real game startsthe first band takes the stage. Instantly, the

surges forward and its obvious whos playin

whos sitting on the bench. Im sure you can sta

the sidelines calmly watching the band and the

idiots in front of them and still have fun but y

to the concert to interact with the music and you

do that holding coats backed up against the wa

No matter how unknown and terrib

opening band is, its important to establish

position immediately, as no one appreciat

assholes pushing through the crowd for the head

band at the last minute. Obviously, everyone

to be up close in front of the stage, and with

perseverance you can be there too. And this is

the action starts. Ive heard of complaining

fouls and missed calls during a basketball gam

in the middle of hundreds of people there is no

luxury.

Assuming the appropriate position is v

survival in the pit. The mass of people in front

stage is not called the pit for its polite and cont

celebration of musical talent. Packed in by peo

all sides, usually there is just enough room to

up straight and breathe actually the breath

pretty difficult. One must extend their arms, b

the elbow, directly in front of them to push o

backs of the people closer to the stage. Keeping

at this point is usually the biggest priority an

the biggest problem.

Not only are you given two square f

space and forced to push off for breathing r

but people of all sizes are dropping on your

and expecting you to keep them moving towar

stage. Just as youre comfortable and enjoyin

show, someone kicks you in the back of the head

you know theyre coming talk about personal

violations. Unless youre stepping on someo

well, youre completely blanketed by people. C

Im an athlete but I dont play a varsity sport.

Theres no coach, team, or ball. I dont play

for points, statistics, or attention. There are

no trophies, scholarships, or dinners. Im one of

hundreds on the playing field, and without referees,

a game clock, or code of conduct theres plenty of

blood, sweat, and tears along with a huge potential for

injuries, discomfort, and disappointment. The payoff

is a rush that gets you higher than drugs, skydiving,

or scoring that game-winning touchdown. Its being

a part of something bigger than you its going to a

concert.

The first step is getting in the game you

need a ticket, and the cost to attend a show ensures a

sporadic schedule at best. A headlining concert tour

is as expensive as dinner at the Melting Pot, or good

seats at a professional football game or Broadway

musical. Some concerts are well over a hundred

dollars, but most are between thirty and seventy

dollars. When tickets go on sale, some sell out in

minutes. An experienced concert-goer has their

fingers on the pulse of the touring circuit and never

hesitates to put tickets on a credit card that theyll

have to pay months before the actual event.

There are, however, plenty of cheap shows

that are just as good its finding them that matters.

LIVE 8, this last July, was free, the annual Warped

Tour is always around twenty dollars, and local

smaller venues are usually only a few bucks. Paying

this cover is easy, but the Ticketmaster charges, the

tank of gas, and the city parking increase your initial

investment by more than fifty dollars. It helps to

bring a few friends. Once you find the sometimes-

obscure location, the pre-game begins.

Tailgating doesnt just happen at football

games. Concert-goers are there hours before a show,

finding the good parking and good people. The bigger

the show, the bigger the pre-party.

There are always a few attendees who

dont even last long enough to see the

band, but thats like spraining your ankle

during warm-ups. Ive been in parking

lots that resembled fraternity parties

and knew right away the concert would

be amazing. Tailgating is part of the

experience. Stopping at Wawa on the

way to the show, I buy a hoagie, water,

energy drinks, and water, because the

price for everything doubles the second

you leave the parking lot. The parking

lot is full of people wanting tickets,

selling tickets, and soliciting you to

buy their dumb stickers oblivious to the fact that

you spent your paycheck just getting there.

You need to enter the show prepared for the

endurance test inside, and thats why my car is littered

with hoagie wraps, receipts, and piles of empty Red

Bulls. Personally, Ive changed to RockStar, an

energy price of equal value but double the size and

caffeine quality of Red Bull (it can be purchased at the

Student Center caf or local Rofo). If

you want to combine your energy drink

with alcohol, I recommend Sparks the

same amount of caffeine as a RockStar,

but with the same amount of alcohol as

a beer.The uniform is very important in

such a concert event. No matter how

cold it is outside, wearing more than

a t-shirt will only cause problems

later on, and anything you cant fit in

a pocket should be left in the car (I

take only my ID, cash, and car key).

I would never let someone in my car

wearing sandals, a button down shirt,

or a t-shirt of the band were going to

Sweating

to the MusicPeter Knox


5/20


surfing, while obviously dangerous, is inevitable at a

concert. Hopefully youre standing next to a taller,

stronger person, because otherwise youre on your

own and many unannounced people plan on crashing

down on your head.

Ladies, I apologize not only are you

being molested in the pit, but youre unable to see

over the hulking ex-football player in front of you

and powerless to pass fat sweaty men over your

head. And I mean sweaty. As the crowd moves,

there is pushing, falling, and jumping for hours on

end, resulting in a collective pool of perspiration.Ive wrung my shirt out on a hot summer parking

lot several times and even though a lot of the sweat

isnt mine, I feel as though Im running on a hamster

wheel in an Arizona attic. Youre receiving a full

body workout just keeping on your feet, pushing for

space, and lifting people over your head experience

people pay for in a gym membership.

And the greatest phenomenon would

have to be the moshpit. Out of nowhere a circle

is hammered out of the crowded mass only to be

filled with punching, kicking guys that appear to be

having a seizure instead of fun. Immediately, people

on the outside fight to remain so, pushing everyone

away from themselves and into the mosh pit, where

those pushed are likely to be in the same situation.

Personally, I come to see the band, but I have dabbled

in short spurt mosh pitting and no longer feel that a

rugby game is risky. For those few seconds in the pit,

I was more concerned about being hit from behind

than letting the music move me to violence. The

fact that many of these people are operating under

the influence of drugs and alcohol is beyond me a

handicap like that would be too much to handle for

myself.

Why would I spend nine hours standing

in July heat, completely surrounded by all typesof humankind, screaming, jumping, and dancing,

surviving on a half a bottle of water? Simple: to be

ten feet from Metallica playing to sixty thousand

people. Ive driven eight hours one way to see a

band play six songs before they had to quit (the lead

singer had laryngitis). Id drive five hours a night for

a chance to see Weezer play in Atlantic City. Each

summer sends me to the Warped Tour only to get

lost on Camden on the way home (every time). The

Nintendo Fusion Tour meant I was seeing the same

show on Thursday and Monday and it never gets

old. I constantly wonder what the shirtless guy with

White Trash tattooed on his back does for a living

and where these beautiful band groupies are during

the week (the answer is middle school).

What really does it is the band itself. I w

never waste the time, money, and energy to

politician, celebrity, or football game (save the

Bowl) that I commit myself to the second I se

Fall Out Boy and the Starting Line are on the

tour. Rock stars are easily the most powerful p

alive. Many people have no idea what happ

Congress, but can tell you just how big Tommy

penis actually is. The band tells you to pu

middle fingers in the air and everyone does it w

hesitation. The moment someone in the entertainindustry does something unique, it becomes a t

Fans of bands can be the most passi

people I know and simply being at a concert

you have the opportunity to sing every word

the band (and everyone else at the show)

undeniable experience. If my church was mor

the 9:30 Club, Id be there every Sunday s

your favorite band play that one song can be

amazing than any religious experience. The Mu

have their Mecca, but Id follow a band aroun

world. The trick will be getting someone to p

for it next year.


6/20


In an instant, Travis and Jules had me surrounded

in a three-man bear hug. It vaguely occurred to

me, as my face pressed scratchy against Travis

wool coat, that this had been my first physical contact

with other human beings in weeks.

Good to see you, man, Travis exclaimed. I

desperately tried to get out of my head. These were

my friends. Once we had much in common; why not

now?

Where will we be dining this evening, oh

my brothers? Jules had developed an obsession

with A Clockwork Orange in high school, to the pointof adopting the language in the book as his own. It

was annoying, pretentious, but familiar. In spite of

myself, I smiled to hear him.

Someplace where we can smoke cigarettes and

carry on obnoxiously, I said, knowing the rest of

them knew exactly the place I was talking about: the

Dirty Hen Diner.

The thing Id liked about the Dirty Hen

was the way it was so, well, dirty. The linoleum

was stained like the bottom of an old thermos. The

chrome tables left your elbows greasy. The floor

was liberally sprinkled with sawdust. The place was

open 24 hours, mainly for worn-out truckers seeking

coffee and pie. The three of us used to go there inthe middle of the night, talk over cups of coffee in

uncontainable tones. Sometimes, in high school, Id

go by myself, drive there in the early morning on my

way to school, and wish I was as grizzled as some

of the truckers whod come

in. The Greek cooks and

limp-haired waitresses always

seemed to welcome us. It was

probably our generous middle-

class tipping, but who cared.

We could carry on obnoxiously

and smoke cigarettes.

Our waitress was

typically limp-haired and

lipsticked- and about thirteen

months pregnant. She looked about our age; the

badge on her smock said her name was Kimmi. The

circles around her eyes were darker than my own. I

rubbed my eyes self-consciously and looked down at

the smoke spinning off my cigarette as I listened to

my friends order.

Travis had a chicken-fried steak with

seasoned fries.

I knew I was a stranger here, a middle class

kid wishing he was James Dean, trying to slum but

sticking out like a sore thumb. I felt sorry for Kimmi,

realized sorry was the wrong way to feel but couldnt

be different.

Jules, still a vegetarian, ordered what he

always had when we came to the Hen, a Caesar

salad.

You know theres anchovies in that

dressing? Travis asked him.

Its okay to eat fish, they dont have any

feelings, quoted Jules. Travis laughed. It was a

facile justification. I couldnt muster a laugh. Neither

could Kimmi, who probably didnt get the Cobain

reference.

So Im at the Millions More March, right?

Travis was beginning a story. But I was dist

when a midget walked into the Hen. And I re

how much of a bad joke the night was turning

So three white boys and a midget walk i

diner I caught myself staring, more into

than at the midget, and told myself to snap o

it. Travis and Jules were laughing hysterica

something. I prayed they werent laughing

poor midget, who was trying awkwardly to ho

squat little body onto the barstool at the far cor

the counter.

The name of the company was wJules creeched with laughter. I was aware of

lowering his voice to respond as the people

diner began to glare in our direction. I co

focus. I looked at Kimmi, waddling down to h

table with coffee. She was tired, so much mor

I was. The midget was still trying to get comfo

He had a club foot in a giant orthopedic shoe,

was stuck on one of the lower rungs of the bars

Apparently it was a clothing compa

some kind. Travis replied. I wasnt listenin

didnt matter. Jules and Travis were engross

their own conversation. I had nothing to contr

even if I wanted to.

Our waitress was lumbering to our balancing her huge belly and a tray piled

food. I saw her round the corner of the bar.

one of those slow-motion moments when yo

everything as it happens, as the perfect observ

bedraggled couple was across from us, having

with their coffee. Three truckers in flannel

slumped on the barstools next to the midget.

cook was sliding a plate of eggs across the co

And Travis and Jules were unaware of the impe

disaster. It was typical physical comedy: the wa

tripped over the midgets giant orthopedic sho

tray clattered to the floor. Dishes broke. Steak,

anchovy dressing went everywhere, includin

over Kimmi and the midget.

There was complete silence. For a m

we were all frozen in time. Then Jules and

began to laugh, hysterically. They hoot

slapped the table. Spittle flew from their g

awful mouths. I hated them.

And then Kimmi began to cry. Co

in anchovy dressing, she sobbed until she co

breathe, choked on her breath, and sobbed

more.

I would always be an interloper. I

always be on the outside of the window looki

I would never be like these people in the Dirty

would never be like my friends. But in that mo

I saw everything clearly. Some things tran

manmade boundaries like class, race, and

depression.

I grabbed some napkins, got up, and h

Kimmi wipe off her smock. I was filled

compassion. I wanted to take her someplace

someone could serve her coffee, where she cou

her feet, lie down and sleep for a while.

Do you want to get out of here? I

her.

I cant. Thats my husband. She p

at the midget.Rou

nd

Ro

bin

Round 2Johanna Schaeffer


7/20


As I walked down the Cater Walk the other day,

I happened to overhear a student discussing

a production on campus called Picasso

and Einstein. The title of this play highlights the

classic debate over science versus art. On our tiny

liberal arts campus, the juxtaposition of these studies

is apparent.

When I visited this campus a few years

ago as a high school student, WC offered a cozy

and colonial atmosphere. We even had a few small

colonial houses standing on the outskirts of campus

as offices and locations for student activities (i.e.the Lit House). Now, the John Toll Science Center

stands as the paradigm of science, towering over the

Math House in all its glory.

As an English major, Ive heard many

professors complaining about the hideous structure

and gargantuan size of the building. At the same

time, Ive heard plenty of biology majors tell me how

much they love its wonderful technology and modern

structure. In order not to let down my liberal arts

professors, I have decided to form my own opinions

about the Toll Center.

(A warning to all of you cynics: The

following perspective may seem jaded, but let me

assure you, Im not completely uneducated when itcomes to science. I took a few AP science courses in

high school and I got an A in General Bio freshman

year. Still not convinced? Ive caught reruns of Bill

Nye the Science Guy and Ive seen Weird Science.)

One fine morning, I make my way past the

construction of Dunning/Decker

and stand before the Toll Science

Center, a fellow English major

in tow. I stand outside for a

moment, staring up at the brick

structure. Its huge, I think, but

not pretty. I enter the ground floor

and take a look-see at the lobby.

My friend immediately speaks up,

Dont you feel like youre in a

doctors office? Wow, Im getting

nervous like Im about to have

teeth pulled. Come to think of

it, the furniture in the sitting area

is sterile. There arent even any

trashy, celebrity gossip magazines

to look at before the nurse comes

out to retrieve you.

As I make my way down

the halls, I peer into a professors

office and notice scanty furnishings

and few photos or decorations. I

can think of at least 3 English profs

who have great offices, complete

with posters and a huge collection

of novels and poetry. Lest I forget,

these science professors probably

have little time for reading, they are too busy probing

the human mind and dissecting small animals. I shed

a quick tear for them and continue on.

I reach the masterpiece of the Toll Centers

design- the atrium. Holy cow. I must say, this room

is beautiful, if you are into glass and minimalist

furniture. Oh! Ive hit a gold mine! There is one

An English MajorTours the Toll

Science CenterKarri Bragg

piece of artwork- finally, something that doesnt

remind me of a hospital cafeteria. Its a shame its

only a painting of a college dignitary. They could use

a little of Blakes artwork in here- maybe a painting

of the tyger, tyger burning bright? No? Okay,

maybe that idea is better meant for Gillins office.

There is a sign directing students and visitors

to the appropriate rooms and locations they may

be searching for. Even T.S. Eliot throws foreign

language into his poetry, but this sign is Greek to me.

Aquaculture Tank Room? Gel Documentation

Room? I can define each of those words individually

and I would have won with these words in the

elementary school spelling bee, but honestly, what

does all that mean?

Before I head upstairs, I have to sneak a

peek in the fridge which stands in the kitchen area

of the atrium. Mmmm, condiments and trail mix.

These science people just become more and more

interesting to me. Im fairly certain Kiplin

students enjoy better food than this. I run under

the glass sheets hanging as decoration, imag

that Im narrowly escaping the guillotine, and h

stairs.

I begin to feel disoriented. Isnt this

identical to the first? Its quickly pointed out

by my observant friend that alas, the couches

second floor lobby are covered in blue-striped f

not red like those on the first floor. Duh. I

that the memo boards are plastered with chart

graphs. The lines and dots mean nothing to m

for a minute I feel like spo

Wordsworth at the next s

in a lab coat who pass

just to see their reaction.

Ever the observer, my

notices that the posters o

bulletin boards are held

push pins. Four push

one in every corner.

might seem trivial, but

has time for that? Uh

see someones a deviant

one poster, two of the pi

clear, but two others ar

What do you scientist

this? Entropy?

The walls start to clo

This place is too sterile

these people have any s

fun? I run to the top fl

the building and revel

view offered at the top

stairs. I start to breathe

sight of trees and skylihave a Blake-ian mome

I stare at nature, and I

silent thank you to Col

for helping me not to collapse in the grips o

science. I make a mad dash for the exit, v

never to return.

Okay, so maybe Im being dramatic,

think I speak for all English scholars and stu

when I say that bigger (and more sterile)

necessarily better. Now off to the Lit House.


8/20


next Halloween.

If spending a lot of m

on a Halloween costum

not an option, theres a

homemade. You can m

prety interesting cos

by going to a thrif

to gather costume p

or by attaining card

beer boxes and other ra

items. There are no limit

in creativity with the tradihomemade costumes.

can prove to be more or

and hilarious than the

bought frocks.

There are plenty of h

tips and amusing a

online to provide a starting-off point. I stum

upon an article in which a mother did not appro

the costume her child wanted her to purchase f

trick-or-treating season and requested help in m

a more acceptable one herself. I do believe, how

that plenty of offensive costumes can also be

in the home.

The Pet Costume category amused mlonger than it probably should have. The id

having fake limbs dangling from a costume in

to simulate an upright standing position is incre

entertaining. Dogs and cats can now resemble

favorite superhero, Star Wars character, and

tale princess. Some may see this as animal cr

but you must remember what humans are p

on themselves; they are just as ridiculous. An o

could even match his or her pet and estab

theme with this new option for their four l

friend. Naturally there are more than just Hallo

costumes out there. Your pet could be Santas

Helper with fake limbs or Pup Shalom w

includes its very own blue T

and matching Yarmulke. I

have a birthday or gradu

coming up, you can ge

pet the proper outfit to

right in with the fest

as well.

The defining

of Halloween cos

seems to be options

can find practically any

to be for Halloween now

and with the internet

online shopping, it has

been easier to purchase

Costumes were once wo

trick drifting spirits into rej

a body to possess. Now its a

excuse for everyone to look

scary, cute, and hysterical o

Hallows Eve.

This Halloween,Try Wearing

a CostumeRene Farrah

Halloween season has come and gone, and the

online costume industry has racked in

plenty of hard earned cash from

diehard Halloween fans. Costumes are

needed for little trick or treaters,

enthusiastic door answerers, the pets

of the enthusiastic door answerers,

and of course, partygoers. According

to the National Retail Federation (NRF),

$1.09 billion was spent on costumes in

2004, making Halloween the sixth largest

spending holiday of the year. One of

the best parts of attending a Halloween

party is seeing which costumes

the guests have chosen. Its similar t o

attending an awards show red carpet to see

which costumes have made the cut. Some

choose to make their own while others take

the store-bought approach. Most people

today like their costumes like their food:

made by someone else, prepackaged, and

ready to be enjoyed at a moments notice.

The most difficult part is choosing one

from the menu.

Cady said it right in the movie Mean Girls

when she said, Halloween is the one night a year

a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls

can say anything about it. There are variety of

Sexy Costumes, from the Naughty Nun and

Nurse to the Sexy Ladybug. Theres also a

twist on everyones favorite fairy

tale characters thanks to minimal

fabric, and thigh high stockings.

This category is a favorite among

college girls, and is

probably a favorite ofcollege guys as well.

However, the desire to be

dressed in a costume in this

category may backfire in

the horrifying phenomenon

of The Same. As in, one

girl has the same costume

as another, thus making it

impossible for her to look her

best due to nearby competition.

There is a way to avoid this embarrassment,

and that is to have a costume that no one

else will have, even if that means

sacrificing some dignity.

People are getting less

tasteful but more creative and

hilarious every year. My personal

favorites are costumes that are

a play on words. Talk

to the Hand is a giant

hand with a face hole

cut out; Blow Me is a

tissue box; Holy S#*t is a

brown, oval costume with a

halo and wings, No S#*t

Sherlock is a brown oval

with a pipe, hat and cape and the dont

signal; and the Deviled Egg is an egg

costume with devil horns and tail. There are

equally classy couple costumes

such as the Plug and Socket,

Nut and Bolt, and Lock and

Key. The corniness oozes out of

these innuendoes and brings

a smirk to everyones face. Theres

no better way to declare your love

for someone on Halloween than

to be dressed as a giant heart

with the words Ive Got A

Heart On (say it out loud

to get the joke). Then there

is the individually strange,

such as The Man-Eating

Shark, various food items,

and an Adult Baby

in a Highchair. Youcould also be a Slot

Machine, or whats

sure to be a hit on a college

campus, a Working Beer Keg. At

times, just looking at the pictures online

of a very excited person dressed as Jesus

is entertaining enough to make that costume a good

idea. The possibilities are endless, and for an average

of $28 being spent on costumes in the US, any one of

these gems could be yours to adorn yourself with for


9/20


Danger Doom

The Mouse and the

Mask

Do I really have to say

more than The Mouse

and the Mask is a

collaboration inspired

by Adult Swim to make a bunch of college kids

interested? Lets list some more positive aspects, then,

shall we? Danger Doom is a collaboration betweenDJ Danger Mouse and MF Doom. DJ Danger Mouse

worked with the Gorillaz on Demon Days, on which

MF Doom made an appearance. DJ Danger Mouse

is also behind The Grey Album. Bigger names,

such as Talib Kweli, Ghostface Killah and Cee-Lo

appear on The Mouse and the Mask as well. So, as

confusing as all this who-appears-where business can

be, it seems to assure a good mix of styles. Even

if you know nothing about hip hop (Im from rural

Pennsylvania, give me a break), this album is totally

accessible. Also, the references to Adult Swim shows

and appearances by Adult Swim characters make The

Mouse and the Mask something totally fun. MasterShakes answering machine messages and Meatwad

rapping provide enough reasons to purchase this

album. As mentioned, Im not really qualified in

the department of hip hop, but I seriously cannot get

enough of this album.

Franz Ferdinand

You Could Have It So

Much Better

Franz Ferdinands

sophomore album,

You Could Have it So

Much Better, really

isnt lying. Its by no

means a bad album, but its nothing that great, either.

The band has officially become that sophomore

clich. The first track, The Fallen is upbeat and

catchy as hell. It sounds very good at very loud

volumes. After that, it just starts going downhill.

Essentially, You Could Have It So Much Better is just

a better-produced version of their debut. They think

that similar hooks will work again and not bore you.

They underestimate your taste. This album has no

songs that could sell you a Sony PSP. Unless you are

a dedicated Franz Ferdinand fan, skip it.

Ashlee Simpson

I Am Me

I wasnt expecting

much from this

album, so I wasnt

disappointed. Asidefrom applying too much

eyeliner and going

back to blonde (thus achieving the look of a cracked-

out version of her older sister), Ashlee followed the

same formula for her sophomore effort I Am Me. Her

previous album, Autobiography, included the Im

me deal with it! and My life is not so perfect, I

swear! tracks, and those are present on this album

as well. There is a new addition, though, rearing

its catchy yet annoying head, and that would be the

Gwen Stefanis Hollaback Girl is an inspiration

to us all! track. This new trend is most notable in

the song L.O.V.E., a track about how important

your female friends are when your boyfriend is a

manwhore, which Im sure is a meaningful anthem

for all 8th grade girls. Furthermore, I started noticing

that the songs followed pretty much the same kind

of order as her previous album, but I had to ignore

this conspiracy theory or risk being even bitchier

than I am now. The sad part is that I encouraged the

creation of this album by purchasing her first one.

Even worse, Ill probably listen to this album, too.

Ill enjoy it like a six pack of Bacardi Razz and a bad

chick flick with MaH gUrLz (HoLlA!) on a Friday

night.

INXS

Pretty Vegas

INXS released its first

single on iTunes with J.D.

Fortune as lead singer.

This new version of J.D.s

song Pretty Vegas is excellent. The band fles

out and gave it the middle it needed but didnt

time to have on Rock Star: INXS. By next m

the band will have a new album. Buck up peop

try to contain myself. Maybe I can restrain m

from writing about INXS anymore until I see th

February. Its possible, but doubtful.

Depeche Mode

Playing the Ang

Playing the An

the return of De

Mode in more

one way. Four

ago, the relea

Exciter had

die-hard fans scrunching their noses and scrat

their heads. Playing the Angel goes back to the

traditional Depeche Mode sound, actually falls

same ballpark as Violator. Lets put a really big

in here for everyone who looks at me funny

I talk about Depeche Mode and INXS: The

bands that have been around since the 1980s

have survived the tests of time, they definitely d

suck, andif you think hardyou could pro

name a few of their songs. In the case of De

Mode, the album Violator featured the songs

the Silence and Personal Jesus (recently co

by Marilyn Manson and the late Johnny Cash).

LESSON. Playing the Angel is dark, but has e

of the sound that made the melancholy so app

back in the day. Its a solid, beautiful album tha

Hey, remember us? Were definitely not d

Playing the Angel is worth checking out if y

know who Depeche Mode is, b) dont know wh

are, but feel adventurous, c) think Im a bitch w

taste and want to prove me wrong.

ReviewMy Music,Your Ears

Lindsay Bergman


10/20


To Scotland,Land of Giants

Liam Da

NOTABLE EVENTS

Because it was invented here, golf is quite

popular in St. Andrews. The ancient and noble

sport has attracted many celebrities from around

the globe to this tiny hamlet. One girl remarked

that she caddied for Michael Douglas, anotherclaimed to have bumped into Hugh Grant on the

way out of a bookshop. I

myself saw Boy George,

Monica Lewinsky, and Sir

Ian McKellen (Gandalf in

the Lord of the Rings films)

at a pub one night. Both Miss

Lewinsky and Mr. George

seemed a bit uppity, but Sir

Ian was very gracious, and

sang his famous rendition of Somewhere My

Love Lies Sleeping with a random old Scottish

man on the piano, to the great delight of all those

present.

Other than golf, the main draw (for

celebrities and commonfolk alike) is the ruins.

The Cathedral of St. Andrews was ruined, I

believe, by lightning sometime in the seventeenth

century, and has enjoyed greater popularity in the

three hundred years since than it ever did while

it was intact. The Tower, however, remains fully

erect to this day, and the picture you see (in the

background) was taken from the top of it. It is

of course, the famous Tower in which Richard

III was reported to have murdered his two young

nephews, the Princes in the Tower as they have

become popularly known, in order to become

king.

By far, the most notable event has not

been the golf, nor encounters with celebrities, nor

my visit to the ruins, but the Socs Fayre. The Socs

Fayre is an annually event greatly anticipated

by the students here. In the Scottish language,

it literally means Societies

Fayre or as we would say Club

Fair. It is a gathering of all the

various Clubs at the University

of St. Andrews into a single

place, where they recruit new

members in a ritualistic two-day

baccenalia of beer-and-whiskey-

soaked pagan frenzy. Much like

Christmas and Halloween, our own modern Club

Fair held in Martha Washington Square has its

roots in this sacred and ancient festival.

The variety of clubs available to join

is quite staggering. They have the usual ones:

Music Society, Scouting and Guiding Society,

College Newspaper and so on. But there is also

a Juggling Society, Historical Re-Enactment

Society, Knitting Society, LGBT (which, if youve

never had an LGBT, I definitely recommend it;

for me, its the grapefruit that really completes

the sandwich), Gilbert and Sullivan Society,

Christian Music and Drama Society, Gourmet

Food Society, Real Ale Society (free pint with

your membership fees), Whisky Society (free

dram with your membership fees), Tea Drinking

Society, (no free tea, oddly enough), Skydiving,

Dr. Who Fan Club, and Canadian, Islamic, and

Scandinavian Societies, to name only a small

fraction.

But the truly amazing thing about the Socs

Fayre is not the variety of available Socs, though

of course the available selection at our own dear

Alma Mater pales in comparison. Rather it is the

intensity with which each and every one of the

Socs wants you to join. Everywhere one turned,

it was You! Join the Fly Fishing Society! (Or

whatever) But Ive never fly fished in my life.

Its alright, well teach you. Come along, its a

party!

The remarkable thing is that this attitude

has much broader applications than simply this

festival. Every time I have mentioned to one of the

natives that I am studying here for the year they

reply, Well you ought to come here next year as

well. Finish it out in St. Andrews. In both cases,

I have the same reply. Well thats very kind of

you, but really isnt that a little premature on your

part? After all, for all you know I might be a total

asshole. And then think how sorry youd be that I

came. At this point, they usually laugh.

Well, well see whos laughing in the

end.

For the past month I have been living in a great and wondrous coun

known as Scotland. Radical journalist and fellow malcontent John Wisaid in 1763 that Scotland is a treeless, flowerless land, formed ou

the refuse of the universe, and inhabited by the very bastards of creation. A

of course, his words are just as true today.

LOCAL CULTURE

As you can see from the photograph below, I

have already seamlessly integrated myself into the native

culture. I am the figure in the upper right-hand corner with

the hat. A Japanese couple on their honeymoon took this

photograph. When travelling abroad, always have your

picture taken by Japanese tourists, if you can possibly

manage it. Theyre friendly, polite, and invariably know

how to work your camera.

As you can see, kilts are indeed a compulsory

garment if one is to be accepted into society. They are

worn by both men and women, and anyone without one is

instantly identified as a tourist. And that big guy walking

down the middle of the road with the kilt, the jack boots,

the camouflage jacket, and the shaved head? Yeah, you

dont want to screw with that guy.


11/20


Ifound heartache and disappointment around

every turn. In Paris, the streets are signed

with little blue squares nailed to the second

floors of buildings where, at high speeds, it

is easy to miss the Rue St. Michel and end

up in a part of Paris that isnt so welcoming.

The unfamiliar, unsigned path - this was part

of looking for Henry Miller and looking for

America in myself. I tossed the map.

The first wrong turn took me into thewriggling mess of a highway in the Grande

Arch (the business district) just outside the

city limits. In an attempt to (modernize and)

experience a bicycle ride from Millers

Saturday Afternoon, I rented a motor scooter

and ventured off into the heat of a mid-July

afternoon. Every turn led me right back to

where I had started; I eventually had a near-collision with a motorcycle

that left me sprawled on the side of the road with a work truck squealing to

a halt inches from my scooter.

I found myself growing angry as I lay face down in the pavement that

was once a single lane road with a bicycle path that Miller himself had once

ridden down. People were screaming at me in French and my elementary

understanding of it was enough for me to know they were concerned, notangry. The man in the truck lifted the scooter off my leg and I discovered

my foot had been badly injured; I will bear the scar for the rest of my life.

I waved them

off with a

Cest Bien.

Allez. They

roared away,

their engines

echoing under

the overpass, and

I found myself

completely alone

and close to tears.

I could have died, I thought to myself. What would I have found then?I found my way and crossed the Pont Neuilly, over the Seine, and

back into Paris. The Champs-Elysses quivered in the afternoon light and

exhaust of cars. I bore right on the first street after the bridge and ventured

into the park. Here, everything seemed simple. I slowed the scooter and

took notice of everything around me. For a moment, I almost felt as though

I were pedaling through Paris in the 1950s. How much of nature can change

in fifty years when it is left untouched by man? Gardens, everywhere they

were beautiful, in bloom. The smell of summer rose over the exhaust of

my bike, blocking out the memory that I was an American in Paris. I was

simply a person riding through the City of Love. I was lost, again but not

from a wrong turn. I could see St. Cloud, the highway ahead of methe

highway? I had gone too far. Again. I guess I did make a wrong turn.

I stopped the bike and in a kind voice asked everyone that passed,

Do you speak English? All anyone gave me was a nod of the head.Directions. Directions. How do I ask for directions? I needed Pont de Bercy.

I needed the Left Bank. I began to rack

my brain in hopes of remembering

enough of directional French to get me

out of the park and onto the left bank.

Police Officers. Of course.

They laughed at me as they spoke no

English either and pointed left with

an droite de (right) and the forward

with a derrire (behind). I got the

joke. Thanks. Pissed, I took of on thescooter again and headed towards the

highway. Death be damned. Though

Miller didnt believe in signs, I

followed quite a few back over the

Seine and through a rather boring

industrial neighborhood that reminded

me of my home in the outskirts of

Baltimore. I stopped the bike and could have sworn I was standing outside

of the graphic design firm I worked for years ago. There were no trees, no

signs of life - hopelessness. I recognized it and it felt like home. I heard

the sound of an elevated train and followed it with the reminiscence a

neighborhood in Queens were I used to live. I felt safe and silently said,

Thank you, Henry.

Suddenly the Latin Quarter, where Miller spent his time and which hewrote about extensively, came out of nowhere. The streets were bustling and

served me no purpose other than disappointment. One-way streets turning

into one-way streets and circles were an endless Washington, D.C.

cycle. Home? D.C. was never home. The public toilets Miller once

favored and wrote enthusiastically about were now replaced with

telephone booths. Oddly, one of those booths was right outside of

a school for the deaf. I sat in front of it and sipped a Coke with

one ice cube,

sweating in the

sun. Where were

you Miller, when

I was looking for

you there? Every

memory of you had beenstripped and preserved in

your books.

I didnt need

signs or tour guides or

companionship to find

my way back to America.

There were times in Paris

when my Americanism

stuck out like an overused

clich. Bad driving, bad

directions, bad taste in

clothes. And there were

times, riding that scooter,

when I didnt feel so out of place. Paris was home to Miller and he sawBrooklyn everywhere he went, much like I had a few feelings of home.

I guess home is everywhere in

the world as long as we know where to

look.Looking for Henry Miller,America, or MyselfCindy Brown


12/20

12 The Collegian November Po

etry

ChasLiBretto

Musings on Ed WoodsPlan 9 from Outer SpaceAn auteur with surplus of vision

compromising to the last

at the mercy of porn kings

dope fiends, and Baptist Priests.

a glutton for disappointment

blind and optimistic

like Reagan and enthusiastic

like the Tin Man.

You wore womens clothing

And died in obscurity.

At night my father is alone

and anxiousI was seventeen mildly drunk

on a Friday night and dad was awake

when I stumbled in. Like a gambler

I settled for a face

that would not betray my state.

My father wanted to talk;

he had stayed awake just for me

His eyes darted away. There were things

that needed to be said that night.

The Mets started well he said.

The strangest thing at the office,

he continued. I have to go to DC this weekend

Im pretty tired, I told him.

I wont sleep late tomorrow, promise.

I lie in bed later and wonder when the Mets will fix their fielding.


13/20


Middle GroundsIn the middle

We reach for riches sweetly,

Quarter-mouthed. Muster together treasures

Discreetly.

Copper things remain brief,

Hold presidents until dawn,

So the delicate fibers lay within

Our heavy grips. Strengthened. Warm.

Here in the middle

We wait until diamond dollars come true,

Want dreams to grow

But the human lottery is vast

And, oh we know

That our money never does what

Our minds tell it to do.

So in the middle

We kiss poverty. Drink affluence.

We are strange.

Revamped pirates seek treasures weve planted

And look for outcomes to change.

Throw ourselves in the ocean, ignite the tide.

Then stand there

Open-palmed and wishful-eyed.

Half-Mast RefugeesOrphans of thirsty hours, soiled

paseos, and novel despair

Mother and child blow away

together in exile air.

As Paradise is Seen inthe MorningWe can make walls,

Take walls,

And when were ready

We can break walls,

And the let the sun shine in.

We can drop hate,

Top hate,

And when were ready

We can stop hate,

And break walls all over again.

P

oe

tr

y

CelesteStanley


14/20


Change was the one thing that I craved when

I decided to leave New York City and attend

Washington College three years ago. Sure,

I knew that I would be in for a culture shock. New

York City had always been my home, and I had

grown quite accustomed to a Starbucks on every

other block, taxicabs that could take me anywhereat anytime, real New York pizza and bagels, the

breathtaking skyline at night and most importantly,

the flagship Bloomingdales store only three blocks

away from my high school.

Yes, anyone who knows or at least sees

me on campus on a regular basis can figure out that

shopping is one of the many passions that I hold. To

me, there is nothing like the rush of walking into a

store, seeing that perfect outfit thats all the rage and

then trying it on to find that it hugs you in all the right

places and you look hotter than Scarlett Johansen.

Ok, so maybe I take this whole shopping

and fashion thing way too far, but what do you expect

from a girl who spent her mornings thumbing through

Vogue and Glamour while riding the subway and her

afternoons perusing the contemporary fashion floor

of one of the most renowned department stores in the

world?

In a city where image really is everything,

I knew I had to bring part of my image-conscience

along for the college ride. Dressing

up is not only what I know; it has

become a part of who I am,

a medium for me to express

myself. In my twenty years as

a true-blue New Yorker, I have

not once left the house in my

pajamas (my mother would kill me) and

have always taken my sweatpants and sports bra to

the gym in a bag. I can tell you this was not because

my school had a dress code, but because the idea of

looking presentable really is a state of mind.

Dont understand where Im coming from?

Think about New York City fashion icons like Carrie

Bradshaw and the Sex and the City gang, Jackie O,

Donna Karan, and even Madonna. They are women

who have epitomized what it is to look fabulous and

knew how to express themselves with what they

wear, most of the time without overdoing it. There

are also the chic and stylish

men and women that you

spot on the street, who know

how to accessorize or wear

the right amount of black. I

cannot tell you the number

of times I have stolen greatfashion ideas from someone I

have spotted on the street.

On top of that,

New York City is the city

of possibilities; you never

know who you are going

to meet. Ive had celebrity encounters with Diddy,

Madonna, Robbie Williams and Carson Daly in high

school alone, and can thankfully look back on them

with no embarrassment because at the least, I looked

appropriate.

Although I would be 200 miles away and in

a much, much smaller environment, I did not expect

all of these ideals to be thrown out the window and

forgotten in Chestertown. I was raised with the idea

of taking pride in and spending time on your look.

Compared to New York, the Washington College

appears to me not only different, but sometimes a bit

lazy.

Flip-flops are something that I will never

understand. Sure, I love them and have some really

cute pairs, but there is a

time and place for them:

warm weather and casual

agenda. Most people

on campus wear them year-

round, which in New York is insane

considering the amount of snow there is.

Flip flops are casual, which is perfectly acceptable

for class or Sunday brunch but nothing more formal

than that. I can tell you for a fact that this is how

the student body at NYU and Hunter College rolls.

For example, at a proper campus function this year,

I could not believe what I was seeing when I spotted

several young men in button-down shirts, ties and

flip-flops! If you can take the effort to put on a tie,

then at least you can lace up some dress shoes at the

same time.

Color is another thing that threw me

FashionCity vs. Country:

Fashion Time ZonesKim Last

off about Washington College. I came dow

Chestertown with a love and appreciation of

Its sleek, slimming, and has flair. I still re

this glory when my friends tell me that they k

was from New York when I walked into class

dark sunglasses, a black t-shirt, dark jeans and

boots. Yes, the stereotype really is true; mos

Yorkers (even guys) own and actually like to

black. The only time Ive seen black on this ca

is during some type of formal occasion. Rarel

see people on campus wear black pants on a re

basis, which is a staple of New York City ffor both men and women. Instead, Nantucket

khaki-colored pants and jeans are popular for

with any color shirt, while Ive seen girls in

single color other than black, some more flat

than others. In my three years here, Ive come

conclusion that Marylanders think that black

be for funerals and formals only because I nev

students or professors wea

free will. Something to k

mind for the season, accord

last Thursdays New York

Style Section, is that Bla

the new black. For me, th

always be the mantra to liveWho cannot forget that fa

Sex and the City episode w

Carrie tells Berger that a

York City girl would nev

caught dead in a scrunchie?

the same phrase holds true

popular fashion trend at WC: hair ribbons. S

will be the first to say that I wear the occasiona

in my hair (Ive definitely added a splash of co

my all-black duds a la the hair ribbon). Howev

trend stops once I leave Chestertown perimete

all my time in New York, Ive seen more scrun

than hair ribbons, and even those are hard t

amidst the sleek hair dos that mimic John F

advertisements. Just a word of advice: if you p

visiting New York City and want to hit up a s

lounge, ditch the ribbon; otherwise, you are be

to be carded.

Ill admit it when I came down to

had no idea who John Deere was. To be comp

sincere, I thought he was a country singer,

fashion brand. I will never understand how

Deere (which, as I soon found out, was re

farming equipment company), could actually m


15/20


profit by selling clothes. Especially clothing in that

green, which, I hate to say, does not look good on

everybody. Better yet, the bigger question is, why do

people want to wear clothes that have deer on them?

The only deer that I have ever been acquainted with

have been the dead kind that Tom Green would hump

on his MTV Show or that have been mounted to a

wall. Quite frankly, both scare me, a lot.

The same idea applies to Vera Bradley. At

first, Vera bags were targeted to the post-menopausal

age group; at least that was the case in New York

City. I would occasionally see them on the streetand it seemed that the criteria for ownership included

grey hair, the complete Sag Harbor wardrobe and

shoes with Velcro straps. Then I came to Washington

College to find that they come in bright colors

besides the plain red, navy blue and brown and were

the ultimate fashion staple for class. I soon learned

that if you wanted to tie your outfit together in WC

style, Vera was the missing link and my versatile

black Bloomingdales tote bag simply would not cut

it. Just like hair ribbons, I got suckered into the trend

and own not one, but three Vera Bradley bags which

I promise you will be hiding in the back of my closet

upon my return to the Big Apple. The last thing I

ever want to do is to look completely out of date in acity thats two fashion seasons ahead.

Washington College, when you think

about it, is really a unique place. Theres a culture

that surrounds this campus that roughly 1350

individuals have created. Lets face it, deep down

inside we all may slightly alter what we wear while

on campus, absorbing the style of those around us,

being what I like to call a true chameleon. However,

when it comes down to just being at home and being

you, its a different frame of mind. I may wear less

black and more colored clothing nine months out of

the year, but I can tell you that in the morning, when

it comes down to decide what to wear, my gut tells

me to reach for the black. So, when you see me on

campus wearing black, most likely its the case that

my colorful clothes need to be washed, but lets just

assume that Im following my gut that day and being

a loyal New Yawker.

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16/20


One of my favorite things about this school is

being able to walk places. I liked walking

when the weather was so warm for that

long stretch, with days passing between clouds, and

I like it now that the drizzle and wind have cooled

things down. And it isnt just the schools smallness

that makes walking easy (though it probably helps).

What I mean by being able to

walk places is that because we

are so close to the neighborhoods

around us, not apart or aloof, it is

no great effort to pass between

the school and the town.

The advantages of going

out on foot are many. If you are

with someone, there is plenty of

time for talking between when

you set out and when you arrive

wherever it is you are headed;

if you are on your own, it is

that much easier to admire the

scenery and to greet passers-

by. You can do a good amount

of thinking, or you can avoid

thinking for a while. If you

miss not having your pets with

you, there is always a chance of

seeing a dog being walked, or a

cat out for a stroll.

But there is something

even beyond all that- the

mentality of walking. It says

something about you when you

are making your way down the sidewalk while car

after car goes by in the street. Perhaps it says you

dont have a car. Granted, for some people walkingis basic transportation. Most likely, though, if you

are attending school here, you could drive if you

really wanted to. Instead, youre walking.

Partly, there is something leisurely about

it. If you have the luxury of walking, you cant be

in any great hurry; it implies that whatever your

business is, it isnt very important. And by walking

you seem to flaunt that indolence. Driving, a person

is obscured by the car, discreetly tucked away behind

the windshield and doors, the paint and the license

plate; a walker seems arrogant in contrast, strutting

along for all to see, making a spectacle of himself.

Then again, some drivers take pains to have their cars

draw attention to themselves, making an expensive

vehicle a status symbol or accentuating a plain one

with tasteful, pirated Calvin decals and clever bumper

stickers. Beside that, a pedestrian is unadorned,

hardly noticeable when passed at 40 mph, quickly

diminishing in the rear-view mirror.

With practice, this mentality, an understatedkind of relaxation and confidence, may begin to stick

with you even when youre not actually walking.

Personally, I am sometimes reminded of it when I

might otherwise get stressed over writing a paper,

and then the words begin to fall into place. It is not

only an interior state, then, because it influences how

you act. In fact, walk around enough and eventually

you even start talking to people.

As the college is right within the town, so

its students and faculty and the locals are invited to

interact. Doing service projects and volunteer

very noble and no doubt appreciated, but it

rings hollow, doesnt it, if you dont get acqu

with some local people and keep in touch, or

drive home every other weekend? Likewise, i

very neighborly of those locals to cat-call from

pick-up trucks. (And when was the last tim

drives of those trucks actually picked up anyon

Do you see the pattern there? D

home, pick-up trucks Walking might do a

to save the natural environment (I would be rem

not mentioning that) but it might also restore aof that natural element, respect, to our relation

each other. In both cases there are forces outsi

immediate controlindustrial pollutants, the re

of old prejudices, racial and class divisions

acknowledging these, there are still those thin

can do, at least on an individual scale.

Like saying hi to the woman a

customer-service counter at Roses. Her na

Danielle, and she took the job in July and pla

drop it in January to return to college where sh

work toward a degree in business administr

She grew up in Chestertown and is raising he

kids here; the oldest just started kindergarten, an

youngest are twins, seven months old. She kher co-workers, knows the

of jobs they do, stockin

working at the cash-registe

her friends are people she k

in nearby Pondtown. Her p

now live in Florida, and she

them on her breaks.

Her shift is from 8:

5:00, Monday to Friday.

spends her free time taking

of her kids, or reading, or w

poetry. Danielles favorite

are novels and mysteries, an

listens to R&B, rap, and g

She smiles when she talks

her poetry and her kids.

are about thirty people who

at Roses, and she is just o

them.

Admittedly, I cheate

talking to Danielle because

expressly interviewing he

know quite a few facts abou

sure, but we couldnt be

friends the way she is friend

the folks in Pondtown, nor a

really even acquainted as closely as she is acqu

with the people she works with every day at R

Still, doesnt this portrait make her more real,

than some person standing behind a counter?

first step in getting along with someone is rea

how little you know about her.

I hope Danielle illustrates something f

then; at the same time, presenting her as an ex

like this does a disservice to the reality of her p

Shes really there, remembershe is much

than something to invoke vaguely as a symbol a

write articles about. Do say hi to her if you s

Roses or happen to pass her on the street.

Stop and Smell

the RosesWes Schantz


17/20


You can charge anything you want at the Bookstore

(on your Student ID) and it only appears on the

monthly bill as BOOKSTORE as a lump sum.

Every meal, on the mandatory 14 or 19 Washington

College Meal Plan costs the same whether

you eat the lobster or a salad. So eat as

much as you can and work it off in the

gym, youre paying for that too.

Yesterdays burgers are

todays Salisbury Steaks.At least we dont waste

everything.

Youre paying on average $1,360

to be a student at Washington

College each week. A large portion of this goes to

paying your professors. A full class schedule of four

MWF class periods breaks down to over $80 dollars

for a fifty-minute class whether you go or not. Of

course this original basic total pays for everything

speakers, Public Safety, publications, administration,

buildings expenses, sports, staff, events, and clubs,

(and everything this college does) but its certainly

incentive to get out of bed and go to class (the snoozebutton doesnt get you a refund).

Ive learned more from drinking with a

professor than sitting through one of

their lectures. Take advantage of these

opportunities.

The average case of Milwaukees Best

Light is around $10.99 in Chestertown,

making each can $0.37. Dont pay

more than what you think you should

at a party.

The rules change completely from drinking

indoors and outdoors. No matter how old you are an

open container is still an open container, and a peeing

on a tree is still public urination

If you dont pay your Public Safety ticket, it gets

billed eventually. But you can appeal every single

Public Safety ticket (no matter what, just ask for a

ticket appeal form), and if nothing else, delay the

process for a while longer.

Fall Break is not actually a break. Its just one

or two days off from class. We used to have

advising days off, but we didnt call them

breaks. Just extended drinking binges.

Anyone can register a party, even in their

own dorm room. Finally you can play music

and not worry about being shut down. Just

talk to Student Affairs.

Public Safety can ticket a car, but if its

not registered at the college theres nothing

they can do about it. On the other hand, its

only $30 dollars to register for an entire year

(compared to $500 plus per semester at a big school)

and even freshmen can have cars. Public Safety will

pick you up and drive you back to your dorm anytime

dont feel unsafe.

You have very few

guaranteed rights as a

student. There isnt

even a Student Rights

Handbook if you did.

The school can change your Housing

Contract as many times as they deemnecessary; so be nice to them and follow

the rules.

This is a small school. If you find yourself in

special circumstances, there is nothing to lose by

going directly to administration and asking the right

people. Unless youre asking for a football team.

Condoms and other forms of birth control methods

are free. Take advantage while it lasts. And if you

dont want the useless flavored condoms left in the

bag your RA passes around, visit Health Services.

Credits are easy to come by. Unless youre being awaiter or a janitor for the summer, you might be able

to get credit for what you consider work.

You even get credit for being in a play

and thats fun. This school is a small

experiment in politics its who

you know that might get you into

that class, that trip, or that job. Write

thank you notes.

The Career Center is a resource

students pay for. After graduating

everyone is looking to go into Graduate

School or the Working World. Thats a lot to

do on your own. Get free career advice and help in

the process before youre trying to swing it on top

of working a job you dont want. Its still who you

know and you should know the Career Center.

Youre already paying for the services, staff, and

facilities. Use them and demand satisfaction, but

just remember that nothing is perfect. Speakers and

campus programs cost a bundle of money and are

usually free to go to. Leave your dorm and do things

you wouldnt get to do anywhere else.

Take advantage and get involved. Play

sports, do drama, and start a club. Get a

scholarship or a research grant. Travel, eat,

and sleep on the schools dime while you

still can. Remember that anyone can take

out a sailboat or kayak at the waterfront.

Pass the swim test (we can use the pool too),

go down, and have an adventure.

If you havent had a slice of Procs pizza (and

garlic knots) or a Boston Milkshake from

Downeys, youre missing out.

2

0

Th

in

gs

TheCollegians20 Things

You DontKnow AboutWashingtonCollegePeter Knox


18/20


Orange Fence

ObjectionsLauren Campbell

What disease is plaguing social life at

Washington College that we are reduced

to congregating like herds of sheep with-

in the confines of a fence? In whats referred to as

an Orange Fence party, hundreds of students pack

themselves into a corral-like, fenced-in area, with

Public Safety lurking nearby to wrangle rowdy stu-

dents back inside. WAC collegians gather awkward-

ly to drink themselves into comas,

stare at one another pointlessly, and

be groped by people they would nor-

mally turn their noses up at. Whats

next, will we be hog-tied and lassoed

while in drunken stupors?

It is a number of freshmen

and sophomores, who, unable to buy

alcohol on their own and apparently

desperate to obtain it through any

means, tend to frequent these Orange

Fence parties. They accumulate

around bottles of beer like flies on

garbage, clinging to anyone who will

give them anything alcoholic.

Freshmen have often asked

how students are able to carry alco-

hol to and from the fence party with-

out being given citations from Public

Safety. Upperclassmen say that Public

Safety wont bother anyone unless

alcohol is in plain view, or if there is

some sort of irrational behavior. But what is rational

about Public Safety officers, who are supposed to up-

hold laws pertaining to underage drinking, standing

by and doing nothing?

I often wonder what Public Safety must be

thinking; what they do in situations such as these.The officers gawk at us from the other side of the

fence, literally two feet away from where we stand,

watching us make asses of ourselves and remaining

completely powerless as long as students are inside

the orange tape.

Director of Student Activities Bob Hooey

claims that orange fence parties are meant to provide

students with a safe place to have fun, not to control

students or to go against school policy; and really,

as far as the alcoholic beverage policy, there is no

control. Dean of Students Bryan Matthews says that

the goal of Orange Fence parties is to give students

a reason to stay on campus. But has the administra-

tion gone too far, doing almost anything within their

power to keep students on campus? What else will

be tolerated within the boundaries of the fence, which

seems to grant amnesty to anyone inside it? What are

to be the limits within these orangey limits, which

now seem limitless?

Campus authorities claim that all-campus

parties are just not feasible indoors. They say it is

unfair to bring loud parties involving alcohol indoors,

for fear of disturbing someone who may want to sleep

or study. Because, of course, obnoxiously loud music

rattling the ground and hundreds of insanely drunkcollege students parading around outside certainly

wont prevent non-partiers from rest or relaxation.

Perhaps it is not a matter of disturbance, a

matter of keeping students on campus for the week-

ends, or even a matter of providing a healthy social

life for students living on campus. Perhaps it is sim-

ply a matter of keeping animalistic behavior where it

belongs.

Its quite peculiar that we cant have all-cam-

pus parties indoors, yet raging parties with obvious

alcohol consumption can be held in plain sight of the

community. The infamous Hill Dorms used to b

site for the colleges best-attended parties, bu

cause of recent amendments to the colleges a

policies, all-campus parties may no longer be

indoors. But what happens when its too cold to

outside? Are we suddenly supposed to be sob

six months out of twelve?

The question that rises, however, is w

or not Orange Fence parties could be improved

possibly even recognized as socially accep

Bryan Matthews urges that in the absence of

an on-campus event, [we believe that] our stuwill continue to seek off-campus social oppo

ties where the risks are even higher. In truth,

OF parties are ultimately for the benefit of stu

but what can be done to prevent them from b

ing socially retarded and make them something

regarded as a legitimate social event? Student

suggested moving the party indoors (which is a

ently improbable), getting better bands, changi

location each time, losing the alcohol, havin

school provide the alcohol, or just getting rid

OF parties all together.

The word fence offends me with its

nature. Perusing countless dictionaries, its bee

scribed as a coop, cage, pen, jail, consty, or even a place where stolen goods c

bought all obviously n

connotations. Public Safety is f

sitting three hundred ridiculou

dren in an ugly orange plaype

partial to the underage drinkin

awaiting riotous behavior. An

fact that school administrator

that we, as college students, a

capable of making mature dec

offends me even more. Citize

the United States as a whole d

always make the best decisions

it comes to their personal live

the government does not gran

nesty to users of illegal nar

for one night each month, or

young alcoholics to reign free

few weeks under their carefu

pervision. Thats what we

call Big Brother. Personal dec

should be left as just that.

No one is in perfect accord w

comes to opinions about the fence parties, but e

one does have an opportunity to voice their opi

If anyone is insulted by the idea of being encou

to party in a pen of drunken deviants, then pe

you should avoid the next orange fence party, t

the SGA, or submit your opinion formally to

Matthews or Bob Hooey. If you would rather h

the moon, a bottle in each hand, with Public S

looking over your shoulder, then I wish you a

happiness in the world. As for me, I follow wha

Crosby once sang, dont fence me in.


19/20


Next month...(...may

A Happier Issue!

Thanksgivin

Where They DonCelebra

20 PresentsYou Should Want

Peppermint CondomCandy Can

Are All The Ra

Having A VeryJewish Christmas

Every ActreI Fantasized Abo

Is Pregna

Jesus Christ Finds A

Present Under His Tree

* * *

Not ImpresseThen WRITE FOR U

The CollegiMonthly Interest Meeti

Wednesday, November 27:00 P

Reid Baseme

ReviewElizabethtown:The Garden State

That Tried Too HardMegan Walburn

Whimsical, Drew Baylor says with a bitter

smile as he gazes upon the waxy facial

expression of his dead father laid out in an

Elizabethtown, Kentucky funeral home. The camera

angle cuts to a close-up of the corpse, whose lips

wriggle into a garish sort of half-grin in response. It

seems that whimsical is putting it kindly.

In Cameron Crowes Elizabethtown, Baylor

(Orlando Bloom) is a dark and brooding young man

who trades in his family roots for a famous career,

until a parents death brings him back to his abandoned

family. Love unexpectedly finds him along the way,

in the form of an unconventional girl (Kirsten Dunst)

with a childlike positive outlook on life

But wait! you may protest. You are

confused! The plot and characters you just described

are those of Garden State, Zach Braffs 2004 love

story nominated for two Independent Spirit Awards.

And that statement would be correct.Elizabethtown is

strikingly similar to last years film in many regards.

In fact,Elizabethtown may be more Garden State

than Garden State itself. WhileElizabethtown adopts

many ofGarden States most favorable aspects, like

its eclectic soundtrack and artistic camera shots,

the film on the whole brings one word to my mind:

contrived.

Let us compare and contrast: the main

characters of both films have left home to pursue

glamorous careers and must return without the

success that they sought. Zach Braffs character,

Large, is a C-list actor in Hollywood, most famous

for his role as a mentally disabled man. The cynicism

in his unfulfilled life provides a perfect opportunity

for transformation by Natalie Portmans free-spirit

character. While Elizabethtown operates under the

same premise, Drew Baylors career crisis almost

lacks effectiveness because it is so exaggerated.

Baylor is employed by a multibillion-dollar global

corporation that manufactures athletic shoes. He

personally has designed a concept shoe to end all

shoes, revolutionizing the entire industry. Our story

opens with the recall of every shoe produced, making

Drew Baylor the biggest failure in business since the

Enron scandal. He is fired and charged with sending

an entire generati

washington college student magazine - the collegian - nov 2005

Documents