we created you in pairs

WeCreatedYouInPairs

Lesson2

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  Islamplacescertainrestric;onsasfarasthechoiceofyourspouseisconcerned.Theserestric;onsarebasedon;– 1.Bloodrela;onships– 2.Religiousaffilia;onsoftheperson.

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  1.Restric*onsbasedonbloodrela*onships:•  Therearecertainbloodrela;onswhichareconsideredforbiddenforyouasfarasmarriageisconcerned.(Asageneralrule,anyonewhoisyourmahramisforbiddentoyouformarriage.Mahrammeansablood-rela;veinwhosepresencehijabisnotrequired.)Thelistofsuchrela;vesisgivenintheQuranasfollows:

WhoCanYouMarry?

حرمت عليكم أمهاتكم وبناتكم وأخواتكم وعماتكم وخالاتكم وبنات الأخ وبنات الأخت وأمهاتكم اللاتي

أرضعنكم وأخواتكم من الرضاعة وأمهات نسآئكم وربائبكم اللاتي في حجوركم من نسآئكم اللاتي دخلتم بهن فإن لم

تكونوا دخلتم بهن فلا جناح عليكم وحلائل أبنائكم الذين من أصلابكم وأن تجمعوا بين الأختين إلا ما قد سلف إن الله كان

غفورا رحيما

WhoCanYouMarry?“Forbiddenforyou[inmarriage]areyourmothers,your

daughters,yoursisters,yourfather'ssisters,yourmother'ssisters,yourbrother'sdaughters,yoursister'sdaughters,your[milk]motherswhonursedyou,yoursistersthroughnursing,yourwives'mothers,andyourstep-daughtersunderyourguardianship[born]ofyourwivesuntowhomyouhavegonein.Butifyouhavenotgoneinuntothem,thereisnosinuponyou.And[also

prohibitedare]thewivesofyoursonswhoarefromyour[own]loins,andthatyoutake[inmarriage]twosisterssimultaneously,exceptforwhathasalreadyoccurred.Indeed,GodiseverForgivingandMerciful.”Quran4:23

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  Itworthno;ngthatcousinshavenotbeenincludedinthislistwhichmeansthat:firstly,cousinsarenotmahramtoeachother,sohijabhastobeobservedbetweenthem;secondly,cousinscanmarryeachother.

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  2.Restric*onsbasedonreligion•  Marriagebetweentwopeoplewhodonotfollowthesamereligioncreatesproblemsintheday-to-daylifeofthecouplebecauseIslamencompasseseveryaspectoflife.Consequentlyrestric;oninmarriagebasedonreligiousdifferencesisquitenatural

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  AShiaMuslimmanCANmarry:– AShiaMuslimwoman– Anon-ShiaMuslimwoman.However,ifthereisadangerofbeingmisled,thenitisforbidden

– AJewishorChris;anwomanintemporarymarriage.

•  AShiaMuslimmanCANNOTmarry:–  Awomanofanyotherfaith(Buddhist,Hindu,

Atheist,etc)

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  AShiaMuslimwomanCANmarry:– AShiaMuslimman– Anon-ShiaMuslimman.However,ifthereisadangerofbeingmisled,thenitisforbidden.

•  AShiaMuslimwomanCANNOTmarry:– Anon-Muslimman

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  Doparentshaveanyrightoverthemarriageoftheirchildren?

•  Whenachildreachestheageofpuberty,thentherearethreedifferentsitua;ons:

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  1.achildwhoisbaligh(physicallymature)butnotmentallymature:inthiscase,thefatherandthepaternalgrandfathers;llhavetheirauthorityoverhimorher.Suchachildcannottakeadecisiononmarriagewithouttheapprovalofthefatherorthegrandfather.

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  2.amalechildwhoisbalighandalsomentallymature:inthiscase,hehasfullrighttodecideabouthisownmarriage.

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  3.agirlwhoisbalighandmentallymature.Themajorityofthepresentfuqahasaythatinherfirstmarriage,abalighaandmentallymaturegirlcannotmarrywithoutthepermissionofherfatherorgrandfather.Andifsuchagirlhadalreadymarriedbefore,thenshehasfullrighttodecideforherselfinthecaseofhersecondmarriage.

WhoCanYouMarry?

•  Thislawisinplacetoactasanextraprotec;onforthehonorofagirl/woman.However,ifthefatherorgrandfatherrefusestogivehisconsenttoaproposalofasuitableman,thenareligiousjudgecanover-ridethedecisionofherfatherorgrandfather.Similarly,ifthefatherorgrandfatherisinaccessible,thenthereisnoneedforhispermission.

SpousalSelec;on

تنكح المرأة على أربع خلال: على مالها، وعلى دينها، وعلى جمالها، وعلى حسبها ونسبها، فعليك بذات الدين

“Awomanismarriedforfourreasons:Forherwealth,forherreligion,forherbeauty,forher(hasab)nobilityand(nasab)lineage.Butmarry

forherfaith.”-ProphetMuhammad(s)

SpousalSelec;on

•  Theword“deen”hereisnotlimitedtotheouterexpressionsofreligion(prayer,fas;ng,etc)

•  Moreimportantlyitreferstosomeonewhoseheartisnotorientedtowardsthematerialworld,butorientedtowardsthehereader.

SpousalSelec;on

•  Thenatureofapersonwithdeenisthattheyarenotworldlybynature.Theirdesireisnottheaccumula;onofthings,theirdesireistheaccumula;onofgooddeeds

•  Wealth,beauty,lineageareallephemeral.•  Marrysomebodyforsomethingthatlasts

SpousalSelec;on

إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وأمانته يخطب (إليكم) فزوجوه ، إن لا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير .

“Whensomeonecomestoyouwithaproposalandyouarewell-pleasedwithhisfaithandhisintegritythenaccepthiminmarriage,forifyoudonot,discordandcorrup;onwillprevailinthe

world.”-ProphetMuhammad(s)

SpousalSelec;on

•  No;cethattheProphetmen;onsintegrityinaddi;ontodeenwhenhespeaksaboutmen.

•  Why?Womenareinaweakerposi;onbythenatureofthemajorityofmarriagesandbecauseofthisitbecomesmoreimportantformentohaveintegrityandgoodcharacter.

•  Inotherwords,youdon’twanttomarryyourdaughtertosomeonewhowillnottreatherwell.

SpousalSelec;on

•  Someonecanbereligiousbuteasilyangeredandwhenpeopleareeasilyangeredtheydoandsaythingstheydon’tmean.

•  Somarryyourdaughterstomenwhohavegooddeenandgoodcharacter.

SpousalSelec;on

الإمام الحسن عليه السلام - لرجل جاء إليه يستشيره في تزويج ابنته - : زوجها من رجل تقي ، فإنه إن أحبها أكرمها وإن أبغضها لم يظلمها

“Imamal-Hasan(a)saidtomanwhocametoaskhisadviceaboutgefnghisdaughtermarried,

'Marryhertoapiousman,forifhelovesherhewillhonourher,andifhecomestodislikeher,atleast

hewillnotbeunjusttowardsher.”

SpousalSelec;on

•  Isamanpermi<edtolookatthewomanwithoutherhijabbeforemarryingher?

•  Amanisallowedtoseewithouthijabthewomanwhomheintendstomarry.However,thispermissionisjustforthemanorthewomantoseetheprospec;vespouseonce

SpousalSelec;on

•  Canamanandwomanletmeeteachotherandspend*mealoneifthey’reengaged?

•  InIslam,thereisnoceremonyknownasengagement.FromanIslamicperspec;ve,anengagementisarevocableagreementbetweentwopersonstomarryeachother,nothingmore;itdoesnotmakethetwopersonsmahramtoeachother.

SpousalSelec;on

•  Theys;llhavetoobservetherulesofhijab.Butiftwopersonswhoareengagedwishtomeeteachother,thentheonlywaytolegalizethatisbyperformingatemporarymarriagebetweenthem.

SpousalSelec;on

•  Theycanevenputacondi;oninthetemporarymarriagethattherewillbenosexualrela;ons.Thisway,theywillbeabletomeeteachotherwithoutanyobjec;onfromanIslamicperspec;ve.

•  However,asmen;onedearlier,agirlwhohasnotmarriedbeforewillneedherfather'sorgrandfather'sapprovaleveninsuchatemporarymarriage.

ImportantQues;onsForPoten;alSpouse

•  1.Whatareyouexpecta;onsofmarriage?•  2.Whatareyoulikewhenyoudon’tgetwhatyouwant?

•  3.Whatareyourgoalsinlife?•  4.Whyhaveyouchosenmeasapoten;alspouse?

•  5.Whatareyouexpec;ngofyourspouse,religiously?


•  6.Whatdoyouexpectyourrela;onshipwiththefamilyofyourspousetobe?

•  7.Areyouplanningtohaveanyoneinyourfamilylivewithyouinthefuture?

•  8.Wherewillwelive?Areyouwillingtorelocate?

•  9.Doyousupporttheideaofaworkingwifeordoyoupreferastay-at-homewife?Howdoyouthinkadual-incomefamilyshouldmanagefunds?


•  10.Howmanychildrendoyouwant?•  11.Whenthereisadisputeinyourmarriage,religiousorotherwise,howshouldtheconflictgetresolved?

•  12.Definemental,verbal,emo;onalandphysicalabuse.

•  13.Whatisyourrela;onshipbetweenyourselfandtheMuslimscommunityinyourarea?


•  14.Whoareyourfriendsandwhy?•  15.Whattypeofrela;onshipdoyouwantyourspousetohavewithyourfriends?

•  16.Ifsomeonehaswrongedyou,howdoyouwant(s)hetoapologizetoyou?

TheMarriageContract

•  IntheIslamictradi;on,marriageisanعقد,acontract.

•  Asacontract,itdependsonإيجاب (proposalfromthebride)andقبول (acceptancefromthegroom)

•  Thecontractcanbeverballymadebythepar;esthemselvesorbytheirrepresenta;ves.ThelanguageofthiscontractmustbeArabicifpossible.

TheMarriageContract

•  ItisalsorecommendedtobeginwithasermonpraisingGod,,askingforHisblessingsonProphetMuhammadandhisprogeny,andalsoreci;ngaQuranicverseandacoupleoftradi;onsonthevirtueofmarriage.

TheMarriageContract

•  Oneofthenecessarycondi;onsofanIslamicmarriagecontractisbridalgid(mahr).Mahristhemarriagegidwhichthegroomagreestogivetothebride.Itisactuallytherightofthebrideanditisforhertospecifyorfixthemahr;andforthegroomtoeitheracceptitornego;atewithhisprospec;vebride.

TheMarriageContract

•  Themahrcanconsistofamaterialitemorabenefit(liketrainingforsomething);itcanbepaidupfrontorcanbeinformofpromisetopayupondemandsdecidedpriortothesolemniza;onofmarriage.

TheTimeofMarriage

•  ArethereanyspecialdaysintheIslamiccalendarwhenmarriageisencouragedordiscouraged?

•  Basicallymarriageisallowedatall;mes.However,therearesomedaysinwhichmarriageisnotrecommended;someofthesearebasedonhadithandsomeoncultural,historicalreasons.

TheTimeofMarriage

•  1.Therearesomehadithwhichsaythatitismakruh(notrecommended)tohaveamarriageceremonyonthedayswhenthemoonisintheconstella;onoftheScorpiowhichisduringthelasttwoorthreedaysofthelunarmonths,andonWednesdays.

TheTimeofMarriage

•  2.Therearesomehadithwhichsaythatcertaindaysofeachmonthareillomendays;thesedaysarethe3rd,5th,13th,16th,21st,24thand25thoflunarmonths.

TheTimeofMarriage

•  3.TherearecertaindaysoftheIslamiccalendarwhichhavebecomeassociatedwiththeearlyeventsoftheIslamichistory;forexample,the10thofMuharramisthedayofmourningforthemassacreatKarbalaorthedayoftheProphet'sdeathinSafar,etc.SincesuchdaysarecommemoratedbytheMuslimsasdaysofmourning,itissociallyand,tosomeextent,religiouslynotrecommendedtohaveamarriageceremonyonsuchdays.

TheWeddingNight

زفوا عرائسكم ليلا

"Takethebridetohernewhomeduringthenight.”-Imamal-Sadiq(a)

•  Basedonthissaying,itisrecommendedthattheweddingshouldtakeplaceatnight.

TheWeddingNight

•  Aderthebridehasenteredtheroom,thegroomisrecommendedtotakeoffthebride'sshoes,washherfeet(inawashbowl)andthensprinklethewateraroundtheroom.

•  Thenthegroomshoulddowudhuandpraytworakatrecommendedprayer

•  Whentheyarereadytogotobed,thegroomshouldputhishandonthebride'sforeheadandpraythefollowingduawhilefacingtheqibla.

TheWeddingNight

اللهم بأمانتك أخذتها وبكلماتك استحللت فرجها، فإن قضيت لي منها ولدا فاجعله مباركا سويا ولا تجعل للشيطان فيه شركا ولا نصيبا“OGod!IhavetakenherasYourtrustandhavemadeherlawfulformyselfbyYourwords.Therefore,ifyouhavedecreedformeachildfromher,thenmakehim/herblessedandpiousfromamongthefollowersoftheFamilyofMuhammad[peacebeuponhimandthem];anddonotlettheSatanhaveanypartinhim/her.”

we created you in pairs

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