welcome week lecture at jibs
TRANSCRIPT
GLOBAL MANAGEMENTWHAT IS IT?
JÖNKÖPING INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS SCHOOL
ANDREA @RESMINI
(NOTE: This lecture was delivered as part of Welcome Week at JIBS. It is a prank unaware firstyear students were subjected to with the complicity of the student organizations. The students were only told this was all a joke at the end when they were liberated by their elders/seniors)
Welcome. I was told to prepare an introductory lecture on global management, but I’d like to ask you a couple of things first. (speaks to class) Who is not from Sweden? Why? Who speaks sanskrit? Anyone who paraglides? Who is going to win the Premier League in 2019?
You see, difficult questions to answer, if not for a couple of knowitall. Just like global management. But what is global management really? It’s a mess.
All of that stuff that we have to move around the world, right? Just because we want bananas in the winter ...
... or that new gadget for taking selfies of your posterior they just released on the market in Korea or somewhere.
R U FINISHD?R U FINISHD?Wouldn't that be easier if we just focused on the important things? Like say, digital services. Like say, lolcatz. Or grumpy cats pics.
Think about it. Nothing moves. No need to move trucks around and pollute the earth even more, right?
No reason for us to go around either, which is even better. We save on gas and avoid unpleasant social situations, like, being in class, for example. Just saying.
Wombat cub
And if we have to move something around, let it be something really useful and meaningful to society, something that can have an impact, such as wombat cubs. Who doesn’t like wombats? And cubs of course.
IT’S HARD TOPICS
So, that's the hard topics we want to tackle in Global Management. What is that we are actually doing here? Why do we drive big trucks? Are wombats cuddly? You can see that these problems we face are not easily solved, and the scale at which they occur – global – makes them even harder to tackle.
Lucky for you, we came up with a good way to sell all of this with a nicely drawn model that even gives you fancy buzzwords you can adopt and reuse. JIBS is entrepreneurship, ownership, renewal.
ENTREPRENEURENSHIPS
We will teach you to be as entrepreneurial, so that maybe you'll be the ones coming up with say ...
Wombat cubDOG
.. an app that can call your dog for you. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be entrepreneurial? Wouldn't that be terribly global? How many dogs can such an app manage? Dozens. Probably hundreds. (sorry about the slide. Couldn’t find a suitable pic of a dog as I was in a pinch)
This is business after all. You’ll know exactly how to reclaim it. What is mine is mine, an eye for an eye, all that stuff that is very important to making lots of money. Somebody put this picture up for grabbing for example. Now it’s mine and I can use it in this lecture. That’s ownership.
RENEWAL
And we will teach also about renewal, because it's part of the mission, but that's boring stuff which has to do with sustainability and environmental protection, yaddayaddayadda, save the whale harvest the land in flipflops using your pinkies no gas in your hairspray kindofstuff, you know, somebody else will deal with it in detail.
ANDREA RESMINI © 2015
But this picture, I played this game hard, I took this pic, so I own it, and it has my name written above it. That’s still ownership. I placed it on Pinterest. By doing this, I’m managing it globally. I was all over Mordor. And I managed to kill quite a lot of orcs. So there’s renewal there as they will have to be replaced. Please note the copyright sign. Ownership.
HOW WILL WE TEACH YOU?
How will we teach you entrepreneurship, ownership, and renewal in a global context? You probably heard quite a few different theories of business that supposedly tackle the complexity of global management.
So have I. Say, Miles’ theory of management through incompetence? Or Santapaola’s model of family ties? Frank’s? Billy’s? Pelle’s? Have you? Could you explain them to me? (PAUSE. NO ANSWER)
Exactly, that’s the point. Nobody can. They are worthless.
THEORY-THROUGH-ENACTMENT
So, following Wayne and Pennyworth, we will engage in an exercise of theorythroughenactment and global manage a compelling case through practice. We’ll make groups and work on it by becoming the different actors and players and weighing their choices. Living their choices. Ever played RPGs? (ASKS AUDIENCE. SOME HANDS RAISED) You did. Losers.
Anyway, since we want to stay close to what most business practice is today, we decided to have you manage ...
Zombie Apocalypse
.. the zombie apocalypse. The first lectures will allow us to start talking about reports, interviews, eating habits, and such, but meanwhile here's a few instructions to get you going.
4th floor for props
The guys at marketing on the 4th floor should provide you with materials, like clothing and makeup. If you can get sick a bit it will definitely help you get your bearing but it’s not required. Please note that the severing of limbs is discouraged, especially if performed on others than yourself, and might negatively impact your final results.
Class of 2014
I suggest twothirds of you try being zombies for the next week, while the rest of the class comes up with a plan to exterminate you, profit from whatever crazy stuff they have to make up to solve this global crisis, and hence also foster renewal. You playing the zombies, jou just have to shamble a bit and moan. Can you actually do that? (AUDIENCE MOANS). Not good enough. Practice practice practice.
Last year we switched roles on the second week but it didn’t really work out because the group playing the humans first didn’t really get the concept of "enactment". We had half the class by then and not because we failed them. So I suggest you find some way to decide who’s going to be on the suck team in case somebody loves their baseball bats too much again. Like, say, those of you who can’t spell ...
Spårvagnsaktiebolagsskensmutsskjutarefackföreningspersonalbeklädnadsmagasinsförrådsförvaltarens
.. this word. Or those smartasses who know sanskrit or paraglide.
MANDATORY READINGS
This is it, we see each other next week, but here’s a couple of books you are supposed to read to get started:
FISHBURNE, L. (2008). MACHETES AND A BASEBALL BAT: MANAGING GLOBALLY IN THE AFTERMATH OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. HARVARD PRESS.
THOMAS, M. & THOMAS, N. S. (2009). ZOMPOC: HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. SWORDWORK PUBLISHING.
BROOKS, M. (2003). THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE: COMPLETE PROTECTION FROM THE LIVING DEAD. BROADWAY BOOKS.
BROOKS, M. (2007). WORLD WAR Z. THREE RIVERS PRESS.
KLEPINSKI, G. (2011). SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE OUTBREAK: THE OFFICIAL ZOMBIE SURVIVAL FIELD MANUAL. AQUARIUS.
MURPHY, D. P. (2009). ZOMBIES FOR ZOMBIES: ADVICE AND ETIQUETTE FOR THE LIVING DEAD. SOURCEBOOKS.
AUSTIN, J. (2010). SO NOW YOU'RE A ZOMBIE: A HANDBOOK FOR THE NEWLY UNDEAD. CHICAGO REVIEW PRESS.
SHAFFER, A. (2014). HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARKNADO AND OTHER UNNATURAL DISASTERS: FIGHT BACK WHEN MONSTERS AND MOTHER NATURE ATTACK. THREE RIVERS PRESS.
OUELLETTE, J. (2010). THE CALCULUS DIARIES: HOW MATH CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WIN IN VEGAS, AND SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. PENGUIN BOOKS.
Also mandatory and focusing on zombie management. Note that the third and fourth book provide a systemic perspective and a holistic approach to the undead situation.
BALL, A., RAO, D., HAUSSMAN, R., & ROBINSON, S. P. (2013). THE RANDOM WALKING DEAD: EFFECTS OF URBAN STREET NETWORK TOPOLOGY ON RATES OF INFECTION SPREADING IN ZOMBIE EPIDEMICS. COMPLEX SYSTEMS MODELING AND NETWORKS.
HARMAN, C. (2006). ZOMBIE CAPITALISM - GLOBAL CRISIS AND THE RELEVANCE OF MARX
And finally, slightly more academic but still necessary reading, you slackers:
FOR NEXT WEEK: READ AND REPORT IN WRITING
Final bit: I want a report, but keep it short. No more than 6 pages for each book and your personal reflections ...
MANAGING THE UNDEAD:IS IT GLOBAL OR LOCAL?
... on “managing the undead: do it global, or local?”, uploaded to the personal mail of the program director no later than this Friday at 23:00 hours.
THAT’S ALL. SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
Any questions?
(STUDENT FREEDOM MOB BREAKS INTO THE CLASS AND INTERRUPTS WITH MUSIC AND STUFF)
Well, too bad we don’t have the time. See you next time. File your reports! Friday!
IMAGE CREDITS (COPYRIGHT OWNERS ETC ETC)
Truck http://fleetowner.comComplexity nerovivo, https://www.flickr.com/photos/dominik99/384027019Bananas http://beforeitsnews.comBelfie stick http://businessinsider.comGrumpy cat http://www.ehiyo.com/wpcontent/uploads/2015/01/grumpycat6q4n2.jpgBlower app https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei0rBgF5YPollution http://www.jodutt.com/wpcontent/uploads/2014/12/oPOLLUTEDBEACHfacebook.jpgSleeping in class http://www.theprospect.net/wpcontent/uploads/2013/12/stayingawake.jpgRunning wombat http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01754/womat_1754995i.jpgIt's mine https://leadershipfreak.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/itsmine.jpgWalking dead http://walkingdead.wikia.comCall center http://jobopportunitiessanantoniotx.comZombies http://thenerdsofcolor.org