SHOWCASE EVENT

What is Child-to-Parent Abuse? Paterson and co (2002) consider a child behaviour as abusive if

others in the family feel threatened, intimidated or controlled by it and if they believe that they must adjust their own behaviour to accommodate threats or anticipation of violence.

Behaviours include:

Yelling, arguing, challenging, sarcastic and belittling comments, threats, name calling and swearing...

Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, shoving and pushing, breaking and throwing things , punching holes in the walls, throwing down the stairs, spitting....

Intimidations, controlling the running of the household, mind games, unrealistic demands, running away from home or staying out all night, lying, threats to hurt or kill, to run away, to commit suicide or hurt themselves, degrading the parent or other family members or withholding affection....

Stealing money or parent's belongings, selling family possessions, destroying the home or parents' belongings, demanding parents buy things they can't afford, incurring debts the parents must cover ....

Showcase agendaBackground to the project

Research background and the international context of child to parent abuse (CPA)

The group programme. Resources, tools and methodologies used in the young peoples group and the parents group.

Testimonies from parents and young people

Outcomes of the programme

Our learning – things we will do differently

Future plans, referral pathway and criteria, tool kit

Film and music by the group

Q&A session

Background to the project

2007: Agencies seeing an increasingprevalence of child to parent abuse.

2008: Partners begin discussions in Brighton & Hove on how to respond to local CPA

2009. Pilot Break4Change group starts in February. Agencies involved include FIP, YOT, Rise, TYS, Audioactive, Community CAMHS.

RESEARCH BACKGROUND

Our definition: Child-to Parent Abuse “any act of a child that is intended to cause physical, psychological or financial damage to gain power and control over a parent” Cottrel 2001

Wide spread:

Quantitative surveys: 7-18% two parent families, 29% of one parent families

Qualitative surveys: 4% of all families

Who and why: 50-80% boys. Avoid assumptions

What are we starting with? Both parents and kids shamed, don’t talk about it.

Lots of victim blaming, and guilt. Parents feeling disempowered, isolated. Some parents have defended themselves or retaliated.

Many professionals work on assumption of child as victim, with an assumption of parental incompetence, abuse or neglect

Violence often seen as “acting out”, as expressive not instrumental

Attempts to get child out of home, or use legal process, alienates some parents

Young people: often feeling insecure, stressed, alienated by their behaviour, convinced they are ‘like their dad’, bad, or hopeless. Guilt, ambivalence, disrupted education, depression, homelessness. Tendency for low empathy, egocentrism, stubborn and strong willed. Self esteem varies ( high, unstable, low)

Working with CPA - The story so far:

One to one work: therapeutic strategies ( supporting parental authority, repairing dislocated, containing conflicts, discovering and supporting competence. Increasing accountability, standing up to abuse, rules and consequences, increasing emotional awareness, increasing motivation to change etc..)

A few parents programmes: who's in charge (Gallagher),

Breaking the cycle (Paterson),Toughlove

- Break4change is a first

http://break4change.blogspot.com/

BREAK4CHANGE: THE PROGRAMME

Context ( parallel groups, creative element, group facilitation skills of workers, Brief Solution Focused Approach, pre/post assessments)

Referrals process: referring professionals involvement pre-questionnaire

Wanted people to be at least at pre- / contemplation stage on cycle of change

Funding : time, money to commission audioactive, worker costs

Young persons programme

• Session 1 – Hopes and fears – Goal setting• Session 2 – Incident report – Self esteem • Session 3 – Vignettes – Values and beliefs• Session 4 – Gains and losses – Behaviours• Session 5 – Body map – Cues to anger• Session 6 – Aggression replacement • Session 7 – Cycle of abuse• Session 8 – Feedback and ending

Audioactive

Parents group

• Session 1 - Introductions - What will be different?• Session 2 – Goals – causes of children’s behaviour• Session 3 – What is abuse? – Power/control• Session 4 – What you do for your child -

Consequences• Session 5 – Parenting styles/behaviours -

Assertiveness• Session 6 – Consequences – Anger – Self esteem• Session 7 – Love, affection, self esteem, care,

security• Session 8 – looking after yourself – What has

changed?

Parents programme

Entitlement versus responsibilities

Entitlement

Money

Care and attention

Washing

No rules

No time at home

Pay for phone’s

Latest computer game

Rules and remote control

Servant

Entitlement

Unconditional love

To be cooked for

Freedom

No criticism

No questioning

No limits on internet acess

Latest clothes

Shopping

Smoke drugs at home

What has changed

Teenagers taking responsibility for their own behaviour

Teenagers managing their own anger

The violence has stopped

Not so argumentative

Parents stopped asking teenagers things repeatedly

Teenagers being more patient

More tolerance

More compromise

Helping out in the house more

?

Testimonies

Parent quote

“We all had the same problem.We all thought we were alone.We are not. It’s good toknow…..”

Parents quote

“I am a lot stronger in myselfnow, a lot more determined. It’sbeen brilliant, my life has totallyturned around by going on thiscourse, it’s 100% better.”

Parents quote

“Respect is what I want from him, you learn this. I’ve got a lot of work to do to earn this, it’s work in progress, but I feel I now have the tools in my box to do the job.”

Parents quote

“She comes and sits down calmlybecause I’m listening more, she has tolearn she won’t get my attention byscreaming, now I refuse to engage ifshe does.”

Parent’s quote

“Understanding that his feelings are what need to be dealt with, rather than the actions of his feelings, that’s been so useful… Understanding why he behaves like he does, talking about the root cause rather than the manifestation of his feelings. Now I look deeper at what is happening …knowing this has made me stronger, I get my point across by understanding. I have a name for it, so I don’t get frustrated that he is ignoring me… before I would have met his violence with force.”

Parent’s quotes

“We do talk now instead of ignoring each other or arguing and shouting. She is calmer. If I do ask her to do something I don’t get screamed at anymore. She knows I love her now, as before she used to think I loved her brother more. Now I tell her I love her and I praise her much more. Before there was so much tention, I was always telling her off.”

Parent’s quote

“I felt able to explain that I have the right to say no and felt more confident doing it. I’ve got rights as well. Now I am not feeling guilty for saying no. I used to cave in for a quiet life.”

Young Person’s quote

“Now if she asks me to dosomething I don’t like, I moan butdo it anyway, As long as it’s notdancing, I do it. Now we manage tocome to some agreement.”

Parent’s quote

“ I had been trying to do things for her or I’d help her out or stop her from messing up her life or dropping out of college…. Actually I’ve learnt to hand over some of the responsibilities. Pointing out choices and responsibilities to her and getting a lot less involved, which is a really hard thing for a parent to do.”

Young person’s quote

“Before it would just carry on and on for ages but now its like a short slice, 2 days we have a row, then its all better for a long time.. before, it would be we'd row for a month”

“He is a lot better, calmer, takes more interest when i am a bit down, he is like…more involved, like ringing up and checking that am in, and things like that, its good. He is definitely more strict, too”

Young person’s quote

“Now when we have a row, saying I’ll come to see you and we talk about it. Before i would not have wanted to see him and would have just gone out. .. Now after i have been angry I think about what to do, and try to make it better”

Young person’s quote

“ I am more in control of my temper. The group has kind of made me look at what happens. I now see it as a pattern, that I have some kind of choice in what happens... made me see it more as unacceptable. Made me think that i want to have a good relationship with my mum, i do love her really

“I take myself away from the situation probably sooner. Just more like a boundary of stopping the physical stuff again.”

Evaluation

• How: pre/post questionnaires, semi structured interviews. Action research

• What was I looking for?

- The ability of parents to break the silence and isolation regarding CPV

- Parents' growing sense of empowerment regarding this issue

- Change in parenting behaviour and responses, parents becoming more assertive and more able to defuse and decrease escalation

- Parents increasing their awareness of the impact of their own behaviour on their son/ daughter

- Young people change in attitude regarding entitlement and responsibilities

- Young people able to use some strategies to stop their violent response

- Bias/ Limitations: small sample. Need for follow up at 3&9 months

• Outcomes

Outcomes

• Growing sense of empowerment• Increased awareness and understanding of

their own and their child’s behaviour• Parents becoming more assertive• Parents were developing a broader range of

strategies• Young people were making real progress• Significant reduction in violent incidents

Things we'd do differently

• Intervention needs to be longer

• Both to be run on same night

• One topic per session for parents

• More time for discussions

• Creative work to be introduced to the parents group

• Adding more creative elements to the young people's group

• Insisting on more support from referrers

Future plans

• New Break4Change programme, starting 30th September, for 12 weeks

• Group at new YOT building in central Brighton

• Follow up evaluation Jan 2010

• Toolkit development starts early 2010

• Training for professionals to be designed and run from Spring 2010

• Raising awareness ( blog, newspaper articles etc..)

Future group

• Referral process

Referring to Break4Change

• Secondary age children (11 – 16yrs)• Motivation to change must be evident in young

people.• Lead professional input must be ongoing and linked to

programme. • Ideally, both parent/carer and young person to attend

– but not essential.• Referral Forms for both parent/carer and young

person to be returned 9th September• Group starts Wednesday September 30th at a central

Brighton location 5.30-8pm

Questions and answers

http://www.blizzard.com/diablo3/?rhtml=y