what makes teens tick? implications for parenting barbara b. leblanc, lcsw, bacs
TRANSCRIPT
WHAT MAKES TEENS TICK?
Implications for ParentingBarbara B. LeBlanc, LCSW,
BACS
Working withParents and Adolescents• Identify parenting styles which
support adolescent development
• Identify red flags indicating when to refer a family for counseling
• Provide parenting tips to enhance parent/teen communication
Parenting Styles Diana Baumrind, 1967
PERMISSIVE (too soft)– Goal: Child must find his own way
– View of behavior: I don’t count, child’s needs are more important than mine
– Job: Keep child happy and do not interfere with what he wants
Parenting Styles
AUTHORITARIAN (too hard) – Goal: Control, obedience, order
– View of behavior: Child is being bad
– Job: I must make him stop or control him, I’m the BOSS!
Parenting Styles
AUTHORITATIVE (just right)– Goal: Self-discipline, consideration of
others, ability to mange feelings, cooperation, individuation, order
– View of behavior: Developmentally appropriate
– Job: I must teach and be an effective leader
How Rules are Enforced• PERMISSIVE–No follow through, child pursues own
goals
• AUTHORITARIAN– Attempts to change the child, inflexible,
aggressive, finds fault, punishes, imposes own solutions
• AUTHORITATIVE– Prevention, honesty, response to
circumstances, collaborate to find solutions, logical & natural consequences, teach new skills
Child Outcomes• PERMISSIVE– Loses initiative, blames others, lack of
persistence, impulsive, lacks consideration of others
• AUTHORITARIAN– Relies on others for direction, people
pleaser, can only influence life through rebellion
• AUTHORITATIVE– Develops self-control, self-
determination, able to set goals & take responsibility for actions
Why Does Authoritative Parenting Work?
• Control that appears fair and reasonable to the child is far more likely to be complied with and internalized
• Parents model caring concern as well as confident, self-controlled behavior
• Child internalizes emotion regulation skills, emotional and social understanding
• Strong and caring relationships provide basis for more effective reinforcement
Why Does Authoritative Parenting Work?
• Demands fit a child’s developmental level and ability to take responsibility for own behavior
• Children learn they are competent individuals who can do things successfully
• Fosters high self-esteem, cognitive development, and emotional maturity
Helping Parents Become Responsible
GOOD PARENT
• I must control– Rewards/punishes– Demands obedience– Tries to win
• I am superior– Pities child– Overprotects– Spoils– Shames– Acts self-righteous
RESPONSIBLE PARENT• Child can make
decisions– Permits choices– Encourages attempts– Accepts mistakes as
part of learning
• I am equal– Respects and believes
in child– Encourages
independence– Expects child to
contributeSTEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS
Good Parent
• I am entitled: you owe me– Over concerned with
fairness– Gives with strings
attached
• I must be perfect– Demands perfection – Finds fault– Over concerned with
what others think– Self-image depends on
child’s achievements
Responsible Parent
• I believe in mutual respect– Promotes equality– Encourages mutual
respect– Avoids making child
feel guilty
• I am human; courage to be imperfect– Sets realistic standards– Focuses on strengths– Is patient– Not concerned with
own imageSTEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS
Good Parent
• I don’t count. Others are more important than I– Overindulges– Become “slave”– Gives in to child’s
demands– Feels guilty about
saying no
Responsible Parent
• I believe all people are important– Encourages mutual
respect and contribution
– Refused to be doormat– Knows when to say no
STEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS
HOW TO ENCOURAGE
• SHOW CONFIDENCE– Give responsibility– Ask child’s opinion or advice– Avoid temptation to take over
• BUILD ON STRENGTHS– Acknowledge what child does well– Encourage taking the next step– Concentrate on improvement, not
perfection
• VALUE THE CHILD– Separate worth from accomplishments– Separate worth from misbehavior– Appreciate the child’s uniqueness
• STIMULATE INDEPENDENCE– Avoid pampering the child– Don’t do for child things he/she can do
for himself–Help child develop a sense of
independence
Tips to Enhance Communication
• Build the relationship first– Teens want parents to know them– Find out about interests first, issues
later
• Accept there will be things a teen doesn’t tell parents
• Teens want limits placed on them–Have clear communication about
negotiable and non-negotiable rulesoNon-negotiable: Health, safety, drugs and
alcohol, school attendance, respectoNegotiable: Curfew, phones, homework,
friendships
– Give responsibilitiesoTake care of their bodyoTake care of their possessionsoFamily choresoSchool work
• Teach problem solving– State the problem– State how parent feels about the
issue– Listen to how teen feels about
the issue– Brainstorm for solutions– Set up consequences– Time limit a trial run– Evaluate progress
• Spend time with teens– Value of family meals– Listen more than talk– Take them seriously– Give respect to get respect– Show an interest in having fun
The Typical Teen• Wants parents to know & respect him• Is troubled by peer pressure• Perceives the world through emotionally
charged lenses• Has very few time management skills• Likes the practical and social side of school• Wants limits placed on him• Often feels insecure and anxious about
growing up• Gets in trouble due to inexperience
When to Worry
• Drops out of school and/or social activities
• Spends all the time on computer or video games
• Increasing involvement with unhealthy risk taking
• Self injury• Weight loss/weight gain
When to Refer for Counseling
• Anytime a parent or child asks for a referral
• Moderate or severe depression with change in daily activities
• Suicidal ideation or intent• Suspected substance abuse• Loss of loved one, family discord,
social isolation• Self-injury
RISK ASSESSMENT
• 70% of adolescents are seen annually in primary care pediatric practice
• Teens are willing to talk about mental health issues
• Genetic factors play role in adolescent depression
• Depressed parent most potent risk factor• Adverse life events contribute to early
onset of depression
Keep Developmental Issues in Mind
• Recognize potential power of minor losses in life of a child
• Disturbances in mood, sleep, or appetite may be easier to discuss than peer relationships or school problems
• Chronic illness impacts teens differently
Tips for Parents of Teens
• Provide and encourage opportunities for healthy risk taking
• Eat dinner together at least 3 times a week
• Involve teens in decision-making
• Have as fewnon-negotiable rules as possible