What’s in Frances’ Fridge?

A Photo EssayBy

Frances Morris

First, let’s examine the exterior…

Look closely - you’ll notice that sitting amongst the clutter is a picture of a DFB baby…and it’s not Els or Jane.

I’ll give you a hint…she’s wearing blue and her name rhymes with “Burphy.”

Hi, Murphy!

Red Sox Nation! Woo-Hoo!!

Gas Masks on, please. We’re going in.

On the surface, it might not look too bad.

But wait.

Just wait.

The Fridge Door…

I had no idea how much I could fit into the door of my fridge until I tried to empty it out.

I also had no idea how long most of this stuff had been hiding.

Now I wish I’d left the mystery

unsolved. Instead I’m left with

nightmares of things that should have been thrown away 4 years ago.

Fridge Door

Four years ago I lived in a different house in a different town.

Fridge Door

Conclusion: I travelled with spoiled food, and installed it in my new home.

Fridge Door

If I plant it, will I have a garlic tree?

How old does garlic have to be before it looks like

this?

Grated Parmesan – Sell by: 02/07/08

A relative youngster in my fridge.

Only expired 8 months ago.

Pffft. I laugh at your expiration date!

Horseradish

Do you like horseradish?

I do not. Neither does Robb.

Which is what makes the following so puzzling…

FIVE containers of Horseradish!

Note that two of the bottles are unopened….

Two are unopened…but ALL have expired.

Sell By Dates ranging from December ’04 to

August ’07

Why did I bring expired Horseradish into my new

home?

It’s a mystery.

Just the beginning…

A Collection of Expired Foods I found in my Fridge Door.

Special Notes:

Yeast.

Package says, Faster Rising before 12/2006.

If I’m willing to wait, can I still use it?

Fast-Rising Yeast

A bottle of Poland Spring Sparking Water.

No.Sparkle.Left.

At all.

I prefer my water sparkle-free.

A jalapeno pepper.Sitting by itself.I did not buy it.

PEELS.A blueberry pomegranate malt beverage.

Even more gross than it sounds. Truly.

Sweet and Spicy

Six different kinds of marinades and BBQ sauces.

Again, one is unopened.

I guess Robb is not a fan of Kraft…

Paul, Jack, and Dino

Mustard.

Five different kinds.

Not expired, but still worth examination…

French’s.

A staple in just about every fridge in America.

We’re fancy, so we have the “No Mess Cap”

Mustard, cont’d.

Grey Poupon Deli Brown.

In the Squeeze Bottle “because it’s so much more convenient.”

(Look! It’s made with Horseradish!)

Mustard, cont’d…

Grey Poupon Dijon.

I make no apologies for owning this.

It may be the height of snobbery, but it surely is delicious!

Mustard, cont’d…

InglehofferOriginal Stone Ground.

It says, “Full Strength”.

I’m not sure what that means.

(It is unopened.)

Mustard, cont’d…

Wasabi Mustard.

WTF???

Mustard, cont’d…

Before moving on to the rest of the fridge…

…a distraction in the form of a cute baby.

Awww…

This Queso was truly delicious……when I made it 3 weeks ago.

Think we can still eat it?

It really was tasty…

Queso Dip

I guess not.

Beware Expired Queso

MIL brings these for when she watches the girls on Mondays.

The Sell By on the package saysApril 21.

Any chance it means April 2009??

MIL’s English Muffins

Two more submissions into the “Unopened and Expired” category.

They’ve been in my fridge for at least 6 months.

Cream Cheese

With the exception of an apple and the package of bacon, I dumped this whole thing in the garbage.

I know what’ you’re thinking…

…at least she saved that bacon!

Jane and the Deli Drawer

Hopefully this is from Thanksgiving Weekend.

Otherwise it is left over from a breakfast at my ILs…in October.

Spiral-Cut Ham

Bought about a month ago, but one taste told me it was truly gross.

So why did I put it back in the fridge??

Beef & Vegetable Soup

Look!

Cute Baby!

Shameless Attempt at Distraction

Taking a guess, I’d say this came from my Mom, who sent over leftovers one night so I wouldn’t have to cook.

Could be two weeks old.

Could be two months old.

Basmati Rice

Probably only about a week old.

Not bad, until you realize that it’s intended for an infant!

Pea Puree

This infant, to be specific.

Don’t worry, Jane!

Mommy won’t feed you the yucky old peas!

Nothing but Brand New peas for you, Sweetness!

No need to call DCF on me

I made this for Els on Thanksgiving.

It went very nicely over her broccoli.

Now it has some unidentified liquid on top.

Cheese Sauce with thyme

Not quite sure what’s in here.

Frankly, I’m afraid to remove the cover…

Mystery Bowl

Not too bad.

Elsje’s green beans from last week.

I was looking for those…

Green Beans!

Robb hates sour cream, so I don’t use it often.

So every time I need it I buy a new container.

And then I leave it in the fridge, thinking I’ll find a use for it.

I never find a use for it…

These have all expired.

Sour Cream x 3

Robb and I have very different ideas on the proper way to package leftovers.

This is his way.

Roasted Chicken Flavored Rice

I cannot adequately describe the nastiness that was this salad.

I got it because of the dressing. Ginger-Sesame sounds delicious.

It was not.

So why did I put it back in the fridge?

It’s not like Robb was going to eat it!

Broccoli Slaw with Ginger-Sesame Dressing

I’m no farmer, but I’m pretty sure celery is not supposed to look like this.

Celery

I am sure I didn’t buy this.

I vaguely remember my SIL bringing one over for her daughter.

It was Thanksgiving 2007.

Peaches?

Last chance to admire the pretty baby!

She was amused by the multitude of snarly faces her Mommy made with each new discovery.

Sweet Drooly Baby

I usually don’t use bleach since Robb has a sensitivity to it.

On the other hand, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Die, Germs! Die!

The few things that survived my “White Tornado”.

Sooooo much better.

Success!

Guess what I bought the next day.

Horseradish.

Fridge Door

The freezer will have to wait for another day.

Oy.

I wonder what’s hiding behind all that baby food…

My Freezer.

My reward for a job well done!

Does anyone have and Sprite and pineapple juice?

Stoli Razz