TableofContents

TitlePage

Dedication

Introduction-WhyIWroteThisBook

One-WhyDotheRighteousSuffer?

Two-TheStoryofaManNamedJob

Three-SometimesThereIsNoReason

Four-NoExceptionsforNicePeople

Five-GodLeavesUsRoomtoBeHuman

Six-GodHelpsThoseWhoStopHurtingThemselves

Seven-GodCan’tDoEverything,ButHeCanDoSomeImportantThings

Eight-WhatGood,Then,IsReligion?

Acknowledgments

AbouttheAuthor

ALSOBYHAROLDS.KUSHNER

CopyrightPage

INMEMORYOFAARONZEVKUSHNER

1963–1977

AndDavidsaid:Whilethechildwasyetalive,Ifastedandwept,forIsaid,WhoknowswhethertheLordwillbegracioustomeandthechildwilllive.Butnowthatheisdead,whyshouldIfast?CanIbringhimbackagain?Ishallgotohim,buthewillnotreturntome.

(IISamuel12:22–23)

Introduction

WhyIWroteThisBook

ThisisnotanabstractbookaboutGodandtheology.Itdoesnottrytousebigwordsorcleverwaysofrephrasingquestionsinanefforttoconvinceusthatourproblemsarenotreallyproblems,butthatweonlythinktheyare.Thisisaverypersonalbook,writtenbysomeonewhobelievesinGodandinthegoodnessoftheworld, someonewhohas spentmostofhis life trying tohelpotherpeoplebelieve,andwascompelledbyapersonal tragedytorethinkeverythinghehadbeentaughtaboutGodandGod’sways.

OursonAaronhadjustpassedhisthirdbirthdaywhenourdaughterArielwasborn. Aaron was a bright and happy child, who before the age of two couldidentifyadozendifferentvarietiesofdinosaurandcouldpatientlyexplaintoanadult thatdinosaurswereextinct.MywifeandIhadbeenconcernedabouthishealthfromthetimehestoppedgainingweightattheageofeightmonths,andfromthetimehishairstartedfallingoutafterheturnedoneyearold.Prominentdoctorshadseenhim,hadattachedcomplicatednamestohiscondition,andhadassuredusthathewouldgrowtobeveryshortbutwouldbenormalinallotherways.Justbeforeourdaughter’sbirth,wemovedfromNewYorktoasuburbofBoston,whereIbecametherabbiofthelocalcongregation.Wediscoveredthatthelocalpediatricianwasdoingresearchinproblemsofchildren’sgrowth,andweintroducedhimtoAaron.Twomonthslater—thedayourdaughterwasborn—hevisitedmywife in the hospital, and told us that our son’s conditionwascalledprogeria,“rapidaging.”HewentontosaythatAaronwouldnevergrowmuchbeyondthreefeetinheight,wouldhavenohaironhisheadorbody,wouldlook likea littleoldmanwhilehewasstillachild,andwoulddie inhisearlyteens.

Howdoesonehandlenewslikethat?Iwasayoung,inexperiencedrabbi,notas familiarwith the process of grief as I would later come to be, andwhat Imostlyfeltthatdaywasadeep,achingsenseofunfairness.Itdidn’tmakesense.Ihadbeenagoodperson.IhadtriedtodowhatwasrightinthesightofGod.Morethanthat,IwaslivingamorereligiouslycommittedlifethanmostpeopleIknew, peoplewho had large, healthy families. I believed that Iwas followingGod’swaysanddoingHiswork.Howcouldthisbehappeningtomyfamily?IfGodexisted,ifHewasminimallyfair,letalonelovingandforgiving,howcould

Hedothistome?

AndevenifIcouldpersuademyselfthatIdeservedthispunishmentforsomesinofneglectorpridethatIwasnotawareof,onwhatgroundsdidAaronhaveto suffer? He was an innocent child, a happy, outgoing three-year-old. Whyshouldhehavetosufferphysicalandpsychologicalpaineverydayofhis life?Whyshouldhehavetobestaredat,pointedat,whereverhewent?Whyshouldhebecondemnedtogrowintoadolescence,seeotherboysandgirlsbeginningtodate, and realize that hewould never knowmarriage or fatherhood? It simplydidn’tmakesense.

Likemostpeople,mywifeandIhadgrownupwithanimageofGodasanall-wise,all-powerfulparentfigurewhowouldtreatusasourearthlyparentsdid,orevenbetter.Ifwewereobedientanddeserving,Hewouldrewardus.Ifwegotoutofline,Hewoulddisciplineus,reluctantlybutfirmly.Hewouldprotectusfrombeinghurtorfromhurtingourselves,andwouldseetoitthatwegotwhatwedeservedinlife.

Like most people, I was aware of the human tragedies that darkened thelandscape—the young people who died in car crashes, the cheerful, lovingpeoplewastedbycripplingdiseases,theneighborsandrelativeswhoseretardedor mentally ill children people spoke of in hushed tones. But that awarenessnever droveme to wonder about God’s justice, or to question His fairness. IassumedthatHeknewmoreabouttheworldthanIdid.

Thencame thatday in thehospitalwhen thedoctor toldusaboutAaronandexplainedwhatprogeriameant. It contradictedeverything Ihadbeen taught. Icouldonlyrepeatoverandoveragaininmymind,“Thiscan’tbehappening.Itisnothowtheworldissupposedtowork.”Tragedieslikethisweresupposedtohappentoselfish,dishonestpeoplewhomI,asarabbi,wouldthentrytocomfortbyassuringthemofGod’sforgivinglove.Howcoulditbehappeningtome,tomyson,ifwhatIbelievedabouttheworldwastrue?

IreadrecentlyaboutanIsraelimotherwho,everyyearonherson’sbirthday,would leave the birthday party, go into the privacy of her bedroom, and cry,becausehersonwasnowoneyearclosertomilitaryservice,oneyearclosertoputting his life in danger, possibly one year closer to making her one of thethousands of Israeli parents who would have to stand at the grave of a child

fallen in battle. I read that, and I knew exactly how she felt. Every year, onAaron’s birthday, my wife and I would celebrate. We would rejoice in hisgrowing up and growing in skill. But we would be gripped by the coldforeknowledgethatanotheryear’spassingbroughtusclosertothedaywhenhewouldbetakenfromus.

IknewthenthatonedayIwouldwritethisbook.Iwouldwriteitoutofmyownneed toput intowordssomeof themost important thingsIhavecometobelieveandknow.AndIwouldwriteittohelpotherpeoplewhomightonedayfind themselves in a similar predicament. Iwouldwrite it for all thosepeoplewhowantedtogoonbelieving,butwhoseangeratGodmadeithardforthemtoholdontotheirfaithandbecomfortedbyreligion.AndIwouldwriteitforallthose people whose love for God and devotion to Him led them to blamethemselvesfortheirsufferingandpersuadethemselvesthattheydeservedit.

Therewerenotmanybooks,astherewerenotmanypeople,tohelpuswhenAaron was living and dying. Friends tried, and were helpful, but how muchcould they really do? And the books I turned to were more concerned withdefendingGod’shonor,withlogicalproofthatbadisreallygoodandthatevilisnecessary to make this a good world, than they were with curing thebewildermentandtheanguishoftheparentofadyingchild.Theyhadanswerstoalloftheirownquestions,butnoanswerformine.

Ihope that thisbook isnot like those. I didnot set out towrite abook thatwoulddefendorexplainGod.There isnoneedtoduplicate themanytreatisesalready on the shelves, and even if there were, I am not a formally trainedphilosopher.Iamfundamentallyareligiousmanwhohasbeenhurtbylife,andIwantedtowriteabookthatcouldbegiventothepersonwhohasbeenhurtbylife—bydeath, by illnessor injury, by rejectionor disappointment—andwhoknowsinhisheartthatifthereisjusticeintheworld,hedeservedbetter.WhatcanGodmeantosuchaperson?Wherecanheturnforstrengthandhope?Ifyouaresuchaperson,ifyouwanttobelieveinGod’sgoodnessandfairnessbutfindithardbecauseofthethingsthathavehappenedtoyouandtopeopleyoucareabout,andifthisbookhelpsyoudothat,thenIwillhavesucceededindistillingsomeblessingoutofAaron’spainandtears.

IfIeverfindmybookboggingdownintechnicaltheologicalexplanationsandignoringthehumanpainwhichshouldbeitssubject,Ihopethatthememoryof

whyIsetouttowriteitwillpullmebackoncourse.Aarondiedtwodaysafterhisfourteenthbirthday.Thisishisbook,becauseanyattempttomakesenseoftheworld’spainandevilwillbejudgedasuccessorafailurebasedonwhetheritoffersanacceptableexplanationofwhyheandwehadtoundergowhatwedid.And it ishisbook inanothersenseaswell—becausehis lifemade itpossible,andbecausehisdeathmadeitnecessary.

One

WhyDotheRighteousSuffer?

There isonlyonequestionwhich reallymatters:whydobad thingshappen togood people? All other theological conversation is intellectually diverting;somewhatlikedoingthecrosswordpuzzleintheSundaypaperandfeelingverysatisfiedwhenyouhavemadethewordsfit;butultimatelywithoutthecapacitytoreachpeoplewheretheyreallycare.VirtuallyeverymeaningfulconversationIhaveeverhadwithpeopleonthesubjectofGodandreligionhaseitherstartedwiththisquestion,orgottenaroundtoitbeforelong.Notonlythetroubledmanor woman who has just come from a discouraging diagnosis at the doctor’soffice,butthecollegestudentwhotellsmethathehasdecidedthereisnoGod,orthetotalstrangerwhocomesuptomeatapartyjustwhenIamreadytoaskthehostessformycoat,andsays,“Ihearyou’rearabbi;howcanyoubelievethat . . .”—they all have one thing in common. They are all troubled by theunfairdistributionofsufferingintheworld.

The misfortunes of good people are not only a problem to the people whosuffer and to their families. They are a problem to everyone who wants tobelieveinajustandfairandlivableworld.Theyinevitablyraisequestionsaboutthegoodness,thekindness,eventheexistenceofGod.

Iamtherabbiofacongregationofsixhundredfamilies,orabouttwenty-fivehundredpeople.Ivisittheminthehospital,Iofficiateattheirfunerals,Itrytohelpthemthroughthewrenchingpainoftheirdivorces, theirbusinessfailures,their unhappiness with their children. I sit and listen to them pour out theirstoriesofterminallyillhusbandsorwives,ofsenileparentsforwhomalonglifeisacurseratherthanablessing,ofseeingpeoplewhomtheylovecontortedwithpainorburiedbyfrustration.AndIfinditveryhardtotellthemthatlifeisfair,thatGodgivespeoplewhattheydeserveandneed.Timeaftertime,Ihaveseenfamiliesandevenwholecommunitiesuniteinprayerfortherecoveryofasickperson, only to have their hopes and prayers mocked. I have seen the wrongpeoplegetsick,thewrongpeoplebehurt,thewrongpeopledieyoung.

Likeeveryreaderofthisbook,Ipickupthedailypaperandfreshchallenges

to the idea of the world’s goodness assault my eyes: senseless murders, fatalpracticaljokes,youngpeoplekilledinautomobileaccidentsonthewaytotheirweddingorcominghomefromtheirhighschoolprom.IaddthesestoriestothepersonaltragediesIhaveknown,andIhavetoaskmyself:CanI,ingoodfaith,continuetoteachpeoplethattheworldisgood,andthatakindandlovingGodisresponsibleforwhathappensinit?

Peopledon’thavetobeunusual,saintlyhumanbeingstomakeusconfrontthisproblem.Wemaynotoftenfindourselveswondering,“whydototallyunselfishpeoplesuffer,peoplewhoneverdoanythingwrong?”becausewecometoknowvery few such individuals. But we often find ourselves asking why ordinarypeople,nicefriendlyneighbors,neitherextraordinarilygoodnorextraordinarilybad, should suddenlyhave to face theagonyofpainand tragedy. If theworldwerefair,theywouldnotseemtodeserveit.Theyareneitherverymuchbetternorverymuchworse thanmostpeopleweknow;whyshouldtheir livesbesomuch harder? To ask “Why do the righteous suffer?” or “Why do bad thingshappentogoodpeople?”isnottolimitourconcerntothemartyrdomofsaintsandsages,buttotrytounderstandwhyordinarypeople—ourselvesandpeoplearoundus—shouldhavetobearextraordinaryburdensofgriefandpain.

Iwasayoungrabbijuststartingoutinmyprofession,whenIwascalledontotrytohelpafamilythroughanunexpectedandalmostunbearabletragedy.Thismiddle-agedcouplehadonedaughter,abrightnineteen-year-oldgirlwhowasinher freshman year at an out-of-state college. One morning at breakfast, theyreceivedaphonecallfromtheuniversityinfirmary.“Wehavesomebadnewsforyou.Your daughter collapsedwhilewalking to class thismorning. It seems abloodvesselburst inherbrain.Shediedbeforewecoulddoanything forher.We’reterriblysorry.”

Stunned, the parents asked a neighbor to come in to help themdecidewhatstepstotakenext.Theneighbornotifiedthesynagogue,andIwentovertoseethemthatsameday.Ienteredtheirhome,feelingveryinadequate,notknowinganywordsthatcouldeasetheirpain.Ianticipatedanger,shock,grief,butIdidn’texpecttohearthefirstwordstheysaidtome:“Youknow,Rabbi,wedidn’tfastlastYomKippur.”

Why did they say that? Why did they assume that they were somehowresponsible for this tragedy?Who taught themtobelieve inaGodwhowould

strikedownanattractive,giftedyoungwomanwithoutwarningaspunishmentforsomeoneelse’sritualinfraction?

One of the ways in which people have tried to make sense of the world’ssufferingineverygenerationhasbeenbyassumingthatwedeservewhatweget,thatsomehowourmisfortunescomeaspunishmentforoursins:

Tell therighteousitshallbewellwiththem,fortheyshalleat thefruitof theirdeeds.Woetothewicked,itshallbeillwithhim,forwhathishandshavedoneshallbedonetohim.(Isaiah3:10–11)

ButEr,Judah’sfirst-born,waswickedinthesightoftheLord,andtheLordslewhim.(Genesis38:7)

No ills befall the righteous, but the wicked are filled with trouble. (Proverbs12:21)

Consider, what innocent ever perished, or where have the righteous beendestroyed?(Job14:7)

This is an attitudewewillmeet later in the bookwhenwe discuss thewholequestionofguilt.Itistemptingatoneleveltobelievethatbadthingshappentopeople (especially other people) because God is a righteous judge who givesthemexactlywhat theydeserve.Bybelieving that,wekeep theworldorderlyandunderstandable.Wegivepeoplethebestpossiblereasonforbeinggoodandforavoidingsin.Andbybelievingthat,wecanmaintainanimageofGodasall-loving, all-powerful, and totally in control.Given the realityof humannature,giventhefactthatnoneofusisperfectandthateachofuscan,withouttoomuchdifficulty, thinkof thingshehasdonewhichhe shouldnothavedone,wecanalwaysfindgroundsforjustifyingwhathappenstous.Buthowcomforting,howreligiouslyadequate,issuchananswer?

ThecouplewhomItriedtocomfort,theparentswhohadlosttheironlychildat age nineteen with no warning, were not profoundly religious people. Theywerenot active in the synagogue; theyhadnot even fastedonYomKippur, atradition which even many otherwise nonobservant Jews maintain. But whentheywere stunned by tragedy, they reverted back to the basic belief thatGodpunishespeoplefortheirsins.Theysattherefeelingthattheirdaughter’sdeath

had been their fault; had they been less selfish and less lazy about the YomKippurfastsomesixmonthsearlier,shemightstillbealive.TheysatthereangryatGodforhavingexactedHispoundoffleshsostrictly,butafraidtoadmittheirangerforfearthatHewouldpunishthemagain.Lifehadhurtthem,andreligioncouldnotcomfortthem.Religionwasmakingthemfeelworse.

TheideathatGodgivespeoplewhattheydeserve,thatourmisdeedscauseourmisfortune, is a neat and attractive solution to the problem of evil at severallevels, but it has a number of serious limitations.Aswe have seen, it teachespeople to blame themselves. It creates guilt even where there is no basis forguilt. Itmakes people hateGod, even as itmakes themhate themselves.Andmostdisturbingofall,itdoesnotevenfitthefacts.

Perhapsifwehadlivedbeforetheeraofmasscommunications,wecouldhavebelieved this thesis, as many intelligent people of those centuries did. It waseasiertobelievethen.Youneededtoignorefewercasesofbadthingshappeningtogoodpeople.Withoutnewspapersandtelevision,withouthistorybooks,youcouldshrugofftheoccasionaldeathofachildorofasaintlyneighbor.Weknowtoomuchabouttheworldtodothattoday.Howcananyonewhorecognizesthenames Auschwitz and My Lai, or has walked the corridors of hospitals andnursinghomes,daretoanswerthequestionoftheworld’ssufferingbyquotingIsaiah:“Tell therighteous itshallbewellwith them”?Tobelieve that today,apersonwouldeitherhavetodenythefactsthatpressuponhimfromeveryside,orelsedefinewhathemeansby“righteous”inordertofittheinescapablefacts.Wewouldhave tosay thata righteouspersonwasanyonewho lived longandwell, whether or not he was honest and charitable, and a wicked person wasanyonewhosuffered,evenifthatperson’slifewasotherwisecommendable.

Atruestory:aneleven-year-oldboyofmyacquaintancewasgivenaroutineeye examination at school and found to be just nearsighted enough to requireglasses.Noonewasterriblysurprisedatthenews.Hisparentsbothwearglasses,as does his older sister.But for some reason, the boywas deeply upset at theprospect,andwouldnot tellanyonewhy.Finally,onenightashismotherwasputtinghimtobed,thestorycameout.Aweekbeforetheeyeexamination,theboyand twoolder friendswere looking throughapileof trash thataneighborhad set out for collection, and found a copy of themagazinePlayboy.With asense that they were doing something naughty, they spent several minuteslooking at the pictures of unclothedwomen.When, a few days later, the boy

failed the eye test at school andwas found to need glasses, he jumped to theconclusionthatGodhadbeguntheprocessofpunishinghimwithblindnessforlookingatthosepictures.

Sometimeswetrytomakesenseoflife’strialsbysayingthatpeopledoinfactgetwhattheydeserve,butonlyoverthecourseoftime.Atanygivenmoment,lifemayseemunfairandinnocentpeoplemayappeartobesuffering.Butifwewait long enough, we believe, we will see the righteousness of God’s planemerge.

So, for example, the Ninety-second Psalm praises God for the wonderful,flawlessly righteousworldHehas given us, and hints that foolish people findfaultwithitbecausetheyareimpatientanddon’tgiveGodthetimeittakesforHisjusticetoemerge.

HowgreatareYourdeeds,OLord,Yourthoughtsareverydeep.Theignorantmandoesnotcomprehendthem,Nordoesthefoolunderstandthem.Whenthewickedspringuplikegrass,Andworkersofiniquityflourish,Itisthattheymaybedestroyedforever....Therighteousshallflourishlikethepalmtree,AndgrowmightylikeacedarofLebanon....TodeclarethattheLordisupright,MyRockinWhomthereisnounrighteousness.

(Psalm92:6–8,13,16)

The psalmist wants to explain the world’s apparent evil as in no waycompromising God’s justice and righteousness. He does it by comparing thewickedtograss,andtherighteoustoapalmtreeorcedar.Ifyouplantgrassseedandapalmtreeseedonthesameday,thegrasswillstarttosproutmuchsooner.At that point, a personwho knew nothing about naturemight predict that thegrasswouldultimatelygrowtobehigherandstrongerthanthepalmtree,sinceitwasgrowingfaster.Buttheexperiencedobserverwouldknowthattheheadstartofthegrasswasonlytemporary, that itwouldwitheranddieinafewmonths,while the treewould grow slowly, butwould grow to be tall and straight and

wouldlastformorethanageneration.

Sotoo,thepsalmistsuggests,foolishimpatientpeopleseetheprosperityofthewickedandthesufferingoftheupright,andjumptotheconclusionthatitpaysto bewicked.Let themobserve the situation over the long run, he notes, andtheywillseethewickedwitherlikethegrass,andtherighteousprosperslowlybutsurely,likethepalmtreeorcedar.

If I could meet the author of the Ninety-second Psalm, I would firstcongratulate himonhaving composed amasterpieceof devotional literature. Iwouldacknowledge thathehassaidsomethingperceptiveandimportantabouttheworldwelivein,thatbeingdishonestandunscrupulousoftengivespeopleahead start, but that justice catches up to them.AsRabbiMiltonSteinberghaswritten,“Considerthepatternofhumanaffairs:howfalsehood,havingnolegs,cannotstand;howeviltendstodestroyitself;howeverytyrannyhaseventuallyinvoked its own doom. Now set against this the staying power of truth andrighteousness.Couldthecontrastbesosharpunlesssomethingintheschemeofthingsdiscouragedevilandfavoredthegood?”(AnatomyofFaith)

But having said that, I would be obliged to point out that there is a lot ofwishfulthinkinginhistheology.EvenifIweretograntthatwickedpeopledon’tget awaywith their wickedness, that they pay for it in oneway or another, Icannot sayAmen to his claim that “the righteous flourish like the palm tree.”Thepsalmistwouldhaveusbelievethat,givenenoughtime,therighteouswillcatchupandsurpassthewickedinattainingthegoodthingsoflife.HowdoesheexplainthefactthatGod,whoispresumablybehindthisarrangement,doesnotalways give the righteous man time to catch up? Some good people dieunfulfilled; others find length of days to be more of a punishment than aprivilege.Theworld,alas,isnotsoneataplaceasthepsalmistwouldhaveusbelieve.

Ithinkofanacquaintanceofminewhobuiltupamodestlysuccessfulbusinessthroughmanyyears of hardwork, only to be driven into bankruptcywhenhewascheatedbyamanhehadtrusted.Icantellhimthatthevictoryofevilovergoodisonly temporary, that theotherperson’sevilwayswillcatchup tohim.But in the meantime, my acquaintance is a tired, frustrated man, no longeryoung, and grown cynical about the world. Who will send his children tocollege,whowillpay themedicalbills thatgowithadvancingage,during the

years it takes forGod’s justice to catch upwith him?Nomatter howmuch Iwouldliketobelieve,withMiltonSteinberg,thatjusticewillultimatelyemerge,canIguaranteethathewilllivelongenoughtoseehimselfvindicated?IfindIcannotsharetheoptimismofthepsalmistthattherighteous,inthelongrun,willflourishlikethepalmtreeandgivetestimonytoGod’suprightness.

Often,victimsofmisfortunetrytoconsolethemselveswiththeideathatGodhas His reasons for making this happen to them, reasons that they are in nopositiontojudge.IthinkofawomanIknownamedHelen.

The trouble started when Helen noticed herself getting tired after walkingseveralblocksorstandinginline.Shechalkedituptogettingolderandhavingput on some weight. But one night, coming home after dinner with friends,Helenstumbledoverthethresholdofthefrontdoor,sentalampcrashingtothefloor, and fell to the floorherself.Herhusband tried to joke abouthergettingdrunkontwosipsofwine,butHelensuspectedthatitwasnojokingmatter.Thefollowingmorning,shemadeanappointmenttoseeadoctor.

The diagnosis was multiple sclerosis. The doctor explained that it was adegenerative nerve disease, and that it would gradually get worse, maybequickly,maybegraduallyovermanyyears.At somepointHelenwould find itharder to walk without support. Eventually she would be confined to awheelchair, losebowel andbladder control, andbecomemoreandmoreof aninvaliduntilshedied.

TheworstofHelen’sfearshadcometrue.Shebrokedownandcriedwhensheheard that. “Why should this happen tome? I’ve tried to be a good person. Ihave a husband and young children who needme. I don’t deserve this.WhyshouldGodmakemesufferlikethis?”Herhusbandtookherhandandtriedtoconsoleher:“Youcan’ttalklikethat.GodmusthaveHisreasonsfordoingthis,andit’snotforustoquestionHim.YouhavetobelievethatifHewantsyoutogetbetter,youwillgetbetter,andifHedoesn’t,therehastobesomepurposetoit.”

Helen tried to find peace and strength in those words. She wanted to becomforted by the knowledge that there was some purpose to her suffering,beyondhercapacitytounderstand.Shewantedtobelievethatitmadesenseatsomelevel.Allherlife,shehadbeentaught—atreligiousschoolandinscience

classes alike—that the world made sense, that everything that happened,happenedforareason.Shewantedsodesperatelytogoonbelievingthat,toholdon to her belief thatGodwas in charge of things, because ifHewasn’t,whowas? Itwashard to livewithmultiple sclerosis,but itwasevenharder to livewith the idea that things happened to people for no reason, thatGod had losttouchwiththeworldandnobodywasinthedriver’sseat.

Helen didn’t want to question God or be angry at Him. But her husband’swordsonlymadeherfeelmoreabandonedandmorebewildered.Whatkindofhigherpurposecouldpossiblyjustifywhatshewouldhavetoface?Howcouldthis in anyway be good?Much as she tried not to be angry atGod, she feltangry, hurt, betrayed. She had been a good person; not perfect, perhaps, buthonest,hard-working,helpful,asgoodasmostpeopleandbetterthanmanywhowerewalkingaroundhealthy.WhatreasonscouldGodpossiblyhavefordoingthistoher?Andontopofitall,shefeltguiltyforbeingangryatGod.Shefeltaloneinherfearandsuffering.IfGodhadsentherthisaffliction,ifHe,forsomereason,wantedhertosuffer,howcouldsheaskHimtocureherofit?

In 1924 the novelist ThorntonWilder attempted to confront this question ofquestionsinhisnovelTheBridgeofSanLuisRey.Oneday inasmall towninPeru,aropebridgeoverachasmbreaksandthefivepeoplewhoarecrossingthebridgefalltotheirdeaths.AyoungCatholicpriesthappenstobewatching,andis troubledby the event.Was it sheer accident, orwas it somehowGod’swillthatthosefivepeopleshoulddiethatway?Heinvestigatestheirlifestories,andcomes toanenigmaticconclusion:all fivehadrecently resolvedaproblematicsituationintheirlivesandwerenowabouttoenteranewphase.Perhapsitwasanappropriatetimeforeachofthemtodie,thinksthepriest.

I confess that I find that answer ultimately unsatisfying. For Wilder’s fivepedestriansonaropebridge,letussubstitutetwohundredandfiftypassengersonanairplanethatcrashes.Itstrainstheimaginationtoclaimthateverysingleoneofthemhadjustpassedapointofresolutioninhislife.Thehuman-intereststoriesinthenewspapersafteraplanecrashseemtoindicatetheopposite—thatmanyofthevictimswereinthemiddleofimportantwork,thatmanyleftyoungfamilies and unfulfilled plans. In a novel,where the author’s imagination cancontrolthefacts,suddentragediescanhappentopeoplewhentheplotcallsforit.Butexperiencehastaughtmethatreallifeisnotallthatneat.

Itmay be that ThorntonWilder came to that conclusion himself.More thanfortyyearsafterwritingTheBridgeofSanLuisRey,anolderandwiserWilderreturnedtothequestionofwhygoodpeoplesufferinanothernovel,TheEighthDay.Thebooktellsthestoryofagoodanddecentmanwhoselifeisruinedbybad luckandhostility.Heandhis familysufferalthough theyare innocent.Atthe end of the novel, where the reader would hope for a happy ending, withheroes rewardedandvillainspunished, there isnone. Instead,Wilderoffersustheimageofabeautifultapestry.Lookedatfromtherightside,itisanintricatelywovenworkofart,drawing together threadsofdifferent lengthsandcolors tomake up an inspiring picture. But turn the tapestry over, and you will see ahodgepodgeofmanythreads,someshortandsomelong,somesmoothandsomecut and knotted, going off in different directions. Wilder offers this as hisexplanationofwhygoodpeoplehavetosufferinthislife.Godhasapatternintowhichallofourlivesfit.Hispatternrequiresthatsomelivesbetwisted,knotted,orcutshort,whileothersextendtoimpressivelengths,notbecauseonethreadismoredeservingthananother,butsimplybecausethepatternrequiresit.Lookedatfromunderneath,fromourvantagepointinlife,God’spatternofrewardandpunishmentseemsarbitraryandwithoutdesign,liketheundersideofatapestry.Butlookedatfromoutsidethis life,fromGod’svantagepoint,everytwistandknotisseentohaveitsplaceinagreatdesignthataddsuptoaworkofart.

Thereismuchthatismovinginthissuggestion,andIcanimaginethatmanypeoplewouldfinditcomforting.Pointlesssuffering,sufferingaspunishmentforsomeunspecifiedsin, ishardtobear.Butsufferingasacontributiontoagreatwork of art designed by God Himself may be seen, not only as a tolerableburden, but even as a privilege. So one victim of medieval misfortune issupposedtohaveprayed,“TellmenotwhyImustsuffer.AssuremeonlythatIsufferforThysake.”

On closer examination, however, this approach is foundwanting. For all itscompassion,ittooisbasedinlargemeasureonwishfulthinking.Thecripplingillness of a child, the death of a young husband and father, the ruin of aninnocent person through malicious gossip—these are all real. We have seenthem.ButnobodyhasseenWilder’s tapestry.Allhecansay tous is“Imaginethat theremight be such a tapestry.” I find it very hard to accept hypotheticalsolutionstorealproblems.

Howseriouslywouldwetakeapersonwhosaid,“IhavefaithinAdolfHitler,

orinJohnDillinger.Ican’texplainwhytheydidthethingstheydid,butIcan’tbelieve theywouldhavedone themwithout a good reason.”Yet people try tojustify the deaths and tragedies God inflicts on innocent victims with almostthesesamewords.

Furthermore,myreligiouscommitmenttothesupremevalueofanindividuallife makes it hard for me to accept an answer that is not scandalized by aninnocent person’s pain, that condones human pain because it supposedlycontributes to anoverallworkof estheticvalue. If ahumanartistor employermadechildrensuffersothatsomethingimmenselyimpressiveorvaluablecouldcometopass,wewouldputhiminprison.WhythenshouldweexcuseGodforcausingsuchundeservedpain,nomatterhowwonderfultheultimateresultmaybe?

Helen,contemplatingalifeofphysicalpainandmentalanguish,findsthatherillnesshasrobbedherofherchildhoodfaithinGodandinthegoodnessoftheworld. She challenges her family, her friends, her clergyman, to explain whysuchaterriblethingshouldhappentoher,orforthatmattertoanyone.IftherereallyisaGod,saysHelen,shehatesHim,andhateswhatever“granddesign”causedHimtoinflictsuchmiseryonher.

Let us now consider another question:Can suffering be educational?Can itcureusofourfaultsandmakeusbetterpeople?Sometimesreligiouspeoplewhowould like to believe that God has good reasons for making us suffer, try toimaginewhatthosereasonsmightbe.InthewordsofoneofthegreatOrthodoxJewishteachersofourtime,RabbiJosephB.Soloveitchik,“Sufferingcomestoennoble man, to purge his thoughts of pride and superficiality, to expand hishorizons. Insum, thepurposeofsuffering is to repair thatwhich is faulty inaman’spersonality.”

Justasaparentsometimeshastopunishachildwhomheloves,forthechild’ssake, so God has to punish us. A parent who pulls his child out of a busyroadway,orrefusestogivehimacandybarbeforesupper,isnotbeingmeanorpunitive or unfair. He or she is just being a concerned, responsible parent.Sometimesaparentevenhastopunishachild,withaspankingoradeprivation,inorder todrivehomea lesson.Thechildmayfeel thathe isbeingarbitrarilydeprivedofsomethingall theotherchildrenhave,andhemaywonderwhyanostensiblylovingparentshouldtreathimthatway,butthatisbecauseheisstilla

child.Whenhegrowsup,hewillcometounderstandthewisdomandnecessityofit.

Similarly,wearetold,Godtreatsusthewayawiseandcaringparenttreatsanaivechild,keepingusfromhurtingourselves,withholdingsomethingwemaythinkwewant,punishingusoccasionally tomake sureweunderstand thatwehave done something seriously wrong, and patiently enduring our tempertantrumsatHis“unfairness”intheconfidencethatwewillonedaymatureandunderstand that it was all for our own good. “For whom the Lord loves, Hechastises,evenasafatherdoestothesonheloves.”(Proverbs3:12)

Thenewspapersrecentlycarriedthestoryofawomanwhohadspentsixyearstraveling around theworld buying antiques, preparing to set up a business.Aweek before she was ready to open, a wayward bolt of lightning set off anelectricalfireinablockofstores,andseveralshops,includinghers,wereburneddown. The goods, being priceless and irreplaceable, were insured for only afraction of their value. And what insurance settlement could compensate amiddle-agedwomanforsixyearsofher lifespent insearchingandcollecting?The poor woman was distraught. “Why did this have to happen?Why did ithappentome?”Onefriend,tryingtoconsoleher,wasquotedassaying,“MaybeGod is trying to teach you a lesson. Maybe He is trying to tell you that Hedoesn’t want you to be rich. He doesn’t want you to be a successfulbusinesswoman,caughtupinprofit-and-lossstatementsalldaylongandannualtrips to the Far East to buy things. He wants you to put your energies intosomethingelse,andthiswasHiswayofgettingHismessageacrosstoyou.”

Acontemporaryteacherhasusedthisimage:ifamanwhoknewnothingaboutmedicineweretowalkintotheoperatingroomofahospitalandseedoctorsandnurses performing an operation, he might assume that they were a band ofcriminalstorturingtheirunfortunatevictim.Hewouldseethemtyingthepatientdown,forcingaconeoverhisnoseandmouthsothathecouldnotbreathe,andsticking knives and needles into him. Only someone who understood surgerywouldrealizethattheyweredoingallthistohelpthepatient,nottotormenthim.Sotoo,itissuggested,GoddoespainfulthingstousasHiswayofhelpingus.

Consider the case ofRon, a young pharmacistwho ran a drugstorewith anolderpartner.WhenRonboughtintothebusiness,hisoldercolleaguetoldhimthatthestorehadrecentlybeenthetargetofaseriesofholdupsbyyoungdrug

addicts looking for drugs and cash. One day, when Ronwas almost ready tocloseup,ateenagejunkiepulledasmall-caliberhandgunonhimandaskedfordrugsandmoney.Ronwaswillingtoloseaday’sreceiptsratherthantrytobeahero.Hewenttoopenthecashregister,hishandstremblingashedidso.Asheturned, he stumbled and reached for the counter to brace himself. The robberthought he was going for a gun, and fired. The bullet went through Ron’sabdomenandlodgedinhisspinalcord.Doctorsremovedit,butthedamagehadbeendone.Ronwouldneverwalkagain.

Friendstriedtoconsolehim.Someheldhishandandcommiseratedwithhim.Some toldhimofexperimentaldrugsdoctorswereusingonparaplegics,orofmiraculousspontaneousrecoveriestheyhadreadabout.Otherstriedtohelphimunderstandwhathadhappenedtohim,andtoanswerhisquestion,“Whyme?”

“I have to believe,” one friend said, “that everything that happens in life,happensforapurpose.Somehoworother,everythingthathappenstousismeantforourgood.Lookatitthisway.Youwerealwaysaprettycockyguy,popularwithgirls, flashycars, confidentyouweregoing tomakea lotofmoney.Youneverreallytooktimetoworryaboutthepeoplewhocouldn’tkeepupwithyou.MaybethisisGod’swayofteachingyoualesson,makingyoumorethoughtful,moresensitivetoothers.Maybethis isGod’swayofpurgingyouofprideandarrogance,andthinkingabouthowyouweregoingtobesuchasuccess.It’sHiswayofmakingyouabetter,moresensitiveperson.”

Thefriendwantedtobecomforting,tomakesenseofthissenselessaccident.But if you were Ron, what would your reaction have been? Ron remembersthinking that if he hadn’t been confined to a hospital bed, he would havepunchedtheotherman.Whatrightdidanormal,healthyperson—apersonwhowouldsoonbedrivinghome,walkingupstairs,lookingforwardtoplayingtennis—havetotellhimthatwhathadhappenedtohimwasgoodandwasinhisbestinterests?

Theproblemwithalineofreasoninglikethisoneisthatitisn’treallymeanttohelpthesuffererortoexplainhissuffering.ItismeantprimarilytodefendGod,tousewordsandideastotransformbadintogoodandpainintoprivilege.SuchanswersarethoughtupbypeoplewhobelieveverystronglythatGodisalovingparentwhocontrolswhathappenstous,andonthebasisofthatbeliefadjustandinterpret the facts to fit their assumption. It may be true that surgeons stick

knives into people to help them, but not everyone who sticks a knife intosomebodyelseisasurgeon.Itmaybetruethatsometimeswehavetodopainfulthings to people we love for their benefit, but not every painful thing thathappenstousisbeneficial.

IwouldfinditeasiertobelievethatIexperiencetragedyandsufferinginorderto “repair” that which is faulty in my personality if there were some clearconnection between the fault and the punishment. A parent who disciplines achildfordoingsomethingwrong,butnevertellshimwhatheisbeingpunishedfor, is hardly a model of responsible parenthood. Yet, those who explainsufferingasGod’swayofteachingustochangeareatalosstospecifyjustwhatitisaboutuswearesupposedtochange.

EquallyunhelpfulwouldbetheexplanationthatRon’saccidenthappenednottomakehimamoresensitiveperson,but tomakehis friendsandfamilymoresensitive to the handicapped than they would otherwise have been. PerhapswomengivebirthtodwarfedorretardedchildrenaspartofGod’splantodeepenandenlargetheirsouls,toteachthemcompassionandadifferentkindoflove.

Wehaveall readstoriesof littlechildrenwhowere leftunwatchedfor justamomentandfell fromawindowor intoaswimmingpoolanddied.WhydoesGodpermit sucha thing tohappen toan innocentchild? Itcan’tbe to teachachildalessonaboutexploringnewareas.Bythetimethelessonisover,thechildisdead.Isittoteachtheparentsandbaby-sitterstobemorecareful?Thatistootrivial a lesson to be purchased at the price of a child’s life. Is it tomake theparents more sensitive, more compassionate people, more appreciative of lifeand health because of their experience? Is it tomove them towork for bettersafetystandards,andinthatwaysaveahundredfuturelives?Thepriceisstilltoohigh,andthereasoningshowstoolittleregardforthevalueofanindividuallife. Iamoffendedby thosewhosuggest thatGodcreates retardedchildrensothat those around themwill learn compassion and gratitude.Why shouldGoddistort someone else’s life to such a degree in order to enhance my spiritualsensitivity?

Ifwecannotsatisfactorilyexplainsufferingbysayingwedeservewhatweget,orbyviewing it asa“cure” forour faults, canweaccept the interpretationoftragedyasatest?Manyparentsofdyingchildrenareurgedtoreadthetwenty-secondchapteroftheBookofGenesistohelpthemunderstandandaccepttheir

burden. In that chapter, God orders Abraham to take his son Isaac, whom heloves,andofferhim toGodasahumansacrifice.Thechapterbeginswith thewords “It came to pass after all thesematters that the Lord testedAbraham.”GodhadAbrahamgothroughthatordealtotesthisloyaltyandthestrengthofhisfaith.Whenhepassedthetest,Godpromisedtorewardhimliberallyforthestrengthhehadshown.

ForthosewhohavedifficultywiththenotionofaGodwhoplayssuchsadisticgameswithHismostfaithfulfollower,proponentsofthisviewexplainthatGodknowshowthestorywillend.Heknowsthatwewillpassthetest,asAbrahamdid,withourfaithintact(though,inAbraham’scase,thechilddidnotdie).Heputsustothetestsothatwewilldiscoverhowstrongandfaithfulweare.

TheTalmud,thecompilationoftheteachingsoftherabbisbetweentheyears200 B.C. and A.D. 500, explains Abraham’s test this way: If you go to themarketplace, youwill see the potter hitting his clay potswith a stick to showhowstrongandsolid theyare.But thewisepotterhitsonly thestrongestpots,never the flawed ones. So too, God sends such tests and afflictions only topeopleHeknowsarecapableofhandlingthem,sothattheyandotherscanlearntheextentoftheirspiritualstrength.

Iwas theparentof ahandicapped child for fourteenyears, until his death. Iwas not comforted by this notion that God had singled me out because HerecognizedsomespecialspiritualstrengthwithinmeandknewthatIwouldbeable tohandle itbetter. Itdidn’tmakemefeel“privileged,”nordid ithelpmeunderstand why God has to send handicapped children into the lives of ahundredthousandunsuspectingfamilieseveryyear.

Writer Harriet Sarnoff Schiff has distilled her pain and tragedy into anexcellentbook,TheBereavedParent.Sheremembers thatwhenheryoungsondied during an operation to correct a congenital heart malfunction, herclergyman tookherasideandsaid,“Iknowthat this isapainful timeforyou.But I know that youwill get through it all right, becauseGodnever sends usmoreofaburdenthanwecanbear.GodonlyletthishappentoyoubecauseHeknows that you are strong enough to handle it.”Harriet Schiff remembers herreactionto thosewords:“IfonlyIwasaweakerperson,Robbiewouldstillbealive.”

DoesGod“temperthewindtotheshornlamb”?DoesHeneveraskmoreofusthanwecanendure?Myexperience,alas,hasbeenotherwise.Ihaveseenpeoplecrack under the strain of unbearable tragedy. I have seen marriages break upafter the death of a child, because parents blamed each other for not takingpropercareorforcarryingthedefectivegene,orsimplybecausethememoriestheysharedwereunendurablypainful.Ihaveseensomepeoplemadenobleandsensitivethroughsuffering,butIhaveseenmanymorepeoplegrowcynicalandbitter. Ihaveseenpeoplebecomejealousof thosearoundthem,unable to takepart in the routines of normal living. I have seen cancers and automobileaccidentstakethelifeofonememberofafamily,andfunctionallyendthelivesoffiveothers,whocouldneveragainbethenormal,cheerfulpeopletheywerebeforedisasterstruck.IfGodistestingus,Hemustknowbynowthatmanyofus fail the test. IfHe isonlygivingusburdenswecanbear, I have seenHimmiscalculatefartoooften.

Whenall else fails, somepeople try to explain sufferingbybelieving that itcomestoliberateusfromaworldofpainandleadustoabetterplace.Ireceivedaphonecallonedayinformingmethatafive-year-oldboyinourneighborhoodhadrunoutintothestreetafteraball,hadbeenhitbyacarandkilled.Ididn’tknowtheboy;hisfamilywasnotpartofthecongregation.Butseveralchildrenfrom the congregation had known him and played with him. Their mothersattendedthefuneral,andsomeofthemtoldmeaboutitafterwards.

Intheeulogy,thefamily’sclergymanhadsaid,“Thisisnotatimeforsadnessortears.Thisisatimeforrejoicing,becauseMichaelhasbeentakenoutofthisworldofsinandpainwithhisinnocentsoulunstainedbysin.Heisinahappierlandnowwherethereisnopainandnogrief;letusthankGodforthat.”

Iheardthat,andIfeltsobadforMichael’sparents.Notonlyhadtheylostachild without warning, they were being told by the representative of theirreligion that they should rejoice in the fact that he had died so young and soinnocent,andIcouldn’tbelievethattheyfeltmuchlikerejoicingatthatmoment.Theyfelthurt, theyfeltangry, theyfelt thatGodhadbeenunfair to them,andhere was God’s spokesman telling them to be grateful to God for what hadhappened.

Sometimesinourreluctancetoadmitthatthereisunfairnessintheworld,wetrytopersuadeourselvesthatwhathashappenedisnotreallybad.Weonlythink

that it is. It is only our selfishness that makes us cry because five-year-oldMichaeliswithGodinsteadoflivingwithus.Sometimes,inourcleverness,wetrytopersuadeourselvesthatwhatwecallevilisnotreal,doesnotreallyexist,but is only a condition of not enough goodness, even as “cold” means “notenoughheat,”ordarkness is anamewegive to the absenceof light.Wemaythus“prove”thatthereisreallynosuchthingasdarknessorcold,butpeopledostumbleandhurtthemselvesbecauseofthedark,andpeopledodieofexposureto cold. Their deaths and injuries are no less real because of our verbalcleverness.

Sometimes, because our souls yearn for justice, because we so desperatelywanttobelievethatGodwillbefairtous,wefastenourhopesontheideathatlife in thisworld isnot theonlyreality.Somewherebeyondthis life isanotherworldwhere“thelastshallbefirst”andthosewhoseliveswerecutshorthereonearthwillbereunitedwiththosetheyloved,andwillspendeternitywiththem.

Neither Inoranyother livingpersoncanknowanythingabout the realityofthathope.Weknowthatourphysicalbodiesdecayafterwedie.Iforonebelievethatthepartofuswhichisnotphysical,thepartwecallthesoulorpersonality,doesnotandcannotdie.ButIamnotcapableofimaginingwhatasoulwithoutabody looks like.Willwe be able to recognize disembodied souls as being thepeoplewehadknownandloved?Willamanwholosthisfatheratayoungage,andthenlivedafulllife,beolder,younger,orthesameageashisfatherintheworld-to-come?Willthesoulsoftheretardedortheshort-temperedbesomehowmadewholeinHeaven?

Peoplewhohavebeenclosetodeathandrecoveredtellofseeingabrightlightand being greeted by someone they had loved, nowdeceased.After our son’sdeath,ourdaughterdreamedthatshehaddiedandwaswelcomedintoHeavenbyherbrother,nowgrownnormal,andbyhergrandmother(whohaddied theyearbefore).Needlesstosay,wehavenowayofknowingwhetherthesevisionsareintimationsofrealityorproductsofourownwishfulthinking.

Belief in a world to come where the innocent are compensated for theirsuffering can help people endure the unfairness of life in this world withoutlosingfaith.Butitcanalsobeanexcusefornotbeingtroubledoroutragedbyinjustice around us, and not using our God-given intelligence to try to dosomethingabout it.Thedictateofpracticalwisdomforpeople inoursituation

might be to remainmindful of the possibility that our lives continue in someformafterdeath,perhapsinaformourearthlyimaginationscannotconceiveof.Butatthesametime,sincewecannotknowforsure,wewouldbewelladvisedtotakethisworldasseriouslyaswecan,incaseitturnsouttobetheonlyonewewilleverhave,andtolookformeaningandjusticehere.

Alltheresponsestotragedywhichwehaveconsideredhaveatleastonethingincommon.TheyallassumethatGodisthecauseofoursuffering,andtheytrytounderstandwhyGodwouldwantustosuffer.Isitforourowngood,orisitapunishmentwedeserve,orcoulditbe thatGoddoesnotcarewhathappenstous?Manyof theanswerswere sensitiveand imaginative,butnonewas totallysatisfying.Some ledus to blameourselves in order to spareGod’s reputation.Othersaskedustodenyrealityortorepressourtruefeelings.Wewerelefteitherhating ourselves for deserving such a fate, or hatingGod for sending it to uswhenwedidnotdeserveit.

There may be another approach. Maybe God does not cause our suffering.Maybe it happens for some reason other than the will of God. The psalmistwrites,“I liftmineeyes to thehills; fromwheredoesmyhelpcome?MyhelpcomesfromtheLord,makerofHeavenandearth.”(Psalm121:1–2)Hedoesnotsay,“MypaincomesfromtheLord,”or“mytragedycomesfromtheLord.”Hesays“myhelpcomesfromtheLord.”

CoulditbethatGoddoesnotcausethebadthingsthathappentous?CoulditbethatHedoesn’tdecidewhichfamiliesshallgivebirthtoahandicappedchild,that He did not single out Ron to be crippled by a bullet or Helen by adegenerativedisease,but rather thatHestandsreadytohelp themanduscopewithour tragedies ifwecouldonlygetbeyond the feelingsofguilt andangerthatseparateusfromHim?Coulditbethat“HowcouldGoddothistome?”isreallythewrongquestionforustoask?

The most profound and complete consideration of human suffering in theBible,perhapsinallofliterature,istheBookofJob.Itistoanexaminationofthatbookthatwenowturn.

Two

TheStoryofaManNamedJob

About twenty-fivehundredyears ago, aman livedwhosenamewewill neverknow,butwhohasenrichedthemindsandlivesofhumanbeingseversince.Hewas a sensitivemanwho sawgoodpeople getting sick anddying aroundhimwhileproudandselfishpeopleprospered.Heheardall thelearned,clever,andpious attempts to explain life, and hewas as dissatisfiedwith them aswe aretoday.Becausehewasapersonofrareliteraryandintellectualgifts,hewrotealongphilosophicalpoemon the subjectofwhyGod letsbad thingshappen togoodpeople.ThispoemappearsintheBibleastheBookofJob.

ThomasCarlylecalledtheBookofJob“themostwonderfulpoemofanyageand language; our first, oldest statement of the never-ending problem—man’sdestinyandGod’swaywithhimhereinthisearth....Thereisnothingwrittenin theBibleoroutof itofequal literarymerit.” Ihavebeen fascinatedby theBookofJobeversinceIlearnedofitsexistence,andhavestudiedit,rereadit,andtaughtitanynumberoftimes.IthasbeensaidthatjustaseveryactoryearnstoplayHamlet,everyBiblestudentyearnstowriteacommentaryontheBookof Job. It is a hard book to understand, a profound and beautiful book on themostprofoundofsubjects,thequestionofwhyGodletsgoodpeoplesuffer.Itsargument ishardtofollowbecause, throughsomeof thecharacters, theauthorpresentsviewshehimselfprobablydidnotaccept,andbecausehewrote inanelegantHebrewwhich,thousandsofyearslater,isoftenhardtotranslate.Ifyoucompare two English translations of Job, you may wonder if they are bothtranslationsofthesamebook.Oneofthekeyversescanbetakentomeaneither“IwillfearGod”or“IwillnotfearGod,”andthereisnowayofknowingforsurewhattheauthorintended.Thefamiliarstatementoffaith“IknowthatmyRedeemerlives”maymeaninstead“IwouldratherberedeemedwhileIamstillalive.” But much of the book is clear and forceful, and we can try ourinterpretiveskillsontherest.

WhowasJob,andwhatisthebookthatbearshisname?Along,longtimeago,scholars believe, there must have been a well-known folk story, a kind ofmoralityfabletoldtoreinforcepeople’sreligioussentiments,aboutapiousman

namedJob.Jobwassogood,soperfect,thatyourealizeatoncethatyouarenotreadingaboutareal-lifeperson.Thisisa“once-upon-a-time”storyaboutagoodmanwhosuffered.

Oneday, the story goes, Satan appears beforeGod to tellHimabout all thesinfulthingspeopleweredoingonearth.GodsaystoSatan,“DidyounoticeMyservant Job? There is no one on earth like him, a thoroughly goodmanwhoneversins.”SatananswersGod,“OfcourseJobispiousandobedient.Youmakeit worth his while, showering riches and blessings on him. Take away thoseblessingsandseehowlongheremainsYourobedientservant.”

GodacceptsSatan’schallenge.Without inanywaytellingJobwhat isgoingon,God destroys Job’s house and cattle and kills his children.He afflicts Jobwithboilsalloverhisbody,sothathiseverymomentbecomesphysicaltorture.Job’swifeurgeshimtocurseGod,evenifthatmeansGod’sstrikinghimdead.Hecan’tdoanythingworsetoJobthanHealreadyhasdone.ThreefriendscometoconsoleJob,andtheytoourgehimtogiveuphispiety,ifthisistherewarditbringshim.ButJobremainssteadfastinhisfaith.NothingthathappenstohimcanmakehimgiveuphisdevotiontoGod.Attheend,Godappears,scoldsthefriends for their advice, and rewards Job forhis faithfulness.Godgiveshimanewhome, a new fortune, and new children.Themoral of the story is:whenhardtimesbefallyou,don’tbetemptedtogiveupyourfaithinGod.HehasHisreasonsforwhatHeisdoing,andifyouholdontoyourfaithlongenough,Hewillcompensateyouforyoursuffering.

Over thegenerations,manypeoplemusthavebeen told that story.Some,nodoubt,werecomfortedbyit.Otherswereshamedintokeepingtheirdoubtsandcomplaints to themselves after hearing Job’s example. Our anonymous authorwasbotheredbyit.WhatkindofGodwouldthatstoryhaveusbelievein,whowouldkill innocentchildrenandvisitunbearableanguishonHismostdevotedfollower in order to prove a point, in order,we almost feel, towin a betwithSatan?Whatkindofreligion is thestoryurgingonus,whichdelights inblindobedienceandcalls it sinful toprotestagainst injustice?Hewassoupsetwiththis pious old fable that he took it, turned it inside out, and recast it as aphilosophicalpoeminwhichthecharacters’positionsarereversed.Inthepoem,Job does complain against God, and now it is the friends who uphold theconventionaltheology,theideathat“noillsbefalltherighteous.”

In an effort to comfort Job, whose children have died andwho is sufferingfromtheboils,thethreefriendssayallthetraditional,piousthings.Inessence,they preach the point of view contained in the original Job-fable: Don’t losefaith,despitethesecalamities.WehavealovingFatherinHeaven,andHewillseetoitthatthegoodprosperandthewickedarepunished.

Job,whohasprobably spoken these samewords innumerable times toothermourners,realizesforthefirsttimehowhollowandoffensivetheyare.Whatdoyoumean,Hewillseetoitthatthegoodprosperandthewickedarepunished?!Areyouimplyingthatmychildrenwerewickedandthatiswhytheydied?AreyousayingthatIamwicked,andthatiswhyallthisishappeningtome?WherewasIsoterrible?WhatdidIdothatwassomuchworsethananythingyoudid,thatIshouldsuffersomuchworseafate?

Thefriendsarestartledbythisoutburst.Theyrespondbysayingthatapersoncan’texpectGodtotellhimwhatheisbeingpunishedfor.(Atonepoint,oneofthe friends says, in effect, “What do you want from God, an itemized reportabouteverytimeyoutoldalieorignoredabeggar?GodistoobusyrunningaworldtoinviteyoutogooverHisrecordswithHim.”)Wecanonlyassumethatnobody is perfect, and thatGod knowswhatHe is doing. Ifwe don’t assumethat,theworldbecomeschaoticandunlivable.

Andsothatargumentcontinues.Jobdoesn’tclaimtobeperfect,butsaysthathehastried,morethanmostpeople,toliveagoodanddecentlife.HowcanGodbea lovingGod ifHe isconstantlyspyingonpeople, ready topounceonanyimperfection in an otherwise good record, and use that to justify punishment?AndhowcanGodbeajustGodifsomanywickedpeoplearenotpunishedashorriblyasJobis?

Thedialoguebecomesheated,evenangry.Thefriendssay:Job,youreallyhadusfooled.Yougaveustheimpressionthatyouwereaspiousandreligiousasweare.Butnowweseehowyouthrowreligionoverboardthefirsttimesomethingunpleasant happens to you. You are proud, arrogant, impatient, andblasphemous.NowonderGodisdoingthistoyou.Itjustprovesourpointthathumanbeingscanbe fooledas towho is a saint andwho is a sinner,butyoucan’tfoolGod.

AfterthreecyclesofdialogueinwhichwealternatelywitnessJobvoicinghis

complaints and the friends defending God, the book comes to its thunderousclimax.TheauthorbrilliantlyhasJobmakeuseofaprincipleofbiblicalcriminallaw: if aman is accused of wrongdoingwithout proof, hemay take an oath,swearingtohis innocence.At thatpoint, theaccusermusteithercomeupwithevidenceagainsthimordropthecharges.Inalongandeloquentstatementthattakesupchapters29and30ofthebiblicalbook,Jobswearstohisinnocence.Heclaimsthatheneverneglectedthepoor,nevertookanythingthatdidnotbelongtohim, never boastedof hiswealth or rejoiced in his enemy’smisfortune.HechallengesGod to appearwith evidence, or to admit that Job is right and hassufferedwrongly.

AndGodappears.

Therecomesaterriblewindstorm,outofthedesert,andGodanswersJoboutofthewhirlwind.Job’scaseissocompelling,hischallengesoforceful,thatGodHimself comes down to earth to answer him. But God’s answer is hard tounderstand.Hedoesn’ttalkaboutJob’scaseatall,neithertodetailJob’ssinsnorto explainhis suffering. Instead,He says to Job, in effect,Whatdoyouknowabouthowtorunaworld?

WherewereyouwhenIplannedtheearth?Tellme,ifyouarewise.Doyouknowwhotookitsdimensions,Measuringitslengthwithacord?...WereyoutherewhenIstoppedthesea...Andsetitsboundaries,saying,“Hereyoumaycome,Butnofurther”?Haveyouseenwherethesnowisstored,Orvisitedthestorehouseofthehail?...Doyoutelltheantelopewhentocalve?Doyougivethehorsehisstrength?Doyoushowthehawkhowtofly?(Job38,39)

AndnowaverydifferentJobanswers,saying,“Iputmyhandtomymouth. Ihavesaidtoomuchalready;nowIwillspeaknomore.”

TheBookofJobisprobablythegreatest,fullest,mostprofounddiscussionof

thesubjectofgoodpeoplesufferingeverwritten.Partofitsgreatnessliesinthefactthattheauthorwasscrupulouslyfairtoallpointsofview,eventhosehedidnotaccept.ThoughhissympathiesareclearlywithJob,hemakessurethat thespeechesof the friendsareascarefully thoughtoutandascarefullywrittenasarehishero’swords.Thatmakesforgreatliterature,butitalsomakesithardtounderstandhismessage.WhenGod says, “Howdare you challenge theway Irunmyworld?Whatdoyouknowaboutrunningaworld?”isthatsupposedtobe the last word on the subject, or is that just one more paraphrase of theconventionalpietyofthattime?

To try to understand the book and its answer, let us take note of threestatementswhicheveryoneinthebook,andmostofthereaders,wouldliketobeabletobelieve:

God is all-powerful and causes everything that happens in the world.NothinghappenswithoutHiswillingit.

Godisjustandfair,andstandsforpeoplegettingwhattheydeserve,sothatthegoodprosperandthewickedarepunished.

Jobisagoodperson.

As long as Job is healthy and wealthy, we can believe all three of thosestatementsatthesametimewithnodifficulty.WhenJobsuffers,whenheloseshispossessions,hisfamilyandhishealth,wehaveaproblem.Wecannolongermakesenseofallthreepropositionstogether.Wecannowaffirmanytwoonlybydenyingthethird.

IfGodisbothjustandpowerful,thenJobmustbeasinnerwhodeserveswhatishappening tohim. If Job isgoodbutGodcauseshissufferinganyway, thenGodisnotjust.IfJobdeservedbetterandGoddidnotsendhissuffering,thenGod is not all-powerful.We can see the argument of the Book of Job as anargumentoverwhichofthethreestatementswearepreparedtosacrifice,sothatwecankeeponbelievingintheothertwo.

Job’s friendsareprepared tostopbelieving in (C), theassertion thatJob isagood person. Theywant to believe inGod as they have been taught to. Theywant tobelieve thatGodisgoodand thatGodis incontrolof things.Andthe

onlyway theycando that is toconvince themselves that Jobdeserveswhat ishappeningtohim.

TheystartouttrulywantingtocomfortJobandmakehimfeelbetter.Theytrytoreassurehimbyquotingallthemaximsoffaithandconfidenceonwhichtheyand Job alike were raised. They want to comfort Job by telling him that theworlddoesinfactmakesense,thatitisnotachaotic,meaninglessplace.Whattheydonotrealizeis that theycanonlymakesenseof theworld,andofJob’ssuffering, bydeciding that he deserveswhat he has gone through.To say thateverythingworksoutinGod’sworldmaybecomfortingtothecasualbystander,but it isan insult to thebereavedand theunfortunate.“Cheerup, Job,nobodyever gets anything he doesn’t have coming to him” is not a very cheeringmessagetosomeoneinJob’scircumstances.

But it ishard for the friends tosayanythingelse.Theybelieve,andwant tocontinuebelieving, inGod’s goodness andpower.But if Job is innocent, thenGodmustbeguilty—guiltyofmakinganinnocentmansuffer.Withthatatstake,theyfind iteasier tostopbelieving inJob’sgoodness than tostopbelieving inGod’sperfection.

Itmay also be that Job’s comforters could not be objective aboutwhat hadhappened to their friend.Their thinkingmayhavebeenconfusedby theirownreactionsofguiltandreliefthatthesemisfortuneshadbefallenJobandnotthem.There is a German psychological term, Schadenfreude, which refers to theembarrassingreactionofreliefwefeelwhensomethingbadhappenstosomeoneelse instead of to us. The soldier in combatwho sees his friend killed twentyyardsawaywhilehehimselfisunhurt,thepupilwhoseesanotherchildgetintotrouble for copying on a test—they don’twish their friends ill, but they can’thelpfeelinganembarrassingspasmofgratitudethatithappenedtosomeoneelseandnottothem.LikethefriendswhotriedtocomfortRonorHelen,theyhearavoiceinsidethemsaying,“Itcouldjustaseasilyhavebeenme,”andtheytrytosilence itbysaying,“No, that’snot true.There isa reasonwhyithappened tohimandnottome.”

We see this psychology at work elsewhere, blaming the victim so that evildoesn’t seem quite so irrational and threatening. If the Jews had behaveddifferently, Hitler would not have been driven to murder them. If the youngwomanhadnotbeensoprovocativelydressed,themanwouldnothaveassaulted

her. If peopleworked harder, theywould not be poor. If society did not tauntpoor people by advertising things they cannot afford, they would not steal.Blamingthevictimisawayofreassuringourselvesthattheworldisnotasbadaplaceas itmayseem,and that therearegoodreasonsforpeople’ssuffering. Ithelps fortunate people believe that their good fortune is deserved, rather thanbeing amatter of luck. Itmakes everyone feel better—except thevictim,whonow suffers the double abuse of social condemnation on top of his originalmisfortune.This is theapproachof Job’s friends, andwhile itmay solve theirproblem,itdoesnotsolveJob’s,orours.

Job, for his part, is unwilling to hold the world together theologically byadmitting that he is a villain. He knows a lot of things intellectually, but heknowsonethingmoredeeply.Jobisabsolutelysurethatheisnotabadperson.He may not be perfect, but he is not so much worse than others, by anyintelligiblemoralstandard,thatheshoulddeservetolosehishome,hischildren,hiswealthandhealthwhileotherpeoplegettokeepallthosethings.AndheisnotpreparedtolietosaveGod’sreputation.

Job’ssolutionis torejectproposition(B), theaffirmationofGod’sgoodness.Job is in fact a goodman, but God is so powerful that He is not limited byconsiderationsoffairnessandjustice.

A philosophermight put it thisway:Godmay choose to be fair and give apersonwhathedeserves,punishingthewickedandrewardingtherighteous.Butcanwesaylogicallythatanall-powerfulGodmustbefair?WouldHestillbeall-powerfulifwe,bylivingvirtuouslives,couldcompelHimtoprotectandrewardus?OrwouldHe then be reduced to a kind of cosmic vendingmachine, intowhichweinserttherightnumberoftokensandfromwhichwegetwhatwewant(withtheoptionofkickingandcursingthemachineifitdoesn’tgiveuswhatwepaid for)? An ancient sage is said to have rejoiced at the world’s injustice,saying, “Now I can do God’s will out of love for Him and not out of self-interest.”Thatis,hecouldbeamoral,obedientpersonoutofsheerloveforGod,without thecalculation thatmoralobedientpeoplewillbe rewardedwithgoodfortune.HecouldloveGodevenifGoddidnotlovehiminreturn.Theproblemwith such an answer is that it tries to promote justice and fairness and at thesame time tries to celebrate God for being so great that He is beyond thelimitationsofjusticeandfairness.

Job seesGod as being above notions of fairness, being so powerful that nomoralrulesapplytoHim.GodisseenasresemblinganOrientalpotentate,withunchallengedpowerover the lifeandpropertyofhissubjects.And in fact, theold fableof JobdoespictureGod in just thatway, as adeitywhoafflicts Jobwithoutanymoralqualmsinordertotesthisloyalty,andwhofeelsthatHehas“madeitup”toJobafterwardbyrewardinghimlavishly.TheGodofthefable,heldupasafiguretobeworshipedforsomanygenerations,isverymuchlikean(insecure)ancientking,rewardingpeoplenotfortheirgoodnessbutfortheirloyalty.

So Job constantly wishes that there were an umpire to mediate betweenhimselfandGod,someoneGodwouldhavetoexplainHimselfto.ButwhenitcomestoGod,heruefullyadmits,therearenorules.“BeholdHesnatchesawayand who can hinder Him?Who can say to Him,What are You doing?” (Job9:12)

How does Job understand hismisery?He says, we live in an unjust world,fromwhichwe cannot expect fairness. There is a God, but He is free of thelimitationsofjusticeandrighteousness.

What about the anonymous author of the book?What is his answer to theriddleoflife’sunfairness?Asindicated,itishardtoknowjustwhathethoughtandwhat solutionhehad inmindwhenhe setout towritehisbook. It seemsclear that he has put his answer into God’s mouth in the speech from thewhirlwind,comingasitdoesattheclimaxofthebook.Butwhatdoesitmean?Is it simply that Job is silenced by finding out that there is aGod, that therereallyissomeoneinchargeupthere?ButJobneverdoubtedthat.ItwasGod’ssympathy,accountability,andfairnessthatwereatissue,notHisexistence.IstheanswerthatGodissopowerfulthatHedoesn’thavetoexplainHimselftoJob?ButthatispreciselywhatJobhasbeenclaimingthroughoutthebook:ThereisaGod,andHe is sopowerful thatHedoesn’thave tobe fair.Whatnew insightdoes theauthorbringbyhavingGodappearandspeak, if that isallHehas tosay,andwhyisJobsoapologeticifitturnsoutthatGodagreeswithhim?

IsGodsaying,assomecommentatorssuggest,thatHehasotherconsiderationstoworry about, besides thewelfare of one individual human being, whenHemakesdecisionsthataffectourlives?IsHesayingthat,fromourhumanvantagepoint, our sicknesses and business failures are the most important things

imaginable,butGodhasmoreonHismindthanthat?TosaythatistosaythatthemoralityoftheBible,withitsstressonhumanvirtueandthesanctityoftheindividual life, is irrelevant toGod,and thatcharity, justice,and thedignityoftheindividualhumanbeinghavesomesourceotherthanGod.Ifthatweretrue,manyofuswouldbetemptedtoleaveGod,andseekoutandworshipthatsourceofcharity,justice,andhumandignityinstead.

Letme suggest that the author of theBook of Job takes the positionwhichneither Job nor his friends take. He believes in God’s goodness and in Job’sgoodness,andispreparedtogiveuphisbeliefinproposition(A):thatGodisall-powerful.Badthingsdohappentogoodpeopleinthisworld,butitisnotGodwhowills it. Godwould like people to get what they deserve in life, but Hecannot always arrange it. Forced to choose between a good God who is nottotallypowerful, or apowerfulGodwho isnot totallygood, the authorof theBookofJobchoosestobelieveinGod’sgoodness.

ThemostimportantlinesintheentirebookmaybetheonesspokenbyGodinthesecondhalfofthespeechfromthewhirlwind,chapter40,verses9–14:

HaveyouanarmlikeGod?CanyouthunderwithavoicelikeHis?Youtreaddownthewickedwheretheystand,Burytheminthedusttogether...ThenwillIacknowledgethatyourownrighthandCangiveyouvictory.

I take these lines tomean “if you think that it is so easy to keep theworldstraight and true, to keep unfair things from happening to people, you try it.”Godwants the righteous to livepeaceful,happy lives,but sometimesevenHecan’tbringthatabout.ItistoodifficultevenforGodtokeepcrueltyandchaosfromclaimingtheirinnocentvictims.Butcouldman,withoutGod,doitbetter?

Thespeechgoeson,inchapter41,todescribeGod’sbattlewiththeseaserpentLeviathan.Withgreateffort,Godisabletocatchhiminanetandpinhimwithfishhooks,butitisnoteasy.Iftheseaserpentisasymbolofchaosandevil,ofall the uncontrollable things in the world (as it traditionally is in ancientmythology), theauthormaybesayingthere toothatevenGodhasahardtimekeepingchaosincheckandlimitingthedamagethatevilcando.

Innocentpeopledosuffermisfortunes in this life.Thingshappen to themfarworsethantheydeserve—theylosetheirjobs,theygetsick,theirchildrensufferormakethemsuffer.Butwhenithappens,itdoesnotrepresentGodpunishingthemforsomethingtheydidwrong.ThemisfortunesdonotcomefromGodatall.

Theremaybe a senseof loss at coming to this conclusion. In away, itwascomforting to believe in an all-wise, all-powerful God who guaranteed fairtreatmentandhappyendings,whoreassuredus thateverythinghappenedforareason, even as lifewas easier for uswhenwe could believe that our parentswerewise enough to knowwhat to do and strong enough tomake everythingturnout right.But itwascomforting theway the religionof Job’s friendswascomforting:itworkedonlyaslongaswedidnottaketheproblemsofinnocentvictimsseriously.WhenwehavemetJob,whenwehavebeenJob,we cannotbelieve in that sortofGodany longerwithoutgivingupourown right to feelangry,tofeelthatwehavebeentreatedbadlybylife.

From that perspective, there ought to be a sense of relief in coming to theconclusionthatGodisnotdoingthistous.IfGodisaGodofjusticeandnotofpower, thenHecanstillbeonoursidewhenbad thingshappen tous.Hecanknowthatwearegoodandhonestpeoplewhodeservebetter.OurmisfortunesarenoneofHisdoing,andsowecanturntoHimforhelp.Ourquestionwillnotbe Job’squestion “God,whyareYoudoing this tome?”but rather “God, seewhat is happening tome.CanYou helpme?”Wewill turn toGod, not to bejudgedorforgiven,nottoberewardedorpunished,buttobestrengthenedandcomforted.

Ifwehavegrownup,asJobandhisfriendsdid,believinginanall-wise,all-powerful, all-knowingGod, itwill be hard for us, as itwas hard for them, tochange ourway of thinking aboutHim (as itwas hard for us,whenwewerechildren,torealizethatourparentswerenotall-powerful,thatabrokentoyhadtobethrownoutbecausetheycouldnotfixit,notbecausetheydidnotwantto).But ifwe can bring ourselves to acknowledge that there are some thingsGoddoesnotcontrol,manygoodthingsbecomepossible.

Wewill be able to turn toGod for thingsHe can do to help us, instead ofholdingontounrealisticexpectationsofHimwhichwillnevercomeabout.TheBible,afterall,repeatedlyspeaksofGodasthespecialprotectorofthepoor,the

widow,andtheorphan,withoutraisingthequestionofhowithappenedthattheybecamepoor,widowed,ororphanedinthefirstplace.

Wecanmaintainourownself-respectandsenseofgoodnesswithouthavingtofeel thatGodhas judged us and condemnedus.We can be angry atwhat hashappenedtous,withoutfeelingthatweareangryatGod.Morethanthat,wecanrecognize our anger at life’s unfairness, our instinctive compassion at seeingpeoplesuffer,ascomingfromGodwhoteachesustobeangryatinjusticeandtofeelcompassionfortheafflicted.InsteadoffeelingthatweareopposedtoGod,wecanfeelthatourindignationisGod’sangeratunfairnessworkingthroughus,thatwhenwecryout,wearestillonGod’sside,andHeisstillonours.

Three

SometimesThereIsNoReason

“Ifthebadthingsthathappentousaretheresultsofbadluck,andnotthewillofGod,” a woman askedme one evening after I had delivered a lecture onmytheology, “what makes bad luck happen?” I was stumped for an answer.Myinstinctive responsewas that nothingmakes bad luck happen; it just happens.ButIsuspectedthattheremustbemoretoitthanthat.

ThisisperhapsthephilosophicalideawhichisthekeytoeverythingelseIamsuggestinginthisbook.Canyouaccepttheideathatsomethingshappenfornoreason,thatthereisrandomnessintheuniverse?Somepeoplecannothandlethatidea.They look for connections, strivingdesperately tomake senseof all thathappens.Theyconvince themselves thatGod is cruel,or that theyare sinners,rather than accept randomness. Sometimes, when they have made sense ofninety percent of everything they know, they let themselves assume that theother ten percent makes sense also, but lies beyond the reach of theirunderstanding.Butwhy dowe have to insist on everything being reasonable?Why must everything happen for a specific reason? Why can’t we let theuniversehaveafewroughedges?

Icanmoreorlessunderstandwhyaman’smindmightsuddenlysnap,sothathegrabsashotgunandrunsoutintothestreet,shootingatstrangers.Perhapsheis an army veteran, haunted by memories of things he has seen and done incombat.Perhapshehasencounteredmorefrustrationandrejectionthanhecanbearathomeandatwork.Hehasbeentreatedlikea“nonperson,”someonewhodoesnothavetobetakenseriously,untilhisrageboilsoverandhedecides,“I’llshowthemthatImatterafterall.”

To grab a gun and shoot at innocent people is irrational, unreasonablebehavior,butIcanunderstandit.WhatIcannotunderstandiswhyMrs.Smithshouldbewalkingon thatstreetat thatmoment,whileMrs.Brownchooses tostepintoashoponawhimandsavesherlife.WhyshouldMr.Joneshappentobe crossing the street, presenting a perfect target to themadmarksman,whileMr.Green,whoneverhasmorethanonecupofcoffeeforbreakfast,choosestolinger over a second cup that morning and is still indoors when the shootingstarts?Thelivesofdozensofpeoplewillbeaffectedbysuchtrivial,unplanneddecisions.

Iunderstandthathot,dryweather,weekswithoutrain,increasesthedangerofforestfire,sothataspark,amatch,orsunlightfocusedonashardofglass,cansetaforestablaze.Iunderstandthatthecourseofthatfirewillbedeterminedby,among other things, the direction in which the wind blows. But is there asensibleexplanationforwhywindandweathercombinetodirectaforestfireonagivendaytowardcertainhomesratherthanothers,trappingsomepeopleinsideandsparingothers?Orisitjustamatterofpureluck?

Whenamanand awoman join inmaking love, theman’s ejaculate swarmswithtensofmillionsofspermcells,eachonecarryingaslightlydifferentsetofbiologicallyinheritedcharacteristics.Nomoralintelligencedecideswhichoneofthoseteemingmillionswillfertilizeawaitingegg.Someofthespermcellswillcauseachildtobebornwithaphysicalhandicap,perhapsafatalmalady.Otherswill give himnot only goodhealth, but superior athletic ormusical ability, orcreative intelligence.A child’s lifewill bewholly shaped, the lives of parentsandrelativeswillbedeeplyaffected,bytherandomdeterminationofthatrace.

Sometimes many more lives may be affected. Robert and SuzanneMassie,parentsofaboywithhemophilia,didwhatmostparentsofafflictedchildrendo.Theyreadeverythingtheycouldabouttheirson’sailment.Theylearnedthattheonly son of the last czar of Russia was a hemophiliac, and in Robert’s bookNicholasandAlexandra,hespeculatedonwhetherthechild’sillness,theresultoftherandommatingofthe“wrong”spermwiththe“wrong”egg,mighthavedistracted and upset the royal parents and affected their ability to govern,bringing on the Bolshevik Revolution. He suggested that Europe’s mostpopulousnationmayhavechangeditsformofgovernment,affectingthelivesofeveryoneinthetwentiethcentury,becauseofthatrandomgeneticoccurrence.

SomepeoplewillfindthehandofGodbehindeverythingthathappens.Ivisitawomaninthehospitalwhosecarwasrunintobyadrunkendriverrunningaredlight.Hervehiclewastotallydemolished,butmiraculouslysheescapedwithonlytwocrackedribsandafewsuperficialcutsfromflyingglass.Shelooksupatme fromherhospitalbedandsays,“NowIknow there isaGod. If Icouldcomeoutofthataliveandinonepiece,itmustbebecauseHeislookingoutformeupthere.”Ismileandkeepquiet,runningtheriskoflettingherthinkthatIagreewithher(whatrabbiwouldbeopposedtobeliefinGod?),becauseitisnotthetimeorplaceforatheologyseminar.ButmymindgoesbacktoafuneralIconducted two weeks earlier, for a young husband and father who died in a

similardrunk-drivercollision;andIrememberanothercase,achildkilledbyahit-and-rundriverwhile roller-skating;andall thenewspaperaccountsof livescutshortinautomobileaccidents.ThewomanbeforememaybelievethatsheisalivebecauseGodwantedhertosurvive,andIamnotinclinedtotalkheroutofit, but what would she or I say to those other families? That they were lessworthythanshe, lessvaluableinGod’ssight?ThatGodwantedthemtodieatthatparticulartimeandmanner,anddidnotchoosetosparethem?

Remember our discussion in chapter 1 of ThorntonWilder’sBridge of SanLuisRey?Whenfivepeoplefalltotheirdeaths,BrotherJuniperinvestigatesandlearns thateachof thefivehadrecently“put things together” inhis life.He istemptedtoconcludethattheropebridge’sbreakingwasnotanaccident,butanaspectofGod’sprovidence.Therearenoaccidents.Butwhen lawsofphysicsand metal fatigue cause a wing to fall off an airplane, or when humancarelessnesscausesengine failure, so thataplanecrashes,killing twohundredpeople, was it God’s will that those two hundred should chance to be on adoomedplanethatday?Andifthetwohundredandfirstpassengerhadaflattireonthewaytotheairportandmissedtheflight,grumblingandcursinghisluckashesawtheplanetakeoffwithouthim,wasitGod’swillthatheshouldlivewhiletheothersdied?Ifitwere,IwouldhavetowonderaboutwhatkindofmessageGod was sending us with His apparently arbitrary acts of condemning andsaving.

WhenMartinLutherKing,Jr.,waskilledinApril1968,muchwasmadeofthefactthathehadpassedhispeakasablackleader.Manyalludedtothespeechhegavethenightbeforehisdeath,inwhichhesaidthat,likeMoses,hehad“beentothemountaintopandseenthePromisedLand,”implyingthat,likeMoses,hewould die before he reached it. Rather than accept his death as a senselesstragedy,many,likeWilder’sBrotherJuniper,sawevidencethatGodtookMartinLutherKingat just the rightmoment, tosparehim theagonyof livingouthisyears as a “has-been,” a rejected prophet. I could never accept that line ofreasoning.IwouldliketothinkthatGodisconcerned,notonlywiththeegoofoneblack leader,butwith theneedsof tensofmillionsofblackmen,women,andchildren.ItwouldbehardtoexplaininwhatwaytheywerebetteroffforDr.King’shavingbeenmurdered.Whycan’tweacknowledgethattheassassinationwasanaffronttoGod,evenasitwastous,andasidetrackingofHispurposes,ratherthanstrainourimaginationstofindevidenceofGod’sfingerprintsonthe

murderweapon?

Soldiersincombatfiretheirweaponsatananonymous,facelessenemy.Theyknowthattheycannotletthemselvesbedistractedbythinkingthatthesoldierontheothersidemaybeanice,decentpersonwithalovingfamilyandapromisingcareer waiting at home. Soldiers understand that a speeding bullet has noconscience,thatafallingmortarshellcannotdiscriminatebetweenthosewhosedeathwouldbe a tragedy and thosewhowouldnever bemissed.That iswhysoldiers develop a certain fatalism about their chances, speaking of the bulletwiththeirnameonit,oftheirnumbercomingup,ratherthancalculatingwhethertheydeservetodieornot.ThatiswhytheArmywillnotsendthesolesurvivingson of a bereaved family into combat, because the Army understands that itcannotrelyonGodtomakethingscomeoutfairly,evenastheBiblelongagoorderedhomefromthearmyeverymanwhohadjustbetrothedawifeorbuiltanew home, lest he die in battle and never come to enjoy them. The ancientIsraelites,foralltheirprofoundfaithinGod,knewthattheycouldnotdependonGodtoimposeamorallyacceptablepatternonwherethearrowslanded.

Letus askagain: Is there alwaysa reason,ordo some things justhappenatrandom,fornocause?

“Inthebeginning,”theBibletellsus,“Godcreatedtheheavenandtheearth.Theearthwas formlessandchaotic,withdarknesscoveringeverything.”ThenGodbegantoworkHiscreativemagiconthechaos,sortingthingsout,imposingorderwheretherehadbeenrandomnessbefore.Heseparatedthelightfromthedarkness,theearthfromthesky,thedrylandfromthesea.Thisiswhatitmeanstocreate:nottomakesomethingoutofnothing,buttomakeorderoutofchaos.Acreativescientistorhistoriandoesnotmakeupfactsbutordersfacts;heseesconnections between them rather than seeing themas randomdata.A creativewriter does not make up new words but arranges familiar words in patternswhichsaysomethingfreshtous.

So it was with God, fashioning a world whose overriding principle wasorderliness,predictability, inplaceof thechaoswithwhichHestarted: regularsunrises and sunsets, regular tides, plants and animals that bore seeds insidethemso that theycould reproduce themselves, eachafter itsownkind.By theendofthesixthday,GodhadfinishedtheworldHehadsetouttomake,andontheseventhdayHerested.

But supposeGoddidn’t quite finish by closing timeon the afternoonof thesixthday?Weknowtodaythattheworldtookbillionsofyearstotakeshape,notsixdays.TheCreationstoryinGenesisisaveryimportantoneandhasmuchtosaytous,butitssix-daytimeframeisnotmeanttobetakenliterally.Supposethat Creation, the process of replacing chaos with order, were still going on.Whatwouldthatmean?InthebiblicalmetaphorofthesixdaysofCreation,wewould find ourselves somewhere in themiddle of Friday afternoon.Manwasjustcreatedafew“hours”ago.Theworldismostlyanorderly,predictableplace,showingampleevidenceofGod’sthoroughnessandhandiwork,butpocketsofchaos remain.Mostof the time, theeventsof theuniverse follow firmnaturallaws.Buteverynowandthen,thingshappennotcontrarytothoselawsofnaturebut outside them. Things happen which could just as easily have happeneddifferently.

EvenasIwritethis,thenewscastscarryreportsofamassivehurricaneintheCaribbean.MeteorologistsareatalosstopredictwhetheritwillspinouttoseaorcrashintopopulatedareasoftheTexas-Louisianacoastline.Thebiblicalmindsaw the earthquake that overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah as God’s way ofpunishing the people of those cities for their depravities. Somemedieval andVictorianthinkerssawtheeruptionofVesuviusandthedestructionofPompeiias a way of putting an end to that society’s immorality. Even today, theearthquakes inCalifornia are interpreted by some asGod’sway of expressingHis displeasurewith the allegedhomosexual excesses ofSanFranciscoor theheterosexual ones of Los Angeles. But most of us today see a hurricane, anearthquake, avolcanoashavingnoconscience. Iwouldnotventure topredictthepathofahurricaneonthebasisofwhichcommunitiesdeservetobelashedandwhichonestobespared.

A change of wind direction or the shifting of a tectonic plate can cause ahurricaneorearthquaketomovetowardapopulatedareainsteadofoutintoanuninhabitedstretchofland.Why?Arandomshiftinweatherpatternscausestoomuchortoolittlerainoverafarmingarea,andayear’sharvestisdestroyed.Adrunken driver steers his car over the center line of the highway and collideswith the green Chevrolet instead of the red Ford fifty feet farther away. Anengineboltbreakson flight205 insteadofon flight209, inflicting tragedyononerandomgroupoffamiliesratherthananother.Thereisnomessageinallofthat. There is no reason for those particular people to be afflicted rather than

others.TheseeventsdonotreflectGod’schoices.Theyhappenatrandom,andrandomness is anothername for chaos, in those cornersof theuniversewhereGod’s creative light has not yet penetrated.And chaos is evil; notwrong, notmalevolent, but evil nonetheless, because by causing tragedies at random, itpreventspeoplefrombelievinginGod’sgoodness.

I once asked a friend of mine, an accomplished physicist, whether from ascientific perspective the world was becoming a more orderly place, whetherrandomness was increasing or decreasing with time. He replied by citing thesecond lawof thermodynamics, the lawof entropy:Every system left to itselfwill change in such away as to approach equilibrium.He explained that thismeanttheworldwaschanginginthedirectionofmorerandomness.Thinkofagroupofmarbles in a jar, carefully arrangedby size and color.Themoreyoushake the jar, the more that neat arrangement will give way to randomdistribution,untilitwillbeonlyacoincidencetofindonemarblenexttoanotherofthesamecolor.This,hesaid,iswhatishappeningtotheworld.Onehurricanemightveerofftosea,sparingthecoastalcities,butitwouldbeamistaketoseeany evidence of pattern or purpose to that. Over the course of time, somehurricaneswillblowharmlesslyouttosea,whileotherswillheadintopopulatedareasandcausedevastation.Thelongeryoukeeptrackofsuchthings,thelessofapatternyouwillfind.

I told him that I had been hoping for a different answer. I had hoped for ascientificequivalentofthefirstchapteroftheBible,tellingmethatwitheverypassing“day”therealmofchaoswasdiminishing,andmoreoftheuniversewasyieldingtotheruleoforder.Hetoldmethatifitmademefeelanybetter,AlbertEinstein had the same problem. Einstein was uncomfortable with quantumphysics and tried for years to disprove it, because it based itself on thehypothesis of things happening at random. Einstein preferred to believe that“Goddoesnotplaydicewiththecosmos.”

ItmaybethatEinsteinandtheBookofGenesisareright.Asystemlefttoitselfmayevolve in thedirectionof randomness.On theotherhand,ourworldmaynotbeasystemlefttoitself.Theremayinfactbeacreativeimpulseactingonit,the Spirit ofGod hovering over the darkwaters, operating over the course ofmillenniatobringorderoutofthechaos.Itmayyetcometopassthat,as“Fridayafternoon”oftheworld’sevolutiontickstowardtheGreatSabbathwhichistheEndofDays,theimpactofrandomevilwillbediminished.

OritmaybethatGodfinishedHisworkofcreatingeonsago,andlefttherestto us.Residual chaos, chance andmischance, things happening for no reason,willcontinuetobewithus,thekindofevilthatMiltonSteinberghascalled“thestillunremovedscaffoldingof theedificeofGod’screativity.”In thatcase,wewill simply have to learn to live with it, sustained and comforted by theknowledgethattheearthquakeandtheaccident,likethemurderandtherobbery,are not the will of God, but represent that aspect of reality which standsindependent ofHiswill, andwhich angers and saddensGodeven as it angersandsaddensus.

Four

NoExceptionsforNicePeople

ThestoryistoldoftheyoungsterwhocamehomefromSundayschool,havingbeentaughtthebiblicalstoryofthecrossingoftheRedSea.Hismotheraskedhimwhat he had learned in class, and he told her: “The Israelites got out ofEgypt,butPharoahandhisarmychasedafterthem.TheygottotheRedSeaandtheycouldn’tcross it.TheEgyptianarmywasgettingcloser.SoMosesgotonhiswalkie-talkie,theIsraeliairforcebombedtheEgyptians,andtheIsraelinavybuiltapontoonbridgesothepeoplecouldcross.”Themotherwasshocked.“Isthatthewaytheytaughtyouthestory?”“Well,no,”theboyadmitted,“butifItoldittoyouthewaytheytoldittous,you’dneverbelieveit.”

Centuries ago, people found reassuring proof of God in stories ofmiracles.Theywould tell of howGod divided the sea to let the Israelites cross on dryland. They would recount stories about God sending rain in answer to arighteous person’s prayer, or about rivers reversing their courses and the sunmovingbackwardinitsflight.TheywouldremembertalesofDanielemergingunhurtfromthedenoflions,andShadrach,Meshach,andAbednegosurvivingthefieryfurnace.ThepointofallthesestorieswastoprovethatGodcaredaboutus somuch thatHewaswilling to suspend the laws of nature to support andprotectthosewhomHefavored.

Butwe today are like the little boy in theSunday school story.We are toldthosestoriesandweareskeptical.Ifanything,wefindproofofGodpreciselyinthe fact that laws of nature do not change. God has given us a wonderful,precise,orderlyworld.Oneofthethingsthatmakestheworldlivableisthefactthatthelawsofnaturearepreciseandreliable,andalwaysworkthesameway.There is gravity: heavy objects always fall toward the earth, so a builder canbuild a house without having his materials float away. There is chemistry:mixingcertainelementsincertainproportionsalwaysyieldsthesameresult,soadoctor can prescribe medication and know what will happen.We can predictwhenthesunwillriseandsetonanygivenday.Wecanevenpredictwhenthemoonwillblockthesunforcertainareas,causinganeclipse.Totheancients,aneclipsewasanunnaturaleventwhichtheyinterpretedasGod’swayofwarningthem.Tous,itisaperfectlynaturalevent,areminderofhowpreciseauniverseGodhasgivenus.

Our human bodies are miracles, not because they defy laws of nature, butpreciselybecausetheyobeythem.Ourdigestivesystemsextractnutrientsfromfood.Ourskinshelp toregulatebodytemperaturebyperspiring.Thepupilsofoureyesexpandandcontract in response to light.Evenwhenwegetsick,ourbodieshavebuilt-indefensemechanismstofighttheillness.Allthesewonderfulthingshappen,usuallywithoutourbeingawareofthem,inaccordancewiththemostpreciselawsofnature.That,notthelegendarysplittingoftheRedSea,istherealmiracle.

But the unchanging character of these laws, which makes medicine andastronomy possible, also causes problems. Gravity makes objects fall.Sometimestheyfallonpeopleandhurtthem.Sometimesgravitymakespeoplefalloffmountainsandoutofwindows.Sometimesgravitymakespeoplesliponiceor sinkunderwater.We couldnot livewithout gravity, but thatmeanswehavetolivewiththedangersitcauses.

Laws of nature treat everyone alike. They do notmake exceptions for goodpeople or for useful people. If a man enters a house where someone has acontagious disease, he runs the risk of catching that disease. It makes nodifference why he is in the house. He may be a doctor or a burglar; diseasegermscannottellthedifference.IfLeeHarveyOswaldfiresabulletatPresidentJohnKennedy, laws of nature take over from themoment that bullet is fired.NeitherthecourseofthebulletnortheseriousnessofthewoundwillbeaffectedbyquestionsofwhetherornotPresidentKennedywasagoodperson,orwhethertheworldwouldbebetteroffwithhimaliveordead.

Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has noconscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out ofcontrol.That iswhygoodpeoplegetsickandgethurtasmuchasanyone.NomatterwhatstoriesweweretaughtaboutDanielorJonahinSundayschool,Goddoesnot reachdown to interrupt theworkingsof lawsofnature toprotect therighteousfromharm.Thisisasecondareaofourworldwhichcausesbadthingstohappentogoodpeople,andGoddoesnotcauseitandcannotstopit.

And really, how couldwe live in thisworld if He did? Let us suppose, forpurposesofargument,thatGodwasdeterminednottoletanythingbadhappentoagoodandpiousperson.IfanOswaldshootsatthepresident,nomatterhowcarefullyheaims,Godwillmake thebulletmiss. IfawingfallsoffAirForce

One,Godwillmakeitlandsafely.Wouldthisbeabetterworld,ifcertainpeoplewereimmunetolawsofnaturebecauseGodfavoredthem,whiletherestofushadtofendforourselves?

Let us suppose, again for purposes of argument, that I was one of thoserighteous people towhomGodwould not let anything bad happen, because Iwas an observant, charitable person with a young family, spending my lifehelping people. What would that mean? Would I be able to go out in myshirtsleeves in coldweather and not get sick, becauseGodwould prevent theworkingsofnaturefromdoingmeharm?CouldIcrossstreetsagainstthelightsin the face of heavy traffic, and not be injured? Could I jump out of highwindowswhenIwasintoomuchofahurrytowaitforanelevator,andnothurtmyself?Aworldinwhichgoodpeoplesufferfromthesamenaturaldangersthatothersdocausesproblems.Butaworldinwhichgoodpeoplewereimmunetothoselawswouldcauseevenmoreproblems.

Insurance companies refer to earthquakes, hurricanes, and other naturaldisastersas“actsofGod.”IconsiderthatacaseofusingGod’snameinvain.Idon’tbelievethatanearthquakethatkillsthousandsofinnocentvictimswithoutreasonisanactofGod.It isanactofnature.Natureismorallyblind,withoutvalues.Itchurnsalong,followingitsownlaws,notcaringwhoorwhatgetsintheway.ButGodisnotmorallyblind.IcouldnotworshipHimifIthoughtHewas.Godstandsforjustice,forfairness,forcompassion.Forme,theearthquakeisnotan“actofGod.”TheactofGodisthecourageofpeopletorebuildtheirlivesaftertheearthquake,andtherushofotherstohelptheminwhateverwaytheycan.

Ifabridgecollapses,ifadambreaks,ifawingfallsoffanairplaneandpeopledie,IcannotseethatasGod’sdoing.IcannotbelievethatGodwantedallthosepeopletodieatthatmoment,orthatHewantedsomeofthemtodieandhadnochoicebuttocondemntheothersalongwiththem.Ibelievethatthesecalamitiesare all acts of nature, and that there is no moral reason for those particularvictimstobesingledoutforpunishment.Perhaps,ashumanbeingsapplytheirGod-givenintelligencetotheareaofnaturaldisasters,wewillonedaybeabletounderstand the physical processes behind earthquakes, hurricanes, and metalfatigue, and learn how to anticipate them or even prevent them. When thathappens,fewerinnocentpeoplewillfallvictimtotheseso-calledactsofGod.

Idon’tknowwhyonepersongetssick,andanotherdoesnot,but Icanonlyassumethatsomenaturallawswhichwedon’tunderstandareatwork.IcannotbelievethatGod“sends”illnesstoaspecificpersonforaspecificreason.Idon’tbelieveinaGodwhohasaweeklyquotaofmalignanttumorstodistribute,andconsultsHiscomputertofindoutwhodeservesonemostorwhocouldhandleitbest.“Whatdid Ido todeserve this?” isanunderstandableoutcry fromasickand suffering person, but it is really thewrong question. Being sick or beinghealthyisnotamatterofwhatGoddecidesthatwedeserve.Thebetterquestionis“Ifthishashappenedtome,whatdoIdonow,andwhoistheretohelpmedoit?” As we saw in the previous chapter, it becomesmuch easier to take Godseriouslyasthesourceofmoralvaluesifwedon’tholdHimresponsibleforalltheunfairthingsthathappenintheworld.

Butperhapsweoughttophraseourquestiondifferently.Insteadofaskingwhygoodpeoplehavetosufferfromthesamelawsofnaturethatbadpeopledo,letus askwhyanypeoplehave to suffer at all.Whydopeoplehave toget sick?Why do they have to feel pain?Why do people die? IfGodwas designing aworld forourmaximumbenefit,whycouldHenot createunchanging lawsofnaturewhichwouldnotdoharmtoanyofus,goodorbad?

“GoodGod,howmuchreverencecanyouhaveforaSupremeBeingwhofindsitnecessary to include toothdecay inHisdivine systemof creation?Why in theworlddidHeevercreatepain?”

“Pain?” Lieutenant Shiesskopf’s wife pounced upon the word victoriously.“Painisausefulsymptom.Painisawarningtousofbodilydangers.”

“Andwhocreatedthedangers?”Yossariandemanded.“Whycouldn’tHehaveusedadoorbelltonotifyus,oroneofHiscelestialchoirs?Orasystemofblue-and-redneontubesrightinthemiddleofeachperson’sforehead?”

“Peoplewouldcertainlylooksillywalkingaroundwithredneontubesinthemiddleoftheirforeheads.”

“Theycertainlylookbeautifulnowwrithinginagony,don’tthey?”

(JosephHeller,Catch-22)

Whydowefeelpain?Approximatelyoneoutofevery400,000babiesborn isfatedtoliveashort,pitifullifewhichnoneofuswouldenvy,alifeinwhichhewillfrequentlyhurthimself,sometimesseriously,andnotknowit.Thatchildhasa rare genetic disease known as familial dysautonomia. He cannot feel pain.Such a childwill cut himself, burn himself, fall down and break a bone, andneverknowthatsomething iswrong.Hewillnotcomplainofsore throatsandstomachaches,andhisparentswillnotknowwhenheissickuntilitistoolate.

Wouldanyofuswanttolivelikethat,withoutfeelingpain?Itisanunpleasantbut necessary part of being alive. Author Joseph Heller may have his heroYossarianmakefunoftheargument,butinfactpainisnature’swayoftellingusthatweareoverexertingourselves,thatsomepartofourbodyisnotfunctioningasitwasmeantto,orisbeingaskedtodomorethanitwasintendedto.Thinkofthestoriesyouhavereadofathletesprematurelyendingtheircareers,sometimeseven crippling themselves permanently, because they forced themselves toignore pain or took drugs that would stop the hurting without affecting thereason for it. Think of the peoplewho had to be rushed to the hospital on anemergencybasis,becausetheyignoredthewarningsignsofmildpain,thinkingitwouldgoawayiftheydid.

Wefeelpainwhenwestrainourmusclesbeyondwhattheycantake.Wefeelpain to make us jerk our hand away from something hot before it burns usseriously.Wefeelpainasasignal thatsomethingiswronginthatmarvelouslyintricatemachine,ourbody.Wemaymistakenly thinkofpainasoneofGod’swaysofpunishingus,perhapsrememberinghowoneofourparentswouldslapuswhenwewerechildren,perhapsbelievingthatallunpleasantthingsthatcomeourwayarepunishments. In fact, theword“pain”comes fromthesameLatinrootpoenaasdothewords“punish”and“penalty.”ButpaindoesnotrepresentGod’spunishingus.Itrepresentsnature’swayofwarninggoodandbadpeoplealikethatsomethingiswrong.Lifemaybeunpleasantbecausewearesubjecttopain. Someone has said that amanwith a toothachewalking through a forestcan’t appreciate the beauty of the forest because his tooth hurts him. But lifewouldbedangerous,perhapsunlivable,ifwecouldnotfeelpain.

Butthatsortofpain—thebrokenbone,thehotstove—isstillaresponseattheanimal level.Animals feel that sort of pain even aswedo.Youdon’t need tohaveasoultofeelpainwhensomethingsharpisstuckintoyourflesh.Thereisanotherlevelofpain,however,whichonlyhumanbeingscanfeel.Onlyhuman

beingscanfindmeaningintheirpain.

Considerthefollowing:scientistshavefoundwaysofmeasuringtheintensityof thepainwe feel.Theycanmeasure the fact that amigraineheadachehurtsmore than a skinned knee. And they have determined that two of the mostpainful things human beings can experience are giving birth and passing akidneystone.Fromapurelyphysicalpointofview,thesetwoeventsbothhurtequally, andhardlyanythinghurtsmore.But fromahumanpointofview, thetwo are so different. The pain of passing a kidney stone is simply pointlesssuffering, the result of a naturalmalfunction somewhere in our body. But thepainofgivingbirthiscreativepain.Itispainthathasmeaning,painthatgiveslife,thatleadstosomething.Thatiswhythepersonwhopassesakidneystonewillusuallysay“I’dgiveanythingnottohavetogothroughthatagain,”butthewomanwhohasgivenbirthtoachild,liketherunnerormountainclimberwhohas driven his body to reach a goal, can transcend her pain and contemplaterepeatingtheexperience.

Painisthepricewepayforbeingalive.Deadcells—ourhair,ourfingernails—can’t feel pain; they cannot feel anything. When we understand that, ourquestionwillchangefrom,“Whydowehavetofeelpain?”to“Whatdowedowith our pain so that it becomes meaningful and not just pointless emptysuffering?How canwe turn all the painful experiences of our lives into birthpangsorintogrowingpains?”Wemaynoteverunderstandwhywesufferorbeabletocontroltheforcesthatcauseoursuffering,butwecanhavealottosayaboutwhatthesufferingdoestous,andwhatsortofpeoplewebecomebecauseofit.Painmakessomepeoplebitterandenvious.Itmakesotherssensitiveandcompassionate. It is the result, not the cause, of pain that makes someexperiencesofpainmeaningfulandothersemptyanddestructive.

WhydidGodcreate aworld inwhich there is sickness anddisease? I don’tknowwhypeoplegetsick,sometimesfatally.Iknowthatsicknessesarecausedbygermsandviruses(oratleast,Itakethatonfaith,neverhavingseenagermor a virus, but trusting my doctors to be honorable people who would notmisleadme).Isuspectthatpeoplegetsickwhentheyaredepressed,whentheyfeelrejectedandcan’tlookforwardtotheimmediatefuture.Iknowthatpeoplerecover from illness faster when they know that people care about them andwhentheyhavesomethingtolookforwardto.ButIdon’thaveagoodanswertothequestionofwhyourbodieshadtobemadevulnerabletogermsandviruses

andmalignanttumorsinthefirstplace.Iunderstandthatthecellsofwhichourbodiesaremadeareconstantlydyingandbeingreplaced.Thatmakesitpossibleforustogrowbigger,andtogrownewskintoreplacescrapedandbruisedskin.I understand that when foreign presences invade our body, we mobilize ourdefensestofightthem,andthemobilizationoftencausesourbodytemperatureto rise and makes us feverish. I understand that for our bones to be flexibleenoughandlightenoughforustobeabletowalk,theyhavetobefragileenoughto break under severe strain. For a young man to be paralyzed because of aspinalcordinjuryinanaccidentwhichwasnothisfaultisindescribablytragic,butatleastitfollowslawsofnaturewhichmakesense.

Aswehavelearnedmoreabouthowthehumanbodyworks,asweunderstandmoreofthenaturallawsbuiltintotheworld,wehavesomeanswers.Wehavecometounderstandthatwecannotindefinitelyabuseourbodiesandneglectourhealthwithoutincreasingtheriskofsomethinggoingwrong.Ourbodiesaretoosensitive;theyhavetobe,todothethingswecallonthemtodo.Themanwhosmokestwopacksofcigarettesadayfortwentyyearsanddevelopslungcancer,facesproblemswhichdeserveoursympathy,buthehasnogroundsforasking,“How couldGod do this tome?” The personwhoweighs considerablymorethanheshould,andwhosehearthastopumpbloodthroughmilesofadditionalfatcellsandcloggedarterieswillhavetopaythepriceforthatadditionalstrainonhissystem,andwillhavenogroundstocomplaintoGod.Neither,alas,willthe doctor, the clergyman, or the politicianwhoworks long hours, seven-dayweekafterseven-dayweek,inthenoblestofcauses,butfailstotakecareofhisownhealthintheprocess.

But why cancer?Why blindness and diabetes and hypertension and kidneyfailure? Why do things spontaneously go wrong in our bodies without ourhaving caused them through bad health habits? To explain that mentalretardationresultsfromadefectivechromosomeistoofferanexplanationwhichdoesnotreallyexplainanything.Whyshouldchromosomesbecomedefective?Andwhy should a person’s potential for happiness in life dependon their notdoingso?

Ihavenosatisfyinganswertothosequestions.ThebestanswerIknowisthereminder thatMan today is only the latest stage in a long, slow evolutionaryprocess.Onceuponatime,theonlylivingthingsintheworldwereplants.Thentherewere amphibian creatures; then came thehigher,more complex animals,

and finally Man. As life evolved from the simpler to the more complex, weretained and inherited some of the weaknesses of those earlier forms. Likeplants,ourbodiesremainvulnerabletoinjuryanddecay.Likeanimals,wecangrowsickanddie.Buttherearenotragedieswhenplantsdie,andanimalshaveoneimportantadvantageoverhumans.Ifsomethinggoeswronginananimal’sbody, if something breaks down, leaving the animal weak and crippled, thatanimal is less likely to mate and to pass on its defective genes to the nextgeneration. In that way, traits less suited to survival fade out, and the nextgenerationislikelytobebigger,stronger,andhealthier.

Humanbeingsdon’toperate thatway.Ahumanbeingwhoisdiabeticorhasotherinheritedhealthproblems,butisanattractive,sensitiveperson,willmarryandhavechildren.Noonewoulddenyhimthatright.Butintheprocess,hewillbring into the world children with a better-than-average chance of havingsomethinggowrongwiththeirbodies.

Consider the following sequence of events. In the delivery room, a baby isbornwithacongenitalheartdefectorsomeotherseriousailmenthiddeninhisparents’ genetic background which threatens his survival. If he were to dieshortly after birth, his parents would go home, saddened and depressed,wonderingaboutwhatmighthavebeen.Butthentheywouldbegintomaketheefforttoputthelossbehindthemandlooktothefuture.

But the child does not die. Through the miracles of modern medicine andheroicdevotionofnursesanddoctors,hesurvives.Hegrowsup,toofrailtotakepart in sports, but bright and cheerful andpopular.Hebecomes a doctor, or ateacher,orapoet.Hemarriesandhaschildren.Heisrespectedinhisprofessionand well-liked in his neighborhood. His family loves him; people learn todependonhim.Then,atagethirty-fiveorforty,hisfrailhealthcatchesupwithhim.Hiscongenitallyweakheart,whichnearlyfailedhimatbirth,givesoutandhedies.Nowhisdeathcausesmorethanafewdaysofsadness.Itisashatteringtragedyforhiswifeandchildren,andaprofoundlysaddeningeventforall theotherpeopleinhislife.

Wecouldpreventmanytragedieslikethatone,ifweweretoletsicklychildrendieatbirth,ifweworkedlessdiligentlytohelpthemsurvivechildhoodillnessesand hazards, ifwe permitted only the healthiest specimens tomarry and havechildren,and forbadeothers toknowthosesatisfactions.Afterall, that iswhat

animals do, so that genetic errors are not passed on from generation togeneration.Butwhoamongus,onmoralgroundsorsimpleself-interest,wouldagreetothat?

EvenasIwritetheselines,I thinkofayoungmaninmycommunitywhoisslowlydyingofadegenerativedisease,and I findmyselfwondering ifall thisbiologicalspeculationwillbeofanyconsolationtohim.Isuspectthatitwillnot.Unless we want to play the role of Job’s comforters, why should we find ithelpful toknow thathis illness followscertainnatural laws?Will itmakehimfeelanybettertobetoldthathisparentsunknowinglypassedontohimtheseedsofhisterribleillness?

Job askedquestions aboutGod, but he did not need lessons in theology.Heneededsympathyandcompassionandthereassurancethathewasagoodpersonandacherishedfriend.Myneighborasksmequestionsabouthisillness,butwemisunderstand his needs if we respond with lessons in biology and genetics.LikeJob,heneedstobetoldthatwhatishappeningtohimisdreadfullyunfair.Heneedshelpinkeepinghismindandspiritstrong,sothathecanlookforwardtoafutureinwhichhewillbeabletothinkandplananddecide,evenifhecan’twalkorswim,andwillnothavetobecomeahelpless,dependentcrippleevenifhelosescertainskills.

Idon’tknowwhymy friendandneighbor is sickanddyingand in constantpain.Frommyreligiousperspective,IcannottellhimthatGodhasHisreasonsforsendinghimthisterriblefate,orthatGodmustspeciallylovehimoradmirehisbraverytotesthiminthisway.IcanonlytellhimthattheGodIbelieveindid not send the disease and does not have a miraculous cure that He iswithholding.But inaworld inwhichweallpossess immortalspirits infragileandvulnerablebodies,theGodIbelieveingivesstrengthandcouragetothosewho,unfairlyandthroughnofaultoftheirown,sufferpainandthefearofdeath.Icanhelphimrememberthatheismorethanacrippledbody.Heismorethanamanwithadebilitatingillness.Heisamanwithalovingwifeandchildren,withmanyfriends,andwithenoughironinhissoultoremainalivingpersoninthefullestsenseoftheworduntiltheverylastday.

Idon’tknowwhypeoplearemortaland fated todie,and Idon’tknowwhypeopledieatthetimeandinthewaytheydo.Perhapswecantrytounderstanditbypicturingwhattheworldwouldbelikeifpeoplelivedforever.

WhenIwasafreshmanincollege,IwasayoungmanforwhomoldageanddeathweresoremotethatIneverthoughtaboutthem.Butoneofmyfreshmancourses was in the classics of world literature, and I read two discussions ofdeathandimmortalitywhichsoimpressedmethattheyhaveremainedwithmetoday,thirtyyearslater.

InHomer’sOdyssey,thereisapassageinwhichUlyssesmeetsCalypso,aseaprincessandachildofthegods.Calypso,adivinebeing,isimmortal.Shewillneverdie.SheisfascinatedbyUlysses,neverhavingmetamortalbefore.Aswereadon,wecometorealizethatCalypsoenviesUlyssesbecausehewillnotliveforever. His life becomes more full of meaning, his every decision is moresignificant,preciselybecausehistimeislimited,andwhathechoosestodowithitrepresentsarealchoice.

Later that year I read Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels. In the land of theLuggnaggians, Swift writes in his fantasy, it happened once or twice in ageneration that a child was born with a circular red spot on its forehead,signifying that it would never die. Gulliver imagines those children to be themost fortunate people imaginable, “being born exempt from that universalcalamityofhumannature,”death.Butashecomestomeetthem,herealizesthattheyareinfactthemostmiserableandpitiableofcreatures.Theygrowoldandfeeble. Their friends and contemporaries die off. At the age of eighty, theirproperty is taken from themandgiven to their children,whowouldotherwiseneverinheritfromthem.Theirbodiescontractvariousailments,theyaccumulategrudges andgrievances, theygrowwearyof the struggle of life, and they canneverlookforwardtobeingreleasedfromthepainofliving.

Homershowsusanimmortalbeingenvyingusforbeingmortal.Swiftteachesustopitythepersonwhocannotdie.Hewantsustorealizethatlivingwiththeknowledgethatwewilldiemaybefrighteningandtragic,butknowingwewillnever diewould be unbearable.Wemightwish for a longer life, or a happierone,buthowcouldanyofusendurealifethatwentonforever?Formanyofus,wewillcometothepointwheredeathwillbetheonlyhealerforthepainwhichourliveswillhavecometocontain.

If people lived forever and never died, one of two things would have tohappen. Either the world would become impossibly crowded, or else peoplewould avoid having children to avoid that crowding. Humanity would be

deprivedofthatsenseofafreshstart,thatpotentialforsomethingnewunderthesun,whichthebirthofachildrepresents.Inaworldwherepeoplelivedforever,wewouldprobablyneverhavebeenborn.

But,as inourpreviousdiscussionofpain,wehave toacknowledge that it isonethingtoexplainthatmortalityingeneralisgoodforpeopleingeneral.Itissomethingelseagain to try to tell someonewhohas lostaparent,awife,orachild, that death is good.We don’t dare try to do that. It would be cruel andthoughtless.Allwecansaytosomeoneatatimelikethatisthatvulnerabilitytodeathisoneofthegivenconditionsoflife.Wecan’texplainitanymorethanwecanexplainlifeitself.Wecan’tcontrolit,orsometimesevenpostponeit.Allwecandoistrytorisebeyondthequestion“Whydidithappen?”andbegintoaskthequestion“WhatdoIdonowthatithashappened?”

Five

GodLeavesUsRoomtoBeHuman

Oneofthemostimportantthingsthatanyreligioncanteachusiswhatitmeanstobehuman.TheBible’svisionofManisasfundamentaltoitsoveralloutlookas itsvisionofGod.Twopassagesat theverybeginningof theBible teachusaboutbeinghuman,andtellushowwe,ashumanbeings,relatetoGodandtotheworldaroundus.

Thefirst is thestatement in theopeningchapterof theBookofGenesis thathuman beings are made in the image of God. At the climax of the Creationprocess,God is representedas saying,“LetusmakeMan inour image.”Whytheplural?Whoisthe“us,”the“our”ofwhichGodspeaks?Mysuggestionforunderstandingthatsentenceistoseeitasconnectedtothesentenceimmediatelybefore it, inwhichGod creates animals. In a description ofCreationwhich isastonishingly similar to the evolutionary process as scientists have come tounravelit,Godfirstcreatesaworldcoveredwithwater.Hethencausesthedrylandtoemerge,fillsHisworldwithplants, fish,birds,andreptiles,andfinallywithmammals.Havingcreatedtheanimalsandbeasts,Hesaystothem:“Letusarrange for a new kind of creature to emerge, a human being, in our image,yoursandMine.Letus fashionacreaturewhowillbe likeyou, ananimal, insome ways—needing to eat, to sleep, to mate—and will be likeMe in otherways, rising above the animal level. You animals will contribute his physicaldimension,andIwillbreatheasoulintohim.”Andso,asthecrownofCreation,humanbeingsarecreated,partanimal,partdivine.

But what is the part of us that lifts us above the animal level, the part ofourselvesthatwesharewithGodinawaythatnootherlivingcreaturedoes?Fortheanswertothatquestion,wemustturntothesecondofthebiblicalpassages,one of the most misunderstood stories in all of the Bible, the story of whathappenedintheGardenofEden.

AfterGodcreatedAdamandEve,weread,Hesettheminthegardenandtoldthemthattheycouldeatthefruitofallthetreesinthegarden,includingtheTreeof Life. Only the Tree of theKnowledge ofGood and Evil was forbidden to

them.Godwarned them that on the day they ate of that tree, theywould die.Partly because of the serpent’s urging, they ate the forbidden fruit. Godconfronted them with their disobedience and punished them in the followingways:

—Theymust leave thegardenandno longereat the fruitof theTreeofLife.(Theydonotdiethatday,butaretoldthattheywillnowbearchildrenanddie,insteadoflivingforever.)

—Evewill find the process of bearing and raising children painful. (“Iwillgreatlymultiplyyourpainandanguish;inpainwillyoubringforthchildren.”)

—Adamwillhave towork togrowfood insteadofmerely finding iton trees.(“Bythesweatofyourbrowwillyouearnyourbread.”)

—Therewillbesexualtensionbetweenmenandwomen.(“Yourdesirewillbeforyourhusband,buthewillruleoveryou.”)

When you first read that story, or when it was first taught to you in Sundayschool, you probably understood it as a simple story of Adam and EvedisobeyingGod’scommandandbeingpunishedforit.Thatwasanappropriatelevelforachildtorespondat,andcertainlyafamiliarmessage.(“Mommytoldyou not to play in themud.You played in themud anyway.Nowyou get nodessert.”) Perhaps, depending on the religious tradition in which you wereraised, you were told that all human beings, Adam’s and Eve’s descendants,were doomed to die as sinners because of that original disobedience. Maybeeven then you felt that it was unfair for God to punish them and theirdescendants so severely for one little mistake committed by a couple ofinexperiencedpeople,especially if theycouldnothavebeenexpected toknowwhat good and evil were before they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge ofGoodandEvil.

I think there ismore to the story than a simple case of disobeyingGod andbeingpunishedforit.Myinterpretationmaybeverydifferentfromtheonesyouhavegrownupwith, but I think itmakes sense and fits thebiblical context. Ithink the story is about the differences between being human and being ananimal, and the key to understanding it is the fact that the “forbidden” tree iscalledtheTreeoftheKnowledgeofGoodandEvil.

Human beings live in a world of good and bad, and that makes our livespainful and complicated.Animals don’t; their lives aremuch simpler,withoutthemoralproblemsandmoraldecisionsthatwehumanshavetoface.Categoriesof “good” and “bad” don’t really exist for animals. They can be helpful ormessy,obedientordisobedient,buttheycan’tbegoodorbad.Termslike“gooddoggie”or“baddoggie”don’trefertothemoralvalueofwhatthedogchoosesto do, but only to its being convenient or inconvenient for us, like “goodweather” and “bad weather.” Like our almost-but-not-quite-human ancestors,animalseat from theTreeofLife; theyeatanddrink, they runand theymate.ButtheTreeoftheKnowledgeofGoodandEvilisoff-limitstothem.

To use a term which no one before our generation could have understood,animals are “programmed.” Built-in instincts tell them when to eat, when tosleep,andsoon.Theyfollowtheirinstinctsandhaveveryfewdifficultdecisionstomake.Humanbeings, however, are unique in theworld of living creatures.The“imageofGod”inuspermitsustosayNotoinstinctonmoralgrounds.Wecanchoosenottoeateventhoughwearehungry.Wecanrefrainfromsexevenwhenourinstinctsarearoused,notbecauseweareafraidofbeingpunished,butbecauseweunderstandtheterms“good”and“bad”inawaythatnootheranimalcan. Thewhole story of being human is the story of rising above our animalnature,andlearningtocontrolourinstincts.

Letuslookagainatthe“punishments”GodvisitsonAdamandEve.(Iputtheword “punishments” in quotationmarks because I amnot sure they are reallypunishments. They are the painful consequences of being human rather thanbeingamereanimal.)Everyoneofthemrepresentsawayinwhichlifeismorepainfulandproblematicforhumanbeingsthanitisforanimals.

Sex and reproduction are natural and nonproblematic for all animals exceptMan. Females come into heat,males are attracted to them, and the species ismaintained. Nothing could be simpler. Compare that to the sexual tensionsexistingamonghumanbeings:theteenagegirlwhowaitsforaboytocallher,feelingshunnedandunattractive;thecollegestudentwhocannotconcentrateonhis studies and is contemplating suicide because his girlfriend has broken upwith him; the pregnant unmarried career woman who does not believe inabortion but is not sure what other choice she has; the severely depressedhousewifewhosehusbandhas lefther foranotherwoman; thevictimsof rape,the patrons of pornographic movies, the furtive adulterers, the self-hating

promiscuous“sexualathletes.”Sexissosimpleandstraightforwardforanimals,andsopainfulfortherestofus(unlesswearewillingtobehavelikeanimals),becausewehaveenteredtheworldofgoodandevil.

But at the same time, precisely because we live in that world, a sexualrelationship can mean infinitely more to us than it can to an animal, or to apersonwhoseessexonlyasaninstincttobesatisfied.Itcanmeantenderness,sharingofaffection,responsiblecommitment.Animalscanmateandreproduce,but only human beings can know love, with all the pain that love sometimesinvolves.

Foranimals,givingbirthtoyoungandsupervisingtheirgrowingupisapurelyinstinctive process. There is much less physical pain, and much lesspsychologicalpain,involvedforthemthanthereisforthehumanparent.Whenourfamilydoghadalitterofpuppies,sheknewexactlywhattodowithouteverbeing told.Givingbirthwasuncomfortable,butnot aspainful as for ahumanmother.Ourdognursedherlitterofpuppies,andwhentheywereoldenoughtotakecareofthemselves,shebegantoignorethem.Now,whenshemeetsoneofhergrownchildren, she recognizesanotherdog,butnotnecessarilyone she iscloselyrelatedto.Beingahumanparentcanneverbethateasy.Givingbirth,oneofthemostpainfuleventsahumanbodycanexperience,isinasensetheeasiestpart.Raisingandteachingchildren,passingyourvaluesontothem,sharingtheirbigandlittlehurts,beingdisappointedinthem,knowingwhentobetoughandwhentobeforgiving—thesearethepainfulpartsofbeingaparent.Andunliketheanimals,wecan’tdoitoninstinctalone.Wehavetomakehardchoices.

Similarly,peoplehavetoworkhardfortheirfood,eithergrowingitthemselvesorperformingsomeservicetoearnmoneytobuyit.Theworldprovidesfoodforanimals,forthosewhohuntandforthosewhograze.Alionmayhavetoexerthimselftostalkandkillananimal,anditmaybeveryhardforhim,butitcannotcomparetothehumanexperienceofbeingfiredfromajoborhavingtodecidewhether to withhold important information whenmaking a sale. Animals candependoninstincttoguidethemintheirsearchforfood.Onlyhumansintheirworkhave toworryaboutchoosingacareer,keepinga job,gettingalongwiththeboss.Onlyhumanshavetoweightheprosandconsofdoingsomethingthatmaybe illegalorunethical tokeepa jobormakea sale.Onceagain, amajorarea of life which may be difficult for animals but is at least free of moraldilemmas,isforhumanbeingsaproblematicandoftenpainfularea.

Andfinally,alllivingcreaturesarefatedtodie,butonlyhumanbeingsknowit.Animalswill instinctivelyprotectthemselvesagainstthreatstotheir lifeandwell-being,butonlyhumanbeingsliveinthevalleyoftheshadowofdeath,withtheknowledge that theyaremortal, evenwhennoone isattacking them.Thisknowledgethatwearegoingtodiesomedaychangesourlivesinmanyways.Itmovesustotrytocheatdeathbydoingsomethingthatwilloutliveus—havingchildren,writingbooks,havingan impactonourfriendsandneighborsso thattheywill rememberus fondly.Knowing thatour time is limitedgivesvalue tothethingswedo.Itmattersthatwechoosetoreadabookorvisitasickfriendinsteadofgoingtothemovies,preciselybecausewedon’thavethetimetodoeverything.

This,then,iswhathappenedtoAdamandEve.Theybecamehuman.TheyhadtoleavetheGardenofEden,whereanimalseatfromtheTreeofLife,thetreeofbasiclife-forcesandinstincts.Theyenteredtheworldoftheknowledgeofgoodand evil, amore painful,more complicatedworld, where theywould have tomakedifficultmoral choices.Eating andworking, having children and raisingchildrenwouldnolongerbesimplematters,astheyareforloweranimals.Thesefirsthumanbeingswerenowself-conscious(aftereatingtheforbiddenfruit,theyfelttheneedtoputonclothes).Theyknewthattheywouldnotliveforever.Butmostofall,theywouldhavetospendtheirlivesmakingchoices.

Thisiswhatitmeanstobehuman“intheimageofGod.”Itmeansbeingfreetomakechoices insteadofdoingwhateverour instinctswould tellus todo. Itmeansknowingthatsomechoicesaregood,andothersarebad,anditisourjobtoknowthedifference.“Behold,Ihavesetbeforeyouthepathofgoodandthepathofevil,thewayoflifeandthewayofdeath.ChooseLife.”(Deuteronomy30:19)That could not be said to anyother living creature exceptMan, for noothercreatureisfreetochoose.

ButifManistrulyfreetochoose,ifhecanshowhimselfasbeingvirtuousbyfreelychoosingthegoodwhenthebadisequallypossible,thenhehastobefreetochoosethebadalso.Ifhewereonlyfreetodogood,hewouldnotreallybechoosing.Ifweareboundtodogood,thenwearenotfreetochooseit.

Imagine a parent saying to a child, “How would you like to spend thisafternoon doing homework or playing with a friend? You choose.” The child

says,“I’d like toplaywithmyfriend.”Theparent responds,“I’msorry, that’sthewrongchoice.Ican’tletyoudothat.Iwon’tletyououtofthehouseuntilyourhomeworkgetsdone.Chooseagain.”This timethechildsays,“Allright,I’lldomyhomework.”Theparentsmilesandsays,“I’mgladyoumadetherightchoice.”Wemayhaveendedupwiththepreferredresult,butitwouldbewrongtosay that itwas thechildwhoshowedmaturityandresponsibilitybymakingthatchoice.

NowimagineGodsayingtoaperson,“Howdoyouplantogetthemoneytopayyourbills?Areyougoingtogetajob,whichmeansgettingupearlyinthemorninganddoinghardwork,orareyougoingtograbanoldlady’spocketbookandrunoffwithit?”Themananswers,“Iwasthinkingofgoingoutandstealinga pocketbook.”God says, “No, that’swrong. Iwon’t let you do that. Chooseagain.”This time theman reluctantly agrees to get a job.A robbery has beenprevented,buthas themanbeenpermitted tooperateasamorally freehumanbeing?HasGodpermittedhimtochoosebetweenthepathofgoodandthepathofevil?OrhasGodreducedhim to the levelofananimalby takingawayhisfreedomtochoose,andcompellinghimtotakethebetterpath?

Inordertoletusbefree,inordertoletusbehuman,Godhastoleaveusfreetochoosetodorightortodowrong.Ifwearenotfreetochooseevil,thenwearenotfreetochoosegoodeither.Liketheanimals,wecanonlybeconvenientor inconvenient, obedient or disobedient. We can no longer be moral, whichmeanswecannolongerbehuman.

None of us can read God’s mind, to know why, at a certain point in theevolutionary process, He had a new kind of creature emerge, a morally freeanimalwhocouldchoosetobegoodorbad.ButHedid,andtheworldhasseenalotofnobilityandalotofcrueltyeversince.

Ourmoralfreedommeansthat,ifwechoosetobeselfishordishonest,wecanbeselfishanddishonest,andGodwillnotstopus.Ifwewanttotakesomethingthat does not belong to us,Godwill not reach down and pull our hand awayfromthecookiejar.Ifwewanttohurtsomeone,Godwillnotintervenetokeepusfromdoingit.AllHewilldoistellusthatcertainthingsarewrong,warnusthatwewillbesorryforhavingdonethem,andhopethat,ifwedon’ttakeHiswordforit,wewillatleastlearnfromexperience.

Godisnotlikeahumanparentwhowatchesashischildtakesitsfirstshakysteps or struggleswith an algebra assignment, andwho says to himself, “If Iintervene,Iwillsparemychildalotofpain,buthowwillheeverlearntodoitfor himself?” A human parent in that situation has the possibility (and theresponsibility)tointerveneif thechildisonthevergeofdoinghimselfseriousharm.ButGodhassetHimselfthelimitthatHewillnotintervenetotakeawayourfreedom,includingourfreedomtohurtourselvesandothersaroundus.Hehas already let Man evolve morally free, and there is no turning back theevolutionaryclock.

Why,then,dobadthingshappentogoodpeople?Onereasonisthatourbeinghuman leavesus free tohurt eachother, andGodcan’t stopuswithout takingawaythefreedomthatmakesushuman.Humanbeingscancheateachother,robeachother,hurteachother,andGodcanonlylookdowninpityandcompassionat how little we have learned over the ages about how human beings shouldbehave.This lineof reasoninghelpsmeunderstand thatmonstrouseruptionofevilwespeakofastheHolocaust,thedeathofmillionsofinnocentpeopleatthehandsofAdolfHitler.Whenpeopleask,“WherewasGodinAuschwitz?HowcouldHehavepermitted theNazis tokill somany innocentmen,women,andchildren?,”myresponseisthatitwasnotGodwhocausedit.Itwascausedbyhuman beings choosing to be cruel to their fellow men. In the words of aGermanChristian theologian,Dorothee Soelle, speaking of attempts to justifytheHolocaustasGod’swill,“WhowantssuchaGod?Whogainsanythingfromworshiping Him? Was God on the side of the victims or on the side of theexecutioner?”

TotrytoexplaintheHolocaust,oranysuffering,asGod’swillistosidewiththeexecutionerratherthanwithhisvictim,andtoclaimthatGoddoesthesame.

IcannotmakesenseoftheHolocaustbytakingit tobeGod’swill.EvenifIcouldacceptthedeathofaninnocentindividualnowandthenwithouthavingtorethink all ofmybeliefs, theHolocaust represents toomanydeaths, toomuchevidenceagainsttheviewthat“GodisinchargeandHehasHisreasons.”IhavetobelievethattheHolocaustwasatleastasmuchofanoffensetoGod’smoralcodeasitistomine,orhowcanIrespectGodasasourceofmoralguidance?

Whydid sixmillion Jews, and severalmillionother innocentvictims,die inHitler’sdeathcamps?Whowasresponsible?Wefallbackontheideaofhuman

freedomtochoose.Man,wediscovered,isthatuniquecreaturewhosebehaviorisnot“programmed.”Heisfreetochoosetobegood,whichmeanshemustbefree to choose to be evil. Some good people are good on a relativelymodestscale.Theyarecharitable,theyvisitthesick,theyhelpaneighborchangeaflattire.Othersaregoodonagranderscale.Theyworkdiligentlytodiscoveracurefor a disease, or they fight for the extension of the rights of the poor and thepowerless.Somebadpeoplechooseevil,buthavethecapacitytobeevilonlyonasmallscale.Theylie,cheat,takethingsthatdonotbelongtothem.Andsomehavetheabilitytodoharmtomillions,evenastheirgoodcounterpartshavetheabilitytobehelpfultomillions.

Hitlermusthavebeenoneofthoseraregeniusesofevilwho,havingchosentobedestructive,hadtheabilitytobemoredestructivethanvirtuallyanyoneelseinhistory.Thisraisesaquestionwhichisnotreallypartofourdiscussion:CanwesaythatsomeonelikeHitlerchosetobedestructive?Orwouldwehavetogobackandlookathisparents,hishomeenvironment,his teachers,hisearly lifeexperiences and historical circumstances thatmade himbecome the person hewas?There isprobablynoclearanswer to thatquestion.Socialscientistshavebeen debating it for years, andwill continue to do so. I can only say that thecornerstoneofmyreligiousoutlook is thebelief thathumanbeingsare free tochoose the direction their lifewill take.Granted, some children are bornwithphysicalormentalcapacitieswhichlimittheirfreedomofchoice.Noteveryonecanchoose tobeanoperasinger,a surgeon,oraprofessionalathlete.Grantedfurtherthatsomeparentsmishandletheirchildrenbadly,thataccidentalevents—wars, illnesses—traumatize children so badly that theymay not be able to dosomething theywouldotherwisebequalified for, and that somepeople are soaddictedtohabitsthatitishardtospeakofthemasbeingfree.ButIwillinsistthat every adult, nomatter howunfortunate a childhoodhehador howhabit-riddenhemaybe,isfreetomakechoicesabouthislife.Ifwearenotfree,ifweareboundbycircumstancesandexperiences,thenwearenodifferentfromtheanimalwhoisboundbyinstinct.TosayofHitler,tosayofanycriminal,thathedid not choose to be bad but was a victim of his upbringing, is to make allmorality,alldiscussionofrightandwrong,impossible.ItleavesunansweredthequestionofwhypeopleinsimilarcircumstancesdidnotallbecomeHitlers.Butworse,tosay“Itisnothisfault,hewasnotfreetochoose”istorobapersonofhishumanity,andreducehimtothelevelofananimalwhoissimilarlynotfreetochoosebetweenrightandwrong.

TheHolocausthappenedbecauseHitlerwasadementedevilgeniuswhochosetodoharmonamassivescale.Buthedidnotcauseitalone.Hitlerwasonlyoneman, and even his ability to do evil was limited. The Holocaust happenedbecausethousandsofotherscouldbepersuadedtojoinhiminhismadness,andmillions of others permitted themselves to be frightened or shamed intocooperating. Ithappenedbecauseangry, frustratedpeoplewerewilling toventtheirangerandfrustrationoninnocentvictimsassoonassomeoneencouragedthemtodoso.IthappenedbecauseHitlerwasabletopersuadelawyerstoforgettheircommitmenttojusticeanddoctorstoviolatetheiroaths.Andithappenedbecause democratic governments were unwilling to summon their people tostanduptoHitleraslongastheirowninterestswerenotyetatstake.

WherewasGodwhileallthiswasgoingon?WhydidHenotintervenetostopit?Why didn’t He strike Hitler dead in 1939 and sparemillions of lives anduntold suffering, or why didn’t He send an earthquake to demolish the gaschambers?WherewasGod? I have to believe,withDorothee Soelle, thatHewaswith thevictims,andnotwith themurderers,but thatHedoesnotcontrolman’s choosing between good and evil. I have to believe that the tears andprayers of the victims aroused God’s compassion, but having given Manfreedomtochoose, includingthefreedomtochoose tohurthisneighbor, therewasnothingGodcoulddotopreventit.

ChristianityintroducedtheworldtotheideaofaGodwhosuffers,alongsidethe image of a God who creates and commands. Postbiblical Judaism alsooccasionallyspokeofaGodwhosuffers,aGodwhoismadehomelessandgoesintoexilealongwithHisexiledpeople,aGodwhoweepswhenHeseeswhatsomeofHischildrenaredoing toothersofHischildren. Idon’tknowwhat itmeansforGodtosuffer.Idon’tbelievethatGodisapersonlikeme,withrealeyesandrealtearductstocry,andrealnerveendingstofeelpain.ButIwouldlike to think that the anguish I feelwhen I read of the sufferings of innocentpeoplereflectsGod’sanguishandGod’scompassion,evenifHiswayoffeelingpain is different from ours. Iwould like to think thatHe is the source ofmybeingabletofeelsympathyandoutrage,andthatHeandIareonthesamesidewhenwestandwiththevictimagainstthosewhowouldhurthim.

Thelastword,appropriately,comesfromasurvivorofAuschwitz:

ItneveroccurredtometoquestionGod’sdoingsorlackofdoingswhileIwas

aninmateofAuschwitz,althoughofcourseIunderstandothersdid....IwasnolessornomorereligiousbecauseofwhattheNazisdidtous;andIbelievemyfaith in God was not undermined in the least. It never occurred to me toassociate the calamity we were experiencing with God, to blame Him, or tobelieveinHimlessorceasebelievinginHimatallbecauseHedidn’tcometoour aid. God doesn’t owe us that, or anything. We owe our lives to Him. Ifsomeone believes God is responsible for the death of six million because Hedidn’t somehowdo something to save them, he’s got his thinking reversed.WeoweGodour lives for the fewormanyyearswe live,andwehave theduty toworshipHimanddoasHecommandsus.That’swhatwe’rehereonearthfor,tobeinGod’sservice,todoGod’sbidding.

(Brenner,TheFaithandDoubtofHolocaustSurvivors)

Six

GodHelpsThoseWhoStopHurtingThemselves

Oneoftheworstthingsthathappenstoapersonwhohasbeenhurtbylifeisthathetendstocompoundthedamagebyhurtinghimselfasecondtime.Notonlyishe thevictimof rejection, bereavement, injury, or bad luck; heoften feels theneedtoseehimselfasabadpersonwhohadthiscomingtohim,andbecauseofthatdrivesawaypeoplewhotrytocomeclosetohimandhelphim.Toooften,inourpainandconfusion,we instinctivelydo thewrong thing.Wedon’t feelwedeservetobehelped,soweletguilt,anger,jealousy,andself-imposedlonelinessmakeabadsituationevenworse.

IoncereadofanIranianfolkproverb,“Ifyouseeablindman,kickhim;whyshould you be kinder thanGod?” In otherwords, if you see someonewho issuffering,youmustbelievethathedeserveshisfateandthatGodwantshimtosuffer.Therefore,putyourselfonGod’ssidebyshunninghimorhumiliatinghimfurther.Ifyoutrytohelphim,youwillbegoingagainstGod’sjustice.

Most of us probably respond to this point of viewwith the feeling, “That’sterrible.”Weusuallythinkthatweknowbetterthantodothat.Buttoooftenweinadvertently findourselves saying topeoplewhohavebeenhurt that they, insomeway,deservedit.Andwhenwedothat,wefeedintotheirlatentsenseofguilt,thesuspicionthatmaybethishappenedtothembecausetheydidsomehowhaveitcoming.

Do you remember Job’s comforters from the biblical story?When the threefriendscame tovisit Job, theygenuinelywanted tocomforthim forhis lossesandhisillness.Buttheydidalmosteverythingwrong,andendedupbymakinghimfeelworse.Canwelearnfromtheirmistakeswhatapersonneedswhenhehas been hurt by life, and howwe as friends and neighbors can be helpful tohim?

TheirfirstmistakewastothinkthatwhenJobsaid,“WhyisGoddoingthistome?” he was asking a question, and that they would be helping him byanswering his question, by explainingwhyGodwas doing it. In reality, Job’s

wordswerenotatheologicalquestionatall,butacryofpain.Thereshouldhavebeen an exclamation point after those words, not a question mark.What Jobneededfromhisfriends—whathewasreallyaskingforwhenhesaid“WhyisGoddoingthistome?”—wasnottheology,butsympathy.Hedidnotreallywantthem to explainGod to him, andhe certainly did notwant them to showhimwherehistheologywasfaulty.Hewantedthemtotellhimthathewasinfactagoodperson,andthatthethingsthatwerehappeningtohimwereterriblytragicand unfair. But the friends got so bogged down talking about God that theyalmost forgot about Job, except to tell him that hemust have done somethingprettyawfultodeservethisfateatthehandsofarighteousGod.

Because the friends had never been in Job’s position, they could not realizehowunhelpful,howoffensiveitwasforthemtobejudgingJob,tobetellinghimhe should not cry and complain so much. Even if they themselves hadexperiencedsimilar losses, theywouldstillhaveno right to sit in judgmentofJob’sgrief. It ishard toknowwhat tosay toapersonwhohasbeenstruckbytragedy,butitiseasiertoknowwhatnottosay.Anythingcriticalofthemourner(“Don’ttakeitsohard,”“Trytoholdbackyourtears,you’reupsettingpeople”)iswrong.Anythingwhich tries tominimize themourner’spain(“It’sprobablyfor thebest,”“It couldbea lotworse,”“She’sbetteroffnow”) is likely tobemisguidedandunappreciated.Anythingwhichasks themourner todisguiseorrejecthisfeelings(“WehavenorighttoquestionGod,”“Godmustloveyoutohaveselectedyouforthisburden”)iswrongaswell.

Undertheimpactofhismultipletragedies,Jobwastryingdesperatelytoholdontohisself-respect,hissenseofhimselfasagoodperson.Thelastthingintheworldheneededwastobetoldthatwhathewasdoingwaswrong.Whetherthecriticismswere about theway hewas grieving or aboutwhat he had done todeservesuchafate,theireffectwasthatofrubbingsaltintoanopenwound.

Job needed sympathy more than he needed advice, even good and correctadvice.Therewouldbea timeandplacefor that later.Heneededcompassion,the sense that others felt his pain with him, more than he needed learnedtheological explanations about God’s ways. He needed physical comforting,peoplesharingtheirstrengthwithhim,holdinghimratherthanscoldinghim.

Heneeded friendswhowouldpermithim tobeangry, tocryand to scream,muchmore than he needed friendswhowould urge him to be an example of

patienceandpiety toothers.Heneededpeople tosay,“Yes,whathappened toyouisterribleandmakesnosense,”notpeoplewhowouldsay,“Cheerup,Job,it’snotallthatbad.”Andthatwaswherehisfriendslethimdown.Thephrase“Job’scomforters”hascomeintothelanguagetodescribepeoplewhomeantohelp,butwhoaremoreconcernedwith theirownneedsandfeelings thantheyarewiththoseoftheotherperson,andsoenduponlymakingthingsworse.

Job’sfriendsdiddoatleasttwothingsright,though.Firstofall,theycame.Iam sure that the prospect of seeing their friend in hismiserywas painful forthemtocontemplate,andtheymusthavebeentemptedtostayawayandleavehimalone.Itisnotpleasanttoseeafriendsuffering,andmostofuswouldratheravoidtheexperience.Weeitherstayawayentirely,sothat thesufferingpersonexperiencesisolationandasenseofrejectionontopofhistragedy,orwecomeand try toavoid the reason forourbeing there.Hospitalvisitsandcondolencecallsbecomediscussionsoftheweather, thestockmarket,orthepennantrace,taking on an air of unreality as the most important subject on the mind ofeveryone present is left conspicuously unmentioned. Job’s friends at leastmusteredthecouragetofacehimandtoconfronthissorrow.

Andsecondly, they listened.According to thebiblical account, they satwithJob for several days, not saying anything,while Job poured out his grief andanger.That,Isuspect,wasthemosthelpfulpartoftheirvisit.Nothingtheydidafter that did Job asmuch good.When Job finished his outburst, they shouldhave said, “Yes, it’s really awful. We don’t know how you put up with it,”instead of feeling compelled to defend God and conventional wisdom. Theirsilent presence must have been a lot more helpful to their friend than theirlengthytheologicalexplanationswere.Wecanalllearnalessonfromthat.

I had an experience some years ago which taught me something about thewaysinwhichpeoplemakeabadsituationworsebyblamingthemselves.OneJanuary, I had to officiate at two funerals on successive days for two elderlywomeninmycommunity.Bothhaddied“fullofyears,”astheBiblewouldsay;bothsuccumbedtothenormalwearingoutofthebodyafteralongandfulllife.Theirhomeshappenedtobeneareachother,soIpaidcondolencecallsonthetwofamiliesonthesameafternoon.

At the firsthome, thesonof thedeceasedwomansaid tome,“Ifonly IhadsentmymothertoFloridaandgottenheroutofthiscoldandsnow,shewouldbe

alivetoday.It’smyfaultthatshedied.”Atthesecondhome,thesonoftheotherdeceasedwomansaid,“IfonlyIhadn’tinsistedonmymother’sgoingtoFlorida,shewouldbealivetoday.Thatlongairplaneride,theabruptchangeofclimate,wasmorethanshecouldtake.It’smyfaultthatshe’sdead.”

When thingsdon’t turnout aswewould like them to, it is very tempting toassumethathadwedonethingsdifferently,thestorywouldhavehadahappierending.Clergymenknowthatany time there isadeath, thesurvivorswill feelguilty.Becausethecourseofactiontheytookturnedoutbadly,theybelievethattheoppositecourse—keepingMotherathome,deferringtheoperation—wouldhave turned out better. After all, how could it have turned out any worse?Survivors feel guilty for still being alivewhile a lovedone is dead.They feelguiltywhentheythinkofallthekindwordstheynevergotaroundtosayingtothedeceased,and thegoodthings theyneverfoundtimetodoforher. Indeed,manyof themourningrituals inall religionsaredesignedtohelpthebereavedgetridoftheseirrationalfeelingsofguiltforatragedytheydidnotinfactcause.Butthesenseofguilt,thesenseof“it’smyfault,”seemstobeuniversal.

Thereseemtobetwoelementsinvolvedinourreadinesstofeelguilt.Thefirstisourstrenuousneedtobelievethattheworldmakessense,thatthereisacauseforeveryeffectandareasonforeverythingthathappens.Thatleadsustofindpatterns and connections both where they really exist (smoking leads to lungcancer;peoplewhowashtheirhandshavefewercontagiousdiseases)andwherethey exist only in our minds (the Red Sox win every time I wear my luckysweater; that boy I like talks tome on odd-numbered days, but not on even-numberedones,exceptwheretherehasbeenaholidaytothrowthepatternoff).Howmanypublicandpersonalsuperstitionsarebasedonsomethinggoodorbadhavinghappenedrightafterwedidsomething,andourassumingthatthesamethingwillfollowthesamepatterneverytime?

The second element is the notion that we are the cause of what happens,especiallythebadthingsthathappen.Itseemstobeashortstepfrombelievingthat every event has a cause to believing that every disaster is our fault. Theroots of this feeling may lie in our childhood. Psychologists speak of theinfantilemythofomnipotence.Ababycomes to think that theworldexists tomeethisneeds,andthathemakeseverythinghappeninit.Hewakesupinthemorningandsummonstherestoftheworldtoitstasks.Hecries,andsomeonecomestoattendtohim.Whenheishungry,peoplefeedhim,andwhenheiswet,

people change him. Very often, we do not completely outgrow that infantilenotionthatourwishescausethingstohappen.Apartofourmindcontinuestobelievethatpeoplegetsickbecausewehatethem.

Ourparents, in fact,oftenfeed thisnotion.Not realizinghowvulnerableourchildhoodegosare,theysnapatuswhentheyaretiredorfrustratedforreasonsthat have nothing to do with us. They bawl us out for being in the way, forleaving toys around or having the television set on too loud, and we in ourchildhood innocence assume that they are justified and we are the problem.Theirangermaypassinamoment,butwecontinuetobearthescarsoffeelingat fault, thinking thatwheneversomethinggoeswrong,weare toblamefor it.Yearslater,shouldsomethingbadhappentousoraroundus,feelingsfromourchildhoodreemergeandweinstinctivelyassumethatwehavemessedthingsupagain.

EvenJobwouldratherhavehadGoddocumenthisguiltthanadmitthatitwasall amistake. If he couldbe shown thathedeservedhis fate, thenat least theworldwouldmakesense.Itwouldbenopleasuretosufferforone’smisdeeds,but itmightbe easier to take than findingout thatwe live in a randomworldwherethingshappenfornoreason.

Sometimes, of course, a feeling of guilt is appropriate and necessary.Sometimes we have caused the sorrow in our lives and ought to takeresponsibility.Themanwhosatinmyofficeoneday,tellingmehowhelefthiswifeandyoungchildrentomarryhissecretary,andaskingmehowIcouldhelphim get over his guilt for what he had done to his children, was making animproper request ofme.He shouldhave felt guilty, and he should have beenthinkingintermsofmakingamendstohisfirstfamilyratherthanlookingforaway to shake his sense of guilt. A sense of our inadequacies and failings, arecognition that we could be better people thanwe usually are, is one of theforcesformoralgrowthandimprovementinoursociety.Anappropriatesenseofguiltmakespeopletrytobebetter.Butanexcessivesenseofguilt,atendencytoblameourselves for thingswhichareclearlynotour fault, robsusofour self-esteemandperhapsofourcapacitytogrowandtoact.

Oneof thehardest thingsBobeverdidwas toputhisseventy-eight-year-oldmother in a nursing home. It was a borderline case, because his mother wasbasicallyalertandhealthyanddidnotrequiremedicalcare,butcouldnolonger

feedortakecareofherself.Sixmonthsearlier,Bobandhiswifehadtakenherinto theirhomeafterherapartmentcaught firewhenshe forgot to turnoff thestove.Shewas lonely,depressed,andconfused.Bob’swifehad tocomehomefromherjobatnoontogivehermother-in-lawlunchandsitherinfrontofthetelevisionsetuntilthechildrencamehomefromschool.Bob’steenagedaughtercutdownonhereveningsociallifeto“baby-sit”forGrandmawhenBobandhiswife went out. The children were discouraged from bringing friends into thehouse: “It’s a small house and gets awfully noisy.”After a fewweeks, itwasclearthatthearrangementwasnotworkingout.Themembersofthefamilywerebecomingedgyand irritablewithone another.Eachonewaskeeping scoreofhowmuchheorshehad“givenup.”Boblovedhismother, thechildrenlovedGrandma,buttheyrealizedthatsheneededmorethantheywereinapositiontogive.Theywerenotpreparedtomakethesacrificesoftimeandlife-stylewhichcaringforasickoldwomanrequired.Theytalkeditoveronenight,madesomeinquiries, and reluctantly, but with a palpable sense of relief, placed her in anearbynursinghome.Bobknew thathewasdoing the right thing,buthe stillfelt guilty about it. His mother hadn’t wanted to go. She offered to be lessdemanding at home, to be less in theway. She criedwhen she saw the older,more crippled residents of the home,wondering perhaps how soon shewouldcometolooklikethem.

Thatweekend,Bob,whodidnotusuallythinkofhimselfasareligiousperson,decidedtogotoservicesbeforehedroveouttovisithismother.Hewasfeelingstrangeaboutthevisit,afraidofwhathewouldfindorwhathismotherwouldtell him, and he hoped that going to a religious service would give him thetranquillityandpeaceofmindheneeded.Asluckwouldhaveit,thesermonthatmorningwasontheFifthCommandment,“Honoryourfatherandmother.”Theclergyman spoke of the sacrifices parentsmake in raising children, and of thereluctance of children to appreciate those sacrifices. He criticized theselfcenteredness of today’s younger generation, saying, “Why is it that onemothercancareforsixchildren,butsixchildrencan’tcareforonemother?”AllaroundBobwereoldermenandwomen,noddingtheirheadsapprovingly.

Boblefttheservicefeelinghurtandangry.Hefeltthathehadjustbeentold,inthenameofGod, thathewasa selfishanduncaringperson.At lunch,hewasirritablewithhiswifeandchildren.Atthenursinghome,hewasimpatientwithhismotherandunabletorespondtoher.Hewasashamedofwhathehaddoneto

her, and angry at her for being the cause of his embarrassment andcondemnation.Thevisitwasanemotionaldisaster,leavingallpartieswonderingif the placement would ever work out. Bobwas haunted by the idea that hismotherdidn’thavelongtolive,andthatwhenshedied,hewouldneverbeableto forgive himself for having made her last years miserable because of hisselfishness.

Bob’ssituationwouldhavebeendifficultunderanycircumstances.Theguiltfeelings, the ambivalencewere there from the start.Thehelplessness of agingparents, their appeals to their children, tap feelings of inadequacy, buriedresentment, andguilt inmanyperfectlydecentpeople. It is ahard situation tohandleunderthebestofconditions.Theparentsareoftenscared,vulnerable,andsometimesemotionallyimmatureaswell.Theymaynotbeaboveusingillness,loneliness, or guilt tomanipulate their children into giving them the attentiontheydesperatelyneed.TheproverbialJewishmotherwhokeepsremindingherchildrenofhersacrificesinthenameoftheirhappiness,creatingadebtthatnoone could work off in a lifetime, has become a stock figure of literature andhumor. (HowmanyJewishmothersdoes it take tochangea lightbulb?None;“Don’tworryaboutme.Gohaveagoodtime.I’llbeallrightsittinghereinthedark.”)ButBob’ssituationwasmadeworsebyhishearingthevoiceofreligionasajudgmentalone.Thereshouldbesermonsaboutthehonordueparents,butthey should be careful not to play upon people’s predisposition to feel guilty.HadBobbeenmoreclearheadedthatmorning,hemighthavetoldthepreacherthatperhapssixchildrencan’ttakecareofonemotherbecausethosesixchildrenall have spouses and children of their own. He could have explained that helovedhismother,buthadaprimaryloyaltytothewell-beingofhisownwifeandchildren,evenas,whenhewasyoung,hismotherhadlovedherparentsbuthadbeenmore concernedwith him than shewaswith them.HadBob beenmoreconfidentof the rightnessofwhathehaddone,hemighthavespokenback tothose accusations. But because he walked into the service feeling just a littleguilty, theminister’swordsseemed toconfirmhisown troubling thoughts thathewas,infact,abadandselfishperson.

Ouregosaresovulnerable,itissoeasytomakeusfeelthatwearebadpeople,thatit isunworthyofreligiontomanipulateusinthatway.Indeed,thegoalofreligion should be to help us feel good about ourselves when we have madehonestandreasonable,butsometimespainfulchoicesaboutourlives.

Evenmore thanadults,children tend tosee themselvesas thecenterof theirworld, and to believe that their acts make things happen. They need a lot ofreassurance that when a parent dies, they did not cause it. “Daddy didn’t diebecauseyouwereangryathim.Hediedbecausehehadanaccident(oraserioussickness) and all the doctors couldn’tmake himget better.Weknow that youlovedyourdaddy,evenifsometimesyougotangryathim.Weallgetangryatpeoplewelovesometimes,butthatdoesn’tmeanthatwedon’tlovethemorthatwereallywantsomethingbadtohappentothem.”

Children need to be assured that the parentwho died did not reject themorchoose to leave them,an idea theymighteasilyget fromsuchexplanationsas“Daddy’s gone away and he won’t be coming back.” Even the author of theTwenty-seventhPsalmintheBible,amatureadultandagiftedpoet,speaksofthedeathofhisparentsinthoseterms:“Formyfatherandmotherhaveleftme.”Heissoemotionallyinvolvedintheirdeathsthathecannotseethingsfromtheirpointofview,thattheyweresickanddied,butonlyfromhisown,thattheylefthim.Itwouldbegoodtoreassureachildthatherfatherwantedtolive,thathewantedtocomehomefromthehospitalanddothingswithherthewayheusedto,buttheillnessoraccidentwassobadthathecouldn’t.

TotrytomakeachildfeelbetterbytellinghimhowbeautifulitisinheavenandhowhappyhisfatheristobewithGodisanotherwayofdeprivinghimofthechancetogrieve.Whenwedothat,weaskachildtodenyandmistrusthisown feelings, to be happy when he really wants to be sad even as all of usaroundhimaresad.

Thechild’srighttofeelupsetandangry,andtheappropriatenessofherbeingangryatthesituation(notatthedeceasedparentoratGod)shouldberecognizedatatimelikethis.

Thedeathofanotherchild,whetherbrother,friend,orstrangerwhosedeathispublicized in the media, also introduces into the child’s world a sense ofvulnerability.Forthefirsttime,herealizesthatsomethingscaryandpainfulcanhappen tosomeonehisage. Ihadbeen inmypresentcongregation less thanayearwhen Iwas calledon tobreak thenews to a father andmother that theirfive-year-oldsonhadbeenrunoverandkilledbythebusthatwasbringinghimhome fromday camp. In addition to trying to help the parents dealwith theirown overwhelming grief (and in addition to dealingwithmy own feelings—I

liked the boy, I liked the family, and I had recently learned thatmy own sonwoulddieyoung),Ihadtoexplaintomyownchildrenandtootheryoungstersinthecommunityhowsuchathingcouldhappentoayoungchild.

(AsIwasleavingtobewiththeparentstheeveningaftertheaccident,mysonAaron,whowasthenfour,askedmewhereIwasgoing.Iwasreluctanttotellhimthataboynearlyhisownagehadbeenkilled,andthenrunoutofthehousebeforewecouldtalkaboutit,soIsaidthataboyhadbeenhurt inanaccidentandIwasgoingtoseehowhewasdoing.Atseventhenextmorning,Aaron’sfirstwordstomewere,“Isthelittleboyallright?”)

My answer to the dead child’s neighborhood and nursery school playmatescame in two parts. First, I told them thatwhat had happened to Jonathanwasvery unusual. Thatwaswhy everybodywas talking about it. Thatwaswhy itwasontheradioandthefrontpageofthelocalnewspaper.Thissortofthingsorarelyhappensthatitisbignewswhenitdoes,becauseitissounusual.Almostallthetime,childrengetoffbusesandcrossstreetssafely.Almostallthetime,childrenwhofalldownandhurtthemselvesgetbetterafteralittlewhile.Almostall the time,whenchildrenget sick,doctorsareable tomake themfeelbetter.Butsometimes,onveryrareoccasions,achildgetshurtorgetssickandnobodycan make him better, and he dies. When that happens, everybody is verysurprisedandverysad.

Secondly,Itoldthechildren,Idon’twantyoutothinkthatwhathappenedtoJonathan was a punishment for his being bad. If you are remembering thatJonathandid somethinga littlenaughtya fewdaysago, andyesterdayhewasrunoveranddied,itdoesn’tmeanthatifyousometimesdothatsamenaughtything, something bad is going to happen to you. Jonathan didn’t get run overbecausehewasabadboyanddeservedtogetpunished.Hedeservedtogoonliving,playing,andhavingfun,butthisterrible,senselessaccidenthappened.

Childrenwhoareupset by the sight of a crippledor handicappedperson, orshyawayfromablindpersonoramanwithanartificiallimbbecausetheyarefrightenedbythethoughtthatsomethingsimilarmayhappentothem,shouldbegivenasimilarexplanation:Idon’tknowwhathappenedtothatman.Maybehewasinanaccident.Maybehehadaseriousdisease.Maybehewasinthearmy,fightingtoprotectthiscountry,andwaswounded.Itcertainlydoesn’tmeanthathewas a bad personwhomGod is punishing. (Think of all the fairy tales in

which hunch-backs, misshapen people, people with missing limbs, like PeterPan’sarchfoe,CaptainHook,areportrayedas subhumanvillainswho threatenchildren.) We can try to urge young children to be aware of the ninety-fivepercentofapersonthatisnormal,ratherthantheoneorganthatisflawed,inthepeopletheyseeandinthemselves.Sometimes,talkingopenlywithacrippledorhandicapped person about his artificial limb or missing vision can ease thebarrierofstrangenessanddispelthefearthechildfeels.(Thiswon’talwaysbepossible, though.Sometimescrippledorhandicappedpeople find ithard tobestaredatortotalkabouttheirinfirmities.Fortheirownemotionalstability,theymayfinditnecessarytobetakenasjustlikeanyoneelse.)

Children are particularly susceptible to feelings of guilt. But even as adults,many of us never totally outgrow that tendency. A wrong word, even bysomeone trying tobehelpful,will serve to reinforce the feeling that itwas, infact,ourfault.

Beverlywas crushedwhen her husband announced that hewas leaving her.Theyhadbeenmarriedfiveyears.Theyhadnochildren;hehadconvincedherthat they couldn’t afford to have her leave her job quite yet. They had hadarguments,butBeverlythoughttheirmarriagewasnobetterandnoworsethanthoseoftheirfriends.Then,oneSaturdaymorning,hetoldherhehaddecidedtoleave.Hesaidthathefoundherboring,thathewasfindingotherwomenhehadmetmoreinteresting,andthathedidnotthinkitwasfairtoeitherofthemtobe“stuckwitheachother”under thecircumstances.Anhour later,hehadpackedhisclothesandwasonhiswaytoafriend’sapartment.Stunned,Beverlydrovetoherparents’homeandbrokethenewstothem.Theycriedwithher,comfortedher, alternated between bitterness at her husband and practical advice aboutlawyers,housekeys,andbankaccounts.

Afterdinner thatevening,Beverly’smother,acaringandconcernedwoman,tookherasideand tried to talk toherabout it.Trying tobehelpful, sheaskedabout theirsexlife, theirfinances, theirpatternsof interaction, lookingforanycluetowhatmighthavecausedtheproblem.SuddenlyBeverlythrewdownhercoffee cup and burst out, “Will you please stop this? I’m tired of hearing,‘Maybeifyouhaddonethis’and‘Maybeifyouhadn’tdonethat.’Youmakeitsoundlikeitwasallmyfault.You’retellingmethatifIhadtriedhardertobeagoodwife,hewouldn’thaveleftme.Well, that’snotfair.Iwasagoodwife.Idon’tdeservetohavethishappen.It’snotmyfault!”

And she was right, even as her mother was right to try to talk to her andcomfort her. It is gratuitous, even cruel, to tell the personwho has been hurt,whether by divorce or death or other disaster, “Maybe if you had acteddifferently,thingswouldnothaveturnedoutsobadly.”Whenwesaythat,allweare really telling them is, “This is your fault for having chosen as you did.”Sometimesmarriagesfailbecausepeopleareimmature,orbecauseexpectationsareunrealisticonbothsides.Sometimespeoplediebecausetheyhaveincurablediseases,notbecausetheirfamiliesturnedtothewrongdoctororwaitedtoolongtogotothehospital.Sometimesbusinessesfailbecauseeconomicconditionsorpowerful competition doom them, not because one person in charge made awrongdecisioninacrucialmoment.Ifwewanttobeabletopickupthepiecesofourlivesandgoonliving,wehavetogetovertheirrationalfeelingthateverymisfortuneisourfault,thedirectresultofourmistakesormisbehavior.Wearereallynotthatpowerful.Noteverythingthathappensintheworldisourdoing.

Some years ago, I officiated at the funeral of a thirty-eight-year-oldwomanwhohaddiedofleukemia,leavingahusbandandonechild,aboyoffifteen.AsI entered the family’s home after the burial, I heard an aunt say to the boy,“Don’tfeelbad,Barry.GodtookyourmotherbecauseHeneededhernowmorethanyoudid.”Igivetheauntthebenefitofthedoubt:surelyshewastryingtomakeBarryfeelbetter.Shewastryingsomehowtomakesenseofahorribleandtragicevent.Butitseemstomethatshedidatleastthreethingsseriouslywronginthosetwosentences.

Firstofall,shetoldBarrynottofeelbad.Yetwhyshouldn’thefeelbadonthedayofhismother’sfuneral?Whyshouldn’thebeentitledtohonestfeelingsofpain,anger,loss?Whyshouldhehavetocensorhishonest,legitimatefeelingsinordertomakethedayeasierforotherpeople?

Second,sheexplainedhismother’sdeathintermsofGod“takingheraway.”Idon’tbelievethat.Itdoesn’tfitmyunderstandingofGod,anditcanserveonlytomakeBarryresentfulofGodandlessopentothecomfortingministrationsofreligion.

Butmost seriously of all, she suggested thatGod had takenBarry’smother“becauseHeneededhernowmorethanyoudid.”IthinkIunderstandwhatshewas trying to say. She wanted to say that her sister-in-law’s death was not

meaningless, that it served some purpose in God’s scheme of things. But Isuspect thatwas not themessage thatBarry got.WhatBarry heardwas, “It’syourfaultthatyourmotherdied.Youdidn’tneedherenough.Ifyouhadneededhermore,shewouldstillbealive.”

Canyou rememberwhat itwas like tobe fifteenyearsold, takingyour firstfaltering steps toward independence, loving and needing your parents and yetimpatientwiththefactthatyouneededthem,eagerforthedaywhenyoucouldoutgrowyourneedforthemandbeonyourown?IfBarrywasatypicalfifteen-year-old,heatethefoodhisparentsboughtandcookedforhim,woretheclothestheypurchasedforhim,livedinaroomintheirhouse,hadtoaskthemtodrivehimwhere he needed to go, and dreamed of the daywhen hewouldn’t needthem in those ways anymore. Then suddenly his mother died, and his auntexplained her death by saying, “You didn’t need her enough, that’s why shedied.”Thatwasnotwhatheneededtohearthatday.

Ihad tospendmanyhourswithBarry,overcominghis initialangeratmeasthe representative of the cruel God who had snatched his mother from him,overcoming his reluctance to discuss a painful subject which he was afraidwould point up his guilt and shame. I had to persuade him that his mother’sdeathwasnot his fault. Shedidn’t die because he resentedher, neglectedher,aggravated her, or sometimes wished she would get out of his life. She diedbecause she had leukemia. I told him I didn’t know why his mother gotleukemia. I didn’t knowwhy anybody gets it. But I believed as strongly as IbelieveanythingthatGodhadnotwilledit,notasapunishmentforhim,notasapunishmentforher.IsaidtoBarry,asIfeelreligiouspeopleshouldsaytothosewhohave been hurt by life, “Thiswas not your fault.You are a good, decentpersonwhodeservesbetter.Icanunderstandthatyoufeelhurt,confused,angryatwhathappened,butthereisnoreasonwhyyoushouldfeelguilty.Asamanoffaith,IhavecomehereinGod’sname,nottojudgeyou,buttohelpyou.Willyouletmehelpyou?”

Wheneverbad thingshappentogoodpeople, there is likely tobe thefeelingthatwemight have prevented themisfortune ifwe had acted differently.Andthere will almost certainly be feelings of anger. It seems to be instinctive tobecomeangrywhenwearehurt.Istubmytoeagainstachair,andIamangryatthe chair for being there, and angry at myself for not watching where I wasgoing.Oneof the importantquestionswhenwearehurtandangryis,whatdo

wedowithouranger?

Linda,aschoolguidancecounselor,camehomeoneafternoonandfoundthather apartment had been robbed. Her television set and tape deck were gone.Jewelry that had been given to her by her grandmother wasmissing. Clotheswerestrewnallaroundtheapartment;herlingeriedrawerwasemptiedontothefloor.Lindawasevenmorehurtandupsetbythisinvasionofherprivacythanshewasbythemonetaryloss.Feelingalmostphysicallyviolated,shefellintoachair and cried at the unfairness of it all. A complicatedmixture of emotionswashedoverher.Shefelthurt,ashamedwithoutknowingwhy,angryatherselffornotmakingtheapartmentmoresecure,angryatherjobforkeepingherawayfromhomeandleavingtheapartmentaccessibletoburglars,andformakinghercome home so emotionally drained that she couldn’t handle this additionalinsult.Shefeltangryatthesuperintendentofthebuildingandatthepolicemanonthecornerfornotprotectingherpropertybetter,angryatthecityforbeingsofullofcriminalsand junkies,angryat theworld ingeneral forbeingsounfair.She had been hurt, and she knew that she was deeply upset, but she wasconfusedaboutwheretodirectheranger.

Sometimesweturnourangeruponthepersonresponsibleforhurtingus: thesupervisorwhofiredus,thewifewhowalkedoutonus,thedriverwhocausedtheaccident.Sometimes,becauseourangerismorethanwecancontain,wefindsomeonetoblame,guiltyornot,convincingourselvesthattheycouldhaveandshouldhavepreventedthetragedy.Ihavehadpeopletellmeaboutthedeathtenyears agoof awife or child, and in the course of telling their story, theywillbecomejustasangryastheyweretenyearsagoat thedoctorwhocouldn’tbereachedorwhomissedadiagnosis.

Someoftheworstinstancesofthisarethetradingofaccusationsbyhusbandand wife after a child has died. “Why weren’t you watching him morecarefully?”“Whyweren’tyouhomesothatIwouldn’thavehadmyhandsfullwithsomanythingsalloverthehouse?”“Maybeifyouhadfedhimbetter....”“If he hadn’t gotten chilled on that stupid fishing trip. . . .” “My side of thefamily has always been healthy; it’s your relativeswho are disease-prone.”Amanandawomanwhocareabouteachotherhavebeenbadlyhurt.Becausetheywere hurt, they are angry, and they direct their anger at the closest availabletarget.

Similar,butnotquiteastragic,isthemanwholoseshisjobandtakeshisangeroutonhiswife.Shedistractedhimfromconcentratingonhisjobwithproblemsat home, she demoralized him, didn’t entertain the boss or the importantcustomerproperly.

Sometimes,ifwecan’tfindanotherpersontodumpourangeron,weturnitonourselves.Thetextbookdefinitionofdepressionisangerturnedinwardinsteadofbeingdischargedoutward.Isuspectwehaveallknownpeoplewhobecamedepressedafteradeath,adivorce,arejectionorlossofajob.Theystayedhome,slept till noon, neglected their personal appearance, and spurned all efforts atfriendship. This is depression, our anger at being hurt turned inward ontoourselves.Ifweblameourselves,wewanttohurtourselves,topunishourselvesforwhatwemessedup.

AndsometimesweareangryatGod.Becausewewerebroughtuptobelievethat everything that happens is His will, we hold Him responsible for whathappened, or at the very least for not having prevented it from happening.Religiouspeoplestopbeingreligious,perhapsbecausetheyfindtheprayersandceremonies no longer express their feelings (“What do I have to be thankfulfor?”),perhapsasawayof“gettingevenwithGod.”Sometimestragedymakesnonreligious people religious in an angry, defiant way. “I have to believe inGod,”onemantoldme,“sothatIhavesomeonetoblame,someonetocurseandshoutat,whenIthinkofwhatI’vegonethrough.”

InhisnovelThePromise,ChaimPotoktellsthestoryofaboywhobecomesmentally ill because he can’t handle his anger at his father. Michael Gordonloves and admires his father somuch that he can’t face the fact that he oftenresents him and feels angry toward him.The psychiatrist,Danny Saunders, isable to helpMichael because he has had towork throughhis own ambivalentfeelings of love-hate-admiration-anger toward his own powerful, admirable,dominating father, and has done so successfully.One of the fascinatingminorcharactersinThePromiseisRabbiKalman,ateacherintherabbinicalseminaryattendedbyDanny’sbestfriend(whoisthebook’snarrator).RabbiKalmanisasurvivor of the Holocaust. His wife and children died in the concentrationcamps. He is a rigidly Orthodox Jew who considers it a sin even to raisequestionsaboutGodandwhyHedoesthingsthewayHedoes.Onemustbelievewholeheartedly,withoutdoubts.

While Potok nevermakes the point explicitly, I understood the character ofRabbi Kalman to be intended to provide a parallel to Danny Saunders andMichaelGordon. Just asMichael became sick because he couldn’t handle hisanger at his father, Rabbi Kalman has become a tyrannical, unsympatheticperson because he can’t face up to his anger at his Father in Heaven. RabbiKalmanpermitsnodoubting,noquestioningofGod,becausesomewhereintherecessesofhismindheknowshowfuriouslyangryheisatGodforthedeathofhisfamily,andheknowsthatanyquestionswillendinanangryoutburstagainstGod,maybeeven the rejectionofGodand religionentirely.Andhecan’t riskthathappening.IsRabbiKalmanafraidthathisanger,shouldheeverunleashit,issopowerfulitwoulddestroyGod?Orisheafraidthat,shouldheeverrevealhowangryheis,Godwillpunishhimevenfurther?

In thenovel,Michael ismadewholebybeing taught not tobe afraidof hisanger.Hisangerisnormal,understandable,andalotlessdestructivethanhehasbelieved.Heistold,tohisimmenserelief,thatitisallrighttobeangryatpeopleyoulove.ButnoonetellsRabbiKalmanthatitisallrighttobeangryatGod.

Actually,beingangryatGodwon’thurtGod,andneitherwillitprovokeHimtotakemeasuresagainstus.IfitmakesusfeelbettertoventourangeratHimoverapainfulsituation,wearefreetodoit.TheonlythingwrongwithdoingitisthatwhathappenedtouswasnotreallyGod’sfault.

Whatdowedowithourangerwhenwehavebeenhurt?Thegoal,ifwecanachieveit,wouldbetobeangryatthesituation,rather thanatourselves,oratthosewhomighthavepreventeditorareclosetoustryingtohelpus,oratGodwholetithappen.Gettingangryatourselvesmakesusdepressed.Beingangryatotherpeoplescares themawayandmakes itharder for themtohelpus.Beingangry at God erects a barrier between us and all the sustaining, comfortingresourcesofreligionthataretheretohelpusatsuchtimes.Butbeingangryatthesituation,recognizingitassomethingrotten,unfair,andtotallyundeserved,shoutingaboutit,denouncingit,cryingoverit,permitsustodischargetheangerwhichisapartofbeinghurt,withoutmakingitharderforustobehelped.

Jealousy is almost as inevitable a part of being hurt by life as are guilt andanger. How can the injured person not feel jealous of people who may notdeservebetter,buthavereceivedbetter?Howcan thewidownotbe jealousofevenherclosestfriendswhostillhaveahusbandtogohometo?Howshouldthe

womanwhosedoctorhas toldhershewillneverbeable tobearchildrenreactwhenhersister-in-lawconfidestoherthatsomethingmayhavegonewrongandshemaybepregnantafourthtime?

Itservesnopurposetotrytomoralizeagainstjealousyandtalkpeopleoutofit.Jealousyistoostrongafeeling.Ittouchesustoodeeply,hurtingusinplaceswecareabout.Somepsychologiststracetheoriginsofjealousytosiblingrivalry.As children,we competewithour brothers and sisters for our parents’ limitedloveandattention.Itissoimportanttous,notonlytobetreatedwell,buttobetreatedbetterthantheothers.Thewhitemeatofthechicken,thelargestdessertare not only servings of food but symbolic statements about which child ourparentslovemost.Itisthatreassuranceofwinningthelovecontest,notthefood,thatweyearnforandcompetefor.(Didyouknowthatthefirstmentionof“sin”intheBibleisnotinconnectionwithAdamandEveeatingtheforbiddenfruit,but relates to Cain killing his brother Abel in a fit of jealousy, because GodpreferredAbel’sofferingtohisown?)Whenwegrowup,wemayneverentirelyoutgrowthosechildhoodhabitsofcompetition,ofneedingtobereassured thatweare“moreloved,”evenaswemaynevertotallyoutgrowthehabitofthinkingofGodasaHeavenlyParent.Forustosufferanaccidentorbereavementisbadenough. But for us to suffer it while those around us don’t is even worse,becausethatawakensalltheoldchildhoodcompetitivenessinus,andseemstoproclaimtoallthatGodlovesthemmorethanHelovesus.

We can understand the logic of the statement that we would not be anyhealthierifourfriendsandneighborswereseriouslyill,norwouldwetakeanypleasure in their being sick.We can know full well thatwewould be just aslonely in our bereavement if our friends’ husbands died, and we don’t reallywantthattohappen.(Itwillhappenoneday,andthenwewillhavetocontendwithourguiltfeelingsforhavingwishedit.)Wecanknowallthat,andstillfeelresentfultowardthemforhavingtheirhealth,theirfamilies,theirjobswhenwehavelostours.Wecanevenunderstandthatasweresentthegoodfortuneofthepeoplearoundus,wemakeitharderforthemtohelpus,becausetheysensetheresentmentand theestrangement.Wehurtourselvesmore thananyoneelsebyfeelingjealous,andweknowit.Butwestillfeelit.

There is an old Chinese tale about thewomanwhose only son died. In hergrief, she went to the holy man and said, “What prayers, what magicalincantationsdoyouhavetobringmysonbacktolife?”Insteadofsendingher

away or reasoningwith her, he said to her, “Fetchme amustard seed from ahomethathasneverknownsorrow.Wewilluseittodrivethesorrowoutofyourlife.” Thewoman set off at once in search of thatmagicalmustard seed. Shecamefirst toasplendidmansion,knockedat thedoor,andsaid,“Iamlookingforahomethathasneverknownsorrow.Isthissuchaplace?Itisveryimportanttome.”Theytoldher,“You’vecertainlycometothewrongplace,”andbegantodescribeallthetragicthingsthathadrecentlybefallenthem.Thewomansaidtoherself, “Who is better able tohelp thesepoorunfortunatepeople than I,whohavehadmisfortuneofmyown?”Shestayedtocomfortthem,thenwentoninhersearchforahomethathadneverknownsorrow.Butwhereversheturned,inhovels and in palaces, she found one tale after another of sadness andmisfortune.Ultimately,shebecamesoinvolvedinministeringtootherpeople’sgrief that she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, neverrealizingthatithadinfactdriventhesorrowoutofherlife.

Perhapsthatistheonlycureforjealousy,torealizethatthepeopleweresentandenvyforhavingwhatwelack,probablyhavewoundsandscarsoftheirown.Theymay even be envying us. Themarriedwomanwho tries to comfort herwidowedneighbormayhave reason to fear thatherhusbandwill losehis job.Shemayhaveadelinquentchildtoworryabout.Thepregnantsister-in-lawmayhavegotten somedisturbingnewsaboutherownhealth.When Iwasayoungrabbi, peoplewould often resistmy efforts to help them in their sorrow.WhowasI,young,healthy,gainfullyemployed,tocomeinandmouthclichésaboutsharingtheirpain?Overtheyears,though,astheylearnedmoreaboutourson’sillnessandprognosis,theresistancemelted.Theyacceptedmyconsolationsnow,becausetheynolongerhadreasontoresentmygoodfortuneascontrastedwiththeirbadluck.IwasnolongerGod’smorefavoredchild.Iwastheirbrotherinsuffering,andtheywereabletoletmehelpthem.

Buteveryoneisourbrotherorsisterinsuffering.Noonecomestousfromahomewhichhasneverknown sorrow.Theycome tohelpusbecause they tooknowwhatitfeelsliketobehurtbylife.

I don’t thinkwe should confront one anotherwith our troubles. (“You thinkyou’vegotproblems?Letmetellyoumyproblems,andyou’llrealizehowwelloffyouare.”)Thatsortofcompetitivenessaccomplishesnothing.Itisasbadasthe competitiveness that spawns sibling rivalry and jealousy in the first place.The afflicted person is not looking for an invitation to join the Suffering

Olympics.But itwould help ifwe remembered this:Anguish and heart-breakmaynotbedistributedevenlythroughouttheworld,buttheyaredistributedverywidely.Everyonegetshisshare.Ifweknewthefacts,wewouldveryrarelyfindsomeonewhoselifewastobeenvied.

Seven

GodCan’tDoEverything,ButHeCanDoSomeImportantThings

It is shortly before eleven o’clock one night when the telephone rings at myhome.Ifindthattelephoneshaveaspecial,ominouswayofringinglateatnight,telling you even before you answer them that something bad is happening. Ianswer,andthevoiceattheotherendidentifieshimselfassomeoneIhavenevermet,norisheamemberofmycongregation.Hetellsmethathismotherisinthehospital, andwill undergoa seriousoperation the followingmorning.Would Ipleasesayaprayerforherrecovery?Itrytogetmoreinformation,butthemanisclearlyupsetandinastateofturmoil.Isettleforwritingdownhismother’sHebrewname,assurehimthattheprayerwillbeoffered,andwishhimandhismother well. I hang up and I feel troubled, as I often do after such aconversation.

Praying for a person’s health, for a favorable outcome of an operation, hasimplicationsthatoughttodisturbathoughtfulperson.Ifprayerworkedthewaymany people think it does, no onewould ever die, because no prayer is everoffered more sincerely than the prayer for life, for health and recovery fromillness,forourselvesandforthosewelove.

IfwebelieveinGod,butwedonotholdGodresponsibleforlife’stragedies,ifwe believe that Godwants justice and fairness but cannot always arrange forthem,what arewe doingwhenwe pray toGod for a favorable outcome to acrisisinourlife?

DoI—anddoesthemanwhocalledme—reallybelieveinaGodwhohasthepower to curemalignancies and influence theoutcomeof surgery, andwilldothatonly if the rightperson recites the rightwords in the right language?AndwillGodletapersondiebecauseastranger,prayingonherbehalf,gotsomeofthewordswrong?WhoamonguscouldrespectorworshipaGodwhoseimplicitmessage was “I could have made your mother healthy again, but you didn’tpleadandgrovelenough”?

And ifwedon’tgetwhatweprayed for,howdowekeep fromeitherbeing

angrywithGodorfeelingthatwehavebeenjudgedandfoundwanting?HowdoweavoidfeelingthatGodhasletusdownjustwhenweneededHimmost?Andhow do we avoid the equally undesirable alternative of feeling that God hasdisapprovedofus?

Imaginethemindandheartofablindorcrippledchildwhohasbeenraisedonpious stories with happy endings, stories of people who prayed and weremiraculously cured. Imagine that child praying with all the sincerity andinnocence he canmuster, thatGodmake himwhole, like other children.Andnow imaginehisgrief,hisanger turnedoutwardatGodandat thosewho toldhim those stories, or turned inward on himself, when he realizes that hishandicap is going to be permanent.What betterway to teach children to hateGod than to teach them that God could have cured them, but “for their owngood”chosenotto?

Thereare severalways inwhichwecananswer thepersonwhoasks, “Whydidn’t I get what I prayed for?” And most of the answers are problematic,leadingtofeelingsofguilt,oranger,orhopelessness.

—Youdidn’tgetwhatyouprayedfor,becauseyoudidn’tdeserveit.

—Youdidn’tgetwhatyouprayedfor,becauseyoudidn’tprayhardenough.

—Youdidn’tgetwhatyouprayedfor,becauseGodknowswhatisbestforyoubetterthanyoudo.

—Youdidn’t getwhat youprayed for, because someone else’s prayer for theoppositeresultwasmoreworthy.

—Youdidn’tgetwhatyouprayedfor,becauseprayerisasham;Goddoesn’thearprayers.

—Youdidn’tgetwhatyouprayedforbecausethereisnoGod.

Ifwearenotsatisfiedwithanyof theseanswers,butdon’twant togiveuponthe idea of prayer, there is one other possibility. We can change ourunderstandingofwhatitmeanstopray,andwhatitmeansforourprayerstobeanswered.

The Talmud, the compilation of discussions of Jewish Law which I havequoted earlier in this book, gives examples of bad prayers, improper prayers,whichoneshouldnotutter.Ifawomanispregnant,neithershenorherhusbandshouldpray,“MayGodgrantthatthischildbeaboy”(nor,forthatmatter,maytheypraythatitbeagirl).Thesexofthechildisdeterminedatconception,andGodcannotbe invoked tochange it.Again, if amanseesa fireengine racingtowardhisneighborhood,heshouldnotpray,“PleaseGod,don’tletthefirebeinmyhouse.”Notonlyisitmean-spiritedtopraythatsomeoneelse’shouseburninstead of yours, but it is futile. A certain house is already on fire; the mostsincereorarticulateofprayerswillnotaffectthequestionofwhichhouseitis.

We can extend this logic to contemporary situations. It would be equallyimproper for a high school senior, holding a letter from a college admissionsoffice,topray,“PleaseGod,letitbeanacceptance,”orforapersonwaitingforthereportofabiopsytopray,“PleaseGod,leteverythingbeallright.”Aswiththe Talmudic cases of the pregnant woman and the burning house, certainconditionsalreadyexist.WecannotaskGodtogobackandrewritethepast.

Neither, as we have suggested already, can we ask God to change laws ofnature for our benefit, to make fatal conditions less fatal or to change theinexorable course of an illness. Sometimesmiracles do happen.Malignanciesmysteriouslydisappear; incurablepatients recover,andbaffleddoctorscredit ittoanactofGod.Allwecandoinacaselikethatisechothedoctor’sbewilderedgratitude.Wedon’tknowwhysomepeoplespontaneouslyrecoverfromillnesseswhichkillorcrippleothers.Wedon’tknowwhysomepeopledieincarcrashesorplanecrashes,whileotherpeople,sittingrightnexttothem,walkawaywithafewcutsandbruisesandabadscare.Ican’tbelievethatGodchoosestoheartheprayers of some and not of others. There would be no discernible rhyme orreasontoHisdoingthat.NoamountofresearchintothelivesofthosewhodiedandthosewhosurvivedwouldhelpuslearnhowtoliveorhowtopraysothatwetoowouldwinGod’sfavor.

When miracles occur, and people beat the odds against their survival, wewouldbewelladvisedtobowourheadsinthanksatthepresenceofamiracle,andnotthinkthatourprayers,contributions,orabstentionsarewhatdidit.Thenexttimewetry,wemaywonderwhyourprayersareineffective.

Anothercategoryofprayernot fit forprayingwouldbeprayersmeant todo

someoneelseharm. Ifprayer, like religionasawhole, ismeant toenlargeoursouls,itshouldnotbeputtotheserviceofmeanness,envy,orvengeance.Thestoryistoldoftwoshopkeeperswhowerebitterrivals.Theirstoreswereacrossthestreetfromeachother,andtheywouldspendeachdaysittinginthedoorway,keepingtrackofeachother’sbusiness.Ifonegotacustomer,hewouldsmileintriumphathisrival.Onenight,anangelappearedtooneoftheshopkeepersinadream and said, “God has sent me to teach you a lesson. He will give youanything you ask for, but I want you to know that, whatever you get, yourcompetitoracrossthestreetwillgettwiceasmuch.Wouldyoubewealthy?Youcanbeverywealthy,buthewillbetwiceasrich.Doyouwanttolivealongandhealthy life? You can, but his life will be longer and healthier. You can befamous,havechildrenyouwillbeproudof,whateveryoudesire.Butwhateveryouget,hewillget twiceasmuch.”Themanfrowned, thoughtforamoment,andsaid,“Allright,myrequestis:strikemeblindinoneeye.”

Finally, we cannot ask God in prayer to do something which is within ourpower, so as to spareus the choreofdoing it.Acontemporary theologianhaswrittenthesewords:

WecannotmerelypraytoYou,OGod,toendwar;ForweknowthatYouhavemadetheworldinawayThatmanmustfindhisownpathtopeaceWithinhimselfandwithhisneighbor.WecannotmerelypraytoYou,OGod,toendstarvation;ForyouhavealreadygivenustheresourcesWithwhichtofeedtheentireworldIfwewouldonlyusethemwisely.WecannotmerelypraytoYou,OGod,Torootoutprejudice,ForYouhavealreadygivenuseyesWithwhichtoseethegoodinallmenIfwewouldonlyusethemrightly.WecannotmerelypraytoYou,OGod,toenddespair,ForYouhavealreadygivenusthepowerToclearawayslumsandtogivehopeIfwewouldonlyuseourpowerjustly.WecannotmerelypraytoYou,OGod,toenddisease,

ForyouhavealreadygivenusgreatmindswithwhichTosearchoutcuresandhealing,Ifwewouldonlyusethemconstructively.ThereforewepraytoYouinstead,OGod,Forstrength,determination,andwillpower,Todoinsteadofjusttopray,Tobecomeinsteadofmerelytowish.

JackRiemer,LikratShabbat

Ifwecannotprayfortheimpossible,ortheunnatural,ifwecannotprayoutofasenseofrevengeor irresponsibility,askingGodtodoourworkforus,what isleftforustoprayfor?Whatcanprayerdoforus,tohelpuswhenwehurt?

Thefirstthingprayerdoesforusistoputusintouchwithotherpeople,peoplewhosharethesameconcerns,values,dreams,andpainsthatwedo.Attheendofthenineteenthcenturyandthebeginningofthetwentieth,oneofthefoundersof the discipline of sociology was a French-man by the name of EmileDurkheim.ThegrandsonofanOrthodoxrabbi,Durkheimwasinterestedintherole thatsocietyplayed inshapingaperson’s religiousandethicaloutlook.HespentyearsintheSouthSeaislandsstudyingthereligionofprimitivenativesinorder to find out what religionwas like before it was formalizedwith prayerbooks and professional clergy. In 1912, he published his important bookElementaryFormsoftheReligiousLife,inwhichhesuggestedthattheprimarypurposeofreligionatitsearliestlevelwasnottoputpeopleintouchwithGod,buttoputthemintouchwithoneanother.Religiousritualstaughtpeoplehowtosharewiththeirneighborstheexperiencesofbirthandbereavement,ofchildrenmarryingandparentsdying.Therewereritualsforplantingandforharvesting,for thewinter solstice and for thevernal equinox. In thatway, the communitywouldbeabletosharethemostjoyousandthemostfrighteningmomentsoflife.Noonewouldhavetofacethemalone.

Ithinkthatisstillwhatreligiondoesbest.Evenpeoplewhoarenotordinarilyrituallyinclinedrespondtoatraditionalweddinginthepresenceoffriendsandneighbors,withfamiliarwordsspokenandfamiliarceremoniesperformed,eventhoughtheirmarriagewouldbejustaslegalifitwereperformedintheprivacyofajudge’schambers.Weneedtoshareourjoyswithotherpeople,andweneedevenmoretoshareourfearsandourgrief.TheJewishcustomofsittingshiva,

thememorialweekafteradeath,liketheChristianwakeorchapelvisit,growsoutofthisneed.Whenwefeelsoterriblyalone,singledoutbythehandoffate,whenwearetemptedtocrawloffinadarkcornerandfeelsorryforourselves,weneedtoberemindedthatwearepartofacommunity, that therearepeoplearoundwhocareaboutusandthatwearestillpartofthestreamoflife.Atthispoint, religion structureswhatwe do, forcing us to bewith people and to letthemintoourlives.

Sooften,whenImeetwithafamilyafteradeathandbeforeafuneralservice,they will ask me, “Do we really need to sit shiva, to have all those peoplecrowding intoour living room?Couldn’twe justask themto leaveusalone?”Myresponse is,“No, lettingpeople intoyourhome, intoyourgrief, isexactlywhatyouneednow.Youneed to sharewith them, to talk to them, to let themcomfortyou.Youneedtoberemindedthatyouarestillalive,andpartofaworldoflife.”

There is a marvelous custom in the Jewish mourning ritual called se’udathavra’ah, the meal of replenishment. On returning from the cemetery, themourner is not supposed to take food for himself (or to serve others). Otherpeoplehavetofeedhim,symbolizingthewaythecommunityralliesaroundhimtosustainhimandtotrytofilltheemptinessinhisworld.

Andwhen themournerattends services to recite theMourners’Kaddish, theprayer recited for a year after a death, he feels the context of a supportive,sympathetic congregation around him. He sees and hears other mourners,bereaved even as he is, and he feels less singled out by adverse fate. He iscomforted by their presence, by his being accepted and consoled by thecommunity rather than being shunned as a victim whomGod has seen fit topunish.

Intheincidentwithwhichthischapterbegan,astrangerphonedmetoaskmetoprayforhismother,whowasgoingtobeoperatedon.WhydidIagree,ifIdon’tbelievethatmyprayers(orhis,forthatmatter)willmoveGodtoaffecttheresultsof thesurgery?Byagreeing, Iwassaying tohim,“Ihearyourconcernaboutyourmother.Iunderstandthatyouareworriedandafraidofwhatmighthappen.IwantyoutoknowthatIandyourneighborsinthiscommunitysharethatconcern.Wearewithyou,eventhoughwedon’tknowyou,becausewecanimagine ourselves being in your situation and wanting and needing all the

supportwecanget.Wearehopingandprayingalongwithyouthatthingsturnout well, so that you don’t have to feel that you are facing this frighteningsituationalone.Ifithelpsyou,ifithelpsyourmother,toknowthatwetooareconcernedandhopingforherrecovery,letmeassureyouthatthatisthecase.”And I firmly believe that knowing that people care canaffect the course of aperson’shealth.

Prayer,when it isoffered in the rightway, redeemspeople from isolation. Itassuresthemthattheyneednotfeelaloneandabandoned.Itletsthemknowthattheyarepartofagreaterreality,withmoredepth,morehope,morecourage,andmore of a future than any individual could have by himself. One goes to areligious service, one recites the traditional prayers, not in order to find God(there are plenty of other places where He can be found), but to find acongregation, to find people with whom you can share that whichmeans themosttoyou.Fromthatpointofview,justbeingabletoprayhelps,whetheryourprayerchangestheworldoutsideyouornot.

ThatwonderfulstorytellerHarryGoldenmakesthispointinoneofhisstories.Whenhewasyoung,heonceaskedhisfather,“Ifyoudon’tbelieveinGod,whydo you go to synagogue so regularly?” His father answered, “Jews go tosynagogueforallsortsofreasons.MyfriendGarfinkle,whoisOrthodox,goestotalktoGod.IgototalktoGarfinkle.”

But that isonlyhalfof theanswer toourquestion“Whatgooddoes itdo topray?”—perhapsthelessimportanthalf.Beyondputtingusintouchwithotherpeople,prayerputsusintouchwithGod.Iamnotsureprayerputsusintouchwith God the way many people think it does—that we approach God as asupplicant,abeggaraskingforfavors,orasacustomerpresentingHimwithashopping list and askingwhat itwill cost. Prayer is not primarily amatter ofaskingGodtochangethings.Ifwecancometounderstandwhatprayercanandshouldbe,andridourselvesofsomeunrealisticexpectations,wewillbebetterabletocallonprayer,andonGod,whenweneedthemmost.

Let me contrast two prayers found in the Bible, both spoken by the sameperson,inalmostthesamecircumstances,twentyyearsapart.BotharefoundintheBookofGenesis,inthecycleofstoriesaboutthelivesofthepatriarchs.

Inchapter28,Jacobisayoungman,spendinghisfirstnightawayfromhome.

Hehaslefthisparents’home,havingquarreledwithhisfatherandbrother,andistravelingonfoottothelandofAramtolivewithhisuncleLaban.Scaredandinexperienced, feelingashamedofwhathehasdoneathomeandnotknowingwhatliesinstoreforhimatLaban’shouse,heprays,“IfGodwillbewithmeonthisventure,protectingme,givingmefoodtoeatandclothestowear,andifIcomebacksafetomyfather’shouse,thentheLordwillbemyonlyGod.Iwilldedicate an altar toHim and set aside a tenth of all I earn forHim.” Jacob’sprayer here is the prayer of a frightened youngmanwho is setting out to dosomethinghard,isnotsurehecandoit,andthinkshecan“bribe”Godtomakethingsworkoutforhim.HeispreparedtomakeitworthGod’swhiletoprotecthimandmakehimprosper,andheapparentlybelievesinaGodwhosefavorcanbewonandwhoseprotectioncanbeboughtwithpromisesofprayer,charity,andexclusiveworship.Hisattitude,muchlikethatofsomanypeopletodayfacingillnessormisfortune,isexpressedinthisway:“PleaseGod,makethisworkoutwellandI’lldowhateverYouwant.I’llstoplying,I’llgotoservicesregularly—YounameitandI’lldoitifYoujustgrantmethis.”Whenwearenotpersonallyinvolved, we can recognize the immaturity of this attitude, and the immaturepicture of God at work here. It is not immoral to think that way, but it isinaccurate.Thatisnotthewaytheworldworks.God’sblessingsarenotforsale.

Ultimately, Jacob learns that lesson. As the biblical account of his lifecontinues,JacobspendstwentyyearsatLaban’shouse.HemarriesLaban’stwodaughters and has many children. He works hard and accumulates thebeginningsofasmallfortune.Thenthedaycomesforhimtotakehiswivesandchildren,his flocksandherds,andgohome.Hecomes to thesameriverbankwherehehadstoodandprayed inchapter28.Again,he isanxiousandafraid.Again,heisheadingintoanewcountry,anunfamiliarsituation.HeknowsthatthenextdayhewillhavetoconfronthisbrotherEsau,whohadthreatenedtokillhimtwentyyearsearlier.Onceagain,Jacobprays.But this time,becauseheistwentyyearsolderandwiser,heoffersaverydifferentprayer thanhedidasaboy.Inchapter32ofGenesis,Jacobprays:“GodofmyfatherAbrahamandofmyfather Isaac, Iamunworthyofall thekindnessYouhaveshownme. I lastcrossedthisriverwithnothingbutmystaffinmyhand,andnowIhavegrowntotwocamps.Deliverme,Ipray,frommybrotherEsau,forIamafraidofhim....ForitwasYouwhosaidtome,Iwillmakeyouroffspringlikethesandofthesea.”

In otherwords, Jacob’s prayer no longer tries tomake a dealwithGod, nordoes it presentGodwith a long list of demands—food, clothing, prosperity, asafereturn.ItacknowledgesthatthereisnocurrencyinwhichGodcanbepaidforblessingandhelpingus.Jacob’smatureprayersayssimply,“God,IhavenoclaimsonYouandnothingtoofferYou.YouhavealreadygivenmemorethanIhadanyrighttoexpect.ThereisonlyonereasonformyturningtoYounow—becauseIneedYou.Iamscared;Ihavetofaceuptosomethinghardtomorrow,andIamnotsureIcandoitalone,withoutYou.God,youoncegavemereasontobelievethatIwascapableofmakingsomethingofmylife. IfYoumeant it,thenYouhadbetterhelpmenow,becauseIcan’thandlethisalone.”

Jacob doesn’t askGod tomakeEsau go away, to crippleEsau’s strength ormagicallyerasehismemory. JacobasksGodonly tomakehim lessafraid,byletting him know that He is at his side, so that whatever the next day mightbring,hewillbeabletohandleitbecausehewon’thavetofaceitalone.

ThatisthekindofprayerthatGodanswers.Wecan’tpraythatHemakeourlives free of problems; thiswon’t happen, and it is probably just aswell.Wecan’t askHim tomake us and thosewe love immune to disease, becauseHecan’tdo that.Wecan’taskHim toweaveamagic spell aroundus so thatbadthingswillonlyhappen tootherpeople, andnever tous.Peoplewhopray formiracles usually don’t get miracles, any more than children who pray forbicycles,goodgrades,orboyfriendsgetthemasaresultofpraying.Butpeoplewho pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace torememberwhat they have left instead ofwhat they have lost, very often findtheir prayers answered. They discover that they have more strength, morecouragethantheyeverknewthemselvestohave.Wheredidtheygetit?Iwouldlike to think that their prayers helped them find that strength. Their prayershelpedthemtaphiddenreservesoffaithandcouragewhichwerenotavailabletothem before. The widow who asks me on the day of her husband’s funeral,“WhatdoIhavetolivefornow?,”yetinthecourseoftheensuingweeksfindsreasonstowakeupinthemorningandlookforwardtotheday;themanwhohaslosthisjoborclosedhisbusinessandsaystome,“Rabbi,I’mtoooldandtiredto start alloveragain,”but startsoveragainnonetheless—wheredid theygetthestrength,thehope,theoptimismthattheydidnothaveonthedaytheyaskedmethosequestions?Iwouldliketobelievethattheyreceivedthosethingsfromthe context of a concerned community, peoplewhomade it clear to them that

theycared,andfromtheknowledgethatGodisat thesideof theafflictedandthedowncast.

IfwethinkoflifeasakindofOlympicgames,someoflife’scrisesaresprints.Theyrequiremaximumemotionalconcentrationforashorttime.Thentheyareover,andlifereturnstonormal.Butothercrisesaredistanceevents.Theyaskustomaintainourconcentrationoveramuchlongerperiodoftime,andthatcanbealotharder.

Ihavevisitedpeopleinthehospitalaftertheyhavebeenbadlyburnedorhadtheir backsbroken in accidents.For the first fewdays, they are grateful to bealive and full of confidence. “I’m a fighter; I’ll beat this.” In those first days,friends and family cluster around them, supportive and solicitous about theirwell-being, full of sympathyand concern.Then, asdaysgrow intoweeks andmonths,thepaceoftheextendedcrisistakesitstollonpatientandrelativealike.Thesickpersongrowsimpatientwiththesamenessofthedailyroutineandthelackofdiscernibleprogress.Hebecomesangryathimselffornothealingfaster,or at thedoctors fornothaving themagic toproduce instant results.Thewifewho was so solicitous when her husband’s lung cancer was diagnosed, findsherself becoming testy and impatient. “Sure, I feel sorry for him, but I’m apersonwithneeds too.Foryearsheoverworkedhimself, neglectedhis health,andnowthatithascaughtupwithhim,heexpectsmetogiveupmyownlifeandbecomehisnursemaid.”Ofcourseshelovesherhusband,andofcourseshefeelsterriblethatheissosick.Butshemaybegettingtiredofanordealwithnoend in sight. She may be afraid of being left a widow, concerned about herfinancialfuture,angryathimforgettingsick(especiallyifhehadinfactbeensmokingorneglectinghishealth),wornoutfromsleeplessnightsofworry.Sheisexperiencingfearandfatigue,butitcomesoutasimpatienceandanger.

Similarly, the parents of a retarded child face a long-term situationwith noprospect of a happy ending. The early years of sympathy, resignation, takingdelight in every faltering step and garbled word, may give way to a time offrustrationandangerasthechildfallsfurtherbehindhisage-mates,andforgetseventhosethingstheyhavesopainstakinglytaughthim.Then,inalllikelihood,theparentswillfeelguiltyandblamethemselvesforlosingpatiencewithachildwhoselimitationsarenofaultofhisown.

Wheredosuchparentsgetthestrengththeywillneedtogoondayafterday?

For that matter, how does the man suffering from inoperable cancer, or thewomanwithParkinson’sdisease,findthestrengthandsenseofpurposetogetupandfaceeachnewday,whenthereisnoprospectofahappyending?

IbelievethatGodistheanswerforthesepeopleaswell,butnotinthesameway.Idon’tbelieve thatGodcausesmental retardation inchildren,orchooseswhoshouldsufferfrommusculardystrophy.TheGodIbelieveindoesnotsendustheproblem;Hegivesusthestrengthtocopewiththeproblem.

Wheredoyouget the strength togoon,whenyouhaveusedupallofyourown strength? Where do you turn for patience when you have run out ofpatience,whenyouhavebeenmorepatientformoreyears thananyoneshouldbe asked to be, and the end is nowhere in sight? I believe thatGod gives usstrengthandpatienceandhope,renewingourspiritualresourceswhentheyrundry. How else do sick people manage to find more strength and more goodhumoroverthecourseofprolongedillnessthananyonepersoncouldpossiblyhave,unlessGodwasconstantlyreplenishingtheirsouls?Howelsedowidowsfindthecouragetopickupthepiecesoftheirlivesandgoouttofacetheworldalone, when on the day of their husband’s funeral, they did not have thatcourage? How else do the parents of a retarded or brain-damaged youngsterwakeupeverymorningand turnagain to their responsibilities,unless theyareabletoleanonGodwhentheygrowweak?

Wedon’thavetobegorbribeGodtogiveusstrengthorhopeorpatience.WeneedonlyturntoHim,admitthatwecan’tdothisonourown,andunderstandthatbravelybearingupunder long-term illness isoneof themosthuman,andoneofthemostgodly,thingswecaneverdo.OneofthethingsthatconstantlyreassuresmethatGodisreal,andnotjustanideathatreligiousleadersmadeup,is the fact that peoplewho pray for strength, hope, and courage so often findresources of strength, hope, and courage that they did not have before theyprayed.

Ialsobelievethatsickchildrenshouldpray.Theyshouldprayforthestrengthtobearwhattheyhavetobear.Theyshouldpraythatsicknessanditstreatmentnot hurt them toomuch.They should pray as away of talking out their fearswithouttheembarrassmentofhavingtosaythemoutloud,andasareassurancethat theyarenot alone.God is close to themeven late atnight in thehospitalwhentheirparentshavegonehomeandallthedoctorshaveleft.Godisstillwith

themevenwhentheyaresosickthattheirfriendsnolongercometovisit.Thefearofpainandthefearofabandonmentareperhapsthemosttroublingaspectsofachild’sillness,andprayershouldbeusedtoeasethosefears.Sickchildrencanevenprayforamiracletorestorethemtogoodhealth,aslongastheydonotfeel thatGodis judging themtodecidewhetherornot theydeserveamiracle.They should pray because the alternative would be giving up all hope andmarkingtimeuntiltheendcomes.

“IfGodcan’tmakemysicknessgoaway,whatgoodisHe?WhoneedsHim?”God does notwant you to be sick or crippled.He didn’tmake you have thisproblem,andHedoesn’twantyoutogoonhavingit,butHecan’tmakeitgoaway.ThatissomethingwhichistoohardevenforGod.WhatgoodisHe,then?Godmakes people become doctors and nurses to try tomake you feel better.Godhelpsusbebraveevenwhenwe’resickandfrightened,andHereassuresusthatwedon’thavetofaceourfearsandourpainsalone.

Theconventionalexplanation,thatGodsendsustheburdenbecauseHeknowsthatwearestrongenoughtohandleit,hasitallwrong.Fate,notGod,sendsustheproblem.Whenwetrytodealwithit,wefindoutthatwearenotstrong.Weareweak;wegettired,wegetangry,overwhelmed.Webegintowonderhowwewillevermakeitthroughalltheyears.Butwhenwereachthelimitsofourownstrength and courage, something unexpected happens. We find reinforcementcoming froma sourceoutsideofourselves.And in theknowledge thatwearenotalone,thatGodisonourside,wemanagetogoon.

ItwasinthiswaythatIansweredtheyoungwidowwhochallengedmeaboutthe efficacy of prayer. Her husband had died of cancer, and she toldme thatwhilehewasterminallyill,sheprayedforhisrecovery.Herparents,herin-laws,andherneighborsallprayed.AProtestantneighborinvokedtheprayercircleofherchurch,andaCatholicneighborsoughttheintercessionofSaintJude,patronsaint of hopeless causes. Every variety, language, and idiom of prayer wasmusteredonhis behalf, andnoneof themworked.Hedied right on schedule,leavingherandheryoungchildrenbereftofahusbandandfather.Afterallthat,shesaidtome,howcananyonebeexpectedtotakeprayerseriously?

Is it really true, I asked her, that your prayers were not answered? Yourhusbanddied;therewasnomiraculouscureforhisillness.Butwhatdidhappen?Yourfriendsandrelativesprayed;Jews,Catholics,andProtestantsprayed.Ata

timewhenyoufeltsodesperatelyalone,youfoundoutthatyouwerenotaloneatall.Youfoundouthowmanyotherpeoplewerehurtingforyouandwithyou,and that is no small thing. They were trying to tell you that this was nothappening to you because youwere a bad person. It was just a rotten, unfairthing thatnoonecouldhelp.Theywere trying to tellyou thatyourhusband’slifemeant a lot to them too, and not only to you and your children, and thatwhatever happened to him, youwould not be totally alone.That iswhat theirprayersweresaying,andIsuspectthatitmadeadifference.

Andwhat aboutyourprayers? I asked her.Were they left unanswered?Youfacedasituationthatcouldeasilyhavebrokenyourspirit,asituationthatcouldhave left you abitter,withdrawnwoman, jealousof the intact families aroundyou, incapableof responding to thepromiseofbeingalive.Somehow thatdidnothappen.Somehowyoufoundthestrengthnottoletyourselfbebroken.Youfound the resiliency togoon livingandcaringabout things.LikeJacob in theBible, likeeveryoneofusatone timeoranother,youfacedascarysituation,prayedforhelp,andfoundoutthatyouwerealotstronger,andalotbetterabletohandle it, thanyoueverwouldhave thoughtyouwere. Inyourdesperation,youopenedyourheartinprayer,andwhathappened?Youdidn’tgetamiracletoavertatragedy.Butyoudiscoveredpeoplearoundyou,andGodbesideyou,andstrengthwithinyoutohelpyousurvivethetragedy.Iofferthatasanexampleofaprayerbeinganswered.

Eight

WhatGood,Then,IsReligion?

Inasense,Ihavebeenwritingthisbookforfifteenyears.FromthedayIheardtheword“progeria”andwas toldwhat itmeant, Iknew that IwouldonedayhavetofaceAaron’sdeclininganddying.AndIknewthat,afterhedied,Iwouldfeeltheneedtowriteabook,sharingwithothersthestoryofhowwemanagedtogoonbelievinginGodandintheworldafterwehadbeenhurt.Ididn’tknowwhat Iwould call the book, and Iwasn’t totally surewhat Iwould say.But IknewthatthepageafterthetitlepagewouldcarryadedicationtoAaron.Icouldvisualizethededicationtohim,andunderit,inmymind’seye,Icouldseethequotation from theBible, thewords ofKingDavid after the death of his son:“Absalom,myson!WouldthatIhaddiedinsteadofyou!”

Then one day, a year and a half after Aaron’s death, I realized that I wasvisualizingthatpagedifferentlyinmyimagination.NowinsteadofthepassageinwhichDavidwishesheweredeadandhissonalive,Isawinmymind’seyethewordsofDavidafterthedeathofanearlierchild,thepassagethatIhaveinfactusedinpartonthededicationpageofthisbook:

WhenDavid saw the servantswhispering, he said to them, Is the child dead?Andtheysaid,Heisdead.AndDavidroseandwashedandchangedhisclothingandaskedthatfoodbesetbeforehim,andheate.Theservantssaidtohim,Whatisthisthatyouaredoing?Youfastedandweptforthechildwhenhewasalive,andnow thathe isdead,yougetupandeat!AndDavidsaid:While thechildwasyetalive,Ifastedandwept,forIsaid,WhoknowswhethertheLordwillbegracious tome and the childwill live.But now that he is dead,why should Ifast?CanIbringhimbackagain?Ishallgotohim;buthewillnotreturntome.

(IISamuel12:19–23)

Iknewthenthatthetimehadcomeformetowritemybook.Ihadgonebeyondself-pity to the point of facing and accepting my son’s death. A book tellingpeoplehowmuchIhurtwouldnotdoanyoneanygood.Thishadtobeabookthatwouldaffirmlife.Itwouldhavetosaythatnooneeverpromisedusalife

free frompainanddisappointment.Themostanyonepromiseduswas thatwewouldnotbealoneinourpain,andthatwewouldbeabletodrawuponasourceoutsideourselves for the strengthandcouragewewouldneed to survive life’stragediesandlife’sunfairness.

I am a more sensitive person, a more effective pastor, a more sympatheticcounselorbecauseofAaron’slifeanddeaththanIwouldeverhavebeenwithoutit.And Iwouldgiveupall of thosegains in a second if I couldhavemy sonback.IfIcouldchoose,Iwouldforgoall thespiritualgrowthanddepthwhichhascomemywaybecauseofourexperiences,andbewhatIwasfifteenyearsago,anaveragerabbi,anindifferentcounselor,helpingsomepeopleandunabletohelpothers,andthefatherofabright,happyboy.ButIcannotchoose.

I believe inGod.But I donot believe the same things aboutHim that I didyears ago, when I was growing up or when I was a theological student. IrecognizeHislimitations.HeislimitedinwhatHecandobylawsofnatureandby theevolutionofhumannatureandhumanmoral freedom. Ino longerholdGodresponsibleforillnesses,accidents,andnaturaldisasters,becauseIrealizethat I gain little and I lose somuchwhen IblameGod for those things. I canworshipaGodwhohatessufferingbutcannoteliminateitmoreeasilythanIcanworship a God who chooses to make children suffer and die, for whateverexaltedreason.Someyearsago,whenthe“deathofGod”theologywasafad,Irememberseeingabumpersticker that read“MyGod isnotdead;sorryaboutyours.”Iguessmybumperstickerwouldread“MyGodisnotcruel;sorryaboutyours.”

Goddoesnotcauseourmisfortunes.Somearecausedbybadluck,somearecaused by bad people, and some are simply an inevitable consequence of ourbeinghumanandbeingmortal,livinginaworldofinflexiblenaturallaws.Thepainfulthingsthathappentousarenotpunishmentsforourmisbehavior,noraretheyinanywaypartofsomegranddesignonGod’spart.BecausethetragedyisnotGod’swill,weneednotfeelhurtorbetrayedbyGodwhentragedystrikes.We can turn to Him for help in overcoming it, precisely because we can tellourselvesthatGodisasoutragedbyitasweare.

“Does that mean that my suffering has no meaning?” That is the mostsignificant challenge that can be offered to the point of view I have beenadvocatinginthisbook.Wecouldbearnearlyanypainordisappointmentifwe

thought therewasa reasonbehind it,apurpose to it.Butevena lesserburdenbecomes toomuch for us ifwe feel itmakesno sense.Patients in a veterans’hospital who have been seriously wounded in combat have an easier timeadjustingtotheirinjuriesthandopatientswithexactlythesameinjurysustainedwhilefoolingaroundonabasketballcourtorinaswimmingpool,becausetheycantellthemselvesthattheirsufferingatleastwasinagoodcause.Parentswhocanconvincethemselvesthatthereissomepurposesomewhereservedbytheirchild’shandicapcanacceptitbetterforthesamereason.

Do you remember the biblical story, in chapter 32 ofExodus, aboutMoses,how,whenhecamedownfromMountSinaiandsawtheIsraelitesworshipingthe golden calf, he threw down the tablets of theTenCommandments so thatthey shattered? There is a Jewish legend that tells us that while Moses wasclimbing down the mountain with the two stone tablets on which God hadwrittentheTenCommandments,hehadnotroublecarryingthemalthoughtheywere large,heavyslabsofstoneand thepathwassteep.Afterall, thoughtheywereheavy,theyhadbeeninscribedbyGodandwereprecioustohim.ButwhenMosescameupon thepeopledancingaround thegoldencalf, the legendgoes,thewordsdisappearedfromthestone.Theywere justblankstonesagain.Andnowtheybecametooheavyforhimtoholdonto.

Wecouldbearanyburdenifwethoughttherewasameaningtowhatweweredoing. Have I made it harder for people to accept their illnesses, theirmisfortunes,theirfamilytragediesbytellingthemthattheyarenotsentbyGodaspartofsomemasterplanofHis?

Letmesuggestthatthebadthingsthathappentousinourlivesdonothaveameaning when they happen to us. They do not happen for any good reasonwhich would cause us to accept them willingly. But we can give them ameaning. We can redeem these tragedies from senselessness by imposingmeaning on them. The question we should be asking is not, “Why did thishappentome?WhatdidIdotodeservethis?”That isreallyanunanswerable,pointlessquestion.Abetterquestionwouldbe“Nowthat thishashappened tome,whatamIgoingtodoaboutit?”

MartinGray,asurvivoroftheWarsawGhettoandtheHolocaust,writesofhislife in abookcalledForThose ILoved.He tells how, after theHolocaust, herebuilt his life, became successful, married, and raised a family. Life seemed

good after the horrors of the concentration camp. Then one day, hiswife andchildrenwerekilledwhenaforestfireravagedtheirhomeinthesouthofFrance.Graywasdistraught,pushedalmosttothebreakingpointbythisaddedtragedy.Peopleurgedhimtodemandaninquiryintowhatcausedthefire,butinsteadhechose toputhis resources intoamovement toprotectnature fromfuture fires.Heexplainedthataninquiry,aninvestigation,wouldfocusonlyonthepast,onissues of pain and sorrow and blame. He wanted to focus on the future. Aninquirywould sethimagainstotherpeople—“Wassomeonenegligent?Whosefault was it?”—and being against other people, setting out to find a villain,accusingotherpeopleofbeingresponsibleforyourmisery,onlymakesalonelyperson lonelier. Life, he concluded, has to be lived for something, not justagainstsomething.

Wetooneed togetover thequestions that focuson thepastandon thepain—“Why did this happen to me?”—and ask instead the question which opensdoorstothefuture:“Nowthatthishashappened,whatshallIdoaboutit?”

Let me once again cite Dorothee Soelle, the German theologian whom wequoted in chapter 5, asking whose side we thought God was on in theconcentrationcamps,themurderers’sideorthevictims’side.Soelle,inherbookSuffering,suggeststhat“themostimportantquestionwecanaskaboutsufferingis whom it serves. Does our suffering serve God or the devil, the cause ofbecomingaliveorbeingmorallyparalyzed?”Not“Wheredoesthetragedycomefrom?”but “Wheredoes it lead?” is the issueonwhichSoellewouldhaveusfocus.In thiscontextshespeaksof“thedevil’smartyrs.”Whatdoesshemeanby that phrase?We are familiarwith the idea that various religions honor thememoriesofmartyrsforGod,peoplewhodiedinsuchawayastobearwitnessto theirfaith.Byrememberingtheirfaith in thefaceofdeath,ourownfaith isstrengthened.SuchpeopleareGod’smartyrs.

But the forces of despair anddisbelief have theirmartyrs too, peoplewhosedeathweakensotherpeople’sfaith inGodandinHisworld.If thedeathofanelderlywomaninAuschwitzorofachildinahospitalwardleavesusdoubtingGodandlessabletoaffirmtheworld’sgoodness,thenthatwomanandthatchildbecome “the devil’s martyrs,” witnesses against God, against themeaningfulnessofamoral life, rather thanwitnesses in favor.But (and this isSoelle’s most important point) it is not the circumstances of their death thatmakesthemwitnessesfororagainstGod.Itisourreactiontotheirdeath.

The facts of life and death are neutral.We, by our responses, give sufferingeitherapositiveoranegativemeaning.Illnesses,accidents,humantragedieskillpeople.Buttheydonotnecessarilykilllifeorfaith.Ifthedeathandsufferingofsomeonewelovemakesusbitter,jealous,againstallreligion,andincapableofhappiness,we turn the person who died into one of the “devil’s martyrs.” Ifsufferinganddeathinsomeoneclosetousbringustoexplorethelimitsofourcapacityforstrengthandloveandcheer-fulness,ifitleadsustodiscoversourcesofconsolationweneverknewbefore,thenwemakethepersonintoawitnessfortheaffirmationofliferatherthanitsrejection.

Thismeans,Soellesuggests,thatthereisonethingwecanstilldoforthoseweloved and lost. We could not keep them alive. Perhaps we could not evensignificantlylessentheirpain.Buttheonecrucialthingwecandoforthemaftertheirdeath is to let thembewitnessesforGodandfor life, rather than,byourdespairandlossoffaith,makingthem“thedevil’smartyrs.”Thedeaddependonusfortheirredemptionandtheirimmortality.

Soelle’swordsmakeitclearhowwecanactpositivelyinthefaceoftragedy.ButwhataboutGod’srole?IfGoddoesnotcausethebadthingsthathappentogoodpeople,andifHecannotpreventthem,whatgoodisHeatall?

Firstofall,Godhascreatedaworldinwhichmanymoregoodthingsthanbadthings happen. We find life’s disasters upsetting not only because they arepainful but because they are exceptional.Most peoplewake up onmost daysfeelinggood.Mostillnessesarecurable.Mostairplanestakeoffandlandsafely.Mostofthetime,whenwesendourchildrenouttoplay,theycomehomesafely.The accident, the robbery, the inoperable tumor are life-shattering exceptions,but theyarevery rareexceptions.Whenyouhavebeenhurtby life, itmaybehardtokeepthatinmind.Whenyouarestandingveryclosetoalargeobject,allyoucanseeistheobject.Onlybysteppingbackfromitcanyoualsoseetherestofitssettingaroundit.Whenwearestunnedbysometragedy,wecanonlyseeandfeelthetragedy.Onlywithtimeanddistancecanweseethetragedyinthecontextof awhole life andawholeworld. In the Jewish tradition, the specialprayerknownastheMourners’Kaddishisnotaboutdeath,butaboutlife,anditpraisesGodforhavingcreatedabasicallygoodand livableworld.Byrecitingthat prayer, themourner is reminded of all that is good andworth living for.There is a crucial difference between denying the tragedy, insisting that

everythingisforthebest,andseeingthetragedyinthecontextofawholelife,keepingone’seyeandmindonwhathasenrichedyouandnotonlyonwhatyouhavelost.

HowdoesGodmake a difference in our lives ifHe neither kills nor cures?God inspires people to help other peoplewho have been hurt by life, and byhelpingthem,theyprotectthemfromthedangeroffeelingalone,abandoned,orjudged.Godmakessomepeoplewant tobecomedoctorsandnurses, to spenddaysandnightsofself-sacrificingconcernwithanintensityforwhichnomoneycancompensate,intheefforttosustainlifeandalleviatepain.Godmovespeopletowanttobemedicalresearchers,tofocustheirintelligenceandenergyonthecausesandpossiblecuresforsomeoflife’stragedies.WhenIwasaboy,earlysummerwasthemostpleasantweatheroftheyearinNewYorkCity,butitwasatimeofdreadforyoungfamiliesbecauseofthefearofapolioepidemic.Buthuman beings used their God-given intelligence to eliminate that fear.Throughout humanhistory, there have been plagues and epidemics thatwipedoutwholecities.People felt that theyhad tohavesixoreightchildrenso thatsome at least would survive to adulthood. Human intelligence has come tounderstand more about the natural laws concerning sanitation, germs,immunization, antibiotics, and has succeeded in eliminating many of thosescourges.

God,whoneithercausesnorprevents tragedies,helpsby inspiringpeople tohelp.Asanineteenth-centuryHasidicrabbionceputit,“humanbeingsareGod’slanguage.” God shows His opposition to cancer and birth defects, not byeliminatingthemormakingthemhappenonlytobadpeople(Hecan’tdothat),butbysummoningforthfriendsandneighborstoeasetheburdenandtofilltheemptiness.WeweresustainedinAaron’sillnessbypeoplewhomadeapointofshowing that they cared and understood: themanwhomadeAaron a scaled-downtennisracquetsuitabletohissize,andthewomanwhogavehimasmallhandmadeviolinthatwasafamilyheirloom;thefriendwhogothimabaseballautographedby theRedSox, and the childrenwhooverlookedhis appearanceand physical limitations to play stickball with him in the backyard, and whowouldn’t lethimgetawaywithanythingspecial.People like thatwere“God’slanguage,”Hiswayoftellingourfamilythatwewerenotalone,notcastoff.

In the sameway, I firmly believe thatAaron servedGod’s purposes, not bybeingsickorstrange-looking(therewasnoreasonwhyGodshouldhavewanted

that),butbyfacingupsobravelytohisillnessandtotheproblemscausedbyhisappearance. I know that his friends and schoolmates were affected by hiscourageandbythewayhemanagedtoliveafulllifedespitehislimitations.AndI know that people who knew our family weremoved to handle the difficulttimes of their own lives with more hope and courage when they saw ourexample.I taketheseas instancesofGodmovingpeoplehereonearth tohelpotherpeopleinneed.

Andfinally,tothepersonwhoasks,“WhatgoodisGod?Whoneedsreligion,if these thingshappen togoodpeopleandbadpeoplealike?” Iwouldsay thatGod may not prevent the calamity, but He gives us the strength and theperseverancetoovercomeit.Whereelsedowegetthesequalitieswhichwedidnot have before? The heart attack which slows down a forty-six-year-oldbusinessmandoesnotcomefromGod,butthedeterminationtochangehislife-style,tostopsmoking,tocarelessaboutexpandinghisbusinessandcaremoreaboutspendingtimewithhisfamily,becausehiseyeshavebeenopenedtowhatistrulyimportanttohim—thosethingscomefromGod.Goddoesnotstandforheartattacks;thosearenature’sresponsestothebody’sbeingoverstressed.ButGoddoesstandforself-disciplineandforbeingpartofafamily.

Thefloodthatdevastatesatownisnotan“actofGod,”eveniftheinsurancecompaniesfinditusefultocallitthat.Buttheeffortspeoplemaketosavelives,riskingtheirownlivesforapersonwhomightbea totalstrangertothem,andthe determination to rebuild their community after the flood waters havereceded,doqualifyasactsofGod.

Whenapersonisdyingofcancer,IdonotholdGodresponsibleforthecancerorforthepainhefeels.Theyhaveothercauses.ButIhaveseenGodgivesuchpeoplethestrengthtotakeeachdayasitcomes,tobegratefulforadayfullofsunshineoroneinwhichtheyarerelativelyfreeofpain.

Whenpeoplewhowereneverparticularlystrongbecomestronginthefaceofadversity,whenpeoplewhotendedtothinkonlyofthemselvesbecomeunselfishandheroicinanemergency,Ihavetoaskmyselfwheretheygotthesequalitieswhichtheywouldfreelyadmittheydidnothavebefore.MyansweristhatthisisoneofthewaysinwhichGodhelpsuswhenwesufferbeyondthelimitsofourownstrength.

Life isnot fair.Thewrongpeopleget sickand thewrongpeopleget robbedandthewrongpeoplegetkilledinwarsandinaccidents.Somepeopleseelife’sunfairnessanddecide,“ThereisnoGod;theworldisnothingbutchaos.”Othersseethesameunfairnessandaskthemselves,“WheredoIgetmysenseofwhatisfairandwhatisunfair?WheredoIgetmysenseofoutrageandindignation,myinstinctiveresponseofsympathywhenIreadinthepaperaboutatotalstrangerwhohasbeenhurtbylife?Don’tIgetthesethingsfromGod?Doesn’tHeplantinmealittlebitofHisowndivineoutrageatinjusticeandoppression,justasHedidfortheprophetsoftheBible?Isn’tmyfeelingofcompassionfortheafflictedjusta reflectionof thecompassionHefeelswhenHesees thesufferingofHiscreatures?”Ourrespondingtolife’sunfairnesswithsympathyandwithrighteousindignation,God’scompassionandGod’sangerworkingthroughus,maybethesurestproofofallofGod’sreality.

Religion alone can affirm the afflicted person’s sense of self-worth. Sciencecandescribewhathashappenedtoaperson;onlyreligioncancallitatragedy.Only the voice of religion, when it frees itself from the need to defend andjustifyGodforallthathappens,cansaytotheafflictedperson,“Youareagoodperson,andyoudeservebetter.Letmecomeandsitwithyouso thatyouwillknowthatyouarenotalone.”

Noneofuscanavoidtheproblemofwhybadthingshappentogoodpeople.Soonerorlater,eachofusfindshimselfplayingoneoftherolesinthestoryofJob,whether as victim of tragedy, as amember of the family, or as a friend-comforter. The questions never change; the search for a satisfying answercontinues.

Inourgeneration,thegiftedpoetArchibaldMacLeishhasgivenushisversionoftheJobstoryinamodernsetting.ThefirsthalfofhispoeticdramaJ.B.retellsthe familiar story. J.B., the Job-figure, is a successfulbusinessman surroundedbyanattractive,lovingfamily.Thenonebyone,hischildrendie.Hisbusinessfails,hishealthfails.Finally,hiswholecityandmuchoftheworldaredestroyedinanuclearwar.

Three friends come to “comfort” J.B., just as in the biblical story, and onceagaintheirwordsaremoreself-servingthancomforting.InMacLeish’sversion,thefirstcomforterisaMarxistwhoassuresJ.B.thatnoneofhissufferingishisfault.Hejusthadthebadlucktobeamemberofthewrongeconomicclassat

thewrongtime.Hewasacapitalistat the timeofcapitalism’sdecline.Hadhelivedthesamelife inanothercentury,hewouldnothavebeenpunished.Heisnotsufferingforanyofhisownsins.Hejustgotinthewayofthesteamrollerofhistoricalnecessity.J.B.isnotcomfortedbythisview.Ittakeshisownpersonaltragedytoolightly,byseeinghimonlyasamemberofacertainclass.

Thesecondcomforterisapsychiatrist.J.B.isnotguilty,hetellshim,becausethere is no such thing as guilt. Now that we understand what makes humanbeingstick,weknowthatwedonotchoose.Weonlythinkwechoose.Really,wesimplyrespondtoinstinct.Wedonotact;weareactedupon.Thereforewehavenoresponsibility,andnoguilt.

J.B.answersthatsuchasolution,describinghimasthepassivevictimofblindinstincts, robs him of his humanity. “I’d rather suffer every unspeakablesufferingGodsends,knowingthatitwas...Ithatacted,Ithatchose,thanwashmyhandswithyoursinthatdefilinginnocence.”

Thethirdandlastcomforterisaclergyman.WhenJ.B.askshimforwhatsinheisbeingpunishedsoharshly,hereplies,“Yoursinissimple.Youwerebornaman.Whatisyourfault?Man’sheartisevil.Whatyouhavedone?Man’swillisevil.”J.B.isasinnerworthyofpunishmentnotbecauseofanythingspecifichehas done, but because he is a human being, and human beings are inevitablyimperfectandsinful. J.B.answershim,“Yours is thecruelestcomfortof themall,makingtheCreatoroftheUniversethemiscreatorofmankind,apartytothecrimes He punishes.” J.B. cannot turn for help and comfort to a Godwho isdescribedasmakingmanimperfectandthenpunishinghimforhisimperfection.

Having rejected the explanations of the three comforters, J.B. turns to GodHimself, and as in the Bible, God answers, overwhelming J.B. with Hisawesomeness, quoting lines directly from the biblical speech out of thewhirlwind.

Uptothispoint,MacLeishhasgivenusthebiblicalstoryofJobinamodernsetting.Hisending,however, is radicallydifferent. In theBible, thestoryendswithGodrewardingJobforhavingputupwithsomuchsuffering,andgiveshimnew health, newwealth, and new children. In the play, there are no heavenlyrewards in the closing scene. Instead, J.B. goes back to his wife, and theypreparetogoonlivingtogetherandbuildinganewfamily.Theirlove,notGod’s

generosity,willprovidethenewchildrentoreplacetheoneswhodied.

J.B. forgivesGod and commits himself to going on living.Hiswife says tohim,“Youwanted justice,didn’tyou?There isn’tany. . . . there isonly love.”Thetwonarrators,representingtheperspectivesofGodandSatan,arebaffled.How could a personwho has suffered somuch in lifewantmore life? “Whoplays the hero, God or him? Is God to be forgiven?” “Isn’t He? Job wasinnocent,youmayremember.”MacLeish’sJobanswers theproblemofhumansuffering,notwiththeologyorpsychology,butbychoosingtogoonlivingandcreating new life. He forgives God for not making amore just universe, anddecidestotakeitasitis.Hestopslookingforjustice,forfairnessintheworld,andlooksforloveinstead.

Intheplay’smovinglastlines,Job’swifesays:

Thecandlesinchurchesareout,Thestarshavegoneoutinthesky.BlowonthecoaloftheheartAndwe’llseebyandby....

Theworld is a cold, unfair place in which everything they held precious hasbeendestroyed.Butinsteadofgivinguponthisunfairworldandlife,insteadoflookingoutward,tochurchesortonature,foranswers,theylookinwardtotheirowncapacities for loving. “Blowon thecoalof theheart” forwhat little lightandwarmthwewillbeabletomustertosustainus.

InDimensionsofJob,editedbyNahumN.Glatzer,MacLeishhaswrittenanessayexplainingwhathewastryingtosayintheendingofhisJob-play.“Mandepends onGod for all things; God depends onman for one.WithoutMan’slove,Goddoesnot exist asGod,onlyas creator, and love is theone thingnoone,notevenGodHimself,cancommand.Itisafreegift,oritisnothing.Anditismostitself,mostfree,whenitisofferedinspiteofsuffering,ofinjustice,andof death.” We do not love God because He is perfect. We do not love HimbecauseHeprotectsus fromallharmandkeepsevil thingsfromhappening tous.WedonotloveHimbecauseweareafraidofHim,orbecauseHewillhurtusifweturnourbackonHim.WeloveHimbecauseHeisGod,becauseHeistheauthorofallthebeautyandtheorderaroundus,thesourceofourstrengthandthe hope and couragewithin us, and of other people’s strength and hope and

couragewithwhichwearehelpedinourtimeofneed.WeloveHimbecauseHeisthebestpartofourselvesandofourworld.Thatiswhatitmeanstolove.Loveis not the admiration of perfection, but the acceptance of an imperfect personwithallhisimperfections,becauselovingandacceptinghimmakesusbetterandstronger.

Isthereananswertothequestionofwhybadthingshappentogoodpeople?That depends on what we mean by “answer.” If we mean “Is there anexplanation which will make sense of it all?”—Why is there cancer in theworld?Whydidmyfathergetcancer?Whydid theplanecrash?Whydidmychild die?—then there is probably no satisfying answer.We can offer learnedexplanations,butintheend,whenwehavecoveredallthesquaresonthegameboardandarefeelingveryproudofourcleverness,thepainandtheanguishandthesenseofunfairnesswillstillbethere.

Buttheword“answer”canmean“response”aswellas“explanation,”andinthat sense, theremaywellbe a satisfyinganswer to the tragedies inour lives.TheresponsewouldbeJob’sresponseinMacLeish’sversionofthebiblicalstory—to forgive theworld for not being perfect, to forgiveGod for notmaking abetterworld,toreachouttothepeoplearoundus,andtogoonlivingdespiteitall.

In the final analysis, the question ofwhy bad things happen to good peopletranslates itself into some very different questions, no longer asking whysomethinghappened,butaskinghowwewillrespond,whatweintendtodonowthatithashappened.

Are you capable of forgiving and accepting in love a world which hasdisappointed you by not being perfect, a world in which there is so muchunfairness and cruelty, disease and crime, earthquake and accident? Can youforgive its imperfections and love it because it is capable of containing greatbeautyandgoodness,andbecauseitistheonlyworldwehave?

Areyoucapableofforgivingand loving thepeoplearoundyou,even if theyhavehurtyouandletyoudownbynotbeingperfect?Canyouforgivethemandlove them, because there aren’t any perfect people around, and because thepenalty for not being able to love imperfect people is condemning oneself toloneliness?

AreyoucapableofforgivingandlovingGodevenwhenyouhavefoundoutthatHeisnotperfect,evenwhenHehasletyoudownanddisappointedyoubypermittingbadluckandsicknessandcrueltyinHisworld,andpermittingsomeofthosethingstohappentoyou?CanyoulearntoloveandforgiveHimdespiteHis limitations,as Jobdoes,andasyouonce learned to forgiveand loveyourparentseventhoughtheywerenotaswise,asstrong,orasperfectasyouneededthemtobe?

Andifyoucandothesethings,willyoubeabletorecognizethattheabilitytoforgiveandtheabilitytolovearetheweaponsGodhasgivenustoenableustolivefully,bravely,andmeaningfullyinthisless-than-perfectworld?

IthinkofAaronandallthathislifetaughtme,andIrealizehowmuchIhavelostandhowmuchIhavegained.Yesterdayseemslesspainful,andIamnotafraidoftomorrow.

Acknowledgments

Theprocessoftransforminganideaintoabookisalongandcomplicatedone.Inmyefforts,Iwashelpedby many people. Arthur H. Samuelson of Schocken Books was an immensely supportive editor. Hisenthusiasm,earlyandlate,madeiteasierformetokeeponwritingandrewriting,andhissuggestionsforchangeswereinvariablyhelpful.ThemembersofthetwocongregationsIhaveservedinGreatNeck,NewYork,andNatick,Massachusetts,listenedtomysermons,broughtmetheirproblems,andsharedAaron’slifeanddeathwithmyfamily; theycanrightfullyclaimashare in thisbook’sformulation.Whileall thecase studies in the book are drawn frommy pastoral experience, all are combinations of people I haveknown,andnoresemblancetoanyspecificindividualisintended.Severalclosefriendsreadthemanuscriptinvariousstages,andIamgratefulfortheiradviceandsuggestions.Butmorethananyoneelse,mywife,Suzette,andourdaughter,Ariel,sharedAaron’slifeandlossmoreintimatelythananyoneelsecould.Mymemoriesaretheirmemories,andIpraythatmyconsolationsaretheirsaswell.

HaroldS.KushnerNatick,Massachusetts1981

HAROLDS.KUSHNER

WhenBadThingsHappentoGoodPeople

HaroldS.KushnerisRabbiLaureateofTempleIsraelinNatick,Massachusetts,wherehelives.HisbooksincludeTheLordIsMyShepherd,LivingaLifeThatMatters,andHowGoodDoWeHavetoBe?

ALSOBYHAROLDS.KUSHNER

TheLordIsMyShepherdLivingaLifeThatMatters

HowGoodDoWeHavetoBe?ToLife!

WhoNeedsGodWhenAllYou’veEverWantedIsn’tEnough

WhenChildrenAskAboutGodCommandedtoLive

FIRSTANCHORBOOKSEDITION,SEPTEMBER2004

Copyright©1981byHaroldS.Kushner

AllrightsreservedunderInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions.PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyAnchorBooks,adivisionofRandomHouse,

Inc.,NewYork.OriginallypublishedbySchockenBooks,Inc.,NewYork,in1981.

AnchorBooksandcolophonareregisteredtrademarksofRandomHouse,Inc.Theauthormakesgratefulacknowledgmenttothefollowing:TheFreePress,adivisionofMacmillanPublishingCo.,Inc.,forpermissiontoquotefromTHEFAITHANDDOUBTOFHOLOCAUSTSURVIVORSbyReeveRobert

Brenner,1980,Copyright©1980byReeveRobertBrenner.FortressPressforpermissiontoquotefromSUFFERINGbyDorotheeSoelle.Copyright©1975byFortressPress.HarcourtBraceJovanovich,Inc.,forpermissiontoquote

ANATOMYOFFAITHbyMiltonSteinberg.MediaJudaicaforpermissiontoquotefromLIKRATSHABBATcompiledandtranslatedbyRabbiSidney

GreenbergandeditedbyRabbiJonathanD.Levine,1981,Copyright©1973,1981byPrayerBookPressofMediaJudaicaInc.Simon&Schuster,Inc.,adivisionof

Gulf&WesternCorporation,forpermissiontoquotefromCATCH-22byJosephHeller,1961,Copyright©1955,1961byJosephHeller.HoughtonMifflin

CompanyforpermissiontoquotefromJ.B.,APLAYINVERSE,byArchibaldMacLeish.Copyright©1956,1957,1958byArchibaldMacLeish.

TheLibraryofCongresshascatalogedtheSchockeneditionasfollows:Kushner,HaroldS.

Whenbadthingshappentogoodpeople/HaroldS.Kushner.1.Theodicy.2.Suffering.3.Kushner,HaroldS.4.Pastoralcounseling(Judaism)

I.Title.BM645.P7K.3’11—dc2089-38662

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