When Push Comes to Shove:Contemporary Research, Assessment,and Treatment Innovations for Partner

Abuse

Goals for Today• House of Abuse

• Who They Are

• Typology Issues

• Risk Assessment

• Controversies

• Limbic System

• Treatment

• Women Who Abuse

• Victim’s Experiences

Table of Contents – Part 1I. THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GLOSSARY II. The HOUSE OF ABUSEIII. INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE TYPOLOGIES: Who Are

These Guys? SIMILARITIES

TYPOLOGIES & DIFFERENCES IV. RISK ASSESSMENT

THE CONFLICT TACTICS SCALE-REVISED (CTS-R)THE PSYCHOPATHY CHECKLIST-REVISED (PCL-R)

V. MALE PSYCHOLOGYSHAME-O-PHOBIATHE BROKEN MIRROR

Table of Contents – Part 2

VI. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TREATMENT PROGRAMS: NUTS & BOLTSTHE FIFTEEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE STOP PROGRAMTHE ACCOUNTABILITY ASSUMPTIONTHE PREVENTION PLAN“SPAGHETTI MAN”

VII. RULES OF ENGAGEMENTGUY TALKSTRUCTURE & LIMIT-SETTINGEMOTIONAL HIJACKING BY THE LIMBIC SYSTEM

Table of Contents – Part 2VIII. FEMALE DOMESTIC VIOLENCETREATMENT GROUPS FOR FEMALE DV OFFENDERS IX. CONTROVERSIES IN THE FIELD X. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS AND THE CLASSIC

QUESTION: WHY DO THEY STAY?MALE VICTIMS OF FEMALE DVHELPING VICTIMS MAKE DECISIONSWHAT NOT TO SAY AND WHAT TO SAY TO A VICTIM

XI. COORDINATED COMMUNITY RESPONSEDV COUNCILS, FAMILY JUSTICE CENTERS

The Power of YOU

• Role Model

• Mentor

• Monitor

• Stabilizer

Glossary

DV

IVP

BWS

P&C

IPT

SVC

GVA

BDFO

RBI

Couples who are in an intimate partner

relationship• Living together - or not

• Gay - straight

• Sexually active - or not

• Long term - or first date

• Ex-partners

House of Abuse

Physical Abuse

Verbal, Emotional, Psychological

Intimidation

Sexual Abuse

Isolation

Religious Abuse

Gender Privilege

Child Abuse

The Past Affects the Future

FOR YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR

Who Are These Guys

The Tip of the IcebergPhysical Abuse often uncovers:

– Threats– Mind Games– Intimidation– Self Defense

The Burning Bed

A response to uncommon nasty and relentless violence

One Size Does Not Fit All

Similarities

Male Dominance

• Political and Socio-cultural Subordination

IPT Includes an Embedded Pattern of Control

Shame Sensitivity

• A self-fulfilling prophecy• If you’re sensitive, you are shamed everywhere

Recognize the Distinctions

Generally Violent Aggressor

Family Only

Low Level Anti Social

Borderline/Dysphoric

Implications For Treatment

Group Treatment

Risk Assessments

The Conflict Tactics Scale - Revised

The Fear Factor

Risk Prediction: Don’t Guess

• SARA: Spousal Assault Risk Appraisal Guide (Kropp, 1994; 2000)

• DAS: Dangerousness Assessment Scale (Campbell, 1995)

• PAS: Propensity for Abusiveness Scale (Dutton, 1995)

Psychopathy

Male Psychology

Shame-o-Phobia

The Ice Water Study

Measuring Shame-o-Phobia

• Masculine Gender Role Stress Scale (Eisler, 1987).

• Gender Role Conflict Scale (Good, 1995).

Men Are Supposed to…• Men are supposed to be… strong, fast, a

bread-winner, smart.

• Men are supposed to do... work, fix things, outside work, the hard stuff, protect

• Men are supposed to have… a job, a lot of money, daring, courage, sexual prowess, confidence

• Men are NOT supposed to…be effeminate, cry, complain, be weak, and ever ever act like a girl

The “Code”

Living up to the expectation of other males

The Broken Mirror

Alexithymia• Originally used to explain Vietnam

Vets• Men suffered emotional trauma• Led to a state of being “Without

Words For Feelings

Normative Male Alexithymia• Limited range in terms of being

able to label an affective experience, and then to find the words to be able to communicate that to somebody else.

Distress Tolerance• Mature skill

• Learning how to bear pain skillfully

• Developing some increased empathy for the other person’s experience.

Treatment ProgramNuts and Bolts

• Skill Based

• Understanding psychological roots

• Cognitive Behavioral

Offender Issues• childhood experiences with violence

• triggers that are based on past experience

• identifying alternative ways of handling conflict,

• learning self-management and self-soothing strategies

• implementing time-out methods,

• and anticipating and eliminating sources of frustration and anger

Relevant Themes

• Definitions of Abuse

• Red Flags and Self Talk

• Communication Skills

• Empathy Training

• Alcohols and Drugs

• Relapse Prevention

15 Commandments ofThe Stop Program

Commandments 1-3

• 100% Responsibility

• No Violence

• Anger is Normal

Commandments 4-9• Anger is a secondary emotion

• We can’t control another person

• We can take a time-out

• We can change the future

• Self talk is everything

• Anger can be quiet and cold

Commandments 10-13

• “Deserved” Retaliation isn’t always

wise, productive or moral

• Letting go of Anger is good for you

• Use Gratitudes

• Have a Prevention Plan

Commandments 14 -15

• Needs and Rights of Men and Women

are Fundamentally the Same

• Counselors and Case Managers Can’t

Make People Change

Accountability Assumption

Odysseus

Odysseus Plan

• Get conscious

• Develop a Plan

Prevention Plan

Scare Yourself

• Jail

• Kids

• Partner

Self-Talk

To keep you on track

Fun and DistractionFriend and Ally

• A distraction to diffuse anger

• A friend to center you

The Spaghetti Man

Rules of Engagement

Through Empathy and Respect

Shame

Guilt and Remorse, but NO shame

Respect

• Essential Humanity

Making Better Choices

Labeling

Powerlesness

Shame-Free Group Names

Shame-Friendly Environment

• Interactive

• Engaging

Interactive Engaging Techniques

• Lectures need to be simple and straightforward

• The use of video clips, group exercises, demonstrations and role-plays, and humor

Resistance

Respect Initial Resistance

Reduce Anxiety

• Explain What Will Happen

• Relax Defenses

Relational Heroism

Doing something

for the good of the relationship

Universal Experience

Everyone can benefit

Eliminate Confusion and Anxiety

• Explain the rules

• Explain the Process

Why We “Take it Slow”

• Men are not used to talking about emotions

• They feel it violates male gender codes

• They feel pressured

Acknowledge Pro-Social Behavior

Woman Bashing

• Don’t generalize

• Refer to partners by name

System Bashing

• Unproductive Power Struggle

• Re-focus

Not Normalizing Violence

Hijacking By The Limbic System

• Perceived threat

• Fight of Flight

• Over-reactions

Helping Clients Control Themselves

“Part of our job is to help domestic violence offenders put things in better perspective and to help them to appreciate how easy it is to slip into an excessive response”

Provisional Status

• “Probationary” status in the DV program because of disruptive behaviors

Female Domestic Violence

Motivation - gender• Men and Women are equally

likely to initiate

• 97% of Intimate Partner Violence is done by Men

Self-Defense

5-15 percent of the time

Tendency to Downplay Female Violence

FEMALE FEMALE VIOLENCEVIOLENCE

Similarities Differences• 100% responsibility• people can lie to each

other and betray each other

• partners can show each other respect

• There are attachment conflicts and personality disorders, etc.

• African-American men often deal with issues of disempowerment.

• Gays and lesbians often fear police disrespect or aggression

• And female DV offenders are typically dealing with long histories of victimization—sexual, physical, and emotional—that contribute to the emergence of their own intimate patter violence.

Treatment Groups for Female Offenders

• Push for Process

• Feelings

Special Issues for Females

• Trauma

• Safety Plans

• Behavioral Options

• Parenting

• Self-esteem

• Assertive Communication

Who is Affected

• Offenders

• Victims

• Kids Exposed

Battered Women’s Syndrome

Signs and symptoms, such as fear and a perceived inability to escape, appearing in victims (usually female) who are physically and/or psychologically abused over an extended period by an intimate partner.

Misinterpreted Behavior• Continued involvement in an abusive

relationship

• Use of physical aggression toward an abuser

• Lack of cooperation in the prosecution of an abuser

Why Do Victims Stay?

• a fear of retaliation

• a strong emotional attachment

• shame and embarrassment

• and denial of the severity of abuse

• economic and other tangible resources

• the desire to provide children with a father in the home.

The Honeymoon Phase

• Passion

• Promise

• Violence frequently becomes more severe

Separation Abuse and Retaliation

• Batter feels abandoned, jealous, or possessive

• Aggression Against the Victim

• Against the Victim’s family, friends or coworkers

Calculated Decision to Leave

Practical Issues

• Money

• Child Care

• The end of the Marriage

Co-Dependency

• Based on love and emotional attachment

Love

Traumatic Bonding• Power

• Emotional Connection

• Intermittent Reinforcement

Shame, Guilt, Embarrassment

• Feel at fault

• Don’t want to expose

themselves or the abuser

GAY AND LESBIAN ISSUE

Public Exposure

Recanting Original Reports

• Fears batterer or consequences• Ashamed for self or batterer• Fears re-traumatization• Mistrusts the system• Fears damage to the children

Mistrust of the System

• Because of Prior Experiences

• Because of Cultural Beliefs

Family Pressure

• Be nicer

• Treat him Better

• Have more sex

Cultural Issues

• Traditional Beliefs

• Mistrust of the System

Male Victims of Female DV• Less likely to view an assault by a

woman as a crime

• Less likely to define themselves as victims

• Less likely to report an assault to the police

Stages of Change

• Pre-contemplation–Denial

• Contemplation–Maybe I should…

Stages of Change

• Preparation– Evaluate and Plan

• Action– Do Something to End Abuse

• Maintenance– Maintain Change

Victims Change Their Minds

• People flip back and forth between Stages

• Respect their pace and their perspective

Reaching Victims

Listen to herher notion of herher problems

The Right Time to Leave• Violence reaches a breaking point

• The violence was not going to end

• The violence was going to escalate to a point of lethality;

• Increasing concern that their children were being affected

Links to Safety Plans

• The National Coalition against Domestic Violence www.ncadv.org

• Domestic Violence Organization at www.domesticviolence.org

• National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org

• The Family Justice Center in San Diego www.sandiego.gov/sandiegofamilyjusticecenter

The Safety Plan• safety issues

• financial preparation

• documents to take when leaving

• strategies to use in order to get help and stay safe.

What Goes Into the Decision

• Rational thought

• Careful Consideration

• Weighing pros and cons

Negative Responses From Family and Friends

• Blamed for being a Victim

• Identified only as a victim

• Being told what to do

What NOT To Say To Victims

• Your children need a father.• Are you sure this happened? • What did you do to set him off? • Isn’t this accepted in your culture? • The Bible says. . . • What is wrong with you?• The pain will go away.

The RIGHT Things to Say to Victims

• I’m afraid for your safety.

• I’m afraid for the safety of your children.

• I’m worried that this could get worse.

• I’m here for you.

• You don’t deserve to be

abused.

Controversies in the Field

• Anger Management vs. Domestic Violence

• Group Treatment vs. Couples’ Counseling

Criteria for Consideration of Couples’ Counseling

• Abuser and Victim Issues

2 Messages for Couplesin Conjoint Treatment

100%RESPONSIBILITY

BRING OUT THE BEST QUALITIES

IN THE RELATIONSHIP

Anger Management or Domestic Violence

A matter of Context

Couples’ Treatment Issues

• Safety for the Victim

• The Victim is not to Blame

Advantages of Couples’ Treatment

• When you have both members of a couple in the room, you are more likely to have an impact on the overall system.

• When both partners go through the treatment process together, they both learn and practice the skills that increase the likelihood of relationship harmony.

COUPLES’ TREATMENT CRITERIA

• Both desire it• Violence has "relationship basis"• Abuser has engaged in full disclosure• Abuser has committed to nonviolence• Abuser has capacity for empathy• Abuser has accepting of consequences for

actions

COUPLES’ TREATMENT CRITERIA

• Victim feels safe living w/ partner and in joint treatment

• Victim comfortable being honest in front of partner• No major psych disorder/substance abuse• No significant pattern of Power & Control issues• No severe pattern of psychological abuse• No lethality/bizarre violence (weapons, sadistic

sex)• No stalking or serious obsession with partner

Goals of Couple’s Counseling

1.Educate couples2. Increase personal responsibility 3. Utilize “anger management” skills 4. Increase positive interactions in couple. 5. Help couple recover from any past trauma

Coordinated Community Response

• Law Enforcement

• Shelters

• Advocates

• Health Care Providers

• Employers

• Clergy

DV Councils• Congruent arrest, fines, and treatment

• Offenders recognize that the system communicates

• Development of units specially trained in domestic violence issues

• Mutual consultation and cross-training

Family Justice Centersone stop for victim services

• Police officers

• Prosecutors

• Civil legal service providers

• Community-based advocates.

Building Professional Relationships