when relationships...

When relationshiPs ColliDe

8 4 © 2013 LifeWay

We all face confl ict.

It can be as simple as two people wanting to sit in the same church pew or as complex

as a broken marriage. Conflict is all around us. No one is immune to it. Having conflict

doesn’t mean two people are spiritually immature or that the conflict will end in broken

relationships. As hard as it might be, even in the worst situations, conflict can often be

used for an ultimate good. Much of that begins with a proper understanding of conflict.

Thankfully, the Bible never shies away from difficult issues, including conflict. We aren’t

sheltered from the real messiness of people’s lives. The Bible shares with us the good,

bad, and ugly of real people, even when they are in the midst of disruptive conflict. We

can easily identify with the men and women in Scripture because they often mirror the

conflict in our own lives.

Instead of running from conflict, we will discover some principles for dealing with

conflict in a healthy, God-honoring way. We will look at the sources and solutions of

conflict. If you are in the midst of conflict today, don’t despair. God wants to work His will

in your life today.

Ron Edmondson

Ron Edmondson, the author of the six-week study “When Relationships Collide,” is a pastor,

blogger, and church planter. Ron serves as senior pastor for Immanuel Baptist Church in

Lexington, Kentucky. He is passionate about helping people fully grasp the depth of God’s love

and the power of His grace.

Ron is married to Cheryl, his best friend and the most loving person he knows. Ron and Cheryl have two grown sons

who both love Christ and seek to honor and serve Him. Ron loves to read, write, dream, and run. Sometimes he tries

to do all of those at the same time. Ron blogs at RonEdmondson.com.

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 85© 2013 LifeWay

session 1

even Christians ColliDe

8 6 S E S S I O N 1 © 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

The PointConflict can arise because of different priorities.

The Bible Meets LifeNobody likes conflict. We typically assume conflict means there is a “good guy”

and a “bad guy.” But conflict does not always mean someone is in the wrong.

Couples in strong marriages will disagree from time to time. Godly leaders in a

church can love Christ and each other but still disagree. The question in those

cases becomes not who’s right and who’s wrong but what should be our focus

and priority at that moment?

The PassageLuke 10:38-42

The SettingAs Jesus journeyed toward Jerusalem (Luke 9:51), He stopped at the home of

Mary and Martha. While Jesus taught in their home, Martha focused on the

duties of a hospitable host, but Mary focused on listening to Jesus teach. Both

women were doing good things, but at that moment, only one was necessary: to

listen to Jesus teach.

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 87© 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

Luke 10:38-42 (HCSB)

38 While they were traveling, he entered a village, and a woman

named martha welcomed him into her home.

39 she had a sister named mary, who also sat at the lord’s feet

and was listening to what he said.

40 But martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up

and asked, “lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve

alone? so tell her to give me a hand.”

41 the lord answered her, “martha, martha, you are worried and

upset about many things,

42 but one thing is necessary. mary has made the right choice,

and it will not be taken away from her.”

Key Words

distracted (v. 40) – The Greek word meant pulled or dragged away. It described someone too busy, or overburdened.

worried and upset (v. 41) – The first word was used by Jesus to describe the kind of anxious concern a person might have for food or clothing rather than trusting the Lord to provide (Matt. 6:25-34). The second word literally meant stirred up or troubled.

necessary (v. 42) – That which is a requirement, a requisite, a necessity.

What does the Bible say?


GEt iNto thE StuDYDISCUSS: Ask the introductory question

on page 73 of the Personal Study Guide

(PSG): “What is the silliest argument

you’ve ever been a part of?”

GUIDE: Using a show of hands, invite

group members to choose the best of:

Pie or cake;

Vacation at the beach or the mountains;

Coffee or tea;

Go to bed early or stay up late;

Books or magazines.

SAY: “Sometimes conflict can arise over a choice between two good things.”

GUIDE: Direct the group members to “The Bible Meets Life” on page 74 of the PSG to

identify other trivial arguments.

GUIDE: Explain that for the next six weeks, we are going to discover what the Bible

says about conflict resolution. Refer to the study overview on pages 70-71 of the PSG.

ENHANCEMENT: As you introduce Mary and Martha, highlight the theme of this six-

session study, using Pack Item 5: “When Relationships Collide.”

READ: Call on a group member to read The Point at the top of page 74 in the PSG.

TRANSITION: Mary and Martha are two people in the Bible who struggled with

priorities. We’ll study their story.

PRAY: Invite the Holy Spirit to open hearts and minds to know how Christ would have

us respond in conflicts.

Notes

10 minutes

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 8 9

thE PoiNt Conflict can arise because of different priorities.

© 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay

Notes

Luke 10:38

38 While they were traveling, He entered a village, and a woman named

Martha welcomed Him into her home.

READ: Call on a volunteer to read Luke 10:38-42 on page 75 of the PSG.

DISCUSS: Question #2 on page 76 of the PSG: “Which sister do you most

relate to? Why?”

GUIDE: Direct group members to the “Luke 10:38” section on page 76 of the PSG

to identify what Martha did and what was spiritual about her actions.

TRANSITION: Discovering Jesus’ priorities in each situation is a great way to

prevent or solve conflicts.

StuDY thE BiBLE

tip: The one who talks is the one who learns. Let your group do more talking than you do.

5 minutes


Luke 10:38-40 Commentary

In Luke 9:51 the Gospel writer began a section often called the “Journey to Jerusalem.” Jesus had

experienced the transfiguration (vv. 28-36), and predicted His death for the second time (vv. 43-45).

Then in verse 51, Luke noted, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. From this point on in the Gospel,

everything is focused on Jesus’ determined purpose of traveling to Jerusalem to die on the cross. From

Luke 9:51-19:27 Jesus focused on going to Jerusalem. His priorities were clear—all of His preaching,

teaching, and healing in this section came in the context of His ultimate purpose—dying on a cross.

Luke 10:38-42 occurs not far from Jerusalem. Luke’s inclusion of Jesus’ journey to Jerusalem is arranged

thematically rather than as a list of the travelogue for His journey. Certainly the theme of Luke 10:38-42

centers on the varying priorities of Mary and Martha that caused conflict between the two sisters. Jesus

helped clarify their priorities in order to resolve the conflict. On the way to Jerusalem, Jesus stopped in a

village to visit a woman named Martha. Martha had a sister named Mary and a brother named Lazarus

(John 11:1-45). They lived in Bethany a village on the eastern slope of the Mount of Olives. Bethany was on

the important east-west road coming from Jericho and the last stopping place before travelers entered

Jerusalem. In addition to being the home of Mary and Martha, this city provided the setting for Jesus’

anointing for burial by Mary, presumably in their own home (12:1-8). This would have occurred after the

dispute between Mary and Martha, perhaps indicating they had resolved their differences once they

clarified their priorities. Later still, the city became the site of the ascension of Jesus (Luke 24:50-53).

Martha welcomed Jesus into her home. Hospitality was an important part of a woman’s responsibilities

in the first-century culture. Her responsibilities would have included preparing the room and preparing

the meal for her guests. Martha busily prepared for Jesus’ coming and all the things He would need

while there, while her sister Mary … sat at the Lord’s feet. Martha clearly prioritized her job as a

hostess, and worried tasks would be left undone without Mary’s assistance. This caused conflict in her

mind. Sitting at someone’s feet described a discipleship relationship between a rabbi and his pupil.

Though it was not unusual for people to follow a rabbi as a disciple, it was unusual for a woman to

follow him. In Jesus’ case, He made no such restrictions. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet, soaking in the teaching

He provided. Clearly Mary prioritized the time with Jesus, while Martha prioritized preparations for His

stay in their home. Mary was listening to what He said. Martha was correct that someone had to

attend to the details of Jesus’ stay, but would it have been better for both of them to miss His teaching

or one of them? Couldn’t the details have waited until they finished listening to Jesus’ teaching? Luke

identified the problem with Martha’s priorities in verse 40. Martha was distracted. Martha was being

dragged around by the many details of hospitality, pulled away from greater priorities.

B i B l e S t u d i e S f o r l i f e 91



Notes

Luke 10:39-40

39 She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was

listening to what He said. 40 But Martha was distracted by her many tasks,

and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t You care that my sister has left me

to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.”

GUIDE: Ask someone to summarize Martha’s complaint and identify what was

valid in her concern.

DISCUSS: Question #3 on page 77 of the PSG: “How can our

responsibilities sometimes be a source of conflict?”

DO: Guide group members to complete the activity on page 77 of the PSG.

Step Back: A ministry you’re involved in is growing and doing well. But it’s caus-

ing tension in your personal life because it’s taking time away from home.

Stepping back and considering God’s priorities would affect me by:

___________________________________________________________

Stepping back and considering God’s priorities would affect my home by:

___________________________________________________________

Stepping back and considering God’s priorities would affect the ministry by:

___________________________________________________________

DISCUSS: Question #4 on page 78 of the PSG: “When was a time you

had to choose between studying the Bible and work that needed to

be done?”

TRANSITION: In the next verses we’ll explore how to decide between priorities.

StuDY thE BiBLE15 minutes

92 S E S S I O N 1 © 2013 LifeWay© 2013 LifeWay


The Greek literally says Martha’s “much serving” had distracted her. Perhaps the arrival of such an

important, unexpected guest brought this. Busy work is not the same as prioritized work. Things that

pull us away from our top priority, Jesus Christ, must be identified and corrected. Martha came to Jesus

in front of everyone asking if He didn’t care that she was left to serve alone. Questioning Mary’s priorities

was bad. Questioning Jesus’ heart was the worst result of her mistaken priorities. When our priorities do

not line up with Jesus’ priorities, it might cause us to reproach Him. Her priorities created conflict with

both her sister and her Lord.

If mistaken priorities can create conflict in our relationships with others and with Jesus, then clarifying

His priorities in our lives should be of the utmost importance. Martha’s direct anger was against Mary.

However, Martha shifted her frustration to Jesus, demanding that He tell Mary to help. Not only had

Martha prioritized tasks above her relationship with her sister, but she also prioritized tasks over her

relationship with Jesus. How would He respond to such behavior?

John 11:1-45 also sheds light on the differences in Martha and Mary. In that passage, Jesus returned

to Bethany shortly before His death when the sisters summoned Him because their brother, Lazarus,

was sick (v. 3). Certainly this reveals something about their relationship with Jesus. They believed He

had power to heal sickness. Jesus delayed coming to them. Lazarus died during the delay. When Jesus

arrived, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. When word came that Jesus had arrived, Martha

ran to find Him, while Mary sat in her grief (v. 20). Interestingly, the roles seem a little reversed in this

passage. Mary chose to remain at her task, grieving, while Martha chose to hear from Jesus. Martha

expressed her belief in Jesus, saying she knew He could have healed Lazarus. She expressed that she

believed in Him as “the Messiah, the Son of God” (v. 27). When Martha returned to tell of her encounter

with Jesus, Mary ran to Jesus and said the same thing Martha had. They both believed Jesus could have

healed Lazarus. Jesus wept, causing some to wonder why He had not healed Lazarus. Jesus then called

Lazarus forth from the grave, and His friend came back to life (vv. 43-44), proving that Jesus was “the

resurrection and the life” as He had expressed to Martha (v. 25). This caused the Pharisees and chief

priests to plot the death of Jesus (vv. 45-57).

Though Martha missed the opportunity with Jesus in her home in Luke 10, she was the first to go find

Him when Lazarus died in John 11. This time she helped her sister see that grief was not the priority

when Jesus walked among them. Her faith and belief in Christ found satisfaction in a great miracle, the

raising of Lazarus which further hastened Jesus’ journey to the cross.




Notes

Luke 10:41-42

41 The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about

many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice,

and it will not be taken away from her.”

GUIDE: Ask a group member to state Jesus’ response in his or her own words.

SUMMARIZE: Every day we make choices based on what takes precedence

at that moment. In the work of making decisions, it isn’t always about right and

wrong as much as it is about good and better.

DISCUSS: Question #5 on page 79 of the PSG: “What must you consider

when you are deciding between good, better, and best?”

SAY: “Jesus didn’t ignore Martha’s concern. Jesus loved Martha and Mary. Instead

of overlooking Martha’s concern, Jesus narrowed in on it.”

TRANSITION: Our lives will have conflict. When each conflict surfaces, we give

our priorities and our conflicts to Him, inviting Him to be Lord of that situation.

We’ll find three ways to do that in the next section.

StuDY thE BiBLE10 minutes



Jesus responded to Martha’s reproach by calling her name twice, “Martha, Martha.” This could

have been an expression of sympathy, recognizing she did good work even though her priorities were

skewed. Perhaps the words were tender, intended to soften the rebuke that followed. Maybe they were

words of disappointment, as in Luke 22:31, when Jesus prefaced the prediction of Peter’s denial.” Jesus

took time to correct Martha’s mistaken priorities. He diffused the conflict between the two sisters.

Martha was worried and upset about many things. Her lack of focus on the most important thing

caused her to be stirred up by the many things she had to do in preparation for Jesus’ stay. When one

gets so busy doing good things that the best thing does not get done, one is headed for inner turmoil.

Jesus cut to the heart of the matter. Only one thing was necessary in light of the moment. Discerning

the moment is an important part of making priorities in life.

Jesus pointed out that Mary has made the right choice. Martha’s lack of attention to God’s mission in

Christ and to the timing of His coming during the Journey to Jerusalem caused her to miss a significant

opportunity to hear Jesus. Because Mary had made the right choice, Jesus replied “it will not be taken

away from her.” What would not be taken away from Mary? Some have interpreted the passage to

mean Mary would not be forced to stop listening to Jesus because she had made the right choice. Others

believe that it indicates her heavenly reward for choosing the better option would not be taken away.

Still others think it means Mary would be remembered for this choice. However, in the context of the

passage, it seems more likely that Jesus reminded Martha the opportunity to sit at His feet and learn

from Him would not pass by again. Jesus was on a journey to Jerusalem, heading there to die. She should

have taken the opportunity to spend time learning from Him rather than serving His immediate needs.

Certainly as Christians we are required to serve Jesus, but not at the expense of our relationship with Him.

Mary and Martha appear again in John 12:1-8. This time Jesus returned to Bethany prior to entering

Jerusalem. He attended dinner at their house, and the two sisters assumed similar roles. Martha served

the meal. This passage may seem the same, but the first verse dispels that notion. The anointing took

place “six days before the Passover” (John 12:1). The events of Luke 10 occurred during Jesus’ journey

to Jerusalem. One detail that this passage might add to Luke 10:38-42 is that in this case Martha is not

criticized for her service. Her service was good, but in Luke 10 her priorities were not. In this case, neither

Mary nor Martha was reclining at the table listening to Jesus. That is what Lazarus was doing (John 12:2).

Jesus commended Mary for recognizing His worth and worshiping Him. She had her priorities in order,

but apparently so did Martha as she served. Jesus offered no rebuke for her actions.




Notes

LiVE it outGUIDE: Direct group members to the “Live It Out” section on page 80 of the PSG.

Share how God has challenged you to carry out one of the directives listed in the

section and how you plan to carry it out. Invite group members to do the same.

> Identify what’s important. Evaluate a conflict, looking for what each party

considers important.

> Reorder your priorities. Your stance in a conflict may be good and valid,

but it may need to take a temporary backseat to a greater priority.

> Take a half-day retreat. Do nothing but “sit at the feet of Jesus” in prayer

and Bible reading. You will gain a fresh perspective on your other priorities.

Wrap It Up

SAY: “The next time an argument arises, step back to see the bigger perspective.

Choose according to Jesus’ priorities.”

5 minutes


My group's prayer requests

Additional suggestions for specific groups (women, men, parents, boomers, and singles)

are available at BibleStudiesforLife.com/blog.

Fair Game

I’ve never been the kind of wife to create gourmet meals. I can successfully follow a recipe, but I wouldn’t call myself a great cook. Very early in my marriage, I could make about four dishes. Terrell and I ate a lot of chicken and green beans. I also could bake a cake, so there was that.

Somehow I perfected homemade potato soup, which quickly became my husband’s favorite meal … until the potato soup fight.

to continue reading “fair Game” from HomeLife magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles.

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