Dec

012011

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collegegirl08 Molly Buchanancan’t decide where to go abroad, France or Morocco? #firstworldproblems

treregdfg Curtis Durandhad to have diet pepsi with my dinner because they didn’t have diet coke wahhhhhhhhh #firstworldproblems

whittie4lyfe Hugo Heikesit started to rain while i was wearing my toms, gross! #first(andthird)worldproblems

iloveshopping Anita Radicsgot a hole in my lulus, what will i wear?#firstworldproblems

ttebow Timothy Tebowwaffle machine wasn’t working at brunch, i had to eat pancakes...booooo #firstworldproblems

sportygirl3 Marcia Howardmy house is so far away! it’s like a 10 minute walk to class #firstworldproblems

carsmoneyhoes Trent JohnsonI’m only making minimum wage #firstworldproblems

ironwoman99 Harriet McBridepool’s closed, i guess i have to work out in the gym. ugh #firstworldproblems

lonelyboy Dirk Philipscan’t decide where to take my girlfriend for our anniversary, saffron or olive? #firstworldproblems

goofsjr Henry Goofs, Jr.went to the midnight showing of breaking dawn, too tired to work #firstworldproblems

pthompson45 Patrick Thompsoniphone broke, have to use my mom’s old blackberry :( #firstworldproblems

Lordvoldemort7 Conrad LeBoeufdon’t have my soccer cleats, guess i have to wear regular tennis shoes for our im game today #firstworldproblems

chadbroskii Chadwick Brostoevskymy sister just offered me a bowl.................................of cereal :( #firstworldproblems

jesslovesbeiber Jessica Loves-Bieberbradley cooper as the sexiest man alive!?!?!?! fuck that!! BIEBER FOREVER #firstworldproblems

hottiewithabody Michelle Barrettmy mom overcooked our tofurkey this year. #firstworldproblems

tvmanic Victor Sarnoffglee sucks this season #firstworldproblems

When I’m walking around campus, I’ve got prospies com-ing up to me, saying, “You have so many different kinds of inequality on campus. How can I tell which are socially ac-ceptable and which are not?” Well, I am always here to help prospies (and to awkwardly stare at those touring groups on my way to class, whispering, come to Whitman . . . ), so here is Whitman’s own Inequality Map:

1. Inequality of outdoorsy-ness is acceptable. It is to-tally fine to brag shamelessly about your various and sun-dry kayaking, rock climbing and backpacking excursions to pasty couch potatoes.

2. Major inequality is not socially acceptable. It is not okay for a BBMB major to literally OR metaphorically spit in the face of a humanities major or vice versa. We like to think we all work pretty hard here. Let’s not look too hard at this. Egos are at stake here.

3. Hometown inequality is socially acceptable. Regard-less of where you are from, it is highly recommended that you talk about it as much as possible to prove to other stu-dents how uniquely awesome your hometown is because, eventually, they will surely come to agree with you.

4. Political activism inequality is questionable. On one hand, it is socially acceptable to wave signs and pass peti-tions in protest, but if you take it too far, you will likely be protested.

5. Eating location inequality is socially acceptable. Feel free to flaunt your easy Prentiss access to Jewetters, Lymen and women, and Northies, knowing full well that they resent you for it.

6. Eating habit inequality is not socially acceptable. It is not okay to look down on others simply because they eat meat and you haven’t ingested anything cut from, produced with or secreted by animals in eight months.

We walk a fine line of politeness here at Whitman. Know your inequality map.

Noises from the Community What did you do over Thanksgiving Break that is far superior to anything your peers who went home got to do?

WANGHAOFirst-year

GERFRIED WETZEL-HOPPESONFirst-year

ERIK VALDEZSophomore

MARY HANSFORDSenior

“My RD bought us some dank pizza one night. Ate, like, eight slices. That was pretty intimate and cozy.”

“I became accustomed to actually being able to study all day until last Saturday night, when the decibel volumes slowly began rising to their usual levels.”

“All my housemates were gone, finally got to walk around naked again”

“Got to kick it with George Bridges. Yeah, you jelly.”

THE ISSUE OF INEQUALITYThe Whitman

Inequality Map

1) 3 > 5.

2) 4 B’s > 1 A. 3) 8 hrs of sleep > 8 hrs of Harry Potter books on tape.

4) 3-hr Chem Lab > 30 min. of “Days of Our Lives.”

5) 1 real friend > 100 Facebook friends that you don’t know.

6) 1 Prentiss meal > 100 jEWWett meals.

7) 4 min. with a kitten that is wearing socks > 4 hrs with a cute guy.

8) Men’s sports > Women’s sports.

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

TRUE or FALSE

The Whitman Inequality QuizILLUSTRATION BY VA ZQUEZ

Comic by emily“Backpage” Johnson

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