whitmore/stevenson: strategies for engineering communication 1 of 34 revising sentences for...
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Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 1 of 34
Revising Sentences for Connection
Repetitive Structures Parallel Sentence Structure Vague “This” Transitional Tags
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 2 of 34
Unnecessary Repetition
This critique is structured around the models identified in the MSAT Project Management course notes presented by Mr. G. Robinson of E.M. Sciences Ltd. A specific model identifying the organizational boundary and defining the internal and external components forms the basis of this critique. The focus of this critique is limited to the internal organizational components which includes the following subjects: Mission, Structure, Leadership, Rewards, Systems & Processes, and Relationships. The external components of the model -- e.g., threats, opportunities, and demands -- are beyond the scope of this critique. This critique focuses inside the organizational boundary.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 3 of 34
Unnecessary Repetition
This critique is based on a model identifying organizational boundaries and defining the internal and external components of the organization.1 The external components of the model (e.g., threats, opportunities, and demands) are beyond the scope of this critique which focuses solely on the following internal components: Mission, Structure, Leadership, Rewards, Systems & Processes, and Relationships.
1G. Robinson. 1995. MSAT Project Management Course Notes. E.M. Sciences Ltd.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 4 of 34
Unnecessary Repetition
The length of the transistor that can function as a long
channel device is strongly related to its junction depth. The
junction depth, of the boron source/drain implant, can be
reduced by lowering the implant energy. However,
lowering the implant energy increases the channeling
probability for boron ions. The channeling probability for
boron ions . . . .
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 5 of 34
Unnecessary Repetition
The length of the transistor that can function as a long
channel device is strongly related to its junction depth.
Lowering the implant energy (and thereby increasing the
channeling probability for boron ions) reduces the junction
depth of the boron source/drain implant. The channeling
probability for boron ions . . .
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 6 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
In order to improve our facilities, we must do the following:
• repair our existing PCs
• purchase 11 more hard drives
• security is insufficient
• expand our operating hours
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 7 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
In order to improve our facilities, we must do the following:
• repair our existing PCs
• purchase 11 more hard drives
• increase system security
• expand our operating hours
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 8 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
Examples of coordinators in parallel structure
and as well as
or rather than
but neither . . . nor
yet either . . . or
so not only . . . but also
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 9 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
The system survey report will describe, in general, the
current system activities, the problems that the current
system is experiencing, and to present options and make
recommendations to you and other decision making
authorities.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 10 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
The system survey report will describe, in general, the
current system activities and the problems that the current
system is experiencing. It will also present options and
make recommendations to you and other decision making
authorities.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 11 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
This discussion prompted me to contact PTE for further
information and the support package that PTE can offer for
PC/FOCUS.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 12 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
This discussion prompted me to contact PTE for further
information and for the PC/FOCUS support package.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 13 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
The purpose of this paper is to critique our current projectmanagement structure. This critique will discuss thefollowing topics:
1. My vision of the company as an optimal organization.2. Strengths and weaknesses of current practices.3. The effects of the current structure on the projects, the
employees, and the organization as a whole. 4. Finally, I will recommend ways to improve our structure
and bring us closer to our mission.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 14 of 34
Parallel Sentence Structure
The purpose of this paper is to critique our current projectmanagement structure. This critique will discuss thefollowing topics:
1. My vision of the company as an optimal organization.2. Strengths and weaknesses of current practices.3. The effects of the current structure on the projects, the
employees, and the organization as a whole.
Finally, I recommend ways to improve our structure andbring us closer to our mission.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 15 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
The use of lower wind speeds in the dispersion model
tends to predict higher ambient concentrations. This is an
additional reason to use Northland meteorological data in
the dispersion model.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 16 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
The use of lower wind speeds in the dispersion model
tends to predict higher ambient concentrations. This
conservative approach is an additional reason to use
Northland meteorological data in the dispersion model.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 17 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
RNB is a large, well managed technology company with
dedicated people possessing generous amounts of skill
and experience. This has been externally validated by our
ISO 9000 certifications and SEI level 2 rating.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 18 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
RNB is a large, well managed technology company with
dedicated people possessing generous amounts of skill
and experience. These attributes been externally validated
by our ISO 9000 certifications and SEI level 2 rating.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 19 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
The next recommendation is to clarify the rewards
structure. This is required to maintain motivation on
projects where many extra hours are required and no
overtime policy exists. This can be critical for commitment
from employees.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 20 of 34
Vague “This” Subjects
The next recommendation is to clarify the rewards structure
in order to maintain motivation on projects where many
extra hours are required and no overtime policy exists.
Providing rewards can be critical for commitment from
employees.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 21 of 34
Using Transitions
Isaac Newton wrote Principia to explain his theories of
motion and gravitation. However, tomatoes grow best in full
sunlight. So doctors are required to take the Hippocratic
oath. Consequently, we must learn to more clearly explain
what we mean.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 22 of 34
Using Transitions
Isaac Newton wrote Principia to explain his theories of motion and gravitation.
Tomatoes grow best in full sunlight. Doctors are required to take the Hippocratic oath. We must learn to more clearly explain what we mean.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 23 of 34
Using Transitions
Transitions Uses
and, or, nor, furthermore, indeed, also, moreover, in fact, first, second, in addition
To add to a previous point.
for instance, for example, for one thing, similarly, likewise
To illustrate or expand on a point.
therefore, thus, so, and so, hence, consequently, on the whole, all in all, in other words, in short, in conclusion
To summarize or emphasize a point.
frequently, occasionally, in general, specifically, in particular, usually
To qualify or illustrate a point.
but, however, yet, on the contrary, not at all, surely, no
To shift to a different point of view or signal a contradiction.
although, though, whereas To make a concession.
because, as, since, for To connect an explanation to a statement.
if, provided, in case, unless, lest, when To qualify and restrict a more general idea.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 24 of 34
Transitions
Partial list of prepositions
SPATIAL
about, above, against, around, at, behind, below, beneath, beside, between, beyond, by, down, from, in, inside, into, on, off, out, outside, over, through, to, toward, up, upon, with
TEMPORAL
as, after, before, during, since, till, until
COMPOUND
according to, along with, due to, except for, in addition, in front of, in order to, in spite of, on account of, instead of, with regard to
OTHER
except, for, like, of
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 25 of 34
Transitions
Partial list of conjunctions
COORDINATING
and, but, for, nor , or, so, yet
CORRELATIVE
both/and, either/or, neither/nor,
not only/but also
RELATIVE
that, which
SUBORDINATING
after, albeit, although, as, as a result of, as far as, as if, as soon as, as well as, because, before, even though, if . . . (then), inasmuch as, insofar as, once, only, since, so as, so far as, though, unless, when, whenever, where, whereas, whereby, whereof
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 26 of 34
Transitions
Partial list of adverbials
also, consequently, finally, firstly, further, furthermore, hence, hereafter, however, indeed, initially, likewise, moreover, nevertheless, previously, secondly, subsequently, thereafter, thereby, therefore, therein, thus, while
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 27 of 34
Using Transitions
As the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
Could mean either of the following:
Because the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
When the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 28 of 34
Using Transitions
Since the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
Could mean either of the following:
Because the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
After the electrode was connected, a short circuit occurred on the board.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 29 of 34
Using Transitions
Injuries of this type have become a severe problem for the
pharmacy. There is no equipment available on the market
for the IV admixture.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 30 of 34
Using Transitions
Injuries of this type have become a severe problem for the
pharmacy because no equipment is available on the market
for the IV admixture.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 31 of 34
Using Transitions
There are real risks to whistle blowing. Sometimes we
must blow the whistle.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 32 of 34
Using Transitions
Even though whistle blowing has real risks, sometimes we
must blow the whistle.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 33 of 34
Using Transitions
There is not much peer-to-peer interaction. This has resulted in strong relationships between the R&D manager and the individuals on the team and weak relationships among members of the group. People in R&D are not used to interacting as peers. The focus has been on domain expertise, which has resulted in pockets of expertise that lead to bottlenecks because expertise is not shared. Individuals start to feel ownership for individual components of the system. This creates technical dedication, but creates situations where individuals are taken as the authority that discouraged the technical exchange of information among the group. Because of the technical focus in R&D, it is easy to ignore the concerns and needs of the customer. On many occasions, with customer-focused projects, there has been direct contact between R&D and the customer. In order to maintain a customer focus, it is important for R&D teams to maintain a good relationship with the customer.
Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication 34 of 34
Using Transitions
A lack of peer interaction has led to strong relationships between the R&D manager and individuals on the team but weak relationships among team members. Although the focus on domain expertise encourages people to feel ownership for components of the system, it also creates situations where individuals are viewed as authorities. Consequently, technical dedication is encouraged while exchange of technical information is discouraged. In other words, we have pockets of expertise and bottlenecks in the flow of information because expertise is not shared. Technical focus in R&D can also lead to problems in relationships with customers, whose concerns and needs are often ignored. Note, however, that on many occasions our customer-focused projects have provided direct contact between R&D and customers. If we pay more attention to customer relations, we shift the focus in R&D from domain expertise to customers and thus encourage much needed peer interaction.