whole of i'd rather be dead

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    Prolouge

    The darkness filled everything. It was overwhelming. Nothing was there. Nothing had

    ever been there. It was just empty. Bit by bit, it was slowly eating my body away. Itsucked, it pulled...

    Then I woke up. I felt as if I'd been spun round continuously, and the person spinning me

    hadn't known when to stop. I opened my eyes and looked up to a ceiling I didn't

    recognise. I looked around it. Where was I? The room was white. My head hurt. I tried tosit up, to see where I was, but couldn't. I was too weak.

    I half closed my eyes. I still felt the horrible emptyness that had consumed me whilst Iwas asleep. The pain in my head was getting worse, it had only been a slow pounding

    before.All I could think of was the pain so I closed my eyes and drifted of somewhere.

    I was in some sort of metal bed. It squahed me. I felt scared. Who was I? Where was I? A

    man came in. I screamed. He was holding a needle.

    "Keep quiet girly." He injected me with the needle. Pain ran through me, forcing me into

    a dreamless sleep.'

    I opened my eyes at the sound of a door opening. A woman came in and leaned over me.I looked at her and she screamed.

    She had light blonde hair and was wearing a blue dress. Her name tag said 'Janey'. Shewas a nurse. I realised I was in a hospital. I wondered why.

    "Oh," she said, obviously suprised,"you're awake!"

    "Yeah..." The word felt weird around my toung, like I hadn't talked for ages.

    "Good. I can get Doctor Simmons to come see you then." The nurse walked out of theroom, fiddling with her name tag all the way.

    I thought about my dream. It had felt real. It had buzzed through me, like a memory.That's what I was sure it was.

    I tried to connect it to other memories, but didn't get any. 'I'm just dazed,'I thought,brushing it off. I was wearing a white hospital gown and fiddled with the thin material for

    a short while.

    Doctor Simmons came in about 15 minutes later. He was a tall man with dull brown hair

    and round spectacles. He looked like someone who would normally be harsh, hiseyebrows were close together, nearly a monobrow. As if he was angry. They tried to

    straighten.

    He was trying not to be harsh. Why?

    "Hello." He said, looking at me with pity. His voice was covered in it aswell. It was

    almost fake. I was in a hospital for some reason though.

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    "Hi."

    "Right, I'll just check you over."As he did I realised I had scratches all over my body andthat I didn't remember getting them.

    "Excuse me, but what happend?" He looked shocked. Again, it was almost fake, like he

    was one of those really rubbish actors. I wasn't suspitious at all.

    "You don't remember?" I shook my head.

    "Do you remember your name?" I didn't. It was like I'd never had one. That was

    worrying. I couldn't remember my own name.

    Doctor Simmons, looking even more (fake) pitying, told me what I didn't remember.

    He told me my name was Aaliyah Corinne Stevenson and my parents had died in acarcrash on a bridge. He also told me I had nearly died myself.

    I was silent. Doctor Simmons left, telling me I was shocked and a nurse would see melater. I was shocked.

    I sat there for a while, looking straight ahead, not moving, before starting to cry. That

    first night I cried myself to sleep, unable to do anything else.

    The worst thing about it was I belived him. He sounded so fake, but I lived on what I had

    been told, because it was the only thing I could cling on to.

    Chapter One

    One Year Later

    I was sitting against a wall, crying yet again. My arms hurt all over and blood was on the

    floor. My nose was runny, but I wiped it with my hand. I hadn't been hurt- I'd hurt

    myself. I'd been doing it for half a year now, ever since my Grandma adopted me. She'djust appeared at the carehome one day stating she was family, signed the forms and taken

    me the same day.

    She had blonde hair, obviously died, because she was about eighty. She wore the average

    clothes for her age, flowy tops and trouses, but somehow they made her look not normal.

    It was like she was always working.

    I didn't even know her. She was hardly ever here. Always on work buisness. She didn't

    even tell me what job she did, like she thinks I can remember. Grandma expected me tolook after myself. I did the exact opposite. What did she know?

    I stood up, feeling wobbly, and went to get a shower. By the time I'd finished, blood was

    everywhere, so I had to get the bathroom polish to rub it away. I did downstairs too,trying so hard to get it out of the carpet my hand hurt. Luckily the carpet was red,

    contrastiong with the white walls, and you couldn't even tell.

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    Then I went to sit in my room and think, like I did most of the time. I'd try to think what

    my parents were like, and only my Grandma's descriptions would come to my head.

    She'd loved them both. She was my fathers Mum .But I never got what I'd thought aboutthem. Did I ever look up into their eyes and love them both so deeply I knew they'd do

    the world for me? Or is that exaggerating? I'd never know.

    My room had purple walls and a white ceiling. My brown wardrobes were lined up in a

    row against my wall though most of the space in them wasn't taken up. Grandma had

    bought me a million outfits, but the wardrobes were giant. The room itself was giant.Double the size of a normal one.

    Everything was giant with Grandma though. I used to wonder where she worked, because

    she earnt a load of money.

    I'd have to cover my arms tommorow. Grandma was sending me of to a boarding school

    in London. I hadn't been to school since the accident. I thought about how awkward itwould be. Would they like me? Would I make friends? Who knows? Or would it all go

    terribly wrong and they'd all hate me?

    I tried to calm myself down. Nothing would go wrong. I'd have friends. I was excited. I

    wasn't very convincing.

    The school was simply called Berry Boarding Academy. I didn't know where it was inLondon but it was supposed to be one of those really old 19th century houses that looked

    really posh. Grandma was really posh. I could see why she was sending me there. I had

    the brochure stuffed in my back pocket. I took it out.

    The booklet was blue. The front cover showed a picture of an old castle. It looked alright.

    I started skimming through it, reading only a few lines.

    "Berry has a highly good grade total and is perfect for children you want to excell."

    Grandma definately did.

    "It is a school for both girls and boys, and we have a wide range of students, so your child

    will never be left out."

    Yep. I could see why Grandma had picked it.

    "Around the school we have a small town, a garden and even a bicycle shed for he or she

    to explore."

    I'd read enough. Seemed exactly the right place for Grandma to send me. I hadn't'explored' or even left this house since I'd come here. I stuffed the flyer back into my back

    pocket and sighed. Some people would call losing your memory a fresh start. I guess it

    was, in some ways. New school and all. But sometimes I wished I had my old life back. Iwondered what I was like then? For all I knew I could have been an idiot who pushed

    everyone around. I thought about that for a while, then concluded I'd ask Grandma when

    I saw her.

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    Which was ages away. She wasn't even going to dropping me of at boarding school. I had

    to get a train there, then catch a bus. By myself. Thanks a lot Grandma.

    Though I was exited. I hadn't been on a train since the accident. And I couldn't remember

    it. Very exciting. Sort of.

    Plus I was slightly excited about the boaring school. I'd have friends. Which I alsocouldn't ever remember having. I wondered what having friends was like?

    I was hungry. I tried to remember the last time I'd ate. Yesterday tea time. Ages ago. I'd

    skipped breakfast.

    I looked at my watch. 12:30. Dinner. I walked to the kichen and got out the bread, hamand cheese.I put it into a sandwitch and cut it up. Then I ate it. Another thing I didn't

    enjoy, food. I just found it a chore to eat.If I actually had something good to eat. We only

    got new food(sandwitches...)When Grandma was here, as I wasn't allowed out. Grandmathought I'd get hurt or something. As if as soon as someone saw me they'd kill me.

    Though I did agree with her on somepoints. What if someone I used to know saw me?

    What if's filled my life.I hated them. It's like I couldnt think of one thing without a whatif in it. I hated my life.Grandma didnt even have a TV.

    They had one at the care home. It was great. Sky+HD. I'd asked for one but Grandma

    said no, and then went into a lecture about how when she was a kid, no one had a TV andthey just played.Newsflash Grandma. I'm was a teenager who has no one to play with.

    I needed a TV.

    That was when I heared the post box and ran downstairs. There were about five letters, all

    laying on the wooden floor. I flicked through them. Gas bills (which Grandma did pay

    when she was home), phone bills (ditto), but the last one in the pile was different.It wassimply adressed.

    'Aaliyah'.

    I'd never had a letter before. No one knew me.

    I tore it open, wondering who it could be from. I mean, it didn't even have an adress. I

    came up with four options. My old school, Grandma, the hospital, my old care home or

    Berry School. But it didn't say. It just said:

    YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE

    And who did I think I was? I didn't know. But 'You are not what you don't know about'didn't seem to make sense. Who had sent me this? Who would know my adress?I felt that

    this somehow linked into my 'memory'. But it couldnt. It wasn't a memory.

    It was a dream. A stupid one at that. Like one of those novels I'd read in Grandma's

    library. I'd read all of them. Some I'd read twice. My favourites were about spies and

    assasins. They were cool.

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    This was different. This was real life. Not fiction. Not a dream. It was a letter without an

    adress, sent to me.

    I needed answers. So I did the one thing I was forbidden to.

    I opened the door. But there was nothing there exept for the familiar scenes I saw out of

    my room each day. I shut the door, feeling frustrated and looked at the letter I was stillholding. The only writing other then the message was my name.

    I ran upstairs, thinking frantically. Grandma's job had once been to find smallprint. At

    least, that's what she'd once told me. I searched through her drawers, trying to find what I

    was looking for. When I opened the last draw I found it. A magnifying glass.

    It was mediam size, with a white handle. The exact thing I needed.

    I lay the envolope on a nearby table and waved the magnifying glass over it. Nothing. Itried the back. Nothing there either.I got out the letter and did the same. Nothing. On both

    sides there were nothing.

    So buried my head in the table and cried. And cried. And kept on crying until I had no

    tears left.

    Then I got up. And went to do try again. I opened the door and stepped out on to the path.It was hard. I tried not to fall over, walking to the grass, where my knees wobbled.

    Woah, this grass was soft. I sunk down, my hands feeling the grassy ground. It wasbeautiful. Soft. Grassy. I stood up. One thing I could remember was feeling grass. Was I

    going crazy or what? Or what, I hoped. I turned around and looked at Grandma's house. It

    was my second time, though I still found it as stunning as when I first lookeed at it.

    It was giant. More like a mansion then a house. It was made of white bricks, and was tallwith lots of windows. I could spot the one I looked out of daily. It felt weird looking inand not out

    I snook round to the side gate. It was closed, but I found it easy to climb over. I was

    looking for a clue.I went into the back garden.As Grandma was never there, the grasshadn't been cut for ages. It was high. I waded through it, until I got to the back gate, my

    jaw dropped.

    It had a giant hole in it.

    Chapter Two

    I was there. It was a giant castle, bigger then the house I'd lived in for the past fewmonths.Berry was bigger then anything I'd ever seen. As my bus came to a stop, I jumped

    off it. No going back now, I thought as the bus drove away. I gulped, looking at my

    surroundings. The school was constucted of old grey bricks.I could see through some ofthe windows to posh interior, the others were blocked by fancy red curtains. The schools

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    surrounding land included a mix of cobbles and beautiful flowers. There were direct

    paths to the door, which was a dark shade of brown wood. A water fountain, that wasn't

    currently running, was situated in the middle of the grounds.I could see lots morebuildings then the main one I was looking at, all on a giant field of grass. I later

    discovered that the main was the dorms and the others were the classroom.

    I looked at my watch. Ten minutes until I was supposed to be a.I started a steady walking

    pace, dragging my suitcases behind me, my short black hair clouding my face. I followed

    a path though the middle, and it wasn't long until I reached the large wooden door. Icontemplated knocking, but just then it started to rise from the bottom, forcing me to

    hurry backwards.

    The opening was magnificant. I watched in awe as it slowly rose to the top, my jawdropping. When it had fully opened I could see the people behind who had been pulling it

    up with ropes. The room they stood in was just...wooden. There was no other way to

    decribe it. All I could see was a door. No furniture.Just wood.A part from the ropepullers, there was one person in the room.

    A woman. She had faded blond hair that was tucked behind her ears. Her face was brownand crinkled.. But she was wearing clothes like she was around 30. Her blouse was white,

    with back buttons. She was wearing a soot coloured pencil skirt, and her black shoes

    were heeled.

    "You must be Aaliyah." She said in a strong French accent.

    "Err...Yeah."I replied nervously. She signaled for me to come towards her. I walked over,filled up with curiousity. She had a weird air of royalness around her. When I reached her

    she said

    "I am Miss Loralee , your new headmistress. Follow me."

    She led me through the door into the castle like interior; there were paintings andeverything. Flowers were neatly placed on small, white, square tables. Sparking

    chanderliers hung down from the walls, which were painted white, and the floor was a

    light brownish colour, kind of pretty.

    We went up two flights of stairs and stopped before a door.

    "It's quite late, you must be tired." She opened the door to about 10 sleeping girls, andgestured to a bed at the back.I tiptoed slowly over as she closed the door and when I got

    on the bed I fell asleep straight away.

    .

    I had the dream of darkness again that night. I never dreamt anything other then it. This

    time, it was like I was the darkness. I was the pit, and I was pulling everyone around mein. I was destroying the world.

    .

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    I opened my eyes groggily to see a crowd of girls surrounding me.

    "Who are you?"

    "Aaliyah...," I groaned, still half asleep.

    "Cool," one said. I sat up, looking at them.

    "I'm Stevie," a girl said, holding out her hand for me to shake,"and these are Chloe,Maegan, Esther, Jessica and Scarlett!"

    Um, hi," I said. Stevie had dyed red hair with streakes of black in it and her clothing style

    was punk. I instantly liked her.

    "Want me to show you around?"she asked. I nodded and she linked arms with me like

    we'd always been friends as we walked out the room.

    We strolled through a lot of places but I was too shy to ask exactly where we were.

    Stevie smiled at me and I politely smiled back. At this point we went through a normal

    looking door that led us to the most beautiful garden ever. Neatly cut trees surrounded the

    edges, while circles of different types of flowers occupied the middle. It was obvious they

    didn't keep birds there, though every one of them I saw looked permenantly stuck to theamazing picture.

    "Wow..." was all I could say.

    "I know, its beautiful, isn't it?" She smiled her smile again.I remembered that there was

    supposed to be some shops somewhere .

    "Where are all the shops?"

    "Oh, there in the nearest town, it's a really long walk.I can take you if you want, maybe

    this afternoon?"Stevie looked at her watch.

    "C'mon," she said,"it's nearly breakfast."

    As we walked back along the beautiful hall I thought of something.

    "Do boys and girls have breakfast together?"

    "Yep." Was all she said.

    "What are they like?" Stevie grinned.

    "Most are just boring but some are..."At this she looked up and sighed.I had my answer.

    "And now you get to see them!" She pushed open the door. Children of 12 to 19 sat

    eating and chatting at the same time. People were everywhere. People. Lots of them. I'dnever seen as many. Even on my ride there it was late and hadn't been as busy. It was

    overcrowded. Plus they were facing me.I realised why as Stevie blushed.

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    "My entrance wasn't that dramatic, was it?" She whispered to me. I laughed. Stevie

    looked at me betrayed, and then started laughing to. By then everyone had gone back to

    when they were doing. We walked to a table at the left of the room. The people I'd metthis morning were already there.

    "We thought you'd dissapeared!" Chloe said.I smiled.

    "What have you been doing?" asked Scarlett.

    "Not much really. Just the garden. We're going into town this afternoon though."

    "It's great there."Esther said to me, but she didn't sound like it was. She was looking at

    me in a weird way,as if she didn't like me.

    "Um, yeah, I'm excited." We sat down and I looked around the table. Jessica and Maegan

    were sitting chatting to the corner(it was a square table), and with their blue eyes andbrown hair they were obviously twins. They'd even made an effort to dress the

    same.Chloe and Scarlett were sitting together,Chloe with Blonde hair and Scarlett with

    Ginger-both with brown eyes-, but Esther was still looking at me. Stevie was her bestfriend then. But Stevie didn't notice. Her green eyes were focused on me.

    "So, where are you from Aaliyah?" Stevie asked.

    "Cambridge." I replied.

    "What school did you used to go to?"

    "Didn't go to one."

    "What?! You must've done!" Chloe looked confused.

    "Why?" Scarlett really wanted to know.Should I tell them? Or make up some story aboutposh home schooling. In the heat of it all I decided on the latter.

    "I was home schooled." I mumbled.

    "Probably has no education at all..." Esther said under her breath. I heared. But I didn't

    show it because I didn't want to get into fights on the first day. Look on the bright side, I

    thought. At least they didn't know.Guilt ran right through my body. I couldn't help feelingthat I shouldn't of lied. No one seemed to have noticed Esther's little comment either.

    I heared the door open and looked around. And saw something more beautiful then the

    garden. It was a boy of around fifteen. His messy black hair was mid lenth, shining in thelight of an open window. Hed ignored school rules; his top was untucked, and the first

    few buttons undone. His trousers were tightly fitted, but came out at the ends. The

    trainers he wore were converse, and he wore them better then anyone I'd ever seen. Hisskin was brownish and he looked slightly Chinese. He wore earings, and had a bone

    necklace on. But the most exciting thing about him was his eyes. They were the lightest

    shade of blue I'd ever seen, and they shone in the same sunlight that basked his hair.

    By the time I'd achnolaged this I was practically dribbling.' Most are just boring but some

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    are...'I remembered Stevie's words. This was one of them.

    "Who's that?" I asked her, my eyes still on him.

    "'That' is the only dateless hottie at this school, although you can probably tell he's been

    asked more then once. He always turns people down."

    "Name please?"

    "Mason Ryder.He's stunning, right?"

    "Uh huh."

    "Anyway," she said "I think it's time we actually get our breakfast."

    "But..." But Mason was the last one in the queue.

    "You won't have caught all his beauty until you smell him." Stevie winked at me, took

    my hand, and started dragging me to the queue, leaving the rest of rthe group in laughingfits.Except Esther of course, who I knew hated me.

    We were approaching the line and him quickly. Then we were there, and I was standing

    behind Mason Ryder. I looked at Stevie. She winked again. I closed my eyes andbreathed through my nose.

    The smell was like flowers, but stronger. It smelled like all the things I loved, and all thethings I hadn't discoverd. It smelt like love. It was overpowering. I could feel it running

    through me, all over my body. It was a noise pounding though me, or was that my own

    heart? It had reached my eyes, and everything was turning black.

    I fell backwards.

    Only to find myself in Mason's arms, his brilliant blue eyes looking at me with true

    concern. I was sure Stevie was helping, but all I noticed was him. At that moment I was

    so deeply in love.

    "Are you alright?" His voice was so clear and deep, like a movie stars.

    "Yes." I managed to say. He stood me up. No, don't take me out of your arms! I thought,but it was too late.I was standing up, feeling slightly dizzy, but I didn't let it show.

    Everyone was staring at me, but all I noticed was him. His eyes were filled with the same

    love I felt for him.

    "You should go to the nurses office." Stevie piped up, ruining our moment.

    "I'll take her." Said Mason. And to my suprise, he actually picked me up and carried me

    there.

    Chapter Three

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    When we got to the nurses office he lay me down on a bed.

    "Are you alright?" Again, he had asked me the same question. His eyes were still cased

    with worry. He cared. That was a feeling I had only ever got from him. It felt good.

    "Yeah, just dizzy..." At that point the room wobbled and I started to feel sick. Masons

    eyes widened and he called over the nearest nurse. She looked at me and tucked me into abed.

    Mason looked so hot today... His beautiful eyes were shining even brighter and he was

    practically sparkling. Suddenly something happend to it. His eyes grew narrower and hisattitude completely changed.

    "I've got to go," he said.

    "But..." By then he'd left.

    I silently wondered about the attitude change. In those few moments before it I had truly

    belived he was deeply in love with me. He couldn't have been.

    .

    "Lessons start in five minutes!" The voice on the speakers was followed by a bell.

    "Hurry up!" Said Stevie to the person in front of us.We were in the bustle in the hallway,

    trying to get to our first lesson.

    "Stevie?"

    "Yeah?"

    "What is our first lesson?"

    "Art.I chose it for you at dinner while you were on your first date."

    "I so was not!!"

    "However you want to describe it.You ruined our chance of seeing town!"

    "You could of gone by yourself."

    "As if I would have.I was waiting for you." The door appeared in front of us and we burst

    through it before we could be shoved out of the way.We arrived in a small room full ofpaint canvas's.It was an art room; it looked like someone had painted it themselves.The

    walls were rainbows with every colour I knew about splashed on them.

    "Finally girls." I turned around to see who the voice belonged to and saw a tall man wholooked to be in his twenties. He had circular glasses and they were dark so I couldn't see

    what colour his eyes were underneath.His clothes looked like they were from the

    seventies.He looked like an art teacher.

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    "Stevie, you can sit in your own place...And you..." He said it slowly, like he was

    struggling to get the words out.

    "Her names Aaliyah, Mr Lee."

    "Thank you Stevie...Aaliyah, sit next to Mason..." I looked around and spotted him.He

    was looking even hotter today.His eyes shone like they had when I'd first saw him, andI'm sure he smiled slightly when he saw me looking at him.But only slightly, it soon

    faded, like he'd reminded himself he wasn't allowed to smile.

    I walked over and sat in the seat at the canvas next to him.I looked at Mr Lee, half

    expecting him to skip over to his canvas.But he didn't.He just walked slowly.He did

    everything slowly.He turned his canvas to face the class.

    "Today I want to show you how to accurately paint animals.First of all you..."

    I wasn't listening.I was staring at Mason.His beautiful face, his bright blue eyes.The

    unique hair which I noticed has been slightly cut.I noticed everything different about him,

    everything the same.Everything about him was lovely.Amazing.Wonderful.

    "Aaliyah?"

    "Huh?" Dammit Aaliyah.You're first class too...

    "I said, did you do art at your old school?

    "Um...no."

    "Ok...You'll need a partner then.Any volanteers?"Stevie had her hand up but he didn'tsee.

    "Edwin?". He was looking at a boy with red greasy hair and brown eyes.His neck wasshort but he wasn't ft.Edwin wore a red top and puffy jeanes.The converse trainers he

    wore were badly scuffed; he'd had them for a while.

    "Yes sir?" His face gave away that he hadn't been listening.So did the PSP he had juststuffed in his pocket.

    "Will you go help Aaliyah?" Mr Lee's slow voice had become slightly tired.

    "Sure!" Edwin smiled cheekily, like a six year old would.He walked over to my place and

    sat in the seat beside me.Why couldn't I sit with Mason?!!

    "Hi, hotstuff." Edwin whispered.I froze.What had he just called me?! Now I really

    wanted to sit with Mason.Edwin was ruining our unspoken relationship.He smiled at me.Irealised he was joking.I laughed, a bit too late.

    "Start drawing." Edwin took a pencil out and drew a circle.

    "Are you helping?" Said Edwin.I realised I didn't know what we were meant to be

    drawing.

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    "Um..."

    "You wern"t listening, were you?"

    "Neither were you!"

    "Us boys can double task."

    "I think that saying is about girls."

    "Nah, girls can't double task.All girls can do is stare at Mason with dreamy eyes..."

    "I was so not!"

    "I never said that." He said innocently, holding his hands up in surrender.Edwin really

    could multi-task.His circle had turned into a lifelike dog.

    "Woah...how long have you been doing art?"

    "Since I was seven.I've always loved it."

    "Cool."

    "So...am I going to hand this in and say you helped?"

    "Sorry.It's just that I've, well, never drawn anything." I looked at him pleadingly, silentlywilling him to forgive me.

    "Wht?!" He looked stunned, like I'd just said I was an alien."Why?"

    "Um...I can't tell you..." I blushed a deep red colour.

    "Oh." He said.

    "Sorry..."

    "It's alright. Just let me do one thing."

    "What?"

    "Promise you'll let me teach you how to draw."

    "I promise." I smiled.The bell rung.

    "Please hand your artwork in before you leave for tea..." Mr Lee said.

    "I'll do it." Offered Edwin.

    "Thanks."He just smiled and took the paper to Lee's table.Stevie walked up to me.

    "Tea! I hope it's pizza.Last time it was all burnt though."

    "Me too." We walked down to the hall and sat in our usual seat.Everyone in our dorm sat

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    with us apart from Esther, who looked at me in disgust and went to sit with the populars.

    "You sat with Edwin?" Stevie asked..

    "Yeah."

    "I don't like him.He just stares at people.And not in the places you'd want him to." Ilaughed, but stopped as

    Mason entreed the hall and went to sit at Esther's table.Esther smiled.I couldn't help

    hating her at that moment.Ok, so I'd took her friend.But I hadn't done it intentionally, had

    I? She knew nothing about me, yet she was being horrible. Mason whispered something

    to her. Whatever it was a sly smile spread across her face and she whispered somethingback.

    Maybe she knew my secret. But she didn't. . What if Mason knew? I was beingirrational.He didn't know. If Stevie didn't, then how would he?

    Mason got up.

    It took me a second, but so did I. Stevie grabbed me, following my gaze.

    "Really?"

    "Please Stevie?" She thought for a minute, then let me go.

    "Good luck." Stevie smiled.

    Confidently, I started walking down the hall, star Iing at Mason and thinking about howbetter it wouLd be when I told him. Unfortunately, I was stopped halfway, by an all to

    familiar face.

    "Where are you going?" Esther was standing in front of me, with two girls behind her.

    I wondered how she had became popular in one tea time.

    "What's it got to do with you?"

    "It looks like your following my boyfriend." Wait, her boyfriend? Esther didn't have aboyfriend. Unless she meant.... No, she couldn't....

    Chapter Four

    "Your boyfriend? Mason isn't dating anyone."

    Wasn't he? I hadn't heard anything about it. And Stevie was the gossip hub of the school.

    But they'd been whispering...

    "Of couse he isn't!" Esther laughed and her friends joined in. They were called Tanka and

    Michelle. I was starting to hate them too. I growled. I was actually starting to believe her.

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    "Yes, my boyfriend. He just asked me out. I said yes of course." She was grinning with

    delight, but I felt terrible. But I couldn't break down. At least not here. The only place I

    could go anymore. Upstairs.

    I ran for it.

    I heard Esther's horrible laugh boom through the thick walls behind me as I quickly ranout of the dinner hall, a single tear falling down my face. I ran down the halls until I

    found the stairs. I counted the steps as I bounded up, then went to my room, where Istood staring in the reflective glass that was a mirror at my reflection.

    I looked seriously terrible.

    My green-blue eyes were bloodshot, and my face was bright red. The single tear had

    crawled to my chin. Another fell to my nose and I wiped at away quickly with a tissue. I

    lay my hands palm down on the table, and stared at myself for a moment before runningto my bed, where I lay down.

    I'd thought Mason had liked me. The way he'd carried me, the way he'd looked into myeyes with intense love and concern. The way he acted.

    Obviously not.

    But I could have sworn he'd never looked at Esther like he'd looked at me with those

    beautiful eyes... Wow, I really was madly in love with him.

    Anger overpowered the love this time. The thought that stuck in my head was that he was

    in love with Esther. Like he was only pretending to be in love with me. He was

    pretending.

    This is how I slowly convinced myself that I hated Mason. I din't really, but you knowhow pesuasive you can be with yourself.

    Instincivly, I reached under my white pillow and grabbed the silver knife that I had hid

    underneath when I'd arrived . I took of my blue jacket and brought the blade to my arm. I

    stopped for a moment. I thought I'd got out of this addiction. I hadn't. Esther's utter hatefor me had brought me back into it.

    I knew it would hurt. I prepared myself before doing it.

    Then I cut. Ow...I moaned softly as the knife went down into my pale skin. I could feel

    the sting, the terrible pain all over my now warm body. Watching as the blood poured

    slowly down my arm, I kept cutting across my arm, I kept cutting across.

    The pain was intense, burning through my soul, making me cringe.

    Boom...boom...boom... My head was pounding now and I was starting to feel dizzy. I was

    so cold... Suddenly the pain was too much and I stopped abruptly.

    I walked into the bathroom, still slightly dizzy, and got out a white flannel. It wasn't

    going to be white for long. First I wiped the tears off my face. Then my bloodstained arm,

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    and finally my knife. Then I wrapped the flannel up with toilet paper and threw it in the

    bin.

    I slowly walked back into my room and lay on my bed, sobbing quietly into my pillow. I

    put my jacket back on to hide my cuts.

    Mason was hot. I thought about him.

    Why did he hate me?

    The alarm on my phone suddenly rang. I pulled it out of my pocket.

    Sencond lesson: Maths.

    I walked down the steep stairs into the long hall.

    I hated Maths. The first time I'd done it I'd found it so hard to get my head around the

    complicated numbers the rest of the class were studying. I doubted I'd be any better this

    time. It was worth a try though.

    The thing is, I couldn't remember where Stevie had said it was. All of those long

    corridors... Bigger then Grandma's house.

    I got out my planner and turned to the current week. Maths was in room 944. Which

    was.....

    Where was Stevie when you needed her? I passed Science, Geography, Literacy... All the

    doors were a dull grey and were filled with a class of children. None of the classes looked

    like mine. I reached the end of the hall and there was another grey door.

    Maths 944. I reached out a hand and opened the door.

    I looked around the vast room for familiar faces. There wasn't many. A lot of the student

    body of Berry, even my form, I hadn't met.

    I noticed Stevie was already there, sitting in the place she'd sat last time. So was Esther.She sat in the seat at the front of the class, smiling at me like we were sharing a joke. I

    knew the joke. It wasn't funny. I quickly looked away.

    "Aaliyah!" Stevie shouted out to me. I walked towards her, glad to find an excuse to get

    away from Esther.

    "What's the matter?" Oh no, she could tell something was wrong.

    "Nothing," I muttered, staring at Esther, who was now talking to her friend sitting next toher. Stevie followed my gaze, shaking her head when she got to the end of the trail.

    "What did she do?" she whispered.

    "I said, nothing!" I had tears in my eyes. Why was I friends with Stevie? She was just a

    gossiper anyway. I should have noticed Esther was her friend. Then none of this would

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    have happend. So I didn't sit next to Stevie. I sat at the back with the weirdo's.

    Esther was ruining my life. No, I had no life. Esther was ruining my slim chance ofhaving a life.

    Stevie looked back to me. Her face was filled with dissapointment. The teacher came in

    and started a maths lecture on how square roots can be worked out with decimals.

    -.-

    By the time he had finished the speech I had convinced myself it was all my fault. In fact,

    I didn't need convincing. It was the truth. The bell rang as everyone rushed out.I tried to

    get to the door first and escape the cluster of students rushing toward it but Steviegrabbed my arm.

    "What did she do?," she repeated.

    "It's all my fault...," I whispered.

    "What is?"

    "She's dating him."

    "Who?"

    "Mason."

    "Really?"

    "Yeah," I said softly.

    "Esther is dating the hottest boy in school?!"

    "Yes! She is!" Stevie must have noticed how sad I was at this point.

    "How is it your fault?"

    "She hates me. Because I'M your friend, not her."

    There was awkward silence for a moment. I looked and Stevie and saw what I'd wanted

    to see. Anger filled her face. She wasn't Esther's friend at all anymore. We could fight her

    together.

    The silence was broken by Stevies suggestion.

    "We've got free period," she said, "wanna go to town?"

    I cheered up a bit at that. Town.

    "Ok."

    Chapter Five

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    We walked to town in silence, not knowing what to say or how to say it. It was about half

    a mile there, all through barren fields. Just when I thought I was going to try and breakthe silence we sighted the town. It was small; populated only by shops. It was odd to see

    no houses in a place like that but it was owned by Berry. Flowers were here and there,

    dotting the town. It made it seem less spacious while adding some colour to what wouldotherwise be a dull atmosphere.

    Overall the town was alright.

    I'd live there if there were any houses. I could imagine some, actually. Little cottages

    where the teachers could live, instead of sleeping in school.

    "What do you think?" Asked Stevie.

    "It's a nice town." I replied.

    "It looks better inside the shops." She smiled. Our small conversation seemed to break the

    silence and Stevie kept chatting the rest of the way there. I didn't reply. Even if I'd wantedto I wouldn't have got a word in edge ways. I wasn't listening really anyway. I was

    thinking.

    About Grandma. What was she doing right now? A buisness trip, maybe. She probably

    hadn't even been home since I'd gone.

    About home. How it was much better here in some ways, and much better there in others.

    About Esther. About her and Mason. About Mason. About his beautiful blue eyes that

    sparkled in the sun. About the way he walked, the way he talked...

    About the way his mood had suddenly changed from loving to pure hate. It was like thedoctor when I woke up though. It was caked with fakeness.

    "So...you wanna go to the sweetshop first?" Asked Stevie. I realised she'd stopped and

    quickly stopped too. We were there.

    I looked at the shops.

    They were cute. Not really colourful though. No, the colour had disappeared totally. Ilooked back to the barren fields. They were less blank.

    "Um... yeah."

    "Don't sound too exited." She said it jokily, with a smile on her face.

    We started heading towards a shop with a colourful banner reading:

    The Twizzle.

    It looked like the only bit of colour on it. I started thinking about why it was called that.

    Maybe it used to look better with lots of colour and maybe some sweets on the sign?

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    "Wait!" We'd stopped again. I looked at Stevie. She'd just remembered something, it

    showed on her face.

    "I'm sending a card to my mum, it's her birthday. I need a stamp.You go to the sweetshop

    without me.Get me some Twizzles. I love them."

    That was why.

    She walked off, leaving me standing outside the shop. I decided to go in. As I swung theplain grey door open a bell rang and a man said,

    "Hello!"

    "Uh, hi." I repried quickly, shutting the door behind me. The shop was small and cosy.

    The walls were covered with long shelves, each filled up with bottles of different sweets.

    The sweets ranged in size, shape, colour and taste. All were completely different thoughyou could tell they had been made by the same person. The nicest looking sweets were

    placed in the only jar on the counter. They were a mixture of different colour

    marshmallow twirls. They looked beautiful.

    In fact, they were mouthwatering. For a whole minute all I noticed was them and the

    dribble coming out of my mouth.

    The man seemed to notice I was staring at them.

    "They are the Twizzle's. The things I named this very shop after." I looked closer at theman. He was quite fat, most probably obese. He had brown eyes and the outsides were

    etched with smile marks. He was smiling at that very moment. People do say fat people

    are jolly.

    "How much are they?" I asked, nodding at the Twizzles. He laughed.

    "5p each. How many do you want?" I counted 100 divided by five was...

    "20 please." The man was still smiling as he got out his scooper and put the sweets into a

    bag. He gave it to me. I saw he was holding out his other hand so I shook it. His grip wastight.

    "I'm Billy. I'm always here if you ever need me." He grinned.

    "Thanks. I'm Aaliyah." He let go of my hand and I walked out.. As I went through the

    door I suddenly tripped over something and would have landed flat on my face if he

    hadn't been there.

    I looked up, realising I was in Masons arms. His eyes were as beautiful as ever, scanning

    my body for any sign of injury.

    'That's twice I've caught you." Mason chuckled. In an ideal world he would catch me a lot

    more. Unfortunately, we weren't in that world, and he didn't kiss me, like he would in myimagination, he just stood me back up.

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    "You have to be more careful." He said, angrily. That was a change of atitude. Though it

    seemed the anger wasn't directed at me, weirdly. It seemed like he thought something was

    his fault.

    Then, without saying goodbye, he quickly walked away. I was left outsIde the sweetshop

    with a look of disspointment across my face. I must have been there for about fiveminutes.

    "Hey!" Stevie shouted, running towards me. "Did you get the Twizzles." I handed thepacket to her and we shared it whilst walking back to school.

    I wondered why Mason had seemed angry at himself for catching me again. Why wasn't

    his love to me equal of mine to him?

    I came up with one answer. Esther Marie Silverton. The girl I was beggining to have a

    passion for hating. If her bullying didn't stop soon I'd be thinking about tripping and notbeing caught. Then who would be sorry?

    Maybe Esther would even stop hating me. Maybe it would be the best thing I could everdo.

    Life is created to end.

    There was only one thing stopping me from doing that right now. My love for Mason.

    And the fact I knew that inside, he was deeply in love with me too.

    Chapter Six

    "Right. Now you pull the pencil to the side and hold it there..."

    "What's the point? I'll never be as good as you." I was sat staring at my deformed car,

    wondering how people would ever fit in there. Edwin's, on the other hand, was brilliant.If it was real I'd steal it it was so perfect.

    It was like one of those posh cars really rich people bought, but in some ways better. Itwas long, like a limo, and he had coloured it fully in black, even shading the windows

    slightly.

    We were sitting cross legged on the floor, our scetching books layed in front of us. Edwin

    was on the last page whereass I was still on my first. He was trying to teach me how to

    draw.

    "Don't give up!" His words didn't help. I still had a flat car drawn with wobbly lines. I

    looked at it sideways.

    "Can I start again? You have to admit. It's flat."

    "Yes," he sighed, "next page. You are really hard to teach you know."

    "Must be part of my charm." He frowned. "You're actually quite good. Have you ever

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    considered being a teacher?"

    "Nah, artist all the way. Don't want to end up like crazy Lee. He's just plain...well, he'sjust plain plain." I giggled and he went slightly red.

    "I wonder what I'll be...not an artist."

    "I dunno. I think you have the touch." I looked down at the new piece of artwork I was

    trying to copy from Edwin's.

    "Really? You are joking right? The only kind of artist I'd be is one of those weirdos who

    just draw swirls."

    "It's art all the same." He looked at my new version of the car."That looks alright. Wanna

    paint over it?"

    "Something else to be rubbish at?"

    "You're not rubbish! I can't belive you've never painted."

    "I can't belive you like Florance And The Machine." Hopefully I'd managed to get out of

    that one.

    "Hey! She's a good singer. I like her. Will you at least colour it in with pencils?" He

    handed me a pink.

    "Pink car?"

    "Girls like pink cars don't they?" I picked up a blue.

    "I don't. I'm weird."

    "You're different to other people you know...I like that." Now it was my turn to blush. I

    quickly started colouring in my deflated car. What if he... I decided he didn't and carried

    on the conversation.

    "You like?" He looked at it.

    "It's good."

    In fact, it was. With a little more work I could be better than Edwin himself....

    "Wow...it is." A smile spread across my face. "Thank you."

    "For what?"

    "For teaching me how to draw." He blushed.

    "It's alright. You probably didn't need me to teach you anyway...."

    "I did."

    .

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    Edwin, me and Stevie sat together for tea that night. My life was slowly beggining to get

    better. I had two caring friends who liked me for who I was.

    "Have you seen Esther today," asked Stevie, "because I haven't?"

    "Me neither," said Edwin.

    "I wouldn't want to. Let's hope she's been expelled, or at least suspended."

    "Hey don't be like that. She might be ugly, but I'm sure she's nice at heart."

    "Edwin, you're a boy, what would you know?" Edwin frowned at Stevies question,

    "More then you do I'm sure."

    "You think?"

    While they were quabbling I was thinking. Where was Esther? Had Mason broke up with

    her? Why? Had he got another girlfriend?

    If he had who was she?

    He walked through the door. His face was as normal and sterdy as ever, like he hadn'tnoticed Esther wasn't with him. One thing was noticably different. He was staring right at

    me. I looked away, blushing violently.

    In the corner of my eye I saw his friend approaching. I think he was called Reece.

    "Why did you do it, man?"

    "I didn't. She broke up with me." Mason's voice was as normal as ever. His aura radiated

    'go away, I don't care'. But I knew something was different. He had broke up with Esther.

    "Really? I heared she was crying in toilets all day." This voice was from his friend Jake.

    Crying. In the toilets. I may have hated Esther, but at that moment I felt sorry for her.

    "Yes. I'm telling the truth. Now go away, yeah?"

    Edwin and Stevie were still arguing.

    "Stevie! Listen."

    "Not untill you admit it. You broke up with her. I wouldn't have got anywhere close to

    dating her anyway..."

    "Oh my god! Poor Esther!"

    "I know."

    Mason had got his food and sat down to eat it now. He was always fashionablie late. I

    liked that. Wait, what was I saying? He'd just broke up with a girl. I had to lay off him for

    a while.

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    I still found him beautiful though.

    "You still like him, don't you?" Stevie whispered.

    "Yes."

    "Why don't you try again?"

    "You know what-"

    "Esther isn't here." I contemplated. I could do it. If I wanted to. I could follow him and

    ask him out. I would. Thats what I would do. I finished my spaghetti bolonese and waited

    for Mason.

    He got up.

    I took a deep breath. Second time lucky.

    I stood up.

    He went out of the hall.

    I walked after him.

    I pushed the door open and hurried after him. He went through a long route but I knew

    where it was leading. The little garden.

    As we darted through various corridors I thought. How could I ask him? It was the men

    who were meant to ask the women. It was going to be hard.

    After walking for a while Mason got to the door leading outside. He pulled it open and

    went outside. I quietly pulled it open after him.

    The garden was basked in darkness. The sunset was orange and red with a yellowish glint

    in parts. Mason was standing in the middle, his back turned to me.

    He was wearing a red tightly fit top that showed all of his abs and blue skinny jeanes. He

    was handsome that night.

    "You followed me," he said, not even bothering to turn around. He knew it was me.

    "Yes, how did you know?"

    "Shadows." I'd guessed as much.

    "Why did you break up with Esther?"

    "I'm in love with somebody else." This was the second time I felt completely crushed. I'd

    felt I could do anything...Now I could take my life. I shook with tears.

    "Oh right, I'd better be going then..." I turned around to the door, stopping only when I

    felt a hand on my right shoulder. It tickled me. It was warm, so warm the warth made it's

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    way through my whole body.

    "It's you Aaliyah." I closed my eyes. He was in love with me. I'd felt it, the way helooked at me, the way he spoke to me. Everything.

    "Will you go out with me?" The question just flew out my mouth. I couldn't controll it.

    "I can't."

    "What?"

    "Aaliyah-"

    "Why?"

    "I...I can't tell you." I was agitated now.

    "Mason, you just admitted you were in love with me. Why can't you go out with me?" I

    knew what it was. He still loved Esther didn't he?

    "If you still love Esther-"

    "I don't," he said quickly. He seemed to think for a moment. "Ok. As long as it staysprivate."

    "What, because I'm the new girl?"

    "Look, do you really want Esther to know?"

    "No."

    "Then you're now officially privately going out with me."

    Chapter Seven

    I walked back inside, screaming in my head. I was going out with Mason Ryder, the

    hottest guy at Berry Boarding Academy! I would have screamed it out, but then there was

    the one complication of our relationship. It was secret.

    I practically skipped to dorm, counting every bouncing step I made. I came to dorm and

    felt like bursting inside. I collected myself and walked in normally. I even managed to

    put a slight frown on my face.

    I walked inside, got my pajamas and went into the bathroom, where I changed clothesbefore brushing my teeth. When I walked back into my dorm Stevie was there.

    "So," she asked, as I stuffed my clothes into the wash basket, "what did he say?"

    "He said no," I said, sitting down on my white bed.

    "What?! Why'd he break up with Esther then?"

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    "I dunno." There was silence for a while where we both seemed to think. I was thinking

    about how to keep this a secret. Stevie could be thinking of joining the circus, she took

    that long. Finally she pat me on the shoulder.

    "Oh well. You can always try again." I'd got out of that one. Phew.

    Stevie went to go lay in her bed. A member of night staff came in.

    "Lights out!" I got into bed and prepared to go to sleep. The last thing I thought was 'He'sso handsome..."

    .

    It was Art and I was much better at it. I didn't even need Edwin anymore, but he still sat

    next to me.

    "What are you drawing?" he asked.

    "A person." He raised an eyebrow.

    "Anyone in particular?"

    "No." It was but I weren't telling who. It was Mason. And it wasn't actually a person. Itwas his eyes. I captured the exact shade of blue and it was brilliant, if I say so myself. It

    even had the very shape. The way the straight parallel lines curved slightly at the edges.

    I even did the eyebrows, in that dark brown colour, the exact shape.

    Edwin couldn't know it was Mason. That would be breaking our secret.

    "What are you drawing?" He laughed.

    "A tree."

    "Is that all?"

    "Well, it's a special tree. The leaves are yellow the whole year round and it hold a secret."

    "Which is?"

    "I can't tell you. It's a secret."

    "Oh."

    "I don't know what it is myself." I got the hint. I went bright red and turned away. Ishould have known. Edwin liked me. He like liked me. And he knew I had a secret.

    "Edwin..."

    "Why can't you tell me Aaliyah?"

    "Because I can't." If it was this easy for him to find out, who else would? People wouldgo around asking questions. They'd go to my friends first. If I told Edwin... I didn't want

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    people to know who I was. That I'd forgot who I was.

    He looked at me, his eyebrows raised. I read his face. He wanted to know. Suddenly hisexpression changed, his mouth flattened to a straight line, his eyebrows lowered. He

    looked into my eyes and studied my face.

    "Aaliyah, at my art lesson I told you something. That you're different. You blushed but Imeant it. You are different. And I know you're not going to tell me how. Just know if you

    ever want to tell anyone come to me.". I let out a sigh. He knew I wasn't going to tell him.That was good.

    We went on with the art lesson for a while, Edwin drawing out his tree (which now

    turned out to be a portrait of me) and me developing Masons eyes. They didn't seem to beright anymore. I kept trying for a while, giving up just before the bell rang.

    I went out of the classroom and to my locker where I found a note.

    'Meet me in the garden at free period. M."

    I didn't know how Mason knew when I had free period and how it was at the same time

    as him. Probably borrowed my planner. He probably didn't have free period either. Just

    skipping class. I had two more classes before that. Literacy and Science.

    Esther was in my Literacy class. She had black bags under her eyes and was sitting at the

    back of the class by herself. I considered sitting with her for a moment before realising

    why she was crying. Karma. She'd hurt me so Mason had hurt her.

    It went quickly. So did Science, where we were working with bunson burners.

    I put my stuff in my locker. I ordered them in alphabetical order so I could easily find

    them again before going to the door that led outside. I opened it, feeling a exited tinglecrawl up my back.

    Mason was standing in his usual place in the middle.

    He was as hot as he was every time. I walked towards him, looking into his eyes. Theywere blue obviously. But this time they held something else. It was what Edwin saw

    every time he looked into my eyes. A secret.

    I decided to ignore it this time.

    "Hi," I said. Wow Aaliyah, best way to start a conversation with your boyfriend ever. He

    smiled though. It looked slightly fake, like Doctor Simmons's pity had.

    "Hello Aaliyah," he replied. He looked into my eyes and realised a deep passion. I'd

    never felt it before and at first I wondered what it was.

    I wanted to kiss him. Seemingly, he wanted the same thing.

    "Kiss me Aaliyah." I did. I brought my lips to his, enjoying the taste as our mouths hit

    and I licked and sucked. It was like a love story, a few moments of pleasure.

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    His hands came to my hips and then curved down my bottom as we kissed some more. I

    wanted it to last forever, then it all went spiralling down.

    He took one hand of my bum. Thinking he was trying to stop our moment, I took my

    mouth of his lips, my face away from his.

    "What are you doing?" I asked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach into hispocket and bring at something but I didn't notice what it was.

    "I'm sorry," he said. I was momentarily confused. I saw his eyes well up with tears.

    "What-" I felt a sharp prick in my neck and fell to the floor. The last thing I saw was

    Mason crying above my as my eyes slowly closed.

    Chapter Eight

    When I woke up it was pitch black. I was sitting on some sort of bed, my head layed on a

    pillow. My neck hurt and it took a second for me to realize why.

    Mason.

    He'd injected me. So where was I? I sat up but it was still dark and I couldn't see a thing. Ilay back down. What had Mason been doing? Maybe this was all a mistake and I'd just

    fainted again. Maybe he hadn't injected me at all. The pain in my neck told a different

    story.

    The lights turned on and I was temporarilly blinded. I closed my eyes. When I opened

    them again Mason was standing in front of me.

    "Mason-" I started."Shhh." I noticed he was crying. I studied his blue eyes. They were filled with sadness.He was approaching me. I looked at his hands.

    A knife.

    "What the-"

    "Shhh," he said again. Tears were pouring down my face. Now I knew everything. He did

    love me, but he had to kill me. That's why he'd looked away, why he couldn't bear to look

    into my eyes, why he'd refused when I'd first asked him out.

    "I thought you loved me Mason...you don't, do you?"

    Still he came closer, and I knew he was going to kill me. I followed the knife with myeyes. Closer, closer... Now it was hanging right above my heart.

    I looked into Masons eyes, begging him to stop. He looked into mine. The knife wasnearly cutting through my skin now. He was going so slow, it was like he was going in

    slow motion, or was that just me?

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    I screamed out. Mason suddenly stopped, pulling the knife away.

    "I can't do it! I'd rather be dead the kill you Aaliyah," he said, "I've done it so many times,please forgive me!" Mason was slowly backing away from me in fits of tears. I know it

    was kind of weird at that moment but I felt slightly sorry for him.

    "Stop crying Mason and tell me what's happening." I stood up and walked over to him,my legs feeling slightly stiff. I crossed my arms.

    "I cant" he said, wiping his eyes.

    "You can't?! What do you mean you can't?! You just nearly murdered me! I deserve an

    explanation!"

    "Ok." He walked over to the bed I had woke up in and sat down, patting the space next to

    him. When I shook my head, and leaned instead next to the wall he started.

    "Ok. I'm an assasin. I've been murdering for two years. Do I reget it? Yes, I do. But that

    won't make me forget what I've done. That won't erase the deaths."

    "You could always quit."

    "I get 1000 pounds a week. Who'd want to quit?"

    "So funny..." He looked at me.

    "You were kissing me 12 hours ago."

    "I'm glad you stopped me kissing you anymore."

    "Can we change the subject now?"

    "Go on then."

    "I was employed to murder you." He looked to the floor at this point, regretting what he'd

    done for a moment.

    "By who?" I enquired, quickly saving him from the pool of regret he seemed to be falling

    into.

    "I was employed by a woman."

    "Thats all you know?"

    "That's all I ever know. They don't tell me who they are. It was a normal employment,just as always. They tell me who I have to kill, and I kill them."

    "Just how many murders have you done?"

    "102." My mouth dropped open. "It's for my family, okay?"

    "Whatever. That won't help you when I call the police about this."

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    "Please, not yet. I haven't explained yet."

    "Go on then."

    "So I researched you, like I do with all my, um, victims. I found out all about you, who

    you are, where you were from. Normally, the people I kill have some sort of criminal

    record or a record in the British Inteligence."

    "I don't."

    "Yes. That's why I did some more reasearch on you. I read the newspaper article on the

    crash. But their was no hospital records or anything until the accident. No birth

    certificate. No record of your parents or their marrige certificate."

    "Huh?"

    "That's what I thought. Still I went on with my task. I came to the school. My next big

    problem. As soon as I met you I fell instantly in love with you. I knew you were in love

    with me too. You know the rest of the story."

    "Yes I do. But why would they have no records?"

    "I don't know."

    We sat in silence for a few moments before I heared a knock at a door in the far corner. I

    went to answer it but Mason pushed me to the floor. As my back hit the hard ground Icried out in pain.

    "Sorry!" Wait, Mason was on top of me. I was so close to him. Just about close enoughto... No. I shook my head. He had tried to murder me. No kissing.

    "What are you doing Mason?"

    "No one knows the entrance to this place! It's a secret location! They've come to kill me."

    "Mason Ryder, you let her go now!" The voice boomed through the thick walls and hurtme ears. It was a female voice.

    "Oh no." Mason said.

    "What?"

    ""It's TEGOAH."

    "TEGOAH?!"

    "The Elite Group Of Assasin Hunters. TEGOAH sounds better."

    "Ha. Who are they?"

    "They're run by CeCetta Marisota and Calvin McCall. They wear a different disguise

    each time. Wonder who they were this time?"

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    "Who-" He covered my mouth.

    "We need to barricade the doors."

    "We will break in if you don't comply!" I recognised the voice, but couldn't pinpoint

    who's it was. Mason uncovered my mouth. He ran to get the nearest table but I grabbed

    his arm.

    "I could convince them, they've come here to save me," I whispered.

    "Aaliyah, they'll shoot me." Mason said it with such sorrow, such passion, that I belived

    for a moment that he was sad for what he had done. I let go but it was too late. CeCetta

    Marisota had got through the door and she was carrying a giant gun. I knew who's thevoice was now. Stevie's.

    "Stay where you are. I will shoot!"

    "We know," Mason said gruffly, holding his hands up.

    "Aaliyah, come here." Ste-CeCetta was waving me over. It was tempting, but I had to

    defend Mason.

    "No."

    "What?!"

    "I'll only come if you promise not to hurt him." CeCetta's mouth dropped.

    "I don't know how he convinced you to come here, but he's going to-"

    "No, he was going to kill me. I'm not moving..."

    "Ok. We won't hurt him. Coming now?" I calmly walked over to where CeCetta was

    standing, noticing her gun was still pointed at Mason.

    "Stevie..."

    "My name is CeCetta."

    But she lowered her gun, frowning at me as she started to walk away. I quickly followed

    her, her bodyguards pushing Mason forward with their guns.

    I thought about what Mason had said. No records... Before the accident, apparently I

    hadnt been born, my parents didn't exist and I'd never been to a hospital.

    Where did that leave me?

    As we passed through a narrow tunnel I saw light ahead of us. I walked faster, desperate

    to get out. I got there and the light had dissapeared.

    "Huh?"

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    CeCetta sighed.

    "Look up." I did. The light was above us. I noticed the tunnel had ended and there was aladder in front of me. Oh no. I didn't like heights.

    "Guests go first," said CeCetta. I shook my head. I wasn't going to be the first up there.

    "Fine." So CeCetta went first, followed by me, then Mason, then the guards.

    My hands were sweaty. Every step I took I thought I would slip. As I went up I slowly

    counted the rungs to avoid looking down. 27, 28, 29...

    CeCetta had reached the top and I had ten rungs to go. 10, 9, 8, you can do this Aaliyah,

    7, 6...5 rungs to go... As I got to the last, I decided it wouldn't hurt to take a look down.

    But as I did I suddenly felt dizzy. The floor was so far away. I let go with one hand to

    hold my head before realizing I was on a ladder.

    The hand holding on to the ladder was sticky, and I wobbled for a moment.

    "Aaliyah!" Mason said from below me. I suddenly felt a hand on my arm. I looked down.

    It was Masons. He pushed me back on to the ladder and I climbed to the top, CeCetta

    heaving me up when I was standing on the last rung.

    I sat on my knees, breathing deeply. Mason reached the top and I pulled him up too.

    "Thank you," I said.

    "Your welcome. I am in love with you." I blushed a deep red and, not wanting Mason to

    see, I got up and walked over to where CeCetta was standing.

    She had exited the tunnel and was now in a green field. We were out. Finally.

    Chapter 9

    We walked for quite a while on the field. CeCetta seemed to know exactly where she was

    going, but in a field this big I didn't know how that worked. She didn't even have a

    compass. Probably just a great memory.

    I, on the other hand, hadn't even been told where we were going. I wondered where we

    actually were. It couldn't be that far from Berry, could it? It didn't look like Berry. Itlooked like we were in the middle of a desert. How had Mason got here? How had Mason

    got me here?

    I got my answer when I saw the helicopter.

    It was winter, and I didn't see it at first. The helicopter had been painted black to fit into

    the cold dark nights that came earlier in this season. It was only nine and already it waspitch black.

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    The helicopter was giant, the body had to be at least thirty metres in width, five in lenth.

    It was brilliant. One thing bothered me though.

    I was going back to school, wasn't I? Just when everything was starting to go together,

    the dream, the letter, the hole...they were sending me back to school. I wanted to know

    what was happening, who I was. Why I didn't have a birth certificate.

    "I'm not going," I told CeCetta. She looked bemused.

    "You have to. The asassin goes to prison, the victim carries on with their normal life.

    Thats what we work for."

    "My life isn't normal."

    "In what way? You being the new girl?" Then it clicked.

    "Do you research your asassins?" CeCetta looked suprised.

    "Of course, it's standerd procedure. anymore questions?"

    "Do you research their victims?"

    "Yes. You have no criminal record. One hospital record, a carcrash."

    "Birth certificates? Parents marrige certificates?"

    "What are you getting at? Aaliyah, tell me."

    "Mason was employed to kill me, so he searched me on his computer. My parents weren'tmarried, or born by the looks of it. I don't have a birth certificate. "

    "You probably do. You cant get everything right on a computer. If he doesn't know yourparents names, how can he research them?"

    "Family tree's. But there wasn't any."

    "Computers-" I cut her off, frustrated. I was right, and I was going to show it.

    " I know, don't always get things right. You're right. But you dont understand. I got aletter." I smiled, thinking I'd won, and was dissapointed when CeCetta's face remained

    clear.

    "Who from?"

    "There wasn't a name."

    "What did it say?"

    "'You are not who you think you are'."

    "A prank."

    "Who would prank me? Nobodys knows me."

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    "You don't know that."

    Well now I was fuming. I knew something was wrong. Mason knew something waswrong. Maybe I could get him into this... No. He'd gone with two of the guards to look

    for food.

    I had nothing else to give. My reason to not go back to Berry and not one person belivedme?

    Then I remembered something.

    "What about the hole in my fence?" She stopped. I watched in triumph as her face

    crumbled, her mouth opening slightly in suprise.

    "A...hole?"

    "The size of a person. I checked. I could fit through it."

    "Was anything stolen?"

    "No. It was there for no reason."

    "Did you ring the police?"

    "Um..." I hadn't seen anyone but my Grandma for half a year. Of course I hadn't rung the

    stupid police. I hadn't thought of it. I knew the number. 999. It was etched in my head,like a lot of other things. I didn't get why they stayed there when the memorys didn't.

    "Did you look outside?"

    "No. Would you?"

    "Yes. Why didn't you tell me this before?"

    "I just met you," I pointed out. CeCetta frowned and looked at her watch. Then, to my

    suprise, she spoke into it.

    "Base 242?"

    "Here maam." The voice sounded like it belonged to a soldier, made only to obey orders.

    It was quite high, as the man sounded as if he was from London.

    "Can you get Calvin here? I needed him immediently."

    "Yes maam." We heard a conversation as CeCetta waited.

    "Sir?"

    "Yes?"

    "Miss CeCetta needs you at location 5498."

    "How long?" CeCetta spoke through the phone.

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    "One day, at least." The conversation closed as CeCetta pressed stop.

    "Location 5498? Where are we?"

    "The Mexican desert. Luckily right at the edge, near a sparsly populated town."

    "Oh." It couldn't be that far away from Berry. Only the Mexican desert. I'd never beenabroard.

    I walked away, sitting down on a nearby rock.

    .

    We were all sitting around a fire. None of us were singing camp songs, or roasting marsh

    mellows. It was a buisness atmosphere. At least it was for CeCetta and her soldiers,

    chatting about what they would do next. Me and Mason sat there in silence, me staring atthe floor and him staring at me.

    I knew that because out of the corner of my eye I was staring at him too. He looked greattonight. He was wearing jeanes and a plain blue top that showed all of his mussles. They

    were beautiful. He was beautiful.

    He'd tried to kill me.

    I still didn't quite belive it. We were in love. We were dating. We were still in love. We

    were still dating. All that had changed was that I now knew he was a murderer. In someways I actually felt sorry for him, having to do that for his family.

    He could have chosen another job though, couldn't he? He could have been a paper boyor worked at a shop. Nice normal jobs. No, he had to go for doing the thing with the most

    pay. Being an asassin. I changed my mind. I hated him. But I loved him. That was theweird part.

    I was only still in love with him because he hadn't and couldn't kill me. Thats what kept

    me in love with him.

    The way he was staring at me seemed he was in love with me too.

    Chapter 10

    23:30 PM

    IdentityUnknown347: Did you get the information?

    C: Yes. As planned, Mason Ryder did not kill Aaliyah Stevenson.

    IdentityUnknown347: Good. You may continue with kidnap phase 2.

    C: Yes master.

    IdentityUnknown347: You are dismissed.

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    Somewhere over the clouds above Iceland, a man shut down his computer. He did not

    know who this employer was but he would work for them. He deserved a change, and

    better pay.

    Chapter 11

    I finally got bored, and I asked if I could go to sleep. The guards showed my to my room,and I was suprised I had one.

    It was in the giant helicopter.. I had a small wooden bed with white sheets, pinned to the

    floor. Rounded walls surrounded me, closing me in, and the door was locked on my side.No one could come in. Although the room was about my lenth in width, it was pretty

    nice.

    Small though.

    That didn't really matter because I wasn't claustrphobic. I wondered if I was in my pastlife, before the accident. I was starting to doubt I had a past life, I had no birth certificate,

    did I?

    I liked the room, because I could get away from my life here. It always seemed there waspeople around me. There still was, I just didn't see them now.

    I decided to spend as much time in there as I could until 'Calvin' came. It was quite lateanyway, about eleven o' clock. Not too late, but for some reason I was tired. I blamed it

    on crying and walking. I blamed that on Mason. He was the reason I was here, and thats

    why I had cried and walked.

    I seriously hated walking. My legs were so stiff and tired, I could just sit down for the

    rest of my life. I wanted to, but continued to stand up, refusing to do what they werebegging for.

    I wondered how many miles I'd done to feel this way... Ten, twenty maybe? How much

    crying had I done? Litres, probably millions of them. I felt like crying a river right now.Drawing was my only distraction, and even that was a rubbish one.

    CeCetta had given me a notebook to keep me occupied- like I was a little kid- and I wasdrawing the bed from a distance. I sketched in small quick lines like Edwin had taught

    me to and soon had captured the exact shape and size.

    I added in the rest of the room, though it wasn't really much.

    It looked exactly it, especially when I added a little figure with a notebook in the corner.

    Me. It kinda looked like me aswell. I wasn't very impressed though. Edwin could dobetter. Anyone could do better then me at anything.

    Closing the book, I stuffed it in my pocket. I walked over to the bed and was about to sitdown when I heared a quick knock on the door.

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    Wondering who would knock at this time, I quickly ran over, pressing my head against it.

    I heared shuffling. This person had been waiting for a while, too scared to knock.

    "Who is it?"

    "Me." The voice was Mason's and I sighed, opening the door, even though really I didn'twant to see him.

    "What do you want, because I'm going to sleep in a minute?" I asked. Mason was dressedin black with a black leather jacket on. He looked like a robber, not an asassin.

    "I want you to help me escape. I've got it all planned, the route and everything-"

    "Go away." I started to close the creaky door, but he held it with his foot. He groaned as I

    still kept trying to close it, a frown filling his before beautiful face.

    "Stop it! Why wont you come with me? It's not like I killed you, is it? You could escapewith me! Come now and in less then a day we could be living the dream together!"

    Mason was persuasive, but I felt anger well up in me and couldn't keep it in.

    "No! You keep going on about how you didn't kill me, how you couldn't. I don't care

    about that! The reason I hate you is that I finally had friends. I thought I could live anormal life. You ruined it!"

    I watched his face fall as I went more into my rant. I tried to convince myself I didn't carehow he felt, and it was probably an act to get me somewhere he could try to kill me

    again. It didn't really work, but I wasn't showing it.

    After hesitating for a moment, I slammed the door in his face, locking it behind me. I'd

    had enough of Mason for one night. I noticed tears were pouring down my cheeks and

    wiped them of with my hand as I walked back to my bed. I sat down.

    Mason was mad.

    Escape? We were in the middle of no where. Though I didn't doubt he'd find a way. Iknew this was the last time I'd see Mason, at least for a while.

    I hoped I was right saying that, as I didn't want to see him ever again. All seeing him didwas make me hate him more, and I still wanted to love him.

    I tried to forget Mason, picturing the perfect life without him. That didn't work. He wasalways in it, but we were at Berry, and he wasn't an asassin. We were still secretly dating.

    We'd go to the garden every night and it would be so romantic.

    We would kiss aswell. It would be like the last time we kissed, but deeper, and for longer.This time he wouldn't inject me. I wouldn't end up here, CeCetta telling me nothing about

    what was going to happen next.

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    I'd liked CeCetta as Stevie. She'd been the perfect best friend, whenever Esther was mean

    she was there for me. She'd been sorry when I told her Mason said no.

    That was all an act that I'd fell for. I was so gullible. I'd fell for a lot of acts. Mason's,

    CeCetta's... I was starting to think that everything on earth was an act and everything was

    made to fool me. If everything was just a game, what was I?

    I lay down and pulled the covers over my head. There was no knifes on this helicopter, so

    I'd just have to make do with a bobble. I took it out of my hair and put it round my wrist,flicking it until it hurt.

    Finally I went to sleep, crying from pain and my terrible life.

    .

    Me and Mason were sitting together in a skate park. He was wearing dark blue jeans,

    and a black t-shirt saying 'back off, I have a girlfriend'. He did, and it was me. He stared

    into my eyes and I stared into his. They seemed to be slightly golden, even lighter then

    usual. Beautiful. His lips came closer to mine and we kissed, just softly.

    I knew what I was dreaming. This would be what our lives would be like if I'd ran away.Perfect. And at that moment I regretted my desision of staying.

    .

    When I woke up a guard was in my room. He told me Mason was gone, and I nearlycried. I pulled myself together just in time to stop myself. I was staying here and I

    couldn't change that. He could be miles away by now.

    Chapter 12

    I sat on the floor, wondering what great paradise Mason was in. I would have found it

    easier alone but unfortunately I wasn't.

    I was with TEGOAH, although I really didn't feel like being anywhere near them. I still

    hated myself for not running away with Mason, and being with people who were talking

    about him wasn't going to help.

    At least like me, they hated him.

    "Where is he?! He's even messed up our tracking devices," said CeCetta angrily, she wasgetting frustrated, but I wasn't going to tell her what I knew. I never wanted to see him

    again, and if I told I feared they might actually find him. That was the last thing I wanted.

    For that reason I remained quiet, a silent watcher as she paced across the long hallway of

    the helicopter, becoming quite bored as the slow minutes passed. I counted the seconds

    one by one on my fingers. 205, 206, 207...

    Finally, just as I was about to say something myself, the silence was broken by a person I

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    hadn't yet heared speak.

    "Maybe he went through the woods? Wherever he went, I don't think you noticed..."Calvin's voice echoed across the room. He had arrived ten minutes earlier, but was

    already making himself at home. He had a cup of tea in his hand and was labourously

    slurping it.

    I'd just met him properly and I already hated him.

    He was bossy, mean and full of himself. Most surprisingly... he was Edwin. That was

    what had shocked me the most when he arrived. Not the helicopter that was even bigger

    then ours, or the mass of guards, or the fact that he had a personal assistant - Sophie.

    Edwin, who I'd thought liked me and who I'd liked. The person who I'd had a fun time

    with. Edwin who'd taught me how to draw. All the while he was acting, and in real life he

    was horrible.

    Though the fact that he had a personal assastint did shock me. No one else I knew had a

    personal assistant, even CeCetta. From what I had heard from Mason before he left,Calvin was just as important as her, even though he was acting like he was her boss.

    The only people I ever heard of having a personal assistant either worked for a big

    company and needed one, or were famous. I guessed TEGOAH was quite a bigorganisation though. And a good cause.

    Right now Sophie was standing behind Calvin, quickly jotting down neat notes. She hadbrown hair that was quite long and curly and brown eyes. Suited in a white blouse and

    pencil skirt, she was the most organised woman I'd ever seen.

    "I have two theories of where he went. He either ran to the nearest town or got a lift from

    a friend. I suspect the second theory, which isn't a theory really, as we have evidence."

    "And what evidence would that be exactly?"

    "Our agents found this." She lay a black box on the table. "It's a phone signal tracker. He

    had been texting recently. Who... we don't know. The contact was un-named. We calledthe number but did not receive an answer. The recipient, Ryder's friend, as you would

    call it, has broke the phone."

    "Could you locate the phone?"

    "Unfortunately not. The gadget was untraceable."

    "Makes sense," agreed CeCetta, "but we searched Ryder and he wasn't holding anything

    resembling a mobile phone."

    "We have an explanation for that too." Calvin was talking now. "Did you check his

    shoes? Our tracker indicates he was hiding it lower down in his body." CeCetta blushed

    violently. She evidently hadn't even thought of checking Mason's shoes.

    "Thats sorted then, isn't it?" Sophie asked the question to Calvin who quickly nodded his

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    head before standing up and folding his portable chair. CeCetta was outraged.

    "Sorted?! Calvin, we need to find him. We've spent all this time looking for one person tohave the chance snatched away from us? I don't think so."

    There was an awkward silence as Sophie and Calvin walked over to where we were

    standing.

    "And how do you propose we find him? He could be anywhere in the world by now." Itwas weird, but Sophie kind of reminded me of Esther. She had the same commanding air

    about her, even though CeCetta was higher than her in TEGOAH.

    "We look!" Even though CeCetta was fighting for the thing I didn't want, I was starting tolean towards her side. I didn't like Calvin and Sophie. I also had a sneaky suspistion they

    weren't telling the truth. If they had been in England, how had they got the phone signal

    tracker onto this helicopter? Something was wrong.

    Though I didn't think CeCetta had noticed through her anger.

    I felt it even more as Calvin walked off, not even bothering to say he didn't agree. We

    knew it though. I was starting to think Calvin didn't want to find Mason. But if that's what

    he had worked for all of his life, then why?

    "Don't you just hate him sometimes? That stupid Sophie..." CeCetta said in an angry

    voice, before walking in the direction of her room. By the looks of it, I was going to hate

    Calvin all the time.

    And Sophie.

    Chapter 13

    I sat on a rock outside the helicopter. Rocks in a desert... It seemed it was different inMexico. CeCetta was in her room somewhere, sulking probably, and Calvin and Sophie

    were off doing something. I could guess what.

    Eww.

    I was completely disgusted by the thought. They were work collegues! Even me and

    Mason hadn't gone that far. Maybe we would have if he hadn't left like that. Maybe wewould if they could stop doing that.

    I was starting to think that was why they didn't want to find Mason.

    There was something else to though, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. It was

    like when I was in the hospital. With the way the doctor seemed like he was lying... And

    the dream. And the the letter. And the hole.

    Wait... what if these were all connected? What if the doctor was lying, and Calvin and

    Sophie didn't want to find Mason because they knew exactly where he was? What if theyalready had him?

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    The realisation came so quickly I nearly fell of my rock. All this time, Calvin had been

    pretending to be a part of TEGOAH?!

    I had to tell CeCetta. I doubted she was a part of this.

    Quickly, I jumped of the rock and ran inside the gigantic helicopter. Where was CeCetta's

    room? I stopped for a moment to think, closing my eyes. I hadn't been there before, butI'd saw her go in. It was too the east...room seven, probably. As soon as I saw the door I

    bounded through it, only to see something I never wanted to see.

    CeCetta was lying on her bed, her eyes closed like she was sleeping. But the knife wound

    to her heart told me the truth. CeCetta Marisota, my best friend since Berry, was dead.

    The one that had welcomed me and cared for me. The one that had saved me from

    Mason, thinking he was going to kill me. In fact, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have met

    Mason

    I sighed. I was as lonely as I had been at Grandma's house. All I had now was Mason,

    and I didnkt even know where he was.

    I would have crouched down next to her bedside and cried softly to myself in sorrow, but

    I didn't have time. I had to escape before I reached the same fate as her. A single tear fell

    down my face as I said my goodbyes before backing out of the room.

    Then I tuned around and ran, banishing all thoughts of CeCetta from my mind. It was my

    safety that mattered now. I had to save myself, not pity others.

    When I could see the exit I started to speed up. I was so close to escaping. It would be

    easy. I would get out, find Mason, convince him into doing a normal job, and then we'dlive a normal happy life together. We could even have children!

    I knew that was probably thinking a bit too far ahead.

    I kept running on that. I was nearly there... Wait, no I wasn't. I slowed down, dreading

    what was going to happen. Guarding the exit was a smiling Calvin. I quickly turned back,

    remembering the helicopter had a fire exit, but was too late.

    Sophie was standing behind me with a bloody knife in her hand. At that moment, I

    absolutely hated her. She had killed CeCetta. Sophie deserved pain. I ran towards her, myheart overpowering my mind. She laughed. I didn't get why until I was spiralling back

    through the air.

    I hit the floor, crying out in pain as my back collided with the hard ground. I looked up tosee Sophie laughing again. How had she done that? She hadn't touched me once, yet I'd

    been pushed with such force.

    My mind didn't have an answer. I stood up again, this time in agony.

    "Why don't you just surrender now? It'll be a lot less painful for you. It's like you want usto hurt you!" Shut up Sophie. Traitor. Liar. Sophie may have been able to do that weird

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    thing but I was sure Calvin couldn't. So instead I ran towards him.

    Halfway there I felt lifted. At first, I thought I was just running fast, and tried to slowdown. It turned out that wasn't the case, because the next thing I knew, my feet were of

    the ground and I was spinning so fast I couldn't see.

    Through my diziness I was confused. What was happening to me? How was I spinninglike this? Maybe there was a see through wall of glass? That was the most probable

    explanation.

    Suddenly I was slowing down, aiming for a hard metal wall. The front of my face

    collided with it and I screamed. My vision was blurring and the last thing I saw was

    Sophie leaning over me, laughing.

    Chapter 14

    I opened my eyes to not being able to see.

    Darkness. Like my 'dream'.

    The room was so dark it was blinding. My back hurt as it rubbed against the cold, hard

    floor. Strugging, I slowly sat up, still seeing nothing.

    I felt te