why pop and rock artists should not use twitter ebook
TRANSCRIPT
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3
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Table of Contents
ThanksRegina(variousartists) .5
YourMothersaWHORE!!!!(NickiMinaj)12
RestInPeace(LennyKravitz)...16
LimpBizkitTrendingWORLDWIDE!(LimpBizkit).....22
MyWeesAreNeak (variousartists)..25
IdTapThat(variousartists)....31
TransparentHypocrisy(variousartists).....39
WEWORKHARD(JustinBieber)42
LoveYouScary(MileyRayCyrus).45
TheFriendliestFlower(KatyPerry)....48
SmilingToARacistMan(50Cent)..52
TheImportanceofWorldWaterDay(MandyMoore)......................55
P.S. ImFINE(TaylorSwift).................61
RoachHotelCalifornia(WeirdAlYankovic)....64
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asp -
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Thanks Regina
Popularsingers,rockmusicians,andrappershaveabuiltinpulpit. Theycanconveywhatevermessage
theywantintheirmusicandtheirlegionsoffansareacaptiveaudience.
EvenwiththatamazingluxurysomepopandrockstarshavetakentoTwittertocommunicatewhatthey
cantin
their
music.
WhattheyhavetosayonTwitterisnotalwaysexciting
orinteresting
orevencoherent
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/carrie-underwood/Carrie-Underwood-Concert-Tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/britneyspears/britneyspearstickets.asp -
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Buttheyarewordstypedby(oronthebehalfof)celebritiesandtheyrepublishedontheinternet. That
meanstheyarethemostimportantthingssincethedawnoftime!
YoumaynotknowthisbuttherearemorepeopleonTwitterthantherearegrainsofsandonEarthand
moreTweetsthanthereareatomsintheknownuniverse.
Alright.Alright.
Ill
stop
with
the
hyperbole
and
fictional
statistics.
Instead,
let
me
just
say
there
are
a
lotofpeoplewithTwitteraccounts.
Eventhoughthesocialnetworkingsiteislessthanadecadeold,itsalreadybecomeanintegralpartof
ourculture. Atleastasintegralasdeath,taxes,andtherealizationthatSlashisneverreturningtoGuns
NRoses.
MostoftheTweetsemanatingfromfamoussingers,greatmusicians,andeliteMCshavetodowiththe
reasonsocialnetworkingsiteswereinventedinthefirstplace,tosellthings.
Afterpitchingalbums,concerttickets,andotherproducts,musicsuperstarsuseTwitterforavarietyof
reasons.
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Someuse
it
to
give
insight
to
their
fans
Othersuseittocomplainabouttherigorsoffame
bragabouttheirTwitteraccounts
discussmusic
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/ladygaga/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justin-timberlake-tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/pink/pinktickets.asp -
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orespouse
political
views
ThankstoTwitterwereabletoreadwhatsracingthroughafamousmusiciansmind
orlackthereof
Whatrulesmusttheserockandpopstarsfollow? Theresonlyone. Tweetsmustbe140charactersor
less. Thisrestrictionupsetssomedivas
butmostpersevereandusemultiplepoststotelltheirstory
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 9
Althoughnotdesignedfortwowaychatting,Twitterdoesallowartists,evenfromdiversemusical
backgrounds,tocommunicatewithoneanother
Besidesbeing140charactersorless,andemanatingfromthemindsofpopularmusicians,alltheTweets
inthisbookhaveoneotherthingincommon. Theyareallculledfromverifiedsources. Iftheaccount
didnthavethisbluecheck
itwasntusedinthisbook.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 1 0
Whenat
all
possible
Itried
to
use
Tweets
in
context.
For
example,
heres
aTweet
taken
out
of
context
IfyoudidntknowanybetteryoumightthinkCarlyRaehadaterrificnightwithagirlnamedRegina.
Whilethatsoundslikeagrandidea,ReginaisactuallyatowninCanadaandthesingerisreferringtoher
concert.
Personally,IdratherlistentomusicthanreadTweets. Inmyopinion,Twitterhastoquadrupleits
importancejusttobetrivial.
Evenwiththatbeingsaid,themicrobloggingsitehasvalue. Youcanuseittofollowyourfavorite
musiciansfornewsandbehindthescenesinformation. Oryoucanuseittotellthemhowmuchyou
liketheirmusic. Ifyoureluckytheymightevenrespond.
IwouldntexpectanyTwitteraccounttoalteryouropinionofaparticularartist. Chancesareverygood
thatTwitterwillonlyreinforceyourcurrentbeliefswithoneortwopossibleexceptions.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 1 1
Thisbook
isnt
an
in
depth
study
of
Tweets
by
pop
and
rock
stars.
Nor
is
it
aguide
about
which
recordingartistsyoushouldandshouldnotfollow.
Thisbookisnothingmorethanaquicksurveyofthebestandworst(mostlytheworst)ofwhatTwitter
hastoofferwhenitcomestoworldstopmusicians.
IdoubtanyTwitteraccountwillchangeyourlife,oryourtasteinmusic,butmostwillmakeyoulaugh.
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Your Mothers a WHORE!!!!
Singersdont
need
help
putting
their
feet
into
their
mouths.
Theyve
been
doing
that
long
before
the
adventofTwitterandwillcontinuetodosolongafterthemicrcobloggingsitegoesaway(ifthatever
happens).
OneofTwittersredeemingqualitiesishowitprovidesa140characterby140characteraccountofan
artistsrapiddescentintoselfdestruction.
InAugustof2012,rapperNickiMinajtooktoTwitterandlaunchedatiradethatwouldmakea
longshoremenblush.
Duetoaseverelystrainedvoice,MinajwasforcedtocancelatourofEurope. Sufficetosay,thebad
newswasnotwellreceived
TheTrinidadianbornrapperdidntstopthere
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Hereswhyshessoupset: MinajperformedtwiceonAug.14,onceinthemorningonNBCsTheToday
ShowandlaterthatnightattheRoselandBallroom.
TheperformancesoverworkedMinajsalreadybruisedvocalcordspromptinghertocancelseveral
datesintheUnitedKingdomincludinganappearanceattheVFestival.
Somecriticssuggestedthatsheshouldhavekepthercommitments,gonetoEurope,andlipsynced.
Ifindthesentimentthatsheshouldhavemimedherliveperformancesdisturbing. Therewasatime
inpopularmusicwhengettingcaughtlipsyncingwasabouttheworstthingasingercoulddo.
Nowadays,itsbecomingalegitimateperformancemechanism. Thatsverysad.
Bytheway,BarbziswhatMinajcallsherfans.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 1 4
Toaddinsulttoinjury,TheHollywoodReporter(THR)putherTwitterrantinastory:NickiMinaj
Berates,Curses
Fans
After
U.K.
Concerts
Cancellation.
Asyouwouldexpect,theBarbzquicklycametoMinajsrescueandexplainedthattheactualtargetof
herhypertextharanguewasthepress
MinajspenttherestofthedayreTweetingmessagesofsupportandderidingTheHollywoodReporter
ItsprobablyworthmentioningthatMinajisthemostfollowedrapperintheworldandoneofthemost
popularmusiciansinsocialmedia. SothoseclassyTweetsweretheoreticallyreadbymorethan14
millionpeople.
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Canyou
imagine
going
to
Minajs
Twitter
account
for
the
first
time
and
reading
this
TheissuehereisntwhetherornotMinajmadethewrongdecisionorevenifTheHollywoodReporter
lied. TheissueisMinajcanttakealittlecriticism. Iknowahealthissuewasinvolved,andthatsa
privatematter,butthecriticismMinajreceiveddidnotwarranttheoutragespewedbyherandThe
Barbz.
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Rest In Peace
LennyKravitz
released
his
first
album,
Let
Love
Rule,
in
1989.
Since
that
time,
the
singer,
songwriter,
andmultiinstrumentalisthasreleasedonegreatrockalbumafteranother.
Withoutadoubt,thesonofactressRoxieRokerandparttimeJazzpromoterSyKravitz,hasleftalasting
impressiononpopularmusic. AquicklookatKravitzsTwitteraccountandyoucansaythesamething
abouthisimpactonsocialmedia.
Kravitzisagoodfollow. HeTweetsregularlyandoftenattachesphotos. Hesaveryinterestingfellow
whosnotafraidtodropanameortwo
Bythe
way,
Kravitz
and
Slash
attended
Beverly
Hills
High
School
together.
WhatreallystandsoutaboutKravitzsTwitteraccountarentthetrialsandtribulationsofhiscareerbut
hispenchanttobeaharbingerofdoom.
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Forsome
reason,
Kravitz
never
lets
acelebrity
death
go
by.
ShermanHemsleydiedJuly24,2012fromcancer. TheactorisbestknownforplayingGeorge
JeffersonontheCBSsitcomTheJeffersons. Kravitzsmother,theaforementionedRoxieRoker,also
starredinthatshow. SheplayedHelenWillis.
RobinGibbpassedawayonMay20,2012. HecofoundedtheBeeGeeswithhisbrothersMauriceand
Barry. Hesuccumbedtoliverandkidneyfailure.
SinginglegendDonnaSummerlostherbattlewithlungcanceronMay17,2012. Summeriswidely
consideredtheQueenofDisco.
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MCAisthenomdeplumeofrapperandBeastieBoysfounderAdamYauch. HepassedawayonMay4,
2012attheageof47fromsalivaryglandcancer.
DonCorneliuscreatedthetelevisionshowSoulTrainandhosteditformorethan20years. He
committedsuicideonFeb.1,2012. Kravitzappearedonthemusic/danceprograminNovemberof
1991.
RapperHeavyD,whoserealnamewasDwightArringtonMyers,diedNov.9,2011fromapulmonary
embolism.
NickAshfordwasonehalfofthehusbandandwifesinging/songwritingteamAshford&Simpson. He
diedonAug.22,2011fromcomplicationsfromthroatcancer.
Thesinger,dancer,actress,andcivilrightsactivistdiedMay9,2010ofheartfailure. ThelegendaryLena
Hornewas92.
-
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MichaelJacksonpassedawayJune25,2009. TheKingofPopwas50yearsoldwhenhewaskilledbya
deadlycombinationofdrugs.
Kravitzdoesntkeephisobituariesconfinedtomusicians.
BoxerJoeFrazierwastheformerundisputedWorldHeavyweightChampion. KnownasSmokinJoe,
FrazierdiedNov.7,2011fromlivercancer.
PurvisYoungwasanartistwhopaintedandcreatedcollageswithfoundobjects. HediedonApril20,
2010fromcardiacarrestandpulmonaryedema.
Asyoucansee,naturaldisastersarealsoonKravitzsradar...
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Japanexperiencedanearthquake70milesoffitscoastonMarch11,2011. Itwasoneofthepowerful
earthquakeseverrecorded.
Kravitzdoesntlimithimselftosuddenandseveretragedies. Hellalsotweetsabouttheongoingplights
ofpeoplesallovertheworld.
Thereisoneupsidetothesingerspenchantforcalamity. Hesableinformhisfollowersaboutthe
healthoftheworldsmostimportantandsignificantperson
Kravitzssensitivityandcompassionaredefinitelyinharmonywithhismusic. Still,wedratherseemore
postslikethis
...orlikethis
thanlikethis
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 2 1
Kravitzhas
agreat
Twitter
account
but
sometimes
it
breaks
your
heart.
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Limp Bizkit Trending WORLDWIDE!
Forwhatever
reason,
there
are
rock
bands
that
despite
having
sold
millions
of
albums
over
along
period
oftimehavepickedupawfulreputations. ThesesnakebittenactsincludeNickelback,StoneTemple
Pilots,andLimpBizit.
L.B.sfrontman,FredDurst,seemstobeokaywiththat.
InAugustof2012,DursttoldaBritishmagazinethat[LimpBizkit]wereamomentintimeanditsover.
SometookthattomeanLimpBizkithadbrokenup. Theywerefinished. Done. Kaput.
TheBritishpublicationNewMusicalExpress,orNME,ranastorywiththeheadline:FredDurst:'Limp
Bizkitisover'. Eventhoughthearticle,initsthirdparagraph,saysthebandisNOTbreakingup,people
stillthoughttheBizithadpartedways.
Durst,andfellowbandmemberWesBorland,immediatelyTweetedthatrumorsofLimpBizitsdemise
weregreatlyexaggerated.
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Meanwhile,TwitterexplodedwithLimpBizittalk. UnfortunatelyforDurstandcompany,mostofitwas
negative. Nonetheless,hekeptastiffupperlip.
Then,thebackwardsbaseballcapwearingfrontmanwentontheoffensive
ButintheverynextTweethechangedhistune
WhathappenedwasbetweenthosetwoTweetsDurstactuallyreadthearticle. Hethenrealizedthe
rumorhadstartedbecausepeopleonlyreadtheheadlinenotbecauseofNMEsshoddyreporting.
Fromthearticle:singerhassaidthatalthoughthebandarenotsplittingup,theirpopularityhas
waned.
Thefollowingday,Mr.Durstwasabletolaughaboutthewholething.
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Themoralofthestoryisquiteclear. Beforeyoustartblastingsomeoneforstartingrumorsmakesure
youreadtheentirearticle.
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My Wees Are Neak
Rockand
Roll
dates
all
the
back
to
the
1940s.
It
acquire
its
name
in
the
1950s
and
then
took
the
nation
bystormafewyearslaterwhenpeoplestarteddancingtosongslikeRockAroundtheClockand
Maybellene.
Twitterwasinventedin2006.
Aftergettingoutthesextant,abacus,andslideruler,IfiguredoutthatrockandrollpredatedTwitterby
morethanhalfcentury.
Waiting50plusyearsforamicrobloggingsitetobeestablished,classicrockersdefinitelyhadalottosay
oncetheygottheirTwitteraccounts. TheyrevolutionizedsocialmedialiketheirsongsPurpleHaze,
StairwayTo
Heaven,
and
Wont
Get
Fooled
Again
revolutionized
popular
music.
Ifonlythatweretrue.
IftheTwitteraccountsofclassicrockers(andforthesakeofthischapterImusingthetermveryloosely)
wereactuallysongstheywouldntbeRocktheCasbahandTheGreatGigIntheSkytheydbePut
YourHeadonMyShoulderandYouLightUpMyLife.
Tweetsbyclassicrockersgenerallyfallintooneoftwocategories:SnoozevilleandSleepytown.
Worseyet,manyclassicrockersuseasessionTweeter.
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/yes/Yes-Tickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/bob-seger/bobsegertickets.asp -
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ItsnotfuntoreadsomethingthatwasobviouslywrittenbyaMagictheGatheringplayerworkingoutof
hisparents
basement.
OneofthemostcommontypesofTweetsemployedbyclassicrockersisannouncingupcominggigsor
appearances. Musiciansofallerasdothisbutnoonedoesitwiththebanalityofrockselder
statesmen
Classicrockersalsolovethegoodolddays. Whenyouvebeenaroundaslongassometheseguysand
galsyouhavealotofstoriestotell.
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/paulmccartney/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/rod-stewart/Rod-Stewart-Tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/elton-john/Elton-John-Tickets.htm -
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ClassicrockersalsolovethereTweetespeciallyTomPetty. Mostofhispostsareheartbreakers
CheapTrickdoesnothingputsharelinkstopictures. Thismakestheiraccountaboutasfunasa
MidnightOilalbum
EricClaptonmightbeGodbuthisTwitteraccountisadog(seewhatwedidthere). Allhedoesispost
linkstoYouTubevideos. Worstyet,thelinksaretohisownvideosnottocutekittensoraskateboarder
landingontheircrotch
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Afew
baby
boomers
will
go
rogue
and
actually
post
whats
on
their
mind
but
these
freewheelin
Tweets
usuallyrangefromtheboring
tothereallyboring
totheboringest.
Somesoundlikeacrotchetyoldman
orasenileoldman
oradirtyoldman
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oranoldmanwhocantstoptalkingabouthismedicalproblems
Somejustsoundlikedadtryingtobefunnyonalongfamilyroadtrip
Thereareafewoldtimerswhohavebeenabletolearnnewticks. WepickedonRingoStarrearlierbut
hisTwitteraccountisnthalfbad
GeneSimmons
can
be
pithy
too.
Not
only
that,
but
Ilike
his
taste
in
television
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OneofmyfavoriteclassicrockersonTwitterisBillyIdol(ItoldyouIwasusingthetermclassicrock
loosely). HecaughtmyattentionbecausehisTweetswerelikeahistorylesson. Notanindepth
accountabouthisdayswithGenerationX,butanactualhistorylesson
TheGratefulDeadsangwhatalong,strangetripitsbeen. Thatscertainlytrueofrockandrollbut
deadwrongwhenitcomestotheirTwitteraccounts.
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Id Tap That
March26,
2012
is
aday
that
will
live
in
infamy.
ItwastheonedayMadonnaappearedonTwitter.
TheMaterialGirljoinedthemicrobloggingsitetopromoteherlatestalbum,MDNA. Needlesstosay,it
wasriveting
(that
sarcastic
quip
is
directed
at
her
Twitter
account
not
her
album).
Whatwassupposedtobejustonedayactuallyturnedintoacoupleofweeks
WhyMadonnaisntapermanentmemberoftheTwitterverseisanyonesguess. Perhapsthesocial
networkingsitegoesagainstKabbalah.
MadonnaisnotonTwitteranymorebutherheirapparent,LadyGaga,certainlyis. Gagawasthefirst
memberofourspeciestoattract20millionfollowers. ShereachedthatmarkinMarchof2012.
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Apparentlythough,
more
70
percent
of
her
followers
are
fakes.
SayingmorethantwothirdsofsomeonesTwitterfollowersarefakeislikesayingtwothirdsofBigFoot
sightingsareunreliable.
DispersionswerecastuponMotherMonstersTwitteraccountbythesocialmediacompanyStatue
People. TheyconductedastudythatrevealednearlythreeoutoffourLadyGagaTwitterfollowersare
bogus.
Evenifthatstrue,shestillhasahugeflockoffaithfulfans.
Andthosefanslovetobuythings.
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Ofcourse,allartistsuseTwittertopromotealbumsandsellconcerttickets. However,LadyGagaand
herfellowdivasusetheservicetosellanotherproductthatsnotrelatedtotheirmusicalendeavors.
AlotofdivasuseTwittertomovealotofperfume.
Itsamazinghowmanydivashavetheirownfragrance.
Ifsomeonecanfindawaytotransmitsmellovertheinternettheydmakeafortune.
WhendivasarentchirpingabouttheirlatestfragrancestheyreTweetingaboutbeingpregnant
ornotbeingpregnant
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..orbeing
pregnant
with
alien
spawn
orhownottogetpregnant
SpeakingofKe$ha,shehasquitetheinterestingTwitteraccount. Afterall,sheistomusicwhatTwitter
istoliterature.
IdhavetosaythatonTwitter,Ke$hasmostendearingqualityisherhonesty
andherabilitytobevulnerable
Andlikeallgoodmicrobloggersshehatestheundead
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3 5
Aquickaside,Ke$hacallsherfansanimals. SheisNOTazooowner.
Imentionthistosaveyouanembarrassingphonecalltothehumanesociety.
Speakingofembarrassing,whatabouttheeventrevealedinthesethreeconsecutiveDemiLovato
Tweets
ImdyingtoknowifLovatoisawareofthePaulisDeadrumor. Ifshesnotmaybetheresanewrock
androlljoketobehad. HeyDad,wasPaulMcCartneyrumoredtobedeadbeforeDemiLovatoalmost
ranhimover?
Iwouldhavekeptmybaddrivingtomyself. Iwouldhavealsokeptthis
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3 6
andthis
andthis
tomyselftoo.
Sometimesdivastrytobedeep
orwellread
ormedical
orpolitical
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3 7
Asyoucanseetheresultsvary. Bytheway,JewelisntevenclosetocorrectontheamountofU.S.debt
ownedbyChina(itsactually$1.6trillion).
Unfortunatelyforthedivas,oneoftheirownisresponsiblefortheworstTwitteraccountofalltime
(andthatssayingsomething).
.
KimberlyColereleasedherfirstalbum,BadGirlsClub,in2010. Shehasmorethanamillionandhalf
followersbutforsomereasonshepostsmoreTweetslikethis
.thanlikethis
Itslike
the
singer
and
her
people
looked
at
Lady
Gagas
Twitter
account
and
said
to
themselves
in
order
tobeaworldclasspopstaryouneedtensofmillionsoffollowers.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3 8
Sotoaccomplishthatgoal,ColehiredamarketingguruwhosuggestedsheturnherTwitteraccountinto
LetsMakeADeal.
Coleisobviouslyrunningeverycheapployinthebooktoattractfollowers. WeallknowTwitterisa
marketingtool,butthosekindofTweetsshouldbesubtle,likethis
notlikethis
Kim,ifyouwanttensofmillionsoffollowersquitthegiveawaysandthewantafollow?stuffand
releaseahalfwaydecentalbum.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3 9
Transparent Hypocrisy
Thefollowing
entries
from
popular
musicians
are
some
of
the
funniest
standalone
Tweets
the
internet
haseverseen. MostoftheseneednointroductionbutsinceIgetpaidbythewordtheyregoingtoget
oneanyway.
WebeginwithColinMeloyofTheDecembristswhoremindsusthatcabinisafunnyword
Sometimes,Tweetsarefunnybecauseofwhowrotethem
CantyoujusthearJessicaSimpsonsayingIloveyouWillieNelsonattheGrandOleOpry,theCMA
Awards,orhissentencinghearing?
Ke$shajustcallsthemlikesheseesthem
WherewouldachapteraboutfunnytweetsbewithoutthewitandwitticismoftheMarkTwainof
bubblegumpop,oneMs.KatyPerry
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 0
Anothersourceofcomedyispoliicaltheory
MyfriendsandIalwaysargueoverwhichisworsetransparenthypocrisyoropaquehypocrisy.
ThankheavensIfinallyhavesomeoneonmysideofthedebate.
Sometimesrockstarsbreakdownthedifferencesbetweenthesexes
Whileotherssettherecordstraightonfashion
EveryonceinawhileamusicianwillTweetsomethingthatsintentionallyamusing
butmostofthetimetheyTweetsomethingthatsaccidentlyfunny. OnceagainwegotoMeloy
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 1
OfcoursewegetyouColinbecausePaulcouldntplayaninstrument,sing,writesongs,andhewasugly.
Youretotallyright,PaulMcCartneywouldhavebeennothingwithoutJohnLennon. Hilarious.
Ifyoureabigsuperstaryoucanhavepeoplewritejokesforyou. CheckoutthisjestfromtheBiebs
Ha!Ha!Ha! LikethereareladiesinIdaho! Ah,JustinyourCanadiansenseofhumorkillsme.
Humorousstoriesareanothergoodsourceofhumor. Thisismyfavorite
OurlaststandaloneTweetisfunnyforseveralreasons,mostnotablyforitscolorfulspellingandthefact
thatshewas19yearsoldwhenshewroteit
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 2
WE WORK HARD
Twittershould
be
ano
brainer
for
Justin
Bieber.
Having
been
born
in
1994,
The
Biebs
is
the
perfect
age
forthemircobloggingsite. Infact,heprobablycantrememberatimewhentherewasntsocialmedia.
YoudthinkhisentireTwitteraccountwouldreadlikeadiarybelongingtoyourtypicalhormonedriven
teenagerwhohasmoremoneythanGod.
WhiletheBiebshasafewtweetsthatseemtocomefromthemindofahornyadolescent,themajority
ofhisaccountcouldhavebeenwrittenbyTonyRobbins.
Amazingly,theteenheartthrobpostsoneplatitudefilledTweetafteranother
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 3
ImsureIspeakforeveryonewhenIwritethatthebestsourcesofinspirationarealwaysinsanely
successfulsingerswhowerediscoveredonYouTubeattheageof14andwhoreleasedtheirfirstalbum
attheageof15.
Afterall,Bieberstruggledformonthsbeforehittingthebigtime. Hismeteoriticclimbupthestepladder
ofsuccesshasdefinitelyprovidedhimwiththewisdomandpatiencetomentortheworld
Whenhesnotencouragingotherstoreachtheirgoals,hestoutingthemeritsofhardwork. Thismakes
perfectsensesinceteenagersareknownfortheirworkethic.
IdontdoubtthatBieberworkshardandthathesearnedallofhissuccess. Hesverytalentedtoo. But
thekidgotreallyluckyandIquestionifhestheidealcandidatetospewadviceonlifeandcareer.
Thenagain,ifyourehisagemaybehisattitudeandambitionareinspirational.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 4
Afterall,hisTwitteraccountisfarmorepertinentandmaturethanthosebelongingtohisfellow
teenagers(andfellowpopstarsforthatmatter).
IfullyadmitthatifTwitterhadbeenaroundwhenIwashisagemypostswouldnthavebeenoptimistic
butsnide,snarky,andfullofwaytoomanyBaywatchrelatedhashtags.
IdjustliketoseethekidpostmoreTweetslikethis
thenlikethis
Bottomline,IbelieveBiebershouldTweetlikeateenagerandnotlikea40yearoldlifecoach.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 5
Love You Scary
Loveis
one
of
the
most
frequently
used
words
in
popular
music.
From
Puppy
Love
to
Love
Hurts
theemotionhasbeentheinspirationforthousandsofsongs.
Incommonspeech,loveisoftenusedasaverbtoexpressahighlevelofattraction. Forexample,I
LOVEthedidgeridoo, ILOVEaccordionmusic,ILOVESeanCombsnewnickname.
ItsonlylogicalthatthewordlovewouldfinditswayontoTwitter. Whilealotoffamoussingersused
thewordintheirTweets,asbothaverbandanoun,nooneusesitmorethanMileyCyrus.
Ihaventcountedthenumberoftimesshehasusedthewordlove
oritsalternativespelling
orthe
heart
symbol
onTwitter,butsufficetosayitsalot.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 6
Frommy
extensive
reading
of
hundreds
of
Twitter
accounts
Ican
say
with
confidence
that
no
one
uses
thewordlovemorethanMiley.
Sheusesittodescribeeverything. Fromherfondnessformusicvideos
tomanufacturedgirlgroups
toherfavoritedayoftheweek.
IthinkitssafetosayMileyRayCyruslovesthewordlove.
WhyisMileysoinfatuatedwithlove?
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 7
Coulditbebecauseshefrequentlysingsaboutlove?
Idontknow. ThatswhyImasking. Doesshesingalotaboutlove? Ihavenoidea. Likemostpeople
oldenoughtorememberatimewhenMTVplayedmusicvideosIveneveractuallyheardaMileyCyrus
song.
Obviously,noteveryMileyTweetmentionsamore
Butthe
overwhelming
majority
of
her
posts
do.
WhatwedoknowforcertainisMileyloveslovebutshehateslike.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 8
The Friendliest Flower
IusedtothinkKatyPerrywasjustapopstarwithaslightfetishforBritishguys. ThenIstartedreading
herTweets. IquicklyrealizedthattheIKissedAGirlsingerismuchmorethananentertainer. Shes
alsoaphilosopher.
Perrymaynotdisplayherkeenphilosophicalinsightsinthelyricsofhersongsbutshecertainlydoeson
Twitter.
In140charactersorless,Perryfrequentlyflexeshermentalmusclesandprovesshesoneofher
generationsbest
thinker
peoples
Perrynot
only
teaches
with
her
cerebral
opines,
she
makes
you
think...
Imeanreallythink
Perryseruditepredilectionsincludeworkinexistentialism
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 4 9
epistemology
andromanticcomedies
OnTwitter,Perrynotonlywaxesphilosophicallybutsheasksthedifficultquestions. Questionsthat
have
befuddled
the
brightest
intellects
andperplexedtheacumenoftodaysswiftestgeniuses
KatyPerrys2010album,TeenageDream,producedfivenumberonesingles"CaliforniaGurls",
"TeenageDream","Firework","E.T."and"LastFridayNight(T.G.I.F.). Theonlyotheralbumtoachieve
thisfeatwasMichaelJacksonsBad. AsgreatasPerrysalbumis,itsstillnotasthoughtprovokingas
or
Ergo,wecansaybeyondashadowofadoubtthatKatherynElizabethHudsonismuchbetteratmind
thinkingthantherestofus
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 0
Touch,KatyPerry. Touch.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 1
Smiling To A Racist Man
50Cents
twitter
account
could
have
gone
one
of
two
ways.
Itcouldhavegoneverydark. Afterall,50Centsmotherdiedwhenhewasveryyoung. Heusedtosell
drugs. AndhesbeeninfeudswithabunchofrappersincludingNas,RickRoss,andTheGame.
Oritcouldhavegoneverypositive. Afterall,50CentescapedthetoughneighborhoodofSouthJamaica
tobecomeasuccessfulrapper,actor,andbusinessman. Healsoskirteddeath. OnMay24,2000he
wasshotninetimes,onceintheface,andlived. Abrushwithdeathcanchangeaman.
Sowhatdirectionhas50CentsTwitteraccounttaken,thehatefulandangrypathortheupliftingand
inspirationalroute?
Itmayseemcounterintuitivetoallthehatersouttherebut50Cent,whooncereleasedasongtitledIllStillKill,hasthefeelgoodTwitteraccountoftheyear.
OnTwitter,50Centisabonafidegangster. HestheGodfatherofamobcalled#SMILEGANG.
50Cents#SMILEGANGmakestheJetsandSharksfromWestSideStorylookliketheBloodandCrips.
Iwonderifitssmileinandsmileout?
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 2
Itscertainlyanicesentiment. Weneedmoresmilingintheworld.
Manyofhisfollowershavejoinedhis#SMILEGANG. HereareafewTweetsfromhisacolytes
Still,50Centisarapperandeveryonceinawhile,inbetween#SMILEGANGTweets,youllfind
somethinglikethis
Theotherinterestingaspectof50CentsTwitteraccountishisuseofmultipleTweetstotellastory
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 3
Heresanotheronethatsalittlehardertofollowbutthatsprobablyagoodthing
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 4
Regardlessofhowmuch,orhowlittle,youenjoy50CentsmusicfollowinghimonTwitterissureto
makeyoursmile.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 5
The Importance of World Water Day
Formore
than
adecade,
singer
Mandy
Moore
has
entertained
millions
of
fans
with
songs
like
and
andthentherestheslowone
Okay,IcantnameasingleMandyMooresongoranyofhersixalbums. IfIhadtoguessIdsayoneis
calledManyMooresincealmosteveryartisthasatleastoneselftitledrelease.
Moores
greatest
musical
achievement
is
marrying
Ryan
Adams.
Hes
one
of
his
generations
greatest
talents.
MooresgreatestsocialnetworkingachievementishavingtheworldsmostbombasticTwitteraccount.
IntheTwitterverse,theAmericanpopsingercomesacrosslikeapretentioustwit.
Therearegoingtobealotofcausesandcharitiesmentionedinthischapter. InnowayamIdispariging
thoseorganizations,theworktheydo,orthepeopletheyhelp. Also,celebritiesmentioncharitiesall
thetimeandthatsfine. WhatImsaying,andwhatyoullcometorealizeasthischapterprogresses,is
Mooredoesitinawaythatmakesyourollyoureyes.
MandyMooresTwitteraccountisthesocialmediaequivelentofplacingtheNewYorkerand
ArchitecturalDigestonyourcoffeetableeventhoughyoureadUSWeeklyandPeopleinthecan.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 6
IvenevermetMandyMoore. ShecouldbearealdowntoEarthwoman,butherTweetsareas
ostentatiousasRadioheadrecordingsession.
Again,alotofsingersmentioncharities,buttheydosoinawaythatsendearing. WhenMoore
mentionsacharity
or
cause
its
like
shes
that
blonde
student
from
the
NBC
sitcom
Community.
NotallofMooresTweetsarerelatedtoaltruism...
butmostofthemare
EvenwhensheTweetsabouttelevisionshesselfaggrandizing
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 7
MandyMoorewasbornin1984. Shewontbeoldenoughtoevenwatch60Minutesuntil2044.
Homeland? Really? WasDowntownAbbeynotavailableonNetflixthatday?
NooneactuallywatchesHomelandespeciallywhentheyresick. ComeonM.M.justadmitit. Youwere
catchinguponDropDeadDivaandwatchingsomethingwiththewordsTheRealHousewivesofin
thetitle.
SheevensoundspretentiouswhenTweetingaboutmusic
Notonly
does
Mandy
mention
an
obscure
Drive
By
Truckers
song
but
she
does
so
without
naming
the
band. ItslikewereautomaticallysupposedtoknowwhorecordedDanko/Manuel.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 8
TheaboveTweetisthefirsttimeanyoneintheWesternworldhasusedthewordsjamandJoni
Mitchellinthesamesentence.
ImsureMandyisdoinggreatcharityworkeventhoughsomeofhercausesarebitoutthere
ThepercentageoftheEarthcoveredinwateris70.9. Isshetryingforaneven71?
LeaveittoMandyMooretomakeprosaicholidayssoundhaughty
AquickMandyMooreimpersonation:EnjoytheSuperBowlandsupportyourfavoriteteambyhelping
topreventwhoopingcough.
SomeoneneedstotellMoorethatitsokaytomentioncharitiesbutitsalittleuncouthtomentionyour
charitableworks.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 5 9
Charitableworksarelikeattendingaprofessionalwrestlingevent. Itsokaytogobutyoushouldnever
talkaboutitunlesssomeonebringsitupfirst.
HerTwitter
account
isnt
all
bad.
She
is
afan
of
UFC.
IwishshedTweetmoreaboutmixmartialarts. Shesquiteknowledgeableonthesubject.
Notonlythat,butTweetingaboutafightersgroundgamemakesheraccountfarmoreinterestingthan
stufflikethis
WhileIseemtobelayingitonratherthick,IshouldprobablydisclosethattheonlycharitablethingIdo
onadailybasisisputondeodorant.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 6 0
Onceagain,
her
charities
are
great
and
kudos
to
her
for
being
such
an
active
activist.
However,
if
youre
apoporrockstarandyouwanttotalkaboutyoursocialworkonasocialnetwork
Ihighlyrecommend
youleaveittotheprofessionals.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 6 1
P.S. Im FINE
TaylorSwifts
Twitter
account
is
quite
unique.
LikeJustinBieber,SwiftistheperfectageforTwitterbutyoucanttellbyreadingherposts.
Okay,maybenotthatone. TheaboveTweetisexactlywhatyoudexpectfromayouthfulsongstress
withtheworldinthepalmofhersupplehand. However,manyofherTweetsreadlikeanepistolary
novel.
ForsomereasonherTweetshavethesamelyricalqualityasthelettersinaJaneAustennovel.
Itdoesnt
take
much
imagination
to
turn
Taylor
into
acharacter
from
Pride
and
Prejudice.
CantyoujustpicturethestatuesqueblondesittingatawritingtableinsideacharmingEnglishmanor?
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 6 2
Withquill
pen
in
hand
our
heroine
writes
aletter
to
adear
friend
while
someone
sounding
alot
like
EmmaThompsonnarrates
Iforonehavetofighttheurgetorespond.
DearestTaylor:veryhappytohearofyourpleasanttravels.Ilookforwardtoseeinguinafortnight.Wellhavetea&biscuits.BTW,Fearlessrocks.Goodnight.
DearestTaylor:gladtoreadyourtimeinNewSouthWalesisgoingswimmingly.HopeUcanreturn2NetherfieldParksoon. MrBingley2throwparty#Pemberley
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 6 3
DearestTaylor:ThrilledbeyondbeliefyouperformedwithMr.Nelly. Hesanexquisitegentleman.Mumsendsherluv@LadyCatherinethanxforbangers&mash
Sorry,Imseekingpsychiatrichelpaswespeak.
Youhave
to
admit
that
the
Love
Story
singer
has
adistinctive
and
charming
cadence
to
her
Tweets.
Withjustalittleimagination,TaylorsTweets,whichareproductsofthe21stcentury,cansoundlike
lettersfromthe19th.
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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 6 4
Roach Hotel California
Wellgive
Weird
Al
Yankovic
the
last
word
on
pop
and
rock
stars
on
Twitter.
Before
we
do,
lets
give
thecrownprinceofparodyachancetoriffonrockandroll
Okay,hereitis. TheverylastTweetofthebook.
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WhenitcomestopopularmusiciansTweetingtheirmostintimateandmundanethoughtswethink
WeirdAlsumsitupbest
Amentothat.