Young Eisenhart Cops 2007 FHBP! Student-athlete declared ineligible by FHBP Board of Directors in order to preserve eligibility Colderthanhell, ON (CBC) Thomas Eisenhart, freshman forward for the Georgia Southern Bulldogs men’s soccer team, parlayed a 13-bowl win streak beginning with the Motor City bowl and ending with the Music City bowl into victory in the

THE

FRANCIS ENQUIRERBecause C.S. Van DorenStill Wants To Know Who Sucked in the PoolVolume 18, January 2008

Wonders of the Universe!Flooded Bayou, LA. CNN. Notorious pranksters Wes Roehl and Steve Olson twice shocked physics students at Harvard University and the Nebraska College of Salt Water and BiofuelTechnology this past Tuesday. First, by reporting that they had captured a heretofore never seen visage of the moon using high altitude technology, and then by exposing students to the actual image (right). Roehl, the Extinguished Professor and Head of the Temple Centre for Tourism and Physics research, noted that the digital capability of Story continued on page 107

2007 FHBP. Eisenhart held off determined though very predictable rivals Eric Bohard, Randy Virden and Andrew Kerins, each of whom were within easy striking distance for the lead, but foolishly picked only favored teams in each of the last five bowls. “They’re all morons!” declared Eisenhart in his victory speech. “Heck, I wasn’t evenborn when the FHBP was founded in 1984 and I still won in my first try. That gives me the same total victories as

Sue Hastings Bishop Honoured by FSUGig ‘em Rapids, MI (UPI) As reported to SPREnet by her colleague Matt Wagenheim, the FHBP and Francis Enquirer extend congratulations to Department of Recreation, Leisure Services and Wellness chair Sue Hastings-Bishop who was named Ferris State University's Women of the Year for 2007. She also received a merit award for “successfully overcoming the limitations of her husband”, one Evil Glen Bishop.

Stunning image of moon from a plane!

PREP: Coastal Georgia Rovers Club team was semi-finalist at 2006 Georgia State Cup... Named club Player of the Year... Member of the Georgia state ODP team... Played for coach Chad Prosser at Statesboro HS where he was a four-year letterman and two-year captain... Named Blue Devils’ MVP as sophomore, junior and senior... Member, National Honors Society.PERSONAL: Born September 12, 1988 in Norman, OK, son of Henry & Nanette Eisenhart.MAJOR: Chemistry

Thomas EisenhartForward 6-0 175 Fr. Statesboro, GA

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mutter, Bigley, Morgan, Knopick and Roehl combined, unless you also count Knopick’s dead cat.” Eisenhart’strash talk was quickly silenced by an NCAA Inquiry launched by UCLA head coach and anti-football pool activist Rick Neuheisel. NCAA President Miles Brand backed Neuheisel’s assertion that Eisenhart would lose his eligibility if he accepted the $41 US and $12 CDN in FHBP prize money. FHBP CEO Mark Havitz attempted to intervene on the poverty-stricken student’s behalf but was quickly shot down by Brand. “Listen Havitz, I fired your ass when I was president at the University of Oregon and did the same to Diane Samdahl who was a far better scholar than you. Then I moved to Indiana and canned Bobby Knight and I’m about to fire Bud Selig, George W. Bush and Donald Trump, so back down and shut up!” Havitz did both.

Neuheisel noted that Brand’s ruling preserved the stellar 6-12 record of the 2007 GSU Bulldog men’s soccer team who lost to Clemson, Western Illinois, Charleston and NC State, but whipped international powers Wofford and Appalachian State. The FHBP’scub reporter Steve Holland added that this action probably kept Eisenhart from being lynched by angry Bulldog students as “few things are more embarrassing than losing by forfeit to App State, other than maybe losing to the team that lost to them. Trust me, I know.”

After scanning the 2007 FHBP standings for a worthy stand-in, the Board of Directors decided to award the cash prize to Brenda Bigley who, though ranked 59th

had more credibility than any higher ranked suitor. A full account of 2007 results begins on page 17.

Model Elle MacPherson strips off and gets a piece of the surf actionby DONNA McCONNELL - Last updated at 11:19am on 27th December 2007

Model Elle MacPherson clearly isn't the shy type as she stripped off in a beach car park to indulge in a spot of her favourite sport - surfing. The model known as 'The Body' arrived at the beach rather sparingly dressed in a bottom-skimming sweater and fashionable Ugg boots after heading back to Oz to be with friends and family. But soon she had stripped off, and poured herself into a shorts-style wetsuit, ready to hit some waves in Sydney. Elle revealed her still enviable shape as she spent her Christmas holiday maintaining her fabulous body with a spot of surfing.

Legs eleven: Elle reveals her enviable legs as the supermodel arrived at a Sydney beach for a surfing lesson dressed in a sweater and Ugg boots.

Quick change: Elle pours herself into a shorts-style wetsuit after whipping off her clothes in the beach car park.

The Australian model was joined by her brother Ben, who helped her zip-up her wetsuit, as the mother of two did a quick change in the beach car park. Elle, 44, is taking surf instruction from Californian ex-world surfing champion, Rusty Miller, who is now settled in Australia. Miller has been her instructor in Byron Bay a couple of months ago and Elle brought him to Sydney for a surfing holiday with her children. The supermodel and lingerie entrepreneur is said to have rented a property in Australia's Palm Beach resort for herself and two sons by ex-fiancé Arpad Busson, Flynn, nine; and Cy, four; for the family holiday.

Continued on next page…

Journalistic Plagiarism? San Diego, CA (AP). The world was fixated last month by Elle MacPherson’s exploits. But we at the Francis Enquirersee too many parallels between the story in the London Daily Mail (left) and our story (right). You be the judge.

Professor Mark Havitz strips off and gets a piece by BRIAN KARP – Last updated at 4:35 a.m on 27th November 1998

Professor Mark Havitz clearly isn’t the shy type as he stripped off in a beach car park to indulge in a spot of his 20th favourite sport - surfing. The professor known to students worldwide as 'The Body, The Brains, Oh My Gawd!' arrived at the beach rather sparingly dressed in a pair of Frank Shorter spandex and almost fashionable shoes after heading to Oz with his wife, daughter and some extended family. But soon he had stripped off, and poured himself into a shorts-style wetsuit, ready to hit some waves in Byron. Mark revealed his still enviable shape as he spent his sabbatical holiday maintaining his fabulous body with a spot of surfing before heading off to a research conference with the famous Graham Brown.

Quick change: Miller pours his brother-in law into a bulge-enhancing wetsuit after Havitz whipped off his clothes in the beach car park.

Chest ten: Mark reveals his enviable pecs and biceps as the superprof arrived at a Byron beach for a surfing lesson in running spandex and K-Mart loafers.

Brian Karp’s Celebrity Sightings Page Welcome to the see and be seen scene!

The American ex-patriot professor was joined by his wife Sue, who helped him zip-up his wetsuit, as the author of dozens of manuscripts did a quick change in the beach car park. Havitz, 41, is taking surf instruction from his brother-in-law Californian ex-world surfing champion, Rusty Miller, who is now settled in Australia. Miller has been his instructor in Byron Bay since yesterday and Mark later brought him to Lismore to hear a ground-breaking tourism planning paper by Graham P. Brown. The superprof and lingerie entrepreneur is said to have rented a property in Australia's Rosy Palm Beach resort for himself wife Sue and daughter Niki, seven; for the family holiday as Sue’s fear of spiders kept them from staying with Rusty and her sister Tricia in the nearby

Continued on next page…

But rumoured new love, Bryan Adams was nowhere to be seen. Elle is said to have been romancing the Canadian rocker for around a month. The pair were reportedly seen sharing a passionate kiss at a private party Bryan hosted on last month following the launch of Bryan's exhibition of photographic portraits, 'Modern Muses', at London members' club The Hospital. Since splitting from Arpad in July 2005, Elle - who was previously married to fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon, who she divorced in 1989 - has been romantically linked to British actor Ray Fearonand Australian restaurateur David Evans.

Surfing queen: Supermodel Elle turns action girl as she looks the part on her surfboard.

Surfing king: Stud prof Mark turns action figure as he looks the part on his surfboard.

Surf buddies: Elle with surf instructor Rusty Miller, left, and brother Ben, far right, on a Sydney beach.

Surf buddies: surf instructor Rusty Miller, left, and his niece Niki right, search for Mark’s body on a Byron beach.

Retrieved 19 January 2008 from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/showbiz/showbiznews.html?in_article_id=504498&in_page_id=1773

Single life: Elle is enjoying a family holiday in Sydney with her sons but rumoured new love, Canadian Rocker, Bryan Adams is nowhere to be seen.

Married life: Mark (with bodyguard) enjoyed a family holiday on a cash crop farm in Michigan but rumoured flame, Canadian Rocker, Bryan Adams is nowhere to be seen.

Jungle. But rumoured new love, Bryan Adams was nowhere to be seen. Havitz is said to have been romancing the Canadian rocker for around a month. The pair were reportedly seen sharing a passionate kiss at a private party Bryan hosted on last month following the launch of Bryan's exhibition of photographic portraits, ‘Pre-Modern Muses', at Kyle Field. Since marrying Sue in October 1996, Mark - who was previously secretly married to recreation marketer Jill Decker, who he divorced in 1987 - has been romantically linked to British actress Posh Spice, librarian Kathy Spence Wicks, tourism professor C. S. Van Doren, budding actress Ellen DeGeneres, and American restaurateur Ronald McDonald.

The Last Word: From London’s Daily Telegraph

Then: FHBP paparazzi extraordinaire Graham Paul Brown captured Mark and Sue (nee Shantz) Havitz with their families dining in the jungle after Havitz’s stunning Byron Bay surfing performance in November 1998. Havitz’s brother-in-law Rusty Miller (front right) and his wife Tricia Shantz (front left) hosted this gala affair. Celebrity kids Jeremy Brown and Niki (nee DeVeto) Havitz are seated at the back of the table.

Now: Rusty Miller hangs with his latest high profile client Elle MacPherson and her boys following some serious surfing on the beaches near Sydney. Miller noted that “this is the largest media crush I’ve had since my brother-in-law Havitz visited Australia in 1998. Next year I’m hoping to score bigger celebs, like Wes Roehl and Katie Bigley.”

Closing Arguments (OK, we admit we just can’t let this one go):

Winter scene at Central Washington University

The Campus BeautifulInspiration for these next two pages came from the surreal beauty in the CWU photo (right) sent by Mark Pritchard. We solicited pics from everyone still on campus, but only heard back from Graham Brown and Mark Havitz (so don’t blame us for that extra page of photos from Michigan State).

Summer scene at the University of South Australia [in Adelaide] “I am

not sure if this qualifies as a ‘beautiful’campus shot. It is from our City West

campus where I am located and shows our open air lectures theatre

that also serves as a skate park”. Submitted by Graham Brown

The understated genius of Clare Gunn: In late 2007 I had a delightful e-mail exchange with long-retired, but still vibrant professor Clare Gunn. Inspiration for this conversation was a visit by Graham Brown this past fall in which Clare and Graham were reminiscing over some old tourism planning materials. When Graham laid eyes on a book of pen and ink sketches that Clare had published while an undergraduate at Michigan State in 1940, he knew just the person who would most appreciate a copy!

For your enjoyment, I’ve scanned (above) the cover and inside jacket page of the book, along with one of the several dozen drawings that he completed. Below I have juxtaposed the ink drawing he did in 1940 of MSC’s Beaumont Tower (located at the center of campus and site of the first building in the United States dedicated exclusively to the scientific teaching of agriculture) with a contemporary photo from the MSU Web site. Bravo Dr. Gunn!

Ron McCarville and Clare Gunn at the 2002 Cromptonfest Celebration.

West Virginia's interim coach Bill Stewart got the ride of his football life after his Mountaineers beat

Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/bowls/

2008-01-03-west-va-oklahoma-fiesta-bowl_N.htm

Stupid Aggie Tricks!Bill Stewart leaves Illinois!

“Pictured here are my 17 year old daughter Kalieand I attending the Holiday Bowl. Unfortunately the game didn’t turn out the way we wanted, but we had a great time in San Diego.” – Randy Virden

Another reason to despise teasips!

Bill and Yumiko Stewart hosted the Havitz family in Urbana-Champaign this past summer. Photo by Niki DeVeto Havitz

What foresight! Steve Holland sent this “Hay Gator” photo beforethe 2008 Capital One Bowl. Looks like road kill to us!

Gig ‘em, y’all! Jim Bigley and Mark Morgan displayed some true Aggie spirit during their visit this past year. We can see both of Jim’s hands,

but the placement of Mark’s right is a mystery.

Enquirer paparazzi and reporter Brian Hay sent this definitive answer to the question: “What do Scotsmen wear under their kilts?” Based on what appears to be Ramsey tartan, we believe the piper is Denny Howard.

Bodily Functions Page!

Why Men Prefer to Retire in Dixie“Perhaps brother McCarville and/or other marketing/ branding aces may comment on this home-operated business venture sign in a nearby community. Only thing I can figure on this (from a marketing perspective) is that, traditionally, the waxing and tanning salon business has pretty much been a female directed service business, at least around here. If however, one (evidently named ‘Jenny’in this case) wanted to attract the male market, what better come on (so to speak) than advertising BJ's in addition to the waxes and tans? I thought this sort of thing is illegal, butI guess not in rural Georgia.” – Submitted by Jim Bigley

Citizen extraordinaire Wes Roehl contemplates Republican candidate choices on the eve of the New Jersey caucuses.

Truth is Stranger than Fiction: The Mutter Museum!“If you haven't already finished the Francis Enquirer, I have a late addition - the Mutter Museum. It's a medical museum in Philadelphia with all kinds of preserved oddities. I've never met Larry Mutter, so I feel a little guilty passing it along. But humor at his expense seems to be generally encouraged, so I thought this might be good ammo.” – FHBP Cub Reporter Andrew Kerins

The Mutter Museum’s one-of-a-kind treasures include: The plaster cast of the torso of world-famous Siamese Twins, Chang & Eng, and their conjoined livers (left); Joseph Hyrtl's collection of skulls; preserved body of the "Soap Lady“; a collection of 2,000 objects extracted from people's throats; and the cancerous growth removed from President Grover Cleveland! Please! Make the fun stop!

Lest you think we made this up, please visit: http://www.collphyphil.org/mutter_hist.htmChang & Eng or Mutter & Knopick?

The Mutter/Knopick/Bohard PageFrom Mutter: “The winning picks have been sealed and will be mailed tomorrow (Monday, December 17) from Naples, FL. Unfortunately, the envelope being mailed has been sullied by the presence of another set of predictions from Judy and her dad (their nickname this year is “DD”for dad and daughter). By virtue of their participation in the FHBP, they are also my sworn enemies and I hate them as much as everyone else. In fact, I told Judy that she will not be ‘getting any’ until late on the night of January 7, and that's only if I am feeling ‘up’ to it. That seemed to amuse her.”

No Christmas letter this year, but suffice it to say, we are doing well. Judy and I both work for the local school district, and our jobs are going very well. I attended a three week NEH seminar on the Constitution in LA in the summer and it was extraordinary. My 2007/08 teaching load basically boils down to American Government and Constitutional Law. Judy is teaching fourth grade and mentoring new teachers as part of her National Board Certification. The girls are well. Jessica is heading home for Christmas after her first semester at American University of Cairo where she is pursuing a Masters in Middle Eastern History and Religion. We will visit Jessica in Cairo over spring break. Kristen has finished a very successful semester at Colorado State University. She is a 21 year old sophomore as a result of sitting out 1.5 years. Her major: natural resources recreation. Go figure. She is doing very well and loves her classes. Might be something in the DNA or perhaps it's a function of "nurture" rather than "nature. Whatever; she is digging it. We visited her this past summer and did some hiking in nearby RMNP. Will do that every summer she is in CO. That's it. Love, from the Mutters

This picture is from an arduous trip I took over the holidays to track down Larry “Economan” Mutter. I finally found him (with help from Judy and Larry’s old friend Marvin) at this senior home in South Florida near the Everglades – he was in his rocker. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to recognize me anymore. I guess all those years of losing the FHBP finally got to the old guy! Submitted by Enquirer paparazzi, Randy Virden

Knopick, Dave, Troop 257 -- Assistant Scoutmaster, Buffalo Patrol Leader, Scoutmaster '05 - '07, Venture Crew 2257 --Committee Chairman. Other Accomplishments & Awards --District Outstanding Assistant Scoutmaster, 2003; Order of the Arrow, Mic-O-Say honorary warrior [we believe the latter is a special BSA sub-cult dedicated to the song stylings of Mick Jagger] -- Submitted by alert Enquirer reporter Mark Greenig

Would you trust your son with this man?

Eric “The OSU Beaver” Bohard sent two action photos featuring son John (48th in this year’s FHBP). John’s batting stoke looks impressive if not “Knopick-esq” (above) but we at FHBP Head-quarters must take issue with the Washington Husky-like helmets sported by John’s (#41) football team (below). Surely being forced to wear those must qualify as a form of child abuse.

THE MEAL (Featuring Dave and Carol somewhere in Kansas in 2043) via the Internet:He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?" ………………………………………………… She answered “The teeth!”

The ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the Highest Level of Language Development. Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.' 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.' 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

The “I Hate Wolverines” Page featuring some good old Gator HumourCourtesy of Steve Holland

The wisdom of Babes: A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They usehim to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the Florida Gator who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

of his limitations and recognition of his strengths. He and Pam travelled to southern Mississippi on yet another post-Katrina recovery effort; he has done at least six over the past two years. They also traveled to Hawaii for just plain fun. Our 2007 summer vacation was dominated by a week in Wisconsin. We had not visited as a family since 2001 when we were in Rice Lake for Grandma Keefer’s 100th birthday party. We didn’t see everyone, but enjoyed central Wisconsin visits with aunt Rosemary and uncle Virg, uncle Lloyd & aunt Linda, and uncle Jack and aunt Elaine from the Havitz side of the family. We didn’t see many cousins, but had a great time in the Green Bay area with Pam Thomson and her family. We visited Lambeau Field and I got a classic photo of Jerry Kramer carrying Vince Lombardi off the field after Super Bowl II. Niki went more contemporary, getting a #4 jersey in honour of her favourite professional player Brett Favre. Then we headed northwest, stopping first in Hannibal where I went on a photo spree trying literally to capture every building and foundation, occupied or not, in the dying little village that was my mother’s hometown. We spent two hours there, which seemed like ten minutes to me and ten hours to Sue and Niki! I’m especially interested in documenting which buildings were where in Hannibal’s heyday, which was during the first half of the 20th Century. Although Grandpa Keefer’s store is no longer there and no relatives live there I’m fascinated by this place, home to many childhood memories. I’ve completed a first draft of my second grandparent-based autoethnography, this one regarding my relationship with Grandpa Keefer, and submitted it to a research conference in Montreal where I hope to read the narrative next spring. From Hannibal we proceeded to Rice Lake where we had a nice dinner with aunt Lois, uncle Howard and cousin Kathy, then to Hayward where we had a great day at aunt June and uncle Bob’s place. My cousins Jane and Betty were both there and our families spent an afternoon tubing the Namekagan River. I peppered both Lois and June with questions about growing up in Hannibal and am integrating that information into my Grandpa Keefer story. This winter I’m hoping to convert the remainder of Grandpa Keefer’s 8 mm movie reels into digital format. Grandpa bought his camera in the early 1950s and shot a fair amount of footage, most involving family visits and holidays, through the mid-1970s. It is, from my perspective, absolutely awesome stuff! The remainder of our summer vacation was spent in Michigan and Illinois. Highlights of the Michigan portion included visits with our friends Dan and Margie First in Ionia, and Mark and Connie DeMars in Lansing. Dan First gave us a farm tour in his golf cart and I spent a morning, along with Margie and their family friend Mike, doing walking exercises with Dan in a local school parking lot. Dan’s made remarkable progress in recovering from his brain aneurism due to a lot of hard work on his part and to the incredible

December 2007. Hello Friends! May the Peace of Christ be with you! We are fortunate to again report that our family was blessed with good health, great jobs, and a fun and eventful year. Among our family-based milestones, I turned 50 and both of Sue’s folks turned 80 during calendar year 2007. Sue’s mom suffers from diabetes and macular degeneration so they have found their spatial world more limited to the immediate Kitchener area than in the past. Fortunately, we live just 20 minutes away. My dad decided, in deference to slowly advancing Alzheimer’s, that 2007 was the year to give up his driver’s license, so his world is also a bit smaller than in the past. He still leads an active life, however, and displays both a remarkable acceptance

Mark & Sue near Lake Holcomb, WI Sue, Charlie & Ellie in Southampton, ON Sue checking out a garden at the cottage

amount of work and patience from Margie. Also great were the FarmHouse Fraternity summer picnic hosted by Dennis and Cindy Hasenick on their Springport farm and the Hopeman Family Olympics when we were up in Leelanau County. Our best event was Cherry Pit Spitting wherein we succeeded in bringing Gold to Canada! We spent the end of our vacation in Champaign, Illinois hosted by the Stewart family. Looking six years into the future, Bill spent both days convincing Niki the University of Illinois is a fine choice for graduate school! (He is right, of course!) Niki is half way through her third high school year and had strong midterm marks. Her favourite subject this fall has been Canadian Law. I prefer American History which, fortunately, is one for which she is more likely to request assistance. In less than a month she’ll be 17. She earned her G1 driver’s licence last summer and enjoys driving and the freedom that brings, though she must have an adult in the car with her for the next few months. This spring she will move to the next stage when she can drive solo during certain times of the day and on certain roads. She earned her Water Safety Instructor and Life Saving certifications last summer and now works at the Waterloo Memorial Recreation Complex as an instructor and life guard. She enjoys the community among their staff of 90 to 100 and has made many new friends. The job pays well so she is able to set aside 1/3 of each cheque for her university fund and another 1/3 toward her school trip and still have some spending money left over! Her school trip will be to France, Switzerland and Germany over Spring Break this coming March. Niki is still thinking about heading east for college, but is leaning toward one of the schools in Ottawa rather than further east in the Maritime provinces as she was thinking about for the last few years. Ottawa would be nice from our perspective as she would just be five hours away and because Ottawa, Canada’s capitol city, is a neat place with lots to do. It is also a stimulating multicultural environment from which to study the topics (law, social work, psychology and so forth) that she is considering. Niki and I spent a few days volunteering together on a Habitat for Humanity build as she has long wanted to do this and it was the first year she was eligible! Our Border Terrier Charlie (now seven) and Schnoodle Ellie (now one and a half) add flavour to our lives. Ellie has mellowed from her puppy days and they are best buddies. They especially love walks around our Waterloo neighbourhood and at the beach in Southampton. Sue has returned full-circle to her medical secretarial roots as she took a position with a vascular and thoracic surgeon in Kitchener. She works three days week, allowing her a bit more time for volunteering with the Visiting Angels program at Emmanuel United Church and for her and Charlie’s work with the “Therapy Dog” program. In that capacity, they visit Beechwood Manor on Wednesday mornings. Charlie enjoys all of the attention and Sue cherishes her friendship with the elderly residents. Sadly, one of Sue and Charlie’s favourites, Gertie, passed away this fall. Sue and Charlie will expand their repertoire this year as the have joined the “Read Program”. They will visit St. Nicholas School once a week and children experiencing difficulty reading will read to Charlie in a relaxed non-threatening environment. This fall I applied for a SSHRC grant to fund my anticipated research into lifelong fitness patterns among formerly elite runners. I should know whether I’m successful this spring. The writing is also on the wall that I’m likely to be the incoming Chair of the University of Waterloo’s Department of Recreation and Leisure Studies. More on that next year. Well, that’s it from the Canadian branch of the Havitz family! Best wishes for a peaceful and prosperous 2008! Love, Mark (for Sue, Niki, Charles & Ellie)

Niki with cousins Stephanie & Shelby at Ellie and Charlie pose for the camera Mark & two of his FarmHouse brothers the Thomson’s house in Wrightstown, WI while visiting friends in Southampton attempt to show they “still have it”!

His picks made, an exhausted an old but contented Buster the Norwegian Elkhound dreams of steak bones, sugar plums and whipping Mutter.

Our Favourite 2007 FHBP Bowl-Game Picking Heuristics

Charlie Havitz Team with mascot most likely to play with a Border Terrier.

Ellie Havitz School located closest to her hometown of St Clements, ON

Sue Havitz School located in the town or state she would most enjoy visiting

Ron McCarville Team with the most stylish helmet

Ziggy Rockefeller Pro-dog, anti-cat

TAMU Knopick Pro cat, anti-dog and bird

Mark Greenig Chose team whose mascot looks most like the person whose photo is the “Sponsor” of that bowl.

RIP. Graham and Jeremy Brown (above) were eaten by Alaskan grizzly bears this fall (right after this photo was taken actually), but not before submitting their FHBP picks and discovering in this picture window (below) why Alaskan weather forecasters are so accurate.

Charlie and Ellie Havitz (above) were inconsolable after losing to Amelia Kelly in the FHBP pet category. Likewise, longtime FHBP stalwarts, the Bigleys (Amy, Katie, Brenda & Jim) were despondent and somewhat bitter after being eclipsed by the upstart Eisenharts. The latter are off their Christmas list.

None of the Dimanche’s entered this year’s pool as they were apparently too busy climbing mountains. Clockwise from top right: Frédéric, Alex, Celine, and Christine. As Alex yells obscenities at the British entrants, Frédéric signals “8” for France’s World Cup rankings, and Christine says he’s a loser.

Later ate Jeremy

Later ate Graham

OSU. “Go Ed Heath!” – Brett WrightBeavs. “I can’t swim fast enough to catch either.” – Ziggy RockefellerMD. “Always pick the turtle, even when it is cold.” – Dave Knopick MD. “I love the turtle.” – TAMU Knopick

OSU 21MD 14

Oregon State 57Maryland 13

D. Howard’s Emerald

Houston. “Gotta love the Cougs! (we have the same mascot at College of Charleston).” – Katie BigleyHouston. “They’re auditioning our [Purdue’s] next coach.” – Dave BowyerTCU. “I hate cats. Frogs are ok.” – Ziggy RockefellerTCU. “Christian frogs rule!” – Dave Knopick Houston. “Guy is still alive at Cougar High.” – TAMU Knopick

TCU 20Cougar High 13

Texas Christian 47Houston 23

VanderStoep’s Texas

BC. “Sorry I had to pick against MSU.” – Myron FloydMSU. “BC is fading, we are ascending.” – Mark HavitzMSU. “Win a bowl game, damnit!” – Ron Kaiser BC. “Sorry Mark.” – Brett WrightMSU. “I’m sick of all things Boston.” – Mark GreenigBC. “Sorry Mark, it is a New England type of year.” – Dave Knopick MSU. “Can you say ‘keep the priests out of Disney World?” – TAMU Knopick

Boston 24MSU 21

Boston College 52Michigan State 18

Backman’s Champs Sports

ASU. “BCS lacks respect for the PAC 10” – Eric “The Beaver” BohardASU. “Belloti and Carroll are hearing Erickson’s footsteps for next year!” –Randy VirdenTexas. “Am I going to be shunned for this?” – Katie BigleyASU. “Can’t choose teasips.” – Brenda BigleyASU. “Teasips suck. Slac 10 again.” – Dave KnopickASU. “I hate teasips.” – TAMU Knopick

texas 52ASU 34

Arizona State 40texas 30

Karp’s Holiday

PU. “I’m usually a Purdon’t, but I never go with a directional Michigan.” –Kindal ShoresPU. “Chippewas play hockey, not football.” – Dave RockefellerPU. “Go Boilers! (Ugly year).” – Dave BowyerPU. “Big 11. I mean 10.” – Dave Knopick

Purdue 51CMU 48

Purdue 56Central Michigan 14

Loomis’ Motor City

Boise. “ECU is not there. BSU’s been there.” – Tom GoodaleBoise. “Our pirate boys are likely to enjoy the 12 hour flight more than the game.” – Kindal ShoresECU. “I love pirates, especially that Capt Jack guy.” – Brenda BigleyBoise. “It still hurts to pick them almost a year later.” – Dave Knopick BSU. “This ain’t the real pirates we be playin’ matey!” – TAMU Knopick

ECU 41BSU 38

Boise State 60East Carolina 10

L. Howard’s Hawaii

BYU. “This is not a vote of support for Mitt Romney.” – Dave RockefellerBYU. “Gott mit BYU.” – Jim BigleyBYU. “Straight-laced team conquers sin city!” – Mark HavitzUCLA. “A Slac 10 give-up game to keep Mutter close.” – Dave Knopick BYU. Those Mormon cats say ‘Viva Las Vegas!’” – TAMU Knopick

BYU 17UCLA 16

BYU 43UCLA 27

Roehl’s Las Vegas

NM. “Even though attendance rivals soccer team.” – Henry EisenhartNM. “For the boss.” – Jim BigleyNM. “Tough choice; all canines are ok.” – Ziggy RockefellerNevada. “This game has gone to the dogs.” – TAMU Knopick

New Mexico 23Nevada 0

New Mexico 49Nevada 21

Eisenhart’s New Mexico

Cincy. “Someone must support woeful Big Least.” – Dave RockefellerSou Miss. “In honor of Brett Favre.” – Dave Knopick Bearcats. “I love naked kitties.” – TAMU Knopick

Cincinnati 31Sou Miss 21

Cincinnati 55Sou Mississippi 15

Bohard’sPapajohns.com

Memphis. “Hub city for NWA and Fed Ex, second class BBQ, they just gotta win.” – Dave Knopick Memphis. “Owls go afowl.” – TAMU Knopick

Fla Atlantic 44Memphis 27

Memphis 49Florida Atlantic 21

Dimanche’s New Orleans

Navy. “Did you see that Annapolis movie? It has nothing to do with football. – Dave Knopick Navy. “No lint on this team.” – TAMU Knopick

Utah 35Navy 32

Utah 41Navy 29

Kaczynski’s Poinsettia

Best CommentsOpening Salvo: “You still ‘rock’ for continuing this effort. Thirty years from now I will look forward to the nurse reading the entry form to Mutter, Knopick and myself at the Old Aggies Home in Bryan.” – Mark Greenig

Actual Results

Collective Wisdom (70 entrants total)

BowlCollective wisdom correct Collective wisdom wrong

Tennessee. “Mark P. says GO VOLS!” – Kath PritchardTennessee. “I could take that Badger.” – Ziggy RockefellerWisconsin. “Home state.” – Dave Knopick Wi i “B d B d B d ” TAMU K i k

Tennessee 21Wisconsin 17

Tennessee 48Wisconsin 22

Pritchard’s Outback

Indiana. “Screw Oklahoma City who want to take the Sonics [from Seattle].” – Mark GreenigIndiana. “Boy that hurts!” – Dave “The Boiler” BowyerOSU. “Ohhhh this hurts!” – Dave “Boomer Sooner” KnopickIU. “Hoos-ier Daddy? Not Pistol Pete!” – TAMU Knopick

OSU 49Indiana 33

Oklahoma State 51Indiana 19

Goodale’s Insight

Clemson. “Anybodies Tiger in this one.” – Tom GoodaleAuburn. “Difficult choice between two Tigers.” – Graham BrownCU. “Anyone who uses school colors to choose a winner will be challenged on this one.” – Myron FloydClemson. “What did you expect?” – Brett WrightClemson. “A southern classic. How appropriate that it is sponsored by Chick-Fli-A.” – Dave Knopick

Auburn 23Clemson 20

Clemson 39Auburn 31

Morgan’s Chick-Fil-A

KY Jelly. “My confidence level too.” – Tom GoodaleKY. “Criminols serve time!” – Steve HollandKY. “KY should gel or get hot in this game.” – Jim BigleyKentucky. “Will FSU field a team?” – Dave BowyerKentucky. “One more overtime win.” – Dave Knopick Kentucky. “Bye Bobby!” – TAMU Knopick

Kentucky 35FSU 28

Kentucky 55Florida State 15

Wright’s Music City

Fresno. “Not your father’s Georgia Tech.” – Tom GoodaleGeorgia Tech. “Still against the dogs!” – TAMU Knopick

Fresno 40Ga Tech 28

Georgia Tech 43Fresno State 27

MVD’s MPC Computers

USF. “Ducks show what happens with a one-person offense.” – Eric BohardUSF. “Tell Pritchard and Yoshioka to get that Green Duck into a mascotetiquette class.” – Randy VirdenDucks. “Big Least Bulls will play like steers.” – Dave RockefellerUSF. “I love these new directional Florida teams.” – Dave Knopick USF. “Ducks win in replay, but not in real time.” – TAMU Knopick

Oregon 56USF 21

South Florida 42Oregon 28

Charles’ Sun

AF. “If they think this is another holy war.” – Tom GoodaleCal. “Go Bears!” – Ron Kaiser (Cal law school alum)Cal. “Another Slac 10. Oh no! Mutter is going to beat me!” – Dave Knopick Cal. “A pick against violence. Make love not war!” – TAMU Knopick

Cal 42AF 36

California 38Air Force 32

Bowyer’s Armed Forces

CU. “Too much unrest at Bama. Why is there a bowl game for .500 teams?”– Dave RockefellerAlabama. “I hate to bet on Saban.” – Dave BowyerUA. “CU ruined OU’s season.” – Dave Knopick CU. “Do we really care about this one?” – TAMU Knopick

Bama 30Colorado 24

Alabama 44Colorado 26

DeVeto’sIndependence

PSU. “If the defense comes to play.” – Tom Goodale TAMU. “Whoop!” – Steve HollandPSU. “Gig ‘Em, but I doubt it.” – Graham BrownAgs. “This is very difficult for our family, but have to turn on my geo-ethnic roots and stick with the gang colors.” – Jim BigleyPSU. “Go Big Ten! What happened to Slocum?” – Dave BowyerTAMU. “So long coach Fran. A new era begins.” – Dave Knopick TAMU. “Namesake pick every year.” – TAMU Knopick

Penn State 24TAMU 17

Texas A&M 36Penn State 34

Reid’s Alamo

Bulldogs. “Top dawg conference will take it.” – Dave RockefellerMSU. “The lesser one.” – Ron Kaiser (MSU Spartan alum)CFU. “Whose is that in the letterman jacket?” – Dave Knopick CFU. “Always against the dogs!” – TAMU Knopick

MSU 10CFU 3

Central Florida 38Mississippi State 32

Bigley’s Liberty

Wake. “Rebecca has added a few lbs.” – Tom GoodaleUConn. “Big Least basketball school learns a new game.” – Dave RockefellerCon. “Figures Mutter’s Bowl would have con.” – Steve HollandWF. “Big East sucks like the Slac 10.” – TAMU Knopick

Wake 24UConn 10

Wake Forest 36Connecticut 34

Mutter’s MeinekeCar Care

Best CommentsActual ResultsOur Collective PicksBowl

LSU. “OSU skunked again by SEC.” – Steve HollandLes St U. “Geaux Tigers!” – Brett WrightLSU. “Winners as usual in these mismatched bowl game. –Leslie FurrOSU. “LSU’s home field?” – Dave Bowyer“Tie – these teams bite! Unbelievably depressing to have to pick one of these two teams. I take the loss in the mythical championship game! If Mutter doesn’t beat me this year he really does suck!” – Dave Knopick

LSU 38OSU 24

LSU 43Ohio State 27

Van Doren’sBCS Title Game

Tulsa. “Three Oklahoma teams are a charm!” – Dave Knopick Tulsa. “Golden Hurricane blows, but falcons suck!” – TAMU Knopick

Tulsa 63Bowling Green 7

Tulsa 47Bowling Green 23

Doc Bruce’s GMAC

Rutgers. “History has made me a cynic and this pick completes it. I am picking against all of my schools. My Cardinals are loveable losers.” – Kindal ShoresRutgers. “Stop, drop and Roehl.” – Dave Knopick

Rutgers 52Ball U 30

Rutgers 57Ball State 13

E. Havitz’s International

Hokies. “Just because of their name.” – Ron McCarvilleVT. “Kansas has not beaten anyone this year.” – Dave Knopick

Kansas 24Virginia Tech 21

Virginia Tech 45Kansas 25

Knopick’s Orange

WVU. “Unless Oklahoma is White hot.” – Tom GoodaleOU. “Oklahoma is BEST team in nation!” – Henry EisenhartSooners. “Big Least shows weakness again.” – Dave RockefellerWV. “Screw Oklahoma City who want to take the Sonics [from Seattle].” – Mark GreenigOU. “I did not learn from last year.” – Dave Knopick

West Virginia 48Oklahoma 28

Oklahoma 54West Virginia 16

Yoshioka’s Fiesta

Hawaii. “BCS CEO will be confounded.” – Dave RockefellerHawaii. “I met one of the Warriors on the U of H campus recently. He was small for a football player but I hope they win.” – Graham BrownHawaii. “The Warriors finally get to travel and enjoy it.” – Dave Knopick

Georgia 41Hawaii 10

Georgia 45Hawaii 25

S. Havitz’s Sugar

USC. “Will be interesting.” – Tom GoodaleUSC. “My roots don’t run that deep. Sorry mom.” – Kindal ShoresIllinois. “I’m smelling roses!” – Bill StewartUSC. “With apologies to one of my mentors Bill Stewart, no relation to Martha.” – Jim BigleyUSC. “Blow out time.” – Ron KaiserUSC. “At home.” – Dave BowyerUSC. “Whoa Nelly! Keith Jackson returns.” – Dave Knopick

Southern Cal 49Illinois 17

Southern Cal 49Illinois 21

MacKay’s Rose

Florida. “No Contest.” – Tom GoodaleFlorida. “Chomp!” – Steve HollandFlorida. “Michigan lost to our arch rival App. State, hence MI deserves no support.” – Jim BigleyMichigan. “This is the only time all year (other than against MSU) that UM will have Long, Henne, Hart, Manningham and Arrington on the field for the same game. Florida will be complacent.” – Mark HavitzFlorida. “Blow out time.” – Ron KaiserFlorida. “Gator bait.” – Brett WrightFlorida. “I could take that Wolverine.” – Ziggy RockefellerFlorida. “Rich who?” – Dave Knopick

Michigan 41Florida 35

Florida 57Michigan 13

Edginton’s Capital One”

Tech. “Too much offense for one defensive end.” – Tom GoodaleTech. “Significant in-law says go with Tech.” – Dave BowyerTT. “I like Texas Tech, especially in the litter box.” – TAMU Knopick

Texas Tech 31Virginia 28

Texas Tech 52Virginia 18

Holland’s Gator

Missouri. “McFadden over Daniels next time.” – Tom GoodaleArkansas. “Nutts.” – Dave KnopickMizzou. “Pinkle rhymes with tinkle.” – TAMU Knopick

Missouri 38Arkansas 7

Missouri 47Arkansas 23

Brown’s Cotton

Dates GL Comet, loses tiebreaker touchOld Duck, San Diego faculty17. Colleen Bee “A”

Beats Bee on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, Florida teacher16. The Great Larry Mutter

Beats Mutter on tiebreaker 4Old Ag, US Army employee15. Dave Rockefeller

Beats Rockefeller on tiebreaker 2Old Ag, Mizzou faculty14. Ozark Mark Morgan “A”

Beats Mutter on tiebreaker 2Old, Duck, ASU faculty13. Carl Yoshioka

Rules the tiebreaker categoriesWaterloo grad student12. Luke Potwarka

Stengaleeze English Majors 22 wins, 10 losses

Foregoes tiebreakers, pays dearlyOld Ag, CA insurance guru11. Brian Karp (paid up for 10 years)

Edges Karp on tiebreaker 1Old Duck, CWU faculty10. Mark Pritchard “A”

Edges young Pritchard on tiebreaker 5Old Lobo, GSU faculty9. Henry Eisenhart

Edges old Eisenhart on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, Waterloo graduate8. Andy Kaczynski

Edges Kaczynski on tiebreaker 2Old Ag, ECU faculty7. Kindal Shores “A”

Pondering retirement with GoodaleOld teasip, UGA faculty6. Doug Kleiber

Rules the tiebreaker categoriesBlissfully retired GMU faculty5. Tom Goodale

AARP Retirees 23 wins, 9 losses

Picked last 12 games same as EisenhartOld Ag, Illini grad student4. Andrew Kerins

Picked last 5 games same as EisenhartFake Ag, ASU faculty3. Randy Virden

Picked last 12 games same as EisenhartOld Ag, Oregon planner2. Eric The Beaver Bohard

Beavers 24 wins, 8 losses

13 straight wins in middle bowls built an insurmountable lead for cocky rookie

Georgia Southern undergrad1. Thomas Eisenhart

The Big “E” Bulldogs 25 wins, 7 losses

2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings (Categories named for top finisher therein)Amateur entrants noted with “A” (includes intentional amateurs and those who forgot to pay)

Correctly/exactly picked by Luke Potwarka, Gail & Dean VanderStoep and Brenda Bigley!

Correct Answer: The Wildcats put up 68 points on January 4

Number of points scored by Alpena

Famous FHBP Tie Breaker 5

Kaiser was so excited remembering this that he sent a travelogue on the topic! (available from Mark Havitz upon request)

Correct Answer: “B” for the Au Sable (from Grayling to Mio)

Kaiser’s favouritecanoeing river

Famous FHBP Tie Breaker 4

8 entrants (mostly Catholics, go figure) surmised this correct response.

Correct Answer: “Q” for St. Ignatius School

Kaiser’s elementary school

Famous FHBP Tie Breaker 3

6 entrants got both right, 23 got one of the two (usually Sharon).

Correct Answer: “D” for Sharon Kelly and “M” for Leslie Furr

Kaiser’s two famous grads

Famous FHBP Tie Breaker 2

43 of the 70 entrants correctly recognized the source of these “tattoos”

Correct Answer: “D” for squash ball imprints from Ian Reid’s serves

Source of Kaiser’s tattoos

Famous FHBP Tie Breaker 1

Conference performances in the bowls (by winning percentage): Mountain West moves up to Number 1!

1. Mountain West 4-1 6. CUSA 3-3 10T. Independents 0-1 2. SEC 7-2 7. Big 10 3-5 12. MAC 0-32. PAC 10 4-2 8T. WAC 1-3 4. Big 12 5-3 8T. ACC 2-6 The Mountain West moved from #2 to #1, and the SEC5. Big East 3-2 10T. Sun Belt 0-1 largely lived up to its press clippings. The PAC 10 also

. made good strides, but the MAC collapsed!

Famous FHPB Tiebreakers

Claims Kaiser “has no famous grads”Old Ag, GSU faculty47. Leslie Furr

Answers “!@” for tiebreaker 2TAMU faculty46. Jim Gramann “A”

Takes Gramann on tiebreaker 2UGA graduate45. Amy Bigley

Edges Amy on tiebreaker 1Junior high student44. Matt Olson

Michigan guy edges Matt on tiebreaker 4ECU faculty43. Joe Fridgen

Edges Fridgen on tiebreaker 2Very old Norwegian Elkhound42. Buster Greenig “A”

Third of 3 straight South Carolina guysOld Ag, Clemson faculty41. Brett Wright

Threatens Van “I know where you live!”Old Ag, Clemson faculty40. Ken Backman “A”

Edges Backman on tiebreaker 3Blissfully retired Ag faculty39. Carlton Van Doren “A”

Forgot Les Furr or would have beat HavitzTAMU faculty38. Ron Kaiser

Cheats on tiebreakers with insider infoOld Ag, Waterloo faculty37. Mark Havitz

Spartans 18 wins, 14 losses

Random picks: 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 as usualOld Ag, TAMU faculty36. John Crompton “A”

Picks no tiebreakers; wanted a shoot outWaterloo staff35. Lowell Williamson

Picks no tiebreakers, but better looking than Lowell

Washington mom of 2 + big dog (not referring to Mark here)

34. Kath Pritchard “A”

Sharon edges Kathy on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, New York lawyer33. Sharon Kelly

Myron edges Sharon on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, NCSU faculty32. Myron Floyd “A”

Jim’s love of Madonna costs him dearlyOld Ag, GSU faculty31. Jim Bigley

Steve edges Bigley on tiebreaker 1Old Ag, Maryland aquarium guy30. Steve Olson

Bill demonstrates uncanny tiebreaker skillIllini faculty29. Bill Stewart “A”

Fightin’ Illini 19 wins, 13 losses

2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings Continued

Last finisher of overachieving familyOld Bulldog28. Emily Eisenhart

Knows football, must practice tiebreakersJunior high school student27. Dan Rockefeller

Aced Bill Stewart’s Nature and American Culture course according to Andrew

Black Labrador Retriever26. Moose Kerins

Top Bigley in 2007 College of Charleston undergrad25. Katie Bigley

Top critter honors for 2007Cat24. Amelia Kelly

Last human to beat all animals in 2007Old Ag, USA faculty23. Graham Brown “A”

Edges Brown on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, Illini faculty22. Dr. Bruce Wicks

Aces tiebreakers 1, 2 and 4Old Ag, Temple faculty21. Wes Roehl

Jersey Boys 20 wins, 12 losses

Only off by 65 points on tiebreaker 5Mother of Champions20. Nanette Eisenhart

Edge Nanette on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, MSU faculty & Dad19. Gail & Dean (Dad) Vanderstoep

Chomps VanderStoeps on tiebreaker 1

Old Ag, UF faculty18. Steve “The Gator” Holland

Gators 21 wins, 11 losses

Les Furr’s latest recruit doesn’t pan outOld Boiler, GSU faculty70. Larry Stalcup

Bulldogs with Rabies 9 wins, 23 losses

Still my favourite entrant!Ontario medical secretary69. Sue Havitz

RIP TAMUDeceased cat68. TAMU Knopick

Aces tiebreakers 1 and 2Old Ag, UNB faculty67. Ian Reid

Still More and More Maritimers (geez Louise!) 11 wins, 21 losses

Wishes he’d seen Bonnickson’s moonOld Ag, Kansas planner66. Dave Knopick

Edged Knopick on tiebreaker 1Old Ag, Manitoba faculty65. Kelly MacKay

Still More Maritimers 12 wins, 20 losses

Tiebreakers not needed in ScotlandOld Ag, blissfully retired64. Brian Hay “A”

Lost to McCarville on tiebreaker 2Exuberant Puppy Dog63. Ziggy Rockefeller

Aces tiebreakers 1 and 2Old Ag, Waterloo faculty62. Ron McCarville

More Maritimers 13 wins, 19 losses

Tiebreakers not needed in HawaiiOld Ag, Hawaii faculty61. Jerome Agrusa “A”

Edges Agrusa on tiebreaker 2Indiana engineer60. Dave Bowyer

Awarded 2007 prize money!PA native still hangin’ in GA59. Brenda Bigley

Voted top bunny hunter in OntarioSchnoodle58. Ellie Havitz

Edge Ellie on tiebreaker 2Judy Mutter & Dad Duane57. “Double D” Dad & Daughter

Edges Judy & Duane on tiebreaker 5Old Ag, Clemson faculty56. Sheila Backman “A”

Maritimers 14 wins, 18 losses

2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings Continued

Totally dominates this category. No need for tiebreakers!

Old Ag, Washington planner

55. Mark Greenig “A”

Spotted Owls 15 wins, 17 losses

Edged by good Catholic girl Jill on tiebreaker 2

Cat54. Bandit MacKay & The Gopher

“Les” research than Kathy costs Jill on tiebreaker 2

Old Ag, Indiana recreation professional

53. Jill Bowyer

Went 2 for 5 on tiebreakers (but got the first two right)

Old Ag, Illinois librarian52. Kathy Wicks

Jersey Girls 16 wins, 16 losses

Claims parents like Charlie better than herHigh school student51. Niki Havitz

Voted nicest terrier dog in OntarioBorder Terrier50. Charlie Havitz

Edges Charlie on tiebreaker 5Old Ag49. Kristi Montandon

Dominates tiebreaker categoriesStudent athlete extraordinaire

48. John Bohard

Junior Beavers 17 wins, 15 losses

Some 2007 No-Shows: David Botterill, Frédéric Dimanche, Chris Edginton, Dan Funk, Dan Howard, Denny Howard, Lin Howard, Tim Howard, Dave Loomis Jr., Dave Loomis Sr., Rosemary Loomis, Steve Mathison Bowie, Pat “I’m retired from the FHBP” Stokowski, and Marguerite Van Dyke.

Future Attraction*: An exciting weekend of fun, fellowship, sightseeing and college football action featuring Michigan State(GO GREEN!) vs. Texas A&M (WHOOP!) on September 10, 2011, East Lansing, MI.Your Host: Mark Havitz (more details will be forthcoming over the next three years).

Caterer: Dr. Bruce Wicks, the Brisket Man (yet to be confirmed but personnel from the FHBP’s Jersey and Sicily offices are “working on him”)! He remains sceptical!

Already booked: Jill & Dave Bowyer, Tom Goodale, Brian & Debra Karp; Ron, Marcia and Michael McCarville; Mark & Sue (and Niki, if available) Havitz

Please mark this date in your calendar and make plans to join your Aggie and Spartan friends for what promises to be a memorable weekend! Ducks, Beavers, Sooners and even teasips are welcome!

* We think this is actually happening as it was in the A&M Football “Future Schedules”page for several years. It’s not there now, but that’s because they have suddenly started reporting only 2 years in advance. Our reporters are on the trail. Stay tuned!

Mark Pritchard’s Roving Eye Report

Loser Havitz finally held to account

After all those years of sledging Big Blue, Young Sparty Havitz will finally be held to account. His penance for One too many Slams is to wear a Michigan “Hair” shirt till next season. Wins by the Oregon Ducks & other unknowns against the Wolverines made his condition(blind devotion to MSU) all the more pitiable, yet unforgivable.Perhaps a year of reflection will bring a kinder, gentler demeanor. odds are he won’t change his spots, but donning the shirt for a year may cause his chest hair to fade from green to blue.*

Howard to collect shorts from former grad student

Debt collection reached a new low on the FHBP Tour yesterday when Dennis Howard was awarded custody of his former OSU grad’s (Dan Funk) shorts for failure to pay his $1. Funk reneged on his contribution to the Howard winnings and was too distraught at losing his Buckeye shorts to be interviewed. These are sobering times, with stiff penalties, better (bettor?) beware.

From Enquirer cub reporter Andy Kaczynski: “This is a picture of a ‘win tickets’ game at Bingeman’sFunworx [Theme Park] in Kitchener, Ontario. That

Crompton - so enterprising!”

Parting Shots for 2007/2008!

* We must admit, that is one hellaciously handsome shirt (in a court jester sort of way)! We’ll see Y’all next year!