working with emotional intelligence to create positive change
TRANSCRIPT
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Working with Emotional Intelligence to Create
Positive Change
Robert K. Bitting, Ph.D., L.M.H.C.
June, 2013
NYSCAA
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What is Intelligence?
Typically focused on:◦ analytic reasoning
◦ verbal skills
◦ spatial ability
◦ attention
◦ memory
◦ judgment
Murky concept with definitions by many experts...
What’s the key?
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IQ:
A weak predictor for
◦ Achievement
◦ Job performance success
◦ Overall success, wealth
Still a component of employment/career success; maybe 20-25%
So, where’s the rest come from?
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One Place:Emotional Intelligence
How we perceive emotions and facilitate thought.
How we understand and manage emotions. Refers to feelings that a person has in a relationship.
Capacity to reason with emotions and emotional signals – self and others.
Self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, relationship management.
What’s Your Definition?
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Two Important People:
Carl Rogers (and the Big “E”)
and…
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The “Godfather” of E.I. Albert Ellis
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
Connection Between How We: Think, Feel and Behave
The Idea of “Changing the Thought, Changing the Behavior”
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Thoughts
Feelings Behaviors
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YOU
(CHOICE)
Thoughts
Feelings Behaviors
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Ellis: ABCDE
A – Activating or “red flag” event
B – Belief or Behavior
C – Consequences (Emotional or other)
D – Dispute w/ more rational/realistic expectations (Choose to “reframe”)
E – Effects (positive) of these more rational beliefs/behaviors
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Ellis: Typical Thinking Errors
Ignoring the Positive
Exaggerating the Negative
Overgeneralizing
QUIT MUSTERBATING!!
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Three Key Questions:
What Do You Want?
What Are You Doing To Get What You Want?
How’s It Working?
(Also, quit awfulizing and whining!)
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Based On Acceptance (Unconditional)
Self
Others
Life
Really?: Let’s hear what Ellis has to say about this!
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So…more potent predictors of Career Success are:
Ability to handle frustrations
Manage own emotions
Manage own social skills
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Problem: how we’ve historically viewed emotions:
•Chaotic•Haphazard•Superfluous•Incompatible with reason•Disorganized•Largely visceral•Resulting from the lack of effective
adjustment
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How we are now viewing emotions:
•Arouse, sustain, direct activity•Part of total economy of living organisms•Not in opposition to intelligence•A higher order of intelligence
Emotional processingmay be an essential partof rational decision making
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Evolutionary Advantage to
Emotion For example:
◦ Fight or flight response
◦ But…
Can basic emotions overwhelm rational thinking?
◦ Have you ever been “HIJACKED”?
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The main purpose of the innermostpart of the brain is survival.
To Get at Emotion, Go Deep...
Amygdala isdeep within the most elemental Parts of the brain.
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Basic Emotions—we all have ‘em –are they “hard-wired” or learned?
The “4 Core”JoySadnessAngerFear
Others?
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•“Being nice”•Letting feelings
hang out”
So (Again) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?
The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.
•a field in infancy
•fast-growing
•aspects harken to research of the 1940’s
•a field in infancy
•fast-growing
•aspects harken to research of the 1940’s
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Emotional self-awareness
The inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy.
People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives and have a surer sense about how they feel about personal decisions.
How do you stay open to your emotional experiences?--
can we tolerate the full range?
Self-awareness
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Value of taking time for self-awareness requires abilities
to recognize appropriate body cuesand emotions
to label cues and emotions accurately
to stay open to unpleasant as well as pleasant emotions
Includes the capacity for experiencing and recognizing multiple and conflicting emotions
Emotional Self Awareness
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Managing One’s Own Emotions
EI is like a smoke alarm. EI tells us a particular emotion is arising.
Tremendous individual variability vis-à-vis duration and intensity of emotion.
EI can help us “reframe” and move forward more quickly.
Self -regulation
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Out of Control Emotions
Impair reasoning (even smart people sometimes act stupidly –example?)
May increase the likelihood that chronic emotional problems will result, (e.g., clinical depression or chronic anxiety or hostility)
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Using emotions to maximize intellectual processing and decision-making:
As a person matures, emotions begin to shape and improve thinkingby directing a person’s attention to important changes.
Example: Learning to Delay Gratification
Self-Motivation
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Utilizing mild emotional swings tomore effectively:
• Promote or hinder motivation - anxiety, hostility, sadness
• Understand emotional swings to increase perspective on future events.
Read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell – a great book for “reading” other people!
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Developing empathy
Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s emotional state, which is very similar to what you are experiencing.
“Here I am, as I am” leads us closer to conditions for Unconditional Acceptance, Social Interest, and the Big E.
socialawareness
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Developing empathy also links to:
Greater emotional stability
Greater interpersonal sensitivity
Better school and work performance
Developing empathy
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The Art of Social Relationships--managing emotions in others
Effective friend, negotiator, and leader.
Ability to guide interactions, inspire, and make others. comfortable in social situations
Influence and persuade others.
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The “Dark Side”:The danger of the nice personality
Have you ever met a nice person, but the “bells have gone off?”
Charisma draws in but not always to desired ends, e.g., Hitler, Jim Jones.
Empathy can be faked; so can other emotions.
Anyone you know?
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The Development of “EI”
A genetic contribution is likely
But it is not destiny
Early expression of emotion by parents helps learning
Early abuse hinders learning
Poor ability to read others’ emotionsmay lead to the development of poor social skills.
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Emotion-Related “Dysfunction”(the Everyday Type!)
Can lead to THE 4 HORSEMEN of Negative Emotions:
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Criticism
CONTEMPT!!
Impacts on physical health:
Cardiovascular disease
Progression of diabetes, cancer, hypertension
OVERALL BAD STUFF
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Dysfunction at Work -Questions to Ask:
Is the person in the wrong job?
Does the job require the person to be difficult?
What is remarkable about the group dynamics of the organization?
What about individuals, personal and interpersonal?
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Importance of EI to Organizations:
50% of work satisfaction is determined by the relationship a worker has with… his/her boss.
EI is a prerequisite for effective leadership across borders.
◦ Requires a high level of self-mastery and people skills; ability to put yourself into the positions of others.
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What is Improving EI Worth?
Increases retention.Decreases absenteeism.Increases overall organizational growth.
Could increase production as much as 20%
Current estimates to American Business: Losing between $5.6 and
$16.8 Billion annually
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Nine Strategiesfor
TAKING THE TIME FOR MINDFULNESS
Recognizing and naming emotions
Understanding the causes of feelings
Differentiating between emotion and the need to take action
Preventing depression through “learned optimism”
Managing anger through learned behavior or distraction techniques
Listening for the lessons of feelings
Using “gut feelings” in decision making
Developing listening skills
PromotingEmotional
Intelligence
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Using E.I. in the Workplace• Should skills related to EI find their way into workplace strategic planning?
• Can such skills be effectively developed in the workplace?
• Would the introduction of skills related to EI radically modify the workplace – and if so, how?
• How does effective customer service relates to the basic concepts of E.I.?
• What is the EI skill set applied to where you work?