wr100 portfolio

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Sharjil Hannan

WR100 Portfolio

The Craft of Fiction

Submitted to:

Professor M. Hoover

May 05, 2011

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Table of Contents

Artifact

Page No

1 Introductory Essay

3

2 Self-Assessment 1

8

3 Essay 1 9

a) Essay 1 Conference Draft 10

b) Essay 1 Peer Response Draft 13

c) Essay 1 Peer Response Draft Comments 17

d) Essay 1 Final Draft

18

4 Self-Assessment 2

23

5 Essay 2 24

a) Essay 2 Conference Draft 25

b) Essay 2 Peer Response Draft 29

c) Essay 2 Peer Response Draft Comments 34

d) Essay 2 Final Draft

35

6 Self-Assessment 3

41

7 Essay 3 42

a) Essay 3 Workshop Draft 43

b) Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes 48

c) Essay 3 Workshop Draft Comments 49

d) Essay 3 Peer Response Draft 50

e) Essay 3 Peer Response Draft Comments 55

f) Essay 3 Final Draft

56

8 References 62

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Introductory Essay

I had initially chosen this course in order to fulfill my CAS requirement. Having studied in vastly

different schools in all parts of the world, I felt that my writing was a bit out of shape and was in need of

some consistency. Now as I take a look at my progress over this past semester, I have to say that I have

achieved my goal and have successfully employed myself with a formal structure in writing. It has

created a platform which I will continue to use and build on for the rest of my college days and onwards.

Although I have improved in all departments of argumentative writing, it is in the use of evidence in

which my improvement has been phenomenal. Before the start of this course, I fell in the habit of trying

to avoid textual evidence and always settle with general statements. This approach had significantly

weakened my arguments and had often made it unreliable. It is through this course that I have picked

up the art of using evidence and explicating them in a way to direct and control the argument. Now, by

using evidence in the right context my arguments are much stronger and are less questionable to

debate.

Let us take a look at the development of the drafts of each of the essays, which has resulted in a

massive improvement in my argumentative writing skills. Essay 1 was about the use of conflict in the

short story ‘Mlle. Dias De Corta’ written by Mavis Gallant. The conference draft was lacking in some

essential essay parts, the highlight of it was the lack of evidence. In fact, the draft only contained only

one quotation from the story. Thus, my primary focus for the second draft was to make sure that I had

included enough evidence to back up and strengthen my argument. The effect of adding evidence was

noticeable and changed the outlook of the essay. In the Essay 1 Conference Draft, one of the reasons

used for the argument was “The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the

characteristics to be the primary conflict.” (Pg 10) However, there was no proof given from the story

itself. Thus in the Essay 1 Peer Response Draft, I added the following, “We can see this when she says “I

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always expected you to come back for your suitcase.” Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us

that she wants Alda to come back, but the suitcase is like a symbol which expresses her true feelings.”

(Pg 13) After giving proof, the argument is significantly stronger and is more convincing. After providing

ample evidence throughout the essay, my next focus was to improve on my claim which needed some

tweaking as it seemed too broad. One of my peer group members, Quinn, made this comment regarding

that issue, “Not all of the paragraphs seem to coherently support your thesis. They make it seem like

you have multiple ideas for a main point and instead of choosing one you have a bunch.” (Pg 17) This

prompted me to change my claim entirely from what it was in the first two drafts. In the Essay 1 Final

Draft, my claim ended up to be, “However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability to abort the baby and her

struggle acts as a conflict as well.” (Pg 18) The claim now was more concise and addressed a singular and

specific issue.

I continued my path of improvement on Essay 2, but this time I was concentrating primarily on

my consequence and ‘So What?’ aspects of the essay. Essay 2 was an analysis of the third person point

of view in the story “Gilbert’s Mother” by William Trevor. I did face a minor setback after evaluation of

the Essay 2 Conference Draft where I mistakenly thought that the story was narrated in the third person

omniscient point of view. It was not omniscient at all, and I had to make major changes to the essay

which involved a total revamp starting from the problem statement to the ‘So What?’ of the essay. After

much effort, I was able to put together an Essay 2 Peer Response Draft where I eliminated the concept

of omniscience and brought in the switch between the third person objective and the third person

limited point of views that take place in the story. The newly transformed consequence was, “However,

once the point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the

ending of the story.” (Pg 29) By being specific about the ending, it helped me focus on the ending of the

story and I was also able to incorporate a second essay called ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ which was

based on endings of short stories. This consequence was a much improved version from the Essay 2

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Conference Draft which was “This approach lacks intimacy and leaves one confused at the end of the

story to understand the mother’s actual intentions.” (Pg 25) In this version of the consequence, it would

be hard to prove whether someone would be ‘confused’ as it is a relative concept which varies from

person to person. One of the problems was that I did not develop my Essay 2 Peer Response Draft much

into my Essay 2 Final Draft, and only added a conclusion at the end while making some minor changes

here and there. Much of that was due to some time constraints I was facing with some other classes. In

terms of evidence and explication, I was still able to maintain that and actually improve upon it in Essay

2 from Essay 1. Here is an example of explication of a piece of evidence used in the Essay 2 Final Draft,

“Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One can see no personal intake

onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands

out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be stated in a newspaper, the rest

of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person objective should sound like.” (Pg

36) The explication is long and extensive and even specific words are brought to the forefront and

analyzed to further the argument.

Now we move onto Essay 3 where I looked at the effect of multiple voices in the short story

‘Signs’ written by John Edgar Wideman. After a holding a workshop of my first draft of the essay, there

was a common consensus on some of the underlying problems of my paper. One of the major ones

discussed was how I had brought in a second story but had left it “dangling” (Pg 49) all by itself. This is

what Vijayta had to say, “I really like the content of your essay and your writing style, however I think

you could set up more of a comparison between the two stories you have used. This needs to be

brought in right from the introduction. While I understand that your main focus seems to be on ‘Signs’,

‘Once the Shore’ definitely needs more explication and comparison with the former.” (Pg 49) To tackle

this issue, I tried to pinpoint the comparisons and contrast the two stories and even spread it

throughout the essay. Let us look at one of the reasons present in Essay 3 Workshop Draft which shows

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cultural dialect of some of the black students in the university. “Again, similar to the Aunts, the black

students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to make sense out of the conversation

since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author does his best to bring out the reality

and puts us right into the scene of their meeting.” (Pg 45) The reason is just left on its own and is not

even compared to how the white people in the university sound like. So for the Essay 3 Final Draft, I

bring in the voice of the dean to show the contrast in voice between the black and white communities

and then further contrast it with the singular voice in “Once the Shore”. This is what I included, “This

difference becomes more prominent if we contrast it with “Once The Shore” where that difference in

cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one voice and that

of the dean. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally distinct dialogues

through just one voice.” (Pg 59) Even by adding just a few sentences and comparing it to the second

story the argument is significantly strengthened.

The developments of each of the drafts show that considerable work had been employed in

order to improve them. In some cases, the growth from draft to draft was slow. However, I feel by

taking small steps I gave myself time to ensure that I had a solid grasp in these concepts of

argumentative essay writing. At least in terms of using evidence and explication the improvement was

massive. From barely having any evidence in my Essay 1 Conference Draft, I was able to incorporate

many more pieces of evidence in the correct context in the latter drafts. Even Maggie, who is often

stringent when it comes to commentating on other peers’ evidence and explication wrote on my Essay 3

Workshop Draft, “I love your explication.” (Pg 49) There is an aspect which I still need to work on is

acknowledgement of opposition and responding to it. I often find myself too involved with my own

arguments that I fail to include and come up with strong oppositions to them. That is something that I

will be looking to work on when I encounter the WR150 course later in the college program.

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Keeping essay writing ability to the side, this course has increased my appreciation towards

fictional short stories. I had never actually taken the initiative to read so many short stories in such a

short span of time. I was really fascinated by the universal themes that some of the writers were able to

portray in just a few pages. My fascination and appreciation has grown to the extent that I have even

begun writing one of my own short stories! Who knows, maybe my story could one day be used in this

WR100 class a decade or so later?

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Self-Assessment 1

The main purpose of choosing this WR100 course is to fulfill my writing requirement for

the CAS undergraduate degree program. Having studied in schools in all over the world has

given me the ability to explore and be open to new ideas. However, a downfall is that it has left

my writing style and structure in disarray. The last time I had a writing class was in my Junior

year in high school, so it’s been quite a while since I have formally taken some writing lessons.

Hopefully this class will refresh my memories of my previous knowledge and also pick up some

new techniques on argumentative writing which I can use from now on. Most importantly, I

want to learn how to structure argumentative essays so that I can use it as a platform for the

rest of my college life.

One of my main weaknesses is that I am always confused in how to approach the

introduction of an essay. That is something I will be closely working on and trying to improve to

make sure that introductions of my essays are clear, relevant and follow a specific format.

A second reason for choosing this class is the topic. I found the topic of ‘Craft of Fiction’

quite interesting. Unfortunately, even in my childhood I did not read as much fiction as I should

have. Even more so, I have barely read any short stories. One of my aims of college is to explore

as many new aspects and touch upon academic areas which I had not previously been exposed

to. This class focuses on one of those areas which is why I am really looking forward to reading

and analyzing the assigned fictional short stories.

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Essay 1

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Essay 1 Conference Draft

The Use of Conflict in Mlle. Dias De Corta

“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing

suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a conflict. He defines this as a singular and

concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character) which gives purpose to the story. Does Mavis

Gallant present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us flipping the pages? She infact puts

up two. One appears to be when the narrator informs us that Alda left the apartment and has not

returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. However, Dias De Corta’s inability to abort the

baby and her struggle could act as a conflict as well. Although the obvious and more ‘distinct’ conflict is

surrounding the narrator, it’s the latter one which focuses on Alda that drives the main gist of the story.

It acts as the nucleus and is the most essential aspect of Mlle. Dias De Corta.

The short story Mlle. Dias De Corta by Mavis Gallant is narrated by a woman in France who rents

out her apartment to this young actress named Alda Dias De Corta. Although skeptical of her at first, she

comes to being used to Alda’s company, who becomes an integral member of the household. Until one

day, the lady finds that Alda is pregnant. At that time abortion was illegal in France and Alda seeking for

advice on this issue fails to receive anything tangible. She leaves the apartment and has yet to return.

The narrator’s craving of getting Corta back in her life has all the characteristics to be the

primary conflict. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a solution. It can be solved by Mlle.

Dias De Corta herself and she can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as an obstacle to the

narrator’s need. However, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest of the story. In

fact, it is the event that has generated the narrator’s need in the first place, as Alda leaves the

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apartment after the incident. Thus it seems more likely that the narrator’s need is merely a

consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their household, thus strengthening its stance as the more

critical conflict of the two.

The timing that both the conflicts are portrayed to us is a bit strange. Gallant decides to fill us in

about Alda’s departure around the middle of the story. That means one has to turn quite a few pages

before finding out the intentions of the narrator. About the placement of a conflict in a short story,

Sexton does not elaborate and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could arise

anywhere in a short story, as long as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable. Therefore, just because

Alda’s pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the main conflict

in this story.

The idea of multiple conflicts also spurs on another interesting idea about protagonists. Can

there be more than one protagonist in a short story? Sexton is quite rigid on this issue as well. He

continues to iterate that there should be just one protagonist with a sole need. The common view on

Mlle. Dias De Corta would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story

revolves around. On the contrary, the narrator tells us so much about Alda that we seem to know her

better. We know about Alda’s career, accent, background, character and possibly a faint description of

her physical appearance. Whereas, all we know about the narrator is her emotions and feelings to the

surroundings and people around her, rather than herself. In fact, if one were to conduct a drama of this

short story, Alda would appear in all the scenes. Since we know much more about Corta, doesn’t it

naturally convey that she is the protagonist and of this story? We find out so much about Corta without

even her physical presence in the story itself. Gallant uses Alda as the protagonist of this story, with the

other characters and society acting as the antagonist to her problem. It only makes more sense to

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suggest that Mavis Gallant would present the conflict of this story which stems from the protagonist,

rather than any other character.

“You moved into my apartment during the summer of the year before abortion became legal in

France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” This is the first thing the

narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of the story

from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story would focus

more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator spends a

majority of her time just telling us about Corta. This story works around a much broader theme than

that. Alda can be viewed as a representative of many who might have suffered in France when abortion

was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact of it on society due to its non-existence.

Sexton has an interesting view on using more than one conflict in a short story. He advises

through his essay that it’s best if a short story focuses on just one conflict. He thinks that there is a lack

of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts and it may bring in unnecessary complexities.

However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in the first place?

If we truly consider Corta’s conflict as the backbone of Mlle. Dias De Corta then the idea of a second

conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Corta from the narrator’s life can be thought of as a

tool that Gallant used to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may be addressed

to Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out a deeper meaning. Thus, it can be

argued that Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless,

Gallant has used this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.

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Essay 1 Peer Response Draft


“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing

suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a conflict. He defines this as a singular and

concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character) which gives purpose to the story. Does Mavis

Gallant present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us flipping the pages? She in fact puts

up two. One appears to be when the narrator informs us that Alda left the apartment and has not

returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability to abort

the baby and her struggle could act as a conflict as well. Although the obvious and more ‘distinct’

conflict is surrounding the narrator, it’s the latter one which focuses on Alda that drives the main gist of

the story. It acts as the nucleus and is the most essential aspect of Mlle. Dias De Corta.

The short story “Mlle. Dias De Corta” by Mavis Gallant is narrated by a woman in France who

rents out her apartment to this young actress named Alda Dias De Corta. Although skeptical of her at

first, she comes to being used to Alda’s company, who becomes an integral member of the household.

Until one day, the lady finds that Alda is pregnant. At that time abortion was illegal in France and Alda

seeking for advice on this issue fails to receive anything tangible. She leaves the apartment and has yet

to return.

The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the characteristics to be the primary

conflict. We can see this when she says “I always expected you to come back for your suitcase.”

Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us that she wants Alda to come back, but the suitcase is like

a symbol which expresses her true feelings. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a

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solution. It can be solved by Alda herself and she can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as an

obstacle to the narrator’s need. However, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest

of the story. The narrator states “I had been the first to spot your condition.” In fact, this is the event

that has generated the narrator’s need in the first place. It is the reason the young lady leaves the

apartment which we found out when the narrator proclaims “Alain often asked for news after you

vanished mentioning you affectionately as ‘the little Carmencita’.” Thus it seems more likely that the

narrator’s need is merely a consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their household, strengthening its

stance as the more critical conflict of the two.




“Mlle. Dias De Corta” would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story


better. We know that she has appeared in an “oven cleanser commercial” on television and even that

“She’s too short for an actress”. We find out that she has a “low pitched” voice and a French accent she

picked up from schooling in “Marseilles”. One even knows that the actress doesn’t have a French

passport as “she had never applied for one.” That is the extent to which we know about Alda in this

story because even the smallest details about her are mentioned. Whereas, all we know about the

narrator is her emotions and feelings to the surroundings and people around her, rather than herself.

We can see her discontent towards the increase in immigration in France when she asserts the findings

in a report that “Asians will have taken over a third of Paris, Arabs and Africans three quarters, and

unskilled European immigrants two-fifths.” Although, we do get a slight description of the narrator’s hair

when she informs us it is “ash blond, swept back, medium long”. That’s just about it. Thinking about it, if

one were to conduct a drama of this short story, Alda would appear in all the scenes. Since we know

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much more about Alda, doesn’t it naturally convey that she is the protagonist of this story? We find out

so much about her without even her physical presence in the story itself. Gallant uses Alda as the

protagonist of this story, with the other characters and society acting as the antagonist to her problem.

The timing that both the conflicts are portrayed to us is a bit strange. Gallant decides to fill us in

about Alda’s departure around the middle of the story. It comes on in the 5th

page of the story. That

means one has to turn quite a few pages before finding out the intentions of the narrator. The narrator

asks Alda “How far along are you?”, which gives us the first indication about her pregnancy. We find

about this incident in the beginning of the 9th

page of the story. About the placement of a conflict in a

short story, Sexton does not elaborate and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could

arise anywhere in a short story, as long as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable.


France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” This is the first thing the

narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of the story

from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story would focus

more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator spends a

majority of her time just telling us about Alda. This story works around a much broader theme than that.

It only makes more sense to suggest that Mavis Gallant would present the conflict of this story

which stems from the protagonist, rather than any other character. Furthermore, just because Alda’s

pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the main conflict in this

story. Alda Dias De Corta can be viewed as a representative of many who might have suffered in France

when abortion was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact of it on society due to

its non-existence.

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of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts and it may bring in unnecessary complexities.

However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in the first place?

If we truly consider Alda’s conflict as the backbone of “Mlle. Dias De Corta” then the idea of a second

conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Alda from the narrator’s life can be thought of as a tool

that Gallant used to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may be addressed to

Mlle. Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out a deeper meaning. Thus, it can be

argued that Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless,

Gallant has used this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.

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Essay 1 Peer Response Draft Comments

General Notes by Quinn:

- Identify your quotes with an author and page #

- Be sure to explain the significance of your quotations, don’t just drop them in

- Not all of the paragraphs seem to coherently support your thesis. They make it seem like you have

multiple ideas for a main point and instead of choosing one you have a bunch. I see 4 distinct topics

definitely that you may want to work on to choose as your sole topic

o Disagreeing with Sexton that short stories have multiple conflicts

o “Mlle Dias De Corta” has 2 conflicts and the less noticed one is the most important

o Sexton only focuses on the ideas of one protagonist, one conflict one antagonist etc. de

Corta reveals you can have multiples of these

o De Corta uses Sexton’s idea of conflict in interesting ways that make it a unique story.

Gallant plays w/ the timing of conflict, the idea of multiple conflicts, conflicts leading to

multiple protagonists

- Remember to use the active voice

- Elaborate on your thought process so your readers can follow along

- Overall you have a lot of interpretations, you just need to sort out what is and is not relevant and

solidify your thesis. But still a good job!

- And don’t forget a works cited page

General Notes by Julie:

- I think it is well written, especially the 4th

paragraph, the evidences are all good to support your idea

and I was following very easily, also persuasive

- However, other paragraphs, I think you can develop it more with some good evidences to show

your argument

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Essay 1 Final Draft


Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a

conflict. He defines this as a singular and concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character)

which gives purpose to the story. “Mlle. Dias De Corta” is a short story narrated by an elderly woman

living in France and talks about an actress Alda Dias De Corta who used to be a tenant in their

apartment. Does the author, Mavis Gallant, present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us

flipping the pages? She certainly does. A conflict appears to arise when the narrator informs us that Alda

leaves the apartment and has not returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. As it is more

obvious and distinct, many consider this as the primary conflict. However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability

to abort the baby and her struggle acts as a conflict as well. It is this conflict which focuses on Alda that

portrays the true meaning and plays a more significant role in shaping the rest of the story.

“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” (Sexton Pg. 27) Sexton could not have

made it any clearer as to the importance he places on the conflict of a story. Let us take a closer look as

to what Sexton tells about the conflict. Characters ascribe several needs, but not all of them can be

achieved or addressed in a short story. How do we distinguish that sole need then which provides the

backbone of the story? Alda exhibits many needs throughout the story as well. Right from the first

paragraph of “Mlle. Dias De Corta’, we find out that Alda wants to be a successful actress when the

narrator informs us “The diploma was not among the things we found in your suitcase, after you

disappeared, but my son recalled that you carried it in your handbag, in case you had the good luck to sit

next to a casting director on a bus.” (Gallant 315) Alda’s determination to carry her acting diploma

wherever she goes shows how important her career is to her. However, the story does not focus on

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Alda’s career which is why it cannot be the conflict. The conflict becomes clear when protagonist’s

pursuit of trying to achieve that need is the central aspect of the story, which is what we notice about

Alda’s abortion issue.

The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the characteristics to be the primary

conflict. In support of this idea, she says “I always expected you to come back for your suitcase.” (Gallant

Pg. 323) Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us that she wants Alda to come back, the suitcase

is a symbol which expresses her true desire indirectly. One can also sense the closeness of the

relationship between the narrator and Alda. We witness this when Alda barely had any dresses and had

to attend an interview for a modeling job, the narrator proclaims “I gave you one of my own dresses”.

(Gallant 322) The fact that the narrator is sharing her personal belongings with Alda shows that it is

much more than a simple landlady-tenant relationship. Gallant decides to fill us in about Alda’s

departure around the middle of the story. It comes on in the 5th

page of the story which is and is before

we find out about Alda’s pregnancy. Even the last statement of the letter reinforces the claim that the

conflict stems from the narrator when she says “I prefer to live in the expectation of hearing the

elevator stop at my floor and then your ring, and of having you tell me you have come home.” (Gallant

Pg. 326) This statement reveals that the narrator considers Alda like a family member and wants her to

“come home”. All of these points would imply that the narrator’s need to bring Alda back in the

apartment is the main conflict. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a solution. It can be

solved by Alda’s return and thus Alda Dias De Corta can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as the

obstacle to the narrator’s need.

Alda’s sole need can be distinguished quite clearly too. She needs her baby to be aborted, but

there is no one to help her since abortion was illegal in France at the time the story takes place. The

narrator, who seems to have such a close relationship with Alda, refuses to help. She informs Alda “I

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can’t help you. I’m sorry. It’s against the law and besides, I wouldn’t know where to send you.” (Gallant

Pg. 323). Later when Alda leaves the apartment and is in a café still looking out for solutions, she asked

for help from “the woman at the next table” who “wrote something on the back of an old Metro ticket

(the solution, most probably)” (Gallant Pg. 323). However, even that effort went in vain. Therefore, this

provides evidence that the “woman” who is a representative of her society and the narrator act as

antagonists to her problem, considering that Alda is the protagonist whose desire remains unattended.

Furthermore, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest of the story. The narrator

states “I had been the first to spot your condition.” (Gallant Pg. 322) In fact, this is the event that has

generated the narrator’s need in the first place. It is the reason the young lady leaves the apartment

which we found out when the narrator proclaims “Alain often asked for news after you vanished”

(Gallant Pg. 319). Alain was their hair stylist and even he knew that Alda had left their household. Thus

it seems more likely that the narrator’s need is merely a consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their

household, strengthening the stance of Alda’s conflict being the more critical conflict of the two.




“Mlle. Dias De Corta” would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story


better. We know that she has appeared in an “oven cleanser commercial” (Gallant Pg. 319) on television

and even that “She’s too short for an actress” (Gallant Pg. 316). We find out that she has a “low pitched”

(Gallant Pg. 316) voice and a French accent she picked up from schooling in “Marseilles” (Gallant Pg.

317). One even knows that the actress doesn’t have a French passport as “she had never applied for

one.” (Gallant Pg. 319) That is the extent to which we know about Alda in this story because even the

smallest details about her are mentioned. Whereas, all we know about the narrator is her emotions and

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feelings to the surroundings and people around her, rather than herself. We can see her discontent

towards the increase in immigration in France when she asserts the inaccurate findings of a report that

“Asians will have taken over a third of Paris, Arabs and Africans three quarters, and unskilled European

immigrants two-fifths.” (Gallant Pg. 317) We do get a slight description of the narrator’s hair when she

describes it as “ash blond, swept back, medium long”. (Gallant Pg. 319) That’s just about it. Interestingly,

if one were to conduct a drama of this short story, Alda would probably appear in all the scenes. Since

we know much more about Alda, doesn’t it naturally convey that she is the protagonist of this story? We

find out so much about her without even her physical presence in the story itself.


France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” (Gallant Pg. 315) This is the first

thing the narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of

the story from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story

would focus more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator

spends a majority of her time just telling us about Alda. This story works around a much broader theme,

which in this case is about abortion. The narrator asks Alda “How far along are you?” (Gallant Pg. 323)

which gives us the first indication about her pregnancy. We find about this incident in the beginning of

the 9th

page of the story. About the placement of a conflict in a short story, Sexton does not elaborate

and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could arise anywhere in a short story, as long

as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable.

Gallant uses Alda as the protagonist of this story, with the other characters and society acting as

the antagonist to her problem. It only makes more sense to suggest that Gallant would present the

conflict of this story which stems from the protagonist, rather than any other character. Furthermore,

just because Alda’s pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the

22 | P a g e

main conflict in this story. Alda Dias De Corta can be viewed as a representative of many who might

have suffered in France when abortion was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact

of it on society due to its non-existence.



of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts as it tends to introduce unnecessary

complexities. However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in

the first place? If we truly consider Alda’s conflict as the nucleus of “Mlle. Dias De Corta” then the idea

of a second conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Alda from the narrator’s life can be

thought of as a tool that Gallant uses to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may

be addressed to Alda Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out the crisis faced by

many women who faced difficulties when trying to abort their babies. Thus, it can be argued that

Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless, Gallant has used

this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.

23 | P a g e

Self-Assessment 2

I feel that I’ve already learned a lot over the course of writing three drafts of Essay 1. One of my

primary objects to learn in this class was how to set a structure to my introduction. I am now much

more confident in writing an introduction after learning the format. The elements of common ground,

story summary, problem statement, consequence, claim and the ‘so what?’ of claim is a great way to

sequence and set out the introduction. I will definitely look to build on this format of introduction in

future essay assignments of this course

There are still several other aspects which I need to focus and improve on:

- My use of evidence and the proper explication is still poor. I always tend to use ‘dropped’ quotes

and not go on to explain the exact significance of it. Evidence and explication will be primary focus

for the next essay that I write.

- The consequence of the problem seemed to be a bit unclear. In Essay 1, the consequence seemed

to general to actually even be classified as a consequence to the problem in the first place. For the

next essays, I have to try and make sure that the problem and consequence are specific to the story

I am analyzing and arguing for, which will then help me set up a strong claim and a ‘so what?’ to the

claim as well.

- I am also finding the concept of ‘So What?’ a bit difficult to grasp. In Essay 1 I just summarized the

main points of each of my reasons, explaining the significance to my claim and bundled them up

into a ‘So What? Paragraph’. I feel that it was too simplistic and a bit on the short side as well. I

have to look to expand on the ‘So What?’ and come up with original ideas to explain why the claim

of my argument is so important and what impact it has on the way we read the story.

24 | P a g e

Essay 2

25 | P a g e

Essay 2 Conference Draft

Point of View in Gilbert’s Mother

“It’s a writer’s chosen point of view strategy that provides access to the heads and hearts of

many characters” (Sexton Pg. 127) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View I’. Sexton lays out

several strategies on how to narrate a story in first, second and third person point of views in his essays

‘Point of View I’ and ‘Point of View II’. How do we choose which point of view to write in? This is a

dilemma one often has to face before writing a short story. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a

mother who suspects that his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it.

William Trevor, the author of this story, narrates using the third person omniscient neutral point of

view. This approach lacks intimacy and leaves one confused at the end of the story to understand the

mother’s actual intentions. For the reason of obscurity, it would have been better if the story was

narrated in the first person singular point of view. It could have justified the mother’s outburst of

emotions directed towards her son and given us a distinct image of the mother-son relationship.

In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person omniscient neutral point of view

as a narrator who oversees and tells us all the details about the scenario being described but cannot give

their own views on it. Also in this point of view, the narrator has all the information about the

surroundings but has no obligation to share it with us. One can this point of view come out right from

the initial stages of the story when the narrator introduces us to the mother. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a

month ago peeled potatoes at the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her

features; her round, pretty face had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing

them fairly.” (Trevor Pg. 64) The details are quite descriptive and we do get a sense of what the mother

actually looks like. This is a huge benefit of using this point of view strategy that we can always use the

26 | P a g e

information available to us to form mental images of the story. In a way the style of narration makes us

look at the story through the narrator’s eyes, who seemingly plays no role in the story. Thus, one can

visibly associate the adjectives ‘round’ and ‘pretty’ to the mother. Although a bit vague, but we are still

rest assured that there is no bias. Another instance in the story which shows that this point of view has

no bias is around the middle of the story during a conversation between the mother and the son, right

when the mother starts to suspect that her son might be involved in the murder. “Sometimes, when he

went on talking, she felt like the shadow of a person who was not there. Ordinary sounding statements

that he made exhausted her. Was it a deliberate act, his saying that tonight he'd had a conversation with

the police? Was it all part of being daring, of challenging the world that would take his rights from him?

Often it seemed to her that his purposeless life was full of purpose.” (Trevor Pg. 69) Here, we get a sense

of both the mother’s thoughts and a possibility of inferring what the son’s intentions towards the

mother are. The mother seems to know his ‘purpose’ of life whereas the son’s ‘ordinary’ dialogue was a

specific of him trying to hide something from his mother. It is this ‘neutral’ perspective that we get from

the third person omniscient neutral that always makes the story an interesting read. Also, this point of

view never gives us the complete idea of a certain incident or intention, thus always keeping us in the

loop to want to read more in order to know more as well.

Much of the story does come out quite stale though. Since the narrator plays no role in the

story, the narrator sometimes cannot seem to make situation being described exciting enough. Let us go

back to the beginning of the story, the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by

describing the murder. “On November 23, 1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous

notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death

between the hours of ten fifteen and midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) This sounds just like a news report.

There is no emotion and personal intake onto the murder and the details are simply thrown at us to

swallow. Furthermore, the story sometimes tends to be inconspicuous and inconclusive as to the actions

27 | P a g e

portrayed. We get this feeling near the end of the story when the mother is in a state of confusion on

deciding the course of action she should take after realizing that her son might be the murderer. “She

might dial the emergency number now. Or she might go tomorrow to a police station, apologizing even

before she began, hoping for reassurance.” (Trevor Pg. 72) We cannot conjure up exactly what is going

on in the mother’s head. The regular use of ‘might’ just keeps adding doubt to everything ascribed. It is

to address this problem on the third person omniscient neutral point of view that leaves the ending so

open-ended. Thus, using the first person central point of view from the mother’s perspective would

have avoided this and we would have received a personalized view of the confusion in her head. There

might have been doubt in her thoughts, but it would have removed the element of constant ‘might’

which really does not tell us anything concrete enough to come to a specific conclusion.

What does Sexton tell us about this first person central point of view? He defines it as the story

told by the protagonist in his/her own perspective. We find out all the thoughts of this protagonist and

find about all the characters from the protagonist’s perspective which gives it a totally different look to a

story. Instead of overlooking the story from the point of view of a person who has no bearing in the

story, with the first person central the one who reads feels directly involved in the story, following the

steps the protagonist is taking. At the end of the story, the narrator informs us of the mother’s

emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed him. She had felt the tug of his

lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who controlled her now, who made

her isolation total.” (Trevor Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire mother-son relationship. Since

it is not the mother’s own words it portrays both the mother and the son in a negative light. The mother

can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction ‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the

mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. If this was said from the mother’s perspective, it would

have made much more sense. We could have found out about her real emotions towards her son in a

much more positive manner. After all, she is the mother and her feelings and attachment to her son

28 | P a g e

could be so strong that it is hard to define in words. We are unable to even think of this as an option due

to the point of view it is expressed in.

There is also another point of view that can be seen which does not fall into any of Sexton’s

point of view categories. Take a closer look at this segment nearing the end of the story, when the

narrator interjects between a conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television

show. “In all his acts of bravado there had never been violence - when he refused to open his

schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a basement" when he acquired a car without money. No one

would deny his cleverness, cunningly concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being

baffled by him, but there was never violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son

has never been violent in his life when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of

emotion or statement one would expect the mother to say, since she loves her son and will think of all

possible arguments to counter her own feelings that her son could be the murderer. The narrator has no

obligation to support the son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards

the mother’s emotions rather than justice of the murder itself. Or an even more interesting take on this

would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead wants us to perceive that it is

a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.

29 | P a g e



“To succeed at this most challenging aspect of the writer’s craft, pick one approach per short

story or novel” (Sexton Pg. 177) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View II’. Sexton lays out

several strategies on how to narrate a story in third person point of view in his essay but suggests that a

story remains consistent with one. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a mother who suspects that

his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it. William Trevor, the author

of this story, initially narrates using the third person objective point of view but later transforms into the

third person limited point of view. When narrated in the objective point of view, the mother is seen as

typical and caring, merely troubled by the presence of a wayward and disturbed son. However, once the

point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the ending

of the story. It is the ending which plays a crucial role in altering our view of the mother, who is now

instead seen as oppressive and overbearing. One can infer that Trevor deliberately transforms point of

view and violates Sexton’s ‘POV Contract’ in order to imply further complexities in their mother-son

relationship than we initially expected.

In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person objective point of view as a

narrator who merely presents ‘action, dialogue and description’ (Pg 171). The narrator is not allowed to

read the mind or thoughts of the character, and presents no view or judgment on them either. Sexton

uses this example to clearly show how this third person object point of view works. ‘To examine this

problem from the writer’s perspective, if you tell a story using this POV strategy, you may not tell your

characters that you may feel happy, but you may describe a smile’. Thus, the narrator can only iterate

the actions of a character, which in this case a character smiles but the narrator cannot explicitly tell us

30 | P a g e

the character’s feelings which may have caused the smile. On the other hand, third person limited point

of view restricts the narrator to just the perspective of one character in the short story. Similar to the

third person objective even in this point of view the narrator cannot ‘judge, interpret or even explain’

(154). We only get a sense of the thoughts and feelings of one single character, thus sometimes one can

sense the intimacy of a first person point of view narration.

We can clearly see that ‘Gilbert’s Mother’ begins in a third person objective narration. Consider

the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by describing the murder. “On November 23,

1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a

nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death between the hours of ten fifteen and

midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One

can see no personal intake onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of

the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be

stated in a newspaper, the rest of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person

objective should sound like. Further instances at the beginning of the story continue to emphasize the

presence of the third person objective point of view in the story. Let us look at two instances when the

narrator describes both the mother and the son. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a month ago peeled potatoes at

the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her features; her round, pretty face

had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing them fairly.” (Pg. 64) Again, one can

see that the descriptions show no form of opinion. We can see her ‘kitchen’ surroundings and the music

playing in the background and the description of her ‘round’ face with ‘wrinkles’ does not tell us of the

narrator’s feelings towards her looks. “Gilbert was dark-haired, five feet eight inches tall, sparely made.

His features were neat: a fine mouth and nose, brown eyes very like his mother’s, high cheekbones.”

Even here, the narrator is ascribing certain qualities to the son without any emotional input into it,

similar to the description of the mother. Maybe ‘his features were neat’ is the closest instance where

31 | P a g e

the third person objective sort of sways away, but then again the rest of the qualities such as ‘high

cheekbones’ and ‘brown eyes’ like his mother just bring back the objective point of view.

It is the narration of the third person objective point of view that perceives the mother in much

more positive light. At one point in the middle of the story the narrator tells us of several events which

portrayed Gilbert’s erratic behavior. “When he was nine Gilbert underwent psychiatric treatment. The

immediate reason for this was that he did not return from school one day. He should have returned on

the bus, traveling with a handful of other children who lived in the same neighborhood” (Pg 66). This

shows that Gilbert really did not seem to be like ordinary children. Being so rebellious at the age of 9

seems quite disturbing and justifies why the mother would look to psychiatric treatment for her son. We

later find out that Gilbert called in the next morning after staying over in the basement of another

apartment. “He gave his mother no explanation”. Since we never get to know the circumstances as to

why Gilbert did not return home due to the nature of the third person objective point of view, it can be

seen that the mother would find this behavior troublesome and for the love of her son would look to

seek help on this matter. If we look at instances of what the mother says in reply to or questioning

Gilbert, we get a further sense of her caring attitude. Again around the middle of the story when the

mother is begins to think that Gilbert could be involved in the murder, Gilbert brings with him a

newspaper from a public house to which the mother replies ““Thank you, dear” she said, returning his

smile”. Soon after when Gilbert offers her tea, his mother responds with “No, not tonight, dear”. As we

never get to intrude into the heads of either of the characters, the constant usage of ‘dear’ by mother

can only be seen in a soft spoken and caring way. The mother cannot be seen as being harsh or

oppressive towards her son, at least not through her speech. Things might have been different from

another point of view, but through this objective one the narrator brings out the mother’s words in

much more positive light.

32 | P a g e

Now we move to the ending of the story where we see the transformation of point of view and

the narrator starts to use third person limited instead of objective. At the end of the story, the narrator

informs us of the mother’s emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed

him. She had felt the tug of his lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who

controlled her now, who made her isolation total.” (Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire

mother-son relationship. The mother can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction

‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. Let us

take a closer look at another segment near the end of the story, when the narrator interjects between a

conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television show. “In all his acts of bravado

there had never been violence - when he refused to open his schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a

basement when he acquired a car without money. No one would deny his cleverness, cunningly

concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being baffled by him, but there was never

violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son has never been violent in his life

when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of emotion or statement one

would expect the mother to say, since she loves Gilbert. The narrator has no obligation to support the

son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards the mother’s emotions

reiterating that the ending is being narrated in the third person limited point of view. Or a more

unorthodox take on this would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead

wants us to perceive that it is a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.

This transformation from third person objective to third person limited has raised further

complexities, especially on the reliability of the narrator. It seems as though we cannot fully trust the

narrator since the reality of the story pulled out through the third person objective is now

distinguishable from the reality of the mother which can be seen at the end through the third person

limited point of view. This is where the ending plays such a significant role in leaving the lasting

33 | P a g e

impression on us. Debra Spark in her essay ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ emphasizes the importance the

closing has on a story. “The convention is that a closing will tie together the body of the story by offering

an image or thought or final piece of information that gives one last perspective-enhancing look on what

has just happened.” (Spark Pg 112) She also states that an ending sticks “in a reader’s short term

memory” (Pg 106). Therefore, once we finish reading a story it is the ending we immediately think about

the most. Relating to “Gilbert’s Mother” it is the image of the mother’s sense of oppression that we

extract from the ending, through the third person limited point of view which leaves us most baffled

about nature of their mother-son relationship

It has been established that the ending through the third person limited narration makes us

view Rosalie as an overbearing mother who is too paranoid about her son. However, we still cannot the

rest of the story where the mother is seen as a loving and caring character who simply wants what is

best for her son given the circumstances she was facing. One could look at the point of view

transformation as Trevor’s way of bringing out this complex mother-son relationship rather than

focusing on solving the murder case. The two differing point of views set the mother in both positive

and negative lights, something which the author would have much more difficulty in doing using just

one point of view. In a way one could say that through this unconventional method of using two point of

views, Trevor is giving us an example of a mother who is seemingly perceived as typical from a glance

from a distance, but once we take a closer look at her thoughts, actions and reactions to her son’s

activities do we realize that she is not typical after all. Thus, it is the narrator’s change in point of view to

third person limited that helps us take that closer look of the mother and change our impression of her

at the end.

34 | P a g e



- You have a very clear and coherent structure, excellent job with that

- Make sure, though, to include a clear consequence and so what

- Explicate on your quotes just so your reader can completely follow your though process

- You could add in a so what paragraph before your conclusion

- In your conclusion make a broader statement to leave your reader with a question


- Your common ground is not strongly related to your argument. You are saying, “the third person

limited completely changes our perception”. Compared to this, your quote is little too vague. You

can find a quote that indicates the importance of choosing the right POV for the fiction.

- For your intro, I see all the elements. So good job!! However, you did present two articles that you

are going to use but it is no distinctive enough. For me, objective point of view sounds like a

broader term for third person limited. Therefore, I was confusing about ‘what does third person

limited changed from?’ Just be clear your ‘objective pov and third person limited are different

POVs’. Note what POV has changed into what POV. What does this means to the story. So, what are

you saying(arguing) about this Issue(claim). Then So what about your claim? What does this do to

your story?

35 | P a g e

Essay 2 Final Draft


“To succeed at this most challenging aspect of the writer’s craft, pick one approach per short

story or novel” (Sexton Pg. 177) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View II’. Sexton lays out

several strategies on how to narrate a story in third person point of view in his essay but suggests that a

story remains consistent with one. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a mother who suspects that

his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it. William Trevor, the author

of this story, initially narrates using the third person objective point of view but later transforms into the

third person limited point of view. When narrated in the objective point of view, the mother is seen as

typical and caring, merely troubled by the presence of a wayward and disturbed son. However, once the

point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the ending

of the story. It is the ending which plays a crucial role in altering our view of the mother, who is now

instead seen as oppressive and overbearing. One can infer that Trevor deliberately transforms point of

view and violates Sexton’s ‘POV Contract’ in order to imply further complexities in their mother-son

relationship than we initially expected.

In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person objective point of view as a

narrator who merely presents ‘action, dialogue and description’ (Pg 171). The narrator is not allowed to

read the mind or thoughts of the character, and presents no view or judgment on them either. Sexton

uses this example to clearly show how this third person object point of view works. ‘To examine this

problem from the writer’s perspective, if you tell a story using this POV strategy, you may not tell your

characters that you may feel happy, but you may describe a smile’. Thus, the narrator can only iterate

the actions of a character, which in this case a character smiles but the narrator cannot explicitly tell us

36 | P a g e

the character’s feelings which may have caused the smile. On the other hand, third person limited point

of view restricts the narrator to just the perspective of one character in the short story. Similar to the

third person objective even in this point of view the narrator cannot ‘judge, interpret or even explain’

(154). We only get a sense of the thoughts and feelings of one single character, thus sometimes one can

sense the intimacy of a first person point of view narration.

We can clearly see that ‘Gilbert’s Mother’ begins in a third person objective narration. Consider

the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by describing the murder. “On November 23,

1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a

nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death between the hours of ten fifteen and

midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One

can see no personal intake onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of

the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be

stated in a newspaper, the rest of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person

objective should sound like. Further instances at the beginning of the story continue to emphasize the

presence of the third person objective point of view in the story. Let us look at two instances when the

narrator describes both the mother and the son. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a month ago peeled potatoes at

the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her features; her round, pretty face

had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing them fairly.” (Pg. 64) Again, one can

see that the descriptions show no form of opinion. We can see her ‘kitchen’ surroundings and the music

playing in the background and the description of her ‘round’ face with ‘wrinkles’ does not tell us of the

narrator’s feelings towards her looks. “Gilbert was dark-haired, five feet eight inches tall, sparely made.

His features were neat: a fine mouth and nose, brown eyes very like his mother’s, high cheekbones.”

Even here, the narrator is ascribing certain qualities to the son without any emotional input into it,

similar to the description of the mother. Maybe ‘his features were neat’ is the closest instance where

37 | P a g e

the third person objective sort of sways away, but then again the rest of the qualities such as ‘high

cheekbones’ and ‘brown eyes’ like his mother just bring back the objective point of view.

It is the narration of the third person objective point of view that perceives the mother in much

more positive light. At one point in the middle of the story the narrator tells us of several events which

portrayed Gilbert’s erratic behavior. “When he was nine Gilbert underwent psychiatric treatment. The

immediate reason for this was that he did not return from school one day. He should have returned on

the bus, traveling with a handful of other children who lived in the same neighborhood” (Pg 66). This

shows that Gilbert really did not seem to be like ordinary children. Being so rebellious at the age of 9

seems quite disturbing and justifies why the mother would look to psychiatric treatment for her son. We

later find out that Gilbert called in the next morning after staying over in the basement of another

apartment. “He gave his mother no explanation”. Since we never get to know the circumstances as to

why Gilbert did not return home due to the nature of the third person objective point of view, it can be

seen that the mother would find this behavior troublesome and for the love of her son would look to

seek help on this matter. If we look at instances of what the mother says in reply to or questioning

Gilbert, we get a further sense of her caring attitude. Again around the middle of the story when the

mother is begins to think that Gilbert could be involved in the murder, Gilbert brings with him a

newspaper from a public house to which the mother replies ““Thank you, dear” she said, returning his

smile”. Soon after when Gilbert offers her tea, his mother responds with “No, not tonight, dear”. As we

never get to intrude into the heads of either of the characters, the constant usage of ‘dear’ by mother

can only be seen in a soft spoken and caring way. The mother cannot be seen as being harsh or

oppressive towards her son, at least not through her speech. Things might have been different from

another point of view, but through this objective one the narrator brings out the mother’s words in

much more positive light.

38 | P a g e

Now we move to the ending of the story where we see the transformation of point of view and

the narrator starts to use third person limited instead of objective. At the end of the story, the narrator

informs us of the mother’s emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed

him. She had felt the tug of his lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who

controlled her now, who made her isolation total.” (Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire

mother-son relationship. The mother can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction

‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. Let us

take a closer look at another segment near the end of the story, when the narrator interjects between a

conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television show. “In all his acts of bravado

there had never been violence - when he refused to open his schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a

basement when he acquired a car without money. No one would deny his cleverness, cunningly

concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being baffled by him, but there was never

violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son has never been violent in his life

when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of emotion or statement one

would expect the mother to say, since she loves Gilbert. The narrator has no obligation to support the

son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards the mother’s emotions

reiterating that the ending is being narrated in the third person limited point of view. Or a more

unorthodox take on this would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead

wants us to perceive that it is a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.

This transformation from third person objective to third person limited has raised further

complexities, especially on the reliability of the narrator. It seems as though we cannot fully trust the

narrator since the reality of the story pulled out through the third person objective is now

distinguishable from the reality of the mother which can be seen at the end through the third person

limited point of view. This is where the ending plays such a significant role in leaving the lasting

39 | P a g e

impression on us. Debra Spark in her essay ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ emphasizes the importance the

closing has on a story. “The convention is that a closing will tie together the body of the story by offering

an image or thought or final piece of information that gives one last perspective-enhancing look on what

has just happened.” (Spark Pg 112) She also states that an ending sticks “in a reader’s short term

memory” (Pg 106). Therefore, once we finish reading a story it is the ending we immediately think about

the most. Relating to “Gilbert’s Mother” it is the image of the mother’s sense of oppression that we

extract from the ending, through the third person limited point of view which leaves us most baffled

about nature of their mother-son relationship

It has been established that the ending through the third person limited narration makes us

view Rosalie as an overbearing mother who is too paranoid about her son. However, we still cannot the

rest of the story where the mother is seen as a loving and caring character who simply wants what is

best for her son given the circumstances she was facing. One could look at the point of view

transformation as Trevor’s way of bringing out this complex mother-son relationship rather than

focusing on solving the murder case. The two differing point of views set the mother in both positive

and negative lights, something which the author would have much more difficulty in doing using just

one point of view. In a way one could say that through this unconventional method of using two point of

views, Trevor is giving us an example of a mother who is seemingly perceived as typical from a glance

from a distance, but once we take a closer look at her thoughts, actions and reactions to her son’s

activities do we realize that she is not typical after all. Thus, it is the narrator’s change in point of view to

third person limited that helps us take that closer look of the mother and change our impression of her

at the end.

“Gilbert’s Mother” is a story that makes us think a bit more about the mother-son relationship.

Although we associate the mother being a bit harsh in nature in the end of story, does it necessarily

make her a bad person? If we consider the mother to not have any psychological problems, then all of

40 | P a g e

her actions and thoughts are generated from her love for Gilbert. Can we blame her for loving her son

too much then? Effectively, the mother’s thoughts towards Gilbert are not really affecting Gilbert’s role

in the crime. If he is truly guilty, then it is the rule of law and justice of the state that will handle the

crime scene. As far as the mother goes, she has the right to think whatever she wants to about her son.

The mother would never intentionally want to harm her son. The feelings a mother has for their child is

indefinable and no other person can question or judge it.

41 | P a g e

Self-Assessment 3

The most significant improvement in my writing after finishing Essay 2 is my ability to

use evidence. Compared to my use of evidence and explication in Essay 1, there is a dramatic

improvement which can be seen in Essay 2. I don’t drop quotes anymore and expect people

who read it to understand them straight away. I can now look at some specific points in the

textual evidence that I am using and explain its significance in a manner which furthers my

argument. I feel that this is a great attribute that I have picked up now and my arguments in

Essay 2 look to be much stronger than the ones proposed in Essay 1 due to better usage of

evidence and proper explication.

There has also been considerable improvement in the consequence and the claim

components of the essay. Although my claim seemed weak initially in the Essay 2 Conference

Draft, I made some major changes and was able to turn it around and make the new claim, in

the Essay 2 Peer Response Draft, more specific. It helped me narrow down my focus for the rest

of the essay, which proved to be fruitful as the essay had a much better flow this time around.

There are still a few issues which I still need to work on. I found it a bit difficult to bring

in that third source and compare it to the story my argument was based on. I think I brought

that source in later, and I possibly could have introduced it much earlier in the essay and refer

to it throughout. Furthermore, I think I can further improve on the ‘So What?’ aspect of

argumentative essay writing. It is possibly one of the most essential components of an essay

which can sway someone reading it towards the direction of your argument. Writing a concrete

and persuasive ‘So What?’ to the claim will be my primary focus for Essay 3.

42 | P a g e

Essay 3

43 | P a g e

Essay 3 Workshop Draft

Varying Diction in Fiction to Distinguish Culture

Style and voice are two essential elements of story writing. Even when we read stories,

sometimes the author’s narration can be perceived as if we are hearing the words. Adam Sexton, a

teacher of fiction writing in his book “Master Class in Fiction Writing” dedicates a chapter on how

writers can use various techniques to present these auditory effects. He argues that although many

writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. This essay

will focus on only one of the aspects of style, the writer’s diction. We see the influence of the author’s

choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’ written by John Edgar

Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a girl of black ethnicity, Kendra, who from claiming to be a victim of racism in

a predominantly white college campus ends up as the culprit. Upon reading the story gives one the

feeling that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s

perspective. The presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency and makes it confusing and hard to

follow the story. Many can find it too offsetting and lose interest to complete the story all together.

However, those who do read to the end realize that the author deliberately uses more than one voice to

make it more realistic in terms of the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of

voices brings out the distinct cultural differences between the black and white communities in America.

Let us look at what Sexton tells us about style and voice in his essay. “Voice stands for the voice

that you hear in your head as you read, the sound of the story.” (Sexton Pg 181) He calls voice an

“illusion” (Pg 182). It is an illusion because we never actually ‘hear’ what the author writes. Even when

we read out aloud a story, it is our own voice that we hear. This is where the concept of voice becomes

hard to control, since we can read it whichever we want to. Here, Sexton interjects the role of style into

44 | P a g e

how we read and ‘hear’ the story. Sexton writes, “Style, in turn, consists of the choices a writer makes,

in the act of writing, related to the presentation of the material rather the material itself.” (Pg 182) Thus,

it is through the style that the author tries to bring out the voice of the story. Diction, the author’s

choice of words plays an influential role in our apprehension of the story. Various aspects of word choice

from the origin of the word, its cultural affiliation and context it is used in ultimately affects the voice of

the narration.

Now that the distinction between style and voice has been made, we can consider how there

are multiple voices present in ‘Signs’. The story starts off with an extended metaphor which goes “Fox

quick on thin, giddy coyote legs is what she thinks watching on a nature special this bizarre, lean-

muzzled aardwolf claw open a termite mound and lap up with its long, curly tongue hundreds of

scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching

nature show on television. The use of words here such as ‘scampering’ and ‘claw’ are ones that we

would associate with the movement of insects, so it fits in perfectly with the scene. It is a distinct voice

we can hear, similar to the one the narrator of the documentary shown on television. In other words,

the voice would seem monotonous and spoken in a soft, consistent tone. However, this voice does not

last long and Kendra introduces us to her aunts, who speak in their native black dialect. “G’wan, Bell.

She ain’t no child no more. This a grown woman you’re addressing. Been halfway round the world and

back. More good sense in her pretty little toe than you got in your whole roly-poly self.” (Pg 76) The

diction used here is quite different from the previous instance. The words “ain’t no child no more” show

that strong native dialect as it does not follow the rules of grammar. The voice does bring out that

colloquial sense of her speech. Even the word ‘roly-poly’ is one which you would not hear on a regular

basis and pertains only to that an elderly person of the black community would use. Thus, by coming

across three pages into the story we are already ‘hearing’ two distinct voices, which both serve their

purposes in terms on context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when

45 | P a g e

Kendra is speaking to one of her Professors. She says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re saying

must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I read

Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of words

I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one would

hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial sense,

but correct in grammar. Although Kendra comes from same native black background like her aunts, her

voice when speaking to her Professor is not of their dialect.

It is now evident that there are three separate voices which seem to operate in the story and

take their place depending on the context of the event of the story. The change is sometime sudden,

which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this when the black students

congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism. “Ain’t but one issue. Get the

cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in J.V. football in that jive prep

school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s

act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93) Again, similar to the Aunts, the

black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to make sense out of the

conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author does his best to bring

out the reality and puts us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such

as ‘cracker’ and ‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such

as ‘aggressive’ or ‘strong’. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us really ‘hear’ the

word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the meeting. Therefore,

it serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from the rest and also giving us

a vivid impression of their voice of speech.

46 | P a g e

Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” is a modern classic set in South Korea. The story revolves an

American widow who comes to a resort to recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local waiter

who is grieving the recent death of his brother. Here we have two characters from starkly different

backgrounds and cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances

when Jim speaks in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It

takes no longer than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the

American widow on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. She later interjects her husband

into the conversation, “My husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over

there.” (Yoon Pg 9) None of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of

the story. One would assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different

from that of the American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying

diction used makes it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.

Sexton does not tell us about the implications of a story possessing multiple voices. He does

however emphasize the importance of having “your own voice on the page” (Sexton Pg 191). He goes on

discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the story.

This advice from Sexton correlates Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s character.

The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and the other

black students in the meeting to speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read her in a

voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of Kendra’s letter

to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due to skin color.

“A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern snacks. Or blank

squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.” (Wideman Pg 89)

The style in which she is writing to her mother is similar to the diction she uses when speaking to her

Professor shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students, Kendra uses ‘with’. She

47 | P a g e

seems to have a consistent voice regardless to who she is speaking to, whether it is to her mother or

other white people of her university community.

The use of multiple voices really does alter the way in which we perceive the story. This

distinction becomes clear once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” take effect. In

“Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the characters

are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect between the black and

white communities are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the voices. Imagine if the

Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and not switch the style at

all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal and realistic touch that it does now. The other

implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their ethnic

voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to show that

it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in receiving

end of the countless racist attacks. Thus, by varying the voices, Wideman also portrays the true colors of

racism that was present at the time he wrote this story.

Word Count: 1,862 words

48 | P a g e

Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes

Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes

- Consequence not concrete enough. What are we misunderstanding from the story? Can we argue

what we find confusing? We need a consequence which is tied to the story.

- If we don’t see the author even use those multiple voices, how do we read the story? (Should be

the consequence)

- In claim, take out ‘realistic’ from claim

- So what? = seems more like a conclusion now. Should indicate what the change of voice

- In a deeper sense, the use of multiple voices allows us to convey the idea.

- The distinct voices are the cause of the racism in America.

- Write about second story in the intro

- How does the use of multiple voices allow Wideman to imply the way we perceive the story?

- Story ends peacefully in Once the Shore. Does not end peacefully for Signs. Introduce Once the

Shore a bit more clearly.

- Lack of multiple voices would lead to peace otherwise.

- Order of Essay should be:

1) Definitions

2) Once The Shore – one voice

3) Signs – one voice (Opposition)

4) Consequence (internal conflict)

5) Signs – multiple voices

6) So what? What Wideman achieves through that (external conflict – the cause of racism)

7) Conclusion

Other comments:

- Clarify the story summary in the intro

- Once The Shore quotations are not explicated well enough. Label the style and then show how it

remains consistent throughout the rest of the story (simple sentences (there is a definition to that),

easy to read, sense of calmness) Diction is dramatic vs. Latinate diction. Latin words usually have

more syllables and some are more abstract. Just show the narrative voice is the same throughout.

- Don’t compare narrative to dialogue. Best section to use is what happens in the meeting, Kendra’s

voice and then the aunts voice. Show significant diction choice.

- Divisions within the black community itself are somewhat the cause of racism.

49 | P a g e

Essay 3 Workshop Draft Comments

I really like what you’re writing about and the way you write. Your observations and ideas are very

interesting. You just need to edit this a little bit more (especially your intro) and it will be AWESOME.

Good job!

- Paolo Velez

I really like the content of your essay and your writing style, however I think you could set up more of a

comparison between the two stories you have used. This needs to be brought in right from the

introduction. While I understand that your main focus seems to be on ‘Signs’, ‘Once the Shore’ definitely

needs more explication and comparison with the former

- Vijayta Narang

There is no consequence, or no recognizable consequence. This is because you have a subjective issue

that blocks you from having a concrete idea. ‘Once the Shore’ seems dangling with the essay. It would

have been better if you had introduced it prior. Also, balance the two stories. Be clear why you are using

‘Signs’ and why you are using ‘Once the Shore’ and give a connection between these two to further

relate these two examples to your claim. Your main sentences of the paragraphs tend to merely state

facts. Try to sum up what you will say in that paragraph.

- Julie

First of all, good paper! The topic you are writing your essay is extremely well chosen. Maybe include a

paragraph which you explain how the short story ‘Signs’ would have been perceived if the use of

multiple voices had been absent � main theme of racism in America would not be revealed as clearly.

You probably also need an opposition paragraph.

- Moritz Franz

I love your explication. Need a consequence paragraph and you need to outline your problem more

clearly in your intro. Topic sentences need to be your reasons!

- Maggie Baker

50 | P a g e







writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. We see the

influence of the author’s choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’

written by John Edgar Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a girl of black ethnicity, Kendra, who from claims to be

a victim of racism in a predominantly white college campus. Upon reading the story gives one the feeling

that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s perspective. The

presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency in style throughout the story. It is of stark contrast to

Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore”, a story revolves that revolves American widow who comes to a resort to

recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local Korean waiter who is grieving the recent death of his

brother. Although the characters come from different backgrounds in “Once The Shore”, the author

narrates in one voice. Wideman on the other hand, deliberately uses more than one voice to show us

the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of voices allows Wideman to convey

the idea of the distinct cultural differences between the black and white communities in America.





51 | P a g e







the narration.





scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching













52 | P a g e

purposes in terms on context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when

Kendra is speaking to one of her Professors. She says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re saying

must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I read

Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of words

I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one would

hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial sense,

but correct in grammar. Although Kendra comes from same native black background like her aunts, her

voice when speaking to her Professor is not of their dialect.

In Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” we have two characters from different backgrounds and

cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances when Jim speaks

in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It takes no longer

than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the American widow

on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. It is a simple sentence where there is no dramatic

emphasis on any of the words used. She later interjects her husband into the conversation, “My

husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over there.” (Yoon Pg 9) Notice

even this sentence is quite easy to ready and there is a sense of calmness persisting in the voice. None

of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of the story. One would

assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different from that of the

American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying diction used makes

it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.

Turning our attention back to “Signs” we now know that there are three separate voices which

seem to operate in the story and take their place depending on the context of the event of the story.

The change is sometime sudden, which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this

53 | P a g e

when the black students congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism.

“Ain’t but one issue. Get the cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in

J.V. football in that jive prep school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare

hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93)

Again, similar to the Aunts, the black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to

make sense out of the conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author

does his best to put us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such as

‘cracker’ and ‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such as

‘aggressive’ or ‘strong’. This is where we can see the difference in “Once The Shore” where that

difference in cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one

voice and that of the black students. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally

distinct emotions through just one voice. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us

really ‘hear’ the word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the

meeting. Therefore, it serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from the

rest and also giving us a vivid impression of their voice of speech.



discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the story.

This advice from Sexton correlates Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s character.

The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and the other

black students in the meeting to speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read her in a

voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of Kendra’s letter

to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due to skin color.

“A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern snacks. Or blank

54 | P a g e

squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.” (Wideman Pg 89)

The style in which she is writing to her mother is similar to the diction she uses when speaking to her

Professor shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students, Kendra uses ‘with’. She

seems to have a consistent voice regardless to who she is speaking to, whether it is to her mother or

other white people of her university community.


distinction becomes conspicuous once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” takes

effect. In “Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the

characters are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect within the

black community and the white community are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the

voices. Imagine if the Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and

not switch the style at all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal touch that it does now.

The other implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their

ethnic voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to

show that it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in

receiving end of the countless racist attacks. Even by varying the voices even within the black

community, Wideman poses the thought whether it is the divisions and differences between the black

community itself which is the cause of racism in the first place.

Word Count: 1,933 words

55 | P a g e



- In your fourth body paragraph I think you are trying to say that the different voices actually reveal /

indicate different ethnic or cultural backgrounds. Tell this to us in the topic sentence

- I know you don’t add them until your final drafts but don’t forget your So What? Paragraph


- You are trying to explain and show many different voices at once! I think it would be much better to

divide up those distinct voices and cut this paragraph in to two or three however you like. But this

paragraph is bit too long because it contains so much idea. It will be clear and easier for you to

prove your point when you cut this up.

- For me, background and culture seems redundant. If you are trying to say something else, try to be

specific about what ‘background’ you are arguing for.

- The consequence and so what needs to be directly oppose to each other as you know, however, I

could not find the direct opposition when compared to your so what. Perhaps you can further

develop so what and have an opposition of that very idea in your consequence.

56 | P a g e

Essay 3 Final Draft






writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. We see the

influence of the author’s choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’

written by John Edgar Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a woman of black ethnicity, Kendra, who claims to be a

victim of racism in a predominantly white college campus. Upon reading the story gives one the feeling

that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s perspective. The

presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency in style throughout the story. It is of stark contrast to

Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore”, a story that revolves around an American widow who comes to a resort

to recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local Korean waiter who is grieving the recent death of

his brother. Although the characters come from different backgrounds in “Once The Shore”, the author

narrates in one voice. Wideman on the other hand, deliberately uses more than one voice to show us

the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of voices allows Wideman to convey

the idea of the distinct cultural differences and divides within the black community and between the

black and white communities, leading to racism in America.




57 | P a g e








the narration.





scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching a












58 | P a g e


purposes in terms of context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when

one of the white students is speaking to Kendra. He says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re

saying must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I

read Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of

words I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one

would hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial

sense, but correct in grammar. Thus, the voice we ‘hear’ from the white student is quite different from

what we would associate with that of the aunt.

In Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” we have two characters from different backgrounds and

cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances when Jim speaks

in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It takes no longer

than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the American widow

on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. It is a simple sentence where there is no dramatic

emphasis on any of the words used. She later interjects her husband into the conversation, “My

husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over there.” (Yoon Pg 9) Notice

even this sentence is quite easy to ready and there is a sense of calmness persisting in the voice. None

of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of the story. One would

assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different from that of the

American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying diction used makes

it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.

Turning our attention back to “Signs” we now know that there are three separate voices which

seem to operate in the story and take their place depending on the context of the event of the story.

59 | P a g e

The change is sometime sudden, which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this

when the black students congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism.

“Ain’t but one issue. Get the cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in

J.V. football in that jive prep school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare

hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93)

Again, similar to the Aunts, the black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to

make sense out of the conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author

does his best to put us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such as

‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such as ‘aggressive’

or ‘strong’. Compare this to when the dean of the university, who is white, speaks to Kendra after she

lodges a complaint over the numerous racist attacks on her. The dean says, “Of course you have my

deepest sympathy. I’ve never understood people who do those kinds of things. Yet they’ve always been

with us. Whether we like it or not, we can’t legislate change in people’s hearts.” (Wideman Pg 85) The

point to notice here is that both the dean and black students are addressing Kendra’s problem but their

choice of diction is so different. The dean uses words like ‘legislate’, which you wouldn’t expect the

black student to use whereas the black student discusses the option to ‘whip tons of crackers’. It is

understandable that the dean would use more sophisticated words to uphold his position, but

nevertheless it brings out the unsettling change in voice between the black and white characters in the

story. This difference becomes more prominent if we contrast it with “Once The Shore” where that

difference in cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one

voice and that of the dean. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally distinct

dialogues through just one voice. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us really

‘hear’ the word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the meeting

of the black students. The effect might not have been the same if Wideman had used the voice of the

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dean to show us the dialogue that was taking place in the black students meeting. Therefore, the

presence of multiple voices serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from

the rest and also giving us a vivid impression of their voice of speech.



to discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the

story. This advice from Sexton correlates with Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s

character. The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and

the other black students in the meeting speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read

her in a voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of

Kendra’s letter to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due

to skin color. “A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern

snacks. Or blank squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.”

(Wideman Pg 89) The style in which Kendra is writing to her mother is similar to the diction when the

white student was speaking to her shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students,

Kendra uses ‘with’. She seems to have a consistent voice regardless of who she is speaking to, whether it

is to her mother or other white people of her university community.


distinction becomes conspicuous once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” takes

effect. In “Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the

characters are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect within the

black community and the white community are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the

voices. Imagine if Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and not

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switch the style at all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal touch that it does now. The

other implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their

ethnic voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to

show that it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in

receiving end of the countless racist attacks. Even by varying the voices even within the black

community, Wideman poses the thought whether it is the divisions and differences between the black

community itself which is the cause of racism in the first place.

Racism still persists in the world today, and there is still much debate as to the causes of it. For

the purposes of the essay, could one say that the difference in cultural dialects leads to racism? Maybe

not directly, but it certainly plays a role. It is the dialect and the way we speak which often portrays our

cultural identity, and it is differences between these cultural identities which often results in racism.

Does that mean that by eliminating the various dialects we reduce the effects of racism? We don’t

know. However, no one should be forced to speak a way just because it is not the correct way of saying

it. Who is to say that it is not ‘correct’ in the first place? One way to look at it is that our dialect and the

words we use derive from our heritage and in a way, it defines us. Instead our focus should be on

appreciating these various dialects in which the English language is spoken in rather than judging and

segregating people based on the way they speak.

Word Count: 2319 words

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References

1) Master Class in Fiction Writing, by Adam Sexton (ISBN: 978-0071448772)

2) Mlle. Dias De Corta, by Mavis Gallant

3) Gilbert’s Mother, by William Trevor

4) Getting In and Getting Out, by Debra Spark

5) Signs, by John Edgar Wideman

6) Once the Shore, by Paul Yoon

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