writerstalk volume 18 number 9 september 2010bauer organizing hospitality, and dick amyx kibitzing...

WritersTalkVolume 18

Number 9

September 2010

Monthly Newsletter of the South Bay Writers Club

September SpeakerKelly Harrison—Why Was It Rejected?by Colin Seymour

We were counting on our East of Eden writers conference to jump-start relation-ships with agents and publishers, but now we’re reduced to approaching thoseagents and publishers from afar and sensing the futility to which we’re all tooaccustomed.

We have cause for dejection. But we can learn to avoid cause for rejection.

That’s what SBW member Kelly Harrison will be demonstrating as our Septemberspeaker. She’ll show us 10 (or more, probably) of the typical mistakes that havebeen sabotaging our submissions for publication.

Harrison is wrapping up a pivotal editing role forthe CWC’s soon-to-be-published anthology, andshe has decades of experience editing for literarymagazines (notably Serpentine and Reed) andofficiating lit contests. She has taught not onlycreative writing at San Jose State but also techni-cal and business writing. She figures she hasassessed thousands of poems, short stories, andnonfiction submissions.

So of course, “there are kind of some things yousee over and over,” she says.

Grammar and spelling mistakes are clearly themost prevalent. “If they can’t tell the difference between there, their, and they’re,your and you’re . . . if you have an its-it’s mistake on page three . . . it just sort ofbuilds to the point that hey, I say, ‘Nope, I can find better stories out there.’”

Some of Kelly’s talk will touch upon topics that were to be emphasized at East ofEden.

Memoirs, she said, are “often lacking in significance. That’s one of the things I’lltalk about a lot. Why should someone else read it? It comes back to ‘so what?’ The‘so what’ is sort of the reality of the thing.” For instance, if you’ve been tempted tovent about a dog’s death, you’d be likely to fail unless “you could connect the dog’sdying to something universal.”

Even a good premise can’t overcome faulty execution, though, and that’s usuallyquickly obvious in the manuscript, she said. “If the story doesn’t start well, itprobably doesn’t move well, and it probably doesn’t end well.”

The same goes for an interesting character. “It’s kind of rare that someone builds acharacter that really isn’t likable. Where people tend to fail is in getting that likablecharacter to do something interesting.”

That’s especially true of protagonists in one of Harrison’s favorite genres, mystery.She frequently sees an interesting detective stuck in a “flat mystery,” often owing

Kelly Harrison

East of EdenCanceledIt’s the Economyby Dave LaRoche

How many times have we heard that?So often that it’s become a cliché andeasily ignored.

Your East of Eden Working Group waspaying attention, and, we thought, we’llmodel this conference accordingly:lower fees, reduced registration expec-tations, rich and hearty content, extraeffort with promotion, and we’ll beatthose forecasters yet. But as we watchedour registration over time, we saw thatit wasn’t happening.

When it became known that the avail-ability of the Salinas Conference Centerwas in question and then effectivelyshut down, the obstacles appearedinsurmountable. We then decided that,in order to preserve the credibility thathad been built by our past writersconferences, we had no choice but tocancel East of Eden 2010.

We do regret this action, and weapologize to those hearts that were setto go. It’s a big disappointment to boththose who scraped up the cash to attendand the 50 people who were willing tospeak and present.

Yes, this is a big loss for those expectingto attend, and crushing for those whowere producing the event: ColinSeymour on acquiring presenting staff,Jerry Mulenberg on program, RosanneDavis with promotion, Bill Baldwin oncontests, Bill Belew with logistics, CathyBauer organizing hospitality, and DickAmyx kibitzing and keeping us ontrack.

The East of Eden conference is a SouthBay hallmark, known and loved in our

Continued on page 8 Continued on page 8

2 WritersTalk September 2010

California Writers ClubSouth Bay Branch

—— o ——Executive Committee

President—Bill [email protected] 730-9622

Vice President—Colin [email protected]

Secretary—Sylvia [email protected]

Treasurer—Richard [email protected]

Members-at-Large—Carolyn Donnell andDale King

Central Board Rep

Dave LaRoche (acting rep)

DirectorsPrograms—Colin Seymour

[email protected]

Publicity and Public Relations—Edie [email protected] 985-0819

Membership—Marjorie [email protected]

Hospitality—Vacant

Networking—Cathy [email protected]

East of Eden Conference—Dave [email protected]

Open Mic—Bill Baldwin408 730-9622

Webmaster—Rosanne [email protected]

Workshops—Bill [email protected]

Join UsWe have a membership category that fits you.Dues are $45 per year plus a one-time $20initiation fee. Contact the Membership Chair,Marjorie Johnson.

President’s Challengeby Bill Baldwin

President, South Bay Writers

InsideAccolades 4Time Used Wisely 4August Recap 5View from the Board 6

What is this writing life? And how do we nourish it?

So we all want to be writers, and we all want to know how to doit. How can we be successful? “Teach us to write!” we say.

But is it all that simple?

I sit here watching a film about T. S. Eliot and his first wife,Vivienne. I’ve watched films about the Beat writers. Did I learnanything about writing? I suppose not. Did I learn anythingabout painting by watching films about Toulouse-Lautrec,Gauguin, or Van Gogh?

Well, I learn something about painters and writers, even if I don’t learn aboutpainting and writing! That’s some benefit. But what do I learn? Something abouthow painters and writers approach life. Not how they write or paint, but how theyapproach life. I’ve watched movies about composers. That didn’t teach meanything about writing music. But it taught me a little bit about how composerslive.

But do writers live differently from any other people? Maybe only in the sense thatthey try to put something into words. We are trying to communicate using words.Some of it involves grammar, it is true, but some of it involves organizing what wewant to say. And sometimes, what we are trying to say is not a simple matter ofputting a thought down on paper, but of arranging it to produce an effect.

So how do we learn to write? How do we nourish the writing life? We can learngrammar, we can learn plot construction. But the main thing is that we have toread as many different things as we can, and write as much as we can. And learnas much about the written word as we can. And think about what we want to say,and the reaction we want to provoke—yes, provoke!

I hope to introduce an element of reading and writing into our monthly dinnermeetings. I hope we can have at least one short reading at each meeting, andperhaps some kind of writing. I also hope that, although we have put the East ofEden Conference on the shelf for 2010,we can provide some events that offer alittle of the same experience that East ofEden would have been.

So—for starters—if you are interested,email me with 100 words or so that youthink are well written, either your ownwords or someone else’s. Label it“President’s Challenge.” Maybe I’llread them at next month’s meeting!

My email is [email protected].

See you at the meeting—or at one of ourOpen Mics! WT

Still Seeking Treasurerfor Our Club

Although Richard Burns has gra-ciously continued performing thetasks of Treasurer, we really need tohonor his desire to step down. If youwould be willing to serve on ourSBW Board as Treasurer, pleasecontact Bill at [email protected] will be much appreciated!

WritersTalk Challenge Awards 6Writecraft: Advice Worth Repeating 7Bug! 9

September 2010 WritersTalk 3

WritersTalk

is the monthly newsletter of the South Bay Branch

of the California Writers Club.

Managing EditorRichard [email protected] 297-4438

Contributing EditorsNina AmirBill BelewCarolyn DonnellLisa EcksteinAndrea GalvacsVictoria M. JohnsonJackie Mutz

Submissions

Members of the South Bay Writers Club areencouraged to submit their creative works forpublication in WritersTalk. Suggested word limitsare not absolute; query the editor. Electronicsubmissions should be text or attached MS Wordfile sent to [email protected]; ormail double-spaced, typewritten copy to

Richard Amyx994 No. 2nd StreetSan Jose, CA 95112

Guest ColumnsAlmost Anything Goes (400 words)

News Items (400 words)

Letters to the Editor (300 words)to Andrea [email protected]

Creative WorksShort Fiction (1800 words)Memoir (1200 words)Poetry (300 words)Essay (900 words)

Accolades

[email protected]

Announcements and [email protected]

An announcement is information of interest and value towriters that does not provide direct economic benefit toits originator. Announcements are published free ofcharge.

Advertising is accepted on the basis of its interest andvalue to writers. Advertising rates for Club members, $7per column inch; non-members, $10. We will assist orinsist with layout.

Authors retain all rights to their works; WritersTalkgratefully acknowledges the authors’ permission topublish their works here. Contact individual authors forpermission to reprint.Change of Address: Send changes of address to theMembership Chair [email protected]

Subscriptions: Nonmember subscriptions are $20/year;send a check payable to South Bay Writers Club to theMembership Chair.

Circulation: 200Copyright © 2010 California Writers Club South BayBranch.

Editor’s Perspectiveby Dick AmyxEditor

Works for me

I suppose we might have expected that some people would be reluctant to spend money on the East of Eden Writers’ Confer-ence in these parlous economic times, but who would have thoughtthat the City of Salinas would be forced to shut down its conferencecenter? It is, of course, unfortunate that we’ll have to miss the talksand workshops that had been planned, but it’s also unfortunatethat we’ll be deprived of the sense of community, the energy, thecreative rejuvenation that sends us back to our keyboards with new

ideas and new determination—the writers’ conference vibe.

I completed three years of an electrical engineering curriculum before I went on totake a BA in English (with a creative writing emphasis, even). The economic timesbeing what they were then, I wound up spending fourteen years as a civil engineer-ing technician followed by twenty-five as a technical writer. Because of thatbackground and whatever innate interests drive me, I’ve always kept one foot inthe camp of the physical sciences and one foot in the camp of literature. WheneverI got annoyed with the limited, literal worldview that engineers sometimes exhibit,I’d feel a need to spend some time with the poets; and when the poets became alittle too insubstantial for me, I’d go back for a grounding in the realities of thephysical sciences (like fractals, quarks, and virtual gluons).

A year or so after I left the engineering world behind me, I wanted to get recon-nected with a literary community—a writing community—in which I could partici-pate and recharge that part of my soul. Because Meredy was a member of SouthBay Writers, I tagged along to a couple of meetings with her, and it was at an SBWmeeting that I learned about an adult ed creative writing workshop that EdieMatthews was teaching and signed up for it. Shortly after, I joined SBW too. Thatcreative writing workshop morphed into a critique group when Santa Clara AdultEducation ran short on funds—it’s an unhappy truth that the arts always get theshort end of the stick when funds are scarce—and I’ve continued to participatethere since.

I’ve lamented too many places too many times that years of technical writingcaused my creative faculty to atrophy, but I’ll make no bones about saying onemore time that a primary reason I’ve stuck with the local writing community wasthe hope that its influence could crack me loose and get me writing again.

It seems to be working.

No, I haven’t yet written the Great American Novel, but by seeing what others aredoing, listening carefully to speakers at SBW meetings, attending East of Eden in2008, coming to accept the NaNoWriMo philosophy (write now and to hell witheverything else; edit and rewrite later), which I had for some time scorned, I’mfinally finding myself able to make use of some of the writing techniques I learnedacademically a long time ago and have had reinforced during the past three years.Writing is coming easier for me, and I now have more words of a continuousnarrative in one place than I’ve ever had before. Whether or not this particularwriting is of any consequence is irrelevant: I am both relieved and encouraged bymy success in finally being able to sustain the creation of some fiction. And I’m amuch happier fellow.

So, although we are deprived of the East of Eden vibe this year, we can still find arobust writing community through South Bay Writers and its ancillary activities,and all at bargain-basement prices. A wealth of resources is available to us, and ifit will work for me, chances are that it can work for you, too, no matter where yourwriting interests lie. WT


Accoladesby Jackie Mutz

It seems the seasonsare a bit mixed up inthe Bay Area. Therehave been few blazingdays of summer tocomplain about—fogcreeps in at night aswe slumber and hangsover the hills threaten-ing a repeat perfor-mance. It feels like fall instead of hotAugust days and nights. Days are just abit shorter and night comes earlier.School is around the corner; there is thatsubtle shift in California seasons, some-thing one feels and doesn’t really seeuntil the first fall rains. Suddenly every-thing is green, a precursor to winter’squiet of rest and renewal come spring.

Sorry to hear about the cancellation ofEast of Eden as it is such an amazingconference. Hoping more members will

contact “Accolades” regarding theirwriting news. Four accolades thismonth:

• Robert Balmanno has published hisnovel Runes of Iona, the second in“The Blessing of Gaia” series. Youmay remember his first book, Septem-ber Snow. He will be doing a twenty-city book signing tour between nowand January 2011, mostly here in thegreater Bay Area. More info at Bob’swebsite, robertbalmanno.com.Congrats, Bob!

• Marcela Dickerson just submittedMarcela’s Memoirs to a contest in theChilean newspaper El Mercurio tocommemorate Chile’s 200th Anniver-sary of Independence. Hope you win,Marcela!

• Marjorie Johnson attended theinternational conference of theFibonacci Association in Morelia,Mexico. The Fibonacci Associationpublishes The Fibonacci Quarterly, anacademic mathematics journal

Jackie MutzContributing Editor

devoted to number theory. Involvedas secretary of the board of directorsfor 46 years, she has been on theeditorial board since its inception in1963. She was “surprised and thrilledwhen the association honored me atthe conference banquet. They havededicated the August issue of thejournal to me, and they awarded mean engraved clock for my desk formy many years of service.” A well-deserved accolade, Marjorie!

• Still Life, a short thriller film writtenand directed by Victoria M. Johnson,was accepted for the Silicon ValleyFilm Festival. It was screened at theinaugural festival on Saturday,August 21. Way to go, Victoria!

As you can see, different kinds ofwriting success stories are submitted. Sowhere are yours? We are waiting tohear your news! Remember to email usat [email protected] may the rest of your summer daysbe lazy, peaceful, and not too hot. WT

Time Used WiselyA Preconference Workshopby Dave LaRoche

Thirty-two writers assembled in the airymorning light at the Lookout to dis-cover how to maximize their investmentin a conference—any writers confer-ence. The day was Saturday, July 31,and Ro Davis, with her vast experience,was at the podium. Ro has attended orbeen primary in developing somethirty-odd such events and knows herstuff—and it shows that she knows it.We coffeed up and were particularlyattentive.

First we learned to navigate—to map ourconference routes in favor of ourinterest. We learned to network, andthat a salient feature of a conference isthe ideas roaming through the hall: newways to address old saws; new saws;ways to cut our narrative and combineor disassemble—how to rework toachieve more powerful ideas. Oldwriting axioms, tried and true butforgotten, and now remembered. Takenotes. Ro advised taking recorders. Butbefore you walk through the door,study options and match them to yourneeds: what, who, when, and where tospend your time.

We learned to pitch: what to pitch andhow to pitch it—tips that work. Wediscovered that a synopsis is not a pitch,and that it’s crucial to back away fromthe narrative in favor of its theme. Welearned to be selective when choosingwho to pitch; how complete our bookneeds to be; and when to shut up andbreathe. We need to remember thatagents, too, are people.

Publishing, as it turns out, is half the jobof a writer when the needed promotionis added in. Agents are the gateway tothe traditional publishing we seek, andpitching them, done right, is an effectiveway through. In these sessions it’srequired that we know our book well,both its content and its purpose; that weknow our market and are comfortableworking in it; and foremost, that wesmoothly articulate the sum of them—inabout five minutes. We learned how todo this at this workshop, and that ittakes practice.

I am better prepared now, and here’sanother thing I know. Our precon-ference workshop is becoming a tradi-tion and is well attended. The secret isout—to maximize investment, we mustknow what we’re getting into, and Ibelieve now we are ready.

I refer to the conference as “investment”even though in these times of today’sprivation terror we may consider it anexpense—there goes the caviar for therest of the year. But we are writers. Weaspire to publish and sell what wewrite, and that makes us entrepreneursas well. Yes, we’re in business andseeking success. Businesses invest, andthe result of that investment is capitalthat includes tools and the processes forusing them. Writers conferences are aninvestment, and the wonder is that wenot only get the processes and tools sonecessary to the work but learn on thespot how to use them. I can say withcertainty that a person who invests willleave a conference a much better andmore motivated writer, and with a boxfull of tools.

Since I wrote this, East of Eden has beencanceled, and I thought about with-drawing it. However, second thoughtsbeing occasionally fruitful, I decided itwas worthy, if not for EoE then for anyconference and likely any writers event.What we have learned through theworkshop is valuable, and will staywith us through years of attendingevents—thanks to Rosanne Davis. WT


August RecapPatricia Volonakis Davisby Jackie Mutz

It was business as usual during theAugust South Bay Writers meeting asDave LaRoche passed the gavel back toBill Baldwin to begin his term aspresident. Vice President ColinSeymour reinforced the idea thatmeetings make it possible for us to be asource of support for each other aswriters as well as being a place wherewe can network for opportunity. Othernews:

• The CWC state anthology will bereleased soon.

• Bill read his Kerouac piece tooquickly.

• Dave LaRoche announced theunfortunate cancellation of the Eastof Eden conference due to a laggingeconomy, a flat registration process,and the shutdown of the SalinasConference Center.

• Andrea Galvacs announced thewinners of the Fall WritersTalkchallenge consisting of four catego-ries; memoir, essay, fiction, andpoetry.

• Cathy Bauer is stepping down ashospitality chair, so there is a va-cancy. Dave encouraged members toconsider becoming a board member.

• First-time attendees were introducedand many announced their ownwriting success stories (remember [email protected] toget your news in WT’s “Accolades”column).

And then it was time for everyone’sfavorite part of the meeting, the guestspeaker. Patricia Volonakis Davis,author of Harlot’s Sauce: A Memoir ofFood, Family, Love, Loss and Greece,opened with a question: Who in theaudience was published and did theyuse a traditional or nontraditionalmeans to do so? (Writing this from anaudio tape I do not know how manyanswered, but I gather there were moreunpublished than published authors ofbooks.) Rather than spend her timetalking about the book itself or her newbook, working title The Diva Doctrine,due out in 2011, she focused on the

process of the writer’s journey. “Nomatter how big or small,” she said,“whatever your vision, go after it.”

Over the years, Patricia learned muchabout the business of publishing—sheworked as a sales representative forScholastic, raising sales inventory 150percent while employed there. Shestressed the importance of maintaininga good relationship with your readers,editors, and publishers. Those are thepeople who help you to get where youwant to be—a published writer andauthor. Not paying attention, being

demanding, skipping the editorialprocess, ignoring fellow writers, ignor-ing reviews, and not being involved inthe marketing of your book, are a sure-fire way not to have success in publish-ing. (See her satirical July 22 post onChuck Sambuchino’s Guide to LiteraryAgents blog.)

It is also important to invest the timeand money in finding a good profes-sional editor to “weed out the fluff”after your book is finished. In the firstedition of Harlot’s Sauce, some reviewsnoted there were lots of mistakes(spelling errors). In the second edition,some thought “the last twenty pageswent too fast.” Her advice? Edit yourbook and then do it again; listen to youreditor and keep an open mind. A goodbook is one that has gone through someserious editing, ending up a finishedproduct readers will love.

Building a platform for your book is away to increase the volume of reader-

ship, get your book out there. Thepurpose of a writer’s blog is to attractan audience, which is of course, thepeople who read your book. In usingFacebook, for instance, make sure youknow who you are contacting and why.Be logical in how you want to usecertain tools to make yourself known.One way to do this is to visit the blogsof authors who are writing on the samesubject that you are. Read the blog andleave a comment. Chances are good thatthat blogger will reciprocate and visityour blog and leave a comment. Read-ership of a blog doesn’t happen bymagic; it happens by logic. What youwant to do is appeal to people who areinterested in the topic of your book.Then set a Google Alert on your nameso you’ll know who’s talking about you.As writers, we are an introspectivegroup wrapped up in our own experi-ence. Blogs are a good way to connectwith other writers.

In her book, Harlot’s Sauce, SalsaPuttanesca is so simple to make that aprostitute can do so in between clients.Given limited choices, it is possible to“make something wonderful anyway.”A good example of this is Patriciaherself: from a blog posting entitled“From an Older Woman to a YoungerOne” that went viral came a book soonto be published. It is amazing what canhappen in a writer’s world. WT

Patricia Volonakis Davis: edit, edit, edit.

Autumn in the Redwoods

A three-day writers’ retreat pre-sented by the Northern CaliforniaCWC branches and sponsored bySBW.

When: Oct 20–22, 2010 (Wed–Fri)

Where: Pema Osel Ling TibetanBuddhist Retreat Center in theSanta Cruz Mountains

Cost: $225 for two nights, threedays, including all meals, lodging,and workshop; $165 fordaytrippers (no lodging)

Space is limited to 25. For moreinformation, contact Dale King,[email protected]


View from the Boardby Sylvia Halloran

Board meeting August 4, 2010

Present were Dave LaRoche, MarjorieJohnson, Colin Seymour, Dick Amyx,Bill Baldwin, Sylvia Halloran, CarolynDonnell, and Dale King.

Minutes of July 14, 2010 approved.

Officers’ ReportsPresident (Bill Baldwin)• Dale King, appointed treasurer in

July, resigned. Richard Burns,former treasurer, helped with thePitch workshop but doesn’t wish tocontinue.

• Bill Belew stepped down as Work-shop chair. Nina Amir agreed to takeover.

• WritersTalk editor position interestsBill Belew.

• Cathy Bauer retired from Hospital-ity/Network chair.

• Possibility of changes to dinnermeeting structure.

• President attended first annualCapitol City Young Writers’ Confer-ence in San Anselmo July 17. JamesRedford, Paul Kaufman, DavidCorbett, Peter Beagle, Jane Friedman,Peter Beren, and Verna Dreisbachspoke. SBW could encourage youngwriters in our area. Karen Sweet andSuzette Gamero are no longerinterested in pursuing this.

• East of Eden conference: are thereonly two choices? Would a shorterconference make any sense?

Vice President (Colin Seymour)• August—Patricia Volonakis Davis:

How she slathered sauce on hermemoir.

• September—Kelly Harrison: Top 10ways to get your manuscript rejected.

• October—Mahesh Grossman: GhostWriting.

• November—Tanya Egan Gibson:World-building. How to createfictional settings that excite thereader, shape characters, and propelthe characters into action.

Treasurer (Richard Burns acting)• Balance on July 31: $28,390. $6K goes

to State CWC in Aug/Sep.• Pitch Workshop: 32 paid attendees,

one no-show. Gross Revenue $705(23 CWC members of which ~16SBW; 9 nonmembers). PayPalexpenses=$18.93; Meal expenses(Lookout Restaurant at $18/meal)=$630. Net Profit=$56.07.

• No new treasurer has been found.Richard Burns, Dave LaRoche, andMarjorie Johnson are still signatorieson the checking account.

Treasurer’s report accepted.

Committee Chair ReportsCentral Board (Dave LaRoche)The anthology West Winds Centennialmoves toward printing at LSI withproofs due back August 3. Will retail for$16, member discount available.

NorCal Group (Dave LaRoche)• Leadership Conference scheduled for

August 22—$65. Dave moved toapprove $325 to fund participationfor up to five officers. Dale sec-onded. Marjorie offered an amend-ment to include committee chairmen.The amended motion was approvedunanimously.

• Fall Retreat scheduled for October 20through 22—$226. Ten are currentlyregistered for the retreat but 25participants are necessary to qualifyfor the good caterer. Flyers will be atTuesday’s meeting.

• NorCal itself has no budget and noaccess to money. CWC branchessponsor projects as members proposethem; a separate, temporary accountis set up and an insurance rider isobtained.

Membership (Marjorie Johnson)• Presently 217 names on roster; 170

have paid dues. Haven’t heard from40 people; 5 people promised to pay.

• Since CWC doesn’t require paymentuntil October 15, the August 10deadline was questioned. Collectingmonies and assembling the rostertake time. Dave moved that SBWestablish September 15 as the re-newal deadline, for this year andfrom this year on. Colin seconded. 6ayes. 2 abstentions. 2010 paymentswill be honored as on time untilSeptember 15.

Newsletter (Dick Amyx)August issue of WritersTalk: 16 pages,printed and mailed July 29. Press run:221 dues-paid members, 12 comps, and

15 extras, total 248. July issue cost:$269.54.

PublicityColin will keep Edie posted on informa-tion she needs to publicize club events.

HospitalityCathy stepped down as hospitalitychair. President makes arrangementswith the Lookout. Dinner costs $15.75per person.

WebmasterHosting service and domain bill ar-rived, $58/year. Carolyn, webmastercome October, will handle the contractwith the web builder.

Open Mics (Bill Baldwin)Number of readings since the last boardmeeting:

• 7/ 16 (Pruneyard) —7 readings.• 7/ 23 (Sunnyvale)—11 readings

Old BusinessNew TreasurerRecommendations for filling the posi-tion are welcome.

2010 East of Eden ConferenceEnrollment languishes, venue uncertain.A decision to continue the effort will bemade by August 24, 2010.

New BusinessDinner Meeting StructureForego passing the mic around; maketables available for welcome andinformation about writing opportuni-ties. Writing during meeting?

Future WorkshopsNina is new workshop chair. Four peryear, including one for youth.

Youth ProgramsSBW might hold college writing compe-titions with prizes for paid attendees ofCWC Retreats.

Next Meeting September 8, 2010

Adjourned 9:10 p.m. WT

Sept. AllEveryone’s day in the sunShould come: all writers have funWith bragging: “See, I’m published

here!”Don’t knock it,Cash or praise in the pocket.Then enjoy that cheer!

—Pat Bustamante


Writecraft: AdviceWorth Repeatingby Lisa Eckstein

As I write about thecraft of writing, Isometimes worry thatI’m repeating myself.I’m certainly repeatingadvice that I’velearned from otherwriters, who fre-quently share thesame advice as still others. There’s areason for all this repetition. The tipsI’ve encountered over and over againare the best ones out there. I’ll take myturn at sharing:

1. Present a scene, not an explanation.This is what people mean by “Show,don’t tell,” an instruction that alwaysstruck me as enigmatic. Readers want toexperience the events of a story alongwith the characters, so give them vividaction, dialogue, and sensory details,not a recap.

“Douglas and Bonnie argued over thelaundry” is far less interesting than ascene in which the argument plays outthrough hurled insults and undergar-ments. Instead of stating “Howie feltanxious,” describe the physical effectsof Howie’s anxiety or reveal histroubled thoughts. Avoid genericdescriptions such as “Meredith wascute” that neither paint a picture for thereader nor offer insight into the mind ofthe character who’s appreciatingMeredith’s cuteness.

During important parts of a story, allowthe reader to get inside the scene andthe characters. At times, however, it willbe appropriate to summarize. If theargument about laundry is incidental, asentence of exposition may suffice.

2. Leave out the boring parts. Noteverything that happens to the charac-ters has to appear in a story. The logicof a plot often requires characters toundertake the same kinds of actionsthat bore us in real life: traveling fromplace to place, deciding what to cook fordinner, getting ready for bed. Unlesssomething significant occurs duringthese events, sum them up in a fewwords or skip over them. Writers havethe power to move characters throughspace and time with magic phrases like

“When he arrived at the factory,” “Afterhours of research,” and “The nextmorning.”

Repetition is boring. Don’t write a scenein which a character reflects on or tellssomeone about a previous scene. Evenif the musing or reporting is intended tooffer juicy new insight, take care not torepeat information that the readeralready knows.

Stay away from predictable characters,obvious situations, generic details, andcliché phrases. Unexpected alternativesare harder to come up with, but they’rerarely boring.

3. Reveal setting through charactersand characters through setting. Everyperson views the world from a uniqueperspective. A newcomer to a citynotices different details than a longtimeresident, who has different associationsthan someone who hoped never toreturn. A woman about to deliver ababy doesn’t react to a hospital in thesame way as a child with a terminally

sick parent, and their observations areboth unlike those of a medical student.

To write descriptions worth reading,adopt a character’s perspective on thesurroundings. The emotions andmemories connected to a place are atleast as evocative as the sights andsounds, and they give the readerinformation about character as well assetting.

4. Introduce conflict everywhere. Muchof the conflict in a story comes fromobstacles that prevent a character fromreaching a goal, and it’s a good policy tocreate as many impediments as pos-sible. Other characters are a wonderfulsource of conflict. Keep pleasant,agreeable character interactions to aminimum or risk a story that drags fromlack of tension.

Even settings and details can providefriction when they clash with acharacter’s nature. Drag a shy character

Lisa EcksteinContributing Editor

WritersTalk Challenge AwardsTwice a year, in February and August, awards of a certificate and a $40 check aregiven to contributors to WritersTalk. You need take no special steps to enter thiscompetition; if your piece in one of the designated genres is published in Writers-Talk, you are a contestant in the Challenge. The August winners were

Fiction: Marcela Dickerson, for “Life Sentence”

Article/Essay: Phyllis Mattson, for “Learning to Speak”

Memoir: Julia Crane, for “Gathering Family: An Adoptee’s Search for Kinship”

Poetry: Richard Burns, for “My Wife’s Ghost”

Available for the picture: Challengemistress Andrea Galvacs, Marcela Dickerson,Richard Burns.

Continued on page 9


to “a truncated climactic scene. It startsoff well, the tension builds up . . . andthen they end the story. The best thingis to hold that tension as long as youcan. There are a lot of stories that don’tdo that.”

But this story isn’t one of them.Harrison didn’t come all that close torevealing the denouement of herSeptember 14 presentation, but you canbe pretty sure it’s full of people shoot-ing themselves in the foot. Being therejust might save your literary aspira-tions. WT

Continued from page 1September Speaker

writers community, and we will comeout with another in a couple of years.We aren’t giving up; rather, we’retaking a breather while the economycorrects itself and the availability of avenue gets resolved.

We thank all of you for your under-standing, and particularly those facilita-tors, teachers, agents, and speakers whoeagerly committed their time. We thankthe hoteliers, our caterer, the Turf Club,the CWC branches that helped with ourpromotion; and the community ofSalinas that regularly hosts us. We askthat you keep us in mind for the nextEast of Eden Writers Conference, whenthe jewel of the west will shine again.

By the way, there are other, shorter, lessexpensive conferences this fall. Red-wood Branch, up the road in SantaRosa, will hold a Saturday conference inOctober. Check redwoodwriters.org fordetails. Or, should you hanker for adrive through the cacti and scrub, HighDesert Branch is hosting its conferenceon September 25; details at hdcwc.org.

Again, thank you for your support andunderstanding; and we hope to see youin the fall of 2012. WT

Continued from page 1East of Eden CanceledWhat Do I Want?

What do I want?Really, what do I want?

Give me a minute; a day; a year.Now I’ve thought on it;It’s getting clearer.I’ve made it through the silence.

So here goes:Why not start with stuff that really counts?The gift of a handsome face and a fat-free, washboard stomach.I’m not all that sure I could actually deal with it, but test me.

Give me a knowledgeable, unconfused mind,A straight tongue, a true voice.Let me tell it as I see it, easy and honest,And let all who care to, have a chance to listen.

Give me a journey. Give me a searching, a yearning,To eliminate my ignorance,To understand that which I am curious about.I want to be suffused in positive feelings, laughter, rocking out;Singing, movement, dancing, and warm smiles from others.Good times with my kids, with them just one time asking:“Oh, Dad, tell us about how it was.”Give me a friend or two or six,Let me have a sense of humor, be often happy, often content.Grant me the gift of tolerating people I don’t agree with.

What do I want?Let me enjoy the moment, the now, a pace that is sane.Give me short winters. Protect me from pain.A world that gets better along my way,And a life of discovery, tomorrow and the next day.Along with these, just give me strength, energy, and a courageous attitude of can-do—that’s all I want—A journey with only these . . . and bees and trees . . . oh, yes! . . . and you.

—Richard A. Burns

You must stay drunk on writingso reality cannot destroy you.

—Ray BradburyWrite On! Story Contest

The annual Write On! Story Contest,formerly The WestSide Story Contest,is open to all genres of literaryfiction. The contest, in its sixth year,is now hosted by the Berkeley Branchof the California Writers Club.Started in the early 1900s by JackLondon and his writing friends, theCWC is the third oldest organizationof its kind in the country.

First Prize: $2502nd Prize: $1003rd Prize: $50

Deadline: October 1. For submissionrules and details go tocwc-berkeley.com.

Fault Zone!Fault Zone: Words from the Edge, ananthology of short stories, will bepublished this fall by the SF/Penin-sula Branch of California Writers.Your piece should relate to theanthology’s theme in some way.Interpret as you wish and have fun.

First Prize is $300 and publication inour Fault Zone anthology. SecondPrize is $100. Third Prize is $50.Contest deadline has been extendedto September 30, 2010. Reading fee is$15.

Submission rules and details atcwc-peninsula.org. Click the Con-tests/Events tab.


onto a TV talent competition or strandan Internet addict in a remote mountainvillage. For extra discord, challenge thereader’s expectations and make the techfiend neither young nor socially awk-ward.

5. Say more with snappier dialogue.Written dialogue should resemble realspeech but not reproduce it. In real life,people spend a lot of time makingunimportant remarks or saying thingsthey’ve said before. Don’t waste spaceand reader attention on this boringrepetition. Skip past the greetings,introductions, and small talk to get tothe meat of a conversation.

Characters can still sound authenticwhile speaking more concisely than realpeople. Leave in the interesting, ob-stacle-riddled parts of actual speech:evasion, interruption, misunderstand-ing. Throw in a healthy dose of dis-agreement and emotion for dialoguethat snaps with conflict.

These five pieces of advice are easy topass on, but I know they aren’t straight-forward to follow. Every time I write astory, I find that I need to remindmyself of these guidelines again. I inviteyou to repeat them with me. WT

Continued from page 7Writecraft

Bug!by Bill Belew

“I don’t like spiders and snakes . . . lahdee dah dee dah.” Sing along with mehere. It’ll help set the mood.

I am not afraid of spiders and snakes.And bugs don’t bother me either. Theinvertebrates apparently also don’tstrike fear in my Indian friends.

Yesterday I was sitting at a table in theupper room of a home in Hubli,Karnataka, India. Parashu sat acrossfrom me while his wife, Ranjita, at-tended to household chores in thebackground, when out of nowhere(does anybody really know where bugscome from?) I saw a little bug walkingacross the top of my PC monitor. Helooked like a tiny scorpion. Tiny as initty bitty. And I think it was a hebecause, well, there was one of thoselittle things sticking out from his bodyand girls don’t usually have such items.Anyway, I shoed (I used a real shoe)him away and life was good for about15 minutes.

Then he came back . . . and crawledunder the S key of my keyboard.

“AAAgh!!!” roughly translated into buglanguage means, “Get out from underthere, you stupid tiny critter, before Iupset your unending life cycles anddestroy the karma of these fine peoplewho are hosting me. Now!” Bug lan-guage is pretty efficient.

Taking me seriously it seems, heimmediately headed for daylight . . . butgot STUCK! Serious as a heart attackhere. The bug got stuck under my S key.No, under the V key. Wait! There he isunder the O key.

He couldn’t get back out. And I couldn’ttype or I’d smash his little body, result-ing in rotting bug guts under somearbitrary key for the remaining life ofmy laptop.

What to do? I ripped off the offending Skey, muttering, “Why did you let himunder there in the first place?” as iftalking to an inanimate object was goingto help the situation.

Some ten minutes later and after someviolent shaking of my laptop, not tomention pounding on its sides by myhosts as if it were a child choking on apretzel, the little future star of It’s A

Bug’s Life Part 4 came crawling out. DidI see a smile on his face?

Six hands went after him, one set ofhands bent on making bug powder ofhim and using the residue to makesome kind of foreign anti-viral medicineto protect humans from Indian hacks ofthe most obscure nature.

This next part cannot be made up. Thelittle dude scampered, skipped? (there’sthat smirk again) into one of the holesnext to my touch pad that catch thelatches protruding from the openedlaptop monitor. He went beneath thekeys and the keyboard. Forget It’s aBug’s Life. This guy wanted to be withBrendan Fraser in the next Journey to theCenter of the Earthly Technology.

More violent shaking. “No! Do NOTbounce my laptop off the wall.”

And then someone said, “Let’s havesome ice cream!”

“What?!”

“Ice cream.”

I was trying to get a real virus carrierattack out of my PC and they wantedice cream? “Okay,” says I.

As it turns out, the bug apparently liked(past tense is used here, so you knowwhere this is headed) ice cream too, andsure enough, he came crawling out.

You’d have thought India won theCricket World Cup. Screaming andshouting and jumping for joy. Dancingand flag-waving by the masses (lots offolk live under one roof in an Indianhousehold). I, meanwhile, reached formy other shoe only because there wasno sledgehammer nearby.

Before I could send this once-explorer(on that guy Magellan’s ship, no doubt,and left behind by the famous captainbecause said explorer got stuck under abed in some brothel in the port ofMumbai) into oblivion, my hostgrabbed the little fellow, took him to thebalcony and set him free. Free tobecome a computer hardware engineerin his next life for some Indian companyhoping to replace Dell, HP, or even thatcompany named after a fruit.

“Why should I hire you? What can youbring to our company that no otherhardware engineer has to offer?”

“Well, in a previous life, I investigatedfirsthand the inner workings of success-

ful laptop makers in hopes of reverse-engineering their design and improvingupon . . .”

My hosts smiled, knowing their karmawas safe for the time being and thattheir small kids had not yet seenAmerican Hollywood-type violencefirsthand (Gozbilla vs LeRoy the Bug) andsaid to me, “Welcome to India.”

“. . . ?!”

“Would you like some more ice cream?”

“Okay. Now that my computer hasbeen debugged. But I am not puttingdown my shoe!” WT

There is nothing in the worldthat should not be expressed insuch a way that an affectionateseven-year-old boy can see andunderstand it.

—Leo Tolstoy


Directory of ExpertsDo you have specialized knowledge thatmight help a writer bring authentic detail toa scene? Send a message [email protected] or to theclub post office box and we will add yourlisting to our directory of experts.

Asia, Japan, China, Russia, BloggingBill [email protected]

Astrology, SingingSara [email protected]

Astronomy, History of AstronomyBob [email protected]

Character DevelopmentArLyne Diamond, [email protected]

CounselingDr. Audry L. [email protected]

Engineering: Mechanical,Aero, AerospaceJerry [email protected]

Growing Great Charactersfrom the Ground UpMartha Engbermarthaengber.commarthaengber.blogspot.com

Hiking, Backpacking, Scuba,Bicycling, Classic Cars, RunningRick [email protected]; 408-888-4752

Hospital and Nursing EnvironmentMaureen [email protected]

Internal Medicine/Addiction Disorder/PsychologyDave [email protected]

Library ScienceMolly [email protected]

Marketing and ManagementSuzy Paluzzi, [email protected]

Mathematics: Teaching andHistory; Fibonacci SequenceMarjorie [email protected]

Philosophy, Religion, Evolution,Construction, Crafts, NorseDarwin [email protected]

Profile WritingSusan [email protected]

Real Estate, Horses, Remodeling,Southwest HistoryReed [email protected]; 408-374-1591

Teaching and the ArtsBetty [email protected]

Television ProductionWoody Horn408-266-7040

USMC and NASA/AmesTerry [email protected]

CWC Around the BayThese are the published meeting times andlocations for the other CWC branches in thegreater San Francisco Bay Area. If you’rethinking about attending one of theirmeetings, be sure to check the website firstfor details.

Berkeley: Meetings are held on the thirdSunday of each month, except for July andAugust, at 1:30 at the Oakland PublicLibrary Main Branch. cwc-berkeley.com

Central Coast: Meets on the third Tuesdayof each month except December at the CasaMunras Hotel, 700 Munras Avenue,Monterey. The dinner hour begins at 5:30p.m. and the program begins at 7 p.m.centralcoastwriters.org

Fremont: Meets (except in July, December,and on holiday weekends) from 2-4 p.m. onthe fourth Saturday of the month at DeVryUniversity, 6600 Dumbarton Circle, Room204, Fremont. Contact: Richard Scott,[email protected]; (510) 791-8639

Marin: Meets on the fourth Sunday ofevery month at 2 p.m. at Book Passage inCorte Madera. cwcmarinwriters.com

Mount Diablo: Meets the second Saturdayof each month, except July and August, at11:30 a.m. at the Hungry Hunter Restaurant,3201 Mount Diablo Boulevard, Lafayette(corner of Pleasant Hill Road and Highway24). mtdiablowriters.org

Redwood: Meetings are held on the firstSunday of the month (except for holidayweekends), from 3-5 p.m. at Copperfield'sBooks, 2316 Montgomery Dr., Santa Rosa.redwoodwriters.org

Tri-Valley: Meets the third Saturday ofeach month, except July and August, at11:30 a.m. at the Oasis Grille, 780 MainStreet, Pleasanton. trivalleywriters.com

Sacramento: Meets at 11:00 a.m. the thirdSaturday of every month, except July andAugust, at Luau Garden Chinese Buffet,1890 Arden Way, Sacramento 95815.sacramento-writers.org

San Francisco/Peninsula: Meets on thethird Saturday of each month from 10 a.m.to noon at the Belmont Library, 1110Alameda De Las Pulgas, Belmont.sfpeninsulawriters.com

Ongoing Critique GroupsThe Arm WaversMeets downtown San Jose on WednesdaysContact: Georgia Platts—[email protected] to new members at this time

Writers’ SalonMeets in Santa ClaraContact: Edie Matthews—[email protected] to new members at this time

Le Boulanger WritersMeets at Le BoulangerPruneyard Shopping Center, CampbellContact: Karen Hartley—[email protected] genres; open to all

Northpoint Critique GroupMeets in CupertinoContact: Valerie Whong—[email protected] to new members at this time

Our VoicesMeets in Santa ClaraMeets every other Tuesday 7:15 p.m to 9:30 p.m.Genres: Fiction, nontechnical nonfiction,memoirContact: Dave LaRoche—[email protected] openings at this time

Valley WritersMeets: Valley Village Retirement Center,Santa ClaraMondays 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.Contact: Marjorie Johnson—[email protected] genres; open to all

Stay Informed!

Sign up for the SBW Email List toreceive meeting and eventannouncements.

southbaywriters.com


Poetry Center San Jose Readings

Art Object Gallery1st Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m.(September–May)592 North Fifth St., San Jose

Willow Glen Library2nd Mondays, 7:00 p.m.1157 Minnesota Ave., San Jose

Free admission.

See pcsj.org for details.

Other Open Mics

10Ten GalleryLast Friday, 6:30–10:00 p.m.1010 E. Taylor St., San JoseAl Preciado’s home

Poets@PlaySecond Sunday 1 p.m.–4 p.m.1650 Senter Rd., San JoseMarkham House History Park

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South Bay Writers Anthology

$10At the meeting.On the website.

southbaywriters.com

South Bay WritersOpen Mic

Read from your own work, from yourfavorite authors, or just come to listen.See calendar for schedule.

Contact Bill Baldwin(408) 730-9622 or [email protected]

Check out the new

South Bay Writers

Blogsouthbaywriters.com

Click SBW Journal—Blog

Self-Publishing BootCamp Workshop: Ten

Steps to Self-PublishingSuccess

October 16, 2010

SBW members get a $15 discount forthis all-day workshop with Lisa Alpineand Carla King.

For full details and registration, go toselfpubbootcamp.com/pages/ work-shops/ and use this discount code:SBWWS

California Writers ClubSouth Bay BranchP.O. Box 3254Santa Clara, CA 95055

www.southbaywriters.com

MAIL TO

Address Correction Requested

Next Monthly MeetingTuesday, September 14, 6:00 p.m.

Lookout Inn605 Macara Avenue, SunnyvaleAt the Sunnyvale Golf Course

Kelly HarrisonSJSU teacher, writer, and editor

“Why Was It Rejected?”

WritersTalk deadline is always the

16th of the month preceding the

month of issue and is always

listed on the calendar inside the

back cover.

writerstalk volume 18 number 9 september 2010bauer organizing hospitality, and dick amyx kibitzing...

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