Writing to A*

Five top tips

Which answer is better and WHY?I have noticed that, although the mean and median of the male of female mice are similar, the females’ data is more bimodal (spread out) with lots of mice with either larger weights or very small weights The reason may be that a female’s weight alters significantly when it is pregnant. Thus, the two distinct weight averages within the female group suggests that a selection of the sample were pregnant mice. In contrast, the male mice, have a much narrower mode, suggestingthat their weight is much more consistent. This is because they do not experience the significant weight gain and loss associated with pregnancy.

I have noticed that the mean and median of the males and females is almost the same. I have also noticed that the male mice have a large increase in the middle of the graph whereas the female mice have increased at the beginning and the end. There is a range of light and heavy female mice but mostly the males have average weight. The females could be pregnant.

Some comparison here but no REASONS offered to EXPLAIN it. Pregnancy is mentioned but not linked to the data at all.

Which answer is better and WHY?

The halogen only costs £1.95, which is cheaper than the LED bulb which costs £11.70, but the LED bulb is more efficient and lasts 18 times as long as the halogen does. In the short term, the halogen bulb is cheaper but you would have to buy 18 halogen bulbs in the space of 36,000 hours. Buying 18 halogen bulbs would cost £35.10 whereas you would only need to buy 1 LED bulb in the space of 36,000 hours which is £22.40 cheaper than using halogen bulbs for 36,000 hours.

Unsupported statement about efficiency. If about energy efficiency, need to know how it is more efficient.

Clear analysis of cost in relation to lifetime in hours but waffly and repetitive.

No clear statement of best bulb at the end. 4/6

1

Which answer is better and WHY?

The halogen light bulb is 22% less energy efficient than the LED light bulb. Moreover, it does not last as long. If halogen bulbs were to run for 36,000 hours – the lifetime of one LED – 18 bulbs would have to be bought altogether.

Although one LED, costing £11.70, is more expensive than a single £1.95 halogen bulb, the 18 that would be necessary to make halogen last as long as one LED would cost £35.00. This is £23.30 more expensive.

Overall, the LED light bulb is the best because it last 18 times longer, is more efficient and ultimately costs less money.

Calculation of efficiency is detailed comparison.

Connectives make comparisons clear and guide reader through reasons for final choice.

Complex sentences allow for management of lots of information at once and aid comparison.

Conclusion clearly states which is best.

Paragraphing gives parts of answer structure.

2 6/6

model and encourage 3rd person

Another reason I am shocked by Lear’s actions is that ...

King Lear’s actions are shocking.

When Goneril says “I love you more than word can wield the matter” I think she is being insincere.

Goneril’s assertion that she loves Lear “more than word can wield the matter” sounds insincere because...

Teach key vocabulary that captures complex ideas

King Learimpotent anger – rather than anger that he cannot act on because he has no power left

beyond reason – rather than not based on any logic so impossible to make sense of

trappings of kingship – all the things a king expects to come with his title.

Of Mice and Men – Curley’s wifepainted lady or inappropriately dressed (tart)

of loose morals or Jezebel (!)

Teach ways into essays and connecting sentences for new paragraphs/sections

• Moving on to Curley’s wife in the doorway…

Instead: The first time the reader actually ‘sees’ Curley’s wife is…

• My Last Duchess has a lot of emotion in it.Instead: The theme of emotion in relationships

is also explored by Robert Browning, a nineteenth century poet, in his dramatic monologues. My Last Duchess is based on...

Teach and model nominalisation

Basically, make actions or events into nouns – the subject of your sentence.

• Several sources show that some people doubted General Haig’s leadership.

Doubt about General Haig’s leadership is evident in several of the sources.

• A.J.P. Taylor implies that the Somme was a turning point...

The implication that the Somme was a turning point ... (The sentence is now freed up to include another idea based on this implication.)

Be concise

• Read through work and eliminate repetition or waffly expression.

HELPFUL STRATEGIES:

• Teaching key vocabulary to capture complex ideas will help with this

• Offer appropriate connectives for the style of writing

• model complex sentences that allow the writer to manage more than one idea at once.

So, to sum up:

1. 3rd person

2. key vocabulary/phrasing

3. introductory and connecting sentences

4. nominalisation

5. proof reading for waffle and repetition