writing well: techniques to maximize the success of

WritingWell:TechniquestoMaximizetheSuccessof

FellowshipandGrantApplications.

• Dr.BlakeJones,Ph.D.• PostdoctoralScholar

• DepartmentofBiologicalSciences• FSU

WhatMakesWritingGoodorBad?

• “MefailEnglish?that’sunpossible!”– RalphWiggum(1994)

WhatMakesWritingGoodorBad?Goodwritingis…• ClearandConcise(withinsentencelevel)

– Comprehensioniseffortlessforthereader.• Cohesive(betweensentencelevel)

– Informationflowsunambiguouslyandlogicallyfromsentencetosentence.

• Coherent(paragraphlevel)– Thestructureiswellorganizedanddoesnotwonderamongmultipletopicsormajorideas.

Badwritingis…• ConfusingandAmbiguous

– Comprehensionrequiressubstantialeffort.• Disjointed

– Thestructureispoorlyorganizedandwondersfromtopictotopic.


• Writewithclarity• Betterorganizeyourwriting• Avoid“overwriting”• Besuccinct• Improvethe“flow”• Usecorrectgrammar


• Putcharactersintosubjects• Putactionsintoverbs• Avoidnominalization• Avoid“tobe”verbs• Putnewinformationlast• Avoidsubjectshifting• Omitneedlesswords

LessonI

Clarity

UnderstandingSentences

• Thereaderneedsanswerstotwoquestionstounderstandthewholepicture.1.Whoisthesentenceabout(maincharacter)-subject

2. Whataretheydoing(mainaction)– verb

PutActionsIntoVerbs

• Mostreadersexpectthemainactionofaclausetobefoundinaverb.

• Avoidnominalizations.– Theymakethereaderworktoohardtodetermineweretheintendedactionis.

PutActionsIntoVerbs

Verb(Action) Noun(nominalization)

Analyze Analysis

Investigate Investigation

Perform Performance

Occur Occurrence

Understand Understanding

Refuse Refusal

PutActions IntoVerbs

• Weperformedananalysisonthedata.


• Weperformed ananalysis onthedata.


• Weperformed ananalysis onthedata.• Weanalyzed thedata.


• Ourdatabasehasbeensubjecttodifferentimprovements,modifications,andextensionsinstructureandcontentovertheyears.



• Ourdatabasehasbeenimproved,modified,andextended instructureandcontentovertheyears.



• Ourdatabasehasbeenimproved,modified,andextended instructureandcontentovertheyears.

• Weimproved thestructureandcontentofourdatabase.

PutCharacters IntoSubjects

• Thecharacteristheentityperformingtheaction.

• Readersexpectthemaincharacterinaclausetobefoundinthesubject.


• Communicationoftermitesisaccomplishedthroughtheuseofpheromonescents.


• Communication oftermites isaccomplishedthroughtheuseofpheromonescents.


• Communication oftermites isaccomplishedthroughtheuseofpheromonescents.

• Termites communicateusingpheromonescents.

KeepSubjectsNearVerbs

• Whoisthesentenceabout(maincharacter)?

• Whataretheydoing(mainaction)?

• Whenthemaincharacter(subject)andaction(verb)arefarapart,readersbecomeconfusedbecausetheycan’tpiecetogetherthewholepictureefficiently.

KeepSubjects NearVerbs

• Alphamalesthatwereoncebetasandeitherinheritedtheirpartner’sterritoryorbudded-offtoformaterritorydenovabeforetheirpartner’sdeatharemorecommon.


• Alphamales thatwereoncebetasandeitherinheritedtheirpartner’sterritoryorbudded-offtoformaterritorydenovabeforetheirpartner’sdeatharemorecommon.


• Alphamales thatwereoncebetasandeitherinheritedtheirpartner’sterritoryorbudded-offtoformaterritorydenovabeforetheirpartner’sdeatharemorecommon.

• ThemostcommonAlphamales are thosethatwereoncebetasandeitherinheritedtheirpartner’sterritoryorbudded-offtoformaterritorydenovabeforetheirpartner’sdeath.


Wepredictedthatbirdswithaweakerassociationstrengthwiththeirfuturepartner,and/orlowerrankoftheirfuturepartner(intermsoftheassociationstrength)withtheiroppositesexassociatesinthewinterinwhichtheypairedwoulddivorcemoreoftenbetweenbreedingseasontandt+1.


Wepredictedthatbirds withaweakerassociationstrengthwiththeirfuturepartner,and/orlowerrankoftheirfuturepartner(intermsoftheassociationstrength)withtheiroppositesexassociatesinthewinterinwhichtheypairedwoulddivorce moreoftenbetweenbreedingseasontandt+1.


Wepredictedthatbirds wouldmorelikelydivorce betweenbreedingseasonsiftheyhadweakerassociationstrengthorlowerrankwiththeirfuturepartnerduringthewinter.


• Peanuts,shellfish,treenuts,corn,soy,strawberries,milkandmilkproducts,andwheatoranythingwithgluten all represent thingsthatpeoplearecommonlyallergicto.


• Peanuts,shellfish,treenuts,corn,soy,strawberries,milkandmilkproducts,andwheatoranythingwithgluten all represent thingsthatpeoplearecommonlyallergicto.

• People are commonlyallergictopeanuts…

LessonII

Cohesion&Coherence

AvoidSubjectShifting

• Writingiseasiertofollowwhenthestringofsubjectsinaparagraphreflectsthetopic.

1. Maintainacommonsubjectthroughoutaone-topicparagraph.

2. Shiftthesubjectappropriatelyaccordingtothestory.

AvoidSubject Shifting

• Tounderstandtheevolutionofcooperativebreeding,reliablegeneticdataarenecessary.Forexample,siringsuccessandmaternalfitnessdeterminationrequiresgeneticinformationfromoffspring.Fortunately,scientistscannowanalyzegeneticdataatrelativelylowcosts.


• Tounderstandtheevolutionofcooperativebreeding,reliablegeneticdata arenecessary.Forexample,siringsuccessandmaternalfitnessdetermination requiresgeneticinformationfromoffspring.Fortunately,scientists cannowanalyzegeneticdataatrelativelylowcosts.


• Tounderstandtheevolutionofcooperativebreeding,reliablegeneticdata arenecessary.Forexample,geneticinformation fromoffspringareneededtodeterminesiringsuccessandmaternalfitness.Fortunately,suchgeneticdata continuestobecomeincreasinglyaffordabletoanalyze.

PutNewInformationLast

• Beginsentenceswithfamiliar(old)informationandconcludesentenceswithunfamiliar(new)information.

• Newinformationatthebeginningofasentence,iswithoutcontext.Readersareforcedtofigureouthowitisconnectedtofamiliarinformation.Afterreadingtherestofthesentence,thereadermayhavetorevisehisorherunderstanding.Goingbackwardslikethisconfusesandslowsthereaderdown.

PutNewInformationLast

• FarmerstrytoprovideoptimalgrowingconditionsforcropsbyusingsoiladditivestoadjustsoilpH.Gardenlime,oragriculturallimestone,ismadefrompulverizedchalk,andcanbeusedtoraisethepHofthesoil.Claysoil,whichisnaturallyacidic,oftenrequiresadditionofagriculturallime.

PutNewInformation Last

• FarmerstrytoprovideoptimalgrowingconditionsforcropsbyusingsoiladditivestoadjustsoilpH.

• Gardenlime,oragriculturallimestone,ismadefrompulverizedchalk,andcanbeusedtoraisethepHofthesoil.

• Claysoil,whichisnaturallyacidic,oftenrequiresadditionofagriculturallime.

PutNewInformation Last

• FarmerstrytoprovideoptimalgrowingconditionsforcropsbyusingsoiladditivestoadjustsoilpH.

• OnewaytoraisethepHofthesoil isanadditivemadefrompulverizedchalkcalledgardenlimeoragriculturallimestone.

• Agriculturallimestone isoftenaddedtonaturallyacidicsoils,suchasclaysoil.

OneParagraph=OneTopic• Readersexpectthoughtstobeexpressedinparagraphunits.

• ThestudyofCircadianrhythmsisanemergingfrontierinbiology.ThefirsthistoricalrecordofacircadianrhythmwasmadebyAndrosthenes inthe4th CenturyB.C.E.HewasacaptainthatservedunderAlexandertheGreat.AlexandertheGreatbuiltoneofthelargestempiresoftheancientworldthroughaseriesofunprecedentedmilitarycampaigns.Militarycampaignstodayrelyheavilyontechnologicaladvances,suchasradar,GPS,drones,robots,andguidedmunitions.

LessonIII

ConcisenessandSimplicity

UsingPassiveVoice

• Active:Weanalyzedthedata.– subject→verb→object

• Passive:Thedatawereanalyzedbyus.– object→verb→subject

• Passive:Thedatawereanalyzed.

• Passivevoiceisnotinherentlybadnorisitinherentlyscientific.

PotentialProblemswithPassiveVoice

1.Ambiguouscharacters• Telomereswerequantifiedusingtheterminal

restrictionfractionmethod(Haussmannetal.2017).

– WeusedthevalidationmethodestablishedbySmalletal.(2016)toassayextractedbloodplasma

– WeassayedbloodplasmathatwasextractedusingthevalidationmethodestablishedbySmalletal.(2016).


2.Danglingmodifiers.• Amodifyingphrasewhoseimplicitsubjectdoesnot

matchtheexplicitsubjectoftheclauseitmodifies.

• Usingthevoltageclamptechnique,ioncurrentsofhippocampalneuronsweremeasured.

• Usingthevoltageclamptechnique,wemeasuredioncurrentsofhippocampalneurons.


3.Relianceof“tobe”verbs.• OnApril19,1775,armswere seizedatConcord,

precipitatingtheAmericanRevolution.

• OnApril19,1775,BritishsoldiersseizedarmsatConcord,precipitatingtheAmericanRevolution.


4.Wordiness.Allelsebeingequal,moreconcisewritingisbetter,passivevoicetendstoincreaselength(howeverslightly).

• Active:Weanalyzedthedata.• Passive:Thedatawereanalyzed.

AdvantageofPassiveVoiceUsepassivevoicewhenitmovestheoldinformationtothefrontandnewinformationtotheback.

• Memoryconsolidationistheprocessbywhichshort-termmemoriestransitiontolong-termmemories.Exposuretovarioushormonescaneitherimpairorenhancememoryconsolidation.Forexample,onesuchhormone,cortisol,enhancesmemoryconsolidation.

• Memoryconsolidationistheprocessbywhichshort-termmemoriestransitiontolong-termmemories.Memoryconsolidationcanbeenhancedorimpairedby exposuretovarioushormones.Forexample, onesuchhormone,cortisol,enhancesmemoryconsolidation.

OmitNeedlessWords

• Considereachwordinyourwriting.Ifyoucancutawordorphrasewithnolossofinformation,thendoit!

• 1.IneffectualPhrases• 2.wordynormalizations• 3.redundantphrases

OmitNeedlessWords

• IneffectualPhrases– “Theintentofthosewhouseineffectualphrasesistomakeitappearasthoughtheirsentencesaremoresubstantialthantheyactuallyare,butnotonesentenceismademoremeaningfulbytheirinclusion.”(Fiske,2002,p.17).

• Fiske,RobertHartwell.(2002).TheDimwit'sDictionary:5,000OverusedWordsandPhrasesandAlternativestoThem.MarionStreetPress,Inc.Portland,OR. MarionStreetPress,Inc

OmitNeedlessWordsIneffectualPhrase BetterAlternativeforthepurposeof forasamatteroffact actually

byvirtueofthefactthat becausewiththeexceptionof except

Itisinterestingtonotethat interestinglyInorderto to

Itisimportanttorealize -Ithasbeenshownthat -

OmitNeedlessWordsineffectualPhrase BetterAlternative

Thequestionsastowhether whetherThisisahypothesisthat Thishypothesis

Alargemajorityof mostAtthispointintime nowDuetothefactthat becauseIntheeventthat if

Bothgroupswereequallyeffected

Thegroupswereequallyeffected

OmitNeedlessWordsWordyNominalization BetterAlternativegaveconsiderationto consideredmadetheassumption assumed

performedananalysisof analyzedresultedinareductionof reducedreachedtheconclusion concludedmadethediscovery discovered

Observedtheoccurrenceof occurredSearchanddestroy“-ion”words

OmitNeedlessWordsRedundantPhrase BetterAlternativecloseproximity closenewinnovation innovationexactlythesame Thesamepriorexperience experienceclosescrutiny scrutiny

combinetogether combineusedforXpurposes usedforX

maysuggest suggests

UseSimpleSubjects

• Academicwritingaboundswithcomplexsubjects.Thisincreasesthedistancebetweenthesubjectandverb.Often,scientistsandscholarswanttodefineacomplexabstractentity(thesubject),andthendescribesomethingthatitdoesinasinglesentence.Instead,itisusuallymorecleartosplitthesetasksintomultiplesentences,sometodefinethesubjectandotherstodescribewhatitdoes.

UseSimpleSubjects

• ConcentrationsofbloodplasmaglucocorticoidsfromadultIndividualsthatwerepreviouslyconditionedtoavoidthenovelpredatorandexhibitedanextinctionoftheirthreatresponseovertimewereamongtheverylowestandhighestfromamongthesampledgroups.

UseSimpleSubjects

• ConcentrationsofbloodplasmaglucocorticoidsfromadultIndividualsthatwerepreviouslyconditionedtoavoidthenovelpredatorandexhibitedanextinctionoftheirthreatresponseovertime wereamongtheverylowestandhighestfromamongthesampledgroups.

UseSimpleSubjects

• Someadultindividualsconditionedtoavoidthenovelpredatorexhibitedanextinctionoftheirthreatresponsesovertime.Thesebirdsshowedamongtheveryhighestandlowestconcentrationsofbloodglucocorticoidsfromamongthesampledgroups.

UseSimpleSubjects

• Someadultsconditionedtoavoidthenovelpredatorexhibitedmemoryextinction.Thesebirdsshowedsomeofthehighestandlowestconcentrationsofplasmaglucocorticoids.

MiscellaneousCommonMistakes• EffectvsAffect

MiscellaneousCommonMistakes• Dataisplural

Wrong CorrectDatais DataareDatawas DatawereDatashows Datashow

Strategiesforwritingandeditingapplications

Grant/FellowshipWritingAdvice:

Assumethatit’s10pm,yourreviewerisexhausted,hasafull-timejobandalectureinthemorning,andjust(finally)atedinnerandhada

glassofwine.

PreparingEssaysforCompetitiveApplications

• Quotations – Offer you thoughts, not another’s

• Clichés – E.g., ‘since I was a child’…, ‘from a young age…’, ‘I’ve always been fascinated by…’, ‘I have a thirst for knowledge’, ‘the world we live in today…’

• Ambiguous Claims - E.g., ‘I am highly motivated’, ‘I believe I have the skills to…’ Instead give examples that provide evidence.

Writing the Essays: Things to Avoid

• Excuses– Focus on the positive. If there is something that can’t be ignored, then explain how you’ve change or fixed the problem rather than give excuses.

• Pretentious Language – You’re writing risks coming across as unnatural, fake, amateurish, or just plain wrong (e.g., ‘I was encapsulated by The Origin of Species’, ‘…by virtue of the fact that…’


• Exaggerations – It’s too risky. If a reviewer thinks your being untruthful then your finished.

• Humor – It’s too much of a liability. If one reviewer doesn’t get or misinterprets your joke, then may God have mercy on your application.

• Irrelevant Facts– Make sure everything ties into your big-picture narrative.


Possible Scenario

• Planformultipledrafts:• Writeit.• Readit1-3dayslater,andre-writeit• Giveittoalab-mate• Getitback1-5dayslater,re-writeit• Giveittoyouradvisor• GetitbackXdayslater,re-writeit• Re-readit1-3dayslater.Re-write.• Done?(4drafts)

Be Judicious with Reviewers

• No one is a good reviewer after multiple reviews. Spread the responsibility.

• Ask different people to read your work sequentially to maximize the benefit of their effort (make changes between reviewers).

CC

Receiving Reviews

• Braceyourself.Don’ttakereviewspersonal.• Themoreredthebetter.• Giveyourreviewerstime,butletthemknowwhen

youneeditback.• Considerallthecomments,evenifyoudon’tendup

makinganychanges.• Returnthefavor.

CC

ReviewStrategy

• Havesomeonenotparticularlyfamiliarwithyourfieldreadtheprojectdescriptionwithouttakingnotes.

• Then,havehim/hertellyoufrommemorywhatyouareplanningtodo,howyouwilldoit,andwhyitissignificant.

• Ifthisisnoteasyforthemortheydon’tgetit,theneditmore.

CC

FindingMotivation

SettingGoalsTheconceptualframework,temporalstrategy,andlevelofdetailinfluencethelikelihoodofattainingagoal.

Success• Promotingpositive

outcomes• Proximatetimeframes• Specificstandards

Failure• Preventingnegative

outcomes• Distaltimeframes• Ambiguousstandards

SettingGoals“MentalContrasting”

Imaginetheattainmentofadesiredfuture.

Thenreflectonthepresentrealitythatstandsinthewayofthedesiredfuture.

SettingGoalsIndulge


SettingGoalsDwell


Thenreflectonthepresentrealitythatstandsinthewayofthedesiredfuture.

SettingGoals“MentalContrasting”

Allowsindividualsto…1. Assessthefeasibilityofagoaland2. Realizethattheymustactonstatusquoto

attainagoal.3. Prepareforupcomingroadblocksand

challengesinattainingagoal

AttainingGoalsPlanGoalImplementationinAdvance

• IwanttoachievegoalX!

• IfsituationYarises,thenIwillinitiatebehaviorZ!

• Specifythewhere,when,andhow.

AttainingGoalsPlanGoalImplementationinAdvance

• IwillapplytotheNSFGRFP!

• IfIdon’thavetoteachinthemorning,thenIwillworkonwritingmyGRFPessaysfornolessthantwohours!

AttainingGoalsImplementationIntentions”

• Helpsrecallspecificsituation,the“if”partoftheplan.

• Makestheresponse(the“then”partoftheplan)automatic,efficient,redundant,habitual.

AttainingGoals• Makediscreet,smallgoalsthatbuildtoan

ultimategoal.• Writeyourgoalsdoneandsharethemwith

anotherperson.• Setuprewards(orpunishments)forreaching

(failingtoreach)goals,andmakesurethemechanismisindependentlytriggered.

• Incorporatecompetition.

AttainingGoals

Summary

• Makesureyourwritingisconcise,clear,cohesive,andcoherent.

• Yourwritingshouldbereviewedalotbyyourselfandothers.

• Setfeasiblegoalsbyvisualizingthefutureandrealizinghowtogetthere.

ThankYouandGoodLuck!

Questions?

writing well: techniques to maximize the success of

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