xp days germany 2010 feedback

Nov-2010 For internal use only

XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss

The Power of Feedback

What comes around goes around –

The Power of Feedback

Dr. Ralph Miarka Deborah Hartmann-Preuss



Communication Chain

http://www.reticon.de/db/news/Image/topnews_whispering.jpg

A common (likely apocryphal) story in the UK is of a general who sent the message "Send reinforcements, we are going to advance" back to HQ. After passing through many intermediaries it finally arrived as "Send three and four-pence, we are going to a dance".



Sender – Receiver – Model of Communication

Disruptions Perceived Meaning

Intended Meaning

A’s Reality B’s Reality

Shared Space

Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message



Four levels of communication by Friedemann Schulz von Thun



Send (man) There is something green. I don't know what it is.

You should know what it is. Tell me what it is!

Four levels of communication - Example

A man (first sender of the news) and a woman (first receiver of the message) are eating a home-cooked meal together.

The man says: "There is something green in the soup."

Received (woman) There is something green. You do not know what the green item is, and that makes you feel uncomfortable. You think my cooking is questionable. I should only cook what you know in the future!

The woman answers: "If you don't like the taste, you can cook it yourself."



Exercise on four levels of communication

In pairs,

Please pick one of the following sentences, say it and listen,

Identify the four levels of communication that are in there.

•  The traffic light is green. => Do you want to drive? •  The build is broken. => Why me? •  Let’s pair program. => Figure it out yourself. •  It's 5pm. => Leave me alone.



Tower of Babble

Build the tallest tower you can using ONLY pipe-cleaners

No other materials

It must be free-standing on the floor, without other support



Feedback

I don't know what I said, until I hear the answer to it – Paul Watzlawick



Goals of the Sender

Inform the receiver about

•  how certain behavior is perceived and what it means to the sender

•  needs and feelings so that the receiver can better take care of it without relying only on assumptions

•  desired changes in behavior to ease future cooperation



Benefit for the Receiver

By JOseph Luft and HArry Ingham



Personal or factual feedback – Distinguish!

Personality – ex. punctuality longer-term change process

A “thing” – ex. meeting Short(er)-term change process

Personal Factual

Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message

Don’t mix both in one feedback conversation

Let’s talk about this meeting

Let’s talk about your punctuality



Providing Feedback

Example

Describe as precisely as possible what you observed in the

particular situation. What did you see and hear? What happened

exactly?

Effect

Describe how you personally experienced the situation.

What did you think and feel? What was your reaction?

Change

Make a wish, how he or she could behave differently in that

situation from your perspective.



Providing Feedback

Example

“Darling, thank you for cooking today. I noticed that there is something

green in the soup.”

Effect

“I don’t know what it is. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t

like basil and I’m afraid it is basil. Could you please tell me what it is?”

Change

“I appreciate you cooking for us. However, there are things I don’t like.

Could we talk about meals beforehand?”



Rules of Feedback – for the Sender

Welcomed •  Wanted •  Good •  Relaxed

Descriptive and precise •  What, when, specific •  Don’t evaluate, focus •  “I” – messages

Helpful •  Learn •  Improve •  Realistic

Timely •  Immediate •  Often •  Regularly




Welcomed

•  Feedback needs to be welcomed by the receiver

•  It should be good so the receiver wants more of it

•  Provide a relaxed atmosphere

•  It is more effective when the receiver wants to learn something about him/her-self

•  Please ask whether feedback is wanted, e.g. “In the situation X I noticed…, do you wish my feedback?”




Descriptive and precise

•  Describe concisely what you saw or heard, i.e. observed,

•  don’t evaluate, judge or interpret it (“bad”, “good”, “right”, “wrong”).

•  If possible start with something positive about the situation.

•  To introduce critique use “and” instead of “but”.

•  It is subjective, thus use “I” messages – not: “one”, “we”, “it”, “you”

•  Remain specific, don’t generalize (“always”, “never”, …)

•  Focus, don’t start a character analysis




Helpful

•  The receiver should learn something that can help him/her to improve.

•  Provide suggestions for improvements (“goal statement”), instead of just saying “Please change” and, if needed, provide strategies

•  It should be realistic, i.e. possible to change.

Timely

•  Rather immediately than late – fresh in the mind, not forgotten, less change in perception, reduction of destructive behavior early

•  Provide it often and regularly



Guidelines of Feedback – for the Receiver

•  Good feedback is a gift – please value it

•  Listen thankfully and with the desire to learn

•  Take it as it is and don’t justify yourself or attack the feedback provider

•  Listen actively – open questions are permitted, like “When did this happen?”, “What exactly do you mean?”

•  Thank the feedback provider for the feedback

•  To accept feedback is voluntary – give yourself time to reflect and decide of what to accept and which actions to set



Exercise 3x3 min

•  Sender to give feedback

•  Receiver to receive feedback

•  One person as observer

•  Sender: provide feedback about some situation during this course

where you worked together – apply the discussed rules

•  Receiver: listen!!!, accept feedback, ask clarifying questions

•  Observer: monitor the rules, provide feedback on the feedback

round to both sender and receiver

•  Change roles after 3 minutes

S

OB

R



Appreciation

•  Appreciate whole-heartedly and remain truthfully

•  Assume positive intend (Prime directive)



Shower of Appreciation

In groups of three, two people face each other in the back of the third person for 1 minute, say only positive things about the third person, never reduce/devalue anything that was said

(I ran this exercise also with 3 minutes rounds, people then need to know each other for some time)

1 min

Attributed to E•S•B•A, European Systemic Business Academy, Vienna; Participated in this during my Coaching Intensive Training



Influencers of communication

Psycho and physical conditions

Situation

Intention

Tactics

Channel

Social Role

Fact



Group creation: Factors affecting communication

•  unclear or incomplete messages •  jargon or words with multiple interpretations •  disabilities and other impediments •  age, gender or sexual orientation •  relative status or respect for the sender •  lack of empathy or concern •  stereotyping or prejudice •  conditions or distance •  quality and bandwidth of the communication channel •  lack of time or other pressing priorities •  poor spelling or inaccurate sentence structure •  personality traits and levels of education

http://orglearn.org/career_success_blog/tag/factors-affecting-communication/



Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne)

Komplementär Transaktionen

Überkreuz Transaktionen

Wenn Reiz und Reaktion sich im El-Er-K - Schema überkreuzen, wird die Kommunikation unterbrochen.

Wenn Reiz und Reaktion im El-Er-K-Transaktions-Schema auf parallelen Linien verlaufen, dann ist die Transaktion komplementär (d.h. sie ergänzt sich selbst immer wieder von neuem) und kann endlos weitergehen.

Eltern-Ich

Erwachsenen-Ich

Kind-Ich

http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml

A: "Ich möchte Sie über den Termin der nächsten Sitzung informieren. Sie findet am Freitag um 17.00 Uhr statt.“ (Erwachsenen-Ich fragt Erwachsenen-Ich) B: "Vielen Dank, das werde ich mir gleich notieren.“ (Erwachsenen-Ich antwortet Erwachsenen-Ich)

A: "Sag mal, musst du dich immer so benehmen?“ (Eltern-Ich fragt Kind-Ich) B: "Ich benehme mich wie ich will." (Kind-Ich antwortet Eltern-Ich)



Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne) – Indizien für die Ich

Indizien des Eltern-Ich

Da sich häufig besondere Eigenarten der Eltern im Eltern-Ich eines Menschen manifestieren, können die körperlichen Indizien sehr unterschiedlich sein. Nichtsdesto-weniger kann man allgemeine Tendenzen ausmachen. So führt Harris in einer Liste mit Indizien für das Eltern-Ich z.B. einem anderen den Kopf tätscheln, Stirnfalten oder Händeringen an.

Zu den sprachlichen Indizien zählen vor allem wertende Urteile über andere Menschen, die automatisch ohne Überlegung ausgesprochen werden.

Allgemeiner kann man sagen, dass unreflektierte klischeehafte Äußerungen sowie Vorurteile als Indizien des Eltern-Ich anzusehen sind. Passivität und die Befolgung von Regeln sind weitere Indizien.

Indizien des Kindheits-Ich

Zu den körperlichen Indizien zählen hier vor allem die Gefühlsäußerungen jeder Art, da diese einen großen Teil der Aufzeichnungen des Kindheits-Ich ausmachen.

Als sprachliche Anhaltspunkte gelten insbesondere Adjektive, die über emotionale Zustände Auskunft geben wie traurig, glücklich etc. sowie z.B. Ich will, Ich wünsche oder Wenn ich groß bin... .

Superlative entspringen ebenfalls meist dem Kindheits-Ich. Sie erwachsen dem Bedürfnis des Kindes, durch Überlegenheitsbekundungen gegenüber anderen, das eigene "Ich bin nicht o.k." zu kompensieren.

Indizien des Erwachsenen-Ich

Personen, deren Erwachsenen-Ich die Führung übernommen hat, fallen durch besonders aufmerksames Zuhören während einer Transaktion auf. Ihr Gesicht ist offen und direkt dem Gesprächspartner zugewandt.

Auch in ihrer Sprache stechen Wörter die vorrangig der Informationsfindung dienen hervor, wie z.B. was, wo, wie, warum und so weiter.

Das Erwachsenen-Ich äußert sich nur, nachdem es nachgedacht hat. Wertungen die von ihm vorgenommen werden, sind reflektiert und enthalten eine innere Logik.

http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml



References

•  Business Communications, Online: www.bized.co.uk/educators/level2/comms/activity/buscomms12.htm

•  Communication Model, Online: www.pirate.shu.edu/˜yatesdan/Tutorial.htm

•  Books: Friedemann Schulz von Thun, Miteinander Reden 1-3.

•  Online: http://annellchen.wordpress.com/2009/04/27/miteinander-reden-schulz-von-thun/

•  Four sides model, Online: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_sides_model, last modified on 26 January 2010

•  Carl Benedict, Johari Window: A Tool for Understanding Self, Serenity Online Therapy, 2005- 2010. Online: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/johariwindow.htm

•  Online: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/



Other Resources - FEEDBACK

Deutsch:

  Book: Paul Watzlawick: Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit?

  Book: V. F. Birkenbihl: Kommunikationstraining – Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen erfolgreich gestalten

  Link: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Feedback.shtml

English:   Perspectives: http://managementhelp.org/commskls/feedback/feedback.htm

  Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/feedback



Other Resources - APPRECIATION

How and why to run Appreciation Exercises

  http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/07/appreciate.html

  http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/08/recognition-gap.html

  http://cwd.dhemery.com/2004/08/appreciation

Exercises

  Book: Jean Tabaka, Collaboration Explained, Ch. 16. Visioning, Retrospection, & Other Approaches

  Book: Diana Larsen and Esther Derby, Agile Retrospectives

  Book: Norman Kerth, Project Retrospectives: A Handbook for Team Reviews

  Excerpt: Norman Kerth, http://www.retrospectives.com/pages/Anatomy.html

  http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?art_id=205

Appreciative Inquiry

  What is it? http://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/intro/whatisai.cfm

  Book: Sue Annis Hammond, Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry (2nd edition)

  Book: Diana Witney et al, Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of

Your Team

  Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/appreciativeinquiry



When to ask „Why“

The danger of „Why“

•  Might be felt as personal attack (why did you)

•  Looks backwards, not forward

The power of „Why“

•  Helps to determine root-causes (5 Why’s)

So, ask “Why” when you need to find the root-cause of something (typically technical) but not so much in personal situations



Dr. Ralph Miarka, E-Mail: [email protected], Vienna, AT

Coach, Consultant, Trainer for agile Software Development and Workshop Facilitator

Thank you for your participation! Yours…

Deborah Hartmann Preuss, E-Mail: [email protected], Karlsruhe, DE

Independent Effectiveness Coach for Teams/Individuals, Agile/ScrumTrainer, Open Space Conference Facilitator

Special thanks to Sabine Colimprain for her support. Psychologist and Psychotherapist (in training), Graz, AT

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