you can win

Tamilnadu Tiruchirapalli SBLC

YOU CAN WIN By

SHIV KHERA Book Condensation

By P Balachandra Bhat Manager (Training)

Tiruchirapalli

P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

SHIV KHERA is the founder of Qualified Learning Systems Inc., USA. He is

a business consultant, an educator, a speaker and a successful

entrepreneur. He has spread his message of success throughout the world

from US, Singapore and to India. His 20 years of research, understanding

and experience has helped people on the path of personal growth and

development.

SHIV KHERA's client list includes, Lufthansa, German Airlines, ANZ

Grindlays, Bahamas Quality Council and Boehringer Mannheim among

others

ABOUT THE BOOK

The book was first published in 1998 by MACMILLAN INDIA L TD. The book

has been reprinted several times thereafter. The book is priced at Rs 285 /-.

The book, as the title says, aims to make every reader a Winner. The book

has been printed in big fonts. It has sufficient spaces and reading the book

is not a problem as it takes at the most 2 days to read the book. That is to

say the book can be read leisurely. The contains more than 100 anecdotes

and parables. These strengthen the message the author wants to convey.

There are 8 chapters in the book and they are:

1. Importance of Attitude

2. Success.

3. Motivation

4. Self Esteem

5. Interpersonal skills

6. Subconscious Mind and Habits

7. Goal Setting

8. Values and Mission


The distinct feature of the book is the manner in which ideas are conveyed.

For example, the cover of the book flashes a message' Winners don't do

different things. They do things differently'. One can find throughout the

book such constructions, which heighten and illuminate the book. This

book, though it does not convey more things for BS Trainers, as they would

be familiar with many of the ideas shared in it, would still inspire them to

become a winner. For its extreme simplicity, lucidity of style and the

anecdotes the book can be recommended as a must for Branch Managers

and all those who are yearning for victory.

CHAPTER 1

IMPORTANCE OF ATTITUDE

What is inside us is what counts. If a person has better attitudes then he

will succeed. William James of Harvard University said, 'The greatest

discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by

altering attitudes of mind.'

Like the greatest buildings have strongest foundations, the foundation of

success is attitude.

A study by Harvard University found that a person gets a job 85% of the

time by his attitude and only 15% of the time owing to his smartness...

David defeated Goliath because he thought -that Goliath was not too big to

hit but he was too big to miss.

Negative attitude becomes the obstacle and we create the negative attitude.

A prisoner who underwent long years of imprisonment was released and he

refused to go out because he had learnt to be comfortable and secure in the

darkness of the prison atmosphere. Why, because his attitude has changed.

There are people who always criticize others and always see calamity in

anything they see. We should ignore them. Think only of the best. Work

only for the best. Also expect only the best. Do not procrastinate under the

pretext of analyzing something. If you analyze so much then, there may be

a chance, you would became a victim of analysis. This phenomenon is


called Analysis Paralysis. Education is not enough for us. You can see many

walking encyclopaedias that are living failures. Quickness to learn is

intelligence. Ability is the skill to apply what is learned. If we have not got

the right attitude the ability is a waste. There is nothing wrong with

ignorance but to make a career out of it is stupidity. Some people

accumulate ignorance and they confuse it with education.

There was a company. A senior wood cutter, who was sincere, used to

work for long hours and there also was his junior in the company. The

junior got a salary rise while the wood cutter did not get it. The wood cutter

represented the matter to the management. The management said to the

wood cutter that the junior was paid more because he increases the

productivity by sharpening the saw he was using where as the senior wood

cutter has not sharpened his saw at all and the productivity was, hence,

low.

The Woodcutter realized that one should continuously update ones skills in

order to increase productivity and thereby earn more. Good thoughts are

good seeds to our mind.

Bad food for the body and bad thoughts for the mind would make both our

body and mind sick. Just as we learn how to play basketball by practicing it,

so also, one can learn the principles that make one successful. Knowledge

is a potential power. It becomes power only if acted upon. One should

shun negative influences. Believe that it is your life and you would make of

it what you want.

Winners recognize their limitation but Focus on their strength. Losers, on

the other hand, recognize their strengths but focus on their limitations.

CHAPTER 2

SUCCESS

Success is not an accident but a matter of choice. Have you thought, how a


person succeeds all the time? The uncommon man seeks opportunity while

common man seeks security. Failure is the result of a few mistakes done

repeatedly. The progressive realization of a worthy goal is Success.

Success can be equated to a journey. Success is getting what we want and

happiness wants what we get. Excellence and not perfection is the mantra

for success. Striving for perfection is neurotic while striving for excellence

is progressive as there is nothing that cannot be improved.

All we need to win is the cutting edge. The winning horse is not 5 or ten

times faster than the other horses. It may only be faster by a fraction, by a

nose, but the rewards are 5 or 10 times greater. We need not improve

1000% in any area. All we need to do is to improve 1% in 1000 different

areas, that is a lot more easier. This is the cutting edge. Without struggle

in life nothing worthwhile can come. We should possess the grit to

overcome obstacles. A smooth sea cannot make a skilful mariner only a

rough sea can bring out the skills of the mariner.

After several failures only Abraham Lincoln became the President. Wright

brothers were questioned about their wisdom of trying to invent a machine

that can fly. Newspaper editors rejected Walt Disney as a poor cartoonist

having no talent. Thomas Edison was felt as too stupid a boy in the school.

The teachers asked the parents to get him out of the school. Thomas Edison

failed approximately 10000 times before he invented the light bulb. Henry

Ford forgot to put the reverse gear in the first car he made. The lesson- it is

not that these men did not have problems. They succeeded in spite of

problems, not in the absence of problems. Life is full of choices. Each

choice has its own consequences. We are free to make our choice but after

we have chosen, the choice controls us. Life is not party and pleasure. It is

also pain and despair.

On a clear day one can see several boats sailing in different directions even


though the wind is blowing in only one direction. Why this happens. This is

because it depends on the way the sail is set and the sailor decides how to

set it. The same can be equated with our lives. We may not be able to

choose the direction of the wind but we can definitely choose how the sail

has to be set by us. We cannot control all that is happening in our life but

we can control how we deal with them.

The starting point of all accomplishments is the burning desire. A small fire

cannot give much heat. Similarly a weak desire would not produce any

results. To play to win needs commitment. There are no ideal

circumstances. There will never be. The two ingredients for success is hard

work and acceptance of responsibilities. All best musicians practices every

day. Athletes practice day in and day out to perform for a few seconds of

running in an Olympic race. Milton rose at 4 a.m. everyday to write

“Paradise Lost”. It took Noah Webster 36 years to complete Webster's

Dictionary.

Character is essential for success. Handling of success is more difficult

than success itself. Adversity reveals the character. Without friction a

gem cannot be polished. Also we cannot get finest steel without putting it

through fire. The hammer which shatters glass forges steel. In the same

manner different persons respond to crisis differently based ones character.

We should have positive belief and should give more than what we get.

Persistence cannot be replaced. We should develop a pride of performance

in anything we do. What is holding us back? Can we drive our car with

brakes on? The way to release our emotional brakes is by building a

positive attitude, high self-esteem, and by accepting responsibility. We

should take risks. A person who does nothing can never make a mistake.

But doing nothing is the biggest mistake.

Unwillingness to take risk, lack of persistence, instant gratification, lack of


priorities, looking for shortcuts, selfishness and greed, lack of conviction,

lack of understanding of nature's laws, unwillingness to plan and prepare,

rationalizing failure, not learning from past mistakes, inability to recognize

opportunity, fear, inability to use talent, lack of discipline, poor self esteem,

lack of knowledge, fatalistic attitude and lack of purpose are the causes of

failure. Success is like baking a cake. Unless we have the right recipe we

cannot bake a good cake. With right qualities in right proportions and with

practice and occasional disaster we can be successful.

CHAPTER 3

MOTIVATION

One’s belief’s system brings motivation to one. People motivate themselves

when they believe that they are responsible for their lives and their

behaviour and their outlook toward life changes for the better. It is the

most potent force in our life. It drives the life pattern. External motivation

like fear motivation, incentive motivation etc can motivate a person to a

certain extent but the lasting motivation is the self-motivation

CHAPTER 4

SELF-ESTEEM

How we feel about ourselves is SELF ESTEEM. Our opinion about ourselves

influences everything in our life. It influences our work performance, our

parental role, our accomplishment in life etc. Self esteem is a major factor

which determines success or failure. High self-esteem would lead to a

happy life. It also would give you highly gratifying and purposeful life. To

have self esteem one has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. This has to

come from within. High self–esteem leads to optimism, better relationships

and live fulfilling lives. The persons with high self-esteem are motivated

and ambitious. They would have high performance indicator and risk


taking abilities. They would readily accept new opportunities and

challenges. They would receive and give criticism, compliments with tact

and ease. Human beings cannot grow beyond the boundaries of their self

concept whatever may be that concept. Individuals with poor self esteem

would be generally gossipmongers, critical in nature, have high ego, closed

minded and self-centred. They would never accept responsibility and will

make excuses all the time. They would be jealous in nature and would have

fatalistic attitude. They will not accept any positive criticism and generally

would be defensive. They are bored and uncomfortable when alone. They

would not have any decency. They would have any genuine friends as they

are not genuine. They would make promises and would never keep it. They

behave senselessly and erratically. They alienate people. Their fragile ego

makes them touchy in nature. They would seek approval and validation

from others because of their low self-esteem. They brag about themselves

and will be submissive and show timid behaviour. They would behave in a

non conformist way to seek attention. They are indecisive and do not

accept responsibility. They rebel against authority knowing fully well that

the authority is right. They are sometimes antisocial and withdrawn. They

do not have any sense of direction. They give too much important to

material things.

The poor self-esteem may be because of negative self talk, like “I have Poor

Memory”, I’m not good at Math”. These self talks reinforce the negative

and put them down. They become self–fulfilling prophecies. The family

roots might have contributed to having poor self-esteem. Upbringing

affects the Self-esteem of persons. Making comparison with some other

person may negatively affect one’s self-esteem.

People with high self–esteem do not compete with others but they improve

their performance. They compete with themselves. Confusing failing with

failure affects individuals. One might have failed but may not be a failure.


There is always hope in life. Unrealistic expectation of perfection by

parents, teachers' and supervisors may affect a child's self-esteem. One

can build positive self-esteem by turning one’s scars into stars, adversity

into advantage, stumbling blocks into stepping-stones. Even though

Beethoven was deaf he became a great musician. Milton lost his sight but

he gave the best poetry. President Roosevelt of US served from a

wheelchair. The story of Wilma Rudolph can be a good story for

determination. She was born into a poor home. At age 4 she had double

pneumonia which paralyzed her. Doctor advised her never to put her foot

on earth. But Wilma, at the age of 9, wanted to be the fastest woman on

the track on earth. She became the fastest woman on earth at the 1960

Olympics. Reason - dogged determination. Positive self-esteem will grow

by accepting responsibilities, practicing discipline and setting-goals. We

can practice giving positive auto suggestion such as 'I can handle it', 'I Can

do it'.

CHAPTER5

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

We have only people problem and not business problems. Knowledge of

people is more important than product knowledge. 'I will pay more for the

ability to deal with people than for any other ability under the sun. 'said,

John Rock Feller. Magnetic and pleasing personalities are built by

successful people that make them charismatic. Some people never lose

their attractiveness regardless of age. When you are best to yourself then

you are good to others and vice versa. Life is like a boomerang. We get

what we give. Generally, we see the world not the way it is but the way we

are. Most of the time, other people's behaviour is a reaction to our own.

For effective interpersonal skills we have to develop certain qualities. We

should generate trust in us. Reliability, consistency, respect, fairness,

openness, congruence of words and action, competence, integrity,

acceptance and character help in building trust. Selfishness, lack of


courtesy, inconsiderate behaviour, not meeting commitments, rude

behaviour, lack of integrity and honesty, arrogance, conceit come in the way

of building .positive relationships. The biggest hurdle in building positive

relationship is ego. Ego is a -negative pride resulting in arrogance. 'I

know it all' attitude affects relationship. Acceptance of responsibility, not

blaming others, consideration, creating a win-win situation; choosing words

carefully, avoiding criticism and complaints help build relationships.

Points to note while offering criticism are: Be a coach; aim to correct than to

punish; be specific rather than saying like 'you never' etc. Vague criticism

cause resentment, get your facts right. Do not jump to conclusions.

Criticize to persuade, not intimidate. Criticize in private not in public. Give

the other person an opportunity to explain. Show the other person that

they would benefit by correcting their mistake. Criticize the performance

and not the performer. Do not express personal resentment. Ask for

suggestions for improvement. Do not overdo it. If others change

congratulate them. Close on a positive note with appreciation. Smile and

be kind to people. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. A smile

improves face value. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve looks.

Always learn to put positive interpretation on other people's behaviour.

One should be a good listener to improve relationship. Listening shows

caring. When we show caring attitude towards another person, that person

feels important. When he feels important he is motivated and becomes

receptive to our ideas. 'Nothing great is ever achieved without

enthusiasm.' said, Ralph Waldo Emerson. Charles Schwab, a steel

producer who was earning a salary of a million dollar a year when asked

about his success said, 'I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among

men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best of that in

a man is by appreciation and encouragement. '

Be honest and sincere in giving appreciation. The psychologist William


James said, 'One of the deepest desires of human being is the desire to be

appreciated. The feeling of being unwanted is hurtful.' Expensive Jewels

are not real gifts, those are apologies for shortcomings. We usually buy

gifts for people to compensate for not spending enough time with them.

Real gifts are those when we give part of ourselves. Appreciation should be

specific and spontaneous apart from sincere. We should not qualify

appreciation with a but. We should accept our mistakes willingly and

immediately. When other person realizes his mistake and admits the

mistake one should be graceful enough to accept it and give him a way out

to save his face by congratulating him for his admission. We should learn to

discuss and not to argue. The best way to win an argument is, to just avoid

it. Nobody has won an argument ever. If you think you won, then you lose.

Of course you lose it when you lose it. It is like fighting a losing battle.

Even if you win an emotional battle it leaves a residual ill will. The more

arguments you win the fewer friends you have. One has to practice

maturity, if one has to accomplish great things in life. The way a person

handles an argument is a reflection of his upbringing. Do not gossip.

Gossip tarnishes reputations, topples governments, wrecks marriages, ruins

careers and makes the innocent cry. Turn your promises into commitments.

Commitments come out of character and leads to conviction. Be grateful

and do not expect gratitude. Be dependable and practice loyalty. Have a

sense of humour. One should develop the quality to laugh at oneself. It

gives him the energy to bounce back.

CHAPTER 6

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND AND HABITS

We are all born to lead successful lives but our condition leads us to failure.


If we analyze, the successful person, he is doing something right in each

transaction and the failing person is repeating the same mistake in every

transaction. Some people keep practicing their mistakes and become

perfect in them. The ability to show courage in the face of adversity; show

restraint in the face of temptation; .choose happiness in the face of hurt;

show character in the face of despair; see opportunity in the face of

obstacles is great. These are not coincidences but a result of constant

training. Our thoughts lead to actions, action leads to habits, and habits

form character and character determines our destiny. We have to form

good habits by conditioning. The elephants are conditioned to stay in one

place with a weak rope. The elephant, when it is a baby is tied to a strong

chain and a strong tree. It keeps tugging and pulling the chain, all in vain. A

day comes when it realizes that all the tugging and pulling will not help. It

stops and stands still. It is conditioned. When it grows big it is tied to a

weak rope which it does not pull because of the conditioning. If we feed

our mind with thoughts of fear, doubt and hate, the subconscious converts

them into reality. We are creatures of habit. We control our habits by

exercising control and self-discipline over our thoughts. We all can form

positive habits. We can prepare our subconscious by autosuggestion and

visualization.

CHAPTER 7

GOAL-SETTING

If you know the destination then knowledge helps you to reach your

destination.

Let us see the story of Florence Chadwick. On July 4, 1952 Florence

Chadwick was on her way to swim the Catalina Channel. Even though she

was striving to reach the shore frantically she saw only dense fog through

her goggles. She gave up because she was unable to see the shore. She


was very disappointed when she found later that she was only half a mile

from the coast when she gave up. Two moths after that incident she swam

the Catalina Channel despite bad weather. She just kept her eyes on the

goal.

When we are not sure of our end point any road may lead us to it. People

shun away from setting goals due to pessimistic attitude, fear of failure,

lack of ambition, fear of rejection, Procrastination and lack of knowledge

about goal setting.

Most of the people when asked what is their major objective in life, they

may say “I want to be successful”. This is only a vague wish and not a goal.

When we buy a plane ticket We want to know the starting point, price,

destination, starting date etc, the goal also should be SMART. That is, a

goal should be S Specific, M Measurable, A Achievable, R Realistic and

T Time Bound. A goal should be a balanced one. It should be consistent

with our health and social responsibility. It should be consistent with our

values. Mere activity without accomplishing anything is meaningless.

CHAPTER 8

VALUES AND VISION

THE SEVEN deadly sins are wealth without work; pleasure without

conscience; knowledge without character; commerce without morality;

science without humanity; religion without sacrifice; and politics without

principle. The ultimate test of our value system is to subject ourselves to

the Mama test. Whatever you are doing at home or at work or alone ask

yourself. ‘If my Mama were to see me doing, what I am doing right now,

would she be proud of me.' If you feel, she would feel proud do it.’ Values

and virtues are not hereditary. They are learnt. How do we like to be

remembered?

A newspaper reported wrongly in its obituary “Dynamite King Dies”, “He

was the merchant of death”. The person was alive and when he saw the

obituary column of his death, he felt bad. He felt bad because he knew

about how he would be remembered after his death. From that day he

started to work for peace. He was none other that Alfred Nobel who

invented dynamite. He is remembered today not as a Dynamite King but by

the great Nobel Prizes. Commitments to Values and Ethics are the greatest

commitments.

We should learn to live a purposeful life. We should definitely have a vision

in life. Everything we see today were dreams which became realities later

on. We should very well remember that Winners do not do different things.

They do things differently.


you can win

Documents

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