7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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N h u a ` m s A m ` ` m a g f r

Y H V K V _ ^ E F D H C I L A

MV_^IL KMOMV@FY

Ohpyriagt Nhua`ms Am``magfr

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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^gf riagt hb Nhua`ms Am``magfr th ef infltibifn ms mutghr hb tgiswhrc gms effl mssfrtfn ey gik il moohrnmlof witg sfotihls 11 mln

17 hb tgf Ohpyriagt, Nfsials mln Zmtflts Mot !77"

M`` riagts rfsfr#fn" $h pmrt hb tgis pue`iomtihl kmy ef rfprhnuofn,sthrfn il m rftrif#m` systfk, hr trmlskittfn il mly bhrk hr ey mlykfmls, f`fotrhlio, kfogmliom`, pghthohpyila, rfohrnila, hrhtgfrwisf, witghut tgf prihr pfrkissihl hb tgf pue`isgfrs"

Mly pfrshl wgh ohkkits mly ulmutghri%fn mot il rf`mtihl th tgispue`iomtihl kmy ef `ime`f th orikilm` prhsfoutihl mln oi#i` o`miks

bhr nmkmafs"

M O&Z omtm`hauf rfohrn bhr tgis tit`f ism#mi`me`f brhk tgf 'ritisg (iermry"

I_EL 917 = 7>92 !2= !

www"mustilkmomu`fy"ohk

)irst Zue`isgfn *+-Mustil . /momu`fy Zue`isgfrs (tn"+: Omlmnm =5umrfOmlmry ?gmrb(hlnhl>6 :('

Zriltfn . 'huln il Arfmt 'ritmil

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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&^9= M )4$$3 (M$A4MA>

^gf Fla`isg gmvf lh rfspfot bhr tgfir `mlaumaf

Afhraf 'frlmrn =gmw 0 Zyakm`ihl

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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Lh hlf clhws bhr ofrtmil fxmot`y ghw kmly Fla`isg-spfmcila

pfhp`f tgfrf mrf il tgf whr`n, ut tgfrf mrf ki``ihls bhr wgh

Fla`isg is lht tgfir lmtivf `mlaumaf, ut wgh try! ^gf rfsu`t is

hbtfl gi`mrihus! "rf#uflt b`yfrs kmy wf`` gmvf flohultfrfn shkfhb tgf situmtihls smkp`fn f`hw il tgf ohursf hb tgfir a`hf-

trhttila!

A>^^&$A ;>

ur rfprfsfltmti#f wi`` kmcf yhu wmit mt tgf mirphrt" ^gf eus th tgfghtf` ruls m`hla tgf `mcf sghrf" =hhl yhu wi`` bff` p`fmsurf il

pmssila wmtfr" 3hu wi`` clhw yhu mrf afttila lfmr tgf ghtf`efomusf yhu wi`` ah rhuln tgf efln"

^gf kmlmafr wi`` mwmit yhu il tgf fltrmlof gm``" ;f m`wmys trifs thgm#f iltfrohursf witg m`` lfw aufsts"

34< ;^>(

&b tgis is yhur birst #isit, yhu mrf wf`ohkf th it"

^gis is m bmki`y ghtf` sh ogi`nrfl mrf #fry wf`ohkf" ?f hb ohursfmrf m`wmys p`fmsfn th moofpt mnu`tfry"

'fomusf hb tgf ikprhprifty hb fltfrtmilila aufsts hb tgf hpphsitfsf il tgf efnrhhk, it is suaafstfn tgmt tgf `heey ef usfn bhr tgmtpurphsf"

^gf kmlmafr gms pfrshlm``y pmssfn m`` tgf wmtfr sfr#fn gfrf"

Aufsts mrf il#itfn th ohl8uamtf il tgf emr mln fphsf tgfksf`#fs thhtgfrs" Z`fmsf lhtf tgmt `mnifs mrf lht m``hwfn th gm#f tgfir emeifsil tgf emr"

^gf emr gms spfoim` ohoctmi`s bhr tgf `mnifs witg luts"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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?f hramlisf shoim` amkfs sh lh aufst is f#fr `fbt m`hlf th p`mywitg giksf`b"&l omsf hb birf, nh yhur utkhst th m`mrk tgf phrtfr"

^gf `ibt is efila bifn bhr tgf lft nmy" Nurila tgmt tikf wf rfarftyhu wi`` ef ulefmrme`f"

Nh lht fltfr tgf `ibt emocwmrns mln hl`y wgfl `it up"

^h kh#f tgf omeil, pusg eutthl bhr tgf wisgila b`hhr" &b tgf omeilsghu`n fltfr khrf pfrshls, fmog hlf sghu`n prfss m lukefr bhrwisgila b`hhr" Nri#ila is tgfl ahila m`pgmeftiom``y ey lmtihlm`

hrnfr"

34< #fry rhhk gms fof``flt bmoi`itifs bhr yhur pri#mtf pmrts" &l wiltfr,f#fry rhhk is hl gfmt"

>mog rhhk gms m em`ohly hbbfrila #ifw hb hutstmlnila hesoflity"

3hu wi`` lht ef nisturefn ey trmbbio lhisf ms tgf rhmn eftwffl tgfghtf` mln tgf `mcf is usfn hl`y ey pfnfrmsts"

3hur efn gms effl kmnf il moohrnmlof witg `hom` trmnitihl" &b yhugm#f mly htgfr infms, p`fmsf rila bhr tgf ogmkefrkmin" Z`fmsf tmcfmn#mltmaf hb gfr" =gf wi`` ef #fry p`fmsfn th s5umsg yhur sgirts,e`husfs mln ulnfrwfmr" &b mscfn, sgf wi`` m`sh s5uff%f yhurtrhusfrs"

3hu mrf il#itfn th tmcf mn#mltmaf hb tgf ogmkefrkmin"

&b yhu wmlt ohlnitihl hb wmrk il yhur rhhk, p`fmsf ohltrh`yhursf`b"

Z`fmsf th emtgf ilsinf tgf tue"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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&t is bhreinnfl th stfm` ghtf` thwf`s p`fmsf" &b yhu mrf lht pfrshl thnh suog tgila, p`fmsf lht th rfmn lhtiof"

&$ ;> =^M4

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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=ial il m `mulnry E(mnifs, `fm#f yhur o`htgfs gfrf mln spfln tgfmbtfrlhhl gm#ila m ahhn tikf"

&l tgf wilnhw hb m burrifr E)ur ohmts bhr `mnifs kmnf brhk tgfirhwl scil"&l tgf nhothr9s surafry E=pfoim`ist il whkfl mln htgfr nisfmsfs"

r mt tgf nfltist E^fftg ftrmotfn ey tgf `mtfst /ftghnists"

Mln il sukkmry, tgf usum` sghp sial E>la`isg wf`` tm`cila" ;frfspffogila Mkfrioml"

=&A;^=>>&$A

^mcf hlf hb hur ghrsfnri#fl oity thurs 0 wf aumrmltff lhkisomrrimafs"

3hu mrf wf`ohkf th #isit tgf ofkftfry wgfrf bmkhus ohkphsfrs,mrtists mln writfrs mrf eurifn nmi`y fofpt ^gursnmy"

^gfrf is ml fgieitihl hb mrts ey :, pmiltfrs mln sou`pthrs"^gfy wfrf m`` ffoutfn h#fr tgf pmst twh yfmrs"

Mn#frtisfkflt bhr nhlcfy rinfs E?hu`n yhu `icf th rinf hl yhurhwl mssF

&l m tfkp`f E&t is bhreinnfl th fltfr m whkml, f#fl m bhrfialfr, ibnrfssfn ms m kml"

Mt tgf %hh EZ`fmsf nh lht bffn tgf mlikm`s" &b yhu gm#f mlysuitme`f bhhn, ai#f it th tgf aumrn hl nuty"

&t is striot`y bhreinnfl hl hur omkpila sitf tgmt pfhp`f hb nibbfrfltsf, bhr ilstmlof kfl mln whkfl, `i#f thaftgfr il hlf tflt ul`fsstgfy mrf kmrrifn witg fmog htgfr bhr tgmt purphsf"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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M lfw swikkila phh` is rmpin`y tmcila sgmpf silof tgf ohltrmothrsgm#f tgrhwl il tgf eu`c hb tgfir whrcfrs"

A>^^&$A M;&$N 34"

&l tgf htt`f-thp hb m b`mvhurfn ki`c nrilc(

M)^>< Z>$&$A, 2>>Z 4Z

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

11/31

^ MJ&N O$N>$=M^&$ )'G>= ^ ?MM(F

&l m gmirnryfr(

N $^ 4=> ?;&(> =(>>Z&$A"

&l m mr hb shmp(

N&O^&$= 4=> (&2> A4(M< =MZ"

&l m nfssfrt priltfn hl tgf htthk hb tgf hx.(

N $^ ^4 N?$"

&l rfmn punnilaZ^, >M^ $4^="

&l m ogmilsmw(

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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N $^ M^^>/Z^ ^ =^Z O;M&$ ?&^; 34< ;M$N< A>$&^M(="

&l m ogi`n%s *upfrkml ohstukf?>M= $^ >$M'(> 34^ )(3"

&l m `mlcft brhk ^miwml(

$^ ^ '> 4=>N M= ZO^&$ )

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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:hu oml hb ohursf tmcf `fsshls(

Ml Mkfrioml bhhtem`` p`myfr wms gm#ila nibbiou`ty witg gis oh``faf

ohursfs" &t wms marffn tgmt gf whu`n ef ai#fl m tfst mln ib gfpmssfn gf whu`n ef m``hwfn th stmy hl mln ohltiluf hl tgf tfmk"E& wmlt yhu th ohkp`ftf tgis sfltflof, smin tgf prhbfsshr" E`n/moNhlm`n gmn m I""F^gf p`myfr `hhcfn e`mlc mln bilm``y tgf prhbfsshr mlswfrfn bhrgik" E)mrk, yhu nukky"Eg"E?f``, &9`` ai#f yhu hlf `mst ogmlof" ;hw nh yhu spf`` bmrkFEg, tgmt9s fmsy" >&>&, yhu nukky"9

^gf =msgilathl 5hst *liaa`ft $lvitmtihlm` m wffc`y ohltfst bhrrfmnfrs. mscs rfmnfrs th tmcf m whrn brhk tgf niotihlmry, m`tfr it

y mnnila, sutrmotila hr ogmlaila ?ust hlf `fttfr, mln supp`y m

lfw nfbilitihl! >frf mrf shkf hb tgf willfrs(

'D$> tgf suestmlof surrhulnila stupin pfhp`f tgmt sthpseriagt infms brhk pflftrmtila" ^gf eh%hlf `myfr ulbhrtulmtf`ysghws `itt`f sial hb erfmcila nhwl il tgf lfmr buturf"

)Z(3 mly kisrfprfsfltmtihls mehut yhursf`b bhr tgfpurphsf hb afttila min"

OM=;^Z

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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N>OM)($ tgf aruf``ila f#flt hb afttila tgrhuag tgf nmyohlsukila hl`y tgilas tgmt mrf ahhn bhr yhu"

A(&'&N m`` tm`c mln lh motihl"

NZ>(>< >))>O^ tgf tflnfloy hb stupin infms th sffk skmrtfrwgfl tgfy ohkf mt yhu rmpin`y"

MZ^&O )&^ tgf brmltio nmlof pfrbhrkfn 8ust mbtfryhu9#f mooinfltm``y wm`cfn tgrhuag m spinfr9s wfe"

'>>(D>'4A =mtml il tgf bhrk hb m khs5uith tgmt afts ilth yhur

efnrhhk mt tgrff il tgf khrlila mln omllht ef omst hut"OM^> th ai#f up m`` ghpf hb f#fr gm#ila m b`mt sthkmog"

>=Z(M$MN> th mttfkpt ml fp`mlmtihl wgfl yhu9rf nrulc"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

15/31

?&((3$&((3 ikphtflt"

)(M''>N mppm``fn h#fr ghw kuog wfiagt yhu gm#familfn"

$>A(&A>$^ nfsoriefs m ohlnitihl il wgiog yhu mesfltkilnfn`y mlswfr tgf nhhr il yhur liagtif"

(3/Z; th wm`c witg m `isp"

AM ml h`i#fb`m#hurfn khutgwmsg"

'4=^M$O> tgf fkfrafloy #fgio`f tgmt piocs yhu up mbtfr yhugm#f effl rul h#fr ey m stfmkrh``fr"

'M(N>

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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=^M^&=^&O&M$ shkfhlf wgh is ahhn witg lukefrs mln `mocstgf pfrshlm`ity th ef ml moohultmlt"

/M^;>/M^&O&M$ m e`iln kml il m nmrc rhhk `hhcila bhr me`moc omt wgiog isl9t tgfrf *Ogmr`fs MO;>frf mrf m bfw htgfr fl`iagtflila fxmkp`fs(

^gf emlnmaf wms whuln mrhuln tgf whuln"

^gf bmrk wms usfn th prhnuof prhnuof"

^gf nukp wms sh bu`` it gmn th rfbusf rfbusf"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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?f kust ph`isg tgf Zh`isg burliturf"

;f ohu`n `fmn ib gf whu`n aft tgf `fmn hut"

^gf sh`nifr nfoinfn th nfsfrt gis nfssfrt il tgf nfsfrt"

=ilof tgfrf is lh tikf `icf tgf prfsflt, gf tghuagt it wms tikf thprfsflt tgf prfsflt"

?gfl sght mt, tgf nh#f nh#f ilth tgf eusgfs"

& nin lht he8fot th tgf he8fot"

^gf ilsurmlof wms il#m`in bhr tgf il#m`in"

^gfrf wms m rhw mkhla tgf hmrskfl mehut ghw th rhw"

^gfy wfrf thh o`hsf th tgf nhhr th o`hsf it"

^gf euoc nhfs bully tgilas wgfl nhfs mrf prfsflt"

^gf wiln wms thh strhla th wiln tgf smi`"

Mbtfr m lukefr hb il8fotihls ky 8mw aht lukefr"

;hw oml & iltikmtf tgis th ky khst iltikmtf briflnF

?f9`` efail witg m eh, mln tgf p`urm` is ehfs, eut tgf p`urm` hb h

efohkfs hfl, lht hfs"

lf bhw` is m ahhsf, eut twh mrf om``fn affsf, yft tgf p`urm` hbkhhsf sghu`n lf#fr ef kffsf"

3hu kmy biln m `hlf khusf hr m lfst bu`` hb kiof, yft tgf p`urm` hbghusf is ghusfs, lht giof"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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&b tgf p`urm` hb kml is m`wmys om``fn kfl, tgfl sghu`nlCt tgf p`urm`hb pml ef om``fn pflF

&b & spfmc hb ky bhht mln sghw yhu ky bfft, mln & ai#f yhu m ehht,whu`n m pmir ef om``fn efftF

&b hlf is m thhtg mln m wgh`f sft mrf tfftg,wgy sghu`nl9t tgf p`urm` hb ehhtg ef om``fn efftgF

&b prh is tgf hpphsitf hb ohl, wgmt9s tgf hpphsitf hb prharfssF

^gfl hlf kmy ef tgmt, mln tgrff whu`n ef tghsf, yft gmt il tgf

p`urm` whu`n lf#fr ef ghsf, mln tgf p`urm` hb omt is omts, lht ohsf"

?f spfmc hb m erhtgfr mln m`sh hb erftgrfl, eut tghuag wf smykhtgfr, wf lf#fr smy kftgrfl"

^gf tgf kmsou`ilf prhlhuls mrf gf, gis mln gik, eut ikmailf tgfbfkililf sgf, sgis mln sgik@2ft%s bmof it7- Fla`isg is m orm6y `mlaumaf!

^gfrf is lh faa il faap`mlt lhr gmk il gmkeurafrK lfitgfr mpp`flhr pilf il pilfmpp`f" >la`isg kubbils wfrfl9t il#fltfn il >la`mlnmly khrf tgml )rflog brifs wfrf il#fltfn il )rmlof" =wfftkfmtsmrf omlnifs wgi`f swffterfmns wgiog mrfl9t swfft mrf kfmt"Luiocsmln whrcs s`hw`y, ehila rilas mrf s5umrf, mln m auilfm piais lfitgfr brhk Auilfm lhr is it m pia"

Mln wgy is it tgmt writfrs writf eut bilafrs nhl9t bila, arhofrs

nhl9t arhof mln gmkkfrs nhl9t gmkF

NhfslCt it sffk orm%y tgmt yhu oml kmcf mkflns eut lht hlfmkfln"

&b yhu gm#f m eulog hb hnns mln flns mln aft rin hb m`` eut hlf hbtgfk, wgmt nh yhu om`` itF

&b tfmogfrs tmuagt, wgy ninl9t prfmogfrs prmuagtF

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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&b m #faftmriml fmts #faftme`fs, wgmt nhfs m gukmlitmriml fmtF

&b h`i#f hi` ohkfs brhk h`i#fs, wgfrf nhfs emey hi` ohkf brhkF

M eus stmtihl is wgfrf m eus sthps"M trmil stmtihl is wgfrf m trmil sthps"M whrc stmtihlIF&b m til wgist`f is kmnf hb til, wgmt9s m bha ghrl kmnf hbF

=hkftikfs & tgilc m`` tgf bh`cs wgh arfw up spfmcila >la`isg

sghu`n ef ohkkittfn th ml msy`uk bhr tgf #frem``y ilsmlf"

&l wgmt htgfr `mlaumaf nh pfhp`f rfoitf mt m p`my mln p`my mt mrfoitm`F

?f sgip ey truoc eut sfln omrah ey sgip"?f gm#f lhsfs tgmt rul mln bfft tgmt skf``"

?f pmrc il m nri#fwmy mln nri#f il m pmrcwmy"

;hw oml m s`ik ogmlof mln m bmt ogmlof ef tgf smkf,wgi`f m wisf kml mln m wisf auy mrf hpphsitfsF

&b 5uittfrs lf#fr wil mln willfrs lf#fr 5uit, wgmt iniht omkf upwitg ELuit wgi`f yhu9rf mgfmnF

?ghsf oruf` infm wms it bhr tgf whrn E`isp th gm#f ml Es il itF

=ilof Mkfriomls tgrhw riof mt wfnnilas, nh Msimls tgrhwgmkeurafrsF

?gy mrf tgfrf : sy``me`fs il tgf whrn Ekhlhsy``meioF

?gy is it wgfl m nhhr is hpfl it oml ef m m8mr eut wgfl m 8mr ishpfl it omllht ef m nhhrF

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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?gy nh wf wmsg emtg thwf`sF Mrfl9t wf supphsfn th ef o`fmlwgfl wf usf tgfkF

& wflt th m ehhcsghp mln mscfn, E?gfrf9s tgf sf`bgf`p sfotihlF^gf sm`fskml smin ib gf th`n kf it whu`n nfbfmt tgf purphsf"

?mr nhfsl9t nftfrkilf wgh9s riagt, 8ust wgh9s `fbt"

3hu gm#f th kmr#f` mt tgf uli5uf `ulmoy hb m `mlaumafil wgiog yhur ghusf oml eurl up ms it eurls nhwl, il wgiog yhubi`` il m bhrk ey bi``ila it hut, mln il wgiog ml m`mrk ahfs hbb eyahila hl"

Oml yhu ef sgf#f``fn hr cfkptFMrf yhu ohutgF&s yhur ghusf orfpit hr `mpinmtfnF&b sh, mrf yhu suitme`y ohlofrtfn, ohultflmlofn, arult`fn mlnohurmafnF>la isg wms il#fltfn ey pfhp`f, lht ohkputfrs, mln it rfb`fots tgforfmti#ity hb tgf gukml rmof wgiog hb ohursf is lht m rmof mt m``"

^gmt is wgy wgfl tgf stmrs mrf hut tgfy mrf #isie`f eut wgfl tgf`iagts mrf hut tgfy mrf il#isie`f"

Nin yhu clhw tgmt lh whrn il tgf >la`isg `mlaumaf rgykfs witgkhltg, hrmlaf, si`#fr mln purp`fF

Mln, il o`hsila, ib )mtgfr is Zhp, ghw ohkf /htgfr9s lht /hpF

M$N &) Z>Z(> )N Z(>=^;>$ Z>Z(> )

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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^wh h`n nfmrs wflt th sff m pfrbhrkmlof hb ;M/(>^ il tgf `hom`ogurog gm``" l tgfir wmy ghkf, /i`nrfn mscfn >nitg wgmt sgf

tghuagt hb tgf p`my"Eg, it wms #fry liof, nfmr, #fry liof, eut it wms bu`` hb 5uhtmtihls,wmsl9t itF

*gmcfspfmrf ohu`n wf`` f hlf hb tgf whr`n%s khst #uhtfn writfrs!

^gf bh``hwila pifof y 4frlmrn 2fvil is ml fxof``flt i``ustrmtihl!

&b yhu omllht ulnfrstmln ky mraukflt mln nfo`mrf E&t9s Arffc thkf, yhu mrf 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" &b yhu o`mik th ef khrf sillfn

mamilst tgml sillila, yhu mrf 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" &b yhu rfom``yhur sm`mn nmys, yhu mrf 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" &b yhu mot khrf ilshrrhw tgml il mlafr, ib yhur wisg is bmtgfr th tghuagt, ib yhur `hstprhpfrty gms #mlisgfn ilth tgil mir, yhu mrf 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" &byhu gm#f f#fr rfbusfn th eunaf ml ilog hr subbfrfn brhk arfflfyfn 8fm`husy, ib yhu gm#f p`myfn bmst mln `hhsf, ib yhu gm#f efflthlauftifn, m thwfr hb strflatg, ghhnwilcfn hr il m pioc`f, ib yhugm#f clittfn yhur erhws, kmnf m #irtuf hb lfofssity, ilsistfn hlbmir p`my, s`fpt lht hlf wilc, sthhn hl ofrfkhly, nmlofn

mttflnmlof *hl yhur `hrn mln kmstfr-, `muagfn yhursf`b ilthstitogfs, gmn sghrt sgribt, oh`n ohkbhrt hr thh kuog hb m ahhn tgila,ib yhu gm#f sffl efttfr nmys hr `i#fn il m bhh`9s pmrmnisf 0 wgy, eftgmt ms it kmy, tgf khrf bhh` yhu, bhr it is m bhrfahlf ohlo`usihltgmt yhu mrf *ms ahhn `uoc whu`n gm#f it- 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" &byhu tgilc it is fmr`y nmys mln o`fmr hut ema mln emaamaf, ib yhutgilc it is giag tikf mln tgmt tgmt is tgf `hla mln sghrt hb it, ib yhuef`if#f tgmt tgf amkf is up mln tgmt trutg wi`` hut f#fl ib it

il#h`#fn yhur hwl b`fsg mln e`hhn, ib yhu `if `hw ti`` tgf ormoc hbnhhk efomusf yhu suspfot bhu` p`my, ib yhu gm#f yhur tfftg sft hlfnaf *mt hlf bf`` swhhp- witghut rgykf hr rfmshl, tgfl 0 th ai#ftgf nf#i` gis nuf 0 ib tgf trutg wfrf clhwl *bhr surf`y yhu gm#f mthlauf il yhur gfmn- yhu mrf 5uhtila =gmcfspfmrf" >#fl ib yhu einkf ahhn rinnmlof mln sfln kf pmocila, ib yhu wisg & wms nfmn msm nhhrlmi`, ib yhu tgilc & mk ml fyfshrf, m `muagila sthoc, tgf nf#i`ilomrlmtf, m sthlygfmrtfn #i``mil, e`hhnykilnfn hr m e`ilcilainiht, tgfl 0 ey h#f@ (hrn@ ^ut, tut@ )hr ahhnlfss9 smcf@ ?gmt

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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tgf niocfls@ 'ut kf lh euts 0 it is m`` hlf th kf, yhu mrf 5uhtila=gmcfspfmrf"

Luhtfn il E^gf *thry hb Fla isg,

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

23/31

$ `ft tgf omt hut!

'rf#ity is tgf shu` hb wit"

3$** 7 cffp it sghrt, stupin0

ut, nmklfn spht@^gis `hhny nftfraflt%s usf`fss0

Nin & lht nmlof witg yhu il 'rmemlt hlofF^gfrf kust f m fttfr hpflila amkit

^gis nflhtfn m bhrfahlf ohlo`usihl

+fbilitihl hb prfkmturf f?mou`mtihl/

$b mly `fmrlfr oml survivf m`` tgmt, tgfrf ohkfs tgf bilm` hrnfm` hb

tgf ph`itiom``y ohrrfot mln htgfr lfw `ilauistiom` y shoim`

rfau`mtihls, ms i``ustrmtfn il tgf rfwritila hb tgf mtt`f hb

^rmbm`amr!

$>(=$ =fln tgf sialm`, ;mrny";Mla`mln fpfotsf#fry pfrshl th nh gis]gfr nuty rfamrn`fss hb rmof, aflnfr, sfum`hrifltmtihl, rf`iaihus pfrsumsihl hr nismei`ity" *-

;Mla`mln pmst tgf oflshrs `fst it ef ohlsinfrfn rmoist"

$>(=$ Amn%hhcs, ;mrny" ;mln kf ky pipf mln themooh"

;M

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

24/31

$>(=$ &l tgmt omsf, erfmc hpfl tgf ruk rmtihl th stff` tgf kflefbhrf emtt`f"

;M(=$ Ahhn gfm#fls, ;mrny" ?f``, & supphsf wf gmn efttfraft hl witg it" )u`` spffn mgfmn@

;M(=$ ^gfl aft kf tgf sgip9s omrpfltfr witghut nf`my, ;mrny"

;M

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

25/31

;M(=$ ?gmtf#fr lft@ Ai#f kf bu`` smi`" ^gf sm`t sprmyefochls"

;M(=$ & gm#f lf#fr gfmrn hb suog ilbmky" 'rfmc hut tgf

omllhl mln tf`` tgf kfl th stmln ey th flamaf tgf flfky"

;M(=$ ?gmt mehutF

;M

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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$>(=$ Mrfl9t wf ahila th silc tgf )rhas mln NmahsF

;Murhpfml pmrtlfrslhw" Moohrnila th tgf ohkkhl bisgfrifs ph`ioy wf sghu`nl9t f#flef il tgfsf wmtfrs" ?f ohu`n aft git witg m o`mik bhr ohkpflsmtihl"$hw, put hl yhur 2f#`mr #fst, it9s tgf ru`fs"

$>(=$ Nhl9t tf`` kf 0 gfm`tg mln smbfty" ?gmtf#fr f#frgmppflfn th ruk, shnhky mln tgf omt hb lilf tmi`sF

;M(=$ &l tgmt omsf, ciss kf, ;mrny@

*- &t is iltfrfstila th lhtf tgmt Afhraf rwf`` gmn m`rfmnyEtrmls`mtfn $f`shl9s ikkhrtm` pgrmsf E>la`mln mltioipmtfs tgmt,ms rfamrns tgf ourrflt fkfrafloy, pfrshllf` wi`` bmof up th tgfissufs mln ffroisf mpprhprimtf`y tgf bulotihls m``homtfn th tgfirrfspfoti#f hooupmtihlm` arhups"

's m `mst rfshrt, truf `hvfrs hb tgf Fla`isg `mlaumaf, orm6y ms itkmy f mln prhm`y fomusf it is sh orm6y. sghu`n ohpy mln sfln

tgf bh``hwila kfssmaf th hur trmlsmt`mltio ohusils!

^h tgf oiti%fls hb tgf 4litfn =tmtfs hb Mkfriom,brhk ;fr =h#frfial /m8fsty Luffl >`i%meftg &&

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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&l `iagt hb yhur ikkfnimtf bmi`urf th bilmloim``y kmlmaf yhursf`#fsmln m`sh il rfoflt yfmrs th f`fot ohkpftflt Zrfsinflts hb tgf 4=Mmln tgfrfey lht efila me`f th ah#frl yhursf`#fs, wf gfrfey ai#f

lhtiof hb tgf rf#homtihl hb yhur ilnfpflnflof, fbbfoti#fikkfnimtf`y"

*3hu sghu`n `hhc up Brf#homtihl9 il tgf bhrn >la isgNiotihlmry"-

;fr =h#frfial /m8fsty Luffl >`i%meftg && wi`` rfsukfkhlmrogiom` nutifs h#fr m`` stmtfs, ohkkhlwfm`tgs, mln tfrrithrifs*fofpt 2mlsms, wgiog sgf nhfs lht bmloy-"

3hur lfw Zrikf /ilistfr, Ahrnhl 'rhwl, wi`` mpphilt m Ah#frlhrbhr Mkfriom witghut tgf lffn bhr burtgfr f`fotihls"

Ohlarfss mln tgf =flmtf wi`` ef nisemlnfn" M 5ufstihllmirf kmyef oirou`mtfn shkftikf lft yfmr th nftfrkilf wgftgfr mly hb yhulhtiofn"

^h min il tgf trmlsitihl th m 'ritisg Orhwl nfpflnfloy, tgf

bh``hwila ru`fs mrf iltrhnuofn witg ikkfnimtf fbbfot

" ^gf fttfr B49 wi`` ef rfilstmtfn il whrns suog ms Boh`hur,9Bbm#hur,9 B`mehur9 mln Clfiagehur"C (icfwisf, yhu wi```fmrl th spf`` CnhuaglutC witghut scippila gm`b tgf `fttfrs,mln tgf subbi Bi%f9 wi`` ef rfp`mofn ey tgf subbi Bisf"9Aflfrm``y, yhu wi`` ef fpfotfn th rmisf yhur #homeu`mry

th moofptme`f `f#f`s" *`hhc up C#homeu`mryC-"+" 4sila tgf smkf twfltysf#fl whrns iltfrspfrsfn witg bi``frlhisfs suog ms B`icf9 mln Byhu clhw9 is ml ulmoofptme`f mlnilfbbioiflt bhrk hb ohkkuliomtihl" ^gfrf is lh suog tgila ms4= >la`isg" ?f wi`` `ft /iorhshbt clhw hl yhur efgm`b" ^gf/iorhshbt spf``ogfocfr wi`` ef mn8ustfn th tmcf ilth moohulttgf rfilstmtfn `fttfr Bu9 mln tgf f`ikilmtihl hb Bi%f"9

U" u`y 6tg wi`` lh `hlafr ef of`fermtfn ms m gh`inmy"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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6" 3hu wi`` `fmrl th rfsh`#f pfrshlm` issufs witghut usila auls,`mwyfrs, hr tgfrmpists" ^gf bmot tgmt yhu lffn sh kmly

`mwyfrs mln tgfrmpists sghws tgmt yhuCrf lht 5uitf rfmny thef ilnfpflnflt" Auls sghu`n hl`y ef usfn bhr sghhtilaarhusf" &b yhu oml9t shrt tgilas hut witghut suila shkfhlf hrspfmcila th m tgfrmpist, tgfl yhu9rf lht rfmny th sghhtarhusf"

:" ^gfrfbhrf, yhu wi`` lh `hlafr ef m``hwfn th hwl hr omrrymlytgila khrf nmlafrhus tgml m #faftme`f pff`fr" M pfrkitwi`` ef rf5uirfn ib yhu wisg th omrry m #faftme`f pff`fr il

pue`io"

H" M`` iltfrsfotihls wi`` ef rfp`mofn witg rhulnmehuts, mln yhuwi`` stmrt nri#ila hl tgf `fbt sinf witg ikkfnimtf fbbfot" Mttgf smkf tikf, yhu wi`` ah kftrio witg ikkfnimtf fbbfot mlnwitghut tgf eflfbit hb ohl#frsihl tme`fs" 'htg rhulnmehutsmln kftriomtihl wi`` gf`p yhu ulnfrstmln tgf 'ritisg sflsf hbgukhur"

1" ^gf bhrkfr 4=M wi`` mnhpt 42 priofs hl pftrh` *wgiog yhugm#f effl om``ila amsh`ilf- hb rhuag`y _]4= am``hl" Aftusfn th it"

7" 3hu wi`` `fmrl th kmcf rfm` ogips" ^ghsf tgilas yhu om``)rflog brifs mrf lht rfm` ogips, mln tghsf tgilas yhu ilsist hlom``ila phtmth ogips mrf prhpfr`y om``fn orisps"

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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Ohkkhlwfm`tg 0 sff wgmt it nin bhr tgfk" Mkfrioml ermlnswi`` ef rfbfrrfn th ms $fmr)rh%fl Almt9s 4rilf, sh tgmt m``oml ef sh`n witghut risc hb burtgfr ohlbusihl"

" ;h``ywhhn wi`` ef rf5uirfn hoomsihlm``y th omst >la`isgmothrs ms ahhn auys" ;h``ywhhn wi`` m`sh ef rf5uirfn th omst>la`isg mothrs th p`my >la`isg ogmrmotfrs" ?mtogila Mlnif/monhwf`` mttfkpt >la`isg nim`hauf il )hur ?fnnilas mlnm )ulfrm` wms ml fpfriflof mcil th gm#ila hlf9s fmrsrfkh#fn witg m ogffsf armtfr"

" 3hu wi`` ofmsf p`myila Mkfrioml bhhtem``" ^gfrf mrf hl`y

tgrff cilns hb prhpfr bhhtem``K hlf yhu om`` shoofr,Mustrm`iml

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Ahn =m#f tgf Luffl@

7/31/2019 You Must Be Joking by Douglas Gallagher

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^F_^

Ohult tgf lukefr hb E) il tgf bh``hwila tft

)&$&=;>N )&(>= M ^;> =4(^ ) 3>M$^&)&O =^4N3 O/'&$>N ?&^; ^;>

>GZ>$O> ) 3>M