08 smp timd-ief philosophy 8
TRANSCRIPT
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Successful MarriagePreparation
Successful MarriagePreparation
© 2002 International Educational FoundationIEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only
if it has not been altered from the original.
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Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal
Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal
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Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth
Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth
Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage
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Wealth Resilience Productivity
Wealth Resilience Productivity
Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage
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“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist
“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist
Best Environment for ChildrenBest Environment for Children
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“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”
J. Paul Getty
“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”
J. Paul Getty
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Are They Balanced?Are They Balanced?
Career Preparati
on
Career Preparati
on
Marriage PreparationMarriage
Preparation
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Real Success Means Good Families
Real Success Means Good Families
Rated most important source of satisfaction
Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health
Requires commitment and investment
Rated most important source of satisfaction
Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health
Requires commitment and investment
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High school and university classes
Mandated by law
High school and university classes
Mandated by law
Marriage Education Popular Worldwide
Marriage Education Popular Worldwide
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Marriage Education & Character Education
Marriage Education & Character Education
Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character
Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character
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78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important
Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan
78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important
Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan
Strongly DesiredStrongly Desired
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“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”
Rainer Maria Rilke
“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”
Rainer Maria Rilke
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Basis of keeping marriage commitments
Foundation forself–confidence
Basis of keeping marriage commitments
Foundation forself–confidence
Value of IntegrityValue of Integrity
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Clear moral values
Living up to them
Self-discipline
Clear moral values
Living up to them
Self-discipline
IntegrityIntegrity
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Cultivating interests and talents
Building self-respect Managing one’s
feelings Fostering peace
with oneself
Cultivating interests and talents
Building self-respect Managing one’s
feelings Fostering peace
with oneself
Personal DevelopmentPersonal Development
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For one’s circumstances
For one’s strengthsand weaknesses
For one’s circumstances
For one’s strengthsand weaknesses
Take Personal ResponsibilityTake Personal Responsibility
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“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”
Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful
Marriage
“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”
Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful
Marriage
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Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values
Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values
Respect for ParentsRespect for Parents
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Seeking advice concerning a mate Seeking advice concerning a mate
Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex
Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex
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Supports personal development
Protects against physical, mental
and relational risks
Context for healthy friendships
Supports personal development
Protects against physical, mental
and relational risks
Context for healthy friendships
Value of AbstinenceValue of Abstinence
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Honor Sexual BoundariesHonor Sexual Boundaries
HandHandHoldiHoldi
ngng
HandHandHoldiHoldi
ngng
NeckinNeckingg
NeckinNeckingg
PettinPettingg
PettinPettingg
Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay
Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay
SimplSimplee
KissKiss
SimplSimplee
KissKiss
ProlongProlongeded
KissKiss
ProlongProlongeded
KissKiss
RelatiRelation-on-ship ship
changchangeses
RelatiRelation-on-ship ship
changchangeses
Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco
urseurse
Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco
urseurse
BeginniBeginning ng
BeginniBeginning ng
Male Male Genital Genital Male Male
Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital PeakPeakPeakPeak
Sexual Sexual
ArousalArousalSexual Sexual
ArousalArousal
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Sexual Desire & Self–ControlSexual Desire & Self–Control
Sexual DesiresSexual Desires
Normal & healthy
Normal & healthy
Sexual ActivitySexual Activity
Controlling it isnormal & healthy
Controlling it isnormal & healthy
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Recognize profit motive
Check against reality
Recognize profit motive
Check against reality
Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment
Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment
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Make the Commitment to Abstinence
Make the Commitment to Abstinence
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Healthy friendships
Conflict resolution skills
Service
Healthy friendships
Conflict resolution skills
Service
Relational ResourcesRelational Resources
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Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems
Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems
Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers
Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers
Unhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachments
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Regular shared activity and conversation
Regular shared activity and conversation
Invest in Friendships Over Time
Invest in Friendships Over Time
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Same Gender FriendsSame Gender Friends
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Relating with modesty and respect
Relating with modesty and respect
Opposite Gender FriendsOpposite Gender Friends
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Requires virtues,
insights and skills
Requires virtues,
insights and skills
Lasting Love – Art to Be LearnedLasting Love – Art to Be Learned
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Insight into love
Information about marriage
Insight into love
Information about marriage
KnowledgeKnowledge
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Insight Into Love Insight Into Love
Love is an active verb Not just a state
or feeling
Love is an active verb Not just a state
or feeling
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True Love Internal
focus Deepened
by conflicts & separation
Productive
True Love Internal
focus Deepened
by conflicts & separation
Productive
Infatuation External
focus Weakened
by conflicts & separation
Distracting
Infatuation External
focus Weakened
by conflicts & separation
Distracting
Discerning True LoveDiscerning True Love
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Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families
Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families
“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture
“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture
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Comprehend marriage commitment
Anticipate challenges and rewards
Comprehend marriage commitment
Anticipate challenges and rewards
Value of InformationAbout MarriageValue of InformationAbout Marriage
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Compatibility
Commitment
Intimacy Passion
Compatibility
Commitment
Intimacy Passion
RecognizeComponents of Relationships
RecognizeComponents of Relationships
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1. Infatuation
2. Conflict
3. Recommitment and cooperation
4. Creativity and service
1. Infatuation
2. Conflict
3. Recommitment and cooperation
4. Creativity and service
Anticipate Phases of Marriage Anticipate Phases of Marriage
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Listening and speaking effectively
Listening and speaking effectively
Learn Good CommunicationLearn Good Communication
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Value of Conflict Resolution Skills
Value of Conflict Resolution Skills
Marriage is stressful Destroyed by
unresolved conflicts
Marriage is stressful Destroyed by
unresolved conflicts
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1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3.Defensiveness
4.Stonewalling
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3.Defensiveness
4.Stonewalling
Avoid Relationship PoisonsAvoid Relationship Poisons
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Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude
Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude
Foster ReconciliationFoster Reconciliation
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ServiceService
Broadens the experience of giving
Broadens the experience of giving
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Lessons of ServiceLessons of Service
Love requires effort To give is to receive
Love requires effort To give is to receive
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Value of higher purpose
Value of higher purpose
Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service
Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service
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Attractiveness Wealth Status
Attractiveness Wealth Status
Character Beliefs Ability to love
Character Beliefs Ability to love
Selecting a Marriage PartnerSelecting a Marriage Partner
Less Successful —
Focus on Outer Traits
Less Successful —
Focus on Outer Traits
More Successful —
Focus on Inner Traits
More Successful —
Focus on Inner Traits
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Physical attractiveness
Economic potential Status
Physical attractiveness
Economic potential Status
Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners
Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners
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Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to
sacrifice Sense of humor
Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to
sacrifice Sense of humor
Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples
Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples
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To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself
To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself
“To be loved, be lovable.”
“To be loved, be lovable.” OvidOvid
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Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage
Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage
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Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits
Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits
Individual happiness
Family stability National strength
Individual happiness
Family stability National strength
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