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Chapter 7Chapter 7

Revising Revising BusinessBusinessMessagesMessages

Chapter 7Chapter 7

Revising Revising BusinessBusinessMessagesMessages

**Final Phase: Significant Amount of **Final Phase: Significant Amount of Time**Time**

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Revising for Clarity, Conciseness, and

Readability• Keep it simple.

• Keep it conversational.

• Remove opening fillers.

• Eliminate redundancies.

• Reduce compound prepositions.

• Purge empty words.

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Revising for Clarity, Conciseness, and

Readability• Kick the noun habit.

• Dump trite “business” phrases.

• Develop parallelism (balanced construction).

• Apply graphic highlighting.

• Measure readability.

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Keep it simple.Avoid indirect, pompous language.

• Poor: It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time.

• Improved: You may sign now.

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Keep it conversational.• Formal: Our Accounting Department

takes this opportunity to inform you that we have credited your account for the aforementioned sum.

• Conversational: We have credited your account for $100.

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Remove opening fillers.• Wordy: There are four new

menu items we must promote.

• Improved: We must promote four new menu items.

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Eliminate redundancies.

• collect together

• contributing factor

• personal opinion

• perfectly clear

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Reduce compound prepositions.

• at such time• at which time• due to the fact that• inasmuch as

Reduce to when.Reduce to when.Reduce to because.Reduce to because.

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Purge empty words.

• As for the area of athletic shoes, the degree of profits sagged.

– As for athletic shoes, profits sagged.

• This is to inform you that we have a toll-free service line.

– We have a toll-free service line.

• Not all students who are registered will attend.

– Not all [registered] students will attend.

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Kick the noun habit.• Wordy: We must conduct an investigation

of all parking violations before we can give consideration to your fine.

• Improved: We must investigate all parking violations before we can consider your fine.

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Dump trite "business" phrases.

• Trite: Pursuant to your request, enclosed please find a job application.

• Improved: As requested, we have enclosed a job application.

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Develop parallelism (balanced

construction).• Not parallel: We can collect

information, store it, and later it can be updated.

• Parallel: We can collect, store, and update information.

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Use Numbered Lists for “High Skim” Value

Follow these steps to archive a document:

1. Select the document.

2. Select a folder.

3. Provide a file name.

4. Click “Save.”

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Use Bulleted Lists for “High Skim” Value

Consumers expect the following information at product Web sites:

• Price

• Quality

• Performance

• Availability

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Add Headings for Visual Impact and Readability

A number of topics must be discussed at our next meeting:

Budget. Come prepared to discuss your expense requests.

Schedule. Who will be taking vacations or leaves?

Hiring. Soon we must begin the hiring process to replace Matt.

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Other Graphic Techniques

• All caps• Underlining• Bold• Italics

• Blank space

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What to Watch for When Proofreading

• Spelling (Spell Check)

• Grammar (C.L.U.E. Reviews)

• Punctuation

• Names and numbers

• Format

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How to Proofread Routine Documents

• For computer messages, read on the screen or, better yet, print a rough copy to read.

• For handwritten or printed messages, read carefully and use proofreading marks to indicate changes.

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Basic Proofreader’s MarksDelete

Capitalize

Lowercase (don’t capitalize)

Transpose

Close up

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Basic Proofreader’s MarksInsert

Insert space

Insert punctuation

Insert period

Start paragraph

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Marked Copy

This is to inform you that beginning september 1 the doors leading to the Westside of the building will have alarms. Because of the fact that these exits also function as fire exits they can not actually be locked consequently we are instaling alrams. Please utilize the east side exists to avoid setting off the ear piercing alarms.

This is to inform you that beginning september 1 the doors leading to the Westside of the building will have alarms. Because of the fact that these exits also function as fire exits they can not actually be locked consequently we are instaling alrams. Please utilize the east side exists to avoid setting off the ear piercing alarms.

usel

doors

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Revised Copy

Beginning September 1 the doors leading to the west side of the building will have alarms. Because these doors also function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid setting off the ear-piercing alarms.

Beginning September 1 the doors leading to the west side of the building will have alarms. Because these doors also function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid setting off the ear-piercing alarms.

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How to Proofread Complex Documents

• Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.

• Set it aside for a breather.

• Allow adequate time for careful proofreading.

• Be prepared to find errors. Congratulate, not criticize, yourself each time you find an error!

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How to Proofread Complex Documents

• Read the message at least twice – for meaning and for grammar/mechanics.

• Reduce your reading speed. Focus on individual words.

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Evaluating the Outcome• How successful will this

communication be?

• Does the message say what you want it to say?

• Will it achieve its purpose?

• Did you encourage feedback so that you will know whether it succeeded?

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Guffey’s 3 x 3 Writing Process

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The Complete Process

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

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The Complete Process

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

2. WritingResearchOrganizeCompose

2. WritingResearchOrganizeCompose

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The Complete Process

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

1. PrewritingAnalyzeAnticipateAdapt

2. WritingResearchOrganizeCompose

2. WritingResearchOrganizeCompose

3. RevisingReviseProofreadEvaluate

3. RevisingReviseProofreadEvaluate

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1. Prewriting• Analyze: Define your purpose.

Select the most appropriate form (channel). Visualize the audience.

• Anticipate: Put yourself in the reader’s position and predict his or her reaction to this message.

• Adapt: Consider ways to shape the message to benefit the reader, using his or her language.

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2. Writing• Research: Collect data formally

and informally. Generate ideas by brainstorming and clustering.

• Organize: Group ideas into a list or an outline. Select the direct or indirect strategy.

• Compose: Write first draft, preferably on a computer.

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3. Revising• Revise: Revise for clarity, tone,

conciseness, and vigor. Revise to improve readability.

• Proofread: Proofread to verify spelling, grammar, punctuation, and format. Check for overall appearance.

• Evaluate: Ask yourself whether the final product will achieve its purpose.

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EndEnd