F O R S T A R T E R S

f r o m D o u g F i e l d s

TRENCHE SI N T H E

YOU T H LE ADER T RAINING ON T HE GO

TRAINING on the GOQuick—name the fi rst and

last names of your students’

parents. How many did you get

right?

In what way do you involve

parents in your ministry to

youth?

Renee is a mom of two high school students, and she’s a youth minis-try volunteer. She never intended to get involved with youth ministry because her growing-up years were so diffi cult that she didn’t believe she had anything to offer. As a teenager herself, Renee struggled with an eat-ing disorder; she spent the majority of her high school and college years battling bulimia. But with the loving support of family and friends, she eventually won her battle.

As her own kids grew up, Renee began interacting with their friends and noticed similarities in behavior between these teenagers and herself at their age. She realized that some of her daughter’s friends were battling the same disorder that wounded her so many years ago. She started talking to them and building relationships with them—eventu-ally becoming their confi dante and advisor. In doing so, she helped lead them to healing and hope.

Renee shared her story with some other women in the church, and they “pushed” her my way. Now, she has an incredible ministry to students with eating disorders. Again, she didn’t plan to end up in youth ministry—which actually made her the perfect candidate. How can you connect with parents who are like Renee? How are you like or unlike Renee?

Parents should be your greatest tool in youth ministry. Not only do they love their children much more than you ever could, but they know their children a lot better than you do. Parents can off er insight into family history, behavioral patterns, lifestyle details, and personality profi les.

Until you know their parents, you won’t truly know your students. And if this sounds intimidating, be encouraged: It’s easier to get to know parents than you might imagine. For example, if you attend a weekly youth program, just set yourself up to greet parents when they arrive to pick up their kids. Take this opportunity to ask questions, affi rm their student, or let them know about an upcoming event. Making this casual connection with parents can help open the door to a relationship with them. Basically, don’t be afraid of parents or view them as the enemy (they’re not).

Another idea: When you call a student on the phone, don’t ask for the teenager right away; instead, introduce yourself and engage in a short conversation with the parent. You may even fi nd that your phone calls last longer with adults than with students (especially if the students are junior high boys). Th e parents will appreciate this gesture more than you probably imagine. I know that, as a parent of teenagers, I’m thrilled with other adults who are investing in my kids.

Also, I believe it’s very important for healthy youth leaders to have an open-door policy for parents. Invite them to be a part of what’s happening—whether it’s a small group, a youth group night, an event, or a social time. You may have parents who do not want to be involved year-round but are willing to help from time to time—take advantage of that opening. Any interaction, even a short one, can be the foundation for building a relationship with a parent.

Commit to learn from struggling parents and families. I guarantee that parents of your students are experiencing a tough time at this very moment. Th ere may be a confl ict brewing, or they may be in the midst of a family crisis. You may have to learn from a distance, but learn just the same—by observing and listening. You may be able to talk with students in the home to fi nd out how they feel about their situation, and other times you can benefi t from talking directly with the parents. Whatever you choose to do, learning about struggling families can help you gain wisdom in caring for students.

As you commit to gaining wisdom from parents, you’ll make yourself more valuable to your students and church family.

L E A R N F R O M P A R E N T S

MA K E I T P ER SONA L

CONNECT to God’s Word

Permission to photocopy this handout granted for local church use. Copyright © Doug Fields. Published in Youth Leader Training on the Go by Group Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 481, Loveland, CO 80539. www.youthministry.com and www.simplyyouthministry.com

T O T H E PO IN T

T R Y I TGet together with your students’ parents for dinner or coffee. Keeping the atmosphere informal and comfortable, begin a discussion that involves great questions from both you and the parents. You might ask, “How can I effectively minister to your child?” or “How do you feel about the youth ministry?” or “What are you looking for in a volunteer leader who interacts with your child?” Parents may ask you about their student or even ask each other questions. Examples: “How do I motivate a lazy teen?” “How can I get my child to come to church without a fi ght?” Chances are there will be more questions than time to answer them all—and you’ll build lasting relationships with parents while making them feel valued. Consider making this a frequent event.

• Make natural parent connections—look for ways to develop relationships.

• Create ways for parents to be involved in your ministry.

• Look for ways to learn from your students’ parents.

“Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swer ve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she wil l protect you; love her, and she wil l watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost al l you have, get understanding.” —Proverbs 4:5-7

• What does wisdom promise if you pursue her in

your ministry to youth?

• How might your ministry be strengthened by

learning from parents?

Write a response and prayer to God here…

L E A R N F R O M P A R E N T S