119 the boy who would be queen

The Fairly OddParents“The Boy Who Would Be Queen”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT)#119

Story By: Butch Hartman, Steve Marmel and Kendra Mora

Script By: Steve Marmel, Butch Hartman and Tracy Berna

First Draft:12/12/00Second Draft:1/10/01Third Draft:1/26/01Fourth Draft:1/31/01Fifth Draft:2/13/01Final Draft:2/15/01

Nickelodeon Animation Studios. c2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “The Boy Who Would Be Queen” by Tracy Berna, Steve Marmel and Butch Hartman Recording Script 6/14/01

FADE IN:

EXT. DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY - LUNCH TIME

SCHOOLKIDS are at recess, having a grand time. PUSH IN ON A PICNIC TABLE where TIMMY, CHESTER AND AJ are eating lunch.

1 CHESTERAny idea what they’re talking about?

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal that the guys are watching TRIXIE TANG and VERONICA.

From the boys’ POV, the girls chatter in unintelligible walla, except for certain words that pop out.

2 TRIXIE / VERONICABlah blah shopping blah blah clothes blah blah hair blah blah blah Boyband blah blah we’ll never notice you...

3 AJNope. I don’t speak “girl.”

WIDEN TO REVEAL TIMMY ENGROSSED IN A PALM SIZED TV

ON TV, A HANDSOME MAN and ATTRACTIVE WOMAN are about to kiss.

4 TIMMY No, Roderick! Don’t do it! She’ll betray you again!

5 CHESTERDude, are you watching one of those dumb, girly soap operas?

6 TIMMYHey, there’s plenty of action on this show!

7 ANNOUNCER (VO)We’ll be back with more of the Kissy Kissy Goo Goo Romance hour! Mwah!

Chester and AJ blink incredulously.

8 TIMMYWhat? I like the writing!

TRIXIE STANDS UP, holding a glowing GOLDEN TICKET, ala “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” When she holds the ticket up, we hear a CHORUS OF ANGELS.

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9 TRIXIEBlah blah blah! BLAH!

10 TIMMYDude! What’s she saying? What’s she saying?

AJ pulls out a DEVICE.

11 AJHang on! Let me use my “Girl to Geek” translator!

12 TRIXIEBlah blah Who blah blah didn’t (screeching noise) who didn’t get invited to my birthday party tomorrow?

TRIXIE’S POV - Out of the entire CROWD, only Timmy, Chester and AJ’s hands are up.

13 TRIXIEWell, that’s everybody who’s anybody!

ON THE BOYS

14 CHESTERGreat. Another year, another Trixie Tang birthday party we didn’t get invited to.

15 TIMMYNot this time. Watch this!

Timmy confidently walks up to Trixie.

16 TIMMY Hi Trixie!

TRIXIE’S POV - Timmy’s speech is as incomprehensible to her, as hers was to him.

17 TIMMYBLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

18 TRIXIE(to Veronica)

Any idea what he’s saying?

19 VERONICANope! I don’t speak geek!

Veronica pulls out a translator.

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20 TIMMY(getting increasingly clearer)

...Too bad we can’t come to your party, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH because I got you a BLAH BLAH really GREAT GIFT!

21 TRIXIEI heard that!

SCREECH! Trixie instantly pulls out THREE TICKETS.

22 TRIXIE (hands Timmy the tickets)

Here ya go, Tommy! The party’s tomorrow. And don’t forget my gift!!

23 TIMMYMy name isn’t...BLAH BLAH BLAH! It’s BLAH BLAH!

24 TRIXIEWhatever!

Trixie and Veronica exit. Chester and AJ walk up and each grab a ticket from Timmy. Chester gives a thumbs up.

25 CHESTERGreat lie, Dude!

26 AJHe’s right! You don’t have a gift for Trixie.

27 TIMMYYet! Now all I have to do is impress her with the right gift, she’ll never forget my name again!

28 WOMAN ON TV (VO)Roderick... can you ever forgive me?

29 TIMMY(re: The TV)

I gotta go.(to TV)

RODERICK! NO!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S BEDROOM - LATER

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The room is packed with GIFTS that WANDA and COSMO have been zapping up for Timmy to give to Trixie.

30 TIMMYHmm...do girls like stink bombs?

POOF! Cosmo makes a SKUNK WITH A LIT FUSE.

31 WANDANo.

POOF! Wanda makes it go away.

32 COSMOHow about Dead frogs?

POOF! - Cosmo whips up a terrified live FROG in a COFFIN.

33 TIMMYUgh! No! Girls don’t like them and neither do I!

POOF! Wanda makes them go away. Timmy moves his finger to his nose as though he were about to pick it.

34 TIMMYWhat about...

35 WANDANO!!!

POOF! An OVEN MITT appears on Timmy’s hand, stopping him.

36 WANDASorry, Sweetie. You’re not thinking like a girl.

37 COSMOFace it, Timmy... the only way you could think like a girl is if you wished you were one!

38 TIMMYHA! Like I’d wish I was a girl! What a waste of a wish! HA!HA!HA!

39 COSMO AND TIMMY(Laugh their asses off)

Wanda - irritated - raises her wand and POOF! TIMMY BECOMES A GIRL -- with GIRL CLOTHES and a PINK BOW. Girl Timmy crosses to a MIRROR and takes a gander.

40 TIMMY

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(horrified)AAAA! What did you do? I didn’t wish for this!

41 WANDAYou said “I,” “Wish” and “Girl.”

42 TIMMY(angry)

Yeah? Well, you know what I think...?

Timmy concentrates. A THOUGHT BALLOON appears over his head. In the balloon we see VERY HIP BUTTERFLIES, VERY HIP UNICORNS and a POSTER OF WHAT IS CLEARLY A VERY HIP BOY BAND.

43 TIMMY Hey! I think like a girl now! I can totally use my girl brain and figure out what to get Trixie for her birthday!

44 COSMO(teasing) That’s a great idea, Little Girly Girly!

45 WANDA(teasing) Can I get the door for you, Ma’am?

Cosmo and Wanda laugh really hard at Timmy’s dilemma.

46 TIMMY(pissed) No. I’m off to the mall to find something Trixie’ll like. But so you have something to laugh at while I’m gone... (to Cosmo) I wish you were a woman (to Wanda)and you were a man!

47 WANDA/COSMOWhat?

48 TIMMYYou’re my Godparents. No choice.

THEY WAVE THEIR WANDS AND - POOF! COSMO AND WANDA SWITCH SEXES. THEY ARE NOW COSMA AND WANDO.

49 TIMMYCongratulations. You’re now Cosma and Wando!

50 COSMAWhat’s happening? How come I suddenly know which boy-bands rock out loud?

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51 WANDOI don’t know! Why am I tempted to scratch myself and not care who sees?

Wanda starts to scratch under her armpit.

52 TIMMYSee ya!

Timmy exits. Wando pulls out a TV.

ON TV - RODERICK and a WOMAN talk.

53 WOMANOh, Roderick.

54 RODERICKI’m not Roderick. I’m his evil twin... Roderick.

55 COSMAOther Roderick! No!

Wanda changes the channel. We hear the sounds of SPORTS!

56 COSMAFootball? What about my needs!

57 WANDOShh! I’m watching the game.

Wando cracks open a SODA and settles down as we hear the sound of men slamming against men in battle. Male Wanda <<BURPS>> as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - DIMMSDALE MALL - AFTERNOON

ANGLE ON GIRL TIMMY - looking around.

58 GIRL TIMMY (to self) Think like a girl... think like a girl...

TIMMY’S POV - THE COMIC STORE.

59 GIRL TIMMY Think like a... Oooo! The comic book store? Do I still like comics?

ON A PICTURE OF THE CRIMSON CHIN

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60 GIRL TIMMY Muscular guys in spandex fighting crime! Cool! (beat) Uh...right?

Timmy dashes into to the store. Chester and AJ peek around a corner and watch Girl Timmy.

61 AJAre you seeing what I’m seeing?

62 CHESTERYeah! A girl who actually likes Comic books! What’s up with that?

Little HEARTS begin to pop and float around AJ’s bald head.

63 AJI don’t know! But I’m gonna stare at her until she feels so awkward she has to talk to me!

64 CHESTERWhat? AJ! Snap out of it! (beat; then panicked) NO! I’VE LOST HIM!!!

Chester and AJ rush toward the comic store.

CUT TO:

INT. COMIC BOOK STORE - CONTINUOUS

GIRL TIMMY enters and heads over to the books.

65 GIRL TIMMYCool! Skull Squisher #3! And there’s only one left!

Girl Timmy reaches for SKULL SQUISHER #3 as ANOTHER GIRL HAND slinks around and reaches for it at the same time.

66 GIRL TIMMYHey! That’s mine!

They struggle with the book for a moment and it slips from both their grasps. Girl Timmy and the Anonymous Kid fall back onto their butts. Timmy looks up to see he was struggling with...

67 GIRL TIMMYTrixie Tang?

Yep. It’s her. Trixie slams her hands against Girl Timmy’s mouth.

68 TRIXIE

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(really nervous) Shh! No! I’m in here by accident. Understand? ACCIDENT! If word gets out I like boy stuff, all my friends will think I’m weird! Please! Please keep it our secret? Girl to girl?

69 GIRL TIMMYWell... okay...

Trixie hugs Girl Timmy.

70 TRIXIE Deal! You’re my new best friend!

Trixie pulls out a PICTURE OF VERONICA and rips it in half.

CUT TO:

SOMEWHERE IN THE MALL, Veronica, carrying TWO BAGS, winces in pain and drops the bags.

71 VERONICAOW!

CUT TO:

INT. COMIC BOOK STORE - CONTINUOUS

72 TRIXIEWell, you know me. Who are you?

73 GIRL TIMMYI’m Timmmm... antha?

74 TRIXIEOkay Timantha! Meet me outside Shmookiedale’s in an hour! We can mall and stuff!

Trixie slinks out of the store like a Navy Seal, and meets up with Veronica. Girl Timmy watches her leave.

75 GIRL TIMMYWow. She likes boy stuff too...

Suddenly, a GEEKY COMIC STORE CLERK rips Skull Squisher out of Girl Timmy’s hands and gives her a PINK BOOK.

76 GEEKY EMPLOYEE (really condescending, which is very very bad.)

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That book is boy stuff. Not for you! Here you go. Sweetie Pony #7. In this issue, the Lollypop Pony gallops to Ha Ha land to play with the Pooky Poofs!

77 GIRL TIMMYHey! Just because I’m a girl, doesn’t mean I can’t like stupid, violent comic books! Or Squishing skulls!

78 GEEKY EMPLOYEEAnd I want to date a girl before I’m 40, but life is cruel.

The GEEK starts pushing GIRL TIMMY out the door.

79 GIRL TIMMY Hey! You can’t do this to me!

GEEKY EMPLOYEE’S POV

80 GIRL TIMMY Blah blah blah blah blah blah!

The guy ushers Girl Timmy out of the store and right into Chester and AJ. They stare at Girl Timmy uncomfortably.

81 GIRL TIMMYUh... hi?

AJ stands directly in front of Timantha and pulls out a DEAD FROG and a STINK BOMB.

82 AJStink bomb? Dead frog?

83 CHESTER (OS)Don’t do it! It’s a trap!!!

Chester dives into scene --a full action movie move-- and knocks AJ away before he can deliver the gifts.

84 CHESTER AND AJ(IMPACT GRUNTS)

The frog lands in Girl Timmy’s hands.

85 GIRL TIMMYUGH! Boy or girl, that’s still gross!

She throws it aside as we...

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DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - SAME TIME

Wando is sitting like a guy -legs spread apart- watching football on TV, sloppily eating a plate of CHILI DOGS.

86 WANDOAre you ready yet? We were supposed to meet Timmy at the mall fifteen minutes ago!

Cosma enters in a ROBE, holding various SUNDRESSES. His hair is in HOT ROLLERS.

87 COSMAWhat do you think? This? Or This? Which goes better with my eyes?

88 WANDOFor the love of... we’re going to the mall, not the opera! Just pick something!

Cosma’s eyes well up with tears.

89 COSMA(re: Chili Dogs) Oh, would you rather I coat myself in chili?

Wando’s eyes well up with tears.

90 WANDOI WORE THIS CHILI FOR YOU!

91 COSMA (complete baby talk)

Awww... come on... I’m just kidding... is my big strong manny wanny a little sad clown?

(over the top baby talk)BOO BOO BOO BOO WEE WEE WEE DEE DEE!!!

(Wando still weeps)Oh, I give up!

Cosma storms into the bathroom and slams the door. We hear the SPLOOSH of him falling into the toilet seat.

92 COSMA (OS)Ahh! Would it kill you to leave the lid down?

93 WANDOWould it kill you to look before you sit?

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Wando scratches himself in a Nickelodeon appropriate, yet somewhat inappropriate manner and <<BELCHES>> as we...

CUT TO:

INT. MALL - A BEAUTY SALON - SAME TIME

Girl Timmy and Trixie are getting manicures and shampoos. A wall mounted TV is showing KISSY KISSY GOO GOO.

94 GIRL TIMMYWow. This feels great!

95 TRIXIEIt’s like they’re scrubbing all your troubles away!

96 GIRL TIMMYAnd they’re showing my favorite soap opera! This place rules!

97 TRIXIEIf only I could meet a boy confident enough to admit he likes Kissy Kissy Goo Goo! I’d go out with him even if he wore a stupid pink hat.

98 GIRL TIMMYReally? But I’ll bet he’d NEVER come in here.

99 TRIXIEWell, he should! If boys did more girl stuff, then girls would be able to more boy stuff!

PUSH IN ON GIRL TIMMY thinking as we hear the first musical strains of Helen Reddy’s classic “I AM WOMAN” beginning to well up in the background.

100 GIRL TIMMYYou know what, Trixie? You’re right! Come on!

Girl Timmy grabs Trixie by the hand.

101 TRIXIEWhere are we going?

102 GIRL TIMMYWhere girls fear to tread.

103 TRIXIEThe boys room?

104 GIRL TIMMY

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No. The arcade.

105 HELEN REDDYI AM STRONG! I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM WOMAN!

INT. VIDEO ARCADE

Chester, AJ and a bunch of DORKY BOYS play VIDEO GAMES.

ANGLE ON: DOORWAY -- Girl Timmy and Trixie march into the arcade and stand in the doorway. Chester and AJ are playing a game. Suddenly, Chester <<SNIFFS>> in the air.

106 CHESTERGIRLS!

They wheel. Standing triumphantly at the entrance of the arcade... are Timantha and Trixie. AJ pulls out a FROG.

107 AJFrog?

108 GIRL TIMMY TRIXIEYUCK!

109 TRIXIECOOL!

110 CHESTERAAAAAA!

Chester grabs AJ by his ankles and drags him out. His nails <<SCREECH>> against the floor as he’s pulled away.

111 AJNO! WAIT! STOP! I want to stay with the cool girls!

112 CHESTERI’m doing this for your own good. Stop resisting!! RUN!

DISSOLVE TO:

ON TIMMY and TRIXIE, playing a virtual DRIVING GAME. Girl Timmy crashes her virtual car.

113 GIRL TIMMYAAA!!!! I’m DEAD!!

114 TRIXIEI’ve NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!

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115 GIRL TIMMYBut, I’m DEAD!!

116 TRIXIEI’ve never had a friend that would go to “boy” places! This is great!

117 GIRL TIMMYYeah! And I think we really left a mark on the boys! I wonder where they went?

CUT TO:

INT. MALL / EXT. - BOYS’ BATHROOM DOOR

The camera pushes in on the boys bathroom door.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS BATHROOM - SAME TIME

Chester, in an ARMY HELMET, pounds in the last few NAILS of a hastily made, wooden, bathroom door BARRICADE.

118 CHESTERI don’t know what’s up with those girls, but we’re safe in here.

119 AJDon’t you think you’re overreacting?

120 CHESTERDude. Boys like comics, girls like dolls; boys like video games, girls like make up. We’re different! That’s why we have different bathrooms!

Veronica exits a stall.

121 VERONICAUm... am I in the wrong room?

122 CHESTERAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Chester start desperately clawing at the door.

123 CHESTERNOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!

AJ looks at Veronica and holds out the dead frog.

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124 AJHi. I’m AJ.

Veronica starts clawing at the door.

125 VERONICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

AJ looks at the frog.

126 AJI think it’s your breath.

127 FROG<<RIBBBIT!>>

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. THE MALL - LATER

Trixie stands next to a MASSIVE PILE OF NEW PURCHASES, BOXES, BAGS AND STUFF.

128 GIRL TIMMYIt was nice meeting you, Trixie!

A LIMO pulls up. A BUFF DRIVER steps out and loads the boxes into the trunk.

129 TRIXIEYou know, all week, people have been asking me what I wanted for my birthday. And you’ve given it to me!

130 GIRL TIMMYI have?

131 TRIXIEYeah! You’ve given me a friend who likes me for who I am!

132 GIRL TIMMYReally? That’s all you wanted for your birthday? A friend?

133 TRIXIEYep. Someone who isn’t afraid to say “Hey, I like Kissy Kissy Goo Goo and Skull Squisher.” If

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you were a boy I’d totally date you! (beat) See you at my party! BYE-eee!

The Limo pulls away in a cloud of DUST. Timmy smiles.

134 GIRL TIMMYOh, you’ll see me alright.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TRIXIE’S HOUSE - THAT EVENING

The upscale, luxury party is in full-swing.

CLOSER ON BUSHES - Girl Timmy, Cosma and Wando peek around the bushes.

135 GIRL TIMMYOkay. It’s party time. I wish I was a boy again.

They wave their wands and POOF! Timmy is back to normal.

136 COSMOHey! What about us? Aren’t you gonna change us...

TIMMY’S POV as he walks toward the party.

137 COSMABLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!

INT. TRIXIE TANG’S REALLY NICE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Trixie, surrounded by POPULAR KIDS, holds court. A BOUNCER, holding a CLIP BOARD, stands nearby. Chester and AJ, a bit nervous, walk up to Trixie and present their offerings.

138 CHESTERHappy Birthday, Trixie!

139 TRIXIEThanks, uh, (to bouncer) Who are they?

140 BOUNCERWho cares?

141 TRIXIERight!

Trixie throws the gifts right into her blazing FIREPLACE.

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142 CHESTERSee? I told you firewood was the perfect gift!

Chester and AJ high five.

143 TRIXIE(to Bouncer) Is she here? Did you check?

The bouncer looks at the guest list.

144 SECURITY GUARDI’m sorry. That’s all the guests, Miss Tang. Nobody named Timantha is at this party.

Trixie hangs her head sadly. AJ sadly hands her ANOTHER BOX.

145 AJTimantha’s not here? You can have her firewood too.

146 CHESTERI told you she’d break your heart.

Chester and AJ exit. Veronica jumps into frame.

147 VERONICAI can change my name to Timantha!

Without raising her head, Trixie takes out another photo of Veronica and tears it in half. Veronica winces.

148 VERONICA AAAAAAA!!!

Veronica staggers OS.

149 TIMMY (OS)Happy Birthday, Trixie.

Trixie looks up. Timmy’s carrying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

150 AJTimmy!

151 CHESTERDude, where’s your gift? (beat; then horrified) OH DON’T TELL ME GIRLS DON’T LIKE GIFTS ANYMORE!!!!

152 TIMMYI brought a special kind of gift. Something you can’t wrap up and put in

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a box.

153 AJA deadly germ?

154 CHESTERA ghost?

Hearing this, Trixie walks up to Timmy. Trixie looks around Timmy, trying to find the present.

155 TIMMYNope. Even better than a deadly germ or a ghost. (to Trixie) Trixie...

TRIXIE’S POV

156 TIMMY Ahem...BLAH let you know BLAH BLAH girls and boys BLAH BLAH...

VERONICA’S POV

157 TIMMY BLAH, BLAH I like you for who you are BLAH BLAH BLAH not what everyone expects you to be.

TRIXIE’S POV

158 TIMMY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (suddenly clear)...a friend to you. Someone who isn’t afraid to say “Hey, I like Kissy Kissy Goo Goo and Skull Squisher.”

Trixie stares for a BEAT. She is CLEARLY moved.

159 TRIXIEOh my gosh... that is so sweet...

The crowd gasps. Trixie realizes she’s being observed.

160 TRIXIE But... uh... that’s what I have girlfriends for! Security!

161 TIMMYHuh?

162 TRIXIEBye, Timmy Turner!

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163 TIMMYHey!

Trixie claps her hands twice, and the security guard pulls a LEVER. Timmy is instantly launched from the room, through the roof, and out of the house.

164 TIMMY(fading) ...You remembered my name...

CUT TO:

EXT. TRIXIE’S HOUSE - SAME TIME

On a BUSH near the house. Cosma and Wando wait patiently.

165 COSMAThree... two... one...

166 TIMMY (OS)AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Timmy lands in the bushes and pops out, covered with LEAVES, TWIGS and DIRT. Timmy brushes himself off.

167 COSMATold you she’d want a gift.

168 TIMMYIt worked! Because I treated Trixie like a person, instead of just a girl, she remembered my name!

169 WANDOBut she catapulted you out of the party.

170 TIMMYYeah, but she did it with love! And that never would have happened if you hadn’t made me a girl. Thanks. (Beat) But don’t ever do it again.

171 WANDODeal!

172 TIMMYI wish you guys were back to the way you were born!

POOF! Cosmo and Wanda are back to normal, but Cosmo’s NOSE is huge. They stare for a moment.

173 COSMO

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This is the nose I was born with! What? Can’t a guy do something to make himself pretty?

WANDA’S POV

174 COSMOBLAH BLAH? BLAH BLAH? BLAH BLAH!!!

175 WANDAWell, your parents don’t expect you home for a few hours! What do you wanna do now?

Timmy smiles.

CUT TO:

INT. BEAUTY SALON - LATER

Timmy, surrounded by BEAUTICIANS, gets the full treatment. Cosmo and Wanda are nearby in the fishbowl. Cosmo fish has a gigantic nose. The GOO GOO hour plays on a TV in the BG.

176 TIMMYMmmmm. It’s like you’re scrubbing all my troubles away!

177 SALON GIRLI’ve never met a boy sensitive enough to walk in here by himself! I totally want you to date my daughter!

178 WOMANNo! He should date mine!

179 WOMAN #2And mine!

ON FISHBOWL

180 WANDAI’m so proud of Timmy!

181 COSMOYeah! He figured out that women love sensitivity!

182 WANDAAwww...

183 COSMO

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And if you can fake that, you’re in!

Wanda conks Cosmo on the head.

WIDER ON THE SCENE -- everyone snaps to attention and watches the GOO GOO hour.

184 ON TVI’ve got bad news. Roderick’s off the show...um...I mean fell down an elevator shaft.

185 EVERY PERSON IN THE ROOMRODERICK NO!!!!!

Beat.

186 TIMMYHey, who wants to watch wrestling?

187 EVERY WOMAN IN THE ROOM WE DO!!! (WALLA IN AGREEMENT)

Timmy changes the channel. We hear a WRESTLING ANNOUNCER.

188 WRESTLING ANNOUNCERAnd Roderick has his evil twin Roderick in a toe hold!!!

189 EVERY PERSON IN THE ROOMRODERICK NO!!!!!And on the sound of sports filling the room, we...

FADE OUT.

THE END

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119 the boy who would be queen

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