20140703 edanz kyushu session 5
TRANSCRIPT
Jeffrey Robens, PhD Senior Research Consultant
Education Group Leader
Kyushu University Department of Agriculture
Session 5 – Effective writing
Kyushu University
3 July 2014
Seminar series
June 5 Effective presentations
June 12 Reviewing the literature
June 19 Academic publishing
June 26 Research and publication ethics
July 3 Effective writing
July 10 Manuscript structure
July 17 Communicating with journals
July 24 Peer review and revisions
Increasing readability
Section 1
Increasing readability
Japanese vs. English scientific writing style
Japanese English
Followed by conclusion
Cause/reason comes first
Passive voice
Followed by explanation
Conclusion comes first
Active voice
Increasing readability High readability
Your reader should…
Understand your logic immediately
Not have to read slowly
Only have to read once
Increasing readability Reader expectations
Information is easier to understand when it is placed where readers expect to find it
Good writers are aware of these expectations
Increasing readability Subject-verb placement
Readers expect verbs to closely follow the subject
Subject Verb
Increasing readability Subject-verb placement
Readers expect verbs to closely follow the subject
Subject Verb
Increasing readability Subject-verb placement
The viral infection that the patient caught on her recent trip to the outbreak-prone areas in Africa spread quickly.
The patient caught a viral infection on her recent trip to the outbreak-prone areas in Africa, and this infection spread quickly.
Increasing readability Short sentences
Reading once… 4% of readers can understand a 27-word sentence
75% of readers can understand a 17-word sentence
Pinner and Pinner (1998) Communication Skills
Goals to aim for: One idea per sentence
15–20 words
Increasing readability
30 words
The largest company, a Japanese corporation founded in 1916 outside of Osaka by Ichiro Tanaka, was considered to be a model in the development of modern employee conditions by economists.
Short sentences
Increasing readability Short sentences
Economists considered the largest company to be a model in the development of modern employee conditions. This company was a Japanese corporation founded in 1916 outside of Osaka by Ichiro Tanaka.
16 words
15 words
One idea per sentence
Increasing readability Active voice
Sentences written in the active voice are:
simple direct clear easy to read
The mechanisms regulating tumor growth were investigated.
Passive
We investigated the mechanisms regulating tumor growth.
Active
Increasing readability Active voice
Ferreira F. Cognitive Psychology 2003; 47: 164–203.
• 48 native English-speaking university students • 36 active voice sentences • 36 passive voice sentences
Accurate statements
• The dog bit the man.
• The man was bitten by the dog.
Inaccurate statements
• The man bit the dog.
• The dog was bitten by the man.
Increasing readability Active voice
707580859095
100
Active Passive
Accuracy (%)
1500160017001800190020002100
Active Passive
Decision time (ms)
Ferreira F. Cognitive Psychology 2003; 47: 164–203.
• 36 active voice sentences (‘the dog bit the man’) • 36 passive voice sentences (‘the man was bitten by the dog’)
Increasing readability Active voice is preferred
“Use the active voice when it is less wordy and more direct than the passive”. (3rd ed., pg. 42)
“Use the active voice rather than the passive voice…”. www.apastyle.org/learn/faqs/effective-verb-use.aspx
“As a matter of style, passive voice is typically, but not always, inferior to active voice”. (15th ed., pg. 177)
“In general, authors should use the active voice…”. (10th ed., pg. 320)
ACS Style Guide
APA Style
Chicago Style Guide
AMA Manual of Style
“Nature journals prefer…the active voice…” (http://www.nature.com/authors/author_resources/how_write.html)
Nature
Increasing readability Stress position
Readers focus at the end of the sentence to determine what is important.
1. You deserve a raise, but the budget is tight.
Which sentence suggests that you
will get a raise?
2. The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise.
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/
Increasing readability
The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. Your salary
will increase at the beginning of next year.
The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/
Stress position
Increasing readability
The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. Your salary
will increase at the beginning of next year.
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/
Stress position Topic position
The topic position introduces the idea of the current sentence
The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence
Stress position
Increasing readability Topic position
The patient went to the hospital to see a gastroenterologist. The doctor then performed a series of diagnostic tests. The results showed the patient suffered from a bacterial infection. Antibiotics were prescribed to treat the infection before the patient developed an ulcer.
idea idea idea idea
Topic link
sentence
Increasing readability
Busch et al. BMC Cancer. 2012; 13: 211.
Linking your ideas in your manuscript
Lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer mortality for men and women. Despite smoking prevention and cessation programs and advances in early detection, the 5-year survival rate for lung cancer is only 16% with current therapies. Although lung cancer incidence rates have recently declined in the United States, more lung cancer is now diagnosed when considered together in former- and never-smokers than in current smokers. Thus, even if all of the national anti-smoking campaign goals are met, lung cancer will remain a major public health problem for decades. New ways to treat or prevent lung cancer are therefore needed. One potential therapeutic target for lung cancer is the Wnt signaling pathway. The canonical Wnt signaling pathway in mammals consists of a family of secreted lipid-modified Wnt protein ligands that bind to a family of 7-pass transmembrane Frizzled (Fzd) receptors, as reviewed…
Topic sentence
Stress sentence
Topic sentence
Simple language
Section 2
Simple writing
Nature’s guide to authors:
Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language.
www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4
“I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”
Simple writing
To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.
To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion.
Simple language
Simple writing Complex words to avoid
Preferred Enough Clear Try Very Size Asked Keep Later Enough End Use
Avoid Adequate Apparent Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude Requested Retain Subsequently Sufficient Terminate Utilization
Simple writing
Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to
Preferred At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before
Unnecessary words
Simple writing
In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a
temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.
First, to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at 95°C until it became black.
28 words
18 words
Unnecessary words
Common mistakes
Section 3
Common mistakes Correct verb tense
Present: stating widely accepted fact “Smoking causes cancer.”
Present perfect: referring to results from
previous studies that are still relevant “Smoking has been shown to cause cancer.3”
Introduction
Common mistakes Correct verb tense
Past: describing what you did “We recruited 45 subjects for our study.”
Methods
Common mistakes Correct verb tense
Past: stating what you found “We observed that the weight of…”
Present: referring to the figures
“Figure 3 shows the increase in weight…”
Results and Figure Legends
Common mistakes Correct verb tense
Present: stating widely accepted fact
Present perfect: referring to results from
previous studies that are still relevant
Past: stating what you found “We found that smoking increased the…”
Present: referring to the implications of your
findings for the current state of the field “These results suggest that smoking increases…”
Discussion
Common mistakes Proper punctuation
Colons and semi-colons
Use colons to introduce a list Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases
that contain commas
“We analyzed four journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer, Practical Neurology, published by BMJ, and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…”
Common mistakes Proper punctuation
Colons and semi-colons
Use colons to introduce a list Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases
that contain commas
“We analyzed three journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer, Practical Neurology, published by BMJ, and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…”
1
2 3 4
5 6
Three or six?
Common mistakes Proper punctuation
Colons and semi-colons
Use colons to introduce a list Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases
that contain commas
“We analyzed four journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer; Practical Neurology, published by BMJ; and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…”
“…increased toxicity. However, this was not found…”
Common mistakes Proper punctuation
Hyphens and en dashes
Use hyphens to combine two words “wild-type”, “heat-induced increase”, “2-μm pore”
Use en dashes for ranges or combining two people’s names “aged 30−38 years”, “Mann−Whitney U test”
Do not use en dashes with ‘from’ or ‘between’ “from 30 to 38 years”, “between 30 and 38 years”
Common mistakes
Compared with is for comparing similar things
Compared to is for comparing different things
The tumor excised from the lung was compared to that from the liver.
The tumor excised from the lung was compared with that from the liver.
Comparisons
Common mistakes ‘Between’ or ‘among’?
Use between for comparisons of two groups
Use among for more than two groups
… the only difference between the original molecule and the new molecule is ...
… significant differences were observed in the values among the five molecules.
Common mistakes Respectively
Used to refer to two or more corresponding lists
The two values were 143 and 21, respectively.
The two values were 143 and 21.
The values for group A and B were 143 and 21, respectively.
Common mistakes
Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow
85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min
Respectively – example
Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set at 85, 7 and 4 mL/min, respectively. 15 words
The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min, the nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min, and the hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words
Common mistakes Data is plural
Data is the plural form of datum
The data was analyzed... This data suggests…
The data were analyzed… These data suggest…
Common mistakes UK vs. US English
• For many journals, either UK or US English is acceptable • Have to be consistent throughout
• Carefully read author guidelines for details • Hint: search for ‘English’ or ‘spelling’
http://www.bmj.com/about-bmj/resources-authors/house-style
http://www.rsc.org/images/Author_guidelines_tcm18-186308.pdf
Common mistakes UK vs. US English
Use the setting in Microsoft Word to ensure you are using the correct format
Click here to change the language settings quickly
Common mistakes UK vs. US English… and Oxford English
http://www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/#a4
UK English Oxford English US English
Analyse Analyse Analyze
Behaviour Behaviour Behavior
Centre Centre Center
Modelling Modelling Modeling
Haematology Haematology Hematology
Realise Realize Realize
Activities
Readability
Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences?
1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study.
1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s
disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study.
1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the
frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
Readability
Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences?
1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study.
1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s
disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study.
1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the
frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
Readability
Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences?
1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study.
1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s
disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study.
1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the
frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
Too long! (35 words)
Readability
Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences?
1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study.
1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s
disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study.
1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the
frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
Unnecessary words and passive voice
Active voice
Are the following sentences in active or passive voice?
1. The effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene were investigated under high pressure.
2. Surgery was performed to remove the tumor from the liver.
3. Manufacturing increased after the introduction of the new assembly line.
4. Manufacturing was increased by the introduction of the new assembly line.
Active voice
Are the following sentences in active or passive voice?
1. The effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene were investigated under high pressure.
2. Surgery was performed to remove the tumor from the liver.
3. Manufacturing increased after the introduction of the new assembly line.
4. Manufacturing was increased by the introduction of the new assembly line.
Passive
Passive
Active
Passive
We investigated the effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene under high pressure.
We performed surgery to remove the tumor from the liver.
The introduction of the new assembly line increased manufacturing.
Common mistakes
Place the correct word from the list into the space.
1. When compared ___________ that of last year’s model, the screen resolution of the new monitor is considerably better.
2. After the experiment, that data __________ analyzed to determine reaction efficiency.
3. The highest and second highest peaks corresponded to calcium and sodium, _______________.
with
were
respectively
Common mistakes
Place the correct word from the list into the space.
4. Hanako had the highest score __________ the students in the class.
5. The patients were 47 __________ 53 years old.
among
− (en dash)
Simple language
Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words.
1. The rats were fed a high protein diet and subsequently tested in the water maze.
2. We endeavored to validate our hypothesis with a smaller sample size.
3. After analyzing the results, it was apparent that the drug was exceedingly effective.
Simple language
Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words.
1. The rats were fed a high protein diet and later tested in the water maze.
2. We tried to validate our hypothesis with a smaller sample size.
3. After analyzing the results, it was clear that the drug was very effective.
Simple language
Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words.
4. The experiments were terminated once a sufficient amount of data was collected.
5. Our results show that the utilization of this new method is more efficient than currently utilized methods.
Simple language
Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words.
4. The experiments were ended once enough data were collected.
5. Our results show that the use of this new method is more efficient than currently used methods.
Simple language
Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words.
4. The experiments were ended once enough data was collected.
5. Our results show that using this new method is more efficient than currently used methods.
a majority of rapidly a number of many, several, some at a rapid rate because of as a consequence of based on on the basis of most
a majority of rapidly
a number of many, several, some
at a rapid rate because of
as a consequence of based on
on the basis of most
Unnecessary words
a majority of rapidly a number of many, several, some at a rapid rate because of as a consequence of based on on the basis of most
at this point in time although
based on the fact that to
completely filled currently
despite the fact that filled
in order to because
Unnecessary words
Thank you!
Any questions?
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Jeffrey Robens: [email protected]