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5 tips for bonding with her betterBy Laura Schaefer

Wouldnt it be a relief to finally understand what is happening behind her pretty eyes? Why is it, for example, thatthe woman in your life is serene one moment, apocalyptic the next? How can she remember details about yourlife you dont even recall? And whats w ith her taking everything so personally? Chalk it up to female brainchemistry. Heres how to tailor your courtship to her cortex, hippocampus, etc.

1. Pay attention to the little things Shell see shades of meaning in small gestures, because significant regions of the cortex the outer layer of abrain that conducts much of its high-level computing are thicker in the ladies. Therefore, an off-hand commentlike, Id rather watch the game might say more than you meant it to. Likewise, a small act of k indness (from akiss on the cheek to simply calling ahead to make reservations) will blow her away because shell consider boththe gesture and the thoughtfulness behind the gesture.

2. To keep up with her memory, take notes Its a scientific fact: women remember everything. The hippocampus takes up a larger percent of the female brainthan the male brain, which is good to know because its where memories are formed. So while you remember maybe the day you met, shes recorded your first flirtation, firs t phone call, first date, first kiss, etc. Bottomline? Theres a reason the PDA and the Google calendar were invented. Use these electronic tools to keep upwith her mighty hippocampus.

3. Follow her calm lead versus instigating fights Shes much better at reining in her aggressive impulses than you are. Doctors at the University of Pennsylvaniameasured the size of the orbitofrontal cortex, an area of the brain involved in regulating emotions. They thencompared it with the size of the amygdala, which creates emotional reactions to events. They discovered thatfemale brains have a much larger orbitofrontal-to-amygdala ratio (OAR) than male brains do. That suggestswomen are better than guys at responding calmly to rudeness or aggression. The orbitofront al cortex (OFC) isthe main modulator of amygdala action, explains researcher Ruben Gur. So if you are at a party and someoneinsults you, the amygdala, which is a very primitive and old structure in human brains, will be yelling, Kill the guy!The O FC is the part of the brain that will say: Consider the context; there are people around. Thus, if you want

to impress her, quiet your own amygdala and behave as gracefully as she does.4. Write her a poem... or at least a cute email Women excel in something called verbal fluency, or being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues,says Dr. Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine. In general, womens brains are wired to be morelanguage- centric than mens. Researchers at McMas ter University found that female brains have a greaterdensity of neurons in parts of the temporal lobe cortex, which is the area of the brain associated with languageprocessing and comprehension. This could help explain why women often know the right thing to say, send greatcards and love notes, and choose words with such care. In wooing a love interest, it wouldnt hurt to get the helpof a trusted female friend. Shell know just what to say.

5. Be her serotonin Womens brains produce significantly le ss serotonin the brain chemical that helps make us happy thanmale brains do. So if she has a tough day at work, treat to her to a transfusion: try a pep talk, soothing back rubor long hug.

Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this story, read 5 ways to understand him better .

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