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Pieter Coudenberglaan 132650 Edegem

v.u. Menachem Hertz

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The Chai Today is a publication of the Chai Center, Parklaan 120, 2650 Edegem. Account No. 552-3146300-56. For more information about our various activities or to dedicate an issue, call 03 457 49 45 or e-mail us at [email protected]

Rabbi’s Message

In This IssueConnect with the Chai Center Community review and information, Mazal Tov’s, pictures, community calen-dar and upcoming events.

Dogs and Rabbis Why are religious Jews scared of dogs?

The Purim Story and Purim Customs The original Purim story happened over 2,350 years ago...

Why Aren’t We Vegetarian I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses not to eat meat out of con-cern for animal welfare.

Will I Ever be Appreciated? The desire for appreciation seems to be one of our strongest human impulses.

The Marriage Crash Socrates, the great Greek philosopher,

Jealousy is it Always Bad? We are all jealous.

Question and Answer

Its the Chocolate not the DrinkThere is an ongoing discussion on alcohol related violence...

Short Stories From our Sages Stories of old with a lesson for today.

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Dear Friends,We live in trying times. The recent security situation is stressing even the calmest of people.

Whilst we certainly need to address this issue in a serious and responsible manner, we also look for inspiration and direction as to the best way to deal with this.

…And the festival of Purim does just that. Careful analysis of the story paints a very grim picture. The Jews as a nation were being threatened with total annihilation by a wicked minister Ha-man who received approval from Achashverosh, the king who was no great friend of the Jewish people either.

While Queen Esther went to the king to plead for her people, Mordechai, one of the leaders of that time, gathered the Jew-ish people to strengthen their commitment and connection to G-d and His Torah. No plans to assimilate or ‘blend in’ were considered. Mordechai understood that only by strengthening their dedication to Torah and Mitzvot will the true salvation be delivered.

When we celebrate Purim today, we acknowledge this fact that is so clearly stated in the Megillah, that the miracle of Purim came about only because the Jewish people increased their commitment to G-d and to Torah.

This Purim let us take this message to heart and rededicate ourselves to our heritage and traditions and may we experience great miracles for all of us today.

Happy Purim, Menachem Hertz

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Services (Tefilot) are held in the Chai Center, Parklaan 120, EdegemFriday evening: 18.00hShabbat morning: at 10.00hFollowed by Kiddush Ch

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2 n CHAI Today - Adar 5775

In ReviewAny family announcements, upcoming events or personal wishes you would like to include in our next issue? E-mail us at [email protected]

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n Mazal Tov to Barak and Inge Levy on the Bat Mitzvah of Alexe.

n Mazal Tov to family Nachum and Germaine Atzmon on the Bar Mitzvah of Jonathan.

n Mazal Tov to families Rappaport - Vinikas on the Bar Mitzvah of Milo.

n Mazal Tov to family Philippe and Karen Weber-man on the Bar Mitzvah of Gregg.

n Our deepest condolences to Mr. Bernard Glass on the passing of his dear mother.

n Our deepest condolences to Family Harroy on the passing of their dear father.

n Our deepest condolences to Mr. Miodovnik and Mrs. Maneles on the passing of their dear father.

n Our deepest condolences to Mr. Jean Katz on the passing of his dear father.

n Our deepest condolences to Mr. J. Spijer on the passing of his dear mother.

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Why are religious Jews scared of dogs? Whenever I walk mine past an observant family, all the kids hide behind their mother’s skirt in terror. Is there some curse on dogs?

Answer:I know exactly how your dog feels. I often get a similar reaction from Jews. While many observant Jews are scared of dogs, many unobservant Jews are terrified of rabbis. There’s something in common between dogs and rabbis that make us both objects of trepidation. And it’s not the facial hair.People fear the unfamiliar.

Most religious homes do not have pets. Perhaps because families with many kids are less likely to seek non-human companionship, perhaps because it can be tricky to care for animals on Shabbat, or perhaps it’s just a cultural thing, but other than the odd goldfish, pets are rare in observant communities.

So those who are unaccustomed to canine company are often scared of dogs. People are scared of rabbis for the same reason. Both dogs and rabbis are loved by those who know them, and instill fear into those who don’t.

But that’s where the similarity ends. The underlying causes of these two fears are very different, almost opposite.

The fear of dogs (cynophobia) comes from the fear of being bitten. Fear of rabbis

(rabbinophobia) comes from the fear of being inspired.

What many Jews fear the most is that if they learn a little bit about Judaism they might like it. And if they like it they might want more. And if they want more they may have to live more Jewishly. This means change - and change, even for the better, is scary.

The cure for cynophobia is to play with a few dogs and see that

there is no basis for your fear. But the cure for rabbinophobia is to look

into Judaism and to actually let your greatest fear come true - you will like it, and

you’ll want more. n


Purim Begins in Iraq/IranThe original Purim story happened over 2,350 years ago, after the destruction of the First Holy Temple in Jerusalem. The Jews had been exiled to Babylon and then dispersed throughout the land of Persia, today’s Iraq and Iran. Impressed by alien kings and lifestyles, palaces and parties, the Jews had no vision of their own destiny and future. Many Jews had lost faith in the Divine prophecies that predicted their eventual Redemption and return to Israel.

Purim’s main characters: HamanThe vicious Persian Prime Minister Haman schemed to annihilate every Jewish man, woman and child. A shrewd and devious manipulator, Haman received the approval of King Achashverosh for his wicked plan.

Mordechai and Esther Haman had almost executed his horrible agenda, if not for the intervention of Queen Esther, the heroine, and Mordechai, the righteous Jewish leader.

Sensing the danger, Mordechai rallied his fellow Jews to repent and return to G-d through Torah and Mitzvot.

By Divine Providence, Mordechai’s niece, Esther, was chosen to become the new Persian Queen. Mordechai urged her to go plead with the King to save her people.

Before approaching the King, Queen Esther proclaimed a fast, prayer and penitence, and then went to the palace and invited the king to a party.

That night, as the restless King Achashverosh was reading his memoirs,

the pages turned to a long-forgotten episode, when Mordechai had saved the king’s life from a plot by his courtiers to poison him.

The King immediately ordered Haman to publicly honor Mordechai by dressing him with the royal garments and parading him on the Royal horse through the Capital.

Later, at their party, Queen Esther pointed to Haman as the arch villain, and Haman was hanged on the same gallows he had prepared for Mordechai.

VictoryThe Purim story is a tribute to the courage of Queen Esther, Mordechai and all the Jewish people. Throughout the whole year of Haman’s anti-Jewish decree, not a single Jew chose to leave his people by converting out, even if that could have saved his life.

The fortunate turn of events aroused the Jews to return to their heritage and unite with their traditions, faith and observance. They rallied against their enemies on the 13th day of the month of Adar, the very day chosen by Haman to execute his “final solution.” The Jews eventually returned to the Holy Land where they rebuilt the Second Temple in Jerusalem.

The Purim story concludes on the happy note that “the Jews enjoyed light and gladness, joy and exultation,” so shall it be to us. May we, too, soon see the ultimate Redemption, speedily in our days. n


The fast of EstherTo commemorate the day of prayer and fasting which the Jews held before their victory, we fast on Wednesday, March 4th, from approximately 2 hours before sunrise until 40 minutes after sunset.

Half a shekelIt is traditional to give 3 half coins to charity to commemorate the half-shekel given by each Jew in the time of the Holy Temple. This mitzvah is usually performed on the day before Purim, the fast of Esther.

Other Purim Observances:

The 4 “M”itzvot of PurIM

Mishteh V’simchaThe Purim Meal

Purim is celebrated with a festive and joyous meal during the daytime. Traditional foods include soup with

‘kreplach’ (dumpling) and triangular-shaped cookies called hamantashen. The “hidden” fillings in both foods remind us that G-d’s involvement in the Purim episode,

although ever present, was hidden and not openly revealed. (In fact the name of G-d is not

mentioned once in Megillat Esther!)

Matanot La-evyonim

Gifts for the PoorGiving charity, while a year round responsibility, is a particularly special mitzvah on Purim. Give

charity to at least two, but preferably more, needy individuals on Purim day (better then the night before),

ideally by giving directly to the person. If this is not possible, place at least several coins into pushkas (charity boxes). Young children should fulfill this

mitzvah as well.

Mikrah MegillahListen to the Megillah

Megillat Esther (the scroll of Esther) recounts the story of Haman’s plot to destroy the Jewish people and how it was miraculously foiled. We listen to the reading

of the Megillah twice during the holiday. The first time is on Wednesday evening, Mach 4th, and again

on the following day Thursday, March 5th. When Haman’s name is mentioned, we twirl graggers - noisemakers, and stamp our feet to “drown out”

his evil name.

Mishloach Manot

Send gifts of FoodPurim emphasizes the importance of Jewish unity and friendship. Packages containing at least two

different kinds of food (e.g. hamantashen and fruit) are sent to at least one friend. If possible these gifts, called Mishloach Manot should be sent by a third

person. It is customary to observe this mitzvah on the day of Purim, rather than the night

before.


have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses not to eat meat out of concern for animal welfare. And there have been some who have suggested that this is in keeping with Juda-ism’s ideals (although all agree that Judaism allows eating meat).

But there is another way of looking at it, a more spiritual angle, that indicates that eating meat is not just an accommodation to human desire, but has a holy purpose.

The Talmud teaches that the reason Adam and Eve were created af-ter all other creatures was to teach them a dual lesson: humans can be either the pinnacle of creation, or its lowest life-form. If they act appropriately, then everything was created just to serve them; but if they debase themselves, then they should remember that “even a flea preceded you.”

The human being is the only creature with free choice. This means we can either work on ourselves and become better than our nature, or abuse our gifts and become worse. Only a human can be gener-ous, kind, selfless and act higher than his or her instincts; and only a human can be cruel, destructive and murderous. (Although some-times animals do what seem like acts of kindness or destruction, they are invariably just following their instinct for survival - there is no altruism or malice in their actions.)

When we use our freedom to act in a kind, holy and selfless way, we are the highest life form, and the rest of creation is there to serve us. Then, by eating other creatures we are in fact elevating them to places where they couldn’t go by themselves.

For example, if I eat a tomato, and then expend the energy that to-mato gave me in performing an act of kindness, the tomato has be-come a partner in my action, thus making the world a better place - something a tomato can’t do on its own.

On the other hand, if I use my energy only to further selfish goals, or to oppress or inflict harm, then what right do I have to eat a tomato? The tomato never hurt anybody, and by eating it and causing harm I am corrupting an innocent tomato!

This is why Judaism doesn’t see eating animals as necessarily be-ing cruel. In fact, it could even be cruel not to eat animals, because you are robbing them of a chance to serve a higher purpose (unless of course it is for health reasons). However if you yourself are not living a life of purpose, then it is just as cruel to eat a tomato as a chicken!

If the physical world is your only reality, then you have reason to feel guilty when you consume other life forms. But when you see the spiritual world just as real (if not more), then even eating can become holy. n

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he desire for appreciation seems to be one of our strongest human impulses. We instinctively crave being noticed and valued. School teachers are overwhelmed with joy when former students call to say, “I gave you a rough

time back in 7th grade and you rode me real hard, but now I see it was worth it. I succeeded because of you!”

What says Torah of this matter?

Would you assist someone even if it meant forfeiting your own achievement? Should you help someone even if they will never thank you or even recognize your beneficence? What if they will resent your help, think pulling the bottle away from a drunk? That question is easy. Ethics of Our Fathers in Chapter 1 instructs: “Do not be a servant who serves his master for the sake of reward [be that a material or a social/emotional reward].”

There’s a tougher question: Would you assist someone else even if it will mean forfeiting your own achievement? Would you use your study time to tutor a weaker student and diminish your own grade even if the other student won’t appreciate it? Here’s a much harder one: Would you help someone else if you weren’t even sure that G-d would appreciate it?

Queen Esther, the heroine of the story of Purim, is instructed by Mordechai to approach King Ahasuerus to plead on behalf of her people. Esther resists and explains that no one, not even she, may approach the King (not much of a marriage there!).

Mordechai insists, and Esther acquiesces, declaring: “If I am lost, I am lost” (Esther 4:16).

The Talmud explains Esther’s apparently redundant expression as her willingness to expose herself to two distinct risks:

On the human plane, approaching the tyrant put her in mortal peril. The earlier story of Queen Vashti’s breech of protocol that resulted in her execution illustrates Ahasuerus’ method of dealing with a disobedient wife.

Yet death isn’t the worst that could happen. After all, Esther is a prisoner to a barbarian, not much of a life to be sure. What really scared her was that Ahasuerus would be happy to see her and welcome her into his chamber. Now Esther would be compromised.

Until this point she had maintained her spiritual virtue, clinging to the reality that she was a victim, not a willing participant in this so-called “marriage.” This time, though, she would be initiating her interaction with Ahasuerus, approaching willingly, thus forfeiting her innocence, and along with that, possibly, G-d’s approval and appreciation.

Despite the danger, she went, and the rest is history. Ahasuerus allowed her in and acquiesced to her plea, and ultimately the genocide of our entire people was prevented.

Perhaps this was the genuine heroism: Esther’s readiness to rescue her people even if it meant surrendering Divine acknowledgement.

If the fate of an entire people; or even just one person, is at risk, we must be ready to surrender not only our material comforts to rescue him; we must be ready to give up our spiritual rewards as well.

Now before you go running out to save the world at the risk of G-d’s disapproval, make sure you consult with someone like Mordechai: a wholly righteous person, a member of the Sanhedrin, and a leader of the Jewish people. Like a radical medical procedure, such actions should be undertaken only under the guidance of experts. And of course the rescue of an entire people colors the equation as well. The point here is limited to understanding how the anticipation of appreciation should or shouldn’t influence our decision making.

So should we be appreciative? Of course. Should we expect to be appreciated? Yes, again. Should we orchestrate our behavior to receive appreciation? No! That appreciation thing can be addictive. A warm thank-you can be so rewarding, and we are so desirous of it, that if we are not careful, we start seeking it out as an end in and of itself. We replace “Is this the right thing to do?” with “Will this get me a pat on the back?” and when the one showing the appreciation is less than upright, we are heading into a world of hurt.

So the next time you find yourself faced with the opportunity to do someone a favor and that little voice says, “He doesn’t even appreciate what I do for him,” don’t listen and do it anyway. And if another voice whispers, “One day he’ll thank you,” don’t listen and do it anyway. n


T

ocrates, the great Greek philosopher, once said to a disciple, “My advice to you is to

get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”Indeed today, we have many philosophers. In our time, there has been an unprecedented rise in broken relationships. In the United States, it is estimated that one out of two marriages end in divorce. Single-parent families have doubled in the past 20 years. Only one child in two will have parents who were married when he or she was born and who will have stayed together till the child grows up. A lecturer told me that for years she had gone into schools to teach children about religious faith and about “G-d our Father.” She can’t do so any more because so many of the children do not understand the word. Not the word “G-d” but the word “father.”

Like a meteorite entering earth’s gravitational field, marriage and the family are disintegrating.

The worst thing we could do now would be to get into a debate about who is to blame: the individual or society, affluence or secularization. What we need is imagination, not recrimination; optimism, not pessimism. It is here that the Jewish mystical tradition has something beautiful and vital to say.

In the very opening chapter of the Hebrew Bible, where the story of Creation unfolds, the mystics pose a fascinating question: How, if G-d exists, can the universe simultaneously exist? G-d is infinite, G-d is everywhere. Therefore, in any given place, there is both finite and infinite being. But surely infinity crowds out anything finite. There is simply no space for physical matter if every place is filled with the infinite presence of G-d. How then is there a universe?

The mystics’ answer is compelling. In order to make space for the universe, G-d, as

it were, initiated a process called “tzimtzum,”

self-

contraction or withdrawal, creating a spherical vacuum - the space needed for the world to exist. By withdrawing His endless light, an autonomous, independent world, distinct from G-d, can emerge. The conclusion? The universe is the space G-d creates for mankind through an act of withdrawal. No single act more profoundly indicates the love and generosity implicit in Creation.

In a dazzling parallel, the same applies in human relationships. In the beginning of life, there is no otherness. A newborn infant does not distinguish between itself and the rest of the universe. It knows and cares only about its own needs. When it cries it is saying: “I want Mommy, I want to be fed, I want to be held, I want to be played with, and if you don’t do everything I want, immediately, I will ruin your life.” There is no room for the other. As children develop and mature, they begin to find the other as a separate entity. They begin to have relationships; they begin to care for the other. That process is essential to healthy development.

As adults we know that in order to truly love, you need to withdraw yourself from your “center” (ego) and create room for another person in your life. A relationship is not about control. When one partner dominates the other, demanding of him or

her to conform and suppress his/her personality, the possibility of a relationship is snuffed out. Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it. Love, like the act of creation, is the courageous act of creating space for the presence of the other. When man moves away from himself, reaching into the heart and soul of another human being, he emulates G-d, who chooses to suspend Himself in order to give room to the other.

A young man and woman went on a date. For two solid hours, he spoke about himself, his accomplishments, successes and ideas. And then he turned to her and said: “Enough of me talking about myself, now what do you think of me?”

There are two simple English words which illustrate this mystical notion of tzimtzum, contraction. The words “soil” and “soul” differ by just one letter. Yet they represent two polar opposites: the material and the spiritual. The word “soil” represents the material. The word “soul” represents the spiritual. The difference in spelling is the “I” vs. the “U.” When a person thinks only about “I,” he is self-centered, and can’t

S

By moving himself out of the way, he makes room for another person in his life.


make sufficient space to nurture another. But when he thinks about “U”, by moving himself out of the way, he makes room for another person in his life. He is ready to live deeper and love deeper.

This idea of tzimtzum finds expression in a beautiful part of the Jewish wedding ceremony known as the “bedeken,” the veiling. Before the chupa, when the bride and groom meet together under the wedding canopy, the groom is escorted to the room where his bride is waiting and he covers her face with a veil. Tradition tells us that this custom commemorates the events as they occurred during Jacob’s wedding ceremony. The Torah relates that Jacob traveled to the house of Laban. Upon arriving, he meets Laban’s younger daughter Rachel and falls in love with her. Laban proposes a deal: work for me for seven years and I will give her to you in marriage. Jacob does so, but on the wedding night, Laban substitutes Leah for Rachel. Since the bride was veiled, he did not realize that he was marrying the wrong woman and Jacob discovered the deception only after it was too late. Ultimately, Jacob accepted his fate and remained with Leah. But he later also married Rachel, the bride of his choice.

The question that arises is, if the veiling reminds us of Jacob and Leah, shouldn’t the custom be that the groom uncovers his bride’s face to make sure that he is marrying the bride of his choice?

The answer is moving and profound.Leah and Rachel, quote the Jewish mystics, are not merely two sisters living in Mesopotamia at the early phase of the Bronze Age. They also symbolize two dimensions of every human personality. Each of us possesses an inner “Rachel” as well as an inner “Leah.”

Rachel, the beautiful woman, symbolizes the attractive,

charming and beautiful characteristics existing in our spouses and in ourselves. The name Rachel in Hebrew means ‘ewe’, known for its bright white color and its serene and lovable nature.

Leah, a name that literally means weariness or exhaustion, represents those elements in us and in our spouses that are more challenging. Leah, the “weak-eyed” sister was easily moved to tears. She was emotionally vulnerable. Weakened from tears and anxiety, Leah represents our struggle with insecurities and psychological and spiritual tension.

Few people can be defined as “Rachel” or “Leah” exclusively. Most of us possess both components. We are a mix of serenity and tension. We have compassionate instincts but we must struggle against selfish ones as well. We have light but we also must deal with shadow; we enjoy structure but also profound moments of chaos. Both are genuine parts of our multi-dimensional personalities. Rachel is the light; Leah is the struggle against the dark.

Hence, the drama that occurred at the wedding of Jacob, the patriarch of the Jewish nation, occurs at every wedding. Before you get married, you think that you are marrying Rachel – the beautiful, smart, kind, sensitive, and fun-loving spouse of your dreams. In reality, you are bound to discover that you ended up with Leah, a person also struggling with unresolved tension.Naturally, you love Rachel, and you reject Leah. Yet as life progresses you will come to discover that it is precisely the Leah dimension of your spouse that challenges you to transcend your ego and become the person you are capable of becoming because it is the very shortcomings and imperfections of your spouse that allow you to grow into something larger than yourself.This, then, is the secret behind the veiling of the bride. When the groom veils his bride, he is saying, “I will love, cherish and respect not only the “you” which is revealed to me, but also those elements of your personality that are hidden from me. As I am bound with you in marriage, I am committed to creating a tzimtzum, a space within me for the totality of your being - for all of you, for all time.” n

Rachel is the light; Leah is the struggle against the dark.


e are all jealous. It is impossible not to be. As long as we are human, we see what others have and wish we could have it too. But that isn’t always bad. There are

three types of jealousy: wicked jealousy, dangerous jealousy and good jealousy.

If you want your friend’s dress and you don’t want her to have it, that is wicked. Why should it bother you that your friend owns something nice? Even if you want the same thing, you should be happy for her that she has it. To want it, and that she not have it, is plain mean.

So, let’s say you don’t mind that she has her dress, just that you want one too. Is that okay? Well, it’s not wicked, but be careful. When you focus too much on what others have, it leads to being unhappy with what you have. Instead of being satisfied with all the good G-d has given you, you always want more. This has no

end. Eventually, you’ll have bad feelings toward your friends when you can’t have it all. So this type of jealousy is not wicked, but it is dangerous.

But then there is a jealousy that is good. That is being jealous of someone else’s good deeds or fine character. When you see a friend who is kind, generous, forgiving, disciplined or trustwor-thy, and you say, “I wish I were like that,” this is good jealousy. In fact, this is why we have jealousy in our nature. It can make us want to be a better person.

The Talmud teaches, “The world cannot exist without jealousy.” Without it, we would have no drive to become anything. It just depends on how you use it. Be jealous, but for the right things. Your friend’s dress will one day go out of fashion. Goodness never will. n

W


Is It Immoral to Be Overweight?By Aron Moss

As a fitness trainer, I wonder: do health and fitness have a place in Judaism? It seems that the secular world encourages a healthy life far more than the Jewish world does. I hear rabbis talk about spiritual matters, but find it hard to listen to them if they themselves are overweight. Is physical wellbeing not important?

Answer:In our modern world, we are seeing health as the new morality. Good and bad are now measured in calories. My cereal box invites me to “taste the goodness”—not a moral value, but rather a nutritional one. The scales of merit are not found in heaven anymore, but are right there on the bathroom floor, and the daily judgment is pronounced in kilos and pounds.

This all makes sense if you see the human being as just a body without a soul. If the flesh is all there is, health becomes the highest ideal. But from the Jewish perspective, the soul is our true self, and the body its vehicle. The body and its health are important only because through them we express our higher self. More so, while our body houses our soul, it is a gift from our Creator to use while we are in this world. As it is on loan to us and therefore does not truly belong to us, we must always treat it with respect.

The great Jewish thinker, Maimonides, wrote in the 12th century:

“Caring for the health and wellbeing of the body is one of the ways of serving G-d.”

And he immediately explains why:

“One is unable to think clearly and comprehend

truth if he is unwell.”

If your mind is cloudy, you may lack moral clarity to know what’s right. While battling with illness, we may not find the stamina to battle the ills of the world. That’s why we need to look after our bodies. A healthy body is not in itself our life’s purpose; it helps us fulfill our purpose. It is a vehicle that transports us towards goodness, but it is not the destination.

Jewish tradition provides no excuse for being unhealthy. On the contrary, it gives the best reason possible to live healthy: life has meaning and purpose, and each day is precious. Only if life has meaning is it worth taking care of. The risks of high cholesterol, heavy smoking and drug use are a concern only to one who values life. The threat of a shorter lifespan means nothing to someone who sees life as pointless.

We are the healthiest generation in recent history, and our life expectancy is reaching biblical proportions. This means we have more time and energy to fulfill our purpose—to elevate our corner of the world, and tip the scales towards true goodness. n


“Jewish tradition provides no excuse for being unhealthy”

I’m a Failure!By Aron MossMy career seems to be at a dead end. For years I’ve been training as an actor and struggling to get my first break, but every time I come close to a significant role something goes wrong and I miss out. I have tried every avenue I can think of, including changing agents, but it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I am professional, hard-working, dedicated and I believe I have talent (this has been confirmed to me by others too). But I am starting to think I simply wasn’t meant to be an actor. Should I just come to terms with being a failure?

Answer:My friend, there is only one thing you need to come to terms with. You are not an actor. You may be good at acting, but that is not who you are--it’s what you do. Stop identifying yourself by your career. You need to discover an identity that is beyond your work. That way, success and failure in your career will not spell success or failure in your life.

In our world of inverted values, a man is called successful because he has made a lot of money. He

may have abandoned his third wife, be estranged from his children, have no friends and his dog ran away from him. But he’s done well at his “career,” and people say, “I wish I had his luck.”

We achieve true success when we succeed in our relationships. If you are a caring friend in times of need, if you treat your parents well, if you are a supportive and understanding spouse, a devoted and caring parent, then you are a success. Those who contribute to the community, not just money but time and effort, those who have developed happy relationships with G-d and man, they are real success stories.

As long as we identify ourselves with our profession - I am an actor, a sales person, an IT technician - then we are pinning our success as a person on our career success. But it’s not true. We are not defined by our job. What we do to make a living is different to what we do to make a life. We work to make a living. But to make a life we must love, connect, serve a purpose and find meaning.

This is the gift of Shabbat. One day a week we step out of our workday roles and return to our true self. We are not staff members of a company of but

rather members of a community; we are not employers or employees but rather brothers and sisters, children, parents and friends. We are not working for a boss to do our job, but rather working for The Boss to fulfill our mission.

You may be great at doing your job. Or maybe not. But it’s more important to be good at being human. When it comes to being human, also a failed businessman can be the greatest success story, and a struggling actor can be a star. n


here is an ongoing discussion on alcohol related violence, which has recently become more and more of a problem. One suggestion is to raise the legal age of drinking. The other strategy is to increase mandatory sentencing for violence

that is a consequence of being intoxicated.

While these measures might have a minimal effect (highly questionable), it appears that perhaps we are missing the point completely. The discussions focus heavily on symptoms, but fail to explore the cause of why we are experiencing an epidemic of irresponsible alcohol consumption resulting in anti-social behavior.

In a leading university in the United States, an experiment that was done with little children of about 4 or 5 years old. They were each given a marshmallow and told that if they wanted they could eat it immediately. However if they would not eat it now but wait 15 minutes, they

would get two marshmallows. Some of the children could not withstand the temptation, while others managed. The children were then monitored and observed through adolescence into adulthood. It became very clear that those who had self-control in their childhood became much more effective and successful adults.

We all like to engage in experiences that bring us pleasure. But a life that is built solely on pursuit of pleasure is one that is empty and meaningless. Pleasure is a transient ‘feel good’ moment that dissipates and leaves us with cravings bigger than before. If those desires are not controlled, they evolve into a lifestyle of greed, temptation and indulgence, an insatiable and unquenchable need for more and more without ever being satisfied. Today, with advances in technology and availability of resources, the pursuit of pleasure and the need for instant gratification has escalated to completely new levels.

The first step towards a life of meaning and responsible choices is the ability to exercise self-discipline and delayed gratification. Restraint puts the burning desires and raging greed on hold, creating space, allowing us to think and evaluate calmly and objectively, paving the way for healthy, meaningful and responsible choices.

However, as evident from the study, many of us are not born with a natural ability for self-control and discipline - it needs to be taught and instilled at a young age. Educating our youth to exercise restraint and make responsible choices cannot begin in senior high school. It must begin when they still very young.

If when a child is six years old he/she simply cannot wait five minutes or a few hours for a chocolate and must have every new toy on the market, then how can we expect them to resist the temptation of alcohol when they are sixteen? But if we teach them self-control when they are little, they stand a chance creating that ‘pause’ when they are older to reflect on the value of their choices.

It is not the drinking age that is a problem. It is the age of chocolates, lollies and toys where it all begins. n

T



Nothing NewAt the time of the birth of Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, the Baal Shem Tov remarked that “a great and holy soul has been born into this world who will be an eloquent advocate for the Jewish people.” Rabbi Levi Yitzchak loved every Jew, no matter their religious observance. Throughout his life, he frequently prayed to G-d to bless a childless couple, to provide a livelihood for a poverty stricken family or to annul an evil decree. Thousands came to hear his Torah explanations and to seek his blessings or advice.

One member, a rather wealthy man, took the floor when the community members of Berditchev came to invite Rabbi Levi Yitzchak to assume the position of rav, head rabbi, the saintly man had one request. “Please do not trouble me with communal meetings,” he said. “However, if the meeting is about enacting a new ordinance, I would like to be involved.”

The agreement was made and much joy and celebration pervaded the city of Berdichev. It was no small matter to have the illustrious tzaddik, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak, accept the post of rav in their city.

Some time after the sage had donned the mantle of leadership, the community members appeared at the rabbi’s door. “At tonight’s meeting we would like to ordain a new regulation,” they declared. Naturally, the rabbi agreed to attend the gathering.

In the elegant reception room where the members had gathered, the serious mood was laced with joy for the rabbi was present.

Then the formalities began. One member, a rather wealthy man, took the floor. “All of us here,” he began, “are involved in important issues, each in our own way.” His eyes scanned the faces around him, all wearing looks of obvious agreement.

“However,” he continued. “The constant knocking on our doors by the numerous paupers that populate our town disturbs our peace and interrupts our busy schedules. Therefore, we would like to initiate a new ruling. From this time forth, it will be forbidden for a poor man to knock on doors. Certainly, we will keep in mind the needs of these unfortunate souls. We will not forsake them. But to make it more convenient for us, we will distribute to the paupers a sum of money each month which we will take from the community treasury.”

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak suddenly rose from his chair, gathered his hat and jacket and began to leave. The others exchanged surprised looks with one another. “Is the Rabbi leaving?” they politely inquired.

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak nodded.

“But… but the meeting has hardly begun,” they protested.

Stunned silence reigned in the parlor. Silently, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak studied the expectant faces. “My brothers!” he said in a respectful tone of voice. “Did we not agree that I was not to be burdened with discussions of old policies?”

“Yes, yes, so we agreed,” they cried out in unison. “But this is not old. What we’re suggesting is a completely novel approach. By all means, this is a new regulation!”

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak sadly shook his head from side to side. “But this is nothing new,” he said. “What you’re proposing is an ancient law. As a matter of fact, this policy dates back thousands of years to the time of Sodom and Gomorra. They too instituted such laws. Forbidding people to distribute charity to itinerant beggars…” the rabbi sighed. “My brothers, no, there’s nothing new about that…”

Stunned silence reigned in the parlor. Needless to say, the proposal was cancelled. The wealthy men internalized the lesson well. The poor men who knocked at their doors from then on were welcomed with genuine respect and kindness. n

My brothers!” he said in a respectful tone of voice. “Did we not agree that I was not to be burdened with discussions of old policies?”

Count Down to CharityBy Yossy GordonA charity collector once visited a wealthy man in the hopes of receiving a donation. The wealthy fellow politely explained how he would love to give but can’t, because he already gave his share of charity for the year. As evidence, he pointed to a pile of receipts on his desk.

The collector looked around the room, noticing his beauti-ful surroundings in the wealthy man’s home. Respectfully, he asked his host whether he could share a Torah insight. The

wealthy man agreed.

“During the time of our Holy Temple in Jerusalem,” began the collector, “a Jewish livestock owner was ob-ligated to tithe his flock. How was this done? He would pen the cattle in an enclosure and open up the door. As each animal exited the enclosure

he would count: one, two, three, etc. When he counted the tenth, he would

mark the animal with red dye. That animal would then be set aside to be brought to Jerusalem.

“A question,” continued the collector, “is asked regarding this prescribed process. Why make the rancher endure this whole process of penning the animals and then driving them out the exit? Why not just take ten percent off the top, add a few extra to ensure that no less than the required ten percent was tithed, and avoid this seemingly time-consuming and senseless exer-cise?

“The answer,” concluded the collector, “is that a very profound message is being conveyed to the rancher by virtue of this pro-cess. As each animal goes out the door, it is as if the Almighty is telling the person, ‘One is for you, two is for you, three is for you . . .’ After giving the owner nine, the Almighty then asks for only one. After getting to keep nine, the rancher is content, and realizes how all of his wealth comes from G-d and that though he is giving, he is getting much more.”

The point hit home. The wealthy man recognized his many blessings and happily gave a generous donation. n

The Mystery of the Troubled Wool MerchantFrom the Chassidic MastersIt was with heavy hearts that a group of senior chassidim assembled in the home of their master, Rabbi Zvi Elimelech of Dinov (1783–1841; known as the “Bnei Yissaschar” after his work by that title). Their rebbe had fallen ill, and it was understood that his moments were numbered. They joined his children and grandchildren to be with him in his closing hours of physical life, and perhaps hear some final instruction from their mentor and guide.

The rebbe’s eyes were closed, and a medley of trepidation and ecstasy played upon his holy face. Our master is spending his last minutes in communion with his Maker, they all thought; how selfish of us to assume that he would have something to say to us at this time!

Suddenly, the rebbe’s eyes opened and began to search the small crowd. Finally his glance rested on one man, who was standing to one side. The chassidim made way for this man, and gently propelled him toward the rebbe’s bedside.

“Reb Shmuel,” the chassidim heard the rebbe inquire, “what is it that you wanted to ask?”

“Rebbe,” said the man, whom no one recalled ever having seen before, “the wool that I purchased . . . what shall I do?”

“Don’t worry, Reb Shmuel,” said Rabbi Tzvi Elimelech. “Wait until next winter. The price will rise, and you will make a handsome profit.”

The rebbe’s eyes closed. Soon after, his soul departed to its supernal abode.

In the days that followed, the chassidim hotly debated the

significance of their rebbe’s final words. The mysterious “wool merchant” had disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared; certainly, he was one of the thirty-six “hidden tzaddikim,” or perhaps Elijah the Prophet? Various theories were offered on the Kabbalistic meanings of “wool,” “summer” and “handsome profit.”

Word of these deliberations reached the ears of Rabbi Tzvi Elimelech’s son, Rabbi Dovid. “You are mistaken,” he said. “There is no mystery here, no hidden meaning, only a profound expression of my saintly father’s love for every Jew.

“Reb Shmuel is a simple merchant, who would often come to seek Father’s counsel and blessings regarding his business affairs. Recently he had bought a large quantity of wool, after which its price had dropped sharply; the poor man faced the loss of all his assets, as well as huge debts for the sums he had borrowed to make the purchase. He rushed to Dinov to seek my father’s advice. Upon his arrival, he followed the crowd into Father’s room, unaware of why we had assembled. Father, sensing the presence of a Jew in need, considered it his highest priority to assure him that all would be well.” n


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