SELF-ESTEEM

What is Self Esteem? How you feel about yourself Includes your opinions, thoughts, beliefs and images you have about

yourself

These messages are sent to yourself from your own self and many exist at the subconscious level

The term self-esteem comes from a Greek word meaning "reverence for self." The "self" part of self-esteem pertains to the

values, beliefs and

attitudes that we hold about ourselves.

The "esteem" part of self-esteem describes the value and worth that one gives oneself. Simplistically self-esteem is the acceptance of ourselves for who and what we are at any given time in our lives.

Self esteem means loving and feeling good about yourself unconditionally. The meaning of high self esteem is critical in your life.

Self esteem is that feeling at the center of your being of

self-worth, self-confidence, and self-respect.

High self esteem means that you feel good about yourself.Having high Self esteem is crucial to experiencing love and success in life.When your self esteem is high, you have a sense of self-worth; you value yourself as a person.

Unfortunately many of us have a hard time experiencing high self esteem.

Family’s Role

The amount of self esteem you have depends a lot on how you were treated as a child. If you received sufficient praise and encouragement from your family in your younger years, you are very apt to have high levels of self esteem.

For instance, a child who grew up with all the right kind of support would have a lot of self esteem, which may however be shattered if his or her parents underwent a divorce or separation.

A child who was chubby in childhood may have been seen as cute by his or her immediate family, and thus received a lot of positive strokes. However, this chubbiness would become a matter of embarrassment and shame in adulthood, leading to reduced self esteem. Constant criticism in early childhood can also lead to low self esteem levels.

Low self esteem is curable, but the healing is an uphill task.

Characteristics Of High Self Esteem PeoplePeople who struggle with their self-esteem are often advised to seek out people who are successful, confident and have high self-esteem. Of course it’s not as simple to just watch someone who is outwardly comfortable and hope that will rub off and improve your own self-esteem. It won’t. If you’re going to improve your self-esteem you need to be committed to making some changes and also putting in some practice. However, it is useful to spend some time with people you know with high self-esteem and observe some of the specific characteristic that are common with people who are confident and ‘comfortable in their own skin’. Listed below are 7 common traits.

1. Belief in themselves: People who have high self-esteem have confidence in their own abilities. This isn’t a case of false self-confidence. They recognise what they’re good at, are confident that they are able to improve where necessary and unlike people with low self-esteem, believe that they deserve to do better. The effect of this is that they are often ambitious in

their chosen field and do well in their careers as they consistently strive for improvement and personal success. They don’t waste time indulging in negative self-talk.

2. Know what they want or need: People with high self-esteem generally have clear ideas about what they want or need and are able to communicate these needs and wants to others.

3. Effective communication skills: It’s common for people with high self-esteem to be good communicators. This includes having good listening skills which leave them open to taking advice, being open to change and new ideas.

4. Drive to succeed: Not surprisingly people with high self-esteem have the drive to succeed. Some people withlow self-esteem have similar drive, but the difference is that people with high self-esteem are generally more flexible and find it easier to overcome challenges and disappointments along the way. They don’t worry about failure and even when they do fail, they have the inner resources to learn from the failure and then move on.

5. Comfortable with change: Because people with high self-esteem are comfortable with change, they enthusiastically seek out new opportunities and are open to embracing new ideas. They are also happy to learn new skills to support them with any new challenges.

6. Enjoy healthy relationships: With their good communication skills and their enthusiasm to succeed, people with high self-esteem generally enjoy good healthy relationships and are able to accept constructive criticism, without letting it dent their confidence. Because of their confidence they are rarely competitive with others because they are comfortable with their own abilities.

7. Goal-orientated: The almost inbred confidence that someone with high self-esteem has, means that they are very focussed on self-improvement and success and are often good at planning and setting goals in a methodical way, as well as achieving them.

If you have low self-esteem it’s easy to envy those people who exude confidence and have high self-esteem. Probably the best thing that you can learn from people who have high self-esteem is that they are comfortable with change and are prepared to have a go. That may sound overly simplistic but if you’re struggling with low self-esteem it’s only you who can make the commitment to change, reduce the negative and take a risk.

People with a high self esteem

Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.

Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others don't like their choice.

Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.

Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. They ask others for help when they need it.

Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.

Take for granted that they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom they have a friendship.

Resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.

Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when they choose.

Are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.

Are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claim no right or desire to prosper at others' expense.

Characteristics Of Low Self Esteem People

People with low self-confidence never ever live life to the fullest. They maintain a distance from others and hence deny themselves love and care from friends. Moreover, they never realize the full potential of their abilities. Worse, they always think that life has been unjust to them. These kind of people become a burden for themselves, their families and society. Some of them get so disillusioned that they become anti-social elements.

Even success frightens people with low self esteem. They feel underserved to be successful and do know how to bask in the warmth of success. Also for anything that goes wrong they think themselves to be the culprit. They even proudly tell others that they knew beforehand that things would go berserk. This is a feature very common among low esteem people and needs immediate correction.

Another characteristic of people with low self-esteem is underestimating themselves. They constantly tell themselves that they are not good and will fail in all endeavors. Over a period of time, they start believing that they deserve nothing good. Their negativity might even spread to people around them. For people who face similar problems, they should be alert against them because such people get attracted towards them. And then the negativity multiplies even faster. This results in further deterioration of their mental states and worsening of their life.

People with low self esteem are absolutely frustrated with their life. They always crib about life. They can never see a positive aspect in any issue. Their negative thinking erodes their self confidence and self belief. On the other hand, people who are confident about their abilities have high self esteem.

Also, low esteem people always keep lamenting about the past and are anxious about the future. And in the mean time lose their present too. They nether enjoy the present nor work for the future. As a result, they are never happy with either

their present, past or future. This becomes a vicious cycle and they are never able to break free from the negative thinking.

Relaxation is a concept they are unaware of. They always keep switching jobs and work profiles. This is because they feel very much uneasy at what they currently do. They create one crisis after another and blame it on destiny.

To get a sense of false relief some resort to unethical means like alcohol, sex and drugs. But this is even more harmful to them. This doesn’t give them mental peace and harmony.

People with low self esteem even have problems in the personal and family life. They are not at ease with intimacy and love and hence never allow anyone to be close to them. They don’t like to be close to them and never reveal their innermost thoughts. They keep some very bad experiences and feelings buried inside them, thereby giving rise to even more pain and despair. They keep on plunging deeper and deeper in to their negative world. The condition might go so bad that they can never be cured.

But this is not healthy for society. People with low self esteem need assistance. They should be put through a proper treatment. If needed they should be given guidance by a professional, if their near and dear ones aren’t able to do much for them.

Typically, a person with low Self-Esteem

Is extremely critical of themselves Downplays or ignores their positive qualities Judges themselves to be inferior to their peers Uses negative words to describe themselves such as stupid, fat, ugly or

unlovable Has discussions with themselves (this is called ‘self talk’) that are always

negative, critical and self blaming Assumes that luck plays a large role in all their achievements and doesn’t

take the credit for them Blames themselves when things go wrong instead of taking into account

other things over which they have no control such as the actions of other people or economic forces

Doesn’t believe a person who compliments them.

A low self-esteem can reduce the quality of a person’s life in many different ways; including:

Negative feelings – the constant self-criticism can lead to persistent feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, anger, shame or guilt.

Relationship problems – for example they may tolerate all sorts of unreasonable behaviour from partners because they believe they must earn love and friendship, cannot be loved or are not loveable. Alternatively, a person with low self-esteem may feel angry and bully other people.

Fear of trying – the person may doubt their abilities or worth and avoid challenges.

Perfectionism – a person may push themselves and become an over-achiever to ‘atone’ for what they see as their inferiority.

Fear of judgement – they may avoid activities that involve other people, like sports or social events, because they are afraid they will be negatively judged. The person feels self-conscious and stressed around others and constantly looks for ‘signs’ that people don’t like them.

Low resilience – a person with low self-esteem finds it hard to cope with a challenging life event because they already believe themselves to be ‘hopeless’.

Lack of self-care – the person may care so little that they neglect or abuse themselves, for example, drink too much alcohol.

Self-harming behaviours – low self-esteem puts the person at increased risk of self-harm, for example, eating disorder, drug abuse or suicide

Causes of low self-esteem Some of the many causes of low self-esteem

Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical

Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial

trouble Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an

abusive relationship

Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability

Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.

Self-esteem building

Self-esteem is strongly related to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life.Suggestions for building self-esteem include: Talk to yourself positively – treat yourself as you would your best friend.

Be supportive, kind and understanding. Don’t be hard on yourself when you make a mistake.

Challenge negative ‘self-talk’ – every time you criticise yourself, stop and look for objective evidence that the criticism is true. (If you feel you can’t be objective, then ask a trusted friend for their opinion.) You’ll realise that most of your negative self-talk is unfounded.

Don’t compare yourself to others – recognise that everyone is different and that every human life has value in its own right. Make an effort to accept yourself, warts and all.

Acknowledge the positive – for example, don’t brush off compliments, dismiss your achievements as ‘dumb luck’ or ignore your positive traits.

Appreciate your special qualities – remind yourself of your good points every day. Write a list and refer to it often. (If you feel you can’t think of anything good about yourself, ask a trusted friend to help you write the list.)

Forget the past – concentrate on living in the here-and-now rather than reliving old hurts and disappointments.

Tell yourself a positive message everyday – buy a set of ‘inspirational cards’ and start each day reading out a new card and carrying the card’s message with you all day.

Stop worrying – ‘worry’ is simply fretting about the future. Accept that you can’t see or change the future and try to keep your thoughts in the here-and-now.

Have fun – schedule enjoyable events and activities into every week. Exercise – it is such a good boost to the brain for all kinds of things but

especially in combatting depression and helping you to feel good. Targets need to be step by step, such as starting with a walk round the block once a day, enrolling at a local gym class or going for a swim.

Be assertive – communicate your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner.

Practise the above suggestions every day – it takes effort and vigilance to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviours with healthier versions. Give yourself time to establish the new habits. Keep a diary or journal to chart your progress.

Further ways to build Self-Esteem

Talk to a trusted friend or loved one about your self-esteem issues. Browse the Better Health Channel for further information. See your doctor for information, advice and possible referral. Read books on self-development. Take a course in personal development. Discuss your issues and get advice from a trained therapist.

Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

1. Change your negative self-talk. Everyone has a voice inside her/his mind that is continually commenting. The negative, critical, hurtful comments need to be changed. Begin listening to what you say to yourself and then talk back to your negative self-talk with the truth. Speed up the process by saying positive statements or affirmations; such as, “I like myself and am a worthwhile person, I forgive myself for not knowing/being/doing…, I deserve love, inner peace, and fulfillment.”

Make a cassette tape, in your voice, of affirmations and listen to it daily or make a list of affirmations and read out loud to yourself daily.

2. Visualize what you want to create in your life. Picture what you want to create, whether it is a new dress or feeling confident in new situations. When you combine an affirmation, with deep feeling, and with a positive mental picture you add power to what you want to create. Look for pictures in magazines that picture what you want to create and glue them into your journal.

3. Nurture yourself. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Enjoy the times when others are able to nurture you or meet your

needs; watch the tendency to set yourself up for disappointment with unreal expectations.

4. Build a support system. You deserve to have at least one person to talk to who accepts you without judging you. Consider joining a group to meet new people.

5. Take time to be alone daily. Spending quality time alone allows you to listen to your inner self. It is time to think, read, write, pray, meditate, or listen to your intuition. 6. Use your talents. Develop your interests. Take classes, find a teacher to begin. Volunteer to share your talents with others. 7. Keep a journal. Writing is a good way to get to know yourself, solve your problems, lower your stress level, and balance yourself emotionally. If you have never written before, begin by writing for 20 minutes a day. Include your thoughts, feelings, and emotional reactions to people and situations that have upset or hurt you. Eventually, insights and wisdom, that under normal circumstances are hidden from you, flow onto the paper. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. Consider using different colored inks. Writing clarifies your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, visions, values, goals, and priorities and helps you communicate better with others. Following are questions to get you started.

Where to get help Your doctor Your local community health centre Find a GP near you who specialises in mental health issues through

the beyondblue website

Things to remember Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. Everyone lacks confidence occasionally but people with low self-esteem are

unhappy or unsatisfied with themselves most of the time. It takes attention and daily practice to boost a low self-esteem.

 Importance Of Self-Esteem     It Helps:

• It translates into belief in yourself, giving you the courage to try new things.• It allows you to respect and honour yourself, even when you make

mistakes.

• When you have a good self-esteem, you will know that you’re smart enough to make your own decisions.

• When you honour yourself, you will make choices that nourish your mind and body.

Self Esteem In The Workplace

The group you work with has a level of self-esteem based on the composite self-esteem levels of the individuals in the group. We each take to the workplace (works the same in families) our level of awareness, which includes such things as our understanding of ourselves and others, our communication skills, our ability to have realistic expectations for ourselves and others, our degree of maintaining a positive attitude, and our ability to stay in present-time and not let past hurts be projected onto others. It also depends on taking responsibility for our own life, managing our feelings, our biases, and prejudices, and our ability to release and forgive immature behavior and responses in others. One of the most important things we do is model and reflect to others how we value ourselves. To positively impact your work (or home) environment take a look your own self-esteem

awareness level and see where you might make some improvements. It will improve your own life, as well as that of the workplace.

The group you work with has a level of self-esteem based on the composite self-esteem levels of the individuals in the group. We each take to the workplace (works the same in families) our level of awareness, which includes such things as our understanding of ourselves and others, our communication skills, our ability to have realistic expectations for ourselves and others, our degree of maintaining a positive attitude, and our ability to stay in present-time and not let past hurts be projected onto others. It also depends on taking responsibility for our own life, managing our feelings, our biases, and prejudices, and our ability to release and forgive immature behavior and responses in others. One of the most important things we do is model and reflect to others how we value ourselves. To positively impact your work (or home) environment take a look your own self-esteem awareness level and see where you might make some improvements. It will improve your own life, as well as that of the workplace.