A Bold, New Storyline

Engaging Men as Allies in Preventing Men’s Violence

Against Women

First, an Old, Tired Storyline:

Who’s the Real Man?

Who’s the Real Man?

Who’s the Real Man?

Who’s the Real Man?

Many Men, Many Dominant Stories of Masculinity

“REAL MEN” and the dominant story

Smart Rich No self control Brags Physically strong Takes care of his own Married Wise

Self-made Shows no emotions Surrounded by women Demands respect Takes up space Invulnerable Charitable Has power over others

Dominant and Counterstories

Dominant story of manhood: values and messages associated with a shared understanding of what it means to be a man

Counterstory: resists the values and expectations of masculinity’s dominant stories, and opens space for alternatives

Adapted from Hilde Nelson’s Damaged Identities: Narrative Repair

Examples of Dominant Stories from Maxim

Magazine Cover Headlines

Sex Express!How to spot the girl with the condom in her purse

Two Billion Women… time to get busy!

Three Extra Inches Please!Can surgery turn your toothpickinto a baseball bat?

Any Woman Anytime8 pick-up tricks than never fail (we bar-tested ‘em)

Mind Control Made Easy!22 ways to make people do whateveryou want

Filthy Stinking RichCash so quick it’s like stealing!

Mexican GladiatorsBorder town brawlers fight for cash and glory

Take Down a Terrorist!The tools and skills you need to take control now!

Other Dominant Stories

Dominant stories about the Caribbean

How do you think outsiders view people from the Caribbean?

What are some stereotypes about the Caribbean and Caribbeans?

Two Kinds of Counterstories

The unintentional counterstory: Nate

The intentional counterstory: A Men of Strength Club Member on a city bus

Positive Counterstory Messaging through Strength

Mediaworks

Positive Counterstory Messaging through Profiles in Strength Website

Feature CJ Jim, Submitted by Aleticia Tijerina. Why Aleticia would like

to honor CJ Jim: “CJ is a 15 year old football player and ceremonial dancer. He is stopped by others in school and told that he is one of the kindest boys in school. Young women tell me that CJ listens to them and rarely interrupts except to encourage them to make good decisions.”

James Shannon, Submitted by Angela Slack. “At first glance you would think James is a man’s man. He is a police officer who has re-enlisted in the Army reserves. He is very straightforward; by that I mean he can be pretty brash. The side some don't get to see is how wonderful, caring, compassionate, and supportive he is. He has supported me and the work I do (domestic violence agency) to the extreme. He has defended me to his superiors and to his buddies and fixes the toilets in our shelter and fixes cars for the women I serve. He has also been supportive of me in my emotional times of need, such as dealing with the rape I endured.”

Positive Counterstory Messaging through Information Sheets

The Strength Approach to the Counterstory

Moving away from physical strength toward…

…STRENGTH as speaking up for what’s right

…STRENGTH as speaking from the heart

…STRENGTH as a commitment to others and community

Appreciating the Positive Counterstories that Already Exist through the “Strongest Man You

Know” Exercise Who is the Strongest Man you know or

knew? What are the attributes that made him a

Strong Man? How did he show strength through his

interactions with other people?

Appreciating the Positive Counterstories that Already Exist through the “Strongest Man You

Know” ExerciseStrong men are… Considerate Caring Good fathers Able to Take care of us Good listeners Empathetic Able to Provide for us Able to Overcome hardship Generous Able to change Able to admit mistakes Able to stand up for what they believe

Rape as a Men’s Issue

Another way for men to show strength is by speaking out against rape and sexual assault.

Why is rape not just a women’s, but also a men’s issue?

Rape as a Men’s Issue

Men Rape Men are Raped Men are Confined by Rape Men Know Survivors Men Can Stop Rape

Creating Positive Counterstory Space through The Men of

Strength Club Multi-session clubs for young

men ages 13 to 22 that: provide a safe space to examine

dominant and counterstories of masculinity

highlight nonviolent models of male strength

mobilize young men as allies with women

serve as hubs for young men’s activism

Key Principles for Creating Space for Counterstories

with Men Stay Positive Put Trust and

Relationships at the Center

Meet Men Where They Are Approach Men as

Potential Allies rather than Potential Perpetrators

Things to Remember

Trust the Process It’s Okay to Wait on the

Tough Issues Acknowledge our

Struggles Celebrate our

Successes

The Action Approach to the Counterstory

Collective Action as the Counterstory

Examples of Community Strength Projects

Black History Month Film Festival Barry Farms Field Clean Up Building Community Strength Day MOST Club and Sister Action,

Sister Strength Partnership Strong Words Essay Contest

30 Days of Strength

WHAT IS 30 DAYS OF STRENGTH?

It’s a way to stand strong together as young men and women working to end sexual and dating violence. It’s a way to take action instead of standing on the sidelines.

 

Individual Action as the Counterstory

First a question: Line X is most similar in length to which line, A, B, or C?

X ________________________

A ______

B ___________

C ________________________

Action in Relation to Social Conformity and

Social Norms Solomon Asch Study

Perceived social norms shape behavior Large majority of test cases went with

social norm of group, rather than what they individually believed

Action and Visible Allies

Asch re-ran the study With one visible ally in the room, the

large majority of test cases went with what they individually believed

Need for individual men to express what they truly believe, to be the allies for other men to find strength to speak what they know is true

Barriers that Prevent Men from Becoming Allies with Women

Men socialized not to pay attention to women’s voices Men worry about being stereotyped Men sometimes see themselves as victims of sexual and

domestic violence Men who don’t perpetrate believe violence against women is

not an issue for them Men who care about violence against women feel they are the

only man who does Men are socialized not to collaborate Men of color and gay/bisexual men may feel unwelcome if

organization/agency does not also look at racism and homophobia as essential aspects of its work

Overcoming Barriers that Prevent Men from Becoming Allies with

Women What are some barriers that men in the

Caribbean face to working with women on this issue?

Why might some men be reluctant to speak out against sexual violence?

Overcoming Barriers that Prevent Men from Becoming Allies with

Women What are some ways that men across the

Caribbean can work together to end sexual violence?

What are some things youcan do in your home townto end sexual violence?

Men Can Stop Rape

Key Components of Our Work Strength Trainings and Workshops The Men of Strength Club Community Strength Projects

Club members apply what they have learned to the broader community

Strength Mediaworks My Strength Is Not for Hurting Men displaying moral agency and decision-making

Technical Assistance for Youth- Serving Professionals

“All is connected…no one thing can change

by itself.”-Paul Hawken

GROW THE COUNTERSTORY

M E N C A N S T O P R A P E PO Box 57144

Washington, DC 20037www.mencanstoprape.org

Joseph VessConsulting and Training Coordinator202.265.6530jvess@mencanstoprape.org