about power listening

8/14/2019 About Power Listening

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NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR INTERPRETATION

Brisk, erect walk Confidence

Standing with hands on hips Readiness, aggression

Sitting with legs crossed, footkicking slightly

Boredom

Sitting, legs apart Open, relaxed

Arms crossed on chest Defensiveness

Walking with hands in

pockets, shoulders hunchedDejection

Hand to cheek Evaluation, thinking

Touching, slightly rubbing

noseRejection, doubt, lying

Rubbing the eye Doubt, disbelief

Hands clasped behind backAnger, frustration,

apprehension

Locked ankles Apprehension

Head resting in hand, eyes

downcastBoredom

Rubbing hands Anticipation

Sitting with hands clasped

behind head, legs crossedConfidence, superiority

Open palm Sincerity, openness, innocence

Pinching bridge of nose, eyes

closedNegative evaluation

Tapping or drumming fingers Impatience

Steepling fingers Authoritative

Patting/fondling hairLack of self-confidence;insecurity

Tilted head Interest


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Stroking chin Trying to make a decision

Looking down, face turned

awayDisbelief

Biting nails Insecurity, nervousness

Pulling or tugging at ear Indecision

There are a variety of methods to check for active

listening.

Listening - The Neglected ArtAlmost everyone can hear, but few can really listen well. We speak atabout 125 words per minute and we are capable of hearing and

understandingat four or five times as great a speed. But few people can achieve thisgoalbecause they have not mastered the skills necessary for listening.Listening is the second part of any effective communicationinterchangeand is the part that is frequently taken for granted. One assumes thatlisteningis something that just happens. Many people fail to recognize thedifferencebetween passive listening and active listening.

STOP TAKING. It is impossible to listen if you are talking.Put the speaker at ease...relax and help the other person feel free tocommunicate.Show the speaker that you want to listen by looking and actinginterested.Concentrate! Be sure to ignore those background noises or thoughts oflunch.Keep and open mind. Dont be too quick to judge. Frequently onedecides in thefirst couple of minutes whether to listen to a speaker or not. Thespeaker with a

wandering opening, a lisp or accent, or a poor delivery often does notstand a chanceof being heard. Making these kinds of snap decisions ignores thenext question...BE PATIENT - Allow plenty of time for the speaker. Do not interrupt.


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What is the speaker saying that is valuable to me? Is there anything atall in themessage that I can use?Hold your temper - angry words and feeling can hurt and can last alifetime.Dont be prejudice when listening - when the speaker is for or againstsomeonesfavorite things, the listener frequently gets so involved with his or her

anger orenthusiasm that he or she misses the message.STOP TALKING - An open ear is worth much more than an open mouth,so listen!Active listening occurs when the listener makes a conscious effort toget as muchof the message as possible. Sometimes one falls into active listeningas when in the gripof a powerful speaker. Many times, one must listen to speakers orattend meetings thatmay be dull, lengthy, or poorly delivered. It takes a strong will to

decide in cases suchas these to get whatever is valuable out of what the person is saying.

The Art of Listening

By Terry Wildemann

Listening is an art that when done well delivers tremendous benefits. The goal of

listening well is to achieve win-win communication.

Win-win communication not only fosters understanding, affirmation, validation and

appreciation, but it also creates an atmosphere of trust, honor and respect. When someonetruly listens to you, don't you feel special?

Listening well is a two-way street, and to be effective communicators, we must all listen

well to each other. One-way listening can be equated to driving down a one-way street


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the wrong way. It's dangerous, it can get you into trouble and it can be expensive, as

illustrated in the following example.

Sam, a dispatcher for a national moving company in Philadelphia, gave Mike, a new

driver, an assignment to go to Portsmouth to make a household goods delivery.

When Mike arrived in Portsmouth, he called Sam for further instructions. As Sam gave

Mike the necessary information, Mike got a strange feeling that something wasn't quite

right.

Mike asked Sam for the complete address, which was Maple Street in Portsmouth,

Virginia. Well, Mike was in Portsmouth, but it was Portsmouth, Rhode Island. Mike was

ten hours away from where he was supposed to be. He had traveled north in the wrongdirection.

Not only did this cost the company time and money, but also the owner of the goods was

not pleased.

What caused this expensive mistake? Ineffective listening by both parties. In his haste,

Mike didn't listen to all the information that Sam gave him, and Sam neglected to getaccurate acknowledgment from Mike stating that he understood the instructions.

Focus on the Caller

Listening well is a skill that requires practice.

Someone who listens well easily establishes rapport with others.

Good listeners attract others because they focus on the speaker completely.

They have a positive energy that makes you want to be in their company.

They are effective in their jobs because, by listening and asking the appropriate

questions, they know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.

To be effective when interacting over the telephone, hone your verbal skills and focus

completely on what the speaker is saying.

Listen closely to your intuition. The best example of this is to observe how blind peoplecommunicate. Since they do not have the gift of sight, they focus on their other gifts and

develop them. Their hearing is acute, and they can people read by focusing on a person's

voice attitude and the words that the person uses.

Those of us whose work depends on the telephone should do the same.

Good Listening Skills

Agood listener, both on the telephone and in person, will:


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Always be prepared to take notes when necessary. That means having writing

tools readily available. Repeat the information he or she heard by saying, I hear you saying ... Is that

correct? If the speaker does not agree, repeat the process to ensure understanding.

Remain curious and ask questions to determine if he or she is accurately

understanding the speaker. Want to listen to the information being delivered.

Be physically and mentally present in the moment.

Listen by using the ears to hear the message, the eyes to read body language(when listening in person), the mind to visualize the person speaking (when on thetelephone), and intuition to determine what the speaker is actually saying.

Establish rapport by following the leader.

o Match the momentum, tone of voice, body language, and words used by

the speaker.

o Please use common sense when matching. If the speaker is yelling, don't

do the same because it will make a bad situation worse.

Poor Listening Skills

A poor listener, both on the telephone and in person:

May be abrupt and/or give one-word answers such as no, yes, and maybe.

Will be easily distracted.

o In person, the listener may look around the room as opposed to focusing

on the speaker's face.

o Over the telephone, the listener may be opening mail, reading e-mail,

filing, playing with hair, a pencil or a tie anything that preempts

focusing on the caller.

Constantly interrupts, making the speaker feel that what he or she has to say is not

important.

The listener finishes the other person's sentences, implying that the listener

already knows what the speaker is about to say.

Changes the subject without even realizing it.

Looks at his watch, signaling that you are wasting his time.

Remember that effective listening can open many doors. If you listen with your eyes,

your ears and your mind, you will always get the information you need.

Do you listen correctly, carefully, adequately, intelligently, unassumingly, quietly andeffectively? If you want to be a good listener you have to cultivate the habit of

effective listening.

Those who are good at communication know the importance of listening, which is

perhaps more important than even speaking.


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It is not an exaggeration to say that relationships thrive more on listening skills thanon speaking skills. A good speaker may sometimes find himself unwanted in a group,

but rarely a good listener.

The following suggestions may help you improve your listening skills:

1. To make listening a regular habit you must start from somewhere. Start from

today and for a few days from now on wards, allot at least one hour solely andwholly to listening only.

During this one hour do nothing but listen, with all your attention and concentration.

Listen to the sounds and the words as they come to you in their unadulterated state.

Listen without the intervention of any thoughts, without any disturbance in

your mind. Enjoy the purity, the beauty and the magic of the sounds.

Concentrate on one sound, or many sounds or on all sounds that come to you at a

time. Listen to them in the context of the background in which they arise.

Listen to the distant sounds that are almost inaudible but only by effort can beheard. Listen to the faintest of the sounds such as the ticking of a watch, the

movement of the wind, the rustling of the grass or your own breathing. At the end ofthis exercise listening should have become an integral part of your nature.

2. Try to replay in your mind the various sounds that you hear every day. Try to

recreate a particular piece of music or song that appeals to you. Try to recreatementally the sounds of nature.

Can you recollect the various sounds exactly? Can you recollect various soundssimultaneously? Can you play an entire orchestra mentally in your mind ? Keep

practicing till you can say, "Yes" to these questions confidently.

3. A mind that is fully relaxed, alert and free from all cares and worries is most

conducive to effective listening. If you want to allow the words of others to enteryour mind freely, you must cultivate a free and undisturbed mind and an unassuming

personality.

Pay more attention to others, their thoughts and words than to yourself and to

your own thoughts and words as you listen.

It is in our eagerness to impress and communicate our thoughts to others that we

tend to forget the true act of listening effectively. To become a good listener youmust learn to keep yourself in the background. It is through humility we can reach

out to the worlds of others.

4. Empathy and rapport are the two wires through which you can connect yourselfwith the rest of the humanity.

These qualities become natural to you, if you have genuine interest in other peopleand are willing to step aside and let others speak to you.


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Rapport comes when you learn to identify yourselves with other people and empathywhen you develop the understanding and sensitivity to feel the feelings and

experience the emotions behind the words and gestures.

5. Learn to listen intelligently, trying to understand the others' view points.

Concentrate on the ideas as well, for a better understanding of what you arelistening. If you are in an important meeting, a group conversation, or a conference,

you can jot down the main ideas briefly, but this should not interfere with your taskof listening for understanding and insight.

6. A closed mind cannot absorb new information. A mind that is prejudiced andinimical to certain ideas cannot create an effective listening attitude.

If you want to become an effective listener you must step out of your little egoisticworld and set yourself completely free. Of what use is your knowledge, if it limits and

obstructs your infinite capacity to grow and expand mentally and spiritually?

You can listen to the words of others only when you have no hidden agenda of your

own, if you do not feel threatened by others superiority or the richness of theirthoughts and ideas.

When you have nothing to prove to the world except your genuine interest andconcern for the freedom of others to express themselves, you allow yourself to

become an effective and intelligent listener with a responsive mind and willing heart.

7. Develop a rich vocabulary. The more words you know, the greater will be your

capacity to listen and understand. The bigger your vocabulary, the greater will beyour capacity to absorb and assimilate the complexity of thoughts.

8. As you listen to others show genuine interest in what they are saying. Seekinformation, ask questions and clarify your doubts. Do not be a mere passive listener.

Keep the conversation alive with your own responses here and there, but withouttrying to dominate the conversation. Look for the non verbal clues as well.

In the end, remember that listening is a very important part of our dailycommunication process. It helps us to understand the people and the world around

us. it helps us to cope with our own problems effectively. It gives us the space andtime needed in our relationships to make them stronger and last longer.

But you should also remember that you cannot live in this world only by listening.Sometimes when the occasion demands, when you truly believe that something very

important is at stake, you have to speak out your mind and make your stand veryclear.

Many problems arise in our lives because in crucial moments we hesitate to speak

and make ourselves clear. If our children, close friends or relations, or our colleaguesneed some improvement or certain correction in their behavior or attitude, they needto be told in no uncertain terms what is expected of them. But even on such

occasions one should listen carefully before speaking out ones mind.


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In the final analysis, like any others tool, listening can be used as a part of oneschoice and discretion. A good listener is always in a better position to deal with his

problems and relationships.

He is accepted every where and welcome into every conversation. He rarely involves

himself in controversies and misunderstanding. He has nothing to prove and nothingto show off to the world. He has nothing to lose but only gain the richness of his

understanding.

Therefore remember this wonderful law of communication: Listen as much aspossible, but speak only when it is a must.

Listening and Thinking:Whats Your Style?

Practitioners who determine their personal listening style can become better listeners and

thinkers. Listening styles are grouped into five categories, according to Edward Dvorak,

president of ECD Associates. Just because a person isnt talking doesnt mean she islistening. She may be preparing her response or daydreaming.

Listening is not easy. Listening effectively requires concentration and energy.

A good listener is appreciated by friends, family, and business associates. Good listeners

make good friends; the best therapists are the best listeners; so are effective managers.People love a good listener, a receptive audience. Through your listening efforts you gain

more than respect. You also gain insight into other people. You can learn about the world

and about yourself.

Edward Dvorak, president of ECD Associates was interviewed for ADVANCE regardingthe five listening styles. He categories listening styles into appreciative, empathic,

comprehensive, discerning or evaluative listeners.

Appreciative listeners generally listen for pleasure to balance their work and social lives.They look for easy listening and tend to become disenchanted if there's no amusement or

humor in what they're listening to, which may prompt them to retreat.

The empathic listener tunes into the speaker's emotions and focuses on body language,

presentation media and how people react. They find it easy to relate to a speaker'sfeelings, and they recognize what the speaker sees. These active listeners look at the

interpersonal presentation as well as what is said.

Comprehensive listeners are interested in specific thoughts and actions. They wait until

they have all the information before expressing opinions or thoughts. They like to relatemessages to their own experiences and try to determine the rationale of the speaker's

argument. They want logical presentations that progress without interruption.


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Discerning listeners determine the main message and try to identify with the speaker.

They take copious notes and work hard to concentrate on what the speaker says. They aregood listeners and like information that flows evenly.

Evaluative listeners probably make up the toughest audience in a technical environment,

Dvorak said. They listen analytically, all the while formulating arguments or challenges

to what the speaker is saying. When preparing arguments during a presentation, they maytune out the speaker and miss data. Thus, they tend to ask a lot of questions and can

become somewhat interruptive. If they receive too much illogical information, theygenerally leave.

After practitioners determine their listening style and identify which styles areappropriate for certain situations, they can begin to explore new techniques to improve

their listening and become critical thinkers.

"You need to determine the driver of your thoughts," Dvorak said. "There are certaintypes of thinking, right and left brain. The challenge is to use both sides." Those who

have the ability to think with the greatest amount of resources have developed both sides

of their brains, he said. "As a result, they will be able to create more ideas and solve a

variety of problems."

Certain techniques help to increase thinking skills, which are either lateral or vertical,

Dvorak explained. Most people working in a technical environment employ vertical

thinking. They prioritize things from the base to the solution, building one step on

another, by considering only appropriate information.

In contrast, lateral thinkers consider things that are achieved across a wide variety of

thinking to reach their goal.

The goal of the individuals will determine the type of thinking and listening they want.

Lateral thinking or brainstorming will help practitioners to create new ideas orincorporate better methods into their services. The process is made more successful by

adjusting listening style to complement a thinking method.

Edward Dvorak states that "while people may lean toward one listening style, we

generally have a combination of two or three." Listening styles are not determined bygenetic or environmental influence, but by satisfaction achieved over the years, he noted.

Regardless of individual style, the goal is to become a better listener Dvorak said, "You

have to work on it; but when you identify your listening style and skills, you open up an

awareness you never thought about before." People should consider in what situations

their listening style would be most effective and how they can improve it.

To be a good listener, you must decide to listen. Once you are clear about it, you can use

the following techniques to be a more effective listener. These ideas are especially useful

in times of high emotional tension.


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Nonverbal listening

Much of listening is nonverbal. Here are five guidelines for effective nonverbal listening.

1. Be quiet. Silence is more than staying quiet or not interrupting while someone isspeaking. Pausing for several seconds before you start to talk allows the speaker to catch

her breath or gather her thoughts. She may want to continue.

If the message is complete, this short break gives you time to form your response andhelps you avoid the biggest barrier to listeninglistening with your answer running. Ifyou make up a response before the person is finished, you miss the end of the message

which often contains the main point.

2. Maintain eye contact. Look at the other person while she speaks. It demonstrates your

attention and it helps keep your mind from wandering. Your eyes also let you "listen" tobody language and behavior. When some of us remove our glasses, we not only cant see,

we can't hear!

3. Display openness. You can communicate openness by your facial expression and body

position. Uncross your arms and legs. Sit up straight. Face the other person and removeany physical barriers, such as a pile of books.

4. Listen without response. This doesnt mean never respond. It means wait. When

listening to another person, we often interrupt with our opinions, suggestions, andinappropriate comments.

"Oh, I'm so excited. I just found out that I am nominated to be in Who's Who in American

Musicians." "Yeah, that's neat. My uncle Elmer got into Who's Who in American

Veterinarians.

Watch your nonverbal response, too. A look of "Good grief!" from you can keep the otherperson from finishing her message.

5. Send acknowledgment. Periodically, in the midst of so much nonverbal listening, it is

important to let the speaker know you are still there. Your words or nonverbal gestures of

acknowledgment let the speaker know you are interested and that you are with her andher message. These include "Umhum," "OK," "yes," and head nods.

These acknowledgments do not imply your agreement. If someone tells you what they

dont like about you, your head nod doesnt mean you agree. It just indicates that you arelistening.

Verbal listening

Sometimes it is necessary to speak to facilitate listening.


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1. Feed back meaning. Paraphrase the communication. Do not just parrot what they said.

Briefly summarize. Feed back the essence of what you think the other person said. "Letme see if I got what you said. . ."or, "What Im hearing you say is. . . " Often the other

person will say, "No, that's not what I meant. What I said was. . . "

There will be no doubt when you get it right. The sender will say, "Yeah, . that's it," and

will either continue with another message or stop sending it because he knows youunderstand.

If you dont understand the message, be persistent. Ask the person to please repeat what

he said and paraphrase it again. Effective communication involves a feedback loop.

Be concise. This is not a time to stop the other person by talking on and on about whatyou think you heard.

2. Listen beyond words. Be aware of nonverbal messages and behavior. You may notice

and comment that the speaker's body language is screaming the exact opposite of her

words. For example, "Inoticed you said you are excited, but you look very bored."

3. Take care of yourself. People seek out good listeners, and there are times when youdont want to listen. You may be busy or distracted with your own concerns. Be honest.

Dont pretend to listen. You can say, "I dont have the time right now." It's OK not to

listen.

Listening is an art that must be practiced!


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At Its Best Listening Involves5:

Hearing

Understanding the information

Understanding the emotions

Checking your understanding

Seeing it from the person's viewpoint, without necessarily agreeingBenefits of Active Listening

Would you like to:

facilitate understanding and working with others to produce creative solutions and solve

problems?

encourage speakers to keep communicating, to share more and go deeper?

promote open relationships?

prompt your prospects to release their feelings more easily?

to make your prospects feel less controlled by you and less afraid of a negative response?

Types of Listening

1. Empathizing: Drawing out the speaker and getting information in a supportive, helpfulway

2. Analyzing: Seeking concrete information and trying to separate fact from emotion.

3. Synthesizing: Proactively guiding the exchange towards an objective.

12 Rules of Effective ListeningBy Geoff Nightingale

1. Listen for ideas, not facts ask yourself what they mean

2. Judge content, not delivery, i.e. what they say, not how they say it

3. Listen optimistically don't lose interest straight away

4. Do not jump to conclusions

5. Be flexible, adjust your note-taking to the speaker

6. Concentrate don't start dreaming and keep eye contact

7. Do not think ahead of the speaker you will lose track

8. Work at listening be alert and alive

9. Keep emotions under control when listening

10. Open your mind practice accepting new information

11. Breathe slowly and deeply

12. Relax physically, get comfortable


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The art of effective listening

Sometimes things aren't always pleasant at the workplace. Things do go wrong. Criticismabounds. You tend to get defensive. But will that help put things right?

You should inculcate and practise the art of effective listening. It will make all the differenceto your career. Unless you separate the problem from your emotions, you're not likely to findsolutions to the problem.

You need to start coming up with answers to problems if you want to climb the ladder

of success in your chosen career. Every office has occasional problems with latedelivery, defective quality, and dissatisfied clients. This needs to be kept to aminimum, and has to be solved as soon as possible.

Sometimes people above you do get unpleasant. Just listen to what they have to say.

Try not to take it personally. That's your best defence.

Once you figure out the problem, track down where it went wrong. Listen to what

people are saying every step of the way. You're more likely to find out where things aregoing wrong.

If you are not sure how to handle the problem, don't hesitate to ask for help. But make

sure you listen to the advice.

It takes a lot of patience and practice to be able to listen effectively. You need to leave

your emotions out of it. But once you learn it, it is a skill that will always be with you. At any place, in any job.

So what are you waiting for? Take a deep breath and focus on the problem.


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