ACTIVE LISTENING AND DE-ESCALATIONNOT A TYPICAL CONVERSATION!BY: CATHY CYWINSKI, MSW LCSW

ACTIVE LISTENING

• Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding, and trust

• Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person in such a way that

the person feels that they have really been heard. It takes the conversation one step

further into the feelings of the speaker.

COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS

•These roadblocks to

communication can stop

communication dead in its tracks:

COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS

• “Why” questions--They tend to make people defensive.

• Quick reassurance-- saying things like, “Don’t worry about that.”

• Advising — “I think the best thing for you is to move to assistedliving.”

• Digging for information-- and forcing someone to talk about somethingthey would rather not talk about.

COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS

• Patronizing — “You poor thing, I know just how you feel.”

• Preaching — “You should. . .” Or, “You shouldn’t. . .” these comeacross as judgmental or value-laden

• Interrupting — Shows you aren’t interested in what someone issaying.

• Feeding into the Delusion-- Promotes focus away from realinformation and perpetuates person’s difficulty in focusing onthe conversation with you.

ACTIVE LISTENING

1. LEADING

• For example, “Would you like to talk about it?” “What

happened then?” Could you tell me more?”

ACTIVE LISTENING

2. OPEN-ENDED

• Use open-ended questions to expand the discussion — for

example, lead with: “How? What? Where? Who? Which?”

ACTIVE LISTENING

3. CLOSED-ENDED

• Use closed ended questions to prompt for specifics — for

example, lead with: “Is? Are? Do? Did? Can? Could?

Would?”

ACTIVE LISTENING

4. Minimal encouragers

• Use brief, positive prompts to keep the conversation going

and show you are listening — for example, “umm-hmmm,”

“Oh?” “I understand,” “Then?” “And?”

ACTIVE LISTENING

5. Reflecting

• Instead of just repeating, reflect the speaker’s words in

terms of feelings

ACTIVE LISTENING

6. Validation

• Acknowledge the individual’s problems, issues, and feelings.

Listen openly and with empathy, and respond in an

interested way.

ACTIVE LISTENING

7. Effective pause

• Deliberately pause at key points for emphasis. This will tell

the person you are saying something that is very important

to them.

ACTIVE LISTENING

8. Silence

• Allow for comfortable silences to slow down the exchange.

Give a person time to think as well as talk. Silence can also

be very helpful in diffusing an unproductive interaction.

ACTIVE LISTENING

9. Consequences

• Part of the feedback may involve talking about the possible

consequences of inaction.

ACTIVE LISTENING

• Example:

• Speaker: “Yesterday, I just sat around the house. I had

errands to run, but I couldn’t seem to make myself get up

and do them.”

• Listener using Simple Reflection: “It sounds like you

had a lot of trouble getting up and going.”

ACTIVE LISTENING

• Example:

• Speaker: “I’m so scared and I don’t know what I’m goingto do next. My house is gone…everything is gone”

• Listener using Reflection of Feelings: “You seemafraid and uncertain.”

• Speaker: “Yes! I’m just so frightened and I don’t knowwhat’s going to happen next.”

DE-ESCALATION

DE-ESCALATION

• One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communicationeffectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated thatthe impact of a performance was determined 7 percent by the words used,38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbalcommunication.

DE-ESCALATION

•Non-verbal communication

• Head nodding

• Avoid impersonal or "cold" stares

• Focus on the speaker, not on the paperwork

• Appropriate facial expressions (e.g. smiling, expressions of

warmth and acceptance, etc.)

DE-ESCALATION

• Smile

• Interested facial expression

• Open/welcoming gestures

• Allow the person you are talking with to dictate the spatial distance between you (This can vary according to cultural or personal differences)

• Close proximity with the L-shaped stance

DE-ESCALATION

• Para-verbal Communication

• Refers to :

• Voice Tone (Soft tone)

• Volume

• Rate of speech

Para-verbal communication is how we say something, not what we say

ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION

1. Establish a Relationship

• Introduce yourself if they do not know you. Ask the person

what they would like to be called .

• Don't shorten their name or use their first name without their

permission.

• With some cultures, it is important to always address them as "Mr."

or "Mrs.", especially if they are older than you.

ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION

2. Use concrete questions to help the person focus

• Use closed-ended questions

• If the person is not too agitated, briefly explain why you are asking the

question

• For example: I'd like to get some basic information from you so that I can

help you better. Where do you live?

ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION

3. Come to an agreement on something

• Establishing a point of agreement will help solidify your relationship

and help gain their trust

• Positive language has more influence than negative language

• Active listening will assist you in finding a point of agreement

ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION

IF YOU AGREE TO SOMETHING YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT

IT IS IMPORTANT NOT ONLY FOR THE CURRENT ENCOUNTER BUT FUTURE

ENCOUNTERS. PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER IF THEY CAN TRUST YOU!

ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION

4. Speak to the person with respect

• This is demonstrated with all aspects of communication (words, paraverbal,

nonverbal)

• Don't make global statements about the person's character

• Lavish praise is not believable

• Respect includes the use of words like PLEASE and THANK YOU; these simple words can

go a long way to demonstrate respect and de-escalate a situation.

• Comments?

• Questions?