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ADULTERY PREVENTIONIT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

ADULTERYP R E V E N T I O NIT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

BY ERSKINE KENNEDY

ADULTERY PREVENTIONIT’S UPTOYOU LADIES

By Erskine Kennedy

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. INTRODUCTION……………...................................12. HISTORY…………………………............................83. EPIDEMIC: WHYMEN CHEAT…….....................224. MARRIAGE..............…………………....................365. POLYGAMY SYMPTOMS..……............................586. CURES……………………………..........................647. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS………….........................708. CURES……………………………..........................789. EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS…………..................10410. CURES………………………………....................11211. PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS…….................12212. CURES…………………………............................138CONCLUSION……….....................................................158

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"I wrote this book as a way to voice thefrustration of the hundreds of husbands whohave crossed my path, who seem unwilling orunable to voice their frustrations about whatthey have to deal with. It is also wri-en withhope that the situation can be reversed so thatthe beauty of marriage may be enjoyed."

ERSKINE KENNEDY

INTRODUCTION

DO YOUWANT TO BEHH AA PP PP YY ??

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ADULTERY PREVENTIONIT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

INTRODUCTION

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OR DO YOU WANT TO BERIGHT?

The purpose of this book is to explore a few of thevarious factors that lead to adultery, and deal with itfrom an aspect that has not been explored enough, if

at all. I really believe that adultery is an epidemic that we face,but it can be minimized, if not totally eradicated, if all of thefactors that cause people to commit adultery are fully explored.This topic really needs to be fully examined throughworkshops, discussions, symposiums, etc. Then the lessonslearned need to be applied and the preventive measures,derived from those sessions, should be properly instituted.From the dawn of time, it seems as if men have had issues withmonogamy. Whereas I know that women also have committedand continue to commit adultery, this book is focusing on men,because they are the main culprits, and because I feel that I ambetter suited to tackle it from that aspect.

I know that there have been many discussions, analysis,arguments, symposiums, seminars, webinars, workshops,counseling sessions, and the laying on of hands, regarding thistopic, yet it is still prevalent, even in the church. Why is that?Why is it that we have advanced in so many areas likemedicine, where we are able to treat and cure diseases athousand times better that we did one hundred years ago; madesuch advancement in technology that things we used to dreamabout a few years ago are now a reality (look at the originalStar Trek from the 1960’s and you see cell phones and videoconferencing that were just a fantasy then), yet still we havenot been able to reduce the desire of men to look outside oftheir marriage for ‘greener pastures.’

In order for you to understand my point of view, it isnecessary for you to know a little about me. I am a Christianand have been for over twenty years. I have made my share ofmistakes and done many things that I am not proud of, but Iserve a loving and forgiving God who is touched with thefeelings of my infirmities. He sent His Son on earth to die on

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INTRODUCTION

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the cross for our sins, because and in spite of, what we havedone. So when He took on that human body, He also had thesame human frailties that we have so even though He did notsin, He fully understands the dumb stuff we do. I can go toHim and ask Him to forgive me and to help me to be the manHe envisioned me to be. He wants us all to serve Him andallow Him to be the Lord and Savior of our life.

The genesis of me writing this book was a combination ofmany factors that came together at the same time. I waswriting a book on foreclosure prevention, a job I did for almostten years, when one of our Pastors preached a message on theprophet Elijah. He showed how God sent a raven, one of themost selfish birds, to feed Elijah by the brook during thefamine: in spite of the famine, God took care of his people.Then God told Elijah to go into the city where He instructed awidow to feed him. When he met the widow, she said that shedid not have much and that she was preparing a meal for herselfand her son. She stated that that was the last of the food shehad and that they were going to eat it and die. Elijah told herto make him a meal first out of the little she had. She obeyed,and she was so blessed that she never ran out of food during thefamine.

Then the Pastor challenged us: If you had no fear, whatwould you do? My response to the challenge was, I would loveto be a motivational speaker, minister and author. God spoketo me and told me that the book that I am writing is for me. Hewanted me to write a different book for Him first. Just like thewidow, I had to trust and obey Him, in spite of thecircumstances. This is significant, because the reason why Ihad the time to write a book was because I was laid off frommy job. That book, I believe, was going to make me money.This book is the result of my obedience. (Its purpose is not tonecessarily make money, but to be the platform for my calling.)I also had been asking God to show me how wants to use me,and I believe that this book would be the platform. Understand,

we have not dealt with my finances yet, which I am in need ofright now.

So, how I actually started on this book is due to a series ofevents. My wife and I usually have discussions on varioustopics (except sports, in which case she just listens). We talkabout current events, athletes and things like family values andwhat is expected of us all. Whereas she does not participate inthe sports discussion with me, she would follow the humaninterest story of athletes, which is fascinating to her. So anydiscussion we have about sports is about the athletes and theirlives off the field. That is why she watches the T.O. Show,Basketball Wives and to some extent, The Greatest Catch. Shehas even started saying “Child Please” Chad Ochocinco’sfavorite slang. (ssshhh do not tell her I told you that.) I wasthirty pages into the foreclosure prevention book when newsbroke of Tiger Woods and his adultery and I was spurred, byGod, to change course (got the joke? Tiger plays on a golfcourse) and write a book about adultery and its causes, butfrom a different perspective.

My wife and I have had many discussions concerning TigerWoods’ adultery and we always seem to come down ondifferent sides. She always takes it from Elin’s point of view:She empathizes with the pain and heartache that Elin has hadto deal with, because of her husband’s philandering and thinksthat Tiger deserves whatever she did or did not to him. Shecame up with a prophetic saying. There were a lot of peoplewho assumed that Elin hit him with one of his golf clubs. Mywife said that if that was true then: “The same instrument thathe used to bring him fame and fortune was the same instrumentthat was used to bring him down.” For me, whereas I was notactually on Tiger’s side, I was not ripping him the way the restof the world seemed to be. I was curious to know why he didwhat he did and was it to the extent to which he was accused.

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people just make judgments about people and situations afterbarely scratching the surface. Tiger, like many other richathletes, are usually envied by many people, so any chance theyget to bring them down is exploited to the hilt. That is the topicof another book I am thinking of, so I will leave it there. Butisn’t it odd that this man, who was loved and embraced by somany, is now looked upon with so much scorn. You wouldthink that he was a mass murder or a child molester orcommitted some despicable act. Some of you may viewadultery as despicable. However, you need to remember thatyou always have to put things into perspective, because as badas adultery is, there are a lot of things out there that are a wholelot worse. However, depending on who is involved and yourstakes in the situation, the degree of despicableness (is that aword? I do not see the red line under it as I am typing) changes.

Whether we want to admit it or not, adultery is very mucha part of the fabric of our society. There have been so manypeople accused of it, famous and otherwise, that I believe anhonest discussion of the subject needs to take place. As Imentioned earlier, when adultery takes place, we blame theman, call him all kinds of names, pity his poor wife and wemove on. Obviously, that method is not working, because it isstill prevalent. We need to start having serious discussions asto why adultery is so prevalent in our society, before we haveno more families left.

Adultery, cheating, running around, or whatever you maycall it, is very prevalent in our society, yet there are not manypeople who do not even want to begin to have a meaningfuldiscussion about why it occurs. Maybe they are afraid that itwould reflect on them. Maybe they are guilty of doing it oraiding and abetting in it. In my uneducated days, I was guiltyof aiding and abetting a few times, but now that I know better,not only am I not doing that anymore, but willing to look at itto see how I can help to eliminate it. Let me state again that itis not only men to commit adultery, but I would not insult your

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intelligence to even begin to think that I can have a meaningfuldiscussion as to why women do it. I know of my temptationsand thought processes as a man trying to live right and do theright thing. Also, because I have spoken to many men whoface the same temptation and issues, I believe that I am betterequipped to tackle the subject from that aspect.

Whoever thinks he is standing firm had better be carefulthat he does not fall

1 Corinthians 10:12 (Today’s English Version)

In dealing with this issue, we have to make sure that we donot feel that we are better than anyone else. I mentioned thatverse because there were several members of Congress whocalled for President Clinton’s impeachment due to the MonicaLewinsky’s scandal, and they ended up in the samepredicament. They were either hypocrites or they reallythought that they were standing on firm ground. They felt likethey were better than him, and they had the right to pointfingers, only to fall into the same trap. That scenario isrepeated over and over in everyday life, because many peoplewho have criticized Tiger Woods have done it, just not to theextent that he has been accused of. However, whether it waswith one woman or fifteen, you are no better than him, so youhad better take heed. What is amazing to me is that webelieved every woman who came forward, without any realbasis, claiming to be his mistress. (That is such an old word. Ibelieve the new word is ‘jumpoff.’) Tiger has refused todivulge any details, so anybody could step forward and claimto be his mistress and get their fifteen minutes of fame with norepercussions, because we would believe them. Also whatdoes it say about the state of our society that people are notashamed to stand up and say that they had sex with someoneelse’s husband.

ADULTERY PREVENTIONIT’S UP TO YOU LADIES