Roger Benitez

On Saturday morning locals from Banstead, Surrey saw a fireball plummeting from the sky and

heard it smash into nearby Epsom.Believing a plane had crashed, they raced to the site to dis-

cover a crater around 66ft wide and 16ft deep.The meteor crashed into a family house that was empty.

Soon after the incident, many began to complain of headaches, vom-iting and sore throats. Family pets were also affected - left staggering,

gasping and with eyes watering.By Sunday, 200 people were ill, said James Davies, the director of the

local health department, who blamed a meteorite. “This is caused by the gas they have inhaled after the crash,” he said.

The mystery deepened when local news reports said two “calcium life- forms” were found in the crater. One excited radio reporter said: “They

think they’ve found spacemen.” The bodies turned out to be the remains of dead animals buried before the object hit.

“We are all very worried,” said villager Georgia Davies. “People wonder if it is safe to drink the water, or eat the food.”An engineer from the British Nuclear Energy Institute

said no radiation had been detected. Scientists from Imperial College London continue to

examine the site.

Epsom Apocolepsm

Vladimir  Putin  will  not  return  for  a  third  term  after  spending  four  years  as  Russia’s  Prime  Minister.  Mr  Putin  told  supporters  at  a  rally   in  central  Moscow  that  he  was  disappointed  with  the  unlawful   elections  that  had  been  carried  away  by  the  Central  Election

Commission.  “I  promise  you  we  will  come  back,”  he  said,  his  eyes   watering.  “Russia  has  made  a  mistake.”     The  electoral  commission  showed  preliminary  results,  with  returns   from  more  than  half  the  polling  districts,  showing  rival  Gennady   Zyuganov  gaining  over  64%,  enough  to  give

 give  him  a  first- ‐round  victory   over  Mr  Putin,  with  about  17%.  The  other  three  candidates  were  in   single  digits.     In  a  news  conference  after  the  polls  closed,  Mr  Zyuganov  described   the  elections  as  “fair  and  worthy”  and  said  that  with  the  increasing   public  anger,

 “it  was  obvious  that  Mr  Putin  would  not  come  back  for  a   third  term”.       “These  were  the  cleanest  elections  in  Russian  history,”  said  Vladimir   Ryzhkov,  one  of  the  leaders  of  the  street  protest  movement,  which   was  not  represented  in  the  election.     Meanwhile

 Mr  Putin’s  campaign  chief  Stanislav  Govorukhin   described  the  poll  as  “Illegitimate  in  every  way.”   The  turnout  was  17%  by  18:00  Moscow  time  (14:00  GMT),   considerably  lower  than  in  the  2008  elections.  Electoral  officials   forecast  a  final  turnout  of  20%  for  Mr  Putin.     Opposition

 activists  and  independent  observers  said  in  particular   they  were  concerned  about  reports  of  so  called  “carousel”  or  merry- ‐ go- ‐round  voting,  where  groups  of  voters  turned  up  to  vote  more  than   once  at  different  polling  stations.

Putin is Lusin

Commission.  “I  promise  you  we  will  come  back,”  he  said,  his  eyes   watering.  “Russia  has  made  a  mistake.”     The  electoral  commission  showed  preliminary  results,  with  returns   from  more  than  half  the  polling  districts,  showing  rival  Gennady   Zyuganov  gaining  over  64%,  enough  to  give

 give  him  a  first- ‐round  victory   over  Mr  Putin,  with  about  17%.  The  other  three  candidates  were  in   single  digits.     In  a  news  conference  after  the  polls  closed,  Mr  Zyuganov  described   the  elections  as  “fair  and  worthy”  and  said  that  with  the  increasing   public  anger,

 “it  was  obvious  that  Mr  Putin  would  not  come  back  for  a   third  term”.       “These  were  the  cleanest  elections  in  Russian  history,”  said  Vladimir   Ryzhkov,  one  of  the  leaders  of  the  street  protest  movement,  which   was  not  represented  in  the  election.     Meanwhile

 Mr  Putin’s  campaign  chief  Stanislav  Govorukhin   described  the  poll  as  “Illegitimate  in  every  way.”   The  turnout  was  17%  by  18:00  Moscow  time  (14:00  GMT),   considerably  lower  than  in  the  2008  elections.  Electoral  officials   forecast  a  final  turnout  of  20%  for  Mr  Putin.     Opposition

Nicolas Sarkozy specifically ar-ranged the timing of a Papal visit so that it would clash with Carla Bruni singing live on television.

The bizarre incident is one of a series leaked by one of the French First Lady’s closest friends, which suggest that even presidents and super stars are not guaranteed marital bliss.

In September 2008, the Pope was due to visit the Elysee Palace around the time that Carla was singing a duet on Taratata, a TV music show.

‘What time is the Pope arriving?’ Sarkozy asked his aides, adding ‘My wife has to do her balance checks for Taratata. I really don’t want to see it.’Turin-born Carla was reportedly furious when this scheming piece of scheduling

was uncovered, and demanded a public apology from her hus-band: ‘If you don’t apologise in tomorrow’s edition, I’m going to the paper, as Carla Bruni, Italian, and not as First Lady, and I’m go-ing to poke your eyes out.’

Alongside these less than private bickering sessions, Carla is cur-rently campaigning on behalf of Mr Sarkozy as he attempts to be re-elected as President in May, and this obvious hypocrisy could possibly explain why he is trail-ing in all polls to his Socialist rival Francois Hollande.

CARLA BRUNI

NAKED

Fucking Heatwave

It was expected to be cold on Saturday, with rain moving into the South-West of England, but instead there was an expectant arrival of hot weather. Tempera-tures in some parts of the country will be around -5 degrees, some of the hottest temperatures on record, maybe getting even hotter to -7 degrees. “If you do not want to brave the heat outside there are simple ways to keep cool at home, such as drawing curtains and drink-ing plenty of water.” What has the weather got in store for Britain’s future? Could Britain have a hotter future ahead? Could this effect the numbers of tourists to the country?

United KingdomMonday: 8 degreesTuesday: 8 degreesWednesday: 9 degreesThursday: 10 degreesFriday: 12 degrees Britain has been experiencing its hottest weather to date with temperatures rising to 8 degrees in London. February was unseasonably dry and March is about to get a lot hotter, according to the Met of-fice. Hot weather, shorts and flip-flops are set to return to Britain over the next week. A Met office spokeswoman said: “It was scorching on Sunday and Monday and most people will notice it feeling much hotter.”

Sun is expected in higher

areas of Scotland with

a “chance” further south.

The UK saw only 60 percent of

normal rainfall last month.

Early indications were that

February was one of the 15 dri-

est ever.

Some parts of the country had

less than half their normal

average rainfall.

The UK’s Chief medical officer,

Sally Davies has warned older

people and those with under-

lying health problems to take

extra care as the heat wave

strikes. She reminded them

to cover up, and prepare cold

drinks to help ward off heat

Weighing almost two stone and measuring four feet from his nose to the tip of his tail, this is thought to be the biggest fox ever found in Britain.The discovery has fuelled fears that urban foxes are hunting new prey after getting bigger and bolder as they gorge themselves on leftovers, includ-ing treats put out for them by animal lovers.

The animals’ rise was highlight-ed last year after twin elderly women were mauled in their east London home.

Ninety three-year-old Lola and Isabella Koupparis were left scratched and scarred after a fox jumped into their bed in the night, leading to calls for the an-imals to be culled as pests.The new giant was caught by Grandmother Rene Anderson at her family estate in Maidstone, Kent, on Boxing Day after she discovered the fox had killed her black and white pet cat, Amber.

She said today: ‘Obviously, she was very upset. Amber was 19 and liked sleeping on the front door mat.The giant fox’s discovery was revealed today on the internet-based Fieldsports Channel - and was pictured next to a boy of seven, to give a sense of scale.

Presenter Charlie Jacoby said: ‘If

it took a cat, who’s to say it wasn’t

on the path to taking a child?

‘If I lived in the suburbs with

children, I would think twice

about leaving the baby in a pram

or elderly out on a warm sum-

mer night knowing outsize fox-

es are out there.’

Tomorrow the news channel

will seek to confirm that an even

bigger fox has been found after

a man contacted them to say he

shot one weighing 34lb around

Somerset last year

Foxing Gloves (Fightastic Mr Fox)

A Catholic clergyman who once described gay marriage as “mad-ness” faced congratulations on Sunday when he performed a magnificent U-turn by becoming the first member of the Catholic clergy to take part in a civil ser-vice ceremony.

In an article for a Sunday news-paper, Cardinal Keith O’Brien wholeheartedly gave his support for the coalition’s proposal for legalising gay marriage, which is due to go out for consultation later this month.

The letter reignited a sometimes passionate debate over the issue, which David Cameron made a personal crusade when he used his party speech two years ago to support gay marriage “because I am a Conservative”.

A Downing St spokesman said there was no change in the government’s pledge to legalise gay marriage, though he said Cameron was “relaxed” about church criticisms, which have been voiced by the Archbishop of Canterbury.“There inevitably will be some people in the church who disa-gree with us, but it’s important for equality,” he said.

Margot James, the first openly lesbian Conservative MP, was at the forefront of the many who were eager to wish the Cardinal well in his bold decision, and empathised publicly with the obvious problems that come with pioneering such a lifestyle choice in his area of work. She told BBC 1’s Andrew Marr Show: “I think it is an unbeliev-

ably brave move for a prelate to make. I hope the government takes his actions into account when considering the issue of gay marriage this month, as this clearly symbolises the extent to which fully equal marriage rights would be supported. I wish Cardinal O’Brien and his partner every happiness.”

Cardinal O’Brien was unavail-able for comment immediately following the ceremony, but was photographed leaving a Brighton registry office, evidently enjoying the first throes of marital bliss

A Home Office spokeswoman said the government believed that “if a couple love each other” and want to commit to a life to-gether they should “have the op-

tion of a civil marriage irrespec-tive of their sexual orientation”.

Equalities minister Lynne Feath-erstone is due to launch a con-sultation on the plans later this month.

UNHOLY MATRIMONY

Former Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti has been re-sacked by Roman Abramovic 9 months after leaving the London club. A string of poor results had led to a great deal of speculation regard-ing the job security of current manager, Andre Villas Boas who, remarkably, remains in employ-ment.

It was reported that, follow-ing Chelsea’s 1-0 defeat at West Bromwich Albion on Saturday, the former manager received a furious phone call from the club’s owner. Ancelotti explained: ‘Af-ter having no contact with Chel-sea for nearly a year I received a blunt phone call from the Chair-man that resulted in the termina-tion of a non-existent contract and then a £30m pay-off. The situation was bizarre. The club is bizarre. The man is bizarre”.

A club statement read: “The board would like to record our gratitude for Carlo Ancelotti’s work and express our disap-pointment that the relationship

has ended so early.“Unfortunately the results and performances of the team have not been good enough and were showing no signs of improving at a key time in the season.Although there has still been no amendment by the club, it seems that this misdirected and con-fused action may have been the result of Abramovic’s habitual hiring and sacking of managers. In just four years, Chelsea have had five different managers at the helm and this action is the latest in a series of absurd events surrounding the club.Current manager, Andre Vil-las Boas, who joined the club eight months ago, will remain in charge. In an interview with a Portugese radio station he ad-mitted his delight at the owner’s mix-up: “Am I the right man for the job? Technically not. Am I still the manager? I think so. Do I have loads of cash? Yes.”

Chelsilly Mistake

UNHOLY MATRIMONY

GeminiA group with which you’re affiliated could be against a course of action that you might feel is wise now, Gemini. You might inform them of your certainty, but they’re prob-ably too bored to listen. You could begin to have doubts about goals of your own that may be taking a long time to manifest. Hang in there. Sometimes things take longer than you’d like, but success is still in the wind.

LibraUplifting events in the neighbourhood might have family members in a high. This could be something major like a ce-lebrity crossing the street, or something as minor as flowers blooming in the garden. No matter, Libra, it’s going to make your lives a bit more tolerable for a while, enjoy it!

CancerThe time has come to make plans for getting together with friends or a romantic partner. This could prove beneficial, Cancer, especially since you have to take time off work, but these things need to happen. Don’t let it get to you. This will have no lasting effect on your career. Play hard, get it done, and schedule time for work later.

CapricornToday you might feel down by your current situation. Perhaps you’re thinking of changing jobs or professions, or maybe you’re considering moving to a more tiring place. This are all bad ideas, Capricorn, today is the day to make definite decisions or even consider your options. You are in an ob-jective frame of mind. Don’t wait a few days before thinking about this some more. You might change your mind.

ScorpioToday you might hear a rather distressing fact about one or more people you don’t know. Don’t be surprised if more than one person phones or emails to fill you in on this. How-ever, Scorpio, this information is extremely accurate; you must choose what to do with it wisely.

PiscesThe low level of depression that you’ve probably been experiencing could suddenly prove too much for you today, Pisces. You might need pick up the pace and grasp what’s happening in your life. New friends, new knowledge, and new opportunities have appeared in profusion, but you could still be feeling a bit down, wondering if you can handle it all. Don’t fight these feelings; work through them instead. You’ll be better off for it.

LeoYour health has been declining over the past few weeks, Leo, but today you’re likely to feel a little better. This is probably due to the change in weather. You’ve been working hard and concentrating on little else, so your body is now healing. You need some food. Time to get back to work and don’t feel nervous about it.

VirgoYou might have cancelled plans of an exciting evening with friends or your current love interest, but you have to reactivate them due to forces beyond your control. This could prove both beneficial and exciting, Virgo, you must do something about it. Just reschedule and plan something else for tonight.

AriesThe energy that has propelled you forward for the past several weeks might seem to rise a bit today, causing you momentary confidence that your progress will continue. As a result, you could be feeling great. Congratulations, Aries. The pace has been so slow that it had to speed up sometime. It will slow down again, and you’ll have had time to catch your breath. Enjoy it while it lasts!

SagittariusPersonal or professional projects you’ve been working on might be moving to fast for your control today, Sagittarius. You may wonder if this is because you are finally doing something right. This probably isn’t the case. It’s no doubt just a normal boost of energy, which should slow down again tomorrow.

TaurusToday you might experience a massive enlightenment of the soul, Taurus. You could take a long look at your life and, even though you’re doing poorly, still feel that you have reached where you want to be. Spiritually, you might doubt the traditional views you’ve questioned and still wonder about new concepts you’ve adopted. Try to benefit from this experience by not distracting yourself through reading or perhaps a movie.

AquariusNow is the time for attempting to master a new computer program or other form of high-tech equipment, Aquarius. You are having a stroke of genius. However, you aren’t be-yond all help! Keep focused, concentrate, and do your best. It’s time to get things done.

Horoscopes