6135 winchester road irvine, kentucky 40336-8517 · 2019-03-20 · 6135 winchester road irvine,...

6135 Winchester RoadIrvine, Kentucky 40336-8517

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Page 4, The Estill County Tribune, March 20, 2019

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Canaries For Christmas MatellseveryoneshewantstwoyellowcanariesforChristmas.Juniordrawshername,soonChristmasdayheisshowingPawhathehasinthecageforMa’spres-ent.WhenPalooksintothecage,Juniorhastwopalegreenparakeets. Pasays,“Son,IthoughtMasaidshewantedtwoyel-lowcanariesforChristmas.” “Shedid,”repliesJunior.“TheladyIboughtthemfromatthefleamarketsaidtheseweren’tquiteripeyet.”

Please Don’t Tell Asalesmandropsbytoseeabusinesscustomer,andthere’snotasoul in theofficeexceptabigdogemp-tyingwastebaskets.Thesalesmenstaresattheanimal,wonderingifhisimaginationcouldbeplayingtricksonhim. Thedoglooksupandsays,“Don’tbesurprised.Thisisjustpartofmyjob.” “Incredible,” exclaims the man. “I can’t believe it.Doesyourbossknowwhataprizehehasinyou?Ananimalthatcantalk!” “No,No!”pleadsthedog.“Pleasedon’ttellhim.I’malreadycleaningfloorsandemptyingthetrashcans.IfhefindsoutIcantalk,he’llbeexpectingmetoanswerthephone,too.”

Pig Story Apigwalksintoastoreandbuysalargesoftdrink.Afterwards,heaskstousetherestroomandthenleaves.Awhile later,anotherpigcomesin,drinksa largesoftdrink,askstousetherestroomandthenleaves.Some-timelater,a thirdpigdoes thesamething,andthenafourthdrinksasoftdrink,askstousetherestroomandleaves. Inawhile,anotherpiggycomesin,drinksalargesoftdrinkandstartsoutthedoor. “Aren’tyougoingtoasktousetherestroomlikethelastfourpigsdid,”asksthestoremanager. “Nah,”saysthepig.“I’mthefifthpiggy.I’lljustwee,wee,weeallthewayhome.”

More Alligators Amanwalksintoabarwithanalligatoronaleashandasksthebarman,“DoyouserveWashingtonpoliticiansinhere?” Thebarmanreplies,“Ofcourse,weservepeoplefromalltypesofoccupations.” “OK,”saystheman,“Thenabeerforme,andaWash-ingtonpoliticianforthealligator”

Two Cows Twocowsarestandinginafield.Thefirstcowsaystotheother,“I’malittlebitconcernedaboutthismadcowdiseasethat’sgoingaround.” Thesecondcowreplies,“Don’tworryaboutit...itdoesn’taffectuschickens.”

Yard Care Pa notices that Bambi goes out every morning andsprinklessomethingwhitealloverheryard,sohede-cidestoaskherwhatsheisdoing. “Oh,” answers Bambi. “That’s elephant powder. Iboughtitatthefleamarkettokeeptheelephantsfromtramplingmyflowers.” Pa says, “Everybody knows that there ain’t no ele-phantsaroundhere!” “Well,” replies Bambi. “I guess it must be workingthen.”

Running Rabbits Twolittlerabbitsarerunningfortheirlivesinfrontofapackofwolves.Theoneinfrontyellsoverhisshoul-der,“Followme,Iknowwherethereisaplacewecanhide‘tilweoutnumberem!” Theotheryellsback,“You’dbetterkeeprunning!I’myourbrother!”

Rabid Dog JunioriswalkingdownMainStreetwhenheseesPaandacrowdofpeoplerunningtowardshim.HehollersatPa,“What’shappening?” “Arabiddogisintown!”isthereply. “Oh shucks!” says Junior. “Which way is it head-ing?” Pareplies,“Son,doyouthinkwe’rechasingit?”

Kit Bragging Threefemalecatsarebraggingabouttheirkittens.Thefirstsays,“Mykittens’fatherisapurePersiancat.” The second says, “Mine’s father is pure-bred Sia-mese.” Thethirdcatjustsitsthere,sayingnothing.Sothefirsttwocatsaskher,“Well,whatareyourkittens’father?” Shereplies,“Oh,Idon’treallyknow...Ihadmyheadstuckinatunacanatthetime.”

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FRANKFORT --Taxes, felony expungement, andelectionlawswereamongthehigh-profileissuesunderthespotlightthisweekastheGeneralAssembly’s2019sessionneareditsfinalday. ThisweekwasthebusiestoftheyearattheStateCapi-tolaslawmakersworkedintotheeveningtoputthefinaltouchesonbillsthattheywantedtogetacrossthefinishlinebytheendofthenightonMarch14,theirfinalwork-ingdaybeforethestartofavetorecess.TherecessrunstoMarch28,whenlawmakerswillreturntotheCapitolforthesession’sfinalday. BillsthattookstepsclosertobecominglawbetweenMarch12andMarch14includemeasuresonthefollow-ingtopics: Felony expungement . Legislationtoexpandthenum-berofKentuckianseligibletohavelow-levelfeloniesexpungedfromtheircriminalrecordswasdeliveredtothegovernor’sofficeaftera36-1finalvoteintheSenate.SenateBill57wouldexpanddiscretionaryexpungementtoallClassDfelonies,exceptthosethatinvolveabreachofpublictrust,sexoffenses,crimesagainstchildrenandviolentcrimesthatmaycauseseriousbodilyinjuryorevendeath.Thebillalsooutlineshowthestatewouldhandleexpungementrequestsforcrimescommittedbe-fore1975whenKentuckychangeditspenalcode. Abortion . SenateBill9,knownasthe“fetalheartbeatbill,”isreadytobedeliveredtothegovernorfollowinga71-19Housevote.Thelegislationwouldprohibitabor-tiononceanunbornchild’sheartbeatisdetectable. Anothermeasure,knownasthe“HumanLifeProtec-tionAct”wasdeliveredtothegovernor’sofficefollowingits32-5approvalintheSenate.HouseBill148wouldoutlawabortioninKentuckyinmostcasesiftheland-markU.S.SupremeCourtrulinginRoev.Wadeisre-versed.Thebillwouldallowexceptionstosavethelifeofamother. Student vaping . ASenatepanelgaveitsapprovaltoabillthatwouldbantheuseoftobaccoande-cigarettesbystudents,schoolpersonnel,andvisitorsatKentucky’sschools.Thelegislation,HouseBill11,wouldgivelocalboardsofeducationthreeyearstooptoutofthebaniftheychoose.ThemeasurenowgoestothefullSenatetoseeifthatchamberwantstoconsiderthelegislationonMarch28,thefinaldayofthelegislativesession. Taxes . HouseBill354wouldchangeanumberoftaxlawsandincludesmeasurestoproviderelieftoKentuckybanksandnonprofitorganizations.Themeasurestartedoffasaproposaltoclarifythatnonprofitsandcharitableorganizationsdonotowetaxesoncharitableadmissionssales.Alongtheway,itwasamendedtoincludebankingtaxreformsmeanttohelpthestate’ssmallercommunitybanksbyremovingthebanks’franchisetaxandinsteadrequirepaymentofthestatecorporateincometax.ThelegislationwouldalsoexemptincomeearnedbyNational

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------March 12-14, 2019 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ThisWeekattheStateCapitol

Guardmemberswhileintraining,lowerthepropertytaxonheavyequipmentrental,allowtaxationofremotesalesbyonlineretailers,andexcludepoultryfromasalestaxonveterinaryservices.Themeasurehasbeendeliveredtothegovernor’sofficefollowingtheSenate’sandHouse’sagreementtoafinalversionofthelegislationproposedbyafreeconferencecommittee. Crime . Abillhasbeendeliveredtothegovernorthatwouldincreasepenaltiesagainststrangulationbymakingitafelony.SenateBill70receivedfinalapprovalintheSenateona35-1vote.Ifthemeasurebecomeslaw,Ken-tuckywouldjoin47otherstateswithsuchlaws. Midwives .LegislationisonthewaytothegovernoraftertheSenateacceptedamendmentstoaproposaltocreaterecognize,certifyandregulatehome-birthmid-wives.SenateBill84wouldcreateacounciltoadvisethestateBoardofNursingonthecreationofregulationsregardingqualifications,standardsfortraining,compe-tency,anynecessarystatutorychangesandallothermat-tersrelatingtocertifiedprofessionalmidwives. Elections . HouseBill114,approvedbytheHouseona56-39vote,wouldrequirecandidatesforstateofficesandmostlocalofficestoofficiallydeclaretheircandidaciesvia“statement-of-candidacy”formsnolaterthanthelastTuesdayinJanuaryprecedingthegeneralelection.ThecurrentdeadlineisApril1.Withamendmentsthatwereaddedtothebill,themeasurewouldalsoremovetheSec-retaryofStateasavotingmemberoftheStateBoardofElectionsandwouldmakeitamisdemeanorifanelectionofficialwillfullymisusesthestate’svoterregistrationros-ter.Sincethebillcontainsanemergencyclause,itwouldtakeeffectimmediatelyuponbeingsignedintolaw. CitizenscansharefeedbackwithstatelawmakersontheissuesconfrontingKentuckybycallingtheGeneralAssembly’stoll-freemessagelineat1-800-372-7181