flatulence fragrance management
Post on 24-May-2015
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Flatulence Fragrance
Management
How to stop farts from stinking out the joint
Bottom Burp Business
What this presentation will cover
Why do farts smell?
Silent but violent
Constituent gases
Volume & Frequency
Mitigating Factors
Combustion
Lessons learnt
What causes air biscuits?
Normal part of digestion
Bacterial cultures in lower intestine consume remaining food matter Typically insoluble dietary fiber
Swallowing air whilst eating/drinking Introducing more air into the
digestive tract may force it downwards
Although most gas swallowed is burped Some can’t do this!
Accumulation of gas can create distention, and eventual releases
Silent but violent
Noise created by partially contracted sphincter vibrating as air passes
If sphincter is too loose, air passes without obstruction and a silent fart is produced Dead people fart, but silently!
Hazardous emissions can cause abdominal discomfort or a burning sensation This causes changes in sphincter
control, resulting in the fart being silent.
Make up of the fumes
20%
45%
10%
10%
10%
5%
Composition of trumps
Nitrogen
Hydrogen
Carbon Dioxide
Oxygen
Methane
Other (incl Sulphur Diox-ide)
Totally not nicked and modified from Wikipedia
Who smelt it, dealt it
Most people fart 12-25 times per day
Mostly at night
Lower frequency probably correlates to more volume per flatus
Some people can apparently fart on command Who knows if this means they can
actually control farts so they don’t unexpectedly slide out
‘You don’t choose the fart, it chooses you!’ - Billy Connolly
Mitigating Factors
Diet For the love of god, don’t eat lots of
green veg Avoid curry If you’re lactose intolerant, don’t eat
lactose If you don’t know if you are, now’s
a great time to find out.
Outside Just stand downwind from would-be
victims
Torching it!
More than half of poo gas is highly combustible
Fire is the solution!
Keep naked flames away from the anus at emission Due to oxygen content, it’s highly
possible for a flame to enter the rectum and cause serious damage
Close quarters?
A one-off? Use a cigarette lighter
Frequent? Got some folks round?
Mask the smell, but add atmosphere, light some tea light candles!
Farting like a trooper?
Add more candles
See lots of candles at someone’s house?
Now you know.
Lessons Learnt
Farts Smell because of gasses
Farts are heard because of your tight sphincter
Dead people don’t fart audible
Fire is the cure
But don’t light your sphincter
That aisle in IKEA is the safest place to fart without being noticed
THANKS FOR READING But don’t do this >>>>
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