guardian masterclass edit

HowA Partner Using Social Science

To Find

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and not just about the people you’re meeting, and everything that’s going on

with them, but also how do you act in all these different scenarios that the dating world throws out. What do you evenwear? You know what to wear to work. All of these unknowns, understandably, can be scary for people. That’s a lot ofunknowns! Therefore, using objectivity and different anthropological methodologies can help us separate fact fromfiction, it can help us to see the real story of what is going on and not just one that our minds have made up.

As you might know. I am a social and cultural anthropologist which is a very long way of saying that Istudy human behavior. So, I am firm believer that using reason and logic, based in social science, isimportant. Especially in realm of flirting and attraction because what I have noticed over the last decadeof helping people in this area, is that the idea of expressing interest in someone you like, turns the mostconfident and savvy person, into a pile of mush. People who, in their jobs, are capable and confident, allof a sudden when it comes to expressing interest in someone, they don’t know up from down.

I’ve deduced it’s You know what your boss is going to say. You

know what your capacity in your job is, how people will receive you, if fact, you probably already knowmost of the people in your work life, and what is expected of you, you know everything about this facetof your life. And if you didn’t at first, you have every day, 8 hours a day to get familiar in this role, withthis side of your personality.

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• In order for you to learn how to your mind as your friend, rather than foe, let’s start with aI will now share with you three of the methodologies that

anthropologists use in their field work, to ensure objectivity.

• This means that something must happen enough times, before we can make anaccurate judgement as to whether it’s true or not. For example, you say. ‘I’ve tried everything,there’s no one out there’. or ‘I’ve been on so many dates’. But if we were to really deconstruct this,‘trying everything’ means signing up for a dating site and going to one singles event. And going on‘so many dates’ was actually 2 dates. So while in your head it might seem true that you are beingso proactive, when you look at reality, through sample size, it might not actually be the case. Youcan’t be sure of anything without enough numbers to justify your conclusion.

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This is the final area affecting your partner search, and where I’d love to offer you a

different path than the one you probably usually take about rejection. The one we’ve

been schooled in since we were young. It’s the way society teaches rejections, and that

is as a soul-destroying exercise, one that you avoid at all costs. And this probably means

that you have missed out on many great opportunities, and many times haven’t done

something that you really wanted to do, due to fear of what the rejection will feel like.

So I want to offer you an alternate viewpoint of rejection. And that is that it can be pretty

useful as an efficient weeding out mechanism.

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H.O.T. A.P.E.

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Humor

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Open body language24

Touch25

Attention

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Proximity

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Eye Contact

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H umor

O pen Body Language

T ouch

A ttention

P roximity

E ye Contact

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