hard conversations: managing parent relationships

Hard Conversations: Managing Parent

Relationships

Presenter: Adrianna Bond KIPP Through College August 3, 2011

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsDoggie Dyad Smokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Our Objectives

You will be able to:

•Identify key techniques for managing crucial conversations.

•Apply the techniques to analyze a parent’s perspective and determine next steps for a HSP counselor in a case study.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has

taken place.

-George Bernard Shaw

Please Do Now

Think about the most difficult conversation you had with a parent this year.

•Share two (2) things that you could have done differently with your table.

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsDoggie DyadSmokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Difficult Conversations

“What happened”

Feelings Identity

Three Conversations

•The “What Happened” Conversation

•The Feelings Conversation

•The Identity Conversation

The “What Happened” Conversation

Disagreement about what has happened or what should happen. (p. 7)

Questions to ponder:

•Who said what?

•Who did what?

•Who’s right?

•Who’s to blame?

The Feelings Conversation

Address and answer questions about participants’ feelings.

Questions to ponder:

•Are my feelings valid?

•Should I ignore my feelings?

•What about the other person’s feelings?

The impact of the conversation on each participant.

Questions to ponder:

•Am I competent or incompetent?

•Am I a good or bad person?

•Am I worthy of love or unlovable?

The Identity Conversation

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsDoggie Dyad Smokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Listening as a Tool

3 listening skills:

1. Inquiry-Ask open-ended questions for understanding. (p. 174)

2. Paraphrase-Summarize your understanding of what the other person is saying. (p. 178)

3. Acknowledgement-A sign that you identify the emotional content of what the other person is saying. (p. 181)

•Find a partner near you and face one another.

•Each person is given equal time to talk. (1 minute 30 seconds)

•The listener does not interpret, paraphrase, analyze, give advice or break in with a personal story.

•Confidentiality is forever!

•Thank your partner for listening and switch.

Dyads: Two ears are better than one

“What happened”

Feelings Identity

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsDoggie Dyad Smokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

What does this image have to do with managing parent

relationships?

“Only you can prevent forest fires!”

Neglected parent relationships and poor communication can become like forest fires.

•In the next 7 minutes, brainstorm “forest fire” prevention tips in response to common communication pitfalls that HSP/KTC counselors encounter.

•Be prepared to share with the entire group.

“What happened”

Feelings Identity

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsSmokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Role PlaysLet’s get ready to rumble!

Confidentiality is FOREVER!

Role Play Framework

Role Play-10 minutes

Feedback-5 minutes (2-3 people)

Whole Group Debrief-7 minutes

Feedback model

4 steps for giving effective feedback:

1. Ask-“May I give you some feedback?”

2. State the behavior-“When you…”

3. Describe the impact-“I noticed that…”

4. Next steps

Confidentiality is FOREVER!

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsSmokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Role PlaysLet’s get ready to rumble!

Confidentiality is FOREVER!

Role Play Framework

Role Play-10 minutes

Feedback-5 minutes (2-3 people)

Whole Group Debrief-7 minutes

Feedback model

4 steps for giving effective feedback:

1. Ask-“May I give you some feedback?”

2. State the behavior-“When you…”

3. Describe the impact-“I noticed that…”

4. Next steps

Our Agenda

Please Do Now 3 ConversationsSmokey the BearCase Study #1 Case Study #2TakeawaysGoodbye!

Think-Pair-Share

Share with your partner

• What is your

biggest takeaway from this session?

• How will you apply

it?

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