how to pitch bullshit
Post on 21-Apr-2017
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SUCCESS
HOW TO PITCH BULLSHIT
Moritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo
Moritz Haarmann
GTUG Stuttgart Founding Member
Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner
Social Media Expert
Innovator!!!11!!
Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )
What we talk about today
Why it is necessary to learn how to pitch right
Avoid failing
Learn to think like business people
Learn to act convincingly!
Use Technology like a Pro
( PowerPoint )
How to analyze ideas
Success rate overview
1 %
99 %
Win Fail
Why we need to do it.
We need money
For technological projects
from people who just don‘t understand
Why it fails
We communicate the wrong things
We address business people the wrong way!
=> Let‘s do it right!
ADJUST YOUR COMMUNICATION
Use rules! Algorithms! Jiha!
EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO IS
YOUR MOTHER IN LAW.„Mother-in-law-rule“
Mother-in-law-rule
You just need to get along well with your mother in law
She is, most likely, a total noob.
COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGON
TERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD.
„Buzzword-Rule“
FOR EACH TECHNICAL TERM, USE 3 POSITIVE
BUSINESS TERMS.Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule
REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE
Bad Pitch
„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
Bad Pitch
„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
Bad Pitch
„We are providing for Users to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.
Good pitch?
Any ideas?
Good pitch
„We aim to build a local social advertising platform, enabling millions of paying customers to explore the world of hand made quality bread in the premium section of an ever groing market.“.
Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( While pointing towards the sky ) regularly before and after pitching.
Better pitch
Avoid textual content whenever possible
Real leaders and executives just don‘t have the time
There are, although, technologies that help you communicate your content
Charts
0
75
150
225
300
20072008
20092010
Charts
Are, without a doubt, the secret of successful entrepreneurs and business guys.
Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should use charts whenever possible.
ALWAYS USE 3 CHARTS IN ANY PRESENTATION.
Three-Chart-Rule
Three Chart Rule
For each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.
( It is a secret code among business people to use three charts, an unwritten law. )
First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability of using and creating charts.
Second chart: Linear growth
Third chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.
YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.
IF IT IS COMPLICATED=> sucks.
IF IT IS JUST LIKE SOMETHING ELSE
it sucks. and you.
NO ONE NEEDS ITit sucks
IT DEALS WITH SELLING
CUSTOMIZED STUFFit sucks really really hard.
ANYWAY.
Smart Idea Pimpin‘
Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In your head.
Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a good starting point.
Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feel comfortable with. Become one with them.
Pitching all the time
You need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitching
you will fail hard if you are not.
Failure is not an option.
ONE LAST THING
THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE
It‘s great to be a nerd.
Our ideas rock.
We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )
Indoor Temperature Dev.
0
25
50
75
100
9:0011:00
13:0015:00
17:00
Winter Today
THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.
Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.
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