how to see the lion in your mirror, kennedy krieger institute

How to See the Lion in Your Mirror

Kennedy Krieger Institute

December 1, 2016

Joe Tye, CEO and Head CoachValues Coach Inc.

Copyright © 2016, Values Coach Inc.

No one ever really “wins” the lottery.

About 70 percent of people who “win” the lottery end up broke in a few years.

National Endowment for Financial Education

How to see the Lion in Your Mirror – 8 Strategies

These strategies can help you be better in every dimension of your work and your life

As colleagues

As parents

Setting priorities

Managing money

Physically

Emotionally

Spiritually

And avoid…

The 8 Strategies

Strategy #1

Get very clear about your personal values

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“People who are clearest about their personal vision and values are significantly more committed to their organizations.”James Kouzes and Barry Posner: A Leader's Legacy

Organizational values define strategies while personal values define culture.

Culture of Ownership Classroom

Midland Memorial Hospital

Core Action Value #1

Authenticity

Core Action Value #2

Integrity

Core Action Value #3

Awareness

Core Action Value #4

Courage

Core Action Value #5

Perseverance

Core Action Value #6

Faith

Core Action Value #7

Purpose

Core Action Value #8

Vision

Core Action Value #9

Focus

Core Action Value #10

Enthusiasm

Core Action Value #11

Service

Core Action Value #12

Leadership

The goals you achieve

The contribution you make

The person you become

Will be determined by the values that

guide your life

Strategy #2

Make fear your ally

Fear is the most serious of all learning disabilities!

Edward Hallowell: Worry

The absence of fear is not courage!

The absence of fear is…

No Fear, No Courage…

Big Fear, Big Courage…

Anxiety

Fear

Worry

Anxiety

Three bad things happen when you in the thrall of anxiety…

Bad Thing #1

Memory is distorted: past successes seem small and insignificant while past failures seem huge and certain to be repeated.

Bad Thing #2

Perception is distorted: the dangers facing you are blown out of proportion while you underestimate the resources you have.

Bad Thing #3

Vision is distorted: you cannot see the possibilities for a great outcome because you are so fixated on images of doom.

Anxiety tries to become fear.

Paul Tillich: The Courage to Be

Fear

Fear can paralyze or it can catalyze

You’ve heard that the acronym F.E.A.R. stands for Fantasized Evidence Appearing Real.It also stands for…

Fabulous Excuse for Avoiding Responsibility

Fear is your ally when...

Good Thing #1

It alerts you to the fact that you are not ready for some possible future event.

Good Thing #2

It galvanizes you to take action.

Good Thing #3

It opens your eyes to the fact you are on the wrong path in life (one reason “midlife crisis” is so often a time of searing anxiety).

Good Thing #4

When it is a call to focus*

* Procrastination is always rooted in fear

Good Thing #5

When it is a call to faith*

* Faith begins at the point where certainty ends

Are people afraid of change?

Worry

Worry is like paying interest on a debt that you probably don’t even owe!

Toxic worry is abuse of the God-given gift of imagination!

10 Actions You Can Take to Have More Courage

Action #1

Find your Big Why* – your Path with Heart**

* A term used by Gary Keller, Founder of Keller Williams Realty

** A term coined by Carlos Castaneda

Caring is the root of courage – you wouldn’t be afraid if you didn’t care…

And you act in spite of your fear because you care

Action #2

Give fear a name and it becomes just a problem.

It’s easier to solve problems than it is to conquer fear.

Terror or exhilaration?

Action #3

Manage the time zone in which you park your attention.

Be Today

See Tomorrow

When afraid of the future, focus your attention on the work that needs to be done today.

When afraid of what’s happening today, keep your vision on the dream of a brighter tomorrow.

Action #4

Decide to have energy.

Courage without energy is just a good intention...

Energy without courage is more likely to run away than it is to stand and fight.

“Laziness” is often usually fear in disguise!

More than we care to admit, whether or not we have energy is more a mental choice than a physical condition.

Action #5

Put yourself on a severe diet when it comes to how much tragi-tainment you allow to enter into your head.

Action #6

Get enough sleep, because as Vince Lombardi said, fatigue makes cowards of us all.

Action #7

Practice courage rituals

Action #8

Laugh! It is physiologically impossible to be afraid when you are laughing.

Action #9

Fear breeds in isolation – especially in times of high anxiety it is essential to reach out and stay connected with others.

Action #10

Confront your irrational fears

Share your courage with others, keep your fears to yourself.

- Jonathan Swift

Strategy #3

Make adversity your teacher

“It’s not what happens to you it’s what you do about it.”

W Mitchell

Every great accomplishment was once the “impossible dream” of a dreamer who simply refused to quit when things got tough.

The bigger the dream – the greater the challenges!

10 Laws of Adversity

Law #1

The rain falls upon and bad things happen to good people – including you

Law #2

There are millions of others who would love to have your problems

Law #3

Crisis creates opportunity

Law #4

One door closes, another door opens

Law #5

Falling on your face is good for your head

Law #6

You will pass through the valley of the shadow

Law #7

Conquering weakness will make you stronger

Law #8

Without the valleys, you won’t appreciate the mountains.

Law #9

Sometimes you meet the most important people in your life when you are flat on your back.

Law #10

Challenges, not successes, define our character

“Brick walls are not there to stop you, they are there to make you prove how much you want something.”

Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture

The walls are not optional

Letting them stop you is

How much do you

want it?

How badly to you want to:

Get out of debt?

How badly to you want to:

Lose weight?

How badly to you want to:

Get a graduate degree?

How badly to you want to:

Write your book?

How badly to you want to:

Start your business?

How badly to you want to:

Travel the world?

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Strategy #4

Erase the malignant echo of negative self-talk

Self-talk is the collection of stories you tell yourself about yourself, about other people, and about how the world works

Negative self-talk is telling yourself lies…

And then believing those lies.

Complaining is an outward projection of inner negative self-talk

Any time you complain about something – anything – you are really saying three things:

Poor me #1

Something is bothering you, otherwise you wouldn’t be wasting your time and mental energy complaining about it…

Poor me #2

It’s not your fault, otherwise you’d be looking in the mirror instead of pointing a finger (and any time you’re complaining, you are implicitly pointing a finger at someone else).

Poor me #3

There’s nothing you can do about it, otherwise you’d be working on fixing the problem rather than just whining about it.

Can you think of a better definition for being a victim?

The most important speech any of us ever give (the one you were never trained to give) is...

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What is the first word a child learns to say?

For a variety of evolutionary reasons, the human mind automatically gravitates toward negative, frightening and depressing thoughts.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: The Evolving Self: A Psychology for the New Millennium

Experts refer to ANTs – automatic negative thoughts

Every negative thought must be set aside before it takes root.

I Ching

“We found [athletes’] performances improved dramatically when they stopped self-abusive feedback, and started thinking about the positive – what they were accomplishing, instead of what they weren’t.”

James E. Loeher and Peter McLaughlin: Mentally Tough

Psychologists say that up to 80% of self-talk is negative – and that we can abuse ourselves at a speed of 400 words per minute!

You would never tolerate anyone else speaking to you the way you allow your spoiled inner brat to get away with.

Like graffiti on a subway car – after a while you don’t notice it

You might even think it’s beautiful

But…

The Inner Child is shadowed by an Inner Spoiled Brat

The split personality of your Inner Spoiled Brat

If only we won the lottery!

The Whiner

You don’t deserve to win the lottery!

The Screamer

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A crucial point!

That voice will always be in the second person. It’s not you talking!!!

“I’m not good enough”

You’re not good enough

WHEN YOU HEAR NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

YOU HAVE

TO TALK BACK

!

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Two steps for using the power of Metaphorical Visualization™ to erase the graffiti of negative self-talk:

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Step #1

Visualize the words as clearly as you possibly can as graffiti that has been scrawled on the walls of your mental attic.

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Step #2

Visualize a janitor (The Janitor in Your Attic™) painting over the graffiti and replacing it with positive affirmations.

You can rewire the hardware by reprogramming the software!

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Caveat!

For your challenge to your Spoiled Inner Brat to be credible you must also take action if what Brat says is factually accurate.

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Strategy #5

Make your body play a constructive part in that inner dialogue…

Your body tells your mind how you feel…

Power Posing

How your mouth tells your mind what to think…

Smile from the outside in and you’ll eventually be smiling from the inside out.

Strategy #6

Leave behind the emotional baggage

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Strategy #7

Create memories of the future

You can remember the future more clearly and more accurately…

Than you can remember the past.

Transform mere dreams into “Memories of the Future”

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The difference between wishful thinking and positive thinking…

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Wishful thinking is hoping for something and waiting for someone else to make it happen.

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The new American Dream

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Positive thinking is expecting something and working to make it happen.

Set a goal so big that you can’t achieve it until you grow into the person who can

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Do you read your horoscope?

Joe’s Youroscope

The small seed planted yesterday will blossom into a treasure and today another opportunity will come from out of the blue…

Joe’s Youroscope (contd.)

Today is a fine day to make a choice, make a friend, make a difference, and to take decisive action on a long postponed decision…

Joe’s Youroscope (contd.)

Call a friend, call a prospect, and call your Mom.

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

Henry David Thoreau

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Think Big

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Start Small

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Start Now

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Procrastination is postponing today into tomorrow so that you end up always living under the shadow of yesterday.

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Strategy #8

Practice extravagant generosity in small ways

Think of it as your rehearsal for being fabulously wealthy!

Strategy #9

Take to heart the seven promises of The Self-Empowerment Pledge™

“I attribute my success to the fact that I never gave or took an excuse.”

Florence Nightingale

Seven Simple Promises That Will Change Your

Life*

* One for each day of the week.

If you’ve been waiting for someone else to empower you, you should know that…

No one can empower you but – YOU – and once you have empowered yourself…No one can take that power away.

If you knew it would change your life for the better – profoundly and permanently – would you invest …

A minute a day for the next 365

days

Would you give up one television commercial a day for a year to change your life?

You

bet!If your answer is yes, here’s what you need to do.

Every morning start your day by making that day’s promise – which will take you about 15 seconds.

Repeat the promise again in in the middle of your work day.

Once more before you leave for home.

I am responsible,

accountable, and

determined!

And one more time right before you go to bed.

4 x 15 seconds = 1 minute

Repeat these promises like you really mean them!

Let’s take a look at the seven promises…

Monday’s Promise: ResponsibilityI will take complete responsibility for my health, my happiness, my success, and my life, and will not blame others for my problems or predicaments.

Tuesday’s Promise: AccountabilityI will not allow low self-esteem, self-limiting beliefs, or the negativity of others to prevent me from achieving my authentic goals and from becoming the person I am meant to be.

Wednesday’s Promise: DeterminationI will do the things I’m afraid to do, but which I know should be done. Sometimes this will mean asking for help to do that which I cannot do by myself.

Thursday’s Promise: ContributionI will earn the help I need in advance by helping other people now, and repay the help I receive by serving others later.

Friday’s Promise: ResilienceI will face rejection and failure with courage, awareness, and perseverance, making these experiences the platform for future acceptance and success.

Saturday’s Promise: PerspectiveThough I might not understand why adversity happens, by my conscious choice I will find strength, compassion, and grace through my trials.

Sunday’s Promise: FaithMy faith and my gratitude for all that I have been blessed with will shine through in my attitudes and in my actions.

Here’s WHY it works…

You keep promising yourself that you will be responsible, accountable, and determined; make a contribution, be resilient in the face of adversity, have a positive perspective, and that your faith will shine through.

Then you catch yourself whining and complaining, procrastinating, gossiping, blaming others for your problems, taking when you should be giving, and pretendingthat you have no power.

You end up with what psychologists call… Cognitive Dissonance

Which is trying to simultaneously hold two incompatible beliefs

I am responsible,

accountable, and

determined! It’s not my fault,

they did it to me,

this is so unfair.

At that point, one of two things MUST happen. Either you take the easy way and stop making the promises…

Or you keep making the promises until you begin to change your attitudes and yourbehaviors.

And as you do that, you will begin to achieve better results in every dimension of your life.

Read these seven promises one more time…

Now ask yourself these two questions…

Question #1:

If you personally were to take these seven promises to heart, would you be better off than where you are headed now – personally, professionally, financially, and spiritually?

Question #2:

If everyone where you work made a good faith effort to live these seven promises, would you do a better job of serving customers and of supporting each other?

If your answer to these two questions is…

And if you’re being honest, that’s what your answer will be.

Then why wouldn’t you invest those 365 minutes in yourself? Do it, because no one can empower you but you.

Will you do it? Will you give up one TV commercial a day…

To change your life?

And one last thing…

Let me introduce you to the person you once were

Wouldn’t it be nice to become that you again?