oops! i didn't mean it to come out that way

“OOPS!”

“How to Make Sure What They Hear is What You Wanted Them to Hear”

Scott “Q” Marcuswww.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com • 707.442.6243Facebook.com/ThisTimeIMeanIt • @ThisTimeIMeanIt

Presented by:

I DIDN’T MEAN IT TO COME OUT THAT WAY.

MotivationEducation

Entertainment

IT’S ALL ABOUT “MEE!”

Buy what we want, not what we need.

Not what you say, it’s what they feel about what you say.

Perceptions is reality.

Catch ‘em doing something right.

Pass the credit, take the blame.

Under-promise, over-deliver.

GETTING EMOTIONAL

ATTITUDE!

Behavior

Result

THE CYCLE

Unbreakable Link

ATTITUDE

FeelingsBeliefs Feelings

Response

Feelings

Experience(Observations)

Biology

ATTITUDE

Response

10

THE BASICS

<<<<Change

Logical

Physical

Emo.onal

Spiritual

AT

TIT

UD

E (H

abit)

If you don’t see it - It might still be there.

If you don’t say itIt might still be heard.

If you don’t acknowledge itIt won’t be resolved.

Expectations

Noise

Resolution

Follow Up

CONFLICT CYCLE

CALM

NOISE!

Text

Group Memo

Email

Letter

Group Meeting

Private Conversation

STRESS ZONE

STRESS ZONES

> >

> C

om

pete

nce >

> >

< < < Consciousness < < <

1. Unconscious Incompetence

2. Conscious Incompetence

3. Conscious Competence

4. Unconscious Competence

“Oblivious”“Aware”

“Learning” “Skilled”

CONFLICT REASONS

❖ Shoulds & Musts

❖ Disqualifying

❖ Inappropriate Rescue

❖ Perfectionism & Selective Viewing

❖ Boundary Violation

Persecutor  (“It’s  Always  Your  Fault!”)

Rescuer(“Let  Me  Fix  It  For  You.”)

Vic?m  (“It’s  Not  My  Fault!”)

HappinessMental HealthContentment

Can I help?

Do I want to help?

Does she want my help?

DRAMA TRIANGLE

✦ Slow & Calm

✦ Small Chunks & Pause

✦ Notice Feelings

✦ Eye Contact

✦ Confirm

✦ Feedback

✦ Acknowledgement

POWER TACTICS

APPROPRIATE QUESTIONS

Open

Closed Confirmation

Inquiry✦ What do I want?

✦ What must happen?

✦ Can I do that?

✦ Will I?

❖ 3 Rs

❖ Feel - Felt - Found

❖ Open & close

❖ Think LAST

❖ Most Powerful Word

DEALING WITH

GADFLIES

KEEPING THE CALMPersonal Talk Time

10-20 Minutes

I want / I like

You want / You like

Agreement

Fair Fighting

❖ Start with “I”

❖ No Interruptions

❖ No Denials

❖ No Cross Complaints

confi

denc

e

Like Me

Trust Me

Buy Me

Know Me

PERSUASION

25

MAKING THE PITCH

Benefits

Attributes

Facts